Socrates the Ancient Greek philosopher complained that parents were more concerned with careers and status than caring for their children saying, “Fellow citizens, why do you burn and scrape every stone to gather wealth, and take so little care of your children to who you must one day relinquish all?” How little things have changed after all those millennia. Our technology is vastly advanced, but greed and our baser instincts are unchanged.

One thing I noticed looking back at the history of parenting advice was that these great words of wisdom are about younger children, there is far less advice specifically aimed at parenting teenagers. I wonder why?

Although it is sometimes suggested jokingly to employ a teenager while they still know everything, there is some grain of truth in this. Looking back through the history of parenting advice, it seems that adults lose their common sense when parenting children. They listen to the daftest advice from arrogant experts who should have been jailed for child abuse.

Albert Einstein put a date to the age when our common sense stops developing, when he said, “Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.”

If common sense were so common, then why is there so little of it? We tend to bow to experts and follow their advice even when it is nutty. Why don’t we have the self confidence to accept that we are more sensible than some arrogant nitwit? Where is that common sense when parents need it most, as when dealing with teenagers? By following bad advice we damage and abuse our children, and stop ourselves from hearing good advice.

So now we know why parenting experts throughout history got it so wrong, they lost their common sense.

If you are a parent and struggling with your child’s difficult behavior there is some common sense practical advice, with empathy and respect that really works for difficult young children and problem teenagers.

Really Bad Expert Parenting Advice

The philosopher John Locke in his  treatise on education, published in 1693, “Some Thoughts Concerning Education” wrote, that it was good and healthy for children’s feet to be washed every day in cold water, and to have shoes so thin, that they might leak and let in water.

This man, one of the greats of philosophy believed a child’s cold wet feet were character building, and so it seems did a few generations of education experts who looked up to him. This is a great tactic for guaranteed hyperactivity, keeping the child constantly moving to get warm.

These words of wisdom from a great philosopher were in the most influential book on education in the eighteenth century. It was translated into the major European languages during this time, and nearly every European expert on education, including the French philosopher Jean-Jacques Rousseau, accepted this wisdom.

Later as understanding of education and child care advanced, the idea of keeping children’s feet wet and cold was quietly put aside as new ideas developed. Some of these more modern experts gave advice that was sure to create dysfunctional sociopathic individuals.

Emmett Holt, in “The Care and Feeding of Children” published in 1894, wrote, “ Babies under six months old should never be played with; and the less of it at any time the better for the infant.”

This is a sure way of raising children who will suffer from Attachment Disorder, Borderline Personality Disorder and a number of other emotional disorders.

John B. Watson in “Psychological Care of Infant and Child” published in 1928, wrote, “Never hug and kiss them, never let them sit in your lap. If you must, kiss them once on the forehead when they say good night. Shake hands with them in the morning. Give them a pat on the head if they have made an extraordinary good job of a difficult task.”

To be a good parent, just do exactly the opposite of this expert advice and you will do well.

A quote from Groucho Marx puts this parenting advice in perspective, “A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.”

Confused by the claims and counterclaims by the learned doctors out there?

Attention deficit is not that difficult to understand if we have an open mind. We need to cut through the hype and separate the truth, the facts, and what are myths and assumptions. Most of the differences of opinion on ADHD are philosophical and not purely scientific.

The diagnosis of ADD and ADHD is only a list of behaviors. Interestingly the diagnostic manual used to diagnose Attention Deficit Disorder; the DSM-IV (Diagnostic and Statistic Manual of Mental Disorders 4th Revision) leaves the term disorder open to interpretation, as the DSM-IV specifically does not define the word disorder (Introduction page xxxi).

Further, regarding a medical diagnosis for ADHD the DSM-IV states:

“There are no laboratory tests, neurological assessments, or attentional assessments that have been established as diagnostic in the clinical assessment of Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder.”

