『★ALL OF EMKI'S★』

Green

2010-07-06T15:06:00.001+10:00

"Love is a condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to
your own. Jealousy is a disease, love is a healthy condition. The immature mind
often mistakes one for the other, or assumes that the greater the love, the
greater the jealousy - in fact, they're almost incompatible. One emotion hardly
leaves room for the other. Both at once can produce unbearable turmoil..."

Sometimes you just have to ease up, and let things go. To be so uptight, jealous and angry will do nothing more than dissolve what you're trying to preserve. It's been a long and hard road for me to get to this point, this starting point; but I know now.

I'm admittedly a short-tempered, jealous hot head. I used to find reasons for myself to be like this rather than actually having reason given to me. For so long there has been little to no reason for jealousy. You can't be happy with every single thing that your partner says or does, they won't always do or say what you'd like them to, or refrain from doing/saying the things you wouldn't like. They are their own person. They are not mind readers.

True love comes in your complete trust in their judgement and therefore, their intentions. For you, being the person that you are, the person I've come to love whole-heartedly and grown with - this is so true. I trust you in all aspects. One of life's great lessons to tick off the list.

emki.

Evaluation

2010-07-05T20:45:00.000+10:00

Life doesn't give you the people you want. It gives you the people you need. to hurt you, to love you, to teach you, to break you, to turn you into the person you're supposed to be.

emki.

Life as it is

2010-06-03T22:34:00.000+10:00

In your hands you hold two things. In your left hand you have the hours of a day. In your right hand you have the things you want to do in that day. As you stare at the large pile in your right hand, you realise that it is infinitely larger than the pile in your left hand.

I have numerous financial texts that I could buy; a lot of extra reading I could do. I simply don't have the hours. No matter how 'hard' I work, I can't actually complete everything that I want to. It takes me time to read every word. There are only so many words that will fit into an hour, and only so many hours in a day.

I'm squeezing a finite lemon harder hoping that it will produce infinite juice. It just ain't happening. There is so much to do in the span of the next three months, and as of this very moment, I'm not moving forward in my intellectual knowledge in respect to the graduation course that I so desperately need. To save myself the embarrassment, I shall start behaving myself. I am so stressed out over numerous things in my life at the moment, and it's not helping that I have apparent iron deficiency.

Lastly, I've been reading and learning from this collection lately with many gathered experiences and articles on marketing management. Alot of content in there is very controversial, but nevertheless, very knowledgeable and intensively interesting.

emki.

What memories are made of

2010-06-02T23:51:00.000+10:00

Sydney was astoundingly beautiful that night. I'll never forget how sweet it tasted. You were right about the chocolate pudding we had. I've never had another one quite like it again. Though I guess in the end, what prints more vividly in my mind wasn't the pudding...

No, in fact, it was never about the pudding.

It was about that very particular moment, where the sweetness felt like it could've lasted my whole life time.

emki.

Struggle

2010-05-27T19:43:00.000+10:00

Life is tough as tough can be.

emki.

Life is...

2010-04-27T22:23:00.002+10:00

Life is an opportunity, benefit from it.
Life is beauty, admire it.
Life is a dream, realize it.
Life is a challenge, meet it.
Life is a duty, complete it.
Life is a game, play it.
Life is a promise, fulfill it.
Life is sorrow, overcome it.
Life is a song, sing it.
Life is a struggle, accept it.
Life is a tragedy, confront it.
Life is an adventure, dare it.
Life is luck, make it.
Life is too precious, do not destroy it.
Life is life, fight for it.

emki.

Flavour

2010-04-09T00:25:00.000+10:00

I've made mistakes in my life; I've let people take advantage of me; and I've accepted way less than I deserve. But I've learned from all my bad choices and even though there are some things I can never get back and people who will never be sorry, however, I know Karma exsists and that gives me peace.

emki.

追憶...

2010-03-31T21:27:00.001+11:00

此情可待成追憶，只是當時已惘然。

emki.

Lavish

2010-03-07T15:11:00.004+11:00

I'm purely wishing things were different. Why can't it be easy for me? Why is it that in these bothersome situations, I always pick the hardest route? Some people are just evil to the bone. I want more doing, less talking. Talk is cheap. Anyone with a tongue and functional vocal cords can do it. It is the actions, not words, that separate a man from the boys.

A life with love will have some thorns, but a life without love will have no roses.

