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		<title>11 Steps to a More Positive You</title>
		<link>http://advancedlifeskills.com/blog/11-steps-to-a-more-positive-you/</link>
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		<pubDate>Tue, 07 Jul 2009 04:37:35 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Jonathan</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Attitude]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Gratitude]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Happiness]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Joy]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[optimism]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[positive attitude]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://advancedlifeskills.com/blog/?p=2014</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[
Our attitude has a profound effect on the quality of our life. Optimism and pessimism create two completely different realities. By taking a few simple steps to adopt a more positive attitude, you can enjoy both immediate and long term benefits.
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&#8220;Our attitude toward life determines life&#8217;s attitude towards us.&#8221; -Earl Nightingale
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Increased happiness is one of [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p></p><div style="MARGIN-BOTTOM: 0in"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><a rel="attachment wp-att-2015" href="http://advancedlifeskills.com/blog/11-steps-to-a-more-positive-you/happy-attitude/"><img class="alignright frame size-full wp-image-2015" title="happy attitude" src="http://advancedlifeskills.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2009/07/happy-attitude.jpg" alt="happy attitude" width="250" height="323" /></a></p>
<p align="left"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;">Our attitude has a profound effect on the quality of our life. Optimism and pessimism create two completely different realities. By taking a few simple steps to adopt a more positive attitude, you can enjoy both immediate and long term benefits.<br />
</span></span><span style="color: #ffffff;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;">.</span></span></span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br />
</span></span><span style="color: #4c4c4c;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><em>&#8220;Our attitude toward life determines life&#8217;s attitude towards us.&#8221; </em></span></span></span><span style="color: #4c4c4c;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><em>-Earl Nightingale</em></span></span></span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br />
</span></span><span style="color: #ffffff;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;">.</span></span></span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br />
Increased happiness is one of the immediate positive effect of a more optimistic attitude. The fact is, optimistic people tend to experience much greater personal joy on a day-to-day basis than their pessimistic counterparts.<br />
</span></span><span style="color: #ffffff;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;">.</span></span></span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br />
The prospect of a longer healthier life is also a scientifically proven benefit of living with a positive attitude. In contrast, a negative, pessimistic mindset has been shown to contribute to scores of health challenges including immune disorders, cancer, and heart problems. All other factors being equal, a happier life means a healthier life.<br />
</span></span><span style="color: #ffffff;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;">.</span></span></span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br />
</span></span><strong><span style="color: #800000;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;">10 Practical steps to a more optimistic attitude</span></span></span></strong><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br />
</span></span><span style="color: #ffffff;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;">.</span></span></span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br />
Learning to maintain a positive attitude during stressful times can be challenging. It may take some time before your natural response to almost any situation is optimistic. However, when you consider both the short term and long range benefits, your efforts are bound to pay big dividends. Let&#8217;s consider 10 simple steps you can start using immediately to move you in a positive direction.<br />
</span></span><span style="color: #ffffff;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;">.</span></span></span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br />
</span></span><strong><span style="color: #800000;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;">1) Think Gratitude.</span></span></span></strong><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"> A grateful mindset exerts a powerful influence on your outlook. Not only does it make you feel good in the moment, it also shifts your focus in a positive direction. Turn your attention toward your blessings and keep it there. As you focus more on what you are grateful for in your life (even the really small blessings!), you will worry less about anything that may be lacking. As a result, you will experience a more pervasive sense of happiness!<br />
</span></span><span style="color: #ffffff;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;">.</span></span></span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br />
</span></span><span style="color: #4c4c4c;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><em>&#8220;Gratitude is not only the greatest of virtues, but the parent of all the others.&#8221; -Cicero</em></span></span></span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br />
</span></span><span style="color: #ffffff;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;">.</span></span></span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br />
</span></span><strong><span style="color: #800000;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;">2) Choose Happiness.</span></span></span></strong><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"> Being happy is not about circumstances or any other outside force. Happiness is a decision we make. Why not make up your mind to embrace happiness, starting now? Go ahead and make a decision. Let your personal identity get all wrapped up in the concept of happiness. Fold it around yourself like a big comfortable blanket.<br />
</span></span><span style="color: #ffffff;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;">.</span></span></span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br />
</span></span><span style="color: #4c4c4c;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><em>&#8220;The greatest part of our happiness depends on our dispositions, not our circumstances.&#8221; -Martha Washington</em> <span id="more-2014"></span></span></span></span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br />
</span></span><span style="color: #ffffff;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;">.</span></span></span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br />
</span></span><strong><span style="color: #800000;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;">3) Substitute Challenges for Problems.</span></span></span></strong><span style="color: #800000;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span></span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;">Subconsciously, the word problem says, “Life is not as it should be.” This causes our energy to be funneled toward repairing something that’s gone wrong. On the other hand, the word challenge sends no such message. Instead of trying to repair a malfunction, our resources are recruited to search for a new opportunity. Seeing an experience as a challenge will focus our attention on a positive outcome.<br />
</span></span><span style="color: #ffffff;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;">.</span></span></span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br />
</span></span><span style="color: #4c4c4c;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><em>&#8220;The pessimist sees difficulty in every opportunity. The optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.&#8221; </em></span></span></span><span style="color: #4c4c4c;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><em>-Winston Churchill</em></span></span></span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br />
</span></span><span style="color: #ffffff;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;">.</span></span></span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br />
</span></span><strong><span style="color: #800000;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;">4) View Life as a Journey.</span></span></span></strong><span style="color: #800000;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span></span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;">A journey is an adventure of discovery. When we are on a journey we don&#8217;t fear change, we welcome it. We look forward to new and unfamiliar experiences. On a journey we are full of optimism because we are filled with the expectation of a wonderful adventure. This is the perfect attitude to carry with you every day.<br />
</span></span><span style="color: #ffffff;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;">.</span></span></span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br />
</span></span><strong><span style="color: #800000;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;">5) Stop and Smell the Roses.</span></span></span></strong><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"> When you constantly feel rushed and scattered, it can be difficult to maintain an optimistic outlook. Buying out regular opportunities to focus on simple pleasures can help restore a sense of balance to your life. By pausing briefly to really taste your food or enjoy a beautiful piece of music, you remind yourself of the joy of simplicity.<br />
</span></span><span style="color: #ffffff;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;">.</span></span></span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br />
</span></span><span style="color: #4c4c4c;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><em><span style="font-weight: normal;">&#8220;It is always wise to stop wishing for things long enough to enjoy the fragrance of those now flowering.&#8221; -Patrice Gifford</span></em></span></span></span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br />
</span></span><span style="color: #ffffff;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;">.</span></span></span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br />
</span></span><strong><span style="color: #800000;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;">6) Begin Your Day On a Positive Note.</span></span></span></strong><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"> Find a few minutes each morning to clear your mind and then think positive thoughts about the upcoming day. Focus on the people and events that bring you joy or a sense of satisfaction. What&#8217;s your favorite part of the day going to be? Take some time to look forward to everything that you will enjoy. Now carry that feeling with you all day long, even during the less enjoyable activities. Let your optimism flow into your entire day.<br />
</span></span><span style="color: #ffffff;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;">.</span></span></span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br />
</span></span><strong><span style="color: #800000;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;">7) Be Positively Aware.</span></span></span></strong><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"> Make it a habit to actively search for the positive side of everything. Turn it into a private game. With practice, you will be surprised how easy it becomes to see the not so obvious benefits and pleasures all around you. Being alert to the reasons for optimism also helps move our attention away from the negative side of life.<br />
</span></span><span style="color: #ffffff;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;">.</span></span></span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br />
</span></span><span style="color: #4c4c4c;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><em>&#8220;When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.&#8221; -Max Planck</em></span></span></span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br />
</span></span><span style="color: #ffffff;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;">.</span></span></span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br />
</span></span><strong><span style="color: #800000;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;">8) Act Out Happy.</span></span></span></strong><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"> You can use words and body language to program your nervous system. When you make a conscious effort to walk the walk and talk the talk, your feelings will soon follow. Our personal perspective takes a lot of clues from how we act. If you act like an optimistic person, your mind accepts that as your reality. Try it and see for yourself.<br />
</span></span><span style="color: #ffffff;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;">.</span></span></span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br />
</span></span><strong><span style="color: #800000;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;">9) Hang Out With Positive People.</span></span></span></strong><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"> Use the power of peer influence to feed your sense of optimism. The attitude of the people around us can be a powerful force for good or bad. Seek out the company of those with a sunny disposition and let yourself be influenced by their optimism. Use the group dynamic to your benefit.<br />
