The A.D. Show

earthquake

2011-03-17T11:43:00.001+09:00

Everyone,

We're all fine. The quake and tsunami were far away from us, so we've had no direct effects here in Kansai.

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The Apocalypse D0well Show: Episode 84

2010-08-26T23:07:00.002+09:00

Season 5 episode 6 of 11.
Click here to direct download this episode.

Topics covered: a visit from the cable guy, our baby was sick, geeking out with a stranger on the train

The Apocalypse D0well Show: Episode 83

2010-07-15T22:46:00.005+09:00

Click here to direct download this episode. Season 5 episode 5 of 11.

be right back

2010-07-09T00:53:00.002+09:00

Yep, it's been a long time. I plan to get this show going again sometime next week, but in the meantime I'll let you know what I've been doing.

1. I'm now a father. She's pretty much the coolest baby around. I'll let you know all about her.

2. I've been watching lots of British TV. It's awesome. In a few minutes I'm going to knock out another episode of Big Train.

3. I've been studying Python. I'm hoping to eventually make my own applications, but for now I'm happy learning as much as I can each day.

4. I've just started writing some fiction again. I did a short story last week. I can't write 1,000 words every day, but I've figured out I can still write a lot more than I have been.

5. I'm working six days a week most weeks.

6. I've been speaking as much English as I can to my daughter. She gets Japanese all day from her mommy.

7. I've been watching the World Cup. It's inspired me to watch more football/soccer, so I'm now an Everton supporter.

If you have any questions/content, send it on in for the next show.

The Apocalypse D0well Show: Episode 82

2009-10-04T22:13:00.004+09:00

Click here to download. Season 5 episode 4 of 11.

Topics: hospital change, bad smell candle, chatty cashier, drinking barium, Peanuts

no show this week

2009-09-24T10:54:00.001+09:00

Hi everyone,

Instead of recording a show I hung out with Twinkie Beyond and Terrance. I'll get a new show up next week.

The Apocalypse D0well Show: Episode 81

2009-09-16T16:45:00.001+09:00

Click here to download this episode. Season 5 episode 3 of 11.

I talked about train etiquette, a police chase, and the stupid jerk dentist.

The Apocalypse D0well Show: Episode 80

2009-09-09T16:47:00.001+09:00

Click here to download.

Topics covered: children's books, 24 Hour Television with Imoto

Thanks to Eric for the e-mail.

The Apocalypse D0well Show: Episode 79

2009-09-02T14:58:00.002+09:00

Click here to download this episode. Season 5 episode 1 of 11.

Topics covered: pending fatherhood, training for a half-marathon (Pajama Guy and finding shoes), hating the dentist

The Apocalypse D0well Show: Episode 78

2009-05-22T11:20:00.003+09:00

Click here to download this episode. Season 4 episode 13 of 13.

Swine Flu panic! Got my money. Stirrup pants. The wife's new friends.

Season 5 will start in September.

next episode

2009-05-21T10:39:00.000+09:00

The next episode will be up in about 25 hours.

The Apocalypse D0well Show: Episode 77

2009-05-14T15:17:00.003+09:00

Click here to download this episode. Season 4 episode 12 of 13.

You like ranting? Well, here's a rant episode for you. I rant about the Japanese tax system, Japanese civil servants, Japanese national health insurance, NHK, and government in general.

The Apocalypse D0well Show: Episode 76

2009-05-06T20:33:00.004+09:00

Click here to download this episode. Season 4 episode 11 of 13.

I tried something new and ended up with a short episode. Here's the full episode text, so if you don't want to listen to the episode, you can just read it.

Begin

Hello, hello, welcome to the show, I'm Apocalypse D0well, a guy from KY who lives in beautiful Takatsuki, Japan, and this is a show about my life here in Japan. I'm trying out a new format this week, so please bear with me as I work it out. I think if it turns out okay I'll mix up shows like this with outdoor recording shows and regular format shows. I'll keep you guessing.

I got the idea to do this after listening to the most recent This American Life. If it bombs, please blame them.

Movies

I saw two movies this week. Both of them had characters who believed they were acting in a movie when the action around them was real. Both of these films, of course, fall short of the king of this genre, The Man Who Knew Too Little starring Bill Murray. I saw it once and hated it. When I came to Japan, my Australian flatmate made me watch it again, and I loved it. He also made me watch every episode of the Young Ones, but that's a story for another episode.

The first movie was Tropic Thunder. This was the first time I've seen a movie on Blu-ray, and I have to say the picture quality, the sound, the whole experience was...pretty much the same as DVD. Maybe if I had a bigger TV I could see the difference, but really, I just don't care. DVDs are fine.

I liked Downey, Jr. It was great to see Steve Coogan, Mr. Alan Partridge himself. Back of the net! Cheap, average gags filled most of the movie, and the rest was just incomprehensible. Why was Jack Black in this movie? His character farted. That was it. He did nothing interesting at all in the entire movie. Jack Black should be angry at Stiller for not giving him any more to do in this movie, or he should be mad at himself for taking the role. Maybe both. I also can't understand why Tom Cruise was in the movie. I had trouble understanding why his character danced, until I saw in the extras that Cruise had added the dance in the make up test. I guess Stiller felt uncomfortable telling Cruise the dance was stupid, so they added it to the script. Stupid. Too stupid even for this movie.

The second, much better film was The Magic Hour. It was written and directed by Koki Mitani, the same guy who wrote and directed Uchoten Hotel, which is worth watching not only because it's funny and well-written, but also because Ryoko Shinohara plays a call girl.

The Magic Hour is about a guy who gets involved with a local mob boss' girl. The mob boss is played by Toshiyuki Nishida, the head guy on Tante Knight Scoop. In order to live, the guy has to find a hit man and bring him to the boss. Instead of actually finding the hit man, he instead decides to hire an actor to play the hit man. He tells the actor he's making a movie and makes him think the mobsters are actors. Okay, it sounds stupid, but for a plot device like this it's well-done. The actor interacts with the mobsters in-character and hilarity ensues. I love it when hilarity ensues. This movie is so good, it even has Fumiyo Kohinata, the guy who played Kita Yoshio. He's playing the Paul Giamatti part in the upcoming Japanese version of Sideways.

Skip Tropic Thunder, check out The Magic Hour, and if you've seen The Man Who Knew Too Little only once and hated it, watch it again. You might like it.

Shiroi Haru

The wife and I have been watching a drama called Shiroi Haru. It stars Hiroshi Abe, the guy from Trick, and the little girl who sang that annoying Ponyo song. Seriously, the song's cute the first ten times, but on the 100th listen, it made me want to punch the wall. The worst part is when kids on the street sing it. It's just too catchy. I won't hold that against this drama, though.

Abe plays Haruo, a former Yakuza who has just gotten out of the pen, the slammer, the cooler, the joint, the stoney lonesome. As soon as he gets out he gets robbed, and then he finds out his girlfriend is dead. Quite a day. Not only is his girlfriend dead, but he finds out she was with some other guy before she died, some baker with his own shop. See, his ex-girlfriend was supposed to get some money for the job Haruo did that got him in the slammer, but he thinks this baker has it, so conflict ensues. I love it when conflict ensues.

Although it can be melodramatic, like many Japanese dramas, it's still good and worth a watch.

French Restaurant

I have an unrefined pallet. I like plain, hot food in large quantities, so I stay away from French restaurants. Last Wednesday, though, I went to a French restaurant and not only did I go, but I liked it.

Why did I like it? Well, there was only one chef—the only worker in the whole place—and he asked me what I liked before he made it. He actually understood what it meant when he was told I'm a vegetarian. I had salad, ratatouille, croquette, and a pizza. Sure, pizza's not French, but the guy was cool and hooked me up. I even got double dessert for being a foreigner. Although I'm having trouble recalling any funny chefs, I'd have to guess that he's the funniest around. He made jokes the whole time and tried to break out English on me when he could. He told me I'm the second coolest guy in the world, right after himself. So, I'm left unable to tell people I hate French food, so it feels like a part of me has died, but I know I'm better for it.

Birthday

The wife's birthday was last Sunday. It was also the day for Takatsuki Jazz Street. There were musical performances all day around Takatsuki. We headed out around eleven and walked down to the park. You'll remember it from my running episode a few weeks ago. The little paths were lined with artists and peddlers. There was even a Korea, Soul of Asia booth. Asian countries advertise a lot here in Japan. The Malaysia commercials drive me crazy. Malaysia truly Asia. They show people traveling there and having a good time, but they don't show you the shops opening late, or the pushy salespeople following you around the shopping mall. Show me that and maybe I'll go back. Recently, they've been showing India commercials. Incredible India. Anyway, that's enough of that.

We headed on to a nearby junior high school and saw a performance outside. It was made up of foreigners and Japanese players. They were pretty good until they did an original song. We left.

We hit three more spots around town, stopped at Subway, rested at home, and then headed out again. The performances were all free, and it was fun to make fun of people we saw.

We sat on the grass in my running park and watched a performance in the late afternoon. A group made up of mostly foreigners decided to sit on the grass near us. They spoke English, but it wasn't their native language.

Foreign guy #1: Do you want to sit here on the grass?
Foreign guy #2: Okay.
Foreign guy #1: You're standing on my chair.
Foreign guy #2: Oh, I'm so sorry.

I turned so they couldn't see me laugh. I don't know what was so funny about it, maybe just their delivery. Yeah, I'll go with delivery since it's something I can't recreate here.

After that, we headed home and the father-in-law picked us up. We had birthday dinner for the wife at the in-laws. The mother-in-law makes some mean spring rolls. Their wiener dog once again fell in love with my leg.

Karaoke

We had a sayonara party for one of my coworkers on Saturday night. We started out at an Irish bar, where I had an excellent salad with avocado and mozzarella. From there, we hit the karaoke box. When we go out to karaoke, we usually hit the chains, like Jumbo. I'd never heard of this place. It was seedy. It was grimy. Sometimes, living in Japan, this place feels like Disneyland, so it was nice to be in a rough place. It was nice to go somewhere real.

The doors on the booths had a lot of glass, so as we walked to our booth we could see people merrymaking. Roughneck businessmen stood and belted out tunes. Women with dyed hair and tough, Osaka faces sang pop songs. That karaoke joint stands alone.

A guy I work with—we'll call him the Hawaiian—knocked out some Bon Jovi and a Sean Paul song that I didn't know but should. I gave them some House of Pain and Mongol 800. Unlike the first time we all went out together, the Hawaiian didn't lose his glasses, so the evening was a success.

Poor Tsuyoshi

The media frenzy over SMAP member Tsuyoshi Kusanagi seems to have settled down. I bet Tsuyoshi's hiding in his apartment saying, “Go swine flu!” Sorry, I'm assuming everyone knows what happened. I'm sure the well-informed listeners of this audio program already know, but I'll go over it for you just in case.

A couple of weeks ago, Tsuyoshi got totally ripped. Around two o'clock in the morning, after drinking with friends, he went to a park and took off his clothes. He made some noise and the police came. He was so ripped he couldn't understand what was happening, the police took him in and searched his apartment. Tsuyoshi's commercials were taken off TV, he's lost lots of money, and now we don't know when he'll get back to work.

As I said in a blog post right after it happened, it's not a big deal; the media are just trying to make it a big deal. It's just like swine flu. Tsuyoshi should get back on TV right now and give the media the finger, the middle. If this were America, he'd go to rehab, come out and proclaim himself clean, and get right back to being filthy rich. Why am I defending a guy who little talent who probably shouldn't be famous? Because I hate media hype more than low-talent performers.

Sauce

I work with an Australian—let's call him G—who's a lot like me. He hates it when people on bicycles ring their bells. He hates it when old people push start themselves on bikes instead of just sitting down and pedaling. We have a lot of hate in common.

I sometimes use the line “I'll be thinking about swimming pools” when I mean that I'll go through the motions of doing something without thinking about it at all. Do you remember that movie Airheads? Yeah, I don't want to admit I remember it, either. In that movie, someone asks Adam Sandler's character what he's thinking of, and he answers “Swimming pools.” I'm not sure why he gives that answer, if it's part of the plot or just some Sandler randomness, but it stuck with me. It's a throwaway line I use to fill space.

I used it the other day, and the Australian, meaning G, asked me why I had said it and then immediately asked if it was because of his story. I had no idea what he was talking about, so he told me the story.

It seems a few days or weeks—I can't really remember—earlier, he had made penne pasta with a creamy sauce. The sauce was so good, he closed his eyes and imagined himself swimming in the sauce. As he imagined himself swimming in the sauce, he moved his arms through the air as if he were actually swimming. As he imagined himself swimming in the sauce and moved his arms through the air, he opened his mouth and imagined that he was eating the sauce as he swam. His wife asked him what he was doing, he explained, and she called him an idiot. I'm not sure if she used the word idiot, but I'm sure it was a synonym. Maybe nimrod. “Stop pretending you're swimming in carbonara sauce, you nimrod!” Well, I'm unable to confirm the swim-worthiness of the sauce, because it has meat in it. If he makes a meatless version, though, I just might go for a swim.

Out

Well, that's it for this week. You can contact me at (e-mail) or leave a comment on the blog at http://halfinafrenzy.blogspot.com. You can check out my podcast novels at http://www.freepodcastnovel.com. Thanks for listening. I'm out.

No show this week

2009-05-01T22:16:00.002+09:00

I just can't get a show together this week. I'm going to try a bit of an experiment for next week's show. There's your teaser.

two-day delay

2009-04-29T21:58:00.000+09:00

I'll have the next episode up in a couple of days.

Free Tsuyoshi!

2009-04-24T14:32:00.004+09:00

I guess all of you otaku have heard that SMAP's jean-loving member, Tsuyoshi Kusanagi, was arrested for public indecency. It's all over the news here. It seems that he resisted arrest and asked the officers what's wrong with being naked. Good question, Tsuyoshi.

He's recently been on some commercials about the switch to digital TV (yeah, Japan's going through that, too), and the minister of the Internal Affairs and Communications Ministry, Kunio Hatoyama, is angry. Here's an idea Kuntio: STFU! So he got drunk and got naked. So what? Who hasn't? Give the guy a break. As much as I see him on TV, he must work 14 hours a day. He needs to unwind. Free Tsuyoshi! (I think he's out now, but Free Tsuyoshi needs to go on a t-shirt).

The police searched his apartment. Searched his apartment! He was drunk in the park and they searched his apartment? Note to self: leave as soon as possible. Sure, they were just trying to "protect" him because he was so out of control they thought drugs might be involved. Give me a break. I'm surprised no ladies have stepped up and claimed that he groped them. There's no evidence, so it must mean he did it.

Usually, I couldn't care less about celebrities, but I think Tsuyoshi's a good guy and deserves to get a little naked in the park once in a while. We all do.

Free Tsuyoshi!

The Apocalypse D0well Show: Episode 75

2009-04-22T13:11:00.003+09:00

Click here to download this episode. Season 4 episode 10 of 13.

This week: Purple Lady hates flowers, saw Shaun of the Dead

News in Japan: Death sentence upheld for curry-poisoner, professor's train molestation conviction overturned

Thanks for listening!