I hate flowers anyway. I've never appreciated all those batches of roses from meaningless anonymous. Did you not know that I'm a fucking hater? Boohoo.

p/s: Another thing is that I'm uber annoyed with blogs or Facebook statuses with bad grammar. If English is your first language, how can you make such glaring mistakes? Learn how to string words properly before flooding my home page with all your silly mistakes.

emki.

Question

2010-03-04T18:32:00.005+11:00

Dear future-self,

Please don’t fall for boys so quickly. Don’t let a guy’s “sweet talk” get to you. Don’t believe that if a guy says he’s “in love” with you, he means it. Don’t make someone your all when you’re only part. Don’t give your trust out like it’s a bag of candies. Don’t stay up all night crying for someone who treated you like shit to begin with. Don’t stress out about finding the right boyfriend, he’ll come one day.

You thought I’d turn out like your past ex's, right? Well you're more than wrong. You thought I’d chase after you? You should sober yourself up and think again. Truth is, you made me stronger, you made me see how weak you really are. And to compare you with me? I think it's safe to say that at least I had the guts and was brave enough to do something about it. Who knows what might happen in the long-run, but I do know for a fact that I'll be doing so much better if you never stumbled into my life. Why don't you just kill me to spare me the pain?

You are worth waiting a lifetime for. And I would if you asked.

p/s: My Blogger has turned utterly Tumblr-esque I'm even considering converting but then again I've been with this blog for so long I'm not willing to let it go just like that! Just like how someone has already let go of me so easily...

emki.

Antecedent

2010-03-02T12:20:00.001+11:00

Lately I've been thinking about what I can do
I've been stressing to fall back in love with you
I'm so sorry that I couldn't follow through
But I can't go on this way. I've got to stop it babe
You've been wonderful in all that you can be
But it hurts when you say that you understand me
So believe me. I, I am sorry, I, I am sorry, I, I

I wanted you to be there when I fall
I wanted you to see me through it all
I wanted you to be the one I loved
I wanted you, I wanted you
I wanted you to hold me in my sleep
I wanted you to show me what I need
I wanted you to know just how down deep
I wanted you, I wanted you

I've been pushing hard to open up the door
Trying to take us back to where we were before
But I'm done. I just can't do this anymore
'Cuz we can't be mended, so let's stop pretending now
We've been walking around in circles for some time
And I think we should head for the finish line
So believe me. I, I am sorry, I, I am sorry, I, I

I wanted you to be there when I fall
I wanted you to see me through it all
I wanted you to be the one I loved
I wanted you, I wanted you
I wanted you to hold me in my sleep
I wanted you to show me what I need
I wanted you to know just how down deep
I wanted you, I wanted you

I, I.. I'm so sorry baby
But I, I.. I gotta pack up and leave
But I, I'll always remember how we came close
.. to being how I wanted to be
I wanted you baby
I wanted you

I wanted you to be there when I fall
I wanted you to see me through it all
I wanted you to be the one I loved
I wanted you, I wanted you
I wanted you to hold me in my sleep
I wanted you to show me what I need
I wanted you to know just how down deep
I wanted you, I wanted you

emki.

Inauguration

2010-03-01T21:08:00.000+11:00

Endings are filled with confusion, grief, anger, frustration, uncertainty, fear, anxiety and pain. There are always more questions than answers. New beginnings are filled with hope, anticipation, energy, desire, adventure, excitement, joy and wonder. The unanswered questions that linger in your mind are unimportant because the future looks bright. It is in the neutral zone, the time between endings and beginnings where the transition from the old you to the new you takes place. It is in the neutral zone where people can learn from the past and prepare themselves for a better future. And it is in the neutral zone where the seeds of new birth and the miracle of transformed attitudes, beliefs, expectations and values take hold.

Starting over in a new career, job, relationship, city or phase of life is not easy, but it need not be a devastating, catastrophic period either.Endings, whether forced upon us or chosen, can be a signal for a new, more positive and rewarding direction in life. They can be a wake-up call for life style changes that need our attention and action. It is unfortunate that many people are unwilling or unable to study this natural and on-going process of continual endings and new beginnings in life. These people are doomed to repeat old endings again and again in their new beginnings. They become repeat victims rather than able explorers. Life means to go through change in order to become wise. The future will be, and the past was. No one can change the rules. We can however learn the rules and apply their teachings to insure a happy, fulfilling, peaceful and successful life.

