Advertising for Love

Well at least he's honest

2011-06-02T13:25:00.000-04:00

Matrimonials had a bad reputation. All the critics thought it was only gold-diggers and scalawags, or people who were totally desperate, who would ever use such a crass and horrible means of trying to find a spouse. Now I argue, quite convincingly (if I do say so myself), that in reality many of the people who used these ads were normal men and women who just couldn't meet anyone any other way for whatever reason. While there were certainly scoundrels and desperate people and gold-diggers who used matrimonials (and some things never change), I think the majority had good intentions.

All that being said, I come across an ad like this, and I think, no wonder these ads got a lot of heat! But, as my title says, at least he's not beating around the bush.

A noble Frenchman, of title, connected with highest families in France, but without means, wishes to marry lady or widow with means; correspondence strictly confidential. Address C. 580 Herald Uptown office.

!!!!

You know, there's a part of me that thinks this might just be for real. I feel like if he was lying about being noble and connected to titled families, he would try to be all romantic and say he was in exile or couldn't meet the girl of his dreams in France so he came to the land of opportunity...or whatever. Then, theoretically, he could sweep some naive girl off her feet and then abscond with all her money. But he's not appealing to anyone's romantic side. He is making a business deal. You support me with your money, and I will make you a marchioness or a comptess (is that the feminine form of compte?). There's no talk of love here.

On the other hand, however, the barefaced mercenary tone might convince some women that he's being honest for the same reasons I think so, while in reality he's just got an accent and still plans to run away with her money. Clever!

Did people really do this? It certainly shows up in novels all the time. Both sides benefit, if they're willing to sacrifice marital happiness (but who knows, maybe they could be happy!). I suppose a woman whose family was nouveau-riche, and therefore snubbed by the old-money crowd, might consider this a way to get revenge. "You treat me like dirt? How are you going to feel when you have to call me Duchess?" Besides, even sympathetic characters in Jane Austen novels openly admitted to this kind of thing (I'm looking at you, Colonel Fitzwilliam), so it's not like this was unheard of or even entirely frowned upon.

So...I'm on the fence. I'd tentatively buy this...but maybe not.

©2011 Pam Epstein

Orphan preferred

2011-05-18T15:05:00.000-04:00

Why do all these men only want to marry orphans? Okay, one other guy. But I feel like I've seen this elsewhere. Anyway, one man or twenty men, it's weird and I want to know why.

An American gentleman, thirty years of age, wishes to form the acquaintance of some American lady (an orphan preferred), not less than 18 nor more than 24 years of age, with a view to matrimony. She must be of the highest respectability, prepossessing and genteel in appearance, of good education, accustomed to good society and of a loving disposition. Any lady answering the above can do so with the utmost confidence, as all communications will be strictly confidential, and letters returned when requested; for this means just what it says, nothing more and nothing less. Address for three days, giving real name and where can be seen (none others will be noticed), Knickerbocker, box 164 Herald office.

I call foul. None of this rings true to me. Here's what we know about the desired lady: she has no living parents, is very young, respectable, genteel, of good society, loving, and will give her real name and her address. Here's what we know about the advertiser: he's 30. Well, I guess at least he didn't say she must be wealthy to boot. However, just because he doesn't mention money doesn't mean he doesn't want it. It's actually somewhat clever, because by not saying you want a wealthy wife, people might be like, oh, he's not a gold digger, he must be sincere! But probably he's hoping some young, foolish, unprotected heiress will respond and he'll ignore everyone else. On the other hand, if you're hoping to seduce silly girls, this ad isn't really designed to draw them in. Knickerbocker, my friend, you're supposed to talk about how rich and loving and handsome you are if you want a romantic young miss to write you back. This ad is very no-nonsense. So, I dunno, maybe it is sincere? Maybe he's just kind of tactless and thoughtless and didn't really think through how this ad might come off?

But if sincere, why the preferred orphan? I hear-tell that sometimes in-laws can be a real nightmare, but are you really going to base your marriage choice on your concern that your wife's parents might be annoying and overbearing? Because otherwise I can't think of a single legitimate reason why you would "prefer" an orphan that isn't completely nefarious. I would imagine in the 19th century, an orphaned girl in her late teens or early twenties would be living pretty precariously and easily preyed upon, so it's hard for me not to be suspicious of Knickerbocker's motives here.

Speaking of that name, though, I was inspired to look up the origins of that word, which I amazingly never had done before, and I thought you'd like to know too! According to handy Wikipedia, Washington Irving wrote a book about New York City under the pseudonym Diedrich Knickerbocker, and ever since then it's been a term used to describe New Yorkers. Indeed, it's where the New York Knicks gets its name too. So now there's two things we know about Our Hero. He's 30 and he's a New Yorker. I'm still not sold.

©2011 Pam Epstein

Leaving a legacy

2011-05-09T12:55:00.000-04:00

I find this ad both charming and a little weird. There's something a little...romantic and even heroic, I guess...about what this man is trying to do, but I have to wonder what lady would take him up on this offer. See for yourself:

Matrimonial. - A young unmarried cavalry officer, who intends to serve his country till "this cruel war is over," desires, should he be slain during the war, to leave an heir to his name and inheritance. He therefore wishes to open correspondence with a view to matrimony with a patriotic young lady of intelligence, accomplishments, common sense, &c. Address K, Nineteenth New York cavalry, Manassas Junction, Va.

The quote in here, "this cruel war is over," is the title of a song of the same name, "When This Cruel War is Over", which apparently at one time the most popular song in America, possibly because it was sung by both Confederate and Union soldiers. In any event, there's so much I want to say about this!

First, I think it's funny that he says he's "unmarried." Yes, K, that should be fairly obvious given you're publishing an ad in a matrimonial column. But I suppose he just means he's a bachelor, not a widower. But I love how patriotic he is. Man, these Civil War soldiers were the best. He's not only saying he'll fight till the end of the war, but he's also saying that he knows he might die in the war and he's still determined to stay the course anyway. There's something so honorable about that to me. I know that there are people who still feel that way today, but here's the thing, this ad was published toward the end of 1863 by which time the casualties of war were unbelievably high. American soldiers were much, much, much more likely to die during this war than in any other conflict the country has ever been involved in. So when he's saying that, he and everyone else have to be aware that it's not just hyperbole. He really, truly has high odds of actually dying. Now, of course, soldiers were more likely to die of disease than being "slain," but you can't blame a guy who, if he's going to die, would rather die fighting the good fight then die of dysentery.

Anyway. It's also so fascinating to me the impulse to leave his name behind. That makes sense too. I think that's a desire many people still have today, though I doubt it's something anyone would articulate or think about consciously much. (But it is the reason why so many people name their sons after themselves, like the guy I knew in college whose name was followed by V!) I think especially a soldier who knows he might die wants to leave a piece of himself behind. Because you want to fight for your country, of course, which was what most Union soldiers wanted - but you also want to fight for something more tangible: your family. That's why this is so romantic and heroic to me.

But...on the other hand, I'm not sure how this would go over to women. They would probably see the romantic impulse too, and admire this soldier enormously, but I don't think many girls are going to think to themselves, I want to get married to someone who just wants me to have his kid. You want to marry for love, of course, even if you're the most patriotic woman in the world. I guess she has something to gain: respectability, avoiding being a spinster in an era when a lot of young men are dying, and if he really is going to leave an inheritance, that is some nice security. On the other hand, if he lives, which you would obviously want him to do, you want to make sure you spend the rest of your life with someone who you care about and who cares about you. I dunno - I'm sure there were plenty of women who responded, but they must have had at least some misgivings.

On a final note, however, the letters are addressed to "K." K? Don't you think there might be more than one soldier in the Nineteenth New York with the initial K in their name - since that could be first or last? There were at least a couple hundred men altogether, and although there were fewer cavalry officers, he doesn't actually specify that in the address, so the "K" could be anyone in the entire outfit! Right? I guess during mail call they'd just say, anyone expecting mail for "K"? But most soldiers did include their names in these ads so it seems odd to me.