</span></span><span style="color: #ffffff;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;">.</span></span></span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br />
</span></span><strong><span style="color: #800000;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;">10) Do A Gratitude Review Nightly</span></span></span></strong><span style="color: #800000;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;">.</span></span></span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"> This is a great way to end your day. Before you go to bed think of at least ten things that you are truly grateful for. Let yourself feel the joy that those things bring to your life. Fall asleep reflecting on your blessings.<br />
</span></span><span style="color: #ffffff;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;">.</span></span></span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br />
</span></span><strong><span style="color: #4c4c4c;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><em><span style="font-weight: normal;">&#8220;Reflect each day on all you have to be grateful for and you will receive more to be grateful for.&#8221; -Chuck Danes</span></em></span></span></span></strong><span style="color: #4c4c4c;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><em><span style="font-weight: normal;"><br />
</span></em></span></span></span><span style="color: #ffffff;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><em><span style="font-weight: normal;">.</span></em></span></span></span><span style="color: #4c4c4c;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><em><span style="font-weight: normal;"><br />
</span></em></span></span></span><strong><span style="color: #800000;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;">11) Minimize Exposure to Negative Influences.</span></span></span></strong><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"> Stop watching, reading, or listening to the news. If you can free yourself from this negative influence it will change your life. Without that pervasive daily dose of despair, you will find it so much easier to focus on positive things in life.<br />
</span></span><span style="color: #ffffff;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;">.</span></span></span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br />
</span></span><strong><span style="color: #800000;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;">30 Days to a more positive you!<br />
</span></span></span></strong><strong><span style="color: #ffffff;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="font-weight: normal;">.</span></span></span></span></strong><strong><span style="color: #800000;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br />
</span></span></span></strong><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;">Print out this list and read it daily, it will help you stay on track. If you catch yourself sliding into a pessimistic head space, stop and review your list. All you need to do is stay the course for 30 days and these thing will become part of your nature.<br />
</span></span><span style="color: #ffffff;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;">.</span></span></span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br />
</span></span><em><span style="color: #800000;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;">How important do you feel attitude is?<br />
What ways have you found to stay positive?<br />
The lines are open!<br />
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		<title>Learning to Celebrate Life!</title>
		<link>http://advancedlifeskills.com/blog/learning-to-celebrate-life/</link>
		<comments>http://advancedlifeskills.com/blog/learning-to-celebrate-life/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Fri, 03 Jul 2009 20:21:00 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Jonathan</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Motivation]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[accomplishment]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[approval]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[celebrate life]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Celebration]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[holidays]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://advancedlifeskills.com/blog/?p=2006</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[In every culture, nation, and religion there are special times set aside for celebrating. We generally refer to these special times as holidays. Have you ever wondered why people get so excited about holidays? Think for a moment about the role they play on an emotional level.
A break from the norm.
Emotionally, holidays feel like a [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p></p><p><a rel="attachment wp-att-2007" href="http://advancedlifeskills.com/blog/learning-to-celebrate-life/celebrate-life/"><img class="alignright frame size-full wp-image-2007" title="Celebrate Life" src="http://advancedlifeskills.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2009/07/Celebrate-Life.jpg" alt="Celebrate Life" width="250" height="319" /></a><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;">In every culture, nation, and religion there are special times set aside for celebrating. We generally refer to these special times as holidays. Have you ever wondered why people get so excited about holidays? Think for a moment about the role they play on an emotional level.</p>
<p></span></span><span style="color: #800000;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><em><strong>A break from the norm.</strong></em></span></span></span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><strong></p>
<p></strong></span></span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;">Emotionally, holidays feel like a reward. Instead of working, those days are used for enjoyable activities like getting together with friends or family, having exceptional meals, or going on a vacation. It’s like being rewarded for all your hard work.</p>
<p>It’s a fact that everyone likes to be rewarded for their efforts and accomplishments. In fact, almost without exception effort is motivated by the prospect of some kind of reward. Taking time off from your normal routine to have fun fits into this “reward” category.</p>
<p></span></span><span style="color: #800000;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><em><strong>Rewards come in all shapes and sizes.</strong></em></span></span></span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"></p>
<p>Some rewards have material value while others have emotional value. Most people go to work primarily for the material reward that comes in the form of a paycheck. Others, a happy minority, love what they do so much that the monetary reward is secondary to the feelings of accomplishment they experience.</p>
<p>When we do something nice for someone we love, our reward may be as simple as a smile on their face. Making them feel good makes us happy, thus we are emotionally rewarded as well. This action-reward feedback loop is an intrinsic part of human nature and is closely related to the joy of giving and receiving.</p>
<p></span></span><span style="color: #800000;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><strong><em>Make your own holidays</em></strong></span></span></span><span style="color: #800000;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><em>.</em> <span id="more-2006"></span></span></span></span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"></p>
<p>For the most part, holidays are set by someone else. I’d like to propose a slightly different concept. I think that we should all get in the habit of rewarding ourselves for, and celebrating, our personal accomplishments.</p>
<p>No doubt, you have experienced some forward progress in your personal growth and development recently. Maybe you overcame some personal obstacle, or experienced a personal breakthrough of some kind. Perhaps you are making progress on a personal or professional goal.</p>
<p></span></span><span style="color: #800000;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><em><strong>Why not celebrate that?</strong></em></span></span></span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><strong></p>
<p></strong></span></span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;">Any time we succeed in elevating the quality of our life in some way, celebration is in order. You see, celebrating is one of the ways we give ourselves approval. Whenever you find yourself reflecting on your accomplishments, it’s time to celebrate. Doing so will funnel massive amounts of approval into your neurological feedback loop.</p>
<p>Celebrating is an effective way to anchor your efforts in positive emotions. More approval brings increased motivation to continue taking action. Increased action creates even more reasons for giving yourself approval. It’s a beautiful arrangement.</p>
<p></span></span><span style="color: #800000;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><em><strong>Feed the process.</strong></em></span></span></span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><strong></p>
<p></strong></span></span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;">Without a built-in delivery system for receiving approval, motivation begins to fade. By celebrating our personal progress we are providing the approval needed to stay motivated.</span></span></p>
<blockquote><p><strong><span style="color: #4c4c4c;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><em><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: normal">&#8220;The more you praise and celebrate your life, the more there is in life to celebrate” -Oprah Winfrey</span></em></span></span></span></strong></p></blockquote>
<p><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;">Personal development is a never-ending journey that pays giant dividends. Approval is the oil that keeps the whole process running smooth. So don&#8217;t wait for someone else to schedule a holiday, find your own ways to celebrate your life, blessings, and accomplishments. It&#8217;s perfectly okay to let yourself know how much you approve.</p>
<p></span></span><strong><span style="color: #800000;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><em>How do you feel about personal celebration?<br />
Are you ready to create your own holidays?<br />
The lines are open!</em></span></span></span></strong><strong><span style="color: #800000;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br />
</span></span></span></strong></p>
<p><span style="color: #004a4a;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><span lang="en-GB"><span style="FONT-STYLE: normal"><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: normal"><a rel="attachment wp-att-2008" href="http://advancedlifeskills.com/blog/learning-to-celebrate-life/updates-7/"><img class="alignleft size-full wp-image-2008" title="updates" src="http://advancedlifeskills.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2009/07/updates1.jpg" alt="updates" width="40" height="24" /></a>Free updates via</span></span></span></span></span></span><em><span style="color: #333333;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span></span></em><a href="http://feeds.feedburner.com/advancedlifeskills/MClm" target="_blank"><span style="color: #0000ff;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><span lang="en-GB"><span style="FONT-STYLE: normal"><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: normal">RSS</span></span></span></span></span></span></a><em><span style="color: #333333;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span></span></em><span style="color: #004a4a;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><span lang="en-GB"><span style="FONT-STYLE: normal"><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: normal">feed or</span></span></span></span></span></span><em><span style="color: #333333;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span></span></em><a href="http://www.feedburner.com/fb/a/emailverifySubmit?feedId=1783051&amp;loc=en_US" target="_blank"><span style="color: #0000ff;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><span lang="en-GB"><span style="FONT-STYLE: normal"><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: normal">email</span></span></span></span></span></span></a><em><span style="color: #800000;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span></span></em><em><span style="color: #000000;"><span style="font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: normal"><br />
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</span></span></span></span></span></strong><strong><span style="color: #000000;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><em><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: normal"><a href="http://advancedlifeskills.com/blog/7-traits-of-highly-confident-people/" target="_blank">7 Traits of Highly Confident People</a><br />
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		<title>The Relationship Between Success and Failure</title>
		<link>http://advancedlifeskills.com/blog/the-relationship-between-success-and-failure/</link>
		<comments>http://advancedlifeskills.com/blog/the-relationship-between-success-and-failure/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Wed, 01 Jul 2009 23:43:05 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Jonathan</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Success]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Abraham Lincoln]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Courage]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[failure]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[learning]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[learning curve]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Thomas Edison]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://advancedlifeskills.com/blog/?p=1998</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[
Do you believe that success is the opposite of failure? That&#8217;s exactly what most of us have been conditioned to think. If someone makes an all out effort to achieve some goal but doesn&#8217;t quite make it, what have they done?