Many people embark on a new beginning without ever declaring an ending. They never put closure on the passing person, event or situation, so they are doomed to relive these same situations in life again and again. They will bring new people or situations into their lives that will help them learn what their previous teachers tried to help them realize. At some future time in the new relationship, career or activity the opportunity for learning will come once again. These new people will have new names and faces but their teaching will be the same. There role is to help us learn about ourselves and our reactions to life's events. These new events will be different in appearance but their lessons will be the same.

Each circumstance in life brings the opportunity for personal growth, new insight, higher awareness and fresh understanding. Each person in our life brings with him or her a mirror to reflect back to us our stuff and the opportunity to learn about ourselves. People and events or circumstances are teachers to help us see the areas in our life where we need more learning. Without fully evaluating an ending, you will fail to discover valuable insight about yourself, your behavior and approach life that brought this person or circumstance into your life, business or career. There is learning in everything, but we must be receptive to it. We must see life as an adventure filled with exciting opportunities to change and grow.

You can't manage your way out of circumstances or relationships that were brought into your life as a result of your beliefs, values, expectations or attitudes. Reflection is a vital tool if we are to "self discover" those areas of our personality, psyche or consciousness that are contributing to our reality. Life is dynamic, changing and evolving. Endings are a natural by-product of the life process. Whether it is declaring an ending to a habit, way of life or a twenty year relationship or career, the rules are the same.

The first step is to declare an ending. I mean really declare an ending. If you still give energy to an event, condition, person or situation after you have declared an ending you didn't really declare it. You can't fool life. To declare an ending to an event or era in life means to let go once and for all. The second stage of starting over is spending adequate time in the neutral zone. It is vital that you not skip this stage as you move from the old you to the new you. The neutral zone is that stage or period where you spend time in reflection and contemplation so that new awareness can be born. The time required in this stage is different for each individual and will vary depending on the type of event that was the cause of the ending. The time required here will also depend on your personal history, typical reaction to change, experience, your attitudes about personal growth and your emotional maturity. There is no magic formula.

The neutral zone is comparable to the cocoon or crystalis for the caterpillar. The cocoon is where the miracle of new life takes place. Although you can't see the butterfly taking shape, it is happening none the less. Your new birth, likewise is taking place in your personal inner cocoon. If the butterfly leaves the security of the cocoon too soon, its wings might not be properly formed. It needs to spend adequate time growing into its new form. You too need to spend adequate time becoming the new you. If you leave too soon, and fail to emerge with all the new awareness necessary for new self understanding, you will most likely find that you will sooner rather than later experience another ending similar to the one that you just finished.

Many people are "anxious" to get on with their life and fail reflect on what occured and why. They never really give themselves the chance to truly transcend from the old to the new. How do you know if you have spent enough time in reflection and contemplation? You will know. One way to know if you have failed to spend any or enough time in this stage in previous endings is to just ask yourself a simple question. Is "this" happening to me again? If it is, you failed to learn what you needed to learn during your previous ending. Life is very patient and persistent. It continues to send us people and events that help us grow or show us the futility of choosing to remain stuck.

The success with which you complete the first two stages, declaring endings and spending time in the neutral zone, will determine the success and quality of your new beginning. These two phases permit you to shed old baggage, modify outdated opinions, correct improper perceptions, change attitudes, refine your life philosophy, revisit values and beliefs to ensure they are consistent with who you are becoming and reexamine expectations to insure their integrity. This is required if you want to be sure and take a "new you" into your new beginning. Failure to accomplish the release of this old baggage or personal stuff will guarantee a continuation of the old you. Starting over can be a rewarding, exciting, fun-filled experience teaming with new people, views, knowledge and ideas. It can also be a scary, uncertain and stress-filled time loaded with unknowns. Which road you take is up to you. Which outcome you experience is up to you.

emki.

Terror-stricken

2010-02-28T23:07:00.001+11:00

Thanks. Because of you I'm constantly losing my appetite and the longest I've gone without any food consumption was four entire days and guess what now I'm weighing 43kg and that's the lightest I've gone ever since the last extreme diet I went on two years ago and because of the rapid weight loss of exactly four kilograms my body system is fucked up as my periods came twice this month and people have been telling me how oddly discoloured my face seems and how crazily restless I appear everyday at school especially now I've lost all motivation to complete anything including applying on the lightest makeup when I get ready for school as I've lost all hope and don't expect anything from anybody anymore because "I was a dreamer before you went and let me down" and hey guess what I don't believe a word you say and slowly I'm regretting everything from the beginning and maybe that's why I've been feeling so fucked up because of you. Give me something to smile about. Give me something to believe in. Because I feel like I’ve hit one of my lowest points in life.

