You might have been there before with your cute little one.  Someone asking innocently if it's a boy or a girl.  How about refusing to say whether it's a boy or a girl?  This is something some (weird) Swedish parents are doing.

The idea of this approach is great.  It's simply wanting a child to grow up without labels.  Without constantly giving girls or boys toys to the kids. 

 Är det en pojke eller flicka? Nej, den frågan om sitt barn Pop vill föräldrarna Nora och Jonas inte svara på. De vill ge sitt barn en så neutral uppväxt som möjligt där Pop ska slippa att bli bemött på ett visst sätt av omgivningen på grund av sitt kön.

– Det är taskigt att släppa ut sitt barn i världen med en lapp i ­pannan där det står rosa eller blå, säger Nora.

I'm on the parent council of my school and this is often discussed.  How do we let the kids grow up without always having girls playing with dolls and boys with cars. Or girls wearing pink and boys blue. I think the best way is talking about it and being aware of stereotypes which exist.  Those stereotypes are usually there without anyone thinking about them.

It's ironic that Swedish some Swedish parents are doing this.  Sweden is the most gender equal society in the world.  It's a place where mother almost equals father.  We've come a long way, things are not perfect but we're much further along than anyone else.

Is this a good way to raise kids?  Sounds weird to me.  I feeel like I can raise my kids with a mix of genders and still let others know if I have a boy or a girl.

Update: CarSeat.se now online! Rear facing and general car seat advice.  Online store with sales of most Swedish car seats which allow 55 lbs (25 kg) rear facing. I get tons of email from parents all over the world asking about the great Swedish car seats.  It's questions about the high 55 lbs (25 kg) weight limit, general technical questions, and many questions about how to keep kids safe in a vehicle. This might be boring for many but I find it rewarding.  There's something really special about helping to keep kids safe.

Not many know the best gift for a little toddler is to keep her in rear facing seat as long as possible.  Not until one or two years, preferably until 4 or 5. The Swedish researchers  know and therefore developed the rear facing 55 lbs Swedish car seats a long time ago.  There are skinny toddlers and stocky toddlers.  Not everyone needs a Swedish seat but it's amazing how many young toddlers I hear of who are over 30 or 35 lbs and therefore must be turned forward facing far earlier than desired.

A 12 month old child is 500% safer sitting rear facing in a vehicle compared to forward facing.  That's a very large number which save many lives each year.

One good reason for a 55 lbs Swedish car seat  is to protect small toddlers fragile neck muslces by keeping them rear facing longer.  Another one is the very easy install.  It's been called "moron proof" by more than one of my many customers.  Most seats fit virtually any vehicle without any special equipment. And safety benefits are as good in a Swedish car as in an American, Canadian, Australian, or German car.  Incorrectly installed caar seats are very common, the easy install helps parents to avoid dangerous mistakes.

Questions about the Swedish high weight rear facing car seats? You need a seat shipped to you?  Please send me an email at ad@adventuredad.com.  My extensive site about car seats, www.carseat.se will be up in a month or so.  

Stay safe!

A pill might making us forget about bad memories might soon be available. It's unknown years into the future, but bad memories with our kids are not.  How do you currently forget about the bad things you have done or said to your kids?  Crying, alcohol, depression, guilt or other ways?

I'm known as the ghostwhisperer among kids.  I have a tremendous patience and prefer to solve things diplomatically instead of just forcing things through.  But I also loose patience ever now and then and scream at my kids.  That's as far as it goes, never any physical violence. 

But screaming at my kids, and seeing them get sad, makes me feel like crap.  Especially at times when I know my aptiencas was lost too quickly.  Which makes me wonder what  parents do who abuse their kids on a daily basis.  Emotionally and physically.  How can they sleep at night?  How can they look into the eyes of their child and not want to hang themselves immediately?

The number of babies sharing bed with their parents have increased a lot during the past twenty years.  So have the amount of babies strangled and suffocated.  This is a heated subject which many parents can't discuss objectively.  Since dangers are apparent and many lives are saved, how come parents don't use a crib more often?

An article by NYT talks about the fourfold increase in rates of strangulation and suffocation:

The reasons bed sharing has increased are multifaceted. For some parents it is about bonding with their baby, and ease of breastfeeding; for some it is a periodic thing, because a child is sick or frightened, or because the parents just happen to fall asleep with the baby in their bed. It also seems to be cultural — the phenomenon is more prevalent among Asian and African-American households. And sometimes it is out of sheer necessity — the family can’t afford a crib.

You might remember the recommendation that a baby should sleep on the stomach.  Advice was changed in 1996, to sleeping on the back,  and the rate of S.ID.S plummeted.  But bed sharing apparently increased a lot since then.  For some reason most parents refuse to believe co-sleeping is less safe. 

I see no real problem with sharing a bed with an infant if it's done correctly.  Which is rarely the case.  Simple steps like removing fluffy pillows, using a firm mattress, removing heavy blankets, and not use a water bed.  Removing headboards and footboards, and moving the bed away from the wall is also a good idea to avoid a baby getting wedged in. Plus not going to bed piss drunk.

Not exactly rocket science, but parents often turn a blind eye to these simple precautions.  We've used a crib from day one for both our kids and it's worked very well.  Our kids have still spent many nights in our bed while being sick or having nightmares.  They are both always welcome to our bed but rarely come over.  But sharing a bed with kids also often means a crappy sex life with a partner which can destroy a relationship in the long run.

