ADHD and Marriage

Porn and Sex Addiction in Marriages with ADHD

MelissaOrlov — Thu, 02 Sep 2010 16:37:31 +0000

We get enough comments and questions about porn addiction and the use of porn by those who have ADHD that I asked some of the coaches at Recovery Nation (an organization that helps people overcome their porn and sex addictions) to write an overview of the topic. They have graciously complied with my request, for which I thank them. Their overview includes how to know if you have a sex addiction, what to do if you suspect you have a sex addiction, and seven good links for further reading. You can find it in our resources section, here.

Celebrating the Release of The ADHD Effect on Marriage

MelissaOrlov — Wed, 01 Sep 2010 20:08:00 +0000

Today, Sept. 1, is the official release date for my book, The ADHD Effect on Marriage and I'm celebrating! For those of you who are waiting to receive it, thanks for your patience! Though Amazon has been having trouble keeping up with the orders, I notice that Barnes and Nobles has it in stock both online and in many of their local stores. Please spread the word about the book with those you love! Note that I will be giving some talks - right now I'm planning east coast (October), plus Chicago (November).

New Here? Is This Site Right for You? READ THIS

MelissaOrlov — Sat, 28 Aug 2010 02:24:30 +0000

You may have ADHD, or you may be married to someone with ADHD and wondering whether it may be affecting your relationship. This site can help you learn much more BUT PLEASE READ THIS before you explore for the first time! Let me introduce you to what’s here.

ADHD and Marriage: You Know Your Relationship is Improving When...

MelissaOrlov — Thu, 26 Aug 2010 03:16:28 +0000

This site spends a lot of time addressing and airing problems - I thought it was time to write a light hearted post about the successes that couples who have come here have experienced. These are all real stories taken from my clients of the past few months. Enjoy!

You know your relationship is improving when...

ADHD and Marriage: Six Ideas to Strengthen Your Relationship Today

MelissaOrlov — Mon, 16 Aug 2010 19:36:14 +0000

For those of you who now see that ADHD might be hurting your marriage there is a lot of information to digest. So here are six important, easy-to-remember ideas to focus on first so you can start improving your marriage right now.

Fall Seminar: Applying The ADHD Effect on Marriage to Your Relationship

MelissaOrlov — Wed, 11 Aug 2010 19:14:32 +0000

I am delighted to announce that I will be giving a seven week seminar starting September 13th for those couples interested in going more in-depth into how to apply the ideas in The ADHD Effect on Marriage to their relationship. The seminar is not a reiteration of the book. Rather, it is designed to augment the book, answering questions that you may still have. I hope it will provide a way for couples whom I cannot fit into my consulting schedule to be able to ask questions and utilize my ideas effectively. For more information, read more

Out of the Woods

arwen — Mon, 09 Aug 2010 06:47:45 +0000

After being unemployed for over a year, I recently returned to work at the company from which I was laid off -- when business got better, they called me back, doing similar work but on a different product. While I had been unemployed, my ADHD husband's job had heated up, and I had taken over more of the household responsibilities to more evenly distribute the total effort. When I was asked to return to work, we knew it was going to be a big adjustment -- his job was still very busy, but he was going to have to take back his household responsibilities, because I was going

Melissa Orlov and Ned Hallowell on Today - ADHD and Marriage

MelissaOrlov — Fri, 06 Aug 2010 14:34:48 +0000

Dr. Hallowell and Melissa Orlov were interviewed on Today on August 6th about how ADHD can impact marriage.

For clarification: the media "shorthands" what I do as "ADHD researcher" but I am not a medical researcher. I am a marriage consultant and author and have done a lot of research into the topic of ADHD and marriage, including qualitative market research.

ADHD and Marriage: If You're So Unhappy, Why Stay?

MelissaOrlov — Fri, 06 Aug 2010 14:10:16 +0000

Recently, a poster in the forum asked the very good question - if you are all so miserable in your marriages, why do you stay? I'll give you my own answer - George and I stayed together because even though we were really miserable, we couldn't believe we couldn't do better. The intractability of the issues we were dealing with didn't make sense. We had chosen each other as partners for good reason...then things fell apart...but couldn't we make them better again?