The Apocalypse D0well Show: Episode 74

2009-04-15T22:40:00.002+09:00

Click here to direct download this episode. Season 4 episode 9 of 13.

In a first for this show, I recorded while running. I talked about my quest for Sprite and, well, I was running, so I couldn't talk much.

The Apocalypse D0well Show: Episode 73

2009-04-08T22:42:00.004+09:00

Click here to direct download this episode. Season 4 episode 8 of 13.

This week: drunk guy falls down on train platform, scary TV show, hanami in Banpaku and the schoolgirl model, 33pun Tantei, the Tigers' lazy fans

News: Dear Leader's glorious launch of a communications satellite into the Pacific, Ayaka is married and ill, Paul Giamatti is a jerk about Japanese Sideways remake

E-mail: Josh in Japan sets me straight on paramedics in Japan (note: thanks to this email, this episode probably has more accurate information about Japan than any of my previous episodes)

The Apocalypse D0well Show: Episode 72

2009-04-01T18:19:00.003+09:00

Click here to direct download this episode. Season 4 episode 7 of 13.

NOTE: I screwed up so you can't hear the theme or bumpers.

This one's a disappointment. It's really short, which is what happens when I don't really plan. You get to hear the wife, though. I talk about Perfume and Oasis on Music Station, North Korea, and the greatest parking contraption I've ever seen.

The Apocalypse D0well Show: Episode 71

2009-03-25T17:28:00.002+09:00

Click here to direct download this episode. Season 4 episode 6 of 13.

I talked about a Cops-esque show on Japanese TV, trying to get my money from the government, hitting the book sale, and my lack of interest in the WBC. Thanks!

The Apocalypse D0well Show: Episode 70

2009-03-18T22:07:00.004+09:00

Click here to direct download this episode. Season 4 episode 5 of 13.

I realized as I was editing that to put pictures in the file I would need to release this as an AAC, something I don't want to do. So, here are the pictures that I took. Topics include saving the Colonel, going to a basketball game, Tom Cruise on SMAPxSMAP, and the Tired Kid.

Hay Fever: 2 D0well: 0

2009-03-11T20:20:00.001+09:00

The hay fever got me again. Last week I was feeling so good I took the mask off. Bad idea. The hay fever made sure I understood who's boss. I should be back on schedule next week.

The Apocalypse D0well Show: Episode 69

2009-03-04T16:04:00.002+09:00

Click here to direct download this episode. Season 4 episode 4 of 13.

This is the first episode done with the IC recorder, so the levels are low and the wind is noisy. I'll do better next time. Topics include karaoke, birthday dinner, art exhibition, shopping, and taxes. You'll also hear me go to the atm and pay my phone bill at Family Mart. Exciting!

The Apocalypse D0well Show: Episode 68

2009-02-25T15:13:00.003+09:00

Click here to download this episode. Season 4 episode 3 of 13.

Went to see plum blossoms.
I hate taxes.
I hate hay fever.
It's my birthday.
I've been playing Mario and Luigi RPG 3, Mario Tennis GC, and Portal.

no show this week

2009-02-18T16:52:00.001+09:00

Gaijin cedar allergy has me down, so there'll be no show this week.

The Apocalypse D0well Show: Episode 67

2009-02-11T15:44:00.003+09:00

Click here to download this episode. Season 4 episode 2 of 13.

This week:

Today's a national holiday.
Mr. T keychain has moved on.
Sold 4 video games this week and bought 2.
The feedburner to Google transition sucks.
Still thinking about getting rid of stuff.

Life in Japan:

Is everyone going crazy?
Muzukashii syndrome.

Thanks for listening!

Annoying people who annoyed me on Saturday

2009-02-10T09:40:00.000+09:00

I ran into some annoying people on Saturday, all on my way to work.

1. Annoying Guy with the Wrong Ticket/Train Pass: Although I often complain about how slowly people walk here in Japan, when going into or out of the station it's completely different. It's a madhouse. At our local station, even when it isn't very busy, there are always people trying to clear a path to the ticket gates. The gates are set up to both let people in and out, so after a train arrives there are a lot of people coming out of the station, leaving few ticket gates for entering. That was the situation Saturday morning. There was just one gate leading into the station, and it was blocked by an old guy with the wrong ticket. He put it in and the alarm sounded. He took it from the machine and put it right back in. Then, he tried it a third time. My train was coming, the girl in front of me was fuming, and the guy was completely oblivious. Another gate opened and I got through as the guy tried his ticket for the fourth time. For all I know he's still there.

2. Can't Get Enough of Those Honey Smacks: On the train from Umeda, a guy sat down a couple of meters from me and started smacking his lips. He was wearing a surgical mask, so I couldn't tell if he was chewing gum or just smacking those lips. Either way, it was annoying. It was like he was trying to annoy me.

3. With All of This Arguing, How Will We Find Time to Push People Out of the Way?: I had to wait outside my workplace as I'd arrived a bit early. I was standing there listening to my iPod as a gaggle of older ladies passed. They were not only loud but also arguing. As I wished they would hurry along, they stopped and argued right beside me. Annoying. They eventually moved on, arguing the whole way.

Cut it out, you annoying people.

Another patient rejected by several hospitals

2009-02-08T12:20:00.003+09:00

Another emergency patient has died after being rejected by several hospitals here. This one happened in Itami, which is where I used to go to Starbucks when I lived in Amagasaki. 14 hospitals rejected this guy. This seems to be happening all the time. (Note: Just to make sure I'm clear, the ambulance didn't drive around to 14 hospitals. The hospitals refused when they were contacted.)

I understand that hospitals here are understaffed, but how can you turn away emergency patients? It seems that even if there are no specialists on duty (or on-call), some care would be better than nothing. The article mentions paramedics, but from what I've heard the paramedics in ambulances here have little to no medical training and perform few to no medical procedures. You'd probably be better off in a taxi, but the ambulance is free.

I'm often asked here about the sorry state of U.S. health care, and I answer that I'd much rather get sick in the U.S. than in Japan. Sure, there are uninsured people in the U.S., and sure, even the insured sometimes get poor care, but it beats sitting in an ambulance while they try to find a hospital. It also beats being asked to return for several follow-ups, when we all know it's a profit deal. The worst at this have to be dentists, who will ask you to return as many times as they can to charge you each time. I still get looks of shock when I explain that in the U.S. if you have a cavity, the dentist drills and fills it at the same time.

I know this is an extreme case, just as the cases shown in Sicko are extreme. Yet, this is a crisis. In a society with an aging population and a low birthrate, something has to be done to provide a sufficient number of health care professionals. The government wants couples to have more children, yet it's difficult to find an ob/gyn. Nurses are being brought in from the Philippines, but people are worried about their Japanese skills.

What's the solution? I have no idea.

The Apocalypse D0well Show: Episode 66

2009-02-04T12:17:00.004+09:00

Click here to direct download this episode. Season 4 episode 1 of 13.

This week:

Setsubun
state of disaster in Kenutcky

Life in japan:

Why are there so many men dressed like women on Japanese TV?

The Apocalypse D0well Show: Episode 65

2008-12-24T18:43:00.002+09:00

Click here to direct download this episode. Season 3 episode 8 of 8.

Topics: end of year parties, dinner with the in-laws, the M1 Grand Prix, Tanuki genitalia, quarter pounder debuts in Osaka, and foreigners to get stimulus

Season 4 will begin on February 4th, 2009.

Thanks!

What's the problem, baby?

2008-12-18T22:27:00.002+09:00

Check out this headline on MSN. She said, "Do me."

The Apocalypse D0well Show: Episode 64

2008-12-17T12:39:00.004+09:00

Click here to direct download this episode. Season 3 episode 7 of 8.

the PS3 dilemma ends, the wife used ebay, CDs are expensive in Japan, I became one of the people I hate

The Apocalypse D0well Show: Episode 63

2008-12-10T11:45:00.009+09:00

Click here to direct download this episode. Season 3 episode 6 of 8.

Note: On the show I said this was episode 62. Woops.

Topics covered: went to see Wall-E, should I get a PS3?, Purple-san's encounter with some picture-taking lady, having too much stuff, mecha kawaii Perfume:

And, here's the "live" version:

Aristotle's baka ideas

2008-12-06T19:13:00.003+09:00

So, as I was reading Big Bang by Simon Singh today, I learned that not only did Aristotle believe that heavier objects fall faster than lighter ones, but he also believed that women have more teeth than men. This guy's supposed to be smart? I think we should start using the word aristotle to mean we screwed up or did something stupid.

"Dude, how was your test?"
"Dude, I totally aristotled it. Let's go get ripped."
"I feel you on that front, my main man. Let's imbibe some spirits."
"Yeah, we'll get totally aristotled."

The Apocalypse D0well Show: Episode 62

2008-12-03T12:02:00.005+09:00

Click here to direct download this episode. Season 3 episode 5 of 8.

Topics covered: visiting Kyoto, Japanese-speaking Germans on TV and Aki Hoshino, Shimura Zoo's crazy monkey, Becky, awful Pompeii dramatization, watching Amelie, classical education and the book Who Killed Homer?, Dan Carlin's Hardcore History

Kyoto and fried chicken doritos

2008-11-30T20:07:00.004+09:00

I always confuse Buddy Ebsen with Eddie Albert. Buddy Ebsen is the guy who played Uncle Jed on the Beverly Hillbillies. He was originally cast to play the Scarecrow in the Wizard of Oz, switched roles with the guy playing the Tin Man, and then got sick because of the makeup. I think that's a real rip off. I wonder if he held a grudge against the guy who got him to switch? I would have. Eddie Albert played the main guy in Green Acres. He also played a retired general on an episode of Columbo, which I saw today. I watched Columbo for the first time a couple of weeks ago, and I have to say it pretty much rules. He drops "one more thing"s like Steve Jobs.

After Columbo, the wife and I went to Starbucks. She got a sandwich, but there's nothing savory there for a vegetarian like me, so we stopped at a convenience store to get me a salty snack. I was really hoping for some Cheetos, but I don't see them so often at the konbinis. I saw Doritos, though, and I was fired up until I saw what kind of Doritos they were. Fried Chicken Doritos. That's right, they had Fried Chicken-flavored Doritos, but they didn't have the regular nacho kind. That drives me crazy. If you have just enough space for one kind of Doritos, go with the regular. Sometimes they'll have four kinds of Kit-Kats but no regular. Come on. Regular me. We don't need new crap. Also, fried chicken isn't a flavor; it's a food. Here are the Doritos in question.

We went to Heian Shrine, where we were married two years ago. Since Japan's the only country where the leaves change color in the autumn, we went to a couple of temples and checked out the leaves. Japan's also the only country with four seasons, trains, and bacon. What a country! The leaves were nice, and we checked out an aqueduct. What an aqueduct! I've never seen an aqueduct like it. There were plenty of people out, though, and a lot of them were old. Not to be ageist, but come on, granma, get the hell out of my way! I'm trying to find some potato chips.

The Apocalypse D0well Show: Episode 61

2008-11-26T12:11:00.003+09:00

Click here to direct download this episode. Season 3 episode 4 of 8.

News in Japan: guy arrested for murder

This week: anniversary dinner, Star Wars Lego for the Wii, Kyoto photo exhibition

Others: hay fever, Radio Lab's show about Choice

The Apocalypse D0well Show: Episode 60

2008-11-19T19:17:00.003+09:00

Click here to direct download this "episode." Season 3 episode 3 of 8.

Remember when I said I would put out an episode to be consistent even when I really shouldn't? Well, here you go. I'm losing my voice, so I did this one using a computer voice. I ran out of material in about nine minutes, so I put a short story in there. If you want to hear a robot voice talk about health insurance and pensions in Japan, then go nuts. Otherwise, move on. Nothing to see here.

Thanks!

The Apocalypse D0well Show: Episode 59

2008-11-12T12:14:00.004+09:00

Click here to direct download this episode.

In this episode, I take back any good things I've ever said about nbc.com.

This week: cleaning, reading (New Year's resolutions)

Life in Japan: Tsutaya sucks, Starbucks girl, cashier at local supermarket

Are You Crazy?: Toshio Tamogami gets fired for writing essay

News: Korean woman injected cooking oil into her own face for beauty

Japanese expression: mottainai

Thanks!

The Apocalypse D0well Show: Episode 58

2008-11-05T17:56:00.003+09:00

Click here to direct download this episode. Season 3 episode 1 of 8.

This one's a real stinker, but at least it's short. If it's any indication of what's to come in this season, you might just want to wait for season 4. I talked about our trip to Hawaii, taxes in Japan, and our friend's new baby. The only point of interest might be that I said something I shouldn't have and had to edit it out. Can you find the edit? Shouldn't be too hard.

Emails from Aaron, Lord the Kaosu, and a new listener, Seth from New Jersey.

Thanks!

Finally, some respect for Amagasaki

2008-10-25T21:01:00.002+09:00

So, why didn't anyone tell me about this Japanese version of The Office? I was happy to see that the city name on the sign at the beginning is Amagasaki. Go, Amagasaki, go! Slough, Scranton, and now Amagasaki. It works.

Go yen!

2008-10-24T22:17:00.002+09:00

So the rate's about 92 yen to one U.S. dollar. Go yen! If the yen keeps getting stronger, I'll be able to retire. Come on, good life!

Hawaii Top Ten

2008-10-18T19:17:00.003+09:00

10. Me: "It's a tie. This pineapple juice and the pineapple juice we had in Macau taste the same."
Wife: "No, it can't be a tie. Choose one."
Me: "Dole!"

9. bladonkadonk

8. "It's Locke!"

7. "No, he stopped working here three months ago. He's becoming a police officer."

6. "Migi way, please."

5. "Gang members live on that street. Just drop me off at Safeway."

4. "Shark! Dangerous!"

3. The Others' YMCA camp

2. Veggie burger at Cheeseburger in Paradise

1. "How many ABC Stores can you see from here?"

Somebody send me a banana, please

2008-10-03T23:38:00.003+09:00

There's a banana shortage here in Japan. Economies are crumbling. McCain still has a chance. Babies are being poisoned by milk in China. And, all I can think about is getting my hands on a banana or three.

As we all know, the Japanese love trends. They also love to congregate, but that's another post altogether. They especially love dieting trends and among these dieting trends, they especially love to hear about them on TV. Anyone remember the Natto Diet? I do. When I told people here that there was no way fermented beans were all that good for them, they scoffed. Then, it came out that it had all been a lie, natto is crap, and Apoc was right. Justified again. Well, now here we go with the bananas.

I know what you're thinking: Apoc, you're awesome. Thanks. I know what else you're thinking: Apoc, you're a liar. Well, liar I am not. If you don't believe me, check out this article in the effing Telegraph. They'll set you straight right out, pip pip.

So now the whole country's gone banana crazy, and the supermarket I went to today (Daiei) has no bananas. There's just a bananaless space where the bananas should be. Bananas are delicious. They have potassium. They're one of the few unprocessed foods I can eat. Somebody, give me a banana. Banana me! Come on, banana me!

The Apocalypse D0well Show: Episode 57

2008-08-27T13:53:00.004+09:00

Click here to direct download this episode. Season 2 Episode 13 of 13.