Well, I hope he survived the war after all, but it's unfortunate that I'll never know if he managed to make his name immortal...

©2011 Pam Epstein

Dissed

2011-05-04T17:11:00.000-04:00

These are two funny missed connections that were from the same day. They both seem just a little out of the ordinary, in that in both cases there is a decided brush-off involved. See for yourselves:

Will the lady that the car stopped for in Greenwich avenue on Tuesday last, and then refused to ride, have the kindness to send her name, stating if a meeting can be had, to G.F., box 13 station A.

Arion Ball - The lady who so ceremoniously removed the rose bud from a gentleman's coat at the Arion ball will please return it, and no questions asked, to Rose, station D.

These are...interesting. Okay, so the first one I initially thought the car must be a streetcar, right? (As in a trolley.) But if the lady waved down the car, which she must have done if it stopped for her specifically, why would she then decide not to get on? Could it have been some guy in his own carriage who stopped and tried to offer her a ride? That seems highly unlikely in that day and age, unless of course he thought she was a prostitute, in which case it would make a great deal more sense. Still, I don't think anyone ever called carriages "cars," so I'm not satisfied with that explanation anyway. I wonder if she waved down a streetcar, and G.F. was grinning at her and she was like, forget that, I'll take the next one. In which case G.F. is a dense idiot. But it is the interpretation which I am leaning toward. After all, he wouldn't send a message if she hadn't seen him (or at least I assume not, because not a respectable woman in the world would ever respond to an ad from someone when she didn't know a thing about what he looked like), but maybe he was so stupid as not to realize that it was his lecherous grin that kept her from boarding the streetcar? I dunno, but I can't come up with any scenario in which this guy comes off well. Conclusion: G.F. is daft.

Now the second ad is even more intriguing. A lady "so ceremoniously" takes a rose from, er, "Rose's" lapel at a party. I can totally see that. She's all flirty and batting her eyelashes at him or something and then takes the rose with her eyebrows arched and a suggestive smile (it's weird how minutely I can describe this, isn't it?) and there's nothing he can really do about it, even if he wanted to, because he is a gentleman and you can't rebuke a woman publicly. But, how came she to take his rose out of his lapel? If she didn't know him, did she literally just walk up to a total stranger at a ball and grab his coat? That's...ballsy. That's ballsy even today. I hate to fall back on the same old explanation of her being a prostitute (could prostitutes even getting into a fancy dress ball? I guess why not, if she's a high-class one) but I can't fathom another explanation, because if she was some working-class girl who didn't observe Victorian middle-class propriety she wouldn't be able to afford to get into such a ball. Ooohhh, maybe it was some kind of ritual? Like, maybe the women got to go up to men they find attractive and take the flowers out of their lapels? Rare moment when women could shed rules of etiquette? Like a Sadie Hawkins dance but not? But then how were they supposed to find each other, because no one else was posting ads like this?

So, fine, somehow or other a complete stranger comes up to this guy and takes away his rose very ceremoniously. We don't know why. But then he posts an ad and...asks for it back, no questions asked? Um, really? What kind of rose was this? Was it made of gold? Because after a day or so a normal rose is going to wilt and then I guess unless he planned on pressing it between the pages of Romeo and Juliet in his Shakespeare folio, he's going to have to toss it anyway. Maybe his real girlfriend gave it to him and he's like, if I don't get that back, and she figures out that some other girl has it, she's not going to be so pleased.

I have a feeling I'm reading a much more complex story into this scenario than really existed. Maybe this was actually a code for a drug deal gone wrong. Or maybe "roses" it's like when people on Craigslist were soliciting for sex by asking for or offering so many "roses".

Whatever the case, this is definitely something I've never seen before!

©2011 Pam Epstein

Pretty women

2011-04-26T08:30:00.000-04:00

Well, hello there! I haven't written in quite some time! Can't believe how time flies. Well, despite the fact that I am teaching today and still haven't finished my lecture (please don't tell my students), I feel so bad about being so remiss that I'm putting up an entry anyway. So here are two missed connection ads that are from 1853! I didn't even realize till recently that they went so far back. Some things never change. (Except the clothes.)

The two young ladies who were walking in Broadway on Thursday morning, between Canal and Broome streets, one wearing a brown silk bonnet and fur cape, the other a black velvet hat, with a fur cape, dark dresses, will oblige an admirer by sending their address to L.L., Herald office.

If the lady dressed in a watered striped silk, black velvet mantilla, and white satin hat, with feathers, who attended Wallack's Lyceum on Thursday evening, 6th inst., and upon leaving took one of the Fourteenth street line of stages, at the same time bowing twice to a gentleman standing upon the sidewalk, will condescend to address a note to Randolph, Broadway Post Office, granting an interview, it will be the means of conferring a great deal of happiness upon one who would be pleased to make your acquaintance.

The first one I just find amusing because you have one guy addressing two women. I always wonder how that can end well, unless he has a friend he wants to introduce to them. But if not, how can this work out? Is he going to date them both and decide which girl he likes best? Because that seems like a recipe for disaster.

But it's the second one which I love. First, I always think it's awesome when guys are able to describe the woman's clothing in such intimate detail. Honestly I can't remember what I was wearing three days ago, much less someone else, and - not to stereotype or anything - I do think guys tend to be less observant about women's clothing. However, her outfit sounds especially stylish, especially the mantilla (women wore mantillas in the States back then? Weird).

Then the rest of the ad is super adorable. I like the part about "it will be the means of conferring a great deal of happiness." Aw. That's cute. I would like it if meeting me would confer a great deal of happiness. (I like to think it does, sometimes!) That being said, him following her out of the theater and watching her get on a 14th St streetcar is a little weird because Wallack's Theater (according the the amazing interwebs) is on Broadway and Broome, which is nowhere near 14th St. And maybe she bowed at you because you were freaking her out, Randolph. I don't know - maybe that particular street car went up Broadway and then turned on 14th, and it was one he was familiar with, so he knew where it was going? I'm going to assume that's the case and give him the benefit of the doubt, mostly just because if she did get onto a 14th St stage at 14th St, she walked pretty far to get there.

Well, my lecture awaits. This is the last week of classes, hooray! Two months off from teaching. I love teaching and all, but two months off is even better (if only I didn't have a second job, but a girl's got to pay the rent!).

©2011 Pam Epstein

Sign me up!

2011-04-15T19:19:00.000-04:00

Friends, I only wish I had this option today. Clearly I would no longer be single if I had someone like Madame Morrow to consult. Look at what she promises! This is for reals, guys.

Astonishing to all. - Madam Morrow, the seventh daughter, has a natural gift to tell past, present, and future events, and all the concerns of life, even the very thoughts, and will cause speedy marriage, and show the likenesses of the intended husbands and absent friends, and will bring together those who are separated, who will enjoy the greatest happiness of matrimonial bliss. All who wish good luck may call soon for relief and comfort. Thousands have expressed their belief that she is the most wonderful astrologist in the world, or that has ever been known, though she practices nothing but what is reconcilable to philosophers. No charge if not satisfied. 76 Broome street, between Cannon and Columbia. Gentlemen not admitted.

Side note: did anyone know that there is a Cannon Street in New York City? I sure didn't. I thought maybe it was a street that has had its name changed or was destroyed when they were razing tenements in the 1930s. But as it so happens, it is still there, right by the East River south of the Williamsburg Bridge. And I call myself a tour guide.

Anyways. The point is, I wish Madam Morrow was still around so she could bring about my speedy marriage, and even show me what my future husband is going to look like, and ensure that I will enjoy the greatest happiness of matrimonial bliss. And I'm sure she could have too, because thousands believe that she is the "most wonderful astrologist in the world." Wow. That is quite a claim! I think it's funny and kind of awesome that she won't have male clients. I hate to say it, but I think women were probably a lot more gullible about astrology than men, and I bet she knew if men came they wouldn't believe her and might even reveal the tricks of her trade.

