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Don't Mess with The Weiner...

2011-06-07T09:58:00.000-07:00

You no like the bush??

It's Fitness Celebrity Anthony Weiner!!

LOL -- I just couldn't resist.

US Congressman Anthony Weiner confessed to tweeting lewd photographs of himself to young female admirers... LOL, who cares.

A Royal BJ... LOL!

2011-04-29T18:33:00.000-07:00

"Well, how about it?"

YAHOO TYPO: US Commitment in Iraq is Shitting...

2010-08-02T09:23:00.000-07:00

"Obama: US commitment in Iraq is shitting..." YOU CAN SAY THAT AGAIN. LOL. Either someone forgot to use the spellcheck or Obama has a stinky new strategy for our troops in Iraq -- forget about Shock & Awe, it's time for Shit On Y'all! Maybe it's about time he SHAT or GOT OFF THE POT and just brought our troops home... that'd be the best strategy. I couldn't resist taking a screenshot of this! Two minutes later it was changed to "shifting" -- although I think SHITTING is more BEFITTING. Yahoo typos are rare, so you gotta save them when you see them!

Apple's New Kotext iPadz

2010-04-07T15:35:00.000-07:00

Well it's that time of month again... Apple is announcing yet another new product.

This time, they're partnering with Kotex to bring you Kotext iPadz -- next generation, high-speed, ultra-absorbant, 3G, wi-fi enabled, 60GB, unscented, disposable Maxi-Pads...with wings!

But why another iPad product?

According to Apple CEO Steve Jobs, "While it just felt right to hold the Internet in your hands, it feels even better to squeeeeeze it between your legs!"

Kotext iPadz will combine all of the features of the iPod, iPhone, and iPad into one convenient, super-absorbant, disposable feminine hygeine product.

Simply insert them into your panties, sync via a standard USB connection, and you're on your way! At the end of the day, simply re-sync and discard! You'll enjoy total connectivity and dryness for up to 12 hours!

The all-new "Klitoral Keyboard" promises to make texting a breeze -- especially while driving -- although, according to Jobs, it may take some getting used to, especially for men.

"We're actually working on a cross-platform, vaginal adapter so men can make full use of Kotext iPadz, too." When that happens, Jobs says, "Ko-texting is sure to be the next IN thing!"

Sure to be another favorite feature is the Silent/Vibration mode.

Kotext iPadz will be available in packages of 18 and 36 in two sizes -- 30GB and 60GB. Look for them next summer at supermarkets and drug stores nationwide.

And Howard Stern Said She'll Never Work Again!

2010-03-10T16:41:00.000-08:00

It's rumored that Oscar(r) Nominee Gabourey "Gabby" Sidibe has found a home at the UFC! And she's ready to kick some white-boy ass. Can anyone say "Gababooey"??? Watch out Howard, she's coming for you...

It's also rumored that she thought "UFC" stood for "Unlimited Fried Chicken" -- so she's really pissed off right now...

"I CAME HERE TO EAT CHICKEN AND KICK ASS... AND I'M ALL OUT OF CHICKEN."

Behold the Magic Turd...

2010-02-21T11:41:00.000-08:00

Click here to visit MagicTurd.com!

Remember the Magic 8-Ball? Ask it a question, shake it up and it magically "answers" your question with one of twenty answers... I had one when I was ten -- took it a part to see how it worked. There was this cool little 20-sided die inside -- like one from Dungeons & Dragons or something. After that, I forgot all about Magic 8-Balls... until I was about 18, then it was a different kind of Magic 8-Ball -- and it didn't come from Mattel... I think his name was Day-rel.

Fast forward a few more years and I discovered a Magic 8-Ball online -- same concept, just no water or dice. Ask it a question, click on it and it answers it -- same stupid answers as the original plastic 8-Ball.

Fast forward a few more years and I'm inspired to create my own Magic 8-Ball online, only mine is not an 8-Ball at all, but rather a Magic Turd... the All-Knowing, All-Seeing, Mystical Magic Turd!

Ivana Trump in "Kids on a Plane"

2009-12-29T16:52:00.000-08:00

New from Rogue Pictures... In a world where average families fly commercial airlines and filthy rich Palm Beach socialites fly outrageously expensive chartered jets, Ivana Trump is faced with the challenge of flying with the po' folk...and their pesky kids! Can she do it? Or will she be forced to unleash a tirade of expletives and be kicked off the plane before it even takes off?

Coach, first class, or no class -- when faced with the challenge, can a billionaire's ex-wife can fly "ghetto" like the rest of us? I smell a new reality show brewing... or maybe that's just my feet.