Conversation Stirred by NYTimes Article on ADHD and Marriage

MelissaOrlov — Tue, 20 Jul 2010 21:44:20 +0000

Tara Parker-Pope’s article in the NYTimes today is creating a lot of conversation around ADHD and how it impacts marriage, which is a wonderful thing. But there are a number of people who seem to be responding defensively to the idea and suggesting this is just another way to get people with ADHD drugged up. Far from it – treating ADHD doesn’t necessarily mean medications, though they can help. Also, knowing about ADHD in your relationship doesn’t commit you to doing anything differently – though I’ll almost guarantee that once you do know you’ll BOTH do at least some things differently and be happy you learned about it.

Your Way

arwen — Tue, 20 Jul 2010 04:44:30 +0000

One of the things that I have heard and seen time and time again from many people with ADHD is that there's no point in their trying to meet expectations, because they will always fail. My ADHD husband used to frequently tell me this. And I understand the feeling. I've been through that experience myself, even though I don't have ADHD. I have felt the despair and the sense of just being completely beaten down by what other people do with ease.

Six Dangerous Myths About Anger and ADHD

MelissaOrlov — Sun, 11 Jul 2010 22:48:44 +0000

My new book is about to be released, and it contains a significant section on overcoming “obstacle emotions” that keep you from improving your relationship (anger, fear, denial and hopelessness). I’ve reprinted a very small portion of that section here for those who feel mired in anger. This section is about the “myths” I sometimes hear people fall victim to about the “usefulness” or justification for their anger.

Six Dangerous Myths About Anger and ADHD

ADHD and Marriage: Why Won't My Spouse Try Harder?

MelissaOrlov — Tue, 22 Jun 2010 19:40:05 +0000

Frustrated non-ADHD spouses will often say to me something such as "It's so obvious that my partner should do X. I don't understand why he/she won't!" While a solution to the problem at hand may seem obvious, it's often really not quite so straightforward and here's why:

Hallowells Host Couples Workshop on June 12, 2010

MelissaOrlov — Tue, 01 Jun 2010 23:50:18 +0000

Dr. Hallowell and his wife, Sue George Hallowell (who is also a therapist) are offering a workshop for couples looking to become more connected. It will take place on June 12th at the Westin Hotel in Waltham, MA, just outside Boston. While it's not specifically for couples struggling with ADHD, it will nonetheless provide inspiration and ideas to all who attend.

Here's a note from Dr. Hallowell about the program:

ADHD & Marriage: Five Tips to Improve Communication Between Spouses Today

MelissaOrlov — Tue, 18 May 2010 16:43:11 +0000

If you're frustrated with how you and your spouse interact on a daily basis, use these five tips to make immediate improvements. If you need to focus on only one of these tips, focus on the first:

NUMBER 1: It's not what was said, it's what was heard. Here's a common type of conversational battle:

"You said X"

"No I didn't!"

"Yes you did! I heard you say it! I can't believe you don't remember!"

"But I didn't say that!"

Five Things that Improve Your Marriage from The Today Show

MelissaOrlov — Fri, 14 May 2010 13:08:54 +0000

Here's a five minute video clip from the May 5 Today Show talking about marriage and the five things any couple can do to improve their marriage.

Remaining Empathetic When Your ADHD Spouse is “Stuck”

MelissaOrlov — Thu, 29 Apr 2010 18:03:32 +0000

For a non-ADHD partner, it is SO frustrating to watch your spouse struggle without result. You want her to do well. You can see HOW she might improve things. If you were doing them, it would be EASY. Yet nothing changes. How does a non-ADHD partner remain empathetic in this situation, rather than become angry?

Six Signs that ADHD May Be Part of Your Marriage

MelissaOrlov — Fri, 16 Apr 2010 16:00:26 +0000

Wondering if your marriage problems might be explained by the presence of ADHD? Here are six signs that you should look for:

Tell Us What You Want - Site Updating

MelissaOrlov — Wed, 14 Apr 2010 15:44:12 +0000

We are getting ready to update this site and are looking for your ideas. Tell us what you like about the current site set up and what you would like to see improved. When you first came to the site, what caught your eye? Was the info at the top of the home page helpful? Do you use the tabs at the top? Are you aware of the feed options and different ways to follow the blog? Are they important to you?

We'll start work on this at the end of April, so please let us know your ideas and comments before April 30. And thanks for you input!

A Two-Day Experiment for Your ADHD Relationship

MelissaOrlov — Wed, 07 Apr 2010 14:35:36 +0000

I've been thinking about power balances in relationship recently, and the role that validation plays in maintaining balance between partners. I want to propose that you consider doing an experiment to better understand the ways that you and your spouse validate each other (or don't). If you understand this better it will give you information about how to diminish conflict in your household.