Have they failed?
Well, that all depends on their concept (and yours) of success and failure. [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p></p><p><a rel="attachment wp-att-1999" href="http://advancedlifeskills.com/blog/the-relationship-between-success-and-failure/success/"><img class="alignright frame size-full wp-image-1999" title="success" src="http://advancedlifeskills.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2009/07/success.jpg" alt="success" width="231" height="333" /></a></p>
<p align="left"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;">Do you believe that success is the opposite of failure? That&#8217;s exactly what most of us have been conditioned to think. If someone makes an all out effort to achieve some goal but doesn&#8217;t quite make it, what have they done?</p>
<p></span></span><span style="color: #800000;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><em><strong>Have they failed?</strong></em></span></span></span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"></p>
<p>Well, that all depends on their concept (and yours) of success and failure. For some, the result alone is what determines if we belong in the winners circle or not. If life were a single, all or nothing event, perhaps we could afford to be that narrow minded. But that is not the way life works.</p>
<p></span></span><span style="color: #800000;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><em><strong>Life has a learning curve.</strong></em></span></span></span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"></p>
<p>Have you ever accomplished anything worthwhile that only required one attempt to get it right? Have you ever seen a baby go from crawling to walking without ever falling down in the process? Falling down is part of learning to walk because there&#8217;s a learning curve. </p>
<p></span></span></p>
<blockquote>
<p align="left"><span style="color: #4c4c4c;">“<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><em>You got to learn how to fall, before you learn to fly” -Paul Simon</em></span></span></span></p>
</blockquote>
<p align="left"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;">This means that most successes will be preceded by a series attempts that didn&#8217;t quite produce the results we were hoping for. With that in mind, it seems like the course of wisdom is to develop a healthy respect for whole learning process, not just the final result.</p>
<p></span></span><span style="color: #800000;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><em><strong>Learning is succeeding</strong></em></span></span></span><span style="color: #800000;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><em>.</em></span></span></span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"></p>
<p>Anytime we learn from our efforts we are in the process of succeeding. Each lesson brings us closer to our intended result. Calling the learning process “failing” is not only inaccurate, it&#8217;s also emotionally discouraging.</span></span></p>
<blockquote>
<p align="left"><span style="color: #4c4c4c;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><em>&#8220;I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that don’t work.&#8221; -Thomas Edison</em></span></span></span></p>
</blockquote>
<p align="left"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;">If we allow ourselves to become discouraged during the process we may give up right before we reach our goal. How sad it would be to go through the learning curve and then never experience the benefits of our new knowledge.</p>
<p></span></span><span style="color: #800000;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><em><strong>People who understood the process.</strong></em></span></span></span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"></p>
<p></span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><em><strong>This short video is about famous success stories who stayed the course and never gave up. We can gain courage and determination from their examples.</strong></em></span></span></p>
<p align="left"><object classid="clsid:d27cdb6e-ae6d-11cf-96b8-444553540000" width="425" height="344" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=6,0,40,0"><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true" /><param name="allowScriptAccess" value="always" /><param name="src" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/Y6hz_s2XIAU&amp;color1=0xb1b1b1&amp;color2=0xcfcfcf&amp;hl=en&amp;feature=player_embedded&amp;fs=1" /><param name="allowfullscreen" value="true" /><embed type="application/x-shockwave-flash" width="425" height="344" src="http://www.youtube.com/v/Y6hz_s2XIAU&amp;color1=0xb1b1b1&amp;color2=0xcfcfcf&amp;hl=en&amp;feature=player_embedded&amp;fs=1" allowfullscreen="true" allowscriptaccess="always"></embed></object>
</p>
<p align="left"><span style="color: #800000;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><em><strong>How do you feel about failure now?<br />
The lines are open!</p>
<p></strong></em></span></span></span><span style="color: #004a4a;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><span lang="en-GB"><span style="FONT-STYLE: normal"><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: normal"><a rel="attachment wp-att-2000" href="http://advancedlifeskills.com/blog/the-relationship-between-success-and-failure/updates-6/"><img class="alignleft size-full wp-image-2000" title="updates" src="http://advancedlifeskills.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2009/07/updates.jpg" alt="updates" width="40" height="24" /></a>Free updates via</span></span></span></span></span></span><strong><span style="color: #333333;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><em> </em></span></span></strong><a href="http://feeds.feedburner.com/advancedlifeskills/MClm" target="_blank"><span style="color: #0000ff;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><span lang="en-GB"><span style="FONT-STYLE: normal"><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: normal">RSS</span></span></span></span></span></span></a><strong><span style="color: #333333;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><em> </em></span></span></strong><span style="color: #004a4a;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><span lang="en-GB"><span style="FONT-STYLE: normal"><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: normal">feed or</span></span></span></span></span></span><strong><span style="color: #333333;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><em> </em></span></span></strong><a href="http://www.feedburner.com/fb/a/emailverifySubmit?feedId=1783051&amp;loc=en_US" target="_blank"><span style="color: #0000ff;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><span lang="en-GB"><span style="FONT-STYLE: normal"><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: normal">email</span></span></span></span></span></span></a><strong><span style="color: #800000;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><em> </em></span></span></strong><span style="color: #000000;"><span style="font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-size: small;"><em><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: normal"><br />
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</span></span></span></span></span><span style="color: #000000;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><em><strong>Related Articles:<br />
</strong></em></span></span></span><span style="color: #0047ff;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><em><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: normal"><a href="http://advancedlifeskills.com/blog/does-failurereally-exist/" target="_blank">Does Failure Really Exist?</a><br />
<a href="http://advancedlifeskills.com/blog/5-ways-to-assure-success/" target="_blank">5 Ways to Assure Success</a><br />
<a href="http://advancedlifeskills.com/blog/create-success-by-creating-value/" target="_blank">Create Success by Creating Value</a><br />
<a href="http://advancedlifeskills.com/blog/what-is-the-greatest-benefit-of-success/" target="_blank">What is the Greatest Benefit of Success?</a> </span></em></span></span></span><span style="color: #0047ff;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><em><br />
<a href="http://advancedlifeskills.com/blog/expect-success-and-nothing-less/" target="_blank">Expect Success and Nothing Less</a></em></span></span></span></p>
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		<title>Why Is It Called the Comfort Zone?</title>
		<link>http://advancedlifeskills.com/blog/why-is-it-called-the-comfort-zone/</link>
		<comments>http://advancedlifeskills.com/blog/why-is-it-called-the-comfort-zone/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Mon, 29 Jun 2009 00:08:52 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Jonathan</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Success]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Action]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[avoidance]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Change]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Comfort Zone]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[emotional anchors]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Motivation]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Pain]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[perception]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://advancedlifeskills.com/blog/?p=1983</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[
We have all heard about the comfort zone, but have you ever noticed how inaccurate that description can be? For many, the comfort zone may not be all that comfortable.