In any event, ads like this were actually fairly common in matrimonial columns. And I think some of these people must have been fairly successful. Madam Morrow printed this ad for months that I know of, and it can't have been cheap. It's a good way to drum up business, of course, but she still had to have the money to afford it. I also wonder who her clientele was. The location was right in the midst of a growing German and Irish immigrant neighborhood that was not particularly wealthy, so she was practicing out of a tenement. Were middle-class women making their way to the Lower East Side to meet Madam Morrow? Somehow I doubt it, but I guess...maybe it would be an adventure, right? If anything I would expect that she'd be getting the daughters of immigrants coming to her for advice, but to be perfectly honest with you, I don't know how literate they would have been when this was published (early 1850s. I should totally know this but I don't). Or how much money they would have had to spend on astrologers.

Whoever they were, astrologers back then were clearly thriving. But that's not surprising, given the number of astrologers you still see today. Even on my own street I see signs for psychic readers. Hmm. Maybe I should visit one and see if she can find me a husband.

(I'm kidding y'all.)

©2011 Pam Epstein

For pity's sake

2011-04-13T10:20:00.000-04:00

These make me sad. But the second one, at least, makes me fascinated.

D - Any night but Wednesday; write at once; come this week; for God's sake, pity.

D.M. - Last delivery made, but no mail for Pennsylvania. Have you no mercy? A dreadful calamity is awaiting him. He wanders like a shipwreck, with no soul to stand by him. Write immediately that you will W. be early.

Juan - Utterly wretched; cannot rest; wait anxiously; send letter care Swed. Log., London; going there; give safe address to reply.

Jimme A.F. - I am broken hearted; write and let me know where you are. Katie F.

Wow. These are mostly pretty typical heartbroken ads, but that second one is awesome. I'll get back to that in a minute though. The other three, all from the same day, could practically have been written all by the same hand. There were a few, rare people who believed that these ads were all inventions of the newspaper editors as a way to ensnare a romance-loving audience. I don't think that's true, for a lot of reasons, one of which is that it would have been a full-time job coming up with clever new ideas every day, seven days a week, with as many as 10 or 15 ads each day. That's my own personal opinion; I also have some compelling evidence that backs me up. That being said, why are these so similar? This is one of the things that I found really intriguing as I worked on my dissertation (and funnily enough, by sheer coincidence, I was sort of talking about in my last entry). Were people modeling their ads on the ads of others that they saw? Or on romance novels? Was it a self-conscious decision to make themselves sound so tragic? Did people actually talk this way? I don't think they did. I think people 150 years ago talked pretty much like they do today, except maybe more politely.

Anyway. It's interesting to think about the possibility that despite the fact these people were miserable, they still wrote in a style that indicated an awareness of the romance of their affairs. And the knowledge that they were appearing in public must have made that even more clear.

And the second ad is a perfect example. "He wanders like a shipwreck, with no soul to stand by him." Oh, that is wonderful. Who are these people? Who is "he"? What dreadful calamity awaits him? What can D.M. do to save him? It sort of sounds like "he" and D.M. were together, but D.M. broke up with him, and now he's totally miserable. He can't live without her, he's directionless and alone, etc etc. But while that would make a lot of sense if "he" was writing the ad himself (because he'd be all overwrought and whatnot), it's bizarre coming from a third party. What does the writer have at stake here? Why is s/he so wrapped up in this affair that s/he draws on this shipwreck analogy? Parent? Sibling? Best friend? And the "dreadful calamity"; is that just, he's going to be even more depressed, or is something bad actually going to happen? Oooohh, the romance-thriller is shaping up in my head as I write...

©2011 Pam Epstein

A Matrimonial in Maryland

2011-04-04T15:27:00.000-04:00

My dissertation begins with the 1860s (actually 1850s a little) so I didn't spend much time doing research in the preceding decades. A girl has to start somewhere, and for a variety of reasons that aren't very interesting, this is where I chose to begin. So, every now and then, I like to look back at older ads to see if they were much different than ones from later decades and the answer, interestingly enough, is: not really.

Take this little gem from 1840:

Matrimony. -- The advertiser (lately arrived from the South,) being unconnected with society here, is induced to seek a matrimonial engagement through the medium of a public journal. As the advertiser is in earnest, so will he be brief in explaining his wishes - his age is 27, of good family, moderae income, musical, fond of literature, and considered by his acquaintance of engaging manners and appearance, early habits have induced moral rectitude and religious observance. Any lady possessing accomplishments calculated to render the advertiser happy by an union is sought for. Money is no farther an object than as it conduces to domestic happiness. All communications will be considered strictly confidential. Address F.T.W. office of the Sun. j18-2t*

It's not too surprising to me that this ad closely resembles ones from, say, 15 or even 20 years later. But what about 30 or 40 years later? For example, these two ads were printed in 1879 and 1880, and while the men themselves don't sound a whole lot alike, is there anything strikingly different in their use of language, style, etc, that reveals the 40 year gap? How much in the world has changed in this time! I just can't imagine that a personal from 1971 would really resemble a personal from today as much as these two ads resemble each other.

As for the ad itself, I really like F.T.W. He sounds charming. Everything about this ad just breathes sincerity. He's honest about his circumstances (moderate income) but not looking for a rich wife (not that he'd turn down a little extra cash if she has some). He's got an "engaging" personality and appearance, he's musical, he's literary, and he's moral. Granted, he seems slightly more concerned about whether or not his wife can make him happy than the other way around, but I guess that he describes his qualities implies that he recognizes that he must be able to satisfy his wife's needs as well. So I will give him the benefit of the doubt on this one. Hope you found what you were looking for, F.T.W.! I bet you made a really great husband.

©2011 Pam Epstein

Ha ha ha!

2011-03-28T10:28:00.001-04:00

That was my first reaction when I saw these two ads sitting right next to each other. Ha ha ha haha hahahah!! What's so funny, perhaps you ask? See for yourself:

A cultivated gentleman of 40, said to be of agreeable address, desires the acquaintance of an amiable little lady with a view to matrimony if mutually inclined. He has an income large enough to provide for a cosey home and to indulge in some luxuries outside, such as all the new plays and operas, with a pint of champagne and delicate lunch after. All answers strictly confidential. Address Sincerity, box 142 Herald office.

Booth's - Last Wednesday's matinee, gave programme to lady with red silk handkerchief. Send address to Wicked, Herald Uptown Branch office.

Say what?

These are both totally awesome. The first starts out pretty normal: agreeable, cultivated man wants a nice amiable wife whom he can support in relative comfort. In fact, his income is large enough to, yes, take her to the theater and buy her a champagne lunch afterward! I am bewildered and befuddled! Not that every girl doesn't want to be treated to the opera and a "delicate" champagne lunch now and then (just sayin') but that's sort of an odd thing to put in a matrimonial ad, don't you think? Aren't there slightly more important things in life to consider when you're looking for a spouse? I can't help wondering if this is some kind of code...like when you say you're going to take a girl out for a matinee and lunch what you really mean is: "I don't have any intention of getting married, I'm just looking for some girl for companionship and by 'plays and operas' I mean 'my bedroom.'" But even in the unlikely event that this is true, if it's a code, no one else is using it.

Maybe this is just his way of highlighting his own interests in life. He likes going to plays and operas, and he likes drinking some bubbly in the middle of the day. In other words, he's a fun-loving guy, and he wants a wife who also enjoys the good things in life. Fair 'nuff. I still think that's the sort of thing that should come up in a correspondence rather than a matrimonial, but whatever works for you, Sincerity. I'm sure it did prompt a lot of replies.

But really it's the second ad that rocks. Speaking of matinees! Ha! Wouldn't it be funny if this was the same guy. Seriously, though, yet again this starts out fairly typical. I've seen plenty of missed connections based in theaters and balls and so forth, which I'd link to if I felt motivated enough. However, the name he uses for his address. "Wicked"! Wicked!!! Is that fabulous or what?? I think his intentions are pretty clear. And I don't think he's looking for a wife. Oh man, this is great. I wonder if possibly the "Wicked" is a reference to something in the play? That would make some sense, as otherwise it seems almost too risqué. But even if so, it's still a pretty bold decision to make. After all, if there's a wicked, there's also got to be an angelic, and choosing to go with the former rather than the latter is a meaningful decision, right?

