Guess what? After years of trying to go faster and faster and faster I realize that I’m never going to catch up. I’m living into my grandparents’ motto. I truly am getting “behinder.” And I hate that feeling. Failure. A kind of droopy, heaviness that sags and drags me down.

I am doing stuff; a lot of it. I even finish (a few) things. I work and work and work. But there’s still so much more to do. I don’t know. Is it just me? I talked to my psychiatrist the other day and she said that I’m most driven person she’s ever met. Wow. She sees a lot of people. Not sure it’s a good thing – to be driven. But I’m not driven to excel (well, OK, sometimes I am). Mostly though, I am driven because I’m trying to catch up. I’m driven to be normal.

That’s mostly what ADHD frustration is all about. It shouldn’t be. We don’t need to spend our lives trying to pull up even with the caboose of the train all the neurotypicals have already boarded. We deserve to live our lives at a measured pace, yes, even in this frantic hurry-up world.

I need to take what she said to heart. I need to stop operating out of guilt. There, I said it. Even though I know all the aphorisms: “Don’t should on yourself.” “You are a human being not a human doing.” I am a guilt machine.

Parroting the hackneyed phrases does not mean I adopt them into my life. Actually, it’s just another piece of guilt glommed onto my psyche. “I should not should on myself!” Ack! The wisdom is held intellectually but not experientially. It just does not sink in.

Until now. After decades of faster, faster, faster my heart – yes my actual physical heart – is having a little trouble keeping up. I have stressed so much over so many things that it’s not pumping blood very effectively. Which makes my heart try to catch up (do you see a pattern here?) by beating two beats in a row. Feels like it skips a beat. The official name is premature ventricular contraction or PVC. Everybody has them. I just have a boatload of them. Enough to treat, apparently. And that might make the rest of my heart get it together, in normal sinus rhythm as they say in cardiology circles.

The other thing my psychiatrist said was “What are you going to eliminate from your busy schedule?” I had a hard time envisioning cutting out projects or webinars or planting or dog agility or-or-or. But clearly something has to go so I can slow down enough to actually live my life instead of being pushed around by the have-to list and the guilt over not doing all the items on it.

I need to start slow. Ripping the BandAid® off this lifelong habit would be too extreme.  I’ll start eliminating a little at a time. It won’t be easy – although I have ripped a couple of major BandAids off already and it scare the heck out of me. But I’m going to keep at it. My heart deserves it. I deserve it.

BTW, so do you in your ADHD life. I invite you to try letting go of some of the guilt, some of the time-eaters that give no satisfaction, some of the “I have to finish this before I can do that” naggers. If any of this resonates with you, join me. And let me know how it goes in the comments below.

PS. What I also realized is that my grandparents’ sign was a paraphrase from The White Rabbit who said “The hurrier I go the behinder I get” throughout Lewis Carroll’s Alice in Wonderland. Oh, and it probably means my grandparents had ADHD brains. That sign is pretty strong evidence! ADHD must be genetic.

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The post The Faster I Go, the Behinder I Get appeared first on Addiva.

I totally agree that we are all hearing the same questions and concerns from ADHD women.

But isn’t it logical that when you get a new diagnosis you have basic questions about how to explore it? A client of mine went to chemo training when her husband developed serious colon cancer. They had never needed that info before but started out as beginners with questions that had been asked 1000 times by previous patients and family members. Probably the chemo trainers were tired of hearing the same questions but it was anticipated and addressed.

The thing that I think is missing from all ADHD conversations is effective treatment. Meds treat the symptoms only; ditto for meditation, omega 3s, exercise, coaching, CBT, Pomodoro, NLP, neurofeedback, etc.

The majority of the women who completed my ADHD women 40+ survey said despite trying multiple treatments their ADHD was not under control. That is horrendous!

Even “new” meds are just regurgitations of the same two stimulants, able to be patented to give the pharma corporations a hefty profit.

I just think all brain-based disorders are difficult to treat. They are biologically based but unlike high blood pressure, they do not respond efficiently to medication treatment alone (although, granted, HBP does benefit from dietary alterations as well as meds).

If I could wave a magic wand I would make ADHD fade into a comfortable companion that could be pulled out as a creative force when needed and ignored when boring brain work was required. Certainly not the equivalent of an ADHD lobotomy but a softening of ADHD symptoms that did not require constant vigilance to thwart its emergence.

A long time ago the question was put to the ACO membership — if you could, would you get rid of your ADHD? The vote was exactly 50-50. Half wanted to keep it, half wanted it gone.