This week: the arrival of Aloha's package, Olympics

Life in Japan: my new favorite show, 33 Minute Detective

Feedback: emails from Aaron and Kaosu

Here's the song that's been running through my head all week:

Zutto Dance Dance Dance!

See you next season.

The Apocalypse D0well Show: Episode 56

2008-08-20T12:08:00.003+09:00

Click here to direct download this episode. Season 2 Episode 12 of 13.

Life in Japan: getting calls from Freaky Miki, dish rag on my head

This week: I talk about our trip to Macau and Hong Kong.

Feedback: Drew has a question.

The Apocalypse D0well Show: Episode 55

2008-08-11T23:35:00.004+09:00

Click here to direct download this episode. Season 2 episode 11 of 13.

This one's coming out early because of the trip to Hong Kong.

This week: Gao!, kickin' it with SamuelJSnakes, olympics, our lazy Sunday, rollercoaster math

Feedback: Kaosu had a question about The Undefined Show, and Aaron had a question about a manga called My Darling is a Foreigner.

Here's an older Gao! video from Tantei Knight Scoop.

The Apocalypse D0well Show: Episode 54

2008-08-06T08:43:00.004+09:00

Click here to direct download this episode. Season 2 episode 10 of 13.

This week: The Dark Knight

Life in Japan: went to a festival (devil horns)

Feedback: Jordan asked about knife attacks, Bongkai asked about Japanese junk food and Sayaka's book (here are the Amazon pre-order pages for part 1 and part 2), Kaosu had a question about the Olympics, and Sling Blade sent in an audio messsage.

Here's the only acceptable Ainori theme song.

The Apocalypse D0well Show: Episode 53

2008-07-30T19:53:00.003+09:00

Click here to direct download this episode. Season 2 episode 9 of 13.

This week: went to Charles Darwin exhibition, friend is getting published

News in Japan: Eel-flavored drink from Aaron

Feedback: Lord Kaosu asked a language question and sent in this video.

Thanks for listening!

The Apocalypse D0well Show: Episode 52

2008-07-23T15:38:00.003+09:00

Click here to direct download this episode. Season 2 Episode 8 of 13.

This week: the wife's getting famous, a "video store", cram school and baka girl, dedication to the Tigers taken too far, Roly Skender and the Tonics at the Blarney Stone, got a new phone (forgot to mention I can buy stuff with it like an ICOCA card), saw Ponyo (new Hayao Miyazaki movie), trying to win stuff

Feedback: audio feedback and question from Saggy Z, a news story from Eeeper, and questions/comments from Lord Kaosu

Does this guy remind you of Mick Aloha?

Here's the Ponyo song. Catchy!

Wife's photos in Joshi Camera magazine

2008-07-20T12:54:00.005+09:00

I'm really proud of the wife. In this month's Joshi Camera (女子カメラ Vol. 7), she has a page of photos on page 97. Joshi Camera found her on flickr and contacted her. They posted three of her flickr pictures and her profile picture. Also, one of her pics is used in the table of contents. What a wife! Here's one of the pics:

The Apocalypse D0well Show: Episode 51

2008-07-16T10:33:00.003+09:00

Click here to direct download this episode. Season 2 Episode 7 of 13.

This week: trip to Softbank to check out the iPhone, kicking it with an akachan, see-through shirts the latest rage in Japan?

Life in Japan: the Softbank commercials with the dog as the father, Is Japanese TV dumber than American TV?

Feedback/questions: Lord Kaosu asks about a softcore channel and offers a terrible music video, Colm (driving force behind the Wicked Pissa Podcast) asks about hitting the beach in Japan

Here's one of those Softbank commercials:

And here's the video Kaosu sent in:

iTunes 7.7 problem with 2nd gen iPod Shuffle

2008-07-14T10:46:00.003+09:00

Note: This post will be of interest only if you have a second generation iPod shuffle.

A couple of nights ago, I went out for a run with my iPod shuffle. When I hit the play button, the light flashed green-orange-green-orange several times and then stopped. I reset it (turned it off and then on), but it still did the same thing. I assumed the battery was dead, brought it back inside, and took my wife's Nano on the run instead.

Last night, after the Shuffle had been charging for most of the day, I once again planned to use it while running. Again, when I hit play, it flashed green and orange. I connected it (iTunes recognized it fine) and noticed that under the Shuffle in iTunes there was a new podcast folder. I deleted it, synced the Shuffle, and still got the flashing green and orange.

Next, I tried to restore the Shuffle. I got a message saying it had been restored and that I should wait for it to appear in iTunes, but it never appeared so I disconnected. Once again, I got the flashing green and orange.

Several people have been having this problem with iTunes 7.7, and I'd heard that restoring worked. The only thing left to do was to restart my mac. When I'd installed 7.7, I hadn't restarted, so I thought that might have been the problem. I restarted, restored the Shuffle, and now it works fine. So, my advice is restart your mac after you update iTunes. I thought it was supposed to automatically do that, but I guess not.

The Apocalypse D0well Show: Episode 50

2008-07-09T10:33:00.004+09:00

Click here to direct download this episode. Season 2 episode 6 of 13.

This week: I got lost (literally, not in translation), Outback in Osaka, Junkudo, a cafe that reminds me of old Kentuck

Listener content/feedback: I mentioned e-mails from SJS and Jordan and answered a question from Lord Kaosu. Captain Hooks sent this link for What Japan Thinks and Josh in Japan sent this video:

Thanks to everyone who contributed. Thank you for listening!

Gal Sone to Kobayashi: Eat it

2008-07-05T00:06:00.002+09:00

I just saw Takeru Kobayashi on CNN. He's the Japanese guy who can eats lots of hot dogs really quickly. Kobayashi lost last year (go America), but he's going to attempt to reclaim his crown. My question is where is Gal Sone in all of this? She's the most awesome eater around. Sure, she's not so fast, but she can pack it away. I saw a show about her and they had a doctor check out her eating awesomeness. He found that when she eats, her stomach expands and fills her abdomen, kind of like a super hero. Here's a video:

eMobile ad offends some people

2008-07-03T23:09:00.006+09:00

Some people are upset about an eMobile cell phone ad here in Japan. It shows a political candidate pushing for change; the crowd listening to his speech holds up signs that read Change. Sounds a bit like Barack Obama, yeah? Oh, and in the commercial the candidate's a monkey. Ouch. Here's the commercial.

There are so many things wrong with this ad I don't know where to start. The most obvious thing is it's offensive to monkeys; they're cool animals, so we shouldn't depict them as politicians. Also, the monkey cries at the end, an obvious reference to Obama's weak stance on terrorism.

They pulled the commercial; I didn't have a chance to catch it on the air. Sure it's offense, but 1,980 yen? Are you kidding me? Where do I sign up?

The Apocalypse D0well Show: Episode 49

2008-07-02T20:12:00.003+09:00

Click here to direct download this episode. Season 2 episode 5 of 13.

This week:

hanging out in Umeda, betting on horses, getting my hair cut, Alien Vs. Predator

Japan:

Purple Lady update, too many gaijin in my neighborhood recently, Governor Hashimoto is making stupid decisions

News:

MonkeyBridge arrested

Feedback:

from Noobchan and The Kid

Book Review: The Riddle and the Knight by Giles Milton

2008-06-26T23:57:00.005+09:00

The subtitle of this book is In Search of Sir John Mandeville, the World's Greatest Traveller. I thought I was the world's greatest traveler, so I had issues with this book from the cover. Way to go, Giles.

I'm a Giles Milton fan; I believe I've read all of his non-fiction books. He has a fiction book that I didn't even buy in the bargain bin; sorry, man, but you're a non-fiction writer for me. I got started with Samurai William, which I borrowed from an English bloke I know, and then moved on to the other books, which I purchased with my own currency.

Enough about currency, let's talk about this book. There was this guy names Sir John Mandeville who lived way back in the 1300's. Now, we have a problem already, since back then people didn't care one about bit how one went about spelling words, so Mandeville's one version, but you might also find Mandevil, Man Devil, Man check out that devil, and Mandamandamanda. See, we're already confused. It wasn't until the onset of the Internet and video games that spelling started conforming to rules, although it hasn't conformed too well as I've already written traveler with two different spellings. That's what happens when Yanks review British books.

This guy Mandeville, see, claimed to have traveled for over thirty years. He wrote a book about it once he'd returned to Old England, or as it was known back then, England. The first half of the book is believable enough; he went to Jerusalem, he went to Istanbul, he checked out some cathedrals and drank a lot of wine. Although some of the places he claimed to have visited weren't all that safe for travellers (woops), it's believable enough. The problem comes in the second half of the book, in which he claims to go to the far East, as far as the Yodobashi Camera in Akihabara, and he claims that he saw all kinds of monsters. The story just gets crazier and crazier, making many people believe that it's all a bit of rubbish.

Giles Milton set out to follow Sir John's path and to find out if the first part of his book was true. What did he find out? What did he discover on this journey? You'll have to read to find out.

I have to warn you, if you dislike 1) history or 2) travel, this book is not for you. If you'd like to read about a modern day writer investigating the claims of a guy who's been dead for 600 years, then check it out.

Thou Shalt Commit Adultery

2008-06-25T22:58:00.003+09:00

I'm reading a book called How Computers Work. The part I'm reading now briefly covers the history of printing and mentions The Wicked Bible. It's a 1631 reprint of the King James Bible in which the not in Thou shalt not commit adultery was omitted. I'm thinking the Ten Commandments are the one part of the bible you want to double check when you're printing it, especially if you're printing it in 17th century England. Some people think the devil printed the Wicked Bible; if so, it makes me wonder why adultery was the focus and not something bigger, like, hmm, I don't know...worshiping the devil. Seems like Ol' Scratch would have made some changes to make himself look better, not to encourage fornication. Instead, he should have slipped in Beavis and Butthead's Thou that smelt it thine own self dealt it.

The Apocalypse D0well Show: Episode 48

2008-06-25T14:41:00.004+09:00

Click here to direct download this episode. Season 2 Episode 4 of 13.

News:

woman slashes people at JR Osaka station and D0well hides

This week:

movies: Indy 4, Megane (I think the user comment about this movie on IMDB had to have been written by the director), someone had a baby, 20th anniversary of Tantei Knight Scoop, the rainy season, ordering at Subway

Submission:

Eeeper sent in this Mr. T commercial:

Thanks!

Book Review: On Writing by Stephen King

2008-06-20T23:17:00.004+09:00

This was the third time I've read On Writing. It's divided into two parts: the first part covers King's life and the factors that contributed to and influenced his early writing and subsequent career, and the second part covers how to write.

In the first part, King tells stories about his life that show how he became a writer. My favorite story was how he learned that the paperback rights to Carrie had sold and how much money he would receive.

In the second part, King describes how he writes and offers writing advice. He refers often to The Elements of Style by Strunk and White, another book I would recommend. He says that in order to write you have to read; he describes people who come up to him and say they want to be writers but that they don't have time to read. King has no time for them and neither do I. I like that his advice often leads to a loss of the pretension that surrounds so much writing; you don't have to use big words, just use what you know. You don't have to fill your writing with euphemisms; just be honest. It's all great advice.

There's a short part at the end in which King describes getting hit by a van back in the summer of '99. At the time, he was halfway through the On Writing manuscript.

If you write, this book is highly recommended. If you don't, I still recommend it. You could do a lot worse than reading about King's life and how to kill unnecessary adverbs. A lot worse.

The Apocalypse D0well Show: Episode 47

2008-06-18T13:12:00.004+09:00

Click here to direct download this episode. Season 2 Episode #3 of 13.

News: Japan fatties are in trouble. Thanks to Mr. K for sending it in.

This Week/Life in Japan: Always 2, G8 is hurting my ability to throw stuff away, crowded trains because of Tigers fans

Mentioned video: Sean Lennon's Honda commercials

The Apocalypse D0well Show: Episode 46

2008-06-11T14:32:00.005+09:00

Click here to direct download this episode. Season 2 Episode 2 of 13.

This Week: Tantei Knight Scoop (note: if you follow the link, I recommend the second video), Harrison Ford on SMAPxSMAP, Uchoten Hotel
News in Japan: Akihabara a**hole
Interview: with a Japanese girl
Life in Japan: my new archenemy, Sakana-kun
"Special Guest": Lord Kaosu reports on the state of the Japanese swim team
Final topic: iPhone coming to Japan

Sakana-kun video:

SMAP destroying a Mariah Carey song with Mariah

Book Review: The Code Book by Simon Singh

2008-06-07T22:37:00.004+09:00

I love Simon's Singh's books. I started with Fermat's Enigma, although I'm pretty sure the version I read was called Fermat's Last Thereom. Then, I read the Code Book, followed last year by Big Bang.

The Code Book is about the history of codes and ciphers, but mostly ciphers. He starts with some of the oldest, most basic ciphers and moves through history to the present (okay, 1999, but close enough). Along the way, we meet characters like Mary Queen of Scots, Alan Turing, and the Navajo code talkers. My favorite parts were the breaking of the German Enigma, the decipherment of Linear B, and the lengths the British government went to so that the Germans wouldn't know their ciphers had been broken. It's all engaging, even the part about the future of cryptography that I found boring the first time I read it. If you like secrets, math, and history, you'll love it.

Here's the Amazon link:

The Apocalypse D0well Show: Episode 45

2008-06-04T15:05:00.004+09:00

Click here to direct download this episode. This is the first of 13 episodes for season 2.

Note: This is the first new episode since May 2006.

Topics covered: The lady who lived in a closet, the kid with rocks, Osaka women who wear shirts with cats on them, my inability to count Japanese money, the Purple Lady, and the flute. There's also an interview with a Japanese guy and a review of The Salmon of Doubt by Douglas Adams. Thanks for listening!

Update: I just realized it sounds like I say I'm going to be doing 13 episodes a week. That's definitely not true. I'll do one episode per week for the next 13 weeks.

The Apocalypse D0well Show: Episode 44

2008-05-31T21:35:00.002+09:00

Click here to direct download this episode. Please ignore all parts of this episode that say it's the last. I'm going to start putting out new episodes soon.

The Apocalypse D0well Show (2005-2006)

Born on stage. Died on wax.

The Apocalypse D0well Show: Episode 43

2008-05-31T21:33:00.001+09:00

Click here to direct download this episode. This is where I started to lose it.

Here's the next to last episode of the show. The song First Pipe is by Daniel Ottini, Come Dancing is by Fake Tan, After Touch is by Sinphony, and Miniscule is by A Single Voice.

The Apocalypse D0well Show: Episode 42

2008-05-31T21:30:00.001+09:00

Click here to direct download this episode.

Here's episode 42. I talk about Golden Week (a little), Horiemon, women-only cars on the train, and play some FUs.

The Apocalypse D0well Show: Episode 41

2008-05-31T21:28:00.001+09:00

Click here to direct download this episode.

In Episode 41, I talk about meeting up with a listener, shopping for the wedding, Puddle Driver, INXS, and Amagasaki jerks. There are a few FUs and I play some music at the end. Songs are by The Promise Ring and Snowden, from the Podsafe Music Network. Thanks!

The Apocalypse D0well Show: Episode 40

2008-05-31T21:25:00.002+09:00

Click here to direct download this episode.