Never make a promise if you can't stick with it. Never start if you don't have plans to finish it. Never speak if you don't mean it. And most importantly, don't hurt the person if you can't deal with it.

emki.

:'(

2010-02-26T20:22:00.002+11:00

It's tough when someone special starts ignoring you, but it's even tougher trying to pretend that you don't care.

emki.

Kick the bucket

2010-02-25T20:08:00.001+11:00

People are being kindly observant. But I'm fine. Really, I'm fine. I'm okay.

emki.

Amendment

2010-02-22T22:04:00.001+11:00

If you're going to love me, love me deeply. If you’re going to break my heart, then break it all. If you’re going to care, care for me completely. If you decide not to hold me, then just let me fall. If you’re going to stay, then stay forever and if you want to leave, then do it today. If you’re going to change, change for the better. And if you’re going to talk, please mean what you say.

emki.

Physics

2010-02-17T11:14:00.003+11:00

It's the dead of the night. Scattered thoughts still crawl through my mind. Those last days of November. You were the warm breeze and my cup of hot breakfast tea on a chilled morning. I still remember the touch of your skin and the delicate scent which lingered everytime you left the room. I loved your smile, and your perfectly straight canine teeth. The feel of your hair brushing through my fingertips. The way you hated Mickey and Minnie mouse. The conversations we had and the thoughts we shared. I was happy, well at least that's what I remember anyway. Those days were so rare, so special. There's no sadness to be found, just an odd sense of nostalgia.

From here on, there are some life changing decisions to be made. One thing is for sure though - my ambitions have gotten the better of me and I am going to make it, or die trying. 2010 really is a year of change for me. It seems like it'll be a good year, so I'm going to make it my year. Wish me all the best for the road ahead. I can't help but I think back, I can't believe how crazy the both of us were. Our story isn't even supposed to happen in real life. Almost like it was a dream. If only it was a dream. If you're reading this, know that I'm fine. He may not love me more than you ever did, or ever will... but I couldn't be more content even though the present is retreating whilst the past is reappearing.

I hope you are well.

emki.

The highbrow

2010-02-15T02:07:00.001+11:00

Let's start by correcting ya tone
Lower ya finger, don't be comin' at me
With condescending demeanor
We both know that ya dead wrong
And what makes it worse you don't even have the nerve
To ever say that you're sorry

You're never wrong and I'm never right and
You win all the rounds and every fight
That's why

Can't stay another day when you're always
Getting your way, you just keep getting your way
You just keep getting your way, ya selfish!
So i decided not to get in your way
It's time to do it my way and that means
Getting away from you, ya selfish

How is it that you can look at us and only see you
You can look at one but, never would you ever see two
You can live a lie and never be true
It's so funny now, how completely I can see you

No, we don't need to talk
Ain't nothin' left to say
You got everythang ya want
Go ahead and grab ya cake
I know what's best for me
We go our separate ways
Leaving you with everything
Even all the pain

Can't stay another day when you're always
Getting your way, you just keep getting your way
You just keep getting your way, ya selfish!
So I decided not to get in your way
It's time to do it my way and that means
Getting away from you, ya selfish

I haven't decided yet. And hopefully I don't need to.

emki.

Amorous

2010-02-12T22:22:00.001+11:00

There's always first time for everything.

emki.

FUCKING HELL

2010-02-05T01:04:00.002+11:00

WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS?