Wow. I wonder if she responded. And if so, what that led to...a champagne lunch, perhaps? "Plays and operas"? Heh.

©2011 Pam Epstein

At random

2011-03-26T16:49:00.000-04:00

A scroll of the mouse wheel landed on a day with several correspondences and missed connections that I found interesting so I'm posting them all today. Two of them don't have to do with love at all (or at least not romantic love, I assume), but sometimes the other personals can be just as, if not more, intriguing (like this old favorite).

"I Have It." - Will give $100. No more. They are of no use to you. S.

Will the lady who wrote an anonymous letter to Mr. Porter concerning a malady of the heart send her present address or any information concerning Mr. Porter to H.G., Herald office?

Mary Levins, now 21 years of age, fair complexion and light brown hair. She left her home, Grand street, Brooklyn, May 12, 1859, on an errand, and has not been heard from since. If alive it will be of advantage to communicate with her father, John Levins, care of S.B. Noble, Esq., No. 111 Nassau street, New York city.

The one of the two ladies who noticed the gentleman who followed them Saturday afternoon in Broadway and left them at Taylor's restaurant will oblige the same by conferring an interview. Address P.Q., Herald office.

Blackmail! Romance? Missing Person. Stalker! This...actually reads like a soap opera précis, doesn't it? I guess the personals really were daily soap operas, weren't they? This beats Page Six any day.

Well, let's see. The note addressed to "I Have It" is fairly straightforward. Someone is threatening to expose S. through some letters or other incriminating evidence that he's (or she's) done something bad. Cheated on the spouse? Stolen from the cash till? That I don't know. But despite what S. said, they must have been pretty valuable. $100 is no small sum. I mean, I put down $104 each month for the MTA's monthly Metrocard and it makes me shudder just thinking about it - and this ad is from 150 years ago. $100 was a lot of money back then! So I wonder what "it" was and how much "I Have It" was asking for in the first place.

The second ad, this I have a little more trouble interpreting. At first I took it literally and was like, why, if this woman had a heart problem, did she write anonymously? Shouldn't she have gone to a doctor? What can I say; I haven't been getting much sleep lately. But I think the more likely scenario is that the "malady" referred to is heartbreak. Interesting turn of phrase. I wonder if she said that in her letter, or if the advertiser was feeling poetic that day. And who is H.G. anyway? H.G. wants to know about Mr. Porter - not about the anonymous lady. Wondering if H.G. is Mr. Porter's wife. Mr. Porter has gone missing, she opened his mail and found the anonymous letter, and was desperate enough to find her husband that she chose to reach out to his mistress, presumably, in the hopes that the letter-writer might have a clue where Mr. Porter was. But that seems unlikely; if the mistress knew where he was, she wouldn't be writing letters to his house, and besides, I assume she's heartbroken because Mr. Porter has disappeared and stopped visiting her. So where did he run off to? Was there another mistress in the background with whom he's eloped? Scandalous!

The third ad is not a love ad, but it saddened me because it was written ten years after the day Mary disappeared. So went little Mary went out to run an errand, she would have been eleven! Every parent's worst nightmare. I don't even like to think about what they must have suffered. But now, ten years later, suddenly this ad! So strange! "If alive..." that seems unlikely, or if she is, I hate to ask how she's been living all this time. Normally I'd see an ad instructing the person to address a lawyer and assume that Mary's parents had died and she's going to gain some kind of inheritance. But apparently Mary's father is still alive. And what an odd way of putting it anyway. Not, Mary please come home, we miss you, all is forgiven, whatever. No, just "it will be of advantage." That is so formal - though I suppose if written by the lawyer, that would make sense. I don't know - it seems like a hopeless cause to me.

And finally, the stalker. Do these men pause for even a second to think about how their ads must look? P.Q., there is nothing - nothing - appealing about knowing that a man deliberately followed you down the street. It is creepy. Even if you are incredibly attractive, it is still creepy. Those women were probably heaving a big sigh of relief the moment you "left" them at the restaurant. Yikes.

So that's the lot for today. Now back to my real work!

©2011 Pam Epstein

A cool kinda related link

2011-03-21T09:53:00.000-04:00

A friend saw this and I thought it was too cool not to point out. Tomorrow is the 200th anniversary of New York City's famous grid plan! Perhaps no other document in NYC history has had such an effect on the city's growth and population.

And it does connect to my ads, at least the missed connection ads. And maybe the other ones too. Why? Well, the grid contributed to extremely rapid population movement north. The city was growing in population anyway, so there are more people, and they are more spread out, and therefore they are more disconnected from each other. It was this disconnect that helped the rise of personals.

As far as the missed connections go, well, so many of the ads refer to street corners like 8th Ave and 23rd St created by the grid. I think, for people actually reading the ads for entertainment, these precise locations would have made it easier to visualize the exact scenario of a chance encounter and that would make them more interesting. After all, when someone writes, I saw you on the corner of Ann St and Park Pl, that's hard to picture, because it's so friggin confusing in Lower Manhattan, and I'm down there all the time. But when someone writes, I saw you on the corner of 14th St and 6th Ave, well, that I can see perfectly. So, the grid provided orientation for these readers.

Also, as someone I met recently pointed out in a pretty great book, the newspaper columns that I write about so much mirrored the street layouts created by the grid, and I totally quoted a couple sentences from that discussion in my dissertation. Thanks, Dr. D!

On a totally unrelated note, I'm testing out a "related posts" widget. Right now it seems to be picking out all the same ads but supposedly it's supposed to improve as the widget somehow catalogs the blog? I dunno how these things work. Anyway, we'll see how that goes.

©2011 Pam Epstein

Lost girls

2011-03-20T09:28:00.000-04:00

The paper I gave at the conference this week was specifically about a particular type of advertisement from the turn of the twentieth century, so it seems appropriate that I should write a blog post about them too – especially as it’s been awhile since I’ve written about any of these, I think. So here are two I ran across this morning. Figured since I’m on a roll with blogging the last few days I should keep it up as long as I can…right?

Attractive brunette (29) desires meeting ideal companion; discreet, cultured gentleman of means. Matrimony, Herald.

B.B. – Will some middle aged gentleman assist financially refined, affectionate young lady (22); cosey home; lonesome; matrimony. Stranger, 216 Herald.

Hint: these young ladies weren’t expecting to get married. I mean, I’m sure if they met someone who wanted to marry them they wouldn’t say nay, but I doubt they really thought they’d be so lucky. But I’m sure you’re all smart enough to figure out what was going on: they were looking for a sugar daddy. (Not that they’d use that phrase back in the day.) Alternately, they may have been prostitutes…but I don’t think so. It doesn’t seem quite the way to go about soliciting clients. They’re angling for something quite specific.

It’s a little sad, honestly. In fact, it’s quite troubling just how many ads like this were in this newspaper every day. Who were these poor women? And I mean poor in both senses of the word: both financially and tragically. How did so many women get desperate that they felt they had no choice but to become mistresses of older, and quite probably married, men?

Well, the “how” isn’t such a very hard question to answer. As I’ve said before, of course, for single women to get jobs that paid well enough to live on in any kind of comfort was really hard. But on the other hand, how come so many women weren’t able to get married? I don’t think marriage should be the be-all, end-all of every woman’s life, but there were SO many women placing these ads. Why so many? How come so many women didn’t have families they could fall back on? Had they run away from home and been cast out by their parents? Whether or not they were really refined and attractive I don’t know, but if they were lying about that they probably couldn’t attract the kind of men they wanted to meet.