Here's Episode 40. I talk about watching people at Captain Kangaroo, Matt's exhibition, and being approached on the train. There are a few FUs and there's a Mr. T interview with the MMD. Apologies to Anime Pulse. Also, I recorded a guest spot on Anime Genesis. Thanks!

The Apocalypse D0well Show: Episode 39

2008-05-31T21:23:00.002+09:00

Click here to direct download this episode. This episode was hosted by Terrance.

Terrance from the Kobe Beef Show guest hosts Episode 39. Music by Alex Brooke.

Thanks to Terrance and T-Bone.

The Apocalypse D0well Show: Episode 38

2008-05-31T21:21:00.001+09:00

Click here to direct download this episode.

Here's episode 38. I talk about the crazy can lady, the movie we saw last weekend, baby clothes, DS Lite availability, Knight Scoop, and a little about cherry blossom viewing. There are 3 FUs this week and some other voice mails. I recorded on different software, so it might sound a bit different. Music is by Avail. Thanks!

The Apocalypse D0well Show: Episode 37

2008-05-31T21:17:00.001+09:00

Click here to direct download this episode. I think this is the death episode.

Episode 37 is a bit more serious than most episodes. I talk about the new forums, play some FUs, talk about some serious things, and read some feedback. Thanks! Links: Misaki Ito, Yu Yamada

The Apocalypse D0well Show: Episode 36

2008-05-31T21:15:00.001+09:00

Click here to direct download this episode.

This episode includes the second half of the interview with Brett about his trip to Japan.

The Apocalypse D0well Show: Episode 35

2008-05-31T21:13:00.001+09:00

Click here to direct download this episode.

In this episode, I talk with Brett from the Wicked Pissa Podcast about his trip to Japan two years ago. Also, I talk about Mario Kart Arcade, Walk the Line, karaoke, Otaku Generation, 1 FU, and other crap. There's a new forum for the show here. Please stop by and check it out. What's up to Galupo? Sorry about saying and spelling your name wrong on the show.

The Apocalypse D0well Show: Episode 34

2008-05-30T22:53:00.001+09:00

Click here to direct download this episode.

This episode is dedicated to the shorties. You'll hear about: a crazy monkey, my rap career, Knight Scoop, Narnia, Outback, the Moses nickel, 6 FUs, and the introduction of The Quiz.

The Apocalypse D0well Show: Episode 33

2008-05-30T22:50:00.001+09:00

Click here to direct download this episode.

nWp site launch. Digg it here

Ainori. That's a pic of Sexy Dynamite and the South African driver. I forgot to mention in the show that the van is call the Lovewagon, that three people watch the show in a studio and comment on it as it plays, and that once they showed a guy fall off an ostrich

Links:

Ronald-san, Hitomi Kuroki (Hot girls in Japan), Simon

Apologies to Skip Jenkins for not getting his FU in the show this week. It'll start next week's show.

The Apocalypse D0well Show: Episode 32

2008-05-30T22:48:00.001+09:00

Click here to direct download this episode.

Episode 32:

4 FUs, Starbucks girls, Koala Executive, ICOCA, Hot Girls in Japan, I like to elbow people, Doraemon, Anime Noodle, Spaceman

The Apocalypse D0well Show: Episode 31

2008-05-30T22:43:00.002+09:00

Click here to direct download this episode.

Here's Episode 31. It's pretty crappy.

Links:

Gil from Belgium. Other links mentioned should be to the right in the sidebar.

The Apocalypse D0well Show: Episode 30

2008-05-29T21:42:00.001+09:00

Click here to direct download this episode.

Here's episode 30. It's a bit early because my computer's heading to the shop. I talk about the DS Kid's new crime-fighting partner, my experience (almost) running from the police (almost) like Mick Aloha because I want to ride his wave of popularity, and the girl with long hands. We have FUs from some new folks.

The Apocalypse D0well Show: Episode 29

2008-05-29T21:33:00.003+09:00

Click here to direct download this episode.

In Episode 29, I talk about Japanese TV shows that teach people English, like this one. It's Shaku, not Shoko. Oh, and Mick Aloha's latest episode spills over into this one a bit.

The Apocalypse D0well Show: Episode 28

2008-05-29T21:30:00.001+09:00

Click here to direct download this episode. Enter the DS Kid.

Episode 28. DS Kid, 5 F.U.s, wedding plans, interview, and much more.

links:

Ninja Consultant. Other links should be on the right side panel.

Thanks!

Short Story: Splaynor by ApocD

2008-05-29T16:04:00.003+09:00

Splaynor didn't want to die. He was in no immediate danger of dying, at least not that he knew of, but his death was out there somewhere, just waiting to come in and sweep him away to nothingness. He didn't like that, the nothingness, nope, he didn't care for it one bit.

His kind embraced death as a step, but Splaynor couldn't understand how dying was a step, unless it was a step down. Their culture celebrated death, threw parties for people who'd died, and prayed to the two suns for death to come, but usually not until they were very old. The two suns delivered, too, although sometimes not as quickly as one would have hoped, especially in situations of extreme pain. Splaynor's grandmother had lain in bed for three transits, pain racking her body, as she prayed for a merciful death that never came.

Splaynor's friends never talked about it. That didn't bother Splaynor too much; he knew there was nothing they could say to take away his fear. They knew nothing more than he did. It was like physicists talking about the insides of black holes; none of them would ever know, for absolute certain, what was in there. Maybe death lived in black holes. Splaynor didn't want to find out.

Splaynor got depressed. His friends avoided him. His family talked of only the most surface things, like the next vacation to the Spameel Flats or the latest imports from the second moon. It didn't matter. They were all going to die. Nothing mattered when you knew you were going to die.

Splaynor was eating less, which meant he had less food gathering to do. That was good. Splaynor hated food gathering. It would be so much easier to store food in homes, but that wasn't the way, and ways didn't change.

The days grew shorter. Splaynor hated the cold season, when the gathering became even more difficult, and the food lost its taste. He lay on his mat most of the cold season, staring out a round window in his home's ceiling up at the sky, watching the suns cross the sky, waiting for them to drop so he could watch the stars. He preferred the stars. He sometimes wondered if there was other life out there, wondered if there were beings out there looking up at the stars wondering the same thing. He wondered if any of them felt the way he did. He doubted it. They probably had as many rules and distractions as Splaynor's kind, enough to keep them from thinking about anything real until the end was upon them.

The cold season faded, but Splaynor's depression remained. He strolled among the flowers on the hill on the edge of town, the hill where he had watched the stars with his friends when he had been young. They were all gone, most of them to the cities, but some of them to their graves. Thinking of them only made Splaynor feel worse.

It was nice being back on the hill. Townsfolk nodded at him as they passed, some young ones said hello to him. As he stood and soaked up the heat of the two suns, he had an idea. If death scared him so much, then he would make himself miserable. He was almost there, anyway, so if he just continued, then he would be so miserable he would want to die. He would welcome death like an old friend.

Splaynor called the townsfolk within hearing distance a bunch of flipping idiots who probably still thought the two suns went around the planet. The townsfolk didn't like that. Some stared, but most grumbled to themselves and kept their eyes down. Splaynor yelled at them again, just to make sure they heard. He was sure by the end of the day it would be all over town, and then everyone would really hate him. Making fun of people was bad enough, but doing it in public where everyone could hear, well, that was unforgivable. Unforgivable Splaynor. He liked the sound of that. It didn't exactly roll off the tongue, but neither did a lot of things that sounded good.

On his way home, Splaynor stopped by his parents' place and told them he didn't want to speak to them again. His mother cried, and for a moment Splaynor thought he would take it back and tell her it was a joke, but he didn't, and as he walked away from the house, through the streets crowded with workers returning from the wells, he felt terrible. He was off to a good start.

Back at his house, he looked through his things for anything that he really liked. He had a collection of rocks that he had brought back from the eighth moon, the rocky one, when he had gone there on a learning trip. His first trip off planet meant a lot to him, so he opened his door and threw the rocks out into the darkness, where they would be lost among the pebbles and stones surrounding his home. He felt terrible. For years he had studied those rocks, used them to remind him of better times, and now they were gone forever.

His mat was the next to go. It was too comfortable. Splaynor would have to get used to sleeping on the floor. If he got used to it, though, then he wouldn't be miserable, and he needed to be as miserable as possible. As he threw the mat onto a rock pile behind his home, he knew he would eventually have to think of something worse than the floor, maybe sleeping on rocks, but for now the floor would suffice. He hated leaving the mat outside. It would look awful and Splaynor hated people who just threw their junk outside instead of disposing of it. He would be like the people he hated, and that would make him more miserable.

Splaynor thought it was good.

Back inside, he lay on the floor and watched the stars through the round window in this roof. He would have to do something about the window, either cover it with something or just paint over it. For tonight, he would just close his eyes and force himself not to look. It would be tough, but that was what Splaynor wanted. As Splaynor's mind raced with ideas of how to make himself more miserable, he fell asleep on his hard floor.

The next day, the rays of the two suns came through the window in his roof and woke him. It was late. He had slept longer than normal, but that was to be expected when one was miserable. It was working. He finished his food gathering quickly and then went to town, where he heard whispers as he walked the streets. Splaynor stopped at the homes of his best friends, people he had been friends with since he had been very young. Some of them even had young ones themselves, and as Splaynor watched the young ones run around the homes of his friends, he felt jealousy welling up in him, a feeling that he had been left out through no fault of his own. He told his friends every bad thought he had ever had about them. He let it all out, letting them know all of their faults, and as the truth poured out, Splaynor could see his friends breaking, falling apart. Some of them yelled at him, but most just asked him to leave, and a couple of them had just stood there with looks of shock. Splaynor had shown himself to the door.

Splaynor returned to his home. The light of the two suns was failing. He gathered pebbles from the land near his home—he wasn't sure if any of the pebbles had come from Moon Eight—and carried them up the side of his home to the window, where he spread them out so that they covered the window. The window sat in an indentation, which held the pebbles nicely. He liked the idea of using pebbles instead of just covering the window; they would allow some like through, reminding him that he couldn't see what was producing the light. It would make him miserable.

Without family, friends, mat, or a view of the outside from his home, Splaynor went to sleep.

The hot season was halfway over. No one had visited Splaynor since his exercise in making himself miserable had begun. At first he had missed everyone, but the feeling had passed. He didn't even miss his view of the sky.

He was sleeping on rocks. Every morning when he woke up, his body ached, but after some time, even that bothered him very little.

Splaynor decided that his first efforts to make himself miserable had been too weak. He'd probably never actually liked his friends or family, anyway. The feeling had just hidden under all of the feelings he was supposed to feel for them, but never actually did. Something stronger should work, though. Something to truly make him miserable.

He tried to think of people, other then people with terminal illnesses, who really wanted to die. The first example Splaynor came up with was the crew of the Buffalo, the spaceship sent to visit the farthest away of the giant planets. Several malfunctions had conspired to leave the engines inoperable, and the spaceship had just drifted right past the planet and on out into space. Their communications equipment worked fine; the ground crew had listened for over a year as the crew of the Buffalo had drifted and then starved to death. There were rumors that the crew went crazy, some killed and ate each other, but no one but the ground crew knew for sure, and they weren't talking.

The Buffalo's crew had spoken to the public through their transmissions on several occasions, and toward the end they'd talked about how much they just wanted to die, how much they just wanted that release.

Splaynor had no access to any spaceships, and anyway he didn't want to starve to death. He liked eating. A disability would make him miserable. He could poke out one of his eyes, maybe all three, or just cut himself up so that he was disfigured. He didn't like that idea very much. The thought occurred to him that after some time, he might get used to it. Then, he would have a disability and still not want to die.

Splaynor decided that before he did anything more, he would see the town elder, if the elder would even see him after all of the things Splaynor had said.

The elder let him in. That was a good sign. The elder offered him a mat and asked him to sit. The elder looked a lot older than he had the last time Splaynor had seen him. Perhaps the cold season had been rough, or perhaps Splaynor just hadn't been paying attention before.

The elder asked Splaynor why he had come and Splaynor explained the situation.

The elder stared at him for several seconds before speaking. “You want to be miserable so you'll want to die?”

Splaynor nodded. “Yes, that's right.”

“Do you believe in the creator?”

“No.”

The elder nodded. “I see.”

Splaynor edged forward on the mat. “Is there anything I can do to make myself so miserable that I'll want to die?”

The elder studied his hands in his lap and then looked up at Splaynor. “Yes, there is.”

“Well, what is it?”

“Get old.”

The Apocalypse D0well Show: Special Episode #1

2008-05-28T15:32:00.000+09:00

Click here to direct download this episode.

In this episode, I talk about asking my girlfriend's father if I can marry her.

The Apocalypse D0well Show: Episode 27

2008-05-28T00:22:00.001+09:00

Click here to direct download this episode.

Episode 27 is completely original and in no way rips off any other podcasts. Ripped off podcasts include: Kobe Beef, The Colmination, and Otaku Generation (just a little). Parley. Top 5 Aqua Teen Hunger Force episodes. Thanks for listening!

Links: MacCast, Hometown Tales

The Apocalypse D0well Show: Episode 26

2008-05-26T23:33:00.002+09:00

Click here to direct download this episode.

Here's episode 26. I talk about my plans to ask Keiko's father for her hand in marriage. Check out Weekly Anime Review. Thanks for listening.

The Apocalypse D0well Show: Episode 25

2008-05-26T23:30:00.001+09:00

Click here to direct download this episode.

Episode 25:

F.U.s from Vegan $andy, Bo$ton Brett, and me. Voice mail from $mall Ball$ and $paceman. I talk about my trip back to the U.S. This is the first episode I've recorded while wearing a baseball cap. Please check the flickr account for updates.

The Apocalypse D0well Show: Episode 24

2008-05-26T23:29:00.001+09:00

Click here to direct download this episode.

Shownotes for Episode 24:

About halfway through this episode my cold medicine kicks in and things get a little weird.

Mentioned links:

Twinkie Beyond, JPop Blast, Boston Brett's Wicked Pissa Podcast, Kobe Beef, Josh in Japan, The Colmination, and Otaku Generation

The Apocalypse D0well Show: Episode 23

2008-05-26T23:27:00.002+09:00

Click here to direct download this episode.

Here's Episode 23. I got a new phone. Mick Aloha arrives soon and we have lots planned. We had band practice this week. FU's from Brett and Carlos C. Carlos. Promo for Porkchop's Political Oddcast. Chigaimasu man. Those wacky Minoo monkeys. An otaku rebuttal. Spaceman rocks. Isosceles Jones takes us out. Links to every mentioned site should be in the side panel on the right. Thanks for listening!

The Apocalypse D0well Show: Episode 22

2008-05-26T23:24:00.001+09:00

Click here to direct download this episode.

Show notes for Episode 22:

Music by the Promise Ring. Check out Jade Tree Records.

Life in Japan topic is studying Japanese

Mentioned links: Twinkie Beyond, Otaku Generation, Image Chaos, Skip Jenkins, Space Man. Let me know if I forgot any.

Thanks for listening.

Corrections: It's BIGELF, not Big Elf. Also, the Promise Ring song is Why Did Ever We Meet, not Why Did We Ever Meet.