Rock 'Em Sock 'Em Wife Beaters

2009-12-29T09:39:00.000-08:00

New from Ike Turner Games... it's Rock 'Em Sock 'Em Wife Beaters!

A new twist on the classic, one-on-one robot fighting game featuring the "Brat Pack Bully" Charlie Sheen and the "Black Bruiser" Chris Brown! "Hits" stores in May.

(I know, I know, Rihanna wasn't exactly Chris Brown's wife... but he still deserves a place in this gag.)

The Sarah Palin Workout!

2009-12-27T19:46:00.000-08:00

Sarah Palin's gone "rogue" and now YOU can too with "Sarah Palin's Going Rogue: An American Workout" for the Nintendo Wii!

Enjoy Wii Fitness on a whole new level -- as far RIGHT as it can go!

Squeeeze into that ultra-conservative jogging suit and bust a move to hit songs like, "Drill Baby, Drill!" and "Hockey Mom Hustle" -- those extra pounds will melt away faster than the Arctic ice caps!

18 Holes, 1 Wood.

2009-12-27T19:30:00.000-08:00

This spoof was actually my wife's idea. 18 Holes -- or Hoes, either applies -- with ONE Wood. (Cue the music.) Tiger's just doin' it ...and doin' it ...and doin' it now.

SPA-SEX AND THE CITY 2: CARRIE ON!

2009-12-27T08:57:00.000-08:00

I was coming out of Avatar (for the second time) last week when I noticed the "Carrie On" movie poster for SEX AND THE CITY 2. I'm not a big fan of SEX AND THE CITY so it took a moment for it to click... despite the photo, instead of Carrie Bradshaw, I immediately thought of Carrie White (as played by Sissy Spacek) from the the 1976 movie CARRIE written by Stephen King and directed by Brian DePalma.

I was three when CARRIE came out and didn't actually see it until it came out on HBO, which probably made me about 5 or 6. That image of her covered in red stuff was always scary to me. Even now, knowing full well the red stuff wasn't blood but just "red stuff" that got dumped on her, my mind immediately calculates it as blood, which, thinking back, was probably the intention of the movie's promotion director to begin with.

Seeing that poster, thinking of CARRIE, two characters named Carrie, Sex, Spacek's, I just knew there was a parody in there somewhere... LOL -- notice the Dolce & Gabbana belt and the Prada bag!

SPA-SEX AND THE CITY 2: CARRIE ON

Oh Wait... There's More!

2009-12-26T13:52:00.000-08:00

And if that wasn't enough, here's the magazine ad to go with the new Mutha Fucka's cereal! Maybe one day the kids will let Samuel try it. Or maybe one day Samuel will put a cap in their asses and just take it. LOL -- I just couldn't resist!

Samuel L. Jackson Got His Own Mutha-F**kin' Cereal!

2009-12-26T11:04:00.000-08:00

I always loved that George Carlin bit about the "seven dirty words" and I often wonder what it would be like if those words were "legitimized" for use not only in broadcasting, but in advertising and branding. I can think of a million advertising uses for the word "motherfucker" -- it's a great word for really driving home a point. Imagine Tony the Tiger telling us the new Frosted Flakes are not just great but, "motherfuckin' grrrreeeat!" or the reincarnated sleepy Donutmaker saying, "Time to make the motherfuckin' donuts." And what's better to "get that motherfuckin' red out" your eyes than the new, improved Visine.

But that's just using the word for embellishment. What if we could start using those seven dirty words to create new brands... Whenever I hear the word "motherfucker" I always think of Samuel L. Jackson saying, "get the fuck out my motherfucking house!" No one says the word better than him. And that's why I just couldn't resist putting his face on the box of new Mutha Fuckers brand crisp rice cereal. Fuck the Flintstones and their Fruity Pebbles. Never mind that silly rabbit and his Trix or that cuckoo bird who's cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs... And you think Mr. T had a mean ass cereal? Forgetaboutit.

Try New Mutha Fuckers -- the Monkey-Fightin', Monday-to-Friday Crisp Rice Cereal that will do it's duty to please your booty and kick your hunger's motherfucking ass. Available at your motherfuckin' supermarket.

Tiger Woods Wraps it...Up.

2009-12-26T10:38:00.000-08:00

Tiger Woods may be losing endorsements left and right, but it looks like one company has his by the balls... check out that hat!

Sixteen mistresses, God knows how many "trangressions" and so far as we know, not one bastard child. How does he do it? Tiger protects his 1-Wood with Trojan brand latex condoms, America's legendary, #1 condom brand, specifically designed for PASSIONATE protection...

Because when it comes to condoms, the last thing Tiger Woods needs is a Hole-in-One.