I think that some of these women must have been migrants from small towns who thought they could find a better life in the big city and were met instead with the dismal reality that this was often not the case. Maybe they weren’t willing to be domestic servants or factory workers, but becoming some married man’s mistress seems like a much less appealing option to me. Perhaps they’d live more comfortably as a mistress than as a factory worker, but still…not a great life option. And what happened when they got older and these men decided they wanted a younger, prettier companion?

I’ve mentioned it before, but anyone who’s read Sister Carrie should see this as a familiar story. I wonder if Theodore Dreiser saw these ads. He must have done. The book was written at about the same time they starting become more frequent. I wonder if, in any way, they might have inspired him. Carrie was never so calculating – which made her much more sympathetic (as well as annoyingly passive) – but her circumstances were certainly exactly the same.

©2011 Pam Epstein

In the Navy

2011-03-18T12:59:00.002-04:00

Did you know that this it is the sesquicentennial anniversary of the beginning of the Civil War? And can you pronounce "sesquicentennial"? Say that ten times fast. Yes, folks, it's been 150 years since the war began and it's just as fascinating a topic as ever, and it gives me an excuse to write more about some of my favorite advertisers ever: Civil War soldiers. Or anyway, one of them.

A young man, a gentleman, thoroughly educated, and holding the rank of [?] in the United States Navy, and who during this war has had but little opportunity to form the acquaintance of ladies, desires to open a correspondence with one who is well educated, refined and of good birth, with a view to matrimony. None need apply unless they are such, and perfectly sincere. If agreeable would prefer carte de visite of the lady who might feel disposed to answer this. Furthermore all communications will be treated with honorable [?]. Address Blake Thurston, U.S.N., Beaufort, N.C.

I hate it when I can't make out words. Anyone able to read those? The first one looks like "superior" but that doesn't make sense as an actual rank, so I don't think that's right. I find neverending fascination with these ads because I can only imagine what it must have been like for these lonely soldiers - or at least lonely for female companionship (well, respectable female companionship). All they want to do is go home and forget this horrible war and settle down with some nice little woman who'll drive all the images of death and destruction from their memories and...yeah. It makes me sad when I think about it. Blake sounds a little stiff but I always feel so much sympathy for these men who have no chance to cultivate acquaintances with women.

Of course, the lingering question I always have is, why didn't he meet any women in his hometown before he left? Obviously all my advertisers are people who haven't met anyone elsewhere, so it's not like this is unique. But the way it's written is like he never even tried to meet someone until he was in the navy. You know? Like he came out of nowhere. Or maybe...perhaps he was just out of college (highly educated), and of course there were no women in college at that time, except, I think, Oberlin (don't quote me on that). And then out of patriotic fervor enlisted, and then, as I said, got lonely.

Interesting though...I guess I never thought of this before but...if he's in North Carolina, how is he going to meet these women? He's advertising in a New York paper, but it had a national audience so that doesn't signify, but when I say "national" in 1862 I don't mean it was going down South (much). And he wouldn't want to meet women from North Carolina anyway because they're part of the rebellion. So, yeah, he doesn't say when he's mustering out - what if his term of service is another two years? Is he just going to correspond with women for that length of time? I think he would love that, but the women might get a little tired of waiting. Or not. Because a good patriotic Northerner would probably be willing to wait for a soldier fighting for the Union. I don't know. I'm totally rambling, probably due to lack of sleep. You wouldn't think it, but it is, in fact, possible to stay out late at academic conferences. Historians party too. (I wasn't partying. But I did have a later night than planned. I'm going to stop writing now.)

ETA: a friend pointed out that they're probably "supplier" and "usage."

©2011 Pam Epstein

Look lively!

2011-03-16T17:21:00.000-04:00

I'm currently on my way to Houston, TX for the OAH Annual Meeting (literally on my way, like, I just paid $10 for in-flight internet access. Just closing my eyes to the amount of money I'm spending today), and downloading a tv show to watch from iTunes is taking waaay longer than anticipated so I thought, why not blog? I tried to find an ad about someone wanting a wife who lived in Texas, or even somewhere out west, but no luck. I did, however, find these two ads which I thought were so cute that I stopped looking...

A gentleman of means and a lively disposition desires the acquaintance of a refined, short, affectionate young lady or widow, with a view to matrimony. Address A.D.E., Herald office.

Two widows, teeming with fun and mischief, wish to correspond with some gentlemen of undoubted position and refinement. Matrimony, if agreeable to both. Address Mrs. A Henry and Mrs. M. Morton, station D, Bible House.

Wow! Okay the first one is a little more typical. I might not have even bothered with it if it hadn't been adjacent to the second. But I do wonder what a man meant when he described himself as having a "lively disposition." Is he a late-night party animal? Or does he just mean he has a good sense of humor and likes to play charades, or whatever they did for fun back then. (Ha.) He sounds like a pretty cool guy, whatever the case.

But I am much, much more intrigued by the second ad. Two widows teeming with fun and mischief? The mind, it boggles. Since this ad was published less than two years after the end of the Civil War, it's reasonable to assume that these women's husbands died in the war - although obviously that may not be true. But it seems likely...the war certainly did create a whole lot of widows. Doesn't it seem horribly callous to describe yourselves as widows teeming with fun and mischief? Hi, my husband died, but I wanna party!! Yeah!!

But that's not too fair. After all, their husbands could have died 10 years before...but they are still widows, and I suspect in that time it would have been grossly misleading not to state upfront that you had been previously married (that is, not a virgin). And perhaps the kind of men women teeming with fun and mischief would like to meet would be more interested in women with some experience, if you know what I mean. Although I think by the "matrimony, if agreeable to both" the widows just mean, "we want to get married if we meet men we like," but I can't help thinking there might be an undertone there of, "let's hang out, and we'll get married if we feel like it, but we don't have to." Doesn't that seem to be a possible subtext?

And I also have to wonder what they have in mind when they say they're teeming - teeming - with fun and mischief! A lively disposition is one thing. But what kind of mischief are these young widows getting themselves into? I guess printing a matrimonial ad at all would have been mischievous enough...certainly it would have been deeply frowned upon. I wonder if the gentleman and these two widows ever contacted each other? What happened if both women liked him? Or they were in some kind of Midsummer's triangle: the first widow liked him and the second didn't, but he liked the second. Oh the drama that would ensue!

I would love to have seen some of the letters these women received, because they must have gotten dozens and dozens. Whether they intended it or not, this ad is pretty suggestive and I'll bet they got some letters from men who weren't quite as refined as they were expecting. But I guess I'll never know...

As an aside, I wondered if anything could be read into their names - like were Mrs. A. Henry and Mrs. M. Morton really codes for something else, not uncommon in these ads. What I came up with was Henry Morton Stanley, of "Dr. Livingstone, I presume" fame, but he didn't become famous until after this ad was written. Hmm.

©2011 Pam Epstein

Gone dancing

2011-03-12T16:00:00.001-05:00

I went to something of a ball last night at The Salon, where there were lots of beautiful people dressed to the nines and dancing the night away - so it seemed fully appropriate to put up some missed connection ads from people who were in my shoes over 100 years ago.

Also, to the photographer who kept looking up at me when I was on the balcony and then totally disappeared when I came downstairs to swing dance with the Harlem Renaissance Orchestra: this one's for you. (How meta.)

Arion Ball. - Will the tall lady dressed in black, who received her mask from a gentleman after supper, at the Academy of Music, oblige an admirer by sending her address to Arion, Herald office?

Arion Ball. - Beautiful eyes, teeth no dentist can improve, who noticed one of the two gents in adjoining box about 3 A.M., wore plaid shawl on leaving Academy; is it possible for the gent to make your acquaintance? If agreeable please describe dress to avoid mistakes and address, in confidence, William Cromwell, box 171 Herald office.

Arion Ball - Will the lady who wore cherry evening dress with white over (and who received marked attention from Rufus H.), communicate with an admirer of her dancing? Address F.M., Herald office.

Aw, I love these. I can totally picture this, can't you? It probably looked a little bit like this picture.