Perhaps a more accurate description might be “the less uncomfortable zone” or even “the avoidance zone.” I say that because if we were truly comfortable in [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p></p><p><a rel="attachment wp-att-1984" href="http://advancedlifeskills.com/blog/why-is-it-called-the-comfort-zone/change-2/"><img class="alignright frame size-full wp-image-1984" title="change" src="http://advancedlifeskills.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2009/06/change.jpg" alt="change" width="250" height="285" /></a></p>
<p style="MARGIN-BOTTOM: 0in"><span style="font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-size: medium;">We have all heard about the comfort zone, but have you ever noticed how inaccurate that description can be? For many, the comfort zone may not be all that comfortable.</p>
<p>Perhaps a more accurate description might be “the less uncomfortable zone” or even “the avoidance zone.” I say that because if we were truly comfortable in a situation, why would we ever feel a need for change? Here&#8217;s an example:</p>
<p>If we are thirty pounds overweight and we are avoiding doing something about it, some might suggest that we need to get outside of our comfort zone. Why would they say that? Because exercising and dieting could represent an uncomfortable change.</p>
<p></span></span><span style="color: #800000;"><span style="font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><em><strong>Uncomfortable compared to what?</p>
<p></strong></em></span></span></span><span style="font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-size: medium;">Being thirty pounds overweight is already an uncomfortable reality. Can we realistically call it the comfort zone? No, not really! Then what is so uncomfortable about making a change to improve the situation? Most of the time &#8211; </span></span><span style="font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><em><strong>it&#8217;s the idea of change that we find unsettling, not the change itself.</p>
<p></strong></em></span></span><span style="font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-size: medium;">Sometimes, the very thought of making changes in our life can represent discomfort, even pain. This is because it requires us to make an effort in a new direction. It is very easy to become a creature of habit and to adapt to a set daily routine. Such patterns can be constructive or destructive, it really doesn&#8217;t matter.</p>
<p></span></span><span style="color: #800000;"><span style="font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><strong><em>Once established, we tend to resist change.</em></strong> <span id="more-1983"></span></p>
<p></span></span></span><span style="font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-size: medium;">When we link change to discomfort, we begin to see avoiding change as the preferred choice. In comparison with upsetting our routine and changing our established patterns, doing nothing becomes our comfort zone.</p>
<p>Our strongest emotional motivator is the desire to move away from pain and discomfort. As soon as we link something to pain, our emotional response is “don&#8217;t go there.” By comparison, moving in the opposite direction feels much more comfortable.</p>
<p></span></span><span style="color: #800000;"><span style="font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><em><strong>You can change your emotional anchors!</p>
<p></strong></em></span></span></span><span style="font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-size: medium;">What if we could reverse our pain and pleasure anchors? What if we could view our current situation as more uncomfortable than disrupting our set routine?Then we would be motivated to move toward change instead of avoiding it. Our whole emotional perspective would shift.</p>
<p>This is exactly how many people finally manage to make significant changes in their lives. They reach a tipping point where their current reality becomes so uncomfortable, or even painful, that they are sufficiently motivated to take action.</p>
<p></span></span></p>
<blockquote>
<p style="MARGIN-BOTTOM: 0in"><span style="color: #333333;">“<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><em>There came a time when the risk to remain tight in the bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.” -Anais Nin</em></span></span></span></p>
</blockquote>
<p style="MARGIN-BOTTOM: 0in"><span style="color: #800000;"><span style="font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><em><strong>Why wait?</p>
<p></strong></em></span></span></span><span style="font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-size: medium;">There is no reason to avoid changing until your current reality reaches a tipping point. We can assign pain or pleasure links to anything we want. The more you can link pleasure to the concept of change, the more motivated you will be to take action.</p>
<p>If you assign enough discomfort to your current reality you will automatically move in another direction. Remember, everything in life is perception. Control your emotional anchors and you will never lack motivation. Become the master of your perception and you become the master of your reality.</p>
<p></span></span><strong><span style="color: #800000;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><em>How do you feel about change?<br />
What gets you motivated?<br />
The lines are open!</em></span></span></span></strong><span style="font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-size: small;"><strong></p>
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</span></span></span><span style="font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-size: small;"><em><strong>Related Articles:</strong></em></span></span><span style="font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-size: small;"><em><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: normal"><br />
<a href="http://advancedlifeskills.com/blog/what-is-holding-you-back/" target="_blank">What Is Holding You Back?</a><br />
<a href="http://advancedlifeskills.com/blog/belief-systems-part-1/" target="_blank">Belief Systems &#8211; Part 1<br />
</a><a href="http://advancedlifeskills.com/blog/19/" target="_blank">Paradigm Perspectives</a><br />
<a href="http://advancedlifeskills.com/blog/word-power-–-part-1/" target="_blank">Word Power – Part 1</a><br />
<a href="http://advancedlifeskills.com/blog/what-do-you-think-you-deserve/" target="_blank">What Do You Think You Deserve?</a></span></em></span></span></p>
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		<title>Just For Fun!</title>
		<link>http://advancedlifeskills.com/blog/just-for-fun/</link>
		<comments>http://advancedlifeskills.com/blog/just-for-fun/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Fri, 26 Jun 2009 20:19:04 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Jonathan</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Just for Fun]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[eye hand coordination]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Fun]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[juggling]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://advancedlifeskills.com/blog/?p=1975</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[Would you like to be entertained and amazed for the next four minutes?
I invite you to take a break from thinking. Just sit back and enjoy one of the most impressive displays of eye hand coordination I have ever seen.

Well, did you like it?
]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p></p><p><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;">Would you like to be entertained and amazed for the next four minutes?</p>
<p>I invite you to take a break from thinking. Just sit back and enjoy one of the most impressive displays of eye hand coordination I have ever seen.</span></span></p>
<p><object classid="clsid:d27cdb6e-ae6d-11cf-96b8-444553540000" width="425" height="344" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=6,0,40,0"><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true" /><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always" /><param name="src" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/H8f8drk5Urw&amp;hl=en&amp;fs=1&amp;" /><param name="allowfullscreen" value="true" /><embed type="application/x-shockwave-flash" width="425" height="344" src="http://www.youtube.com/v/H8f8drk5Urw&amp;hl=en&amp;fs=1&amp;" allowfullscreen="true" allowscriptaccess="always"></embed></object></p>
<p><span style="color: #800000;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><em><strong>Well, did you like it?</strong></em></span></span></span></p>
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		<title>Who Needs Approval?</title>
		<link>http://advancedlifeskills.com/blog/who-needs-approval/</link>
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		<pubDate>Tue, 23 Jun 2009 21:40:46 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Jonathan</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Home]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Personal growth]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[approval]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[ethics]]></category>
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		<category><![CDATA[internal harmony]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Self Esteem]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[self-approval]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[standards]]></category>
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		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://advancedlifeskills.com/blog/?p=1966</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[
There are certain core needs shared by every person on the planet. Some of these needs are physical such as food, water, and air. We also have emotional needs. Once our physical needs are met, filling our core emotional needs becomes our number one priority in life.