The Apocalypse D0well Show: Episode 21

2008-05-26T23:21:00.003+09:00

Click here to direct download this episode. The wife (girlfriend at the time) is heard for the first time.

Shownotes for Episode 21:

This is the first time Keiko has been on a show. I recorded late, so she came in while I was recording.

Links mentioned in the show...Mick Aloha, Mark Bee, Twinkie Beyond, my favorite niche podcast JPop Blast, Boston Brett, Space Man, Two Men with Foreskin, and Skip Jenkins. Thanks to listener Kiri for the FUs, and to Carrie and John for the e-mails. Thanks for listening!

The Apocalypse D0well Show: Episode 20

2008-05-26T23:18:00.003+09:00

Click here to direct download this episode. Mick Aloha guest hosted this one. If you hate Aloha, don't listen. If you love him, you'll be very happy.

Shownotes for Episode 20:

Today's special guest host is Mick Aloha. Thanks, Aloha!

The song "The World" is by U.S. Bombs. Check them out at Epitaph Records

Contributions from Small Balls (get a website, Captain Caveman), the back stabbing cockbites at Otaku Generation, Robbie from Jpop Blast, L.C. Pinkerton, Professor Bestestes from Two Men with Foreskin, Boston Brett, Spaceman, and BrianZ.

Feedback from Drew and Iron Dragon

Mentioned podcasts/sites: Colmination, Vegan Sandy, and Twinkie Beyond. If I forgot or missed any, please let me know. I haven't listened to the whole show, yet.

Again, thanks to Mick Aloha. Click here for his show and here for the show we do together.

The Apocalypse D0well Show: Episode 19

2008-05-26T23:12:00.002+09:00

Click here to direct download this episode. This episode has the first mention of The Moon Masters.

Shownotes for Episode 19:

BrianZ's mom is mad at me.

Intro music is by Bigelf. Thanks to L.A. Jim

This week:

party in South Osaka, kids on bikes speaking English, the guy at the video store rips me off, Meg Ryan's Nescafe commercial

FUs of the week from Vegan Sandy and Boston Brett

Interview with Mick Aloha

Voice mail from Kyle Dragon Ash

Spaceman segment

Lots of listener feedback. Thanks for all of the feedback!

New podcast with Mick Aloha is called The Moon Masters

Thanks for listening!

The Apocalypse D0well Show: Episode 18

2008-05-26T23:07:00.003+09:00

Click here to direct download this episode. This is the one with the Kyle Dragon Ash song.

Shownotes for Episode 18:

song for Kyle Dragon Ash of Otaku Generation

News in Japan: Cats are up to no good again, PETA protests Japanese KFC with possibly hot chicks, MP3 toilet, fighting the dropping birthrate

This week: Leo DiCaprio and Go Go Yubari in commercials (not the same commercials), Indian food with Matt and Kumiko, and Indian dancing...Niboda niboda!

Life in Japan: what kind of job should you get here?

Spaceman segment

Podcasts I like: Otaku Generation, Escape Pod, Porkchop's Political Oddcast, Porkchop and Ronald-san's Outrealm Detective Agency Podquest, Expatcast, BrianZ, Suburban Transpondency

Voice mail from Small Balls

Feedback: e-mails from Beego, Drew, Neil

Thanks for listening!

The Apocalypse D0well Show: Episode 17

2008-05-24T23:18:00.001+09:00

Click here to direct download this episode.

Episode 17:

Black and Red is by Avail.

This week:

Hide, Reina, Neil, Atsuko, pot smoking taxi drivers, Zork, my encounter with the Big Breast Champion, e-mails from Nigeria

F.U. of the week from Brett and a guy who lives in Tokyo. (I tell a fart story, too)

News in Japan: Hello Kitty plane, killer 12 year-olds

Life in Japan: My trip to the doctor

Podcasts I like: BrianZ, promos for Otaku Generation and Mondays.

Spaceman segment: What kind of burrito is he eating?

Feedback from Professor Bestestes, Isosceles Jones, Meat, another Brett, and Kurse

Thanks for listening!

The Apocalypse D0well Show: Episode 16

2008-05-24T23:15:00.002+09:00

Click here to direct download this episode.

Shownotes for Episode 16:

Song "The Longest Line" is by NOFX. Check them out here. It's from the Podsafe Music Network.

This week: The Life Aquatic, Itami Diamond City Mall, random guy knocked on my door

F.U. of the week: First, Jackie from Twinkie Beyond goes after rain. Then, Brett goes after people who don't wash their hands after taking care of business. Props to Small Balls.

Podcasts I like: Thanks to Otaku Generation and Suburban Transpondency for playing the Brace for Impact promo. Also, thanks to Paul at The Rev Up Review for mentioning Brace for Impact.

News in Japan: toe-eating cat, microchips in dangerous pets, iPod tax, underwear theft

Life in Japan: washing clothes

Spaceman: Call for help for Therapeutic Riding. Spaceman has a new podcast

Thanks for listening!

The Apocalypse D0well Show: Episode 15

2008-05-24T23:13:00.002+09:00

Click here to direct download this episode. Enter the new theme song.

Episode 15 Shownotes:

00:00 disclaimer

00:13 intro from L.A. Jim

00:40 here's Apocalypse D0well, Mick Aloha's alive, show summary

News in Japan

02:53 News in Japan bumper

03:14 Charles Jenkins wrote a book

06:53 Rumsfeld not coming to Japan this month

08:52 Anti-Japan Chinese video game

11:40 Japan preparing for cyber attacks

14:42 Her Imperial Highness Princess Sayako gets paid

This Week

17:30 This week bumper

17:39 I'm going to write a novel in November

19:25 I spoke to my Japanese landlady for the first time in over three years

25:32 Keiko and I ate the No Chicken noodle soup from VeganSandy

26:06 I've been leaving voice mails at other podcasts. I don't think they'll play them.

27:15 The new promo for Brace for Impact was played on Daily Source Code.

27:52 Show ID from Jackie at Twinkie Beyond

27:56 Life in Japan: I talk about why I moved to Japan

40:06 Show ID from Doctor L. from Two Men with Foreskin

Podcasts I Like

40:28 Podcasts I like bumper

40:37 I talk about Two Men with Foreskin

42:20 Paul has a new blog. Check it out here

42:56 Promo for Suburban Transpondency

44:24 I talk about what I don't like in podcasts

47:30 I list every podcast I'm subscribed to

50:00 Voice mail from Small Balls. Did he say "small ballsish?"

51:51 Voice mail from Space Man. He gives a shout out to Otaku Generation. He also asks about service dogs in Japan. You can read about them here.

59:18 e-mail from L.A. Jim

1:00:32 I ask for help from other podcasts so I can get a promo together

Thanks for listening!

The Apocalypse D0well Show: Episode 14

2008-05-24T23:10:00.001+09:00

Click here to direct download this episode.

Shownotes for Episode 14:

News in Japan: giant squids and murders

Life in Japan: tipping, always answering questions with "hai"

F.U. of the week #1 from Brett. He goes after toilet makers

This week: Guam, outrunning school girls, I got very lost, j-mullet

Voice mail from Spaceman. He hates pennies

Voice mail from Small Balls

F.U. of the Week #2 from BrianZ. He goes after Mick Aloha

Feedback from Sue, Ken, Michael, John from ExpatCast, Tim, and Twinkie Man

The Apocalypse D0well Show: Episode 13

2008-05-24T22:51:00.000+09:00

Click here to direct download this episode.

Check out my hometown

News in Japan: NHK downsizing, NHK coming after fee evaders, Chinese shop bans Japanese and dogs, and North Korea says they'll give up nuke program

F.U. of the week comes from listener Spaceman. He goes after Schwan's pizza and Quicktime.

This week: Hitchhiker's Guide, skinny Peter Jackson, and I was attacked by a green caterpillar

Life in Japan: toilets A.K.A. Taking a dump in Japan

Thanks for listening!

The Apocalypse D0well Show: Episode 12

2008-05-24T22:49:00.001+09:00

Click here to direct download this episode.

Episode 12 includes:

News in Japan: scorpions, pythons, election/constitution

This week: we saw Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, the bottle plunger, site hit from Paris Hilton, Googlefight, I walked really far, Elizabethtown, new Mr. T show, Top Gun digitally remastered, Kansai rules

F.U. to people you can't shake from your life

Lyrics I like: Jets to Brazil's Morning New Disease from the CD Orange Rhyming Dictionary

Life in Japan: I hate NHK and the NHK guys

Podcasts I like: Escape Pod and Two Men With Foreskin

Feedback from the Twinkie Man and the mystery spaceman

Thanks for listening!

The Apocalypse D0well Show: Episode 11

2008-05-24T22:43:00.001+09:00

Click here to direct download this episode.

Red Dawn

Mr. T talks trash to Otaku Generation

F.U. to the makers of Friends DVDs in Japan

Eye doctors in Japan

I didn't pay a bill for a year

Rant against forwarded e-mail

Mick Aloha needs to stop wooing my woman

I'm a fan of The Expatcast

Listener feedback

Thanks for listening!

The Apocalypse D0well Show: Episode 10

2008-05-24T22:39:00.001+09:00

Click here to direct download this episode. Enter Brett.

Shownotes for Episode 10:

Thanks to Otaku Generation

Follow-up from last week's show

Charles from Arkansas tells us his ghost story

Rant about Japanese politicians screaming their heads off at train stations

The hurricane

New segment: Favorite lyrics. This week, it's The Weakerthans

My trip to Hiroshima

Listener feedback, including a long e-mail from Brett

Promo for Two Men with Foreskin

I'll try to put up a Skype conversation with Mick Aloha next week

UPDATE: For those of you who have asked, I put the notes I used for this episode into the Flickr album.

The Apocalypse D0well Show: Episode 9

2008-05-24T22:37:00.001+09:00

Click here to direct download this episode. I tell a ghost story.

A very special Apocalypse D0well Show:

I tell my only ghost story

Promo for the Paranormal Podcast

The show now has a photo album and a voice mail number

I talk about what I like in podcasts, the future of the Apocalypse D0well Show, and the future of Apocalypse D0well

The Apocalypse D0well Show: Episode 8

2008-05-24T22:30:00.002+09:00

Click here to direct download this episode. This is the one with that song about the party.

Shownotes for Episode 8...

There's a party at the Apocalypse D0well Show!

F.U. of the week from Carlos C. Carlos. Watch out iTunes Music Store Japan.

"Taking a Dump at Work" by Stuckey and Murray. Prairie doggin'!

"Mr. T" reviews Overheard in New York.

Shout outs to Jim at Paranormal Podcast, Jackie at Twinkie Beyond, and BrianZ.

Promo for The Word Nerds.

F.U. of the Week from Small Balls. Apocalypse D0well retorts.

Video stores in Japan

Feedback and a plug for www.flyinghighwakeboarding.com.

Thanks for listening!

The Apocalypse D0well Show: Episode 7

2008-05-24T22:25:00.002+09:00

Click here to direct download this episode. Here's episode 7, in which I first mention Jackie from Twinkie Beyond.

Shownotes for Episode 7...

The robots are coming!

First impressions of Japan and misconceptions I brought with me

Mr. T reviews his new robot

Contest winners announced

song "What all the Screaming's About" is by Robot Goes Here

Promo for Otaku Generation. These guys think they can play my promos more than I can play theirs. We shall see.

Check out BrianZ. You can see pics of Mick Aloha on his site here, here, and here

Interview with Paris Hilton robot

30 second rant about premium website content

Listener mail. Go check out Twinkie Beyond to hear about fast food

Thank you for listening!

The Apocalypse D0well Show: Episode 6

2008-05-24T22:17:00.002+09:00

Click here to direct download this episode.
Here's episode 6.

Shownotes for the 6th episode...

Lego Star Wars game on Playstation 2

Being a vegetarian in Japan

The Emperor reviews "The Island."

song for Mick Aloha.

Promo for Otaku Generation

e-mail rap (lyrics by Tim)

Commentary from my best friend Mick Aloha

F.U. of the week from "Small Balls" Hill

You might hear promos from Otaku Generation, Remixatorium, or Mink and Rook Show.

Thanks for listening!

The Apocalypse D0well Show: Episode 5

2008-05-24T22:15:00.002+09:00

Click here to direct download this episode. Thus begins the decline of the show.

Shownotes for the 5th episode...

Hey, my comments were on the Daily Source Code

We went to JJ's Club

Hostess spotting in Japan

Mr. T comic book reviews. Check out Mr. T's comic book

Podsafe Music. The song "Broke Ass Pimp (Jay Lamay)" is by Dislocated Boner. Click here to check out their website.

The Apocalypse D0well Show: Episode 4

2008-05-24T19:36:00.002+09:00

Click here to direct download this episode.

Here's episode 4, in which the show peaked.

The 4th podcast is up. Here's what you'll find...

Dinner at Matt's place

Thoughts on War of the Worlds, especially the ending

Movie theaters in Japan

An exclusive interview with my archenemy, Mick Aloha

The song "Famous Last Words" by The Main Drag

"Mr. T" reviews "Supersize Me" and goes after McDonald's

Mick Aloha rants about people who ask for directions

E-mail rap. Thanks to Sean Eddy for the beat.

Listener mail

The Apocalypse D0well Show: Episode 3

2008-05-24T00:30:00.003+09:00

Click here to download this episode. The highlight of this one is the Spam sing-a-long. Dear investor...

The 3rd podcast is up. You'll find...

Van Gogh

Starbucks

Convenience stores in Japan

"Mr. T" reviews the Aqua Teen Hunger Force

Spam Sing-a-long with Rob T.

Architecture: What's up with those statues on the top of 580 California Street in San Francisco?

Mick Aloha talks about Tom Cruise, Scientology, and religion in general. Click here to send him hate mail.

F.U. to hyphen using podcasters.

E-mail from Small Balls put to a funky beat.

Listener mail.

Thank you Adam from the MacCast.

Rob T.'s 30 second McDonald's rant.

Check out this ugly dog. Goo!

Arrivederci, Adele and Carlo.

The Apocalypse D0well Show: Episode 2

2008-05-23T11:32:00.002+09:00

Click here to direct download this episode.

This is the infamous "Dangers of soy to men" episode from the 1st of July 2005. Again, I haven't gone through and added the links; I've just copied the shownotes from archive.org.

Here's the second podcast. It covers Revenge of the Sith, hair in Japan, and what it would be like if Mr. T reviewed books. There's another e-mail rap and you'll hear me rant about Starbucks customers.

The song "Piece of Me" is by Amberglow. Give Neil from Amberglow an email if you'd like.

Amberglow plays the 3rd Sunday of every month at Z-Bar in Shinsaibashi in Osaka.

There's also a commentary from my archenemy about one of the greatest dangers to men today.

Thanks for listening!

The Apocalypse D0well Show: Episode 1

2008-05-22T23:16:00.003+09:00

Click here to direct download this episode.

I'm going to post all of the episodes of the old A.D. show here, so we don't have to mess around with BitTorrent anymore. When I've finished that, I'm going to do something else here. Thanks to Aloha for the bandwidth. I had to rock on over to the Wayback Machine at archive.org to pull down the original shownotes. I haven't added the links back in, though. Enjoy.