I was almost, but not quite, there myself. Can't you see the lady in the cherry evening dress waltzing across the floor like she was floating on air while all eyes are upon her in envy? And the woman with the dazzling teeth! She must have been smiling with delight as she watched the dancers from her box (perhaps with passed hors d'oeuvres periodically going by?). I admit, I was home by 2am and I was beat - I can't imagine still being out at 3 in the morning. These people were real party-goers!

And masks! That must have created such an air of mystery! This painting by Monet is from only three years after these ads were placed, so you never know, it really might have looked something like this - although there are an awful lot of men in that room and not so many women (no cherry dresses either).

Actually all these ads about masked balls make me think of that scene in Labyrinth which I can't find any good pictures of, but that's another story.

Anyway, missed connections from balls are my favorites because the ones from men to women they saw on the street or in coaches often seem a little tawdry and stalker-ish (though NOT always by any means), but these are so cool because these dances were such rich, opulent affairs full of allure and romance. Maybe still just a little bit true today...

©2011 Pam Epstein

More heartbreak

2011-03-06T17:24:00.000-05:00

Perfect for a rainy day in Brooklyn today. Seriously, these are sooo depressing. They're almost enough to make you think, you know, there are worse things than being single. Like being in a completely doomed and wretched relationship!

D.M. - I admit error, for which I am suffering now bitterly; forgive me, baby, and allow your papa to see you Monday early.

Why this cruel deception? What of Barda's bill? Lease expires in March. Instruct me, [??], your broken-hearted wife.

C. - Have not returned to interfere with or trouble you, as you seem to infer; am but obeying the commands of another; too miserably unhappy to trouble others. L*****G.

Wow. Well I feel rotten now. These just run the spectrum of bad to worse. First couple is in a terrible falling out, second couple is going through an unpleasant separation, and third couple is no longer a couple. What a sad group of souls!

Now, as for the first, I'm actually not certain this is an actual couple. If it was, like, 50 years later I'd think that the whole "baby" and "papa" monikers would definitely be between lovers. But did they use those words in that way in the nineteenth century? I suppose it's entirely possible that this ad is actually from a father to his daughter (presumably). But the tone doesn't work, does it? I just don't know when people began using "baby" as a way to address their significant others. Same goes for "papa," which, kind of like "daddy" is something I thought was the product of the 1920s, which this ad far precedes. But maybe not. If the ads was between a couple, then I find that pretty fascinating! You have to wonder about the socioeconomic background of these two, if they're a couple. Definitely a very "low brow" form of address. Interesting.

As for the second, I unfortunately couldn't make out a few of the words. I think they might just be the woman's name? This one is actually the saddest of the lot for me. The husband has deserted his wife after telling her he was running out to buy a pack of cigarettes (or whatever excuse they might have used back then) and left her with no income. She's in their apartment with the bills piling up: the rent is due, the grocer is demanding payment, and any second now when the lease is up she's going to get kicked out. She has no way of finding her husband other than the personals. That is...really sad. Even more sadly, also not uncommon. Desertion was such a problem for women that it is one the main reasons many states created more lax divorce laws (and even in the most restrictive states, like New York, the only accepted reasons for divorce were desertion, abuse, and adultery). Because of course if your husband disappears with the only income, you're pretty screwed. Can't support yourself, but can't remarry. Poor thing. Hope she wasn't evicted.

And the last is, wow, kind of passive-aggressive, don't you think? But L*****G seems to have it pretty bad (and that ain't good). C and L*****G broke up, and L*****G moved away, but then had to come back to the city under orders. I wonder whose orders? Was it for a job? Clearly whoever was giving the orders was not a very nice person to be associated with. When you're talking about "obeying the commands" of someone else, I can guarantee that someone else is not pleasant. No wonder L*****G is so unhappy! Still heartbroken after the breakup with C, and now forced to go into the city where C lives, and on top of everything else, C is being all bitchy like, you're not going to win me back. Thus the personal. So sad!

Who knew such depressing stuff was going on behind the curtains of serene Victorian relationships!

©2011 Pam Epstein

Desires a WIFE

2011-02-25T10:00:00.000-05:00

Hey, look, it's been a week and a half since I've posted! How did that happen? Man time flies.

Anyway, ran across these two ads in a newspaper I don't use much, under the "To It May Concern" heading. First time I've ever seen matrimonials in anything other than their own dedicated column or in the personals. For what that's worth. Interestingly, the paper's owner thought of his paper as a cut above, morally speaking, the rest of the papers of the day and it's funny to see the ads that everyone was condemning as immoral and wicked appearing in his paper. I guess revenue beats morals every time! But maybe that's the reason these two guys chose to advertise here rather than the more common venue.

A young man of unquestionable character wishes to get a WIFE, and not finding any one of his acquaintance desirable, he takes this method. She must be young, pretty, accomplished, and not over 25 years of age. Address Harry W., Broadway Post Office, N.Y.

Matrimonial. - A Gentleman of unquestionable character, thirty-two years of age and doing a fine mechanical business a few miles from New Haven, the care of which has kept him from society, desires a WIFE, and wishes to correspond to any lady not over twenty five who thinks favorably of his situation. References will be given and required. Address Joshua, Box 2,014, New-Haven, Conn.

How cute is it that the ads capitalize "WIFE"? I generally tend to ignore all-caps when I'm transcribing ads because it's just a convention of the paper - many papers always capitalize the first line and the names of the advertisers. I don't think the advertisers do that themselves, or if they do, it's because it's the standard form. But in a case like this, the capitalization is quite deliberate. On the one hand, it seems weird that the paper would take the liberty of doing this, but on the other, how likely is it that two different men would do this on the same day?

I just think it's pretty funny. Like, you need to clarify that it's a wife you want. Not a mistress. Not a housekeeper. A WIFE, dammit. Just in case there was any confusion! Ha! But both these guys seem nice. I like them. No mention of money - other than Joshua saying his business is successful, but there's nothing wrong with that. More importantly, no insistence that the lady have money. It always bugs me when a 32 year old man says he doesn't want to marry anyone older than 25...but to be fair, women were believed to be "too old" to have kids once they hit their late twenties so if he wanted children, he might be taking that into consideration. And age gaps were definitely more common at this time. So I will withhold judgment. (I'm not saying I am opposed to any significant age gap in couples per se, it's just when it's a requirement that a wife be much younger that I get annoyed.)

I wonder what Joshua's "mechanical" business was. I know that in the 19th century a career in "mechanics" meant something slightly different than it does today...I think it was more like engineering is today. But if that was true, then what was his shop? Maybe he sold mechanical goods - plows and, um, I can't think of any other widely-used, noncommercial, mechanical devices in the 19th century just now. I should really know this given several of my most recent lectures in my classes have been about technological inventions of the industrial era (which this was) that would have been sold to everyday people.

Tangent! Speaking of my classes, I've got some lectures to work on. Over and out!

©2011 Pam Epstein

Still not happy

2011-02-16T21:33:00.000-05:00

I can't help it; I like the depressing ones best. Does that make me a bad person? It's not that they're so funny, exactly; I mean, they are sort of, but they are definitely more interesting. (Plus, they are way easier to find.) So here are a few, all from the same day. So many broken hearts!

D*****G. - Palese write or communicate through honorable person, Monday, or otherwise I bid you goodby. B**H.

Juan, forgive. Cruel pride. Love money more than her. Utterly miserable. Pity's sake courage. Read Herald 20th September. Yours.

Viola - Send nothing; will never try to communicate; the past is sacred; goodby.

Warts - Don't you know I am your true friend? Please write. Sn'ks.

Oh man, these are all awesome for so many reasons. Did people really talk like this? That's what I wonder. When they were actually talking to each other, did they use this kind of language? I think not. Yet here they do - right out in public - they use this stylized language. It's fascinating. I could write a whole dissertation discussing why I think they did...oh wait, I already did!! Anyways.