The need for approval fits into this category. Whether [...]]]></description>
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<p><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;">There are certain core needs shared by every person on the planet. Some of these needs are physical such as food, water, and air. We also have emotional needs. Once our physical needs are met, filling our core emotional needs becomes our number one priority in life.</p>
<p>The need for approval fits into this category. Whether we choose to acknowledge it or not, the desire for approval is one of the strongest motivating forces known to man.</p>
<p></span></span><span style="color: #800000;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><em><strong>Whose approval do we want?</strong></em></span></span></span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"></p>
<p>Well, it all depends on whose opinion we value most. A child wants the approval of their parents, while a teenager generally seeks the approval of their peers. Wives want the approval of their husbands, and visa versa. But it doesn&#8217;t stop there!</p>
<p>Employees want to here the phrase “well done” from their employer, just as authors want to please their readers. The fact is, we all have a longing for validation, and approval helps fill that desire.</p>
<p></span></span><span style="color: #800000;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><em><strong>Why does it matter so much?</strong></em></span></span></span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"></p>
<p>Have you ever wondered why approval is so important? The answer may surprise you, but it&#8217;s actually pretty basic. Approval feeds our strongest desire. The strongest of all emotional needs is directly linked our feelings of approval or disapproval. Can you guess what that need is?</p>
<p>The first thing people usually think of is the need for love. Was that your thought also? As powerful as the need for love is, in reality it is the same as approval. In fact, love is the ultimate expression of approval. So love feeds the same core emotional need as approval does.</p>
<p></span></span><span style="color: #800000;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><em><strong>What is the granddaddy of all human emotions?</strong></em></span></span></span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"></p>
<p>Every person on the planet has an inherent and insatiable desire to feel safe and secure. Most of what we do in life revolves around this core desire. Efforts to fill this desire shape the actions of individuals and the course of world events.</p>
<p>Wanting to feel secure is the fundamental driving force of the human species. Just as the Earth is in orbit around the sun, human behavior revolves around the need to establish a physical and emotional sense of security.</p>
<p></span></span><span style="color: #800000;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><strong><em>Approval makes us feel secure.</em></strong> <span id="more-1966"></span></span></span></span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"></p>
<p>Once we understand the close relationship between these two core emotions, it becomes obvious why everyone is seeking approval. On a deep emotional level, approval makes us feel secure with ourself as a person. There is a huge degree of inner peace and security connected to feeling good about who we are.</p>
<p>We should also note that disapproval can have the opposite effect. When we meet with ridicule or rejection it can undermine our view of ourselves. If we internalize this kind of negative feedback, we can begin to doubt our personal worth. This threatens our sense of security and disrupts our inner harmony.</p>
<p></span></span><span style="color: #800000;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><em><strong>Finding approval</strong></em></span></span></span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"></p>
<p>When we are children, we seek validation from external sources. If we feel approved of by our parents, it will be easier to develop a healthy degree of self-esteem. If we are constantly belittled or criticized, our sense of self-esteem will suffer.</p>
<p>During our formative years we rely mostly on approval from outside sources. Environmental feedback is the number one contributor to our early emotional development. However, as we get older there needs to be a fundamental shift in our primary source of approval.</p>
<p></span></span><span style="color: #800000;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><em><strong>From external to internal.</strong></em></span></span></span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"></p>
<p>If we remain dependent on external factors to feel approved of, then we will always be emotionally vulnerable. Our self-esteem would be in the hands of things that we have very little control over. This kind of situation fosters a needy, helpless, dependent mindset.</p>
<p>Our primary source of approval needs to be internal rather than external. We need to approve of ourselves in order to feel true inner peace and security. That internal sense of approval needs to be developed until it is no longer vulnerable to the shifting tide of external validation. Self-esteem comes from how we feel about ourself!</p>
<p></span></span><span style="color: #800000;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><em><strong>How self-approval works.</strong></em></span></span></span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"></p>
<p>To feel truly good about ourself as a person, we must eliminate internal conflict. If we are not living in harmony with what we believe to be right and just, we will not be at peace with ourselves. No matter how hard our conscious mind tries to justify things, on a deep emotional level there will be conflict.</p>
<p>There can be no self-approval in an internal environment of conflict. Disharmony can only lead to disapproval. When you disapprove of yourself, all the external approval in the world cannot make up for it.</p>
<p></span></span><span style="color: #800000;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><em><strong>Be true to yourself.</strong></em></span></span></span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"></p>
<p>Here are three important ways to create internal harmony and avoid inner conflict.</p>
<p></span></span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><strong>1) Be truthful with yourself and others.</strong></span></span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"> Saying one thing while thinking another throws your whole being into confusion. You may not be consciously aware of the disruption, but your nervous system certainly is. How can you approve of yourself if, on some core level, you feel like a lier?</p>
<p></span></span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><strong>2) Be true to your values.</strong></span></span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"> We all have personal ethics. If we compromise our standards for any reason, it costs us emotionally. Many people have lost touch with their deepest values. Consequently, they live in a way that violates their inner sense of right and wrong. They may defend their actions, but internally they are earning their own disapproval.</p>
<p></span></span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><strong>3) Show consideration for those around you.</strong></span></span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"> We all want to be treated with respect and consideration. It send mixed signals to our nervous system if we treat people differently then we want them to treat us. There is no way to justify hypocrisy on an emotional level. Our brain can make excuses, but that won&#8217;t prevent the disapproval and inner conflict.</p>
<p></span></span><span style="color: #800000;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><em><strong>Give yourself approval.</strong></em></span></span></span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"></p>
<p>There is nothing wrong with self validation. When you act or speak in a way that makes you feel good about yourself, stop and acknowledge it. When you work hard on a project or goal, find a way to reward yourself. It is not egotistical to give yourself acknowledgement.</p>
<p>External approval is always reassuring. When we receive the validation of others it reinforces our view of ourselves. But our personal sense of self-worth should be built on a solid internal foundation of self-approval and internal harmony.</p>
<p></span></span><span style="color: #800000;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><em><strong>How do you feel about self-approval?<br />
What makes you feel good about yourself?<br />
The lines are open!</strong></em></span></span></span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"></p>
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</span></span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><em><strong>Related Articles:</strong></em></span></span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><em><br />
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<a href="http://advancedlifeskills.com/blog/mastering-self-esteem/" target="_blank">Mastering Self-Esteem</a> </em></span></span></p>
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		<title>Friday With Friends – June 19</title>
		<link>http://advancedlifeskills.com/blog/friday-with-friends-%e2%80%93-june-19/</link>
		<comments>http://advancedlifeskills.com/blog/friday-with-friends-%e2%80%93-june-19/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Fri, 19 Jun 2009 22:38:24 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Jonathan</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Friday with Friends]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[abundance]]></category>
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		<category><![CDATA[Money]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[personal development]]></category>
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		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://advancedlifeskills.com/blog/?p=1959</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[Today I want to share three wonderful articles with you on subjects that directly affect the quality of your life. We are going to talk about money, productivity, and personal outlook.
In this challenging economic environment money is the focus of many conversations. Let&#8217;s begin by recognizing that money is probably the most emotionally charged inanimate [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p></p><p><a name="more-1321"></a><a rel="attachment wp-att-1960" href="http://advancedlifeskills.com/blog/friday-with-friends-%e2%80%93-june-19/friday-with-friends-2/"><img class="alignright size-full wp-image-1960" title="Friday with Friends" src="http://advancedlifeskills.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2009/06/Friday-with-Friends.jpg" alt="Friday with Friends" width="217" height="258" /></a><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;">Today I want to share three wonderful articles with you on subjects that directly affect the quality of your life. We are going to talk about money, productivity, and personal outlook.</p>
<p>In this challenging economic environment money is the focus of many conversations. Let&#8217;s begin by recognizing that money is probably the most emotionally charged inanimate substance there is. It has it&#8217;s own distinct energy.</p>
<p>For some, mixed feelings about money create internal conflict and confusion. This is a breeding ground for limiting beliefs that can interfere with the flow of abundance into our lives. But here&#8217;s the thing&#8230;</p>
<p></span></span><span style="color: #800000;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><em><strong>We all need money to function.</strong></em></span></span></span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"></p>
<p>My friend and colleague </span></span><a href="http://www.stevenaitchison.co.uk/blog/about/" target="_blank"><span style="color: #000000;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;">Steve Aitchison</span></span></span></a><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"> wrote a very insightful article covering many of the different aspects of money, and the emotions that surround it. The article is titled: </span></span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><strong>“</strong></span></span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><em><strong>The Energy of Money and How To Make More of It.” </strong></em></span></span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="font-style: normal;">Here&#8217;s an excerpt&#8230;</p>
<p>“As I said in the beginning of this post we have been programmed to believe the pursuit of money and wealth is not good.  Get rid of this thought as quickly as you can for it will hinder you from making progress in your life’s goal to create more money in your life.  Money is the pathway to freedom for yourself and for others in your life.  You will have the ability to help more people by being wealthy than you will be by being poor.  Think of this for a moment.” </span></span></span><span style="color: #0000ff;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><em><span style="font-weight: normal;">[<a href="http://www.stevenaitchison.co.uk/blog/2009/06/18/the-energy-of-money-and-how-to-make-more-of-it/" target="_blank">read the article</a>]</span></em></span></span></span><span style="color: #0000ff;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-style: normal;"> </span></span></span></span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"></p>
<p></span></span><span style="color: #800000;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><em><strong>About productivity.</strong></em></span></span></span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"></p>
<p>Productivity is another area that lends itself to confusion. Is shear will power the secrete to increased productivity, or is there a more natural approach?</p>
<p>Personal development blogger </span></span><a href="http://www.steve-olson.com/about-steve-olsoncom/" target="_blank"><span style="color: #000000;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;">Steve Olson</span></span></span></a><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"> helps us to appreciate the futility of trying to create by force in his article: </span></span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><em><strong>“The Secret to Getting Things Done: Acceptance, Love, and Patience.” </strong></em></span></span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;">There is some valuable insight in this article that we can all benefit from. Here&#8217;s a taste&#8230;</p>
<p>We live in a culture where we are taught from our earliest days that problems are solved by the application of force. Popular culture action heroes and athletes delude us into thinking we can create a better world via physical strength, will power, and force. </span></span><span style="color: #0000ff;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><em>[<a href="http://www.steve-olson.com/the-secret-to-getting-things-done-acceptance-love-and-patience/" target="_blank">read the article</a>]</p>
<p></em></span></span></span><span style="color: #800000;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><em><strong>Your personal view of circumstances.</strong></em></span></span></span><span style="color: #000000;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="font-style: normal;"></p>
<p>Are you in control of your life, or are you just a victim of circumstance? This is a question that cuts to the heart of the perception we have of our own reality. This week my good friend <a href="http://www.ratracetrap.com/about" target="_blank"><span style="color: #000000;">Stephen Mills</span></a> dove right into the deep end of this subject. His article: </span></span></span></span><span style="color: #000000;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><em><strong>“Stop Being the Victim”</strong></em></span></span></span><span style="color: #000000;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="font-style: normal;"> is both powerful and straight to the point. Here&#8217;s a quote&#8230;</p>
<p>When you play the victim and expect others to come to your rescue, you are shutting yourself off from that tremendous power you have to make a difference.  You are creating a self-limiting environment for yourself.  You are failing to be 100% responsible. </span></span></span></span><span style="color: #0000ff;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><em>[<a href="http://www.ratracetrap.com/the-rat-race-trap/stop-being-the-victim.html" target="_blank">read the article</a>]</em></span></span></span><span style="color: #000000;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="font-style: normal;"></p>
<p></span></span></span></span><span style="color: #000000;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><span lang="en-GB"><span style="font-style: normal;"><strong>Well, that’s it for this Friday with Friends</strong></span></span></span></span></span><span style="color: #000000;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><span lang="en-GB"><span style="font-style: normal;">.<br />
Before you go, let me ask:</span></span></span></span></span><span style="color: #0000ff;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><span lang="en-GB"><span style="font-style: normal;"></p>
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<p></span></span></span></span></span></span><span style="color: #000000;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span lang="en-GB"><em><strong>Related Articles:</strong></em></span></span></span></span><span style="color: #000000;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span lang="en-GB"><em><span style="font-weight: normal;"><br />
<a href="http://advancedlifeskills.com/blog/friday-with-friends-may-15/" target="_blank"><span style="color: #0000ff;">Friday with Friends &#8211; May 15</span></a><span style="color: #0000ff;"><br />
</span><a href="http://advancedlifeskills.com/blog/friday-with-friends-may-29/" target="_blank"><span style="color: #0000ff;">Friday with Friends &#8211; May 29</span></a> </span></em></span></span></span></span></p>
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		<title>The 5 Dimensions of Knowledge</title>
		<link>http://advancedlifeskills.com/blog/the-5-dimensions-of-knowledge/</link>
		<comments>http://advancedlifeskills.com/blog/the-5-dimensions-of-knowledge/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Tue, 16 Jun 2009 22:39:06 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Jonathan</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Personal growth]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Focus]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[information overload]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[knowledge]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[learning]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[priorities]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://advancedlifeskills.com/blog/?p=1938</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[
Knowledge is something that we all possess in varying amounts on a wide range of subjects. For some reason, there is a tendency to view knowledge in a rather linear way. As if all knowledge should be considered in the same light.