(DSM-IV page 88)

So what is ADHD? This is a good question, especially as there are over 101 causes or conditions that have symptoms, which overlap, or mimic Attention Deficit Disorder symptoms. We need to unravel these issues and look at ADHD and the conditions and disorders that give ADHD-like behaviors and /or symptoms in a rational and logical manner. We need to translate some of the scientific gobbledygook into intelligible language.
What is confusing in the ADHD controversy is that assumptions are driving ADHD research, not facts. The facts are interpreted to fit the assumptions. The main assumption is that this is one condition with one treatment – medication.

What is the best cure for ADHD?

Medication has a valid place in the treatment of attention deficit and hyperactivity, mainly when the symptoms are so severe that alternative treatments are not possible. Apart from those cases, medication is a crutch, and a dangerous crutch at that. The symptoms disappear during the few hours while the ADHD medication is working, but then the attention deficit hyperactivity is back as it was before the drug was taken, together with any side effect.

Side effects of stimulant drugs last longer than the beneficial effects, sometimes lasting for life. That is not a cure. The long-term effects on mental health in later life of chronic use of stimulant drugs are unknown.

The doctors and scientists looking at alternative treatments for ADHD do have cures. Cognitive training is a cure. Taking supplements is like eating food; we need to eat. The reasoning behind supplements is that people with ADHD have a metabolism, which requires certain extra nutrients. These nutrients are natural (as in food) and so give no side effects, besides general wellbeing.

There are natural herbal and holistic products that are as effective as the conventional stimulant drugs. The best among these products are:

• Attend (for attention difficulties)
• Memorex (for memory and clear thinking)
• Extress (for natural stress relief)

These products have been scientifically tested and proved as effective as the stimulants, but without side effects, they work 24/7, and do not disturb sleep.

ADHD (as Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder) is defined by a set of behavior patterns. A behavior is not a disorder, but can be a symptom. Symptoms are not disorders themselves, but are indications and guides to understanding, coping with or overcoming the underlying disorders. If you or your child, for example, has hyperthyroidism, s/he does not have ADHD, but symptoms caused by hyperthyroidism.

If we look at this condition as Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder it seems quite negative. On the other hand we can look at the positive sides, the flipside of the coin. Then we see another picture.

People with ADHD if they are not constantly criticized and put down, but given an opportunity to develop their qualities, they tend to show:

• Enthusiasm
• Creativity
• Intuitiveness
• Empathy
• High energy
• An ability to hyperfocus

It comes as a surprise to many that the attention deficit person can hyperfocus in a way an average person is not able to. I have adult Attention Deficit Disorder, I did not think I had it before I was diagnosed because I can hyperfocus when I am busy with some project that fascinates me and I am left undisturbed. I get 100% absorbed by my task and become oblivious of the world around in that “zone.” This is the opposite of attention deficit.

My attention deficit comes to the fore when I have to do something boring an average person can manage easily. It is not laziness. It is an inability to concentrate on, focus on, or be on task, with something boring.

The ADD/ADHD mind is quite frankly boredom intolerant. We ADDers have to use our ingenuity and creativity to find coping strategies which work for us personally, so that we are able to carry out those boring tasks that we cannot delegate.

Then we need brain food as well. We tend to use up certain nutrients faster than the average folk out there.
The one I have found to be best, like superfood are:

• Attend (for attention difficulties)
• Memorex (for memory and clear thinking)
• Extress (for natural stress relief)
• Magnesium and Vitamin B₆ supplements e.g. ZMA from NOW is ideal as it contains these elements and vitamin in the right quantities for attention deficit and hyperactivity

These products have been scientifically tested and proved as effective as the stimulants, but without side effects, they work 24/7, and do not disturb sleep. After all they are food (nutrients).

1. I am a chemist and I do not believe we should mess with our brains’ biochemical balance in an artificial way.
2. I have lived with ADD all my life, and only was diagnosed after my retirement. I learned coping skills by myself, as ADD had not yet been invented back then, so I know coping skills do work. I made some mistakes and bad decisions because of my ADD nature. Had I known about the effects of ADD I would have had a better self-insight and been able to control my impulsivity and make decisions based on understanding my impatience and frustrations. I would also have understood why I am different from most people and been able to relax more in concentrating on my strengths.