First off, poor B**H. Trying to write this martyred ad and the typesetter totally screws it up and misspells "please." I'd have been sooo mad! I mean, it really ruins the mood when you read "palese"; talk about comic relief. I'll bet D*****G (who was clearly over this relationship) saw this and was like, "man, that sucks. 'Cause otherwise I might have felt really sorry for B**H but honestly now I just feel like laughing." O, cruel world!

And speaking of cruelty, I wonder if it's Juan or "Yours" whose pride is cruel? On the one hand, I could imagine Yours is saying her (arbitrary gender designation!) pride is cruel and it made her do something mean and please forgive. Or she's saying to Juan that his pride is cruel and he needs to get over it and forgive her for saying something foolish. If the latter, Juan sounds kind of like a jerk. But! What is this "Love money more than her"? WTF? Who says that? There is nothing redeeming in this. Juan loves money more than "her"? Is this like, Juan is married to someone but having an affair with Yours, but can't leave his wife because he hasn't got any money, and Yours was like, "you do love her and not me!" And now she's apologizing and being like, "I know you're only with her because you love her money; baby it's okay?" Cause...that doesn't work for me at all. Juan sounds dreadful, and Yours sounds desperate in this scenario. Unless Yours loves money more than "her"? Which is equally bad? And all this followed by "Pity's sake courage." Okay, Yours, I think you need to learn the usefulness of punctuation marks. Maybe it's a code. Maybe I should go look up the Herald of September 20...but I probably won't. Lazy!

So next up is another martyr. Does behaving this way ever work, really? Viola's probably rolling her eyes somewhere thinking, "Thank God I ditched this loser because I don't need a great big drama queen in my life. At least he's promised not to communicate!" And then she goes off and burns the letters he wrote that she offered to send back, because what's she going to do with them, anyway? Not cry her eyes out, that's for sure.

Finally, "Warts" and "Sn'ks." Warts. Someone who called me "Warts" would not be my "true friend," let's just get that straight. What a horrible nickname! I thought Hair Dye and Eyebrows was bad, but this definitely takes the cake. If that's meant to be romantic, it's falling flat.

Okay, see, the sad ones are entertaining. I'm a mean person. But honestly I wish them all the best and hope they all lived happily ever after. For the record, I don't laugh at living people's misery. Or really anybody's misery. I feel sorry for them - I do. But when they write like this I feel like they know they're being dramatic, and they secretly like coming off as these tragic heroes or heroines, and therefore I get to poke fun at them.

©2011 Pam Epstein

Me on WHYY

2011-02-14T15:57:00.001-05:00

Here's the link as promised for the interview that aired today on WHYY in Philadelphia. Looks good to me!

©2011 Pam Epstein

Happy Valentine's Day!

2011-02-14T09:27:00.001-05:00

Well, I have no op-ed in the New York Times today, but I will be airing on the radio station WHYY in Philadelphia at some point during the day. I actually forgot to ask what time! But there will be a link on their website and once I have it I'll let you know.

In any event, I couldn't find any Valentine's Day ads specific ads that I liked well enough to share, and I wanted to try and find something that was actually cheerful. You would be amazed just how many heartbreakingly sad personals can appear in one day. But I did find this one, not quite on Valentine's Day, but close enough that I'm using it anyway.

De Persia - Your sensible, sweet, repairing letter has filled the vacancy in my solitude. It is impossible to forget you for a moment. How much I would like to see you beside me forever! Always yours. Study much. Do not doubt my love for my life. Persia.

You see, even my attempt to find a happy ad wasn't entirely successful; these two are apparently separated. But they don't seem downright miserable. In any event, maybe De Persia is just off at school and as soon as she gets back (De Persia is a woman, I've decided), these two will be reunited? I do find it kind of funny that Persia writes: "Do not doubt my love for my life." Presumably he means that De Persia is "my life," but it does come off sounding like he just loves his actual, literal life. Which is, in and of itself, a good thing...but kind of an odd thing to say to someone you're in love with - you know? Also a bit of a non sequitur. Unless, in his loneliness and solitude, Persia gave some hints of suicidal tendencies, and De Persia's "sensible" and "repairing" letter was written to cheer him up. So he's saying, I do love my life and I'm not going to kill myself.

Wow, whole new meaning. So, my "happy" romantic ad is, in fact, between two people who are separated indefinitely and one is really depressed. That didn't work out so well, did it? Unfortunately I've got a super busy day ahead and no time to find a better, more appropriate ad. Maybe I'll come up with something more appropriate (albeit late) for my next post.

Oh well, this isn't exactly my favorite holiday anyway.

Happy Singles Awareness Day (aka S.A.D.)!

©2011 Pam Epstein

Jack and Joe

2011-02-13T16:55:00.001-05:00

I was searching for some good ads to write about tomorrow, and while online ran across these. Wow, do I ever wish I'd found this pair when I was working on my dissertation (book? Maybe? One day?). What an awesome find!!!

Jack - Darling, my life is yours. The die is cast. Have left and given up all. Joe.

Joe - Though separated still one in soul; my every heart's throb is yours; don't despair; the time of our probation is nearly o'er, when you will have your heart's desire. Your own Jack

Oh, people, how fantastic are these on so many levels? First off, I have long believed that personal correspondences must have also been used by gay couples; it makes such perfect sense as a way for people involved in forbidden relationships to communicate anonymously, and besides, why not? But half the time - probably most of the time - the advertisers used pseudonyms, so knowing the sex is impossible. As a straight woman, I tend to assume that correspondences are between men and women, but I have never believed that that is always true.

However, to find a pair of ads in which both advertisers are using men's names...now that does not happen too often. Er, well, ever. Yes, of course, "Joe" could be short of Josephine, or "Jack" could be short for Jacqueline...or they could just be pseudonyms for Myrtle and Bob (or Myrtle and Kate). I know that. But I would rather take these at face value and believe this gorgeous romance is, in fact, between two men who actually found a venue where they could express their love freely without fear of social censure or exposure.

And what a story! Look at Joe! "The die is cast. Have left and given up all." !!!!! Wow! Joe, up till now respectable, successful, but in a miserable marriage is up and leaving everything behind to be with Jack. Okay, yes, that sucks for his wife. But look how much in love they are! Can you blame him, really? And Jack: "Though separated still one in soul; my every heart's throb is yours." That is beautiful! I feel a little weepy. Sigh.

But what did they do? Where did they go? Did they pretend to be Holmes and Watson-esque flatmates? Did they find a place where they could live together openly? Was there anyplace like that in the 1880s in the world? I have no idea. Clearly, they had a plan - or they didn't care and decided to throw caution to the wind in order to be together. Whatever the case, man, I hope they surmounted those obstacles and were able to make it work. What a lovely story that would be...sigh...if only I knew!

©2011 Pam Epstein

I got picked up!

2011-02-09T17:17:00.001-05:00

Not by a man. Even better: with a press release! Check it out at the Council on Contemporary Families.

©2011 Pam Epstein

Sweet, saucy, and a little scary

2011-02-08T22:18:00.002-05:00

I realized it's been some time since I've posted...well, anything really...but in particular, I've neglected those 'round the town pick-ups that are so amusing and funny. So here are a few, which run the gamut from sorta charming to a just a bit frightening...

Will the young lady who took stage up Broadway on Thursday to Bleecker street, and who dropped green covered book in the mud while entering the stage at Liberty street, send her address to the gentleman who picked it up for her and oblige? Address W.X.F. box 91 Brooklyn Post office

See, that's kind of cute, right? I can see it now. A young man is walking by a stagecoach when a book falls to the ground at his feet. He picks it up, looks up to hand it back to its owner, only to see that lo, and behold! the owner is in fact a beautiful young lady who is filled with gratitude. He hastily uses his own coat to wipe off the mud lest she get any dirt on her pretty lace gloves before handing it back to her. Their eyes meet - and it's love at first sight! But alas! She is already on the stage and it is driving away! What can our hero do but place an ad in the Personals in the hopes of yet again meeting this lovely but elusive damsel in distress? How romantic!