So let’s keep the good stuff, throttle the stuff that interferes with life and be done with the angst. Ha! Ain’t that the pie in the sky dream!

The post 20 years later same ADHD questions appeared first on Addiva.

How’s that for some good news (at last)?

I was stunned to find that untreated ADHD is a risk factor for COVID-19 but I suppose it makes sense. We are probably more likely to forget our mask, our hand sanitizer, our social distancing margin. The study, by the way, did not mention any of those possibilities. Only that we are at higher risk.

The second study, however, brought up an interesting point: that ADHD might be an evolutionary advantage for battling some illnesses, in much the same way that folks with sickle cell anemia are at an advantage when battling malaria.

I was equally stunned when the conclusion of the researchers was that perhaps ADHD children might not require the same limitations for COVID as their non-ADHD classmates. That, to me, is a big leap. Not sure that follows. Of course, the waffling, “don’t blame us if it turns out we are wrong” caution at the end of EVERY study was: “needs more research.”

Anyway, wanted to pass along some interesting news. Here are the studies if you want to see the originals:

https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/full/10.1177/1087054720943271

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC7506183

The post ADHD + COVID = Good News? appeared first on Addiva.

How’s that for some good news (at last)?

I was stunned to find that untreated ADHD is a risk factor for COVID-19 but I suppose it makes sense. We are probably more likely to forget our mask, our hand sanitizer, our social distancing margin. The study, by the way, did not mention any of those possibilities. Only that we are at higher risk.

The second study, however, brought up an interesting point: that ADHD might be an evolutionary advantage for battling some illnesses, in much the same way that folks with sickle cell anemia are at an advantage when battling malaria.

I was equally stunned when the conclusion of the researchers was that perhaps ADHD children might not require the same limitations for COVID as their non-ADHD classmates. That, to me, is a big leap. Not sure that follows. Of course, the waffling, “don’t blame us if it turns out we are wrong” caution at the end of EVERY study was: “needs more research.”

Anyway, wanted to pass along some interesting news. Here are the studies if you want to see the originals:

The post ADHD and COVID-19 appeared first on Addiva.

Mail. ACK!

I hear from ADDivas all over the world who report they haven’t opened mail in weeks, month, even years.

It collects on kitchen counters, under desks, piled into laundry baskets, ignored on beds and heaped on long unused dining room tables.  And, like the oysters in the Lewis Carroll poem Jabberwocky “And thick and fast, they came at last and more and more and MORE!”

Logically, the onslaught of fresh new envelopes and fliers and magazines that hit our mailboxes or post office boxes should have subsided with the advent of internet marketing, right? Uh, no. Somehow, despite opting in to online statements (which frankly scares me – what if I miss one and then they disappear-poof!-into thin internet air) and various other supposedly convenient options, the mail apparently MUST go on.

Which brings me to: what to DO with all of it, especially the backlog? Here are a few hints I have learned along the way:

1. If there is a huge backlog, deal with today’s mail first. It’s obviously more important than 2015 mail simply because if something was urgent back then, someone, somewhere would have contacted you again and again…like maybe TODAY!
2. Dealing with mail starts with finding a place to put TODAY’s mail. Some people use a basket (which I don’t like because it takes up more horizontal surface). Some people tuck it into a drawer- also dangerous because who LOOKS in that drawer — or even wants to look? Not me. I use a stand up plastic folder so I can see how much mail I have. It’s pretty skinny so not more than 2-3 days of mail will fit. And it looms over the rest of the horizontal mess, so I can see it.
3. Most people know and do this but open mail next to the trash can and recycling bin. If they aren’t close together, move them temporarily. It’s worth the effort.
4. Have a stapler and thick marker at the ready so you can staple bills or “save” mail together – no lost pages. Mark bills with a star or B, mark things to save with an S or make a separate pile for them (can you believe I said make a PILE??? Whew).
5. Take all the B-bills to a bright colored folder – mine is orange so I don’t overlook it and put them in view (I use another plastic file folder thingy). Take all the saves to another folder — different color. Boom! Mail sorted for the day.
6. The backlog? Take two inches of old, moldy mail at a time, starting at the top of the pile, basket, etc. That stuff is second most important to sort.  Same process, but you should be able to get rid of far more of it in the recycling/trash bins.
7. Alternate plan: pull two inches from the bottom of the pile and process the sorting—almost ALL of it can go away.
8. Eventually you will end up with a pile of “I think I should save this but I don’t know what to do with it.” That’s the most difficult pile to deal with. Some people hang onto magazines they want to read for a year, then toss them. Why not toss them after one month? Or better yet, unsubscribe? You can get that information online 24/7 – seriously. Try it.