YOU POP UP BEHIND ME SO SUDDENLY YOU GAVE ME A FUCKING HEART ATTACK YOU FUCKING RUDE WOMAN! WHAT THE FUCK ELSE AM I DOING AT THIS OTHER THAN FUCKING STUDYING FOR MY DAMN HSC BECAUSE YOUR DAUGHTER IS A FUCKING DUMB BITCH AT SCHOOL WHO IS COMPLETELY FAILING ALL HER SUBJECTS. RAGE TO THE NEXT MILLENIUM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT FOR? PICKING UP MY PHONE CALLS AND LISTENING TO US? DO YOU THINK I'M STUPID? YOU THINK I WOULDN'T KNOW IF SOMEONE FROM THE OTHER HANDSET PICKED UP AND IS CLEARLY EAVESDROPPING INTO MY CONVERSATION? DO YOU KNOW WHAT FUCKING PRIVACY MEANS? PRIVACY IS NOT INVADING OTHERS' PERSONAL SPACE AND CONFIDENTIAL BUSINESSES AND AT THE VERY LEAST, NOT PICKING UP AND EAVESDROPPING INTO SOMEBODY ELSE'S CONVERSATION. REGARDLESS OF WHO I WAS ON THE PHONE WITH. DO YOU THINK I'M THAT DUMB I WOULD BE OBLIVIOUS ABOUT YOU TRYING TO FISH OUT ALL EXISTING INFORMATION AND EVIDENCE ON MY LOVE LIFE? STOP THINKING I DON'T KNOW ABOUT YOU ASKING THE COUSINS AND FAMILY FRIENDS I HANG AROUND WITH PRACTICALLY EVERY SECOND. YOU THINK THOSE SLY, CUNNING INTERROGATIONS WON'T GET BACK TO ME? YOU ARE PATHETIC. YOU ARE PATHETICALLY BLINDED AND ILL. MENTALLY ILL TO THE FUCKING DAYS.

NOW PLEASE ME ALONE AND IF YOU INVADE AN INCH OF MY PRIVACY AGAIN I PROMISE YOUR BAND CARD WILL LOSE AT LEAST 5 GRAND. HO HO HO! SANTA CLAUSE IS COMING! AWHILE BACK SANTA WHISPERED YOUR PIN NUMBER INTO MY EARS AND MADE THEM DROOL SUGAR AND GLITTER. IT WAS EAR PORN. IT WAS ORGASMIC. IT WAS PRACTICALLY A BRIEF TOUCH FROM GOD.

Mother, please don't think I won't do what I said because you know I will. You know I do the things I say I'd do so please don't risk it. You should know by now I'm pretty bold and endearing in the extreme negative form and I don't think of possible consequences or whatnot. Don't use money as stakes to the privacy on my love life. I don't have one. And even if I do, I would've started telling you fairytales about 3 years ago. Not now. Not today. Not anytime soon because I practically wanted to eat your head off when you showed up in front of my doors so suddenly my heart jumped out of my throat. Now mother, do you want your bank account to stay safe or not? The choice is yours, Your Majesty.

emki.

Pretty ugly

2010-01-29T23:32:00.005+11:00

There's one thing that has been bothering us for awhile now and we're not fucked to structure this entry properly. We're just gonna go with our streams of consciousness hoping it will eventually make sense, somehow. So here it goes.

It's plural because it's not only me (the queen of this blog) voicing my all-time logical statement but two other dumb, giggly bimbos.

Imagine two different individuals, one's ugly (the most literary definition of what "ugly" looks like, physically and mentally because her heart is, if not the same, uglier as her appearance) and one's pretty (not necessarily a universal beauty but at the very least, much prettier than the ugly one). Let's make them both girls. Take into account that you are your own worst critic and that you focus on your flaws more than your physically attractive traits. And I'm just gonna apply basic social norms in this situation where if the pretty person calls herself "ugly", it's an immediate no-no just because everyone else thinks she's pretty and by her putting herself down, she's apparently fishing for attention and compliments. However, if the ugly person calls herself "ugly", everyone has to deal with her inherent sorrows and try their best to change the conversation topic even if they aren't willing to emotionally comfort her, regardless of the awkwardness she has stirred. You have to remember that this ugly person has one extremely emulous and begrudging heart.

Now, when the pretty person calls someone elses "ugly", she will be immediately shunned by the society, considered a bitch and all those other bad names even if she has the credits to do so. It's just wrong for her to speak such cruel words to the less fortunate ones by birth. However, if the ugly person calls someone elses "ugly", it's apparently normal for girls to be catty, insecure and gossip around hence such act can be forgiven. She wouldn't be granted bad names. She's just another girl. Worst yet if the ugly person possess an ugly heart pumped with the most horrible form of jealousy calls the pretty person "ugly" as a way of mental self-comfort, it is futile because it wouldn't scrap one slice of beauty awat from the pretty person therefore it is considered okay. However, if the pretty person decides to defend herself and call the ugly pretty "ugly" in return, she would be shunned again by the society due to her nasty tongue as she was supposed to take in all ridiculous comments from the ugly person without saying a word back. Because now she has confronted the ugly person the truth that she is ugly, she has scrapped every pieces of the ugly person's barely remaining dignity and self-esteem away from her, causing her to drop to the new low. It's not the ugly person's fault even though she has initiated the conflict, it's the pretty person's fault of revealing the truth. But then again, you may wonder why the ugly person would do such thing in the first place, there is only one explanation- jealousy.