I think this is a shortsighted approach that can prevent us from properly prioritizing [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p></p><p><a rel="attachment wp-att-1937" href="http://advancedlifeskills.com/blog/the-5-dimensions-of-knowledge/knowledge/"><img class="alignright frame size-full wp-image-1937" title="knowledge" src="http://advancedlifeskills.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2009/06/knowledge.jpg" alt="knowledge" width="253" height="322" /></a></p>
<p style="MARGIN-BOTTOM: 0in"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;">Knowledge is something that we all possess in varying amounts on a wide range of subjects. For some reason, there is a tendency to view knowledge in a rather linear way. As if all knowledge should be considered in the same light.</p>
<p>I think this is a shortsighted approach that can prevent us from properly prioritizing how we learn. If we waste our time learning about things that don&#8217;t really matter, we won&#8217;t have time to take in knowledge that has real value in our life.</p>
<p></span><span style="color: #800000;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><em><strong>Filling the desire.</strong></em></span></span><span style="font-size: medium;"></p>
<p>Humans have an insatiable desire to learn. It&#8217;s a life long quest that begins at infancy and follows us to the grave. Learning makes life interesting, exhilarating, and even challenging. We were born to learn and we possess a seemingly limitless capacity and curiosity for knowledge.</p>
<p>The biggest limitation to learning does not stem from our ability to take in knowledge. It stems from having only a limited amount of time available for learning. Our lifespan is only so long, and it determines our window of opportunity for taking in knowledge.</p>
<p></span><span style="font-size: medium;"><strong></strong></span><span style="color: #800000;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><em><strong>All Knowledge is not created equal.</strong></em></span></span><span style="font-size: medium;"></p>
<p>Having a limited window of opportunity suggests that it would be appropriate to set some priorities. We could talk about priorities from the standpoint of which subjects are most important, but I think that is more of an individual choice.</p>
<p>Instead, let&#8217;s take a more dimensional approach. This is a concept that I&#8217;ve been working on for a few months. It has to do with the relevance of certain categories of knowledge as regards there actual value in our life. I have come up with five different types of knowledge that we are exposed to. I call them&#8230;</p>
<p></span><span style="color: #800000;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><em><strong>The 5 Dimensions of Knowledge.</strong></em></span></span><span style="font-size: medium;"></p>
<p>To begin with, here&#8217;s a list of all five.</p>
<p></span><span style="font-size: medium;"><em><strong>1) What we actually know.<br />
2) What we think we know.<br />
3) What we would like to know.<br />
4) What we don&#8217;t need to know.<br />
5) What we used to know.</strong></em></span><span style="font-size: medium;"></p>
<p>Let&#8217;s work our way down the list so we can have a closer look at each one. As we do, I invite you to inventory your own knowledge base as a reference.</p>
<p></span><span style="color: #800000;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><strong><em>1) What we actually know.</em></strong>  <span id="more-1938"></span></span></span><span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: normal"><br />
Because this category is influenced by our perception, it is difficult, or impossible, to be completely objective here. With that in mind, let&#8217;s divide this one into 2 subcategories.</p>
<p></span></span><span style="font-size: medium;"><strong>- a) Truths that are absolute for everyone.</strong></span><span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: normal"> – This includes things like gravity and other natural forces that are basically undeniable. We all have knowledge of thousands of facts that fit into this category. They form a solid foundation for additional learning. The scientifically sound and universally accepted facts in this category are unshakable. For example, new research will never disprove gravity. It may increase our understanding of it, but gravity is here to stay.</p>
<p></span></span><span style="font-size: medium;"><strong>- b) Things that are true for us right now.</strong></span><span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: normal"> &#8211; These are truths that are subject to change. For example, it&#8217;s a fact that I am alive right now. That could change in the blink of an eye; I hope it doesn&#8217;t but it could. This subcategory requires periodic evaluation to stay up to date.</p>
<p></span></span><span style="color: #800000;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><em><strong>2) What we think we know.</strong></em></span></span><span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: normal"><br />
This category reaches it&#8217;s peak around age eighteen, then it begins to shrink. That&#8217;s because lack of real knowledge can create the illusion of knowledge. This happens when awareness of the vast unknown has not yet developed. Knowledge in this category can be backed by impressive research data and intelligent sounding speculation. Just remember, the speculation of many experts is still nothing more than an educated guess. It can go either way.</p>
<p></span></span><span style="color: #800000;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><em><strong>3) What we would like to know.</strong></em></span></span><span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: normal"><br />
This is a very important category because it helps determine the direction of our ongoing education. We all have a mental list of things we want to learn more about. For me the list is huge. The bigger your list the greater the need for some organization and a systematic approach.</p>
<p>We can only learn so much during any given period of time. If you try to learn 10 topics at once, your rate of learning for each topic will be fairly slow. If you concentrate on just one subject at a time, your learning rate will increase dramatically.</p>
<p>By prioritizing the topics we want to learn more about, and focusing on only a few at a time, we will make faster progress. This will also allow us time to assimilate the new knowledge more completely.</p>
<p></span></span><span style="color: #800000;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><em><strong>4) What we don&#8217;t need to know.</strong></em></span></span><span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: normal"><br />
This is a rapidly increasing category. Information overload gets in the way of learning because it spreads our attention so thin that we can&#8217;t focus enough to really learn anything. The human mind is not built for multitasking. It may seem like the way to accomplish more, but beyond walking and chewing gum at the same time, multitasking is a myth.</p>
<p>With learning, focus is the name of the game. Any attempt to divide our attention only compromises our ability to focus. By definition focus means to fix our attention on a single thing. To do that our mind must filter out anything that represents a distraction. Information overload and noise pollution are very distracting to the learning process.</p>
<p></span></span><span style="color: #800000;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><em><strong>5) What we used to know.</strong></em></span></span><span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: normal"><br />
We forget things, but much of it is just the way our mind filters and prioritizes information. Unused data keeps getting shuffled further back in our mental file cabinet. It&#8217;s never really gone, we just has limited access to it.</p>
<p>This doesn&#8217;t mean that we are losing it, even though it may feel that way. Prioritizing is a built in program for keeping pertinent information close at hand and easily accessible. This process assures that we are always the most updated and upgraded version of ourselves. Don&#8217;t worry about what you used to know, that was then and this is now.</p>
<p></span></span><span style="color: #800000;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><em><strong>How to use this information.</strong></em></span></span><span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: normal"></p>
<p>1) Don&#8217;t confuse what you actually know with what you think you know. They are two completely different categories. It&#8217;s OK to act on what you think you know as long as you recognize that it is speculation rather than fact.</p>
<p>2) Make a list of the things you want to learn according to personal importance. Use the time available for learning the things that matter most and that have the greatest impact on your life. If you spend your time learning trivia, that&#8217;s what your life will be full of.</p>
<p>3) Our brain is a master prioritizer. It keeps important knowledge close at hand so we can access it readily. It also stores data that isn&#8217;t used very often in the basement. It&#8217;s not gone, but you may need to search for it awhile before you locate it. That is not senility.</p>
<p>Finally, always keep learning. Give your mind new territory to cover and new answers to discover. Learning keeps life fresh and exciting. If you want to make a meaningful contribution to the world around you, acquire accurate knowledge and insight. Then be willing to share it openly and freely with others so they can benefit from it.<br />
</span></span></span></p>
<p><span style="color: #800000;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><em><strong>How do you feel about continued learning?<br />
What knowledge really matters to you?<br />
The lines are open&#8230;</strong></em></span></span></span><span style="color: #800000;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="FONT-STYLE: normal"><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: normal"> </span></span></span></span></span><span style="color: #800000;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="FONT-STYLE: normal"><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: normal"></p>
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</span></em></span><a href="http://advancedlifeskills.com/blog/the-power-of-decisions-part-1/" target="_blank"><span style="color: #0000ff;"><em>The Power of Decisions &#8211; Part 1</em></span></a></p>
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		<title>Gas Station Wisdom From a Modern Day Sage</title>
		<link>http://advancedlifeskills.com/blog/gas-station-wisdom-from-a-modern-day-sage/</link>
		<comments>http://advancedlifeskills.com/blog/gas-station-wisdom-from-a-modern-day-sage/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Thu, 11 Jun 2009 18:35:48 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Jonathan</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Attitude]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Insight]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[life lesson]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[perspective]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Relationships]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[understanding]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[wisdom]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://advancedlifeskills.com/blog/?p=1916</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[If we are paying attention, wisdom can enter our life from almost anywhere. Life lessons are abundantly available for those who are open to learning. This is the story of one such lesson that could have been easily overlooked.