OK… that’s it. But I forgot one important thing. This takes time. Every day it will take twice as long as sorting the current mail, but eventually, you’ll get in the habit. 

For me, seeing that mail in the plastic folder is like an itch I need to scratch -I want it gone before the next deluge comes in.

Got ideas for mail sorting and processing? Post ’em below. And next time we’ll talk about what to DO with all those bills and saved stuff.

Oops–gotta run, another deluge just hit my folders!

The post ADHD mailroom nightmare appeared first on Addiva.

I admit it: I take on too many projects, commitments, appointments and I end up feeling squished into a corner when they collapse on me at one time.

In other words, I create overwhelm. ADHD overwhelm to be exact.

In the past, I have beaten myself to a bloody emotional pulp about it. “I have no one to blame but me. I said ‘yes’ to all this. I invited it in and now I am frantic. I can’t ask for help because everyone told me NOT to do this and I did it anyway. And now I am suffering alone. Poor me! But no, it’s not ‘poor me’ because I did this to myself…”  Blah blah blah blah.

It keeps going like this until I am tired of the self flagellation, finally kick into gear and paste on whatever BandAid® is required to keep most of the plates spinning. Then I deal with the ones that fall and shatter, swearing never to invite ‘too many things’ into my life again. Ever. Never. Won’t do it.

And then. I do it again. Grrrrrr! What is WRONG with me? Oh yeah, ADHD.

In the last few weeks, though, I’ve had a revelation about overwhelm. I think I keep inviting it into my life because I like it.

Huh? Why in the world would I deliberately put myself in the position of feeling crazy and out of control and overworked, far too busy and, let’s be honest, often far too crabby?

It’s an ADHD coping strategy!

Yep – all that overwhelm and excitement generated by “too much to do” forces my otherwise lazy neurotransmitters into full out racing mode. Then I can pay attention to all those details. Get things done. Feel alive.

Can it really be true? That my lifelong dance with overwhelm has been a deliberate and successful method of treating my ADHD?

“I always take on one more project than I can comfortably handle.”  That’s my response to comments about my overwhelm and stress. They keep me slightly off balance. I am forced to constantly rearrange, reassess and reconfigure my life to accommodate these interesting-but-frustrating events and projects. Which keeps my brain busy, busy, busy.

My brain likes to be busy. It’s the natural state of ADHD, right? So it is entirely possible that I have, indeed, been self-medicating my ADHD with perennial overwhelm.

Duh! I should have realized this a long time ago. Then I could have stopped fighting all this overwhelm and given it a hug. It’s actually doing me and my brain a favor.

From now on, when I feel squished into that corner of my own creation, I will try to remember that it’s not a bad thing. It’s my own coping mechanism for avoiding boredom, and thus avoiding ADHD brain slowdown (neurotransmitter-wise, at least).

Yes, I am gonna give that overwhelm its due. Thank you Overwhelm. You have been a loyal and trustworthy presence throughout my entire life. I now understand that you have been trying to support me, not tear me apart. I pledge to take a breath and merely smile knowingly the next time you show up.

Which, of course, is today.

Keep smiling, Linda.

Keep on smiling…

The post Making friends with Overwhelm? appeared first on Addiva.

The dreaded “vaginal atrophy.” I had no idea until my last gyno exam – that darned speculum hurt – for the first time ever. WHAT?

I know this is a place for discussion about ADHD. But since ADHD “covers the earth” in our lives, I am broadening the discussion to include the stuff that impacts us as women. Like (shhhhh) vaginal dryness.

Linda

The post Let’s get physical (about ADHD and aging) appeared first on Addiva.

This week, however, I want to disclose some very personal information about my husband, and then let him speak for himself.

For those of you who don’t know, Victor, my husband, has cystic fibrosis. It’s an inherited, chronic lung disease that claims the lives of many, many young people. It’s chronic and it’s fatal. He battles to stay alive every single day – with breathing treatments and expensive medications. Thank goodness for health insurance or we would be in the poorhouse.

Through it all, he remains (most of the time) upbeat, funny and optimistic (as well as realistic). So today, I wanted to share a first person article that he wrote for a CF newsletter recently. I hope you’ll enjoy it as much as I enjoy giving you a peek into my “other” life.