The Chemical Balance of the Brain

The chemicals we often hear about associated with ADHD, anxiety and depression are dopamine, serotonin and norepinephrine.

When I read information on these chemicals in the context of ADHD, anxiety and depression, I shake my head in disbelief at how falsely the information is presented. Even most doctors do not understand. They have studied and have knowledge of the individual subjects, but are unable to connect the puzzle pieces and see the whole picture. They believe the sales spiel of the pharmaceutical industry. In fact many doctors get their knowledge of the drugs on the market from the pharmaceutical companies.

These are not individual chemicals acting independently in the brain, as is so frequently presented. Each one of these chemicals is a system of chemicals. Each system interacts with other organs in the whole body, not only within the brain. The systems also interact and are in harmony and balance with each other, or are thrown out of balance when one part of the harmony is disrupted. Only 5% (five) of Serotonin is in the brain, and the medicine affects the other 95% as well; which is the reason for side effects like weight gain, weight loss, nausea, stomach problems, etc.

Taking an antidepressant, or an ADHD stimulant drug, affects the reuptake of serotonin or dopamine. This means that you are artificially modifying one specific part of one of the system. This also means that that system is put out of balance. You may feel better, i.e. less depressed, but the side effects are the result of the system forced out of balance.

When one system is out of balance then the other systems are also affected. Taking a stimulant drug artificially helps you to focus, but your overall health is affected.

ADHD Natural Treatment

Supplements:

We who have ADHD do have certain stress factors in our lives and our individual metabolisms need more of certain nutrients than average folk do. Supplements are a good solution.

There are special formulations designed for Attention Deficit and hyperactivity. One such product, which has been shown in tests to be equal to stimulant medication such as Adderall and Ritalin, is Attend for attention and focus.

ADHD Coping Strategies

Coping strategies helping us to gain insight into the nature of our emotions and ways to proactively help us in this complex modern world are another natural remedy. There are ADD coaches to help guide us here. Many of them have ADD or ADHD themselves, and after being helped by ADHD coaching studied the subjet to become coaches themselves.

Allergies do cause ADD and ADHD symptoms in some people. These can be as unusual as tomato allergy or yeast allergy. If an allergy is the cause of ADHD behavior, then there is no ADHD after all.

The reason allergies are very controversial in the ADHD community is because the symptoms can appear sporadically. Food allergies are too complicated to be tested the way they are in ADHD tests. To find out if a child has an allergy, a standard allergy test is OK. But it is a very different matter to test if, when and how these allergies cause ADHD behavior.

There is a threshold level, below which the child does not react. This can fluctuate with the mood the child is in, its state of health, any deficiency in some significant nutrient or because of hormones, these changes making the child more, or less, sensitive. These thresholds vary from day to day and even within a day.

There is the add-on effect as well. The child may eat sweets with food colorants and not respond this time. Yet next time the child might eat the same number of sweets after eating a peanut butter sandwich, and the combined effect is a hyperactive reaction.

This is one of the reasons a parent can say something affects their child and be correct, despite of the lack of “scientific proof,” because the parent experiences the real life child. Observant parents are more likely to be able to find what is upsetting their children than clinical test.

The clinical test is necessary to confirm any suspicions.

However, there are different types of food allergy. The immediate to type 1 allergy is easily recognized because of the quick and dramatic symptoms. Hay fever is the most common type 1 allergy and can be diagnosed by allergy skin tests. Some food allergiesare also type 1 and show up on skin tests.

The second type is the delayed patterns food allergies, which are not so obvious and generally go unrecognized. Allergy skin tests, also referred to as an “IgE” response, do not show this allergic reaction. Symptoms are delayed many hours after eating foods and chronic disease is often the result. To spot this we need to know ourselves and our children.