It seems that every small town has a least one local gas station, and that&#8217;s the setting [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p></p><p><a rel="attachment wp-att-1917" href="http://advancedlifeskills.com/blog/gas-station-wisdom-from-a-modern-day-sage/modern-day-sage/"><img class="alignright frame size-full wp-image-1917" title="modern-day-sage" src="http://advancedlifeskills.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2009/06/modern-day-sage.jpg" alt="modern-day-sage" width="250" height="324" /></a><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;">If we are paying attention, wisdom can enter our life from almost anywhere. Life lessons are abundantly available for those who are open to learning. This is the story of one such lesson that could have been easily overlooked.</p>
<p>It seems that every small town has a least one local gas station, and that&#8217;s the setting for this story. We have one on the edge of town that&#8217;s run by an easy going guy named Jimmy. Now for those of you who are accustom to self service gas stations, allow me to adjust your perspective slightly.</p>
<p></span></span><span style="color: #800000;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><em><strong>Once upon a time</strong></em></span></span></span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"></p>
<p>You see, years ago we referred to them as service stations rather than gas stations. The reason, well because they offered services that are extremely rare these days. They would wash your windshield, check the air pressure in your tires, and even open the hood and look around.</p>
<p>In Oregon, there are no self service gas stations. In fact, it&#8217;s against the law to pump your own gas. So as unlikely as it may seem, the spirit of the old service station still exists. This is especially true in smaller towns.</p>
<p>Anyway, Jimmy meets a lot of people in the course of his job, including newcomers who are just moving here. There is one particular question that he is asked fairly often. I feel that his answer reflects a real depth of understanding and insight into human nature. That&#8217;s what I want to share it with you.</p>
<p></span></span><span style="color: #800000;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><em><strong>The question</strong></em></span></span></span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"></p>
<p>When people move here they are usually curious about about quite a few things. One of the most common questions they ask is: “What are the people like around here?”</p>
<p>Now that&#8217;s a perfectly normal question, but it&#8217;s also open to interpretation because it calls for an opinion. Well, Jimmy uses that question to gain insight into those curious newcomers, and offer an opportunity for self examination to those who are really listening.</p>
<p></span></span><span style="color: #800000;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><em><strong>His insightful response  <span id="more-1916"></span></strong></em></span></span></span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"></p>
<p>When someone says, “we just moved here and we were wondering, what are the people like around here?” Here&#8217;s how he responds. Rather than giving his opinion, Jimmy answers them with another question, one that can be quite revealing. He asks, “what are the people like in the town where you just moved from?”</p>
<p>Now, instead of giving them his opinion, he gets to listen to their&#8217;s. Interestingly, no matter how they answer his question, his response is always the same. In fact, his response is the key to the life lesson I want to share with you today. Let&#8217;s consider two possible scenarios.</p>
<p></span></span><span style="color: #800000;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><em><strong>What were your old neighbors like?</strong></em></span></span></span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"></p>
<p>If they tell him something like: “The people where we came from were hard to get along with. We lived there for six years and didn&#8217;t even know our neighbors. It was the the most unfriendly place we have ever lived.” Then Jimmy says, “that&#8217;s what the people around here are like also.”</p>
<p>On the other hand, if they say something like: “The people where we just moved from are wonderful. We were friends with all of our neighbors. It was the nicest group of people we have ever lived around.” Then Jimmy says, “that&#8217;s what the people are like around here also.”</p>
<p></span></span><span style="color: #800000;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><em><strong>What&#8217;s the lesson here?</strong></em></span></span></span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"></p>
<p>As it turns out, Jimmy knows something about human nature that many people fail to recognize. He understands that life is about perspective and attitude. We are the ones who decide what to make out of our circumstances. In other words, we bring it with us wherever we go.</p>
<p>If we have a good attitude about the people around us, that&#8217;s what we project. If we have a bad attitude, then that&#8217;s what we project. Whatever we project will be reflected back on us by our environment. To a huge degree, we live in a world of our own making.</p>
<p></span></span><span style="color: #800000;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><em><strong>What kind of world do you live in?</strong></em></span></span></span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"></p>
<p></span></span><span style="color: #000000;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;">Now it&#8217;s time for each of us to ask ourselves, “what are the people like where I live?” You see, changing neighborhoods, jobs, friends, or even marriage mates won&#8217;t necessarily make life better.</p>
<p>If we want to <a href="http://advancedlifeskills.com/7SimpleSteps.php" target="_blank">improve the quality of our lives</a> and our relationships, then we need to start a little closer to home. We need to think about what kind of attitude we are projecting into the world we live in. We can&#8217;t move away from our own attitude. If we want to live in a better world, we need to start with a better attitude.</span></span></span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br />
</span></span><span style="color: #800000;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><em><strong><br />
How do you feel about the role of attitude?<br />
Have something to add?<br />
The lines are open!</p>
<p></strong></em></span></span></span><span style="color: #004a4a;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="font-weight: normal;"><a rel="attachment wp-att-1925" href="http://advancedlifeskills.com/blog/gas-station-wisdom-from-a-modern-day-sage/updates1/"><img class="alignleft size-full wp-image-1925" title="updates" src="http://advancedlifeskills.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2009/06/updates1.jpg" alt="updates" width="40" height="24" /></a>Free updates via</span></span></span></span><span style="color: #333333;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="font-weight: normal;"> </span></span></span></span><a href="http://feeds.feedburner.com/advancedlifeskills/MClm" target="_blank"><span style="color: #0000ff;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="font-weight: normal;">RSS</span></span></span></span></a><span style="color: #333333;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="font-weight: normal;"> </span></span></span></span><span style="color: #004a4a;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="font-weight: normal;">feed or</span></span></span></span><span style="color: #333333;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="font-weight: normal;"> </span></span></span></span><a href="http://www.feedburner.com/fb/a/emailverifySubmit?feedId=1783051&amp;loc=en_US" target="_blank"><span style="color: #0000ff;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="font-weight: normal;">email</span></span></span></span></a><span style="color: #333333;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="font-weight: normal;"> </span></span></span></span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"></p>
<p></span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><em><strong>Related Articles:</strong></em></span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><em><br />
<a href="http://advancedlifeskills.com/blog/how-do-others-view-you/" target="_blank">How Do Others View You?</a><br />
<a href="http://advancedlifeskills.com/blog/19/" target="_blank">Paradigm Perspectives</a><br />
<a href="http://advancedlifeskills.com/blog/how-bright-is-your-light/" target="_blank">How Bright is Your Light?</a><br />
<a href="http://advancedlifeskills.com/blog/negative-talk-a-verbal-scorpion/" target="_blank">Negative Talk a Verbal Scorpion</a><br />
<a href="http://advancedlifeskills.com/blog/what-makes-a-happy-relationship/" target="_blank">What Makes a Happy Relationship?</a> </em></span></p>
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		<title>Personal Development – Is Your Ego Getting In the Way?</title>
		<link>http://advancedlifeskills.com/blog/personal-development-%e2%80%93-is-your-ego-getting-in-the-way/</link>
		<comments>http://advancedlifeskills.com/blog/personal-development-%e2%80%93-is-your-ego-getting-in-the-way/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Mon, 08 Jun 2009 22:25:53 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Jonathan</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Personal growth]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[consciousness]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[control]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[ego]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Life lessons]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[limits]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[personal development]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://advancedlifeskills.com/blog/?p=1909</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[Without even being aware of it, our ego can become our greatest obstacle to personal development. You see, how we view the world around us depends a great deal on our ego.