OK, here's the first podcast. It runs about 36 minutes and covers topics from Mr. T to ATMs in Japan. Here are links that I mention in the show.

Kobe Beef
Podcast 411
5 Minutes with Wichita

The song "Dread" by Mark Brown from his CD "In Vacuo" can be found on CDBaby
EMAIL Mark Brown

UPDATE: Next show will be out on Friday. You'll finally hear the voice of my archenemy.

Short Story: South by ApocD

2008-05-22T00:04:00.002+09:00

Redman stood and with a wave sent his children back to their chairs. The kitchen was cold; floorboards creaked under his heavy boots. He stepped over bits of broken plate, knelt, and gripped his wife's shoulder.

She kept her eyes down as she spoke. "I hear it."

She looked up; he saw that she was crying. He would not have his wife crying at suppertime. He would not have her scaring the children. He would not have her leave.

He took her by the arm and lifted her to her feet. "It's not real. Now, clean up the mess you've made." He turned to the children. "Help your mother. If I hear any talk about..." He let the sentence trail off into silence. His wife's arm was cold in his grip; he released it and retired to his study.

A book of ancient history rested on his desk. He sat and opened it. His mind wandered as he tried to read the text. He closed the book, connected to his terminal, and called Turner.

Turner's face appeared on the screen.

"I hope I didn't interrupt your supper."

Turner smiled and shook his head. "No, we haven't even sat down, yet. You all right?"

"She hears it."

"Your wife?"

"Yes."

Turner shook his head. "I'm sorry. When did it start?"

"Just now."

"What are you going to do?"

"I don't know. I was hoping you could give me an idea."

Turner took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. "Not sure what to tell you, Redman. It seems that once they hear it, there's no stopping it. The first one, the barber's wife, she heard it, what, for about a week before she left?"

"Yeah, about that."

"Some take longer and some shorter, but they all leave. They all go south."

"That's just the thing, Turner. If they all go south, then where are they going? Why can't we find them after they leave?"

"I don't know. Maybe we're just looking in the wrong places."

"Maybe. Look, I was hoping you could tell me what happened at that meeting with the
overseers and the barber's wife. There's been so many rumors, I don't know how to tell what's true, and I need as much information as I can get to figure out what to do."

"You know I'm not supposed to talk about the meetings. There are official reports."

"You and I both know those reports rarely tell what really happened in those meetings. We go back a long way, Turner. I don't want to lose my wife. Please."

Turner nodded. "All right, but not a word of this to anyone else."

"Of course."

"Well, the barber's wife claimed that she heard a constant whispering, like a thousand voices in her head speaking at once. At first, she could only hear it when she was in complete silence. She said that after a few weeks there were fewer voices, like they were competing for her attention and some of them had given up. She still couldn't understand what they were saying, but she could understand individual words on occasion. She said that later on she could only hear one voice, and that it was telling her to go south. Let's see, what else, oh, she said that the voice was female, but not someone she knew. It spoke clearly in our local dialect, and it repeated itself a lot. When the overseers pressed her for more information, she admitted that when she walked south, the voice subsided. When she came back north, it returned."

"Anything else?"

"No, not that I can remember. She disappeared the day after that meeting."

Redman nodded. There was a knock at the study door.

"I have to go. Thanks for your help, Turner."

"No problem. Let me know if there's anything I can do for you." The terminal went black.

Redman opened the door. His only son, who had turned seven the month before, stood in the hallway, looking up at him.

"I think mother's dying."

Redman put a hand on the child's shoulder. "She'll be fine. Where are your sisters?"

"With mother in the parlor."

Redman stepped into the parlor, his son behind him, and found the two girls and their mother sitting on the sofa. He sat in the plush chair, the one reserved just for him, and put his son up on his knees.

"You still hear them?"

His wife looked to him, and he could see in her eyes a hesitation, as if she were afraid to tell the truth. "Yes."

"Are there a lot of them?"

"Yes."

"Can you understand any of it?"

"No. I can only hear it when it's really quiet, and even then they're so soft I can't make anything out."

"So, you'll be leaving then?"

The girls looked at him with shocked expressions; his wife held a steady gaze.

"I don't want to, of course."

Redman doubted that of course. He knew he wasn't the worst husband; he was good with the kids and treated his wife with respect. He was out of the house a lot, though, and he did have a temper. He had wondered, for years now, if she had ever thought of leaving. There were rumors around town that only the people who wanted to leave heard the whispering.

"But, if you have to, you will."

"If there's no other choice, I will. If there's no way to stop myself."

"I can secure the house. We've got time. The others took days, didn't they? When the time gets close, we can send the children to my mother's place. Time out in the country will do them good, and time together alone will do us good."

As the days passed, his wife reported that the whispering was growing louder and that the voices were growing fewer. When it seemed, as compared with the others, that she had just a few days left, Redman sent the children away. They would miss school, but it was best for them to be away. They had too much town in them, anyway.

His wife's condition worsened to the point that he was making their meals and keeping the house. He took leave from work and stayed with her all hours of the day. The doors and windows were secured by locks with keys that only Redman had. He had stocked up on food, put in bars over the windows, and installed an extra grate in the chimney to keep her from climbing out. The place was secure, and short of killing Redman, she would never get the keys.

The day came that the urge to leave became too great for her.

"I have to go outside." She was sitting on the sofa in the parlor.

Redman walked from the kitchen, where he was cooking breakfast, into the parlor. "You know you can't go out."

"It's not what you think. I just need to get some air."

Redman thought about it. He could go out with her and stop her from running away, but he knew he couldn't risk it. He shook his head and returned to the kitchen.

She refused to eat breakfast. That was a problem he hadn't considered. What if she refused to eat until he let her out? It would be difficult to force feed her, but he would if there was no other choice. He doubted it would come to that, though: she would eat when she got hungry enough.

She refused lunch and dinner.

The next morning, he found her dinner from the night before on the table. She was in the same position on the sofa, mumbling to herself. When she saw him, she sat up.

"Please, you have to let me out."

"You know I can't."

"I'm dying. If you don't let me out, it'll be your fault if I die."

"What do you want for breakfast?"

She turned over on the sofa without answering.

The night was cold; drafts came through the cracks in the walls. Redman put extra logs on the fire and sat beside the fireplace in the parlor as his wife lay motionless on the sofa. The look in her eyes, the look of mad desperation, made him put out the fire before he went to bed. He knew they would nearly freeze without the fire, but he couldn't risk her burning the house down as he slept. He took the matches and hid them before he went to bed.

It was cold when he awoke. The other side of the bed was empty, as he had expected. He got dressed and went to look for his wife.

Her body was lying near the front door. There were bloody scratch marks on the floor, and when Redman approached he could see that she had beaten her head against the doorknob. He checked for a pulse; she was dead.

As Redman moved his wife's body and wrapped it in a sheet that he had found in the hallway closet, he thought that it was better that she had died at home, rather than disappearing somewhere south.

He placed her body on the parlor sofa and as he sat in his chair, in the perfect silence of the empty house, he heard a faint whispering.

Book Review: A People's History of the United States by Howard Zinn

2008-05-20T23:34:00.002+09:00

The idea is simple: write a history book from the point of view of the people, not the leaders. Although the idea is simple, this book had to have been hard as hell to write. Zinn starts with Columbus' landing in the New World, and from there it's over 600 pages of oppression. The book definitely leans to the left; Zinn readily admits this and justifies it as a counter to all of the history books written from the point of view of the privileged few. Books like this and The Best Democracy Money Can Buy make me realize how screwed up things are, but leave me without a clue as to what to do about it. I'd say I can use my vote, but Zinn shows this as a means the powerful use to keep the lower classes under control, not to give them any real power.

This is the second time I've read this book, and both times it has pulled me to the left. After the first time I read it, I leaned to the left for a few months and then bounced right back to no man's land. I'm not sure what will happen this time, but I know, at least I think I know, that I'm not in the center. Either the government needs to be in control and take care of people, or we don't need government. So, it's either socialism or Libertarianism for me. I'm so easily swayed, though, I don't know that either of them can last.

As I was reading the book, which took me about 3 weeks, I really started to think that all of U.S. history has just been the rich, although not necessarily always intentionally, using the underprivileged for their own gain. There's a pattern to our history that's a bit sickening: Treat the lower classes like dirt, drive the economy into the ground, start a war, rally the country around the troops, call those who oppose the war traitors, either get out of the war or win the war and assert more influence on the world, scare citizens, increase the military budget, treat the lower classes like dirt, drive the economy into the ground..." After all of the patriotic/nationalist hogwash that we're fed in school, this idea is really eye opening. It's strange, too, that the book speaks against the government, and yet the ideas supported are socialistic. What's an American in Japan to do?

Anyway, this book is highly recommended, just be warned that you'll learn a lot, and I really mean a lot, about labor movements. A lot.

Short Story: Burning Green by ApocD

2008-05-15T15:58:00.004+09:00

Warning: There's indirect nudity in this story. If the word "naked" offends you, then this story isn't for you.

Sheriff Grant mumbled to himself as he negotiated the broken sidewalk and stepped up onto the front porch. It was a bright spring day; the metal star on his chest glittered in the sunlight as he approached the front door. A handgun and a handheld CB hung from his hip. His cruiser, a white Ford Taurus with a dented front fender, sat in the gravel driveway. His face was locked in a stone expression as he rapped his knuckles on the screen door's wooden frame.

Shady knew why the sheriff had come. He opened the door, gave the sheriff a nod, invited him inside, and offered him a seat.

The sheriff was only a part-time sheriff; he pushed papers up in Fort Knox on weekdays. He was a fair man, but he didn't like to do any more sheriff work than he had to; he had to be thinking that this whole situation was a waste of time.

"Beer, sheriff?"

The sheriff shook his head. "I'm on duty, Shady. Anyway, I'm hoping I won't be long."

Shady sat in the rocking chair by the TV, the creaky chair that his grandmother had left to him, and faced the sheriff. "Well, what did she do this time?"

The sheriff ran his hands through his thin black hair and clicked his tongue. "You know she's naked?"

Shady nodded. "Yeah. She bothering people?"

"She's scaring them is what she's doing. She's sitting in the parking lot over at Jake's store and she keeps spouting some garbage about aliens coming and how she's just trying to save everyone, but to people around town it just sounds like she's lost her mind. You know what's gotten into her?"

"She told me the other night that the universe spoke to her."

The sheriff gave him a look as if he expected more explanation. "What's that even mean? The universe spoke to her?"

"It means what it means. She said she was in her car on the way back home and the radio started talking to her. Told her it was the universe and it was expanding at a rate that keeps on increasing and that some aliens are coming and the only way to live is to pretend we're animals so they won't single us out."

The sheriff whistled softly and readjusted himself on the sofa. "I've got no choice but to take her in. There are decency laws, you know. You thought about getting her some help?"

"Yeah, I talked to her about it, but she said she didn't need any help. She said she was the one that was going to do the helping. Then, she just took off. Left her clothes out on the lawn there."

"And you didn't think to call me?"

"It's embarrassing, Sheriff. Anyway, I thought she'd get over it and come on home soon enough."

The sheriff sighed. "I don't think she knows what people are like around here. She's like to catch a pitchfork in the back if she doesn't settle it down a bit and put her clothes back on."
Shady's wife was from two counties over, which made her a foreigner to the locals.

There was silence in the living room as the men avoided eye contact. Static on the sheriff's CB broke the silence. A voice followed; it asked for the sheriff.

"Excuse me, got the universe on the line here." The sheriff grinned. "Wants to talk to me."

Shady held a blank expression.

"Sheriff Grant here. Go ahead."

"Sheriff, they's two of them now."

"Two what?"

"Two naked women, Sheriff. They're standing in the parking lot making all kinds of strange sounds."

"Out in front of Jake's?"

"Yeah."

"Well, who's the other woman?"

"That's the thing, Sheriff. It's your wife."

"I'll be right there. Over and out."

The sheriff replaced the CB in its holster and stood. "Come on, before they run off into the woods together."

Shady sat in the passenger's seat of the sheriff's cruiser; he'd wanted to drive his own car, but the sheriff had insisted. He wondered if before it was all over, he would be sitting in the back, behind the steel mesh window.

Shady caught glimpses of the sheriff's handgun as they cruised the backroads on the way to Jake's store. He didn't know a .45 from a Saturday night special, but he knew the gun was big; an image of the sheriff taking Shady's wife's head off with one shot kept running through his mind.

When they pulled up to Jake's store, a group of eight men were standing under the green awning. Among them was Deputy Atwell, who was also a volunteer firefighter and president of the local Lyon's Club. Deputy Atwell nodded toward the sheriff and flashed a set of broken teeth. The two women were sitting in one of the parking spaces, making strange, angry sounds at the sheriff's cruiser as it pulled into the space beside them.

The sheriff's wife was a looker. Shady tried not to stare, but found his eyes locked on her for a moment just as the sheriff killed the engine.

"Take a picture, Shady."

The sheriff opened his door and stepped out as the women screamed at him in voices that sounded like a cross between a monkey and a hyena. Shady walked around the car and stood beside the sheriff. The women yelled even louder.

The sheriff spit on the asphalt. "Helen, what kind of garbage has this woman put in your mind?"

The sheriff's wife hooted and then flashed her teeth at the sheriff.

"My God, woman, you're naked as the day you were born and you've got these men out here staring at you. Now, I know you're worried about those aliens or whatever you want to call them, but there's no way to know what they want until they get here, and that's not going to be for a while. Now, get on into the cruiser here and let me take you home so we can talk about it."

The sheriff's wife turned away from him and started hooting again. Shady's wife followed her lead.

The sheriff turned to Shady. "Well, you going to give it a try?"

Shady shook his head. "No, it won't do any good. You going to take them in?"

The sheriff spit on the asphalt again. "No. We'll just leave them. They'll come around soon enough."

Shady made eye contact with his wife; she was growling at him. "All of this acting like an animal business, it's not going to do any good if aliens come. We have too many statues to ourselves and everything's designed for our bodies. They'll know."

Shady's wife stopped growling. "The universe told me what to do. That's all I'm doing. If the universe talked to you, you'd do the same."

The sheriff laughed. "If the universe spoke to me, I'd go seek some psychiatric help." That got a laugh from the men under the awning. The sheriff turned to the men. "Enjoy the show, boys. Before the world ends, might as well get you an eyeful."

Three weeks later, just after one o'clock on a Saturday afternoon, Shady and the sheriff stood under the awning of Jake's store; the sheriff held a green garden hose and Shady held a baseball bat. The wives were naked and their number had increased; they'd taken up most of the parking lot in front of Jake's store. They picked each others' hair and grunted and hooted. When the wind blew just right, the smell from the parking lot hit Shady and turned his stomach.

The problem was, and this was the reason Shady had even bothered coming to the store, there were naked men mixed in with them as well. Although he'd decided that his marriage was probably over, Shady still didn't like the idea of some hippy who acted like a monkey getting physical with the woman who was, according to the law, still his wife. That's why they had set up the watch, to make sure nothing funny happened, at least nothing funnier than a group of naked people hanging out in a parking lot pretending to be animals to trick aliens into sparing their lives.

The sheriff nudged Shady. "I bet they'd be wild in the sack now, if we could get them cleaned up."