Last but not least, people tend to forget that everyone are intrinsically greedy. It is merely a part of how human nature functions. And I'm gonna make this quick before I head off to eat with my special friend. If the pretty person wants to be more visually satisfying by applying make-up or wishing for a procedure of artificial surgery, she's immediately deemed as a vain, greedy cakeface. Even if all those desires are purely personal that has got nothing to do with anybody, people tend to butt in alot with these sort of situations. However, if an ugly person is wearing make-up or wanting to get some form of plastic surgery done, it's apparently socially acceptable due to the proven fact that everyone wants to look good in order to attract the opposite sex or simply feel good and confident about themselves. It's reasonable for someone ugly to have such indulgent, humane inclinations. But this sense of typical yearning suddenly becomes inhumane and unreasonable if a not so bad-looking person aspires it as it is seen as greed. Thus basically everything an ugly person do is forgivable but if a pretty person crosses the line, it's not. It doesn't make sense at all.

Suck it up, all you pretty people out there. You just don't have the reason to whine about anything in life and even if you want to defend yourself and knock some sense into that ugly fatty, you can't. You're forbidden to diminish that 0.01% of self-esteem and self-confidence from that ugly someone. And if you live to break this rule, you'll be referred as a bitch. I listed all reasons why we need bitches in this world. They are vital and can be sometimes helpful. Helpful when it comes to those ugly people driving you into guilt trips and ultimate irritation. Just grab the bitch you've successfully clung onto and push her to that ugly fuck. Life is so different for someone pretty and ugly. But then again, everyone's the same. We all have our pretty and ugly sides to us. Now shut the fuck up and get the fuck out. Learn to pick out the silver linings at all times, because that's the only way to move on with life.

Christina&&CGCathbraaah tags here 30.01.2010!!!!!!!!!!! =)

My blog is officially contaminated. Cheers.

emki.

Theoretical

2010-01-24T06:07:00.005+11:00

"Missing someone gets easier everyday,
because even though it's one day further
from the last time you saw each other,
its one day closer from the next time you will."

As I spent my whole night on the phone, I managed to produce a theory about the opposite sex. No sleep again for a lovely reason this time. I think how a guy behaves is directly proportional to the size of his phallic. Yes, let's use some Freudian language here instead of being obscenely bland. The following theory is purely random, not stirring some feminist approach. Maybe I should because girls can't do what guys do without being shunned by the society. Anyway think about it for a second. If one lacks a truckload of fortune, one can work hard and earn and build his way up to an international known empire. If one lacks attractive physical appearance, one can get plastic surgery (not only females want to look good to attract attention) or his display photos on Facebook can be depended on employing the skills of photoshop. If one lacks refined body physique, one can sweat it out by visiting the gym daily or just simply invest in liposuction- so much easier than painful diets and exercises! However, if one lacks a presentable phallic, one must writhe and endure the reality as laughable, small phallics cannot be changed.

The bearers of small phallics are inherently disconsolate, insecure and troubled due to the typical behaviour of small cocks, I mean, phallics. Thus those miserly, uptight, anal, apprehensive and narrow-minded guys that sustain grudges for ten billion years all share one common interest and that is the torment of possessing small phallics. Everytime I meet a fucked up guy who has no reason to be, I'll simply assume he has a small phallic as he can't gain hold of the universally conventional, timeless characteristics and features of a real man. Guys always tend to blame girls saying we are always PMS-ing or menopausal. This commanding demeanour seems overtly acceptable. So when it's the guys who are acting wonky, there is no more than one explanation- small phallics. Let's just leave as I'm always right. Well almost. The percentage I get it wrong is negligible. Or they're gay, which qualifies them for PMS and menopause.

Okay done, it's sunrise soon and it's a Sunday today which means I'm going to cruise around again. School's back soon yet my mode is still switched as post-HSC. Subconsciously I deem myself as a high school graduate already. Ridiculous. Another noteworthy occurence would be that my sisters and I've already made considerable donations to Haiti. I think I'll continue donating but it's coming to the end of the month, I've already splurged most moolah on shopping and going out. I want to make another donation when I get my allowance again next month. Watching those news reports makes me madly appreciate my life and hence I want to help those who needs it. All those injured children became orphans... so heartbreaking.

emki.