“Greetings from the ‘Old Guy.’ It is my goal to move the treatment of CF patients out of the hands of pediatricians and into the hand of geriatricians!

As a way of background, I am a 67-year-old deltaF508 homozygote CF patient who has seen enormous advances in the care of CF since I was diagnosed at Vanderbilt Medical Center in 1963.

When I was diagnosed, I had no idea what lay ahead for me. Most of what I read or heard was pretty grim, but I plugged along any way, taking my prescribed medications and treatments and seeing my doctors on a regular basis.

55 years later, I am working full time (as a lung disease specialist), with no plans to retire in the near future. For many years I wanted to be the first CF patient to die of a heart attack. Now I have amended that goal to be the first to die of old age!

What do I tell my friends when they ask me about CF? I tell them that it is a nuisance. That’s my way of putting CF in its place: to describe it as a fatal disease give CF too much power over me and my life. That doesn’t mean I ignore the disease. I do what is necessary to take care of myself. Instead it means that wherever I am going, CF is in the back seat, not the driver’s seat. I make sure that CF does not define me.”

Those are some pretty powerful words that apply not only to cystic fibrosis, but to ADHD. Our ADHD does not define us, but we take care of it so we CAN drive that car/life in the direction we choose.

Thanks for the reminder, Victor. Love you madly!

The post Living with chronic illness – Guest blog from my hubby appeared first on Addiva.

Sleep expert Michale Breus says there are four types of sleepers (and thus optimal schedules for productivity). The Dolphin has irregular sleep patterns and often considers herself an insomniac. The Lion is the Type A personality who gets up before everyone else. The Bear has a pretty typical pattern, getting up at the same time every day and working straight through ’til five. Wolves hit the snooze button and dislike mornings intensely, waking up to productivity in the afternoon and evening.

Read the whole article here:https://www.fastcompany.com/40491564/how-to-design-your-ideal-workday-based-on-your-sleep-habits

Take a look and let me know which one you feel fits you best. Honestly, none of them fit me very well except perhaps the Wolf but I am SO irregular with my sleep schedule that it’s a toss up with the Dolphin.

I guess I do have a schedule – I just don’t stick to it all the time. There are the all-nighters when I go to bed at 6 am. There are the “I can’t stay awake another minute” days when I take a late afternoon nap and then want to work late.

But more and more I realize I like to get up early when the world is quiet and dark and no one talks to me or has something I need to do. That time is mine. And, shockingly, I have also realized that in order to get up early, I need to GO TO BED EARLY! I know, I know. It’s elementary. But I like to burn the candle at both ends. Problem is, it doesn’t burn well that way and eventually meets in the middle and burns out. Oops.

So, while I don’t do it all the time, I am starting to notice the clock a little sooner. I am playing with relaxing using those coloring books that are mindless yet absorbing (I like playing with color). I even took the gel topper off my bed because it made me hot in the middle of the night.

I’m getting it, this sleep thing. Especially when I learned that lack of sleep or irregular sleep patterns can cause weight gain. Just what I don’t need. Ok…what’s your sleep story today? Share it with me and the rest of the ADDiva crowd.

The post Sleep schedule for productivity appeared first on Addiva.

My hair looks good for five minutes, then it starts drooping. I’m sure it’s a combination of high humidity, thinning (aging) hair and a less-than-expert stylist (me). But I’m spending a lot of time in front of the camera (webcam!) lately and that means my hair need to stay in place for at least an hour or two.

The solution? Some over-the-counter concoction called “Freeze Baby.”  It’s a super hold hairspray that won’t let my hair slip out of place until I am ready. It’s a bit sticky and hard to rinse out, but heck, it works miracles in those hours that I need that “extra hold.”

It occurs to me that I need a similar OTC product to keep my ADHD successes in place. Like my hair, I can maintain my equilibrium and outwit my ADHD temporarily – maybe five minutes, maybe five hours. But ultimately, my ADHD takes on the role of high humidity and begins to erode my ability to keep it together. My hair and my ADHD start drooping.

So maybe we can concoct a Freeze Baby version for ADHD – something that lets us continue to stay organized. Or a quick spray that keeps us on time more than once a week. Or even a lotion we can lather on to freeze our ability to stay focused and on track for an entire afternoon (or even better, an entire morning until we get out of the house for the last time).

It’s just a dream, a frivolous thought. But wouldn’t it be nice to keep that ADHD in check just like I keep my hair in place? Sigh….

The post I need hairspray for my ADHD appeared first on Addiva.