"I just want a divorce."

The sheriff nodded. "You think there's really aliens coming?"

"Yeah, I do. What about you?"

"I don't know, Shady. Seems a bit convenient. Scientists get some message and they just happen to be able to decode it. A bit too easy for me. I think it's a move to shake us up, put more fear into us so the government can squeeze us even more and take away more of our rights."

"Sheriff, you work for the government, right? I mean, twice over, you work at Fort Knox and you're a sheriff."

"Yeah, but I'm not trying to put the squeeze on anyone."

One of the naked guys, a single man who had once taught math at the high school in the county seat, grabbed one of the women by the hips. The sheriff sprayed him with the hose. The man grunted and hooted and let go of the woman.

The sheriff killed the spray and lowered the hose. "We're going to end up with baby freaks if we're not careful. You know what, Shady, here's what I don't understand. If they're trying to be all primitive and animal-like, what are they doing in front of Jake's here? I mean, they've got money stashed around here, and except for a few berries one of them brought back from the woods over there, they've just been buying their food from Jake. Good for Jake, I guess, except I'd bet a lot of business is passing him up and heading on down to Fork's. If they're going to be animals, they need to go all the way. And, what happens when they run out of money?"

As Shady was thinking about his answer, a low rumble came from the sky. He dropped the baseball bat and followed the sheriff out into the parking lot, where they mixed in with the savages. A bright green light was slowly cutting its way across the blue sky, leaving a white trail behind it.

"Sheriff, any idea what that is?"

The sheriff spit on the asphalt without taking his eyes off the thing in the sky. "Can't say for sure, but it's burning green. Copper burns green. So does barium."

"Okay, but then what is it?"

"I hate to say it, Shady, but I think that's an alien craft."

The savages took quick glances up at the sky, but appeared to be trying to ignore the thing.

"Well, Sheriff, I find it hard to believe that we just happen to be in the place where the ship's coming down."

"Probably not the only one. They're probably coming down all over the earth."

"What are we going to do?"

There was no answer from the sheriff. When Shady lowered his eyes, the sheriff already had his shirt off and was working on his pants.

"Sheriff?"

The sheriff looked Shady in the eyes, smiled, and hooted with a noise that sounded like a cross between a monkey and a hyena. He took his wife's hand and they disappeared into the woods behind Jake's store.

Shady looked up at the sky, took one last coherent look at the object up there, and took off his shirt.

Japan is a safety country?

2008-05-13T00:01:00.005+09:00

Yesterday, the wife and I were at Kinokuniya, a bookstore in northern Osaka, and something strange happened. I was looking for a computer book, but couldn't find anything. As we were about to leave, the wife showed me a children's book she had found. It was about the differences between people and dogs. For example, people pet and dogs lick. People cry and dogs growl. It's was pretty good.

Anyway, as we were checking it out, two guys burst through a side door, which I think is just used for deliveries, and ran into the store. The first guy was running from the second guy, who was right behind him. I'm not sure, but I think either the first guy had stolen something from the second or they were both just gangsters. They ran down the same aisle the wife and I were standing in and just missed us. They knocked a little kid over and disappeared in the store. It was over so quickly there was no time to think, so there's no way I could describe either of the guys. Store staff came and checked on the little boy, who seemed to be fine but just a bit shaken. Beyond that, I don't know what happened to the guys. It was hard enough for us to walk through Kinokuniya, which was packed, so I'd guess they must have pushed a few more people out of the way.

A few minutes later, I was disappointed that I hadn't clocked the first guy in the grill and ended the whole thing. The wife said, "You'd be dead. They could have had knives." I told her I would have kicked the knives away, and she just shook her head. She's right. Also, I don't know who the bad guy was in this situation. They were both putting the people around them at risk. Japan is very safety, indeed.

Why does Leo LaPorte hate Mario Kart?

2008-05-11T10:23:00.003+09:00

I've been listening to Leo LaPorte's podcasts for about three years. I listen regularly to TWIT, MacBreak Weekly, the Tech Guy, and I've just started listening to Windows Weekly after picking up that XP laptop. Anyway, I like Leo, and although I sometimes dislike the guests/co-hosts on his shows, he keeps things centered and keeps me coming back.

On the most recent Windows Weekly, and on some other previous podcast of his--I can't remember--he made fun of Mario Kart and said it was for kids. This doesn't sound like the Leo I know. The Leo I know promotes technology. The Leo I know supports people who do things that the rest of the world thinks are for kids. Here's a quote from Windows Weekly:

"I'm Leo LaPorte. I'm so great and fantastic. Mario Kart is for kids. Anyone who plays Mario Kart is either a kid or a mental adult. The PS3 and Xbox 360 are the only real gaming systems. I'm so handsome and smart. You're all idiots who waste your lives playing Mario Kart. Don't forget to sign up for Audible, so you can add to my already overflowing coffers. How's my hair?"

Well well, Mr. Leo LaPorte, the Tech Guy, your hair's fine, but your opinions are ludicrous. On other (or maybe the same, I can't remember) episodes of his podcasts Leo has also said that 1) There are no games for the PS3 2) His Xbox 360 died. The Wii's sounding pretty good to me, Mr. Leo LaPorte, the Tech Guy. In the same episode, he said he'd just play Rockband. Hello Mr. Kettle, you're black. Rockband? That's a game for kids, Mr. Leo Laporte, the Tech Guy. For someone who's so involved with promoting technology, you sure are quick to dismiss it when you don't like it.

So, there you go, Mr. Leo LaPorte, the tech guy. Oh look, what's that coming after your podcasts? What's that flying in the direction of your podcast empire? That's right, Mr. Leo LaPorte, the Tech Guy, that's a blue shell, but you wouldn't know anything about that, now would you?

Back to Linux

2008-05-09T23:26:00.003+09:00

I first tried Linux 2 years ago, and after a struggle of several months to get it working on an old laptop, I gave up. The laptop was just too old, and Linux was just too complicated. I spent more of my time on the command line than using the computer for anything productive, so I retreated to my iMac.

Two weeks ago, I picked up a used laptop in Den-Den Town, Osaka's younger brother to Tokyo's Akihabara. The laptop's an HP/Compaq 9040 with a 1.4 GHz Celeron, 512MB of RAM, and a 40Gb harddrive. It came with Japanese Windows XP, which I'm leaving on the system just to have a Windows computer. I partitioned the drive and left half of it to XP, and I'm using the other half for Linux. It's taken me a couple of weeks, but I think I've settled on a distribution. Here's how it happened.

I started with a lot of Live CDs. I tried out most of the top ten distributions on distrowatch and a few others. My first install was the latest Ubuntu, 8.04. I started with Ubuntu because it seems to be the distribution of choice for Linux novices like me. I've had enough of the brown theme, but it was easy enough to change my desktop around. I noticed after I installed Ubuntu that the Internet connection was slow. I went to speedtest.net and found my downstream was around 300 Kbs. The same laptop, when running Windows through the same wireless connection, was getting 7 Mbs, so I knew something was wrong in Ubuntu. My wireless card is a Corega with a Ralink 2500 chipset. After some googling, I found that Ubuntu and this chipset don't play well together. So, I installed the Windows driver and it worked fine, until I restarted. I know I needed to disable the old driver, but after following the instructions to do so the connection was still screwed up. So, I dropped Ubuntu.

Up next was OpenSuse 10.3. It ran my wireless card with no needed configuration and also hibernated the laptop, something Ubuntu didn't do. I decided to try out a CD and this is when things went wrong. It got hung up on the CDDB lookup, and I couldn't even eject the CD. After I finally got it to play a CD, after a couple of reboots, it still couldn't rip one, so I dropped OpenSuse.

And now we come to Mandriva. It runs the wireless card with no problems, hibernates, and plays CDs. So far, I'm really impressed. I'm writing this post now in Mandriva.

Although I've encountered problems trying to set up Linux on this laptop, I have to say I'm really impressed with the progress Linux has made in the last two years. Through all of these installations and Live CDs, I've yet to do anything on the command line. It's tough making an operating system to work on so many hardware variations, so I feel lucky to have found a distribution that likes my hardware. Now, to get my hands on a book to teach me more about Linux. Any recommendations?

podcast recommendation

2008-05-02T22:52:00.004+09:00

Last week, the wife asked me if I'd listened to an episode of Selected Shorts, a public radio program in which they read short stories. She asked because she'd listened to a Philip K. Dick story called "Beyond Lies the Wub" and couldn't understand the ending. I hadn't listened to the story, which is the middle of three in an episode called "Brave New Worlds," but I promised I'd give it a listen. Note: I have to commend the wife for listening to stories in English. Her English is awesome, but even some of the best English speakers I've met here in Japan have trouble listening to native English. What a wife!

Anyway, all three of the stories were great. Here's a link to the show. Enjoy!

Video Game Review: Mario Kart Wii

2008-04-20T20:19:00.007+09:00

The Unbox:

I picked up Mario Kart Wii just over a week ago at Yodobashi Camera in Osaka. Here's the box it came in:

And, when I opened it, here's what I found inside:

There's no option to buy the game without the wheel, at least not yet. Also, I didn't see any separate wheels for sale, but I assume they either have them available or will soon.

Here's the front of the wheel with a Wiimote next to a DS Lite for scale.

Getting Started:

The graphics on this version of Kart are impressive and unlike Smash Brothers, which has given me latency issues, the graphics don't slow down the action. The gameplay is similar to previous versions of Kart with some exceptions. There are bikes now, as well as karts. The 50cc circuit is only for karts, the 100 is only for bikes, and both are available for the 150. The return to single player karts simplifies the gameplay. There are, as far as I know, eight cups, giving us 32 courses.

Controls:

I've been worried about the controls for this game since I first saw a Wiimote. Nintendo has done it right, giving players the option of using the Wiimote (with or without the supplied wheel), a classic controller, or a GameCube controller. I started with the wheel, which was much easier to use than I had expected, but still left me running into walls with some of the more cumbersome karts. The 2 button on the Wiimote acts at the accelerator, the D-pad is used to launch items, and the B button, which connects to a trigger on the back of the wheel, controls jumps and slide. On some jumps, you can shake the wheel and do a spin in the air, which gives you a mini-turbo when you land. I haven't figured out how to do this with the GameCube controller.

The GameCube controller works much like the controls for the DS version. Although I'd like to use the wheel more, the GameCube controller still offers the best control, especially for power slides. Speaking of which:

Snaking:

It's still possible to get mini-turbos on power slides like some previous versions, but it's more difficult, if not impossible, to get them consistently on straightaways. So, snaking, if not impossible, is very difficult. I've run at least 20 online races and I haven't seen anyone snake. I don't think it's going to be a problem.

Mii:

Data, for both online and offline play, is associated with one of your Miis. So, unlocked characters and courses, as well as other data, are saved just for that Mii. Each Mii you take online gets its own Friend Code.

Online:

Yeah, we all know Nintendo sucks at online play, but I think they've got it right with this game. When you first go online, it asks you if you're sure you want to connect because other people will be able to see your Mii. Up to twelve players can compete in the same race, which means it's much easier to get a game than it was with the DS. When you're connected to a race, it shows a globe and your Mii standing on your country, waving. The globe spins and stops on each player's country, allowing the Miis to wave. It sounds stupid, but it's cool to see everyone's Miis and it's cool to see where everyone is from. If a race is already in progress and you need to wait to join the next one, it shows you the race in progress. I think that's really cool. Since the game's only out in Japan and the EU, all of the players have either been here or in Europe. I can't wait till the bloody Yanks get in on the mix; then it should be even easier to get a race. The only problem I have with the online play is that twelve players can just be too many. With twelve players, it can be a challenge just to get an item. Also, and this may just be because I'm playing it in Japanese and don't know how to do this, but it seems that if you continue after an online race, you can't change your character or kart. That would be silly if it's the case, but I haven't seen a way to change characters, yet. Overall, the online play is solid and really, really fun.

Overall:

This game is highly recommended. It looks great and plays smoothly. Once the U.S. gets it I'll be able to play people I know online, which will make it even more fun.

Update:

I've settled on the nunchuk and wiimote as my preferred controls. To do tricks on jumps to get mini-turbos, you just have to shake the wiimote, which beats shaking the wheel and hitting the D-pad on the GameCube controller.

Not so lazy Sunday

2008-04-06T23:44:00.004+09:00

The wife and I had an awesome day today. Here's what we did.

1. Slept late.

2. Went to Starbucks.

3. Went to Yodobashi Camera. K found a camera bag that she wants, and I checked out the Asus eee PCs. I was surprised the eee is being sold here in Japan. I was also surprised that it comes with XP instead of Linux, as most of what I've heard about the eee has been on Linux-related podcasts. Anyway, I'm thinking about picking one up next month. (It was about $450.)

4. Went to Keiko's friend's photo exhibition in Shinsaibashi. The exhibition was about cats and there was an actual cat in the gallery. After we checked out the exhibition, we just walked around inside the building, which was old and cool. It reminded me of the building Matt had his exhibition in a couple of years ago. Most of the businesses there were clothes boutiques, but they should have been private detective agencies from the 40's.

5. Came back to Takatsuki and rented two bicycles at a total cost of 200 yen (about $2).

6. Rode to the river and checked out the cherry blossoms. There were plenty of drunk people to make fun of at the river.

7. Rode to an Indian restaurant that wasn't going to open for 15 minutes, so we went to Tsutaya and checked out the books and magazines.

8. I bought one of those big comics that I always see at the convenience stores. It was 500 yen for a 1,000 page comic. The print is big, which means it will be good practice for reading Japanese. I have some other comics, but the print is so small if I can't understand the kanji, the tiny hiragana beside it gives me a headache. Anyway, it's a Monster Hunter comic. It was the wife's recommendation. I read about four pages of it armed with both an electronic dictionary and an analog one.

9. Went to the Indian restaurant and ate some awesome food.

10. Came home and watched Chibi Maruko-chan and Sazae-san, which were both really funny today.

11. Watched Flight Plan on TV. Hey, it was a good day; I didn't say it was perfect.

only in dreams

2008-04-01T22:13:00.003+09:00

This morning, I woke up and turned my alarm off. I work in the afternoon, which leaves me little chance of oversleeping, so I closed my eyes and fell back asleep. In the few minutes that I slept, I had a dream.

In the dream, I was sitting in a room. I can't remember the details, but it was open, and I remember there were several people in the room. They seemed to be mingling, so maybe it was a party, although I have the feeling it was something more like a wedding reception. Anyway, the door opened and an old friend walked in the door. This old friend died (in real life) just over 10 years ago in a car accident. I stared at him and I remember that his face was strange, kind of deformed, but I could tell that it was him. Then, we spoke.

Me: (friend's name), is that you?
Friend: Yes.
Me: But, you died.
Friend: Yeah, I did.
Me: So, this has to be a dream.
Friend: Yeah, it is.

I then told him that I was sorry he had died and I woke up.

I usually don't care for talking about dreams. Hearing about other people's dreams usually bores the hell out of me, but this one was special. Once or twice before I've become aware during dreams that I was dreaming, but this was the first time the dream has continued on for any real time after that. I'm curious to see if anything similar happens tonight...