Lets see, much safer for my kids and also more sex.  Tough choice……:-)

We like to have people over for dinner and our crowd resembles United Nations. There's always a cool mix of people from all over the world.  We discovered the pleasure of having people over while living in New York and found no reason to stop after having children.  Children are almost always present but this weekend we and 6 other couples left our kids with babysitters and did something really cool.  We hired three chefs to come and cook for us in a great kitchen.  Mix strong Cosmopolitans with good food and a bunch of crazy Latins and you've got yourself some fun.

 Conversations are all over the place when so many nationalities are present but as most parents we usually end of discussing sex:-))  At our latest dinner we had Sweden, Germany, Spain, Mexico, Colombia, Venezuela, and Chile present.Funny thing is that Swedes are always the minority at our events despite us living in Sweden.  

At this party I learned that Fernando is banned from cooking after always making a mess, that Chile is the best functioning Latin country, that people really LOVE iPhone (myself included), that me and any infant still get along great, that cutting grass with a snowblower doesn't work well, and that talking about sex still bring the most laughs from us sex starved parents.

Our tri-lingual adventure continues and as the kids get older it just keeps getting more interesting. What became clear early on was to get ready for surprises, one never know at what pace children will pick up a new language (or three).  Our latest surprise was a huge boom in English language and also singing in all three languages  after the kids started watching the newly released Mamma Mia movie.  Our son has in the past two weeks started singing songs in all three languages, it started with English but then spread to Swedish and Spanish.  Our 2-year old daughter Annika language skills are also booming.  She can be heard in her room singing "Money, Money, Money" all the time.  First credit cards and now this…..

I've talked quite a bit about raising tri-lingual kids, it's completely natural for us to speak three languages at home and not something we think about.  When I occasionally reflect on this  I feel very happy, it's great that our kids are speaking three languages at such an early age.  I downloaded purchased Mamma Mia for Foxy Wife a couple of weeks ago and didn't even think of the kids.  Who would have thought they were such huge ABBA fans?

I don't know what it is about the movie but the kids loved it from the first moment.  We've watched it over and over again in the past two weeks.  What's interesting is how this movie led to such huge jump in language development for both kids.  My son was quite shy speaking English before and didn't like singing in any language.  Now he can't stop himself. 

Raising tri-lingual kids has meant plateaus and huge jumps, not steady development.  Our kids remain at  one level for a few months and then jump three levels from one day to another.  It's really cool and interesting to watch.  Our daugter, the most energetic toddler in the world, is perhaps most impressive.  Her lanugage skills are already great at two years, she speaks far more than most mono-lingual kids and is at least 6 months ahead of her big brother when he was the same age.

No only is she already a woeld canpion at saying "No!"but she also speaks non-stop throughout the day.  Poor boys, she's going to toy with them during the teenage years.

Europe is wondering what is wrong with Great Britain after 18 month old "Baby P" was physically abused by his own mother until he tragically died.  Normally I would not write about this kind of stuff. But this tragedy is over a year old, just became public, and is unlike anything I've ever heard of.   This case involve such unbelievable mismanagement by social services in Great Britain that one must ask, what the hell is wrong with the country??? 

Detecting child abuse can't always be easy.  Small children may fall down a  lot, like my daughter Annika, and have small bruises quite often.  But why social services in UK didn't take forceful action in this case will always be a mystery to me and everyone outside UK.  Iit shows some real problems with the country.  Child abuse is unfortunately not uncommon, documented child abuse of an 18 month old cute boy of this scale without forceful interference is unheard of.

A whole nation, and continent, is grieving and pissed off by the unimaginable abuse that was allowed to continue. But I must still ask, what is wrong with this country?  Allowing this to happen is a clear sign things are not working well.  Blame it on finances, moral standards, lack of interest, poor doctors, bad parents, shitty social system, or whatever.  It's a sign of a country going downhill in a rapid pace.

"Baby P" had a stunning 78 contacts with social services and hospitals during 18 months and still nothing was done.  He was used as a punching bag by his mother and two men involved.  He finally died after being punched so hard in the face a milk tooth came loose which he swallowed and then suffocated.  Without his mother doing a thing.  Stay short of GBP as long as you can, you will make a fortune.

Two days before Baby P , doctor saw him.  This fantastic doctor failed to notice Baby P had 8 broken ribs, a broken back, and was paralyzed from waist down. Don't you just love the great health care in UK?  How difficult would it be to notice injuries of this scale?

On 2 August 2007 police announced they were dropping an investigation into allegations of child abuse they had launched the previous December.

Baby P's mother was elated and told social workers she would go home to hug her son and bake cakes.

The next morning he was dead.

This does not happen in normal countries.  Parents may abuse their children but it's discovered about 65 visits before Baby P's death.  Worst thing of it all may be that no one has gotten fired.  What does it take to get fired in UK?  Does  doctors and social services not have any moral standards?  Obviously not. 

…but my son is working on it.  Since I'm married to a Mexican it's funny to see the difference in rhythm. Latins know how to move, it's a natural thing for them.  Swedes?  Not so much.  More like stiff, rigid, uncomfortable, and awkward looking. It's tough to say if my kids got any of that great Latin rhythm since they are quite young. I was encouraged the other day when my son suddenly started dancing in the middle of a park.  One of those moments when it's nice to have a SLR with great lenses.