The role of ego?
Acting like a giant control panel, our ego can direct how we interpret everything that goes on in our daily experience. [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p></p><p><a rel="attachment wp-att-1910" href="http://advancedlifeskills.com/blog/personal-development-%e2%80%93-is-your-ego-getting-in-the-way/father-and-daughter/"><img class="alignright frame size-full wp-image-1910" title="father-and-daughter" src="http://advancedlifeskills.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2009/06/father-and-daughter.jpg" alt="father-and-daughter" width="252" height="354" /></a><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;">Without even being aware of it, our ego can become our greatest obstacle to </span></span><a href="http://advancedlifeskills.com/7SimpleSteps.php" target="_blank"><span style="color: #000000;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;">personal development</span></span></span></a><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;">. You see, how we view the world around us depends a great deal on our ego.</p>
<p></span></span><span style="color: #800000;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><em><strong>The role of ego?</strong></em></span></span></span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"></p>
<p>Acting like a giant control panel, our ego can direct how we interpret everything that goes on in our daily experience. We know that our perception of any event will determine what we get from that experience. Was it positive or negative? Was it an opportunity or setback? The answers depend upon our perception.</p>
<p>Now here&#8217;s the clincher. Our ego exercises a very strong influence on our perception, and most of the time we have no awareness of this influence. It&#8217;s not because we are hiding from from our ego, in fact it&#8217;s just the opposite.</p>
<p></span></span><span style="color: #800000;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><em><strong>It&#8217;s because we are way too close to see it!</strong></em></span></span></span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"></p>
<p>You see, our ego is that part of the mind containing consciousness and memory. It is intimately involved in the process of controlling, planning, and conforming to reality. As far as we are concerned, our ego is the same as our individual self. It&#8217;s who we are as a person separate from our environment.</p>
<p>Because ego sees us as separate from everything else, it tries to shape our perception accordingly. This means that it acts as a filter for everything we are exposed to. Our version of reality is slanted by the ego&#8217;s agendas.</p>
<p></span></span><span style="color: #800000;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><em><strong>What this means to our personal development</strong></em></span></span></span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"></p>
<p>It means that the state of our ego can greatly enhance our personal development, or it can create a insurmountable obstacle. It can open the door to a rewarding and fulfilling life, or it can slam the door of personal growth and confine us to a life of self imposed limits.</p>
<p>That&#8217;s a lot of influence, don&#8217;t you think? Especially for something that tends to operate behind a curtain of personal invisibility. I say personal invisibility because often times others can clearly see what mode our ego is in, even when we can&#8217;t.</p>
<p></span></span><span style="color: #800000;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><em><strong>My firsthand encounter with the big E <span id="more-1909"></span></strong></em></span></span></span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"></p>
<p>There was a time when I was in the clutches of my personally invisible ego. People around me could see that I was a control freak, and they often tried to bring it to my attention. What was my reaction? I honestly couldn&#8217;t see it. Worse than that, I really couldn&#8217;t comprehend why they would even hint at such a thing.</p>
<p>I remember that a good friend at the time would often tell me “you need to let go!” And my response was always “let go of what?” I honestly couldn&#8217;t understand why he would say that.</p>
<p></span></span><span style="color: #800000;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><em><strong>The scene is set</strong></em></span></span></span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"></p>
<p>Sometimes, life&#8217;s lessons have a way of sneaking up on us when we least expect it. That&#8217;s exactly what happened to me. I think our daughter was about nine years old at the time, and I have her to thank for ripping back the veil and exposing me to myself.</p>
<p>One day I was determine to finally teach her a lesson about keeping her room clean (go ahead and laugh). So I sent her to her room and told her not to come out until it was all cleaned up. For some kids that would have seemed like a punishment, but our daughter loved being in her room. It wasn&#8217;t even a hardship, let alone a punishment. So, after several hours I decided to check on her progress.</p>
<p></span></span><span style="color: #800000;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><em><strong>A rude awakening</strong></em></span></span></span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"></p>
<p>When I entered her room, there she was entertaining herself and having a good old time. Absolutely no effort had been made at cleaning up the mess. I was amazed and proceeded to set myself up to learn a very important lesson. I said: “Why do you do this to me?” Her reply was “what did I do to you?” My response was “you deliberately defied me.” She calmly asked, “how did I defy you?”</p>
<p>I could not believe that she didn&#8217;t get it when it seemed so obvious to me (the control freak). So I explained, “I sent you up here to clean your room and you deliberately defied me, why do you do that to me?” And then it happened.</p>
<p></span></span><span style="color: #800000;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><em><strong>She lowered to boom</strong></em></span></span></span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"></p>
<p>Her next words launched me into a giant ah-ha moment that changed my life. She said: “I didn&#8217;t do anything to YOU, I just didn&#8217;t clean my room!”</p>
<p>Wham, it hit me right between the eyes. I was such a control freak that when she didn&#8217;t clean her room I took it as a personal offense. My ego was in “take it personal mode,” as if everything that she said or did was somehow directed at me personally. I felt like a buffoon. How could I not see this, even when others had tried to point it out to me?</p>
<p></span></span><span style="color: #800000;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><em><strong>Let it go!</strong></em></span></span></span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"></p>
<p>I finally understood what my friend was talking about. It&#8217;s not just about letting go of the desire to micro manage those around us. It&#8217;s about letting go of the whole concept that makes us the central figure in our world. The ego wants to differentiate between “self” and everything else. This is a very limiting concept. On the other hand, it&#8217;s not about being completely selfless either.</p>
<p>We need to let go of the line of demarcation that wants us to see ourselves as exclusive from everything else. To grow is to expand. When we expand our identity to include everything else in the universe, we form a personal connection with all creation.</p>
<p></span></span><span style="color: #800000;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><em><strong>We become more, not less</strong></em></span></span></span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"></p>
<p>Letting go of a limited, self focused, take it personal ego unlocks many of our personal restraints and allows us to become much, much more. All of a sudden we understand how we fit into web of life. We see ourselves as part of the whole instead of an isolated entity. We don&#8217;t sacrifice our individual consciousness, we allow it to grow and encompass everything around us.</p>
<p>This is when </span></span><a href="http://advancedlifeskills.com/blog/stephen-mills-talks-openly-about-7-simple-steps/" target="_blank"><span style="color: #000000;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;">personal development</span></span></span></a><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"> expands into a whole new dimension. This is the vantage point from which everything looks different. As if we have climbed up out of the haze and caught our first glimpse of the big picture. When we embrace our surroundings we free ourselves from much of the struggle.</p>
<p></span></span><span style="color: #800000;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><em><strong>And the learning continues</strong></em></span></span></span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"></p>
<p>In the years that followed, I have often looked back on that day when my nine year old daughter helped me to see myself in a clearer light. Like many valuable lessons, there was some initial discomfort involved. But in the bigger picture, how insignificant that momentary discomfort was compared to the positive changes that resulted.</p>
<p></span></span><span style="color: #800000;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><em><strong>Have you had some memorable ah-ha moments?<br />
Have you ever learned a valuable lesson from a child?<br />
The lines are open!</strong></em></span></span></span><span style="color: #800000;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"> </span></span></span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"></p>
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