Here comes TWiT 137

2008-03-24T23:15:00.002+09:00

I just downloaded This Week in Tech #137 and I'm happy to see that the panel includes Leo Laporte, John C. Dvorak, Jason Calacanis, and Wil Harris. These are my four favorite panelists, so I'm pretty happy right now. I've had enough of Patrick Norton and his late arrivals, and if I wanted to hear the Buzz Out Loud crew I'd listen to...matte...matte...Buzz Out Loud. Now, if I could just get Leo to use only these panelists, with Jerry Pournelle on occasion, too, it would be perfect.

Book Review: A Briefer History of Time

2008-03-23T18:48:00.003+09:00

Get it? Briefer? Hilarious, Dr. Hawking. To talk about this book, I need to first talk about the original, A Brief History of Time, which I first read around 1995. That was when I first started getting into books, first started reading books that I wanted to instead of just those that were assigned. I remember being blown away by the ideas in the book; I reread it several times, trying to get a better understanding of the concepts.

Fast-forward 13 years. A Briefer History of Time, which I believe was released about three years ago, goes over some of the same ideas from the first book and expands upon newer ideas, especially black holes. It's updated with snazzy pictures of Dr. Hawking in various situations to illustrate points, but the extra gloss can't cover up the book's real lack of selling points for someone who's read the original. Yes, it's good, but I've read the original, and I've read other books on the same topics, so there wasn't much that was new for me. So, my advice is if you've never read the original, pick up this version. If you have read the original, check out Simon Singh's Big Bang and Brian Greene's The Elegant Universe; Singh's book is more thorough on the history of our current scientific ideas, and Greene's book will catch you up on string theory.

Book Review: The Golden Ratio by Mario Livio

2008-03-19T23:43:00.002+09:00

I love books about math. One of the best books I've read since I came to Japan was Fermat's Last Thereom by Simon Singh. That books follows the history of a solution for one math problem, which remained unsolved for hundreds of years. This book, The Golden Ratio, is about a single number, phi, which is irrational, just like pi. I won't go into the details here, because I can't really remember them, but there is a relationship between the Golden Ratio (1.6180339887...) and the Fibonacci numbers. This relationship is explored, as is the ubiquity of the Fibonaccis in nature. Also explored is the idea that the golden ratio has aesthetic qualities that have resulted in its use over the centuries in art and architecture. The author remains mostly skeptical of these ideas, something I like, and lays out the history so that we aren't quick to jump to the conclusion that the pyramids, etc, were built with the ratio in mind, when measurements to make such an assessment are quite arbitrary. Overall, it was an awesome read and has helped continue my string of great books in 2008.

the hay fever

2008-03-13T00:08:00.002+09:00

Hay fever sucks. It's been at me for about a week and a half and shows no signs of letting up. I might have to get one of those doomsday masks I see everyone rolling around in if my condition doesn't improve soon. To complicate things, I have to do my taxes by next Monday. My life! Someone beer me some help...

Chiaki Kuriyama on SMAPxSMAP

2008-03-03T22:54:00.001+09:00

Chiaki Kuriyama and the guy who plays Kita Yoshio were just on SMAPxSMAP. The members of SMAP cooked up some food for them. I know there are a few Chiaki fans out there (that's you, Simon), and I'm sure someone will put it up on YouTube (not me), so I thought I'd give you the heads up.

Learning from Japanese TV? Ehhhh?

2008-03-02T23:34:00.003+09:00

The amount of food eating and overreaction on Japanese TV sometimes drives me crazy, and I often think the variety shows are making the whole country dumber, but I have to give them some credit. Yes, there are plenty of shows that have semi-celebrities sitting around eating food, but there are also several quiz shows. Tonight, the wife and I watched one of these shows. One of the problems was science-related. They filled a large beaker with water, inverted a smaller second beaker, and put that second beaker into the large one. They then asked the contestants/guests to guess what would happen when they turned up the heat and it started boiling. (answer: The second beaker rises and falls, like the goo in lava lamps.) The next question was a geometry question. Even after the explanation, I still couldn't understand it. The wife and I spent several minutes discussing the properties of scalene triangles, which is no easy feat in a foreign language. (You'll have to ask the wife, though, as I only spoke English. Woops!) Now, I understand.

Anyway, that show has made me realize that I need to go back and study geometry. I forgot to mention that Kitano Takeshi came on and gave the answer for the geometry question. That guy's always laying some knowledge on fools.

Book Review: Born Standing Up by Steve Martin

2008-03-01T23:25:00.004+09:00

This book, the first of Martin's books that I've read, covers his time as a stand-up comedian. The writing is clear and the story engaging.

My favorite part was when he covered his time as a writer for The Smothers Brothers' TV show. I had no idea that the Smothers Brothers were so controversial. (I also had no idea that their anti-war stance is believed by some to have caused the Nixon administration to pressure the network to cancel the show.)

When Martin described his comedy routines, I was surprised by how many I knew. I must have seen them on SNL.

This book is recommended, although it's guaranteed to be a fast read. (I finished it in three days, which is really fast for a slow reader like me.) So, make sure you have your next book ready.

Now, when I die, don't think I'm a nut...

My current podcast list

2008-02-29T22:54:00.004+09:00

Per the request in a comment for the last post, here's my current podcast list. Yeah, I'm subscribed to my own shows, but I promise I don't listen to them.

Podcast Review: Escape Pod's Friction by Will McIntosh

2008-02-24T23:13:00.003+09:00

I listen to Escape Pod, a weekly science fiction podcast, on my runs in the park near my apartment. I find that listening to Escape Pod while running allows me to concentrate on the story; it's much easier to focus in a park than on a crowded train. The problem is the length of my run is often dictated by the length of the episode. Shorter episodes, please, Steve! (ok, not really)

The story posted on February 8th was Friction by Will McIntosh. This story absolutely blew me away. I won't give away the details here, but the story follows a main character who is in a race against time and friction to complete a task. It's set on another world with non-human characters. The writing is clear, with just enough description; Mr. McIntosh seems to understand that readers have imaginations, too.

The writing in this story, to be totally movie cliche, makes me want to write better. It's also inspired me to try more stories set on other worlds. It's definitely worth a listen.

link

Rejections #2 and #3

2008-02-18T23:58:00.003+09:00

I received an e-mail rejection from Strange Horizons and a form letter from Analog. I've made seven submissions so far this year, so I'm ahead of schedule.

Book Review: On the Edge by Brian Bagnall

2008-02-10T13:05:00.000+09:00

On the Edge: The Spectacular Rise and Fall of Commodore follows Commodore from its humble beginnings as a typewriter manufacturing company to being one of the biggest players in the proliferation of the personal computer.

The Good: The story's engaging and the people involved really come to life through the quotes and descriptions. An underlying theme throughout the book is that on several occasions, if things had been handled a little differently, we'd all be using Commodores now instead of PC clones and Apples. These missteps are usually, if not always, by management, who seem to have no understanding of computers or the computer market.

I had a Commodore 64 when I was a kid. It was great reading about the time constraints the engineering team was under to deliver the C64; it was so rushed there were a lot of quality control problems with the machines. My C64 was fine, but I remember a C64 at school that had a Y key on the keyboard where the T should have been. It was also cool to read about the Peek and Poke commands to make graphics, something I hadn't thought of in about 20 years.

I also like that his book counters a lot of Apple revisionist history. Now, if I could just find an Amiga to replace my current Mac.

The Bad: My only complaint is about the lack of proofreading. The book has many spelling, punctuation, and grammar mistakes. This really took away from the reading experience. If these errors are corrected, it'll take the book from very good to excellent.

Overall: It's an engaging read and highly recommended, despite the lack of proofreading, for anyone involved with computers in the 70's/80's.

Fragile Things by Neil Gaiman

2008-02-03T14:38:00.000+09:00

Over on boingboing I saw a post about Neil Gaiman's short story collection, Fragile Things. There's a free audio version of the first story in the collection, A Study in Emerald, which is a Sherlock Holmes story mixed with Lovecraft. It's a great story, and well worth the listen, but the rest of Fragile Things fell flat for me. I really wanted to like the collection, but with the exception of a couple of stories, none of it interested me. I'm still willing to give one of his novels a try, though.

Book Review: The Path Between the Seas by David McCullough

2008-01-26T00:36:00.000+09:00

I just finished this book earlier this week. Like all of McCullough's books that I've read so far, it's excellent. He's one of my favorite writers, if not my favorite.

The history of the building of the Panama Canal could have easily been made into a really boring book, but his writing style is so engaging, it makes the story come alive. He goes into some technical details, but this book, like his book about the Brooklyn Bridge, is about people, not numbers. My only disappointment is that I now have one less McCullough book to read. Later this year I plan to read Brave Companions, and then after that The Johnstown Flood, and then I'll just have to wait for him to write something new.

My first rejection of the year

2008-01-20T15:36:00.000+09:00

Today, I received a rejection from Gordon Van Gelder, the editor and publisher of The Magazine of Fantasy and Science Fiction. I'm honored to have received my first alasogram. All of my previous rejections from F&SF came from JJA, so I was quite surprised to see GVG's signature. I'm looking forward to many more rejections this year!

Japanese dramas

2008-01-18T23:09:00.001+09:00

A new season of dramas has just kicked off here in Japan. In the last couple of years, I've watched a few dramas and I think they're quite good. They're definitely better than variety shows about food.

The first drama I watched was Engine with Kimura Takuya and Koyuki. I just saw a couple of episodes of that one. I didn't watch a full series until Boku no Aruku Michi, which starred Tsuyoshi from SMAP. After that I watched Haken no Hinkaku, which by a small miracle starred no members of SMAP. It did, however, have Ryoko Shinohara, Ai Kato, and Prime Minister Koizumi's son. It also had that curly-haired guy--I can never remember his name. Haken no Hinkaku is still my favorite Japanese drama. After that I watched Oni yome nikki, with Gori from Okinawa. I also watched Bambino with Jun Matsumoto from Arashi. Last season I didn't watch anything, just because the shows I wanted to see conflicted with my schedule.

I like Japanese dramas because they have a definite story arc. I love American TV, but I wish more shows would limit their runs so that the stories could be more solid. It's the same with British shows, like The Office, that run for twelve episodes and then end. I like that. (side note: I love the American version of The Office, which is now in its fourth season, so I'm open if the writing's good.)

This season, I've started watching two shows. The first is Ashita no Kita Yoshio, which is about a guy who plans to kill himself in 11 days. Each episode covers one of the days, so there will be 11 episodes. The main star is Fumiyo Kohinata. He's more of a character actor than a lead, but he's a good actor so I'm happy to see him get a role like this. He was in the show I mentioned earlier with Tsuyoshi. The second show I've been watching this season is Bara Nai no Hanaya, which stars Shingo Kattori, who is, of course, a member of SMAP. This show seems more like a soap opera than a drama--the first episode introduces a woman who is pretending to be blind to get close to Shingo--but I'll give it a chance. I'll keep you posted on these shows and any others that might come along.

3rd submission of the month

2008-01-17T15:30:00.000+09:00

I just mailed off another sci-fi story today. That's three stories so far this month, which means I need to send out 33 more by the end of the year. I sent this one to Analog. I also mailed off a request for an absentee ballot that smelled so strongly of cologne when it arrived I had to keep it wrapped in plastic. It smelled so bad it made me sneeze.

The Panama Canal

2008-01-13T15:59:00.000+09:00

I'm about halfway through David McCullough's The Path Between the Seas, a book about the creation of the Panama Canal. Before I started reading, I knew almost nothing about the Panama Canal, other than that it's a canal and it's in...wait for it...Panama. I had no idea that the French started the canal, nor did I know that at the time Panama was part of Colombia. I really like reading about the late 1800's/early 1900's. McCullough's book about young Theodore Roosevelt and his book about the creation of the Brooklyn Bridge were both excellent, and it's interesting to catch up with Roosevelt as an adult as he gets involved with the canal. Some of the people I read about in the Brooklyn Bridge book turn up in the canal book, which is interesting, too.

submitting again

2008-01-09T21:47:00.000+09:00

In 2004, I started submitting short stories to magazines. I continued into 2005, but when I started podcasting, I stopped sending in stories. This past November, I did my own version of NaNoWriMo and decided to write at least 2,000 words a day. Unemployment during most of the month helped me reach my goal, and I ended up with over 20 short stories. They're mostly, if not all, science fiction, and I've just started editing and submitting them. I sent the first one to the Magazine of Fantasy and Science Fiction last week, and today I sent one to the Writer's of the Future contest. It's good to have stories out there again. My goal is to make 36 submissions this year, but I think I'll go well beyond that.

Books to read in 2008

2008-01-05T21:30:00.024+09:00

I sat down on December 31st and planned out what books I'm going to read this year. I want to make 2008 the year of re-reading books, especially non-fiction. I got some cools books for Christmas, though, and I'm working on some books right now, so it will be a couple of months before I get to the books that I've already read. Here's my list.

Books I'm reading now:

Path Between the Seas - David McCullough (finished 1/22/'08)
Fragile Things - Neil Gaiman (finished 1/24/'08)
How Computers Work - Ron White (finished 6/26/'08)
Roitt's Essential Immunology (finished 12/25/'08)

Books I plan to read for the first time:

Empire Falls - Richard Russo (finished 3/18/'08)
On the Edge - Brian Bagnall (finished 2/8/'08)
A Briefer History of Time - Stephen Hawking (finished 2/23/'08)
Brave Companions - David McCullough (finished 3/5/'08)
Prime Obsession - John Derbyshire (finished 3/31/'08)
Born Standing Up - Steve Martin (finished 2/12/'08)
The Golden Ratio - Mario Livio (finished 2/21/'08)
The Power of Myth - Joseph Campbell (finished 4/10/'08)
Words from History - Isaac Asimov (finished 7/10/'08)

Books I plan to read for the second time:

Big Chief Elizabeth - Giles Milton (finished 4/24/'08)
Big Bang - Simon Singh (finished 12/18/'08)
The Salmon of Doubt - Douglas Adams (finished 5/23/'08)
The Ancestor's Tale - Richard Dawkins (finished 11/25/'08)
John Adams - David McCullough (finished 8/20/'08)
The Story of English - McCrum, MacNeil, and Cran (finished 7/10/'08)
The Making of the Bible in English - Bobrick (finished 12/5/'08)
The Code Book - Simon Singh (finished 6/3/'08)
A People's History of the United States - Howard Zinn (finished 5/18/'08)
The Riddle and the Knight - Giles Milton (finished 6/16/'08)
On Writing - Stephen King (finished 6/9/'08)
Nathaniel's Nutmeg - Giles Milton (finished 10/30/2008)
The Long Walk - Stephen King (finished 4/15/'08)
The Hobbit - J.R.R. Tolkien (finished 8/28/'08)
Lord of the Rings trilogy - J.R.R. Tolkien (finished 10/7/'08)
The Education of Little Tree - Forrest Carter (finished 7/15/'08)

Books I read that aren't on the list:

Lisey's Story- Stephen King (finished 7/1/'08)
Climbing Mount Improbable- Richard Dawkins (finished 10/28/2008)

I'm a slow reader, so it's going to be tough to finish all of those books by the end of the year. It'll be fun trying, though.