Minnie - "You wished me to call you friend." From Broadway to Second avenue and back to University street cars. Write again, same address; you have the card. J * *

Now this, see, is a little more flirty. Oh, I can just see Minnie and J * * riding back and forth on the street cars together. They're both young working-class kids (I might be totally hallucinating here, but I am pretty sure that stagecoaches were slightly more expensive and therefore more geared towards the middle class, while street cars were cheaper...but a quick Google search doesn't back me up and I'm too lazy to do any research at the moment), with time to kill and nowhere to go. After all, it's winter, so no one wants to be outside, they don't want to hang out under their parents noses or with their siblings around, and Minnie is too respectable to go into a saloon. Thus, they ride the street cars. Did the kids get their kicks this way back then, you ask? Answer: no clue. I just made that up, but sure, it would make sense. Anyway, Minnie is a good girl, but let's face it, a bit of a tease, and she's all: "No no, we're just friends," when really she's totally making eyes at him and letting a little ankle show. But, J * * is willing to play along, thus the personal. Love it.

Will the lady who walked through Twenty-eighth street on Saturday morning, about 10 o'clock, and went into a house a few doors below Twenty-eight street in Third avenue, and there looked out of the third story window, allow the gentleman who followed her, and who noticed her at the door and at the window, to make her acquaintance? He is anxious to do so, and will keep any communications confidentially. Address S. Cass, Herald office.

Yikes!!! How could this guy write this ad and not realize how creepy this is? Let's get this straight: you followed a lady down 28th St to her door and waited outside while she walked up to the third floor and then looked out the window to see if the scary stalker dude was still following her and you don't think this is weird? Really, S. Cass? Jeez, this poor lady. Some guy follows her to her house and then chills outside? How long did he wait? Did she go upstairs and look out the window right away? And if she hadn't, would he have stayed indefinitely? You know how I would feel if even the nicest- and friendliest-looking guy on the planet followed me home and then loitered outside my window? Freaked out, that is how I would feel! Dang! If he was sincere he needs to brush up on his social skills and read a self-help book about how to relate to women or something because this? Is not the way. I hope he left her alone after that!

Romance, flirtations, and creepy stalkers. All in a day's work for me.

©2011 Pam Epstein

A random matrimonial

2011-02-04T17:59:00.001-05:00

I spun my mouse wheel and double-clicked on the first ad I saw and this was what I found. Not such bad luck for spin-the-bottle (as it were). I can't read all of it because the left side's been cut off, but I can make some good educated guesses:

[?] - A gentleman of refinement, education, and high toned honor, belonging to an excellent family, a stranger in this part of the world, would be happy to begin a confidential correspondence with a well bred and accomplished young lady, 18 or 20 years old, of find personal appearance and beautiful face, and occupying a good position in the best circles of society, with a view to matrimony. Good and satisfactory reasons can be given for this address to the ladies of New York; and he hopes that the honest impulses of his heart will inspire confidence in his honor and elicit proper responses from sincere parties. Address [?] Van Berg, New York city Post office.

I made up a few words there; might be a little off but I'm sure close enough to his intent. In any event, I can't figure out what to make of this ad. On the one hand, it seems sincere, but on the other there's something just a little off about it to me. What is with this "high toned honor"? That's odd. I mean, I can imagine what it's supposed to mean, but it's a phrase I've never encountered before. However, when I think about it, I suspect English probably isn't his first language, which would explain why it doesn't feel quite right...like the "honest impulses of his heart"; that's another funny turn of phrase. But he says he's a stranger in this part of the world, and his last name is Van Berg, which makes me wonder if he's German...or Austrian?

All that aside, I tend toward believing this guy, because although he wants to meet a woman who moves in the best circles of society, he doesn't say anything about wealth. Granted, someone who occupies a good social position might be presumed to be financially stable at the very least, but not mentioning money is always a good sign to me. And he also doesn't make any promises about his own wealth, another good sign, because a swindler would probably try to draw women in by proclaiming how successful and rich he was, or at least that's what I figure.

It does make me think of this essay I read from the 19th century about upper-class New Yorkers and their obsession with European nobility. There's just a hint in here that he's got some mysterious past - that he's leaving something out - because he can give satisfactory reasons for his decision to address the "ladies of New York" this way. The article said that all a con man had to do was pretend to be an aristocrat, and all the social-climbing New Yorkers would fall all over themselves to win his friendship and throw their daughters at him in the hopes of giving her a title. But there's really nothing here that indicates he's trying to do that...just a feeling I get.

I don't know - there is just something here that doesn't add up, but maybe I'm just imagining things. You know, for a change! What do you all think?

©2011 Pam Epstein

Wintry mix

2011-01-26T15:07:00.002-05:00

Anyway, that's what the weather is right now in New York, so appropriate enough for the random ads I've got today.

Well the last two weeks have been mad busy...I didn't even realize how long it's been since I'd last posted. Hopefully things'll calm down and (as I've been saying for the last, I don't know, three or four months now) I can get more consistent.

Anyway, I couldn't really find any ads that got me all excited but I ran across a few from the same day that I found kind of amusing or intriguing. And so I'm sharing them with you!

Arabia. - "Sulphuret oil of roses." Is it "Gold?" Ada

Lost - Saturday, 5 P.M., Broadway car, up; lady with beaded sacque and sore lips. Address gentleman (with lady), who got out at 42d st., with bundle; state circumstances. Cicero, box 188 Uptown Herald office.

Wall street stage, Monday afternon. - Going up; check body and overdress, black velvet sleeves and underskirt, round silver knob on parasol handle, tiny red leather bag, smiled when I got out with my friend. May I know you? Address H.L.M., Herald office.

What a funny mix! The first two in particular are very strange. I could swear I'd actually written about the one from Ada to Arabia before, but a search of my own blog comes up empty so I guess not. I tried to figure out what sulpheret oil of roses might be, and although I didn't come up with anything definite, my closest guess is that Arabia should treat the oil of roses with sulfur, which makes basically no sense whatsoever. Maybe it's a type of perfume? OR - oooh, I know! - it's an attempt at alchemy! Yes, yes, that's it. Ada and Arabia are engaged in an attempt to covert lead into gold ("is it 'Gold?'" Geddit?) and they think that mixing sulfur with rose oil and treating lead with the resulting compound might just do the trick! I'm certain this must be the right interpretation. Don't you agree?

Now the second ad...interesting. It reads like a missed connection but starts with "Lost," which is confusing. For one thing, there is a "Lost and Found" classified column so if something really had been lost, it would make more sense to put an ad there - plus, "Cicero" never actually says what, if anything, was lost. But on the other hand, why is a man in the company of another lady trying to contact a woman he met on an uptown Broadway car? But the real item that caught my (and I'm sure your) eye was the "sore lips." Sore lips?! Is that really what it says? Actually, you know what, I just solved my own mystery. I thought this must be some kind of weird code or something, but it's much more simple. Note the misspelling in the following ad, which says "afternon" instead of "afternoon." Yes, the typesetter that morning was either hungover or new. That was supposed to be "rose lips." HA HA HA HA HA! I'll bet "Cicero" was furious. I think he deserved it though; propositioning a woman you meet while in the company of another woman is quite low. So there. Justice wins again.

The following ad is more typical. But it makes me laugh because of the in-depth description of the woman's outfit. I wonder if he took notes to remember all those details? This was a pretty elaborate costume this lady was wearing. I've found a picture of what the outfit might have looked like, but imagine a checkered top under the overdress (also, this picture is about 20 years later, so the skirt would have been much fuller). Seriously, not only does he describe the dress in detail, but also the tiny red leather bag and even the silver knob on her parasol (and how awesome is it that this picture has a parasol in it? Total coincidence). That being said, I kind of like this guy. Don't know why - I just like the tone of his ad.

Wow, it's taken me an hour to write this what with my hunt for a good picture of an overdress (since my attempt to describe one failed) so I'll stop here. New post soon...I hope.

©2011 Pam Epstein