Rendezvous

2010-01-23T12:31:00.006+11:00

First day in a long time I've stayed at home, so for people who read this, I finally get to write something substantial about last night. Now that I'm heading into my final years at high school, life is more hectic than ever. At times I cannot stop wondering about the loved and lost, the known and unknown, the present and future. The never-ending challenges, attention-seeking fast paced lifestyle, ever-changing situations and people, the superficial cocktail parties, the mind-blowing competition which eats away at your sanity. Whatever happens this year, I take this as an oppurtunity to grow and connect with my own ambitions. I may not be able to control the external factors, but for all those that I can, I shall make sure they're tightly wound around my finger.

In the dead of the night without all the booze and strobe lights, I can finally think properly again. I embarked on the most dramatic risk. And to think that it's only the beginning of the new decade, I think this will become more often. It was the first time I've ever done this for anybody. Although I got half busted in the morning with a deadly threaten of my social life ban until the end of HSC, I don't regret what I did. It was a comfortable yet unpredictable night and that's what I like best- having the most enjoyable fun under constant panic attacks. It's the parallel of pleasure and pain (if caught) and it was really exciting. But about three hours before the dangerous mission was activated, I must admit I was trembling and shaking as it is the first time doing the wrong thing at the wrong time under my parent's eye. My heart couldn't stop pounding and I was so nervous. What happens if I got caught? It's pretty obvious that will be the end of my life, literally. In the end, I did get half busted but they don't know what really went on. They are believing the softer side of things which is heading the right way for me since I'm just gonna stay silent and not talk back to any annoying slurs/blackmailing/threatening/hours-long lectures. I'm planning to keep my mouth shut whatsoever and lead them into thinking the soft side as they are already convinced. It was a memorable night. I so don't regret. Even if I'm forced to sit down and face them and accept their continous gun-downs. As I'm writing this I don't know why but there is this absurd fountain of euphoria pumping in me. For once in my life, let's put the horror of HSC away, I'm content with everything in my life. He puts a smile on my face like how it used to glow up. Thanks heaps buddy! :)

Why would I complain? If I didn't chuck the biggest fit before, I obviously wouldn't do it now/ I've got about ten more months of busy high school life. And what does that mean? Yes it means I'm turning legal, beholding all of my human rights without one slight restriction. Three more terms is seriously nothing. Time flies. Especially if I'll get the maximum of ten hours of sleep every week, trying to get it through. Meanwhile, I'll obviously do as I've promised. After that it will my official freedom and independence. I forgot what exactly occurred that day now but my mom was shouting how I'm still a 17 year old I still have to listen to her as I bolted right out of the house. As rushed and irritated as I was, I heard her repeating how I can do whatever I want as soon as I'm an adult and the end of HSC. Apparently I'm still her responsibility because I'm still not legal and I'm still a student who needs to rely on her to survive. Thank you mother! I've finally got those precious words out from your mouth. Your words were the best encouragement. Holidays are coming to an end and the many challenges of 2010 loom ahead. I want to secretly thank my parents for giving me the chance to do what I want after HSC. I know that some don't get the same privileges as myself. I'll be having the most awesome summer of 2010. This kind of lifestyle may not appeal to some, but through travel, through experiences, I know that this is what I want. And if you want something bad enough, you just might get it. So fly, time, fly.

HSC... GET THE FUCK OUT!

emki.

Unpredictable

2010-01-21T03:21:00.002+11:00

I'm committed.

emki.

Obesity

2010-01-06T22:59:00.005+11:00

I'm going to lose some weight again regardless of my shrinking chest, I'll just get a breast implant in the near future. Meanwhile, I need to lose some fat! I've gained at least 50kg ever since the holidays started and am still constantly wolfing down food, slabbing fat on myself. My lower part has been expanding horizontally, becoming a pair of what we called- thunder thighs. This is unacceptable. First thing I must accomplish in 2010 would be losing weight. It's not that hard. I'm pretty sure it'd be pretty easy as I've been through it all, just going to embark upon the journey again. That is all. Until then guys, party hard. Just like how I've been spending my days. Bye!

Nothing taste as good as skinny feels.

Love Kate Moss for her memorable quotes.

emki.