an englishman in osaka

long-lasting liza

2009-11-08T23:30:00.004+09:00

The recession continues to bite in Japan - take a little stroll around any 'hood and you'll likely see a fair few empty premises.

However, it's good to see that Liza is planning to stick around for a while...

You can always count on Liza.

spreading the word

2009-11-01T21:45:00.003+09:00

Apparently, like Eminem, Christianity is not big in Japan.

This is not altogether surprising as they already have their hands full with two other religions, Shintoism and Buddhism.

Having said that, there are roughly a million Christians in total here - though in a country the size of Japan, it's not a lot. But if it was a country the size of Barbados, it would be. But it's not.

Walk around any neighbourhood and you'll find plenty of churches, but in many cases the pews will be empty.

It appears that it's all down to the advertising methods being employed by the Christian Association of Japan. Sticking a few TVs in a wall and running God-related ads around the clock just isn't cutting it.

Let's be honest, corrugated iron never looks good, no matter what colour you paint it.

It's something of a surprise that there aren't more Christians here, as according to the people of Shingo in northern Japan, Jesus is buried in their village.

Legend has it that instead of having his hands nailed into wood, Jesus fled to Japan and ended up living in Shingo, doing a spot of rice farming and dying at the ripe old age of 106.

On his way to Shingo, he visited the Gion district of Kyoto because he'd read in his guidebook that it was a really lovely place....

Jesus was said to have been impressed by the doors in Gion.

Moving on from Gion, he soon found himself feeling rather peckish and, for the first time in his life, tried takoyaki - little chunks of diced octopus inside a ball of light fluffy batter...

Despite burning his tongue on his first bite, takoyaki became part of Jesus's calorie controlled diet while living in Shingo.

Jesus forewent the bullet train in favour of leg-power, arriving in Shingo a few weeks later. Here he lived out the rest of days mingling with the locals and eating takoyaki.

"Tooooooouuuuuuchakuuuuuuuu!!!!!!!!"

kurama in flames

2009-10-24T13:15:00.004+09:00

If the sparks that fly when two flint stones are rubbed together give you a semi-boner, or if the lighting of a match gives you a whacking great woody, then the Kurama Fire Festival will likely make you as stiff as a rigor mortis-ridden rabbit found on a freezing winter morn in the glorious mountains surrounding this tiny village half an hour north of Kyoto.

Now I'm not a fire starter, twisted fire starter, but after reading about this festival, I thought I'd go along for some flaming good festive fun. The problem was, the entire population of Kyoto also had the same idea.

This meant that on Thursday, all the people who were here at lunchtime...

....were here at dinnertime....

The parade takes place along a narrow bonfire-filled street bordered by wooden houses against a backdrop of tinder-dry trees as a result of a drier than usual summer. Perfect conditions for a blazing good night.

The crowd was made up of:
30% Japanese spectators
10% Tall Westerners blocking the view of the Japanese spectators
60% Police officers with megaphones
0% Firefighters

The number of police officers in attendance was quite astonishing. I'm sure it meant that at the same time there were no police officers in the whole of the rest of Japan, allowing criminals across the nation to run riot.

Apparently the people in the parade chant "sairei, sairyo" as they move along the street carrying enormous pine torches, but unfortunately I couldn't hear it as the police were chanting "move back, move along" through their enormously loud megaphones.

A megaphone with the volume turned up to 11.

A megaphone-happy cop.

Many police officers had swine flu. Or didn't want to catch swine flu.

At around six o'clock it all kicked off. Firestarters, twisted firestarters were scurrying about starting fires all over the show, and before long, thick billowing smoke was rolling down the main street...

Kurama was quickly ablaze, with some bonfires singeing the eyebrows of those standing too close....

A police officer warms his hands on one of the many fires.

An RPPT - rocket propelled pine torch

A couple of participants warming their extremities by the fire.

By eight o'clock there was so much fire around that the oxygen was starting to be sucked out of the air.

At one point, a bonfire close to me started lashing out, like a violent drunk looking for trouble. Chaos ensued....

Beware - fire can be unpredictable.

There was a flash and a bang and before I could say "Where's the water?", I found myself in the middle of a virtual fireball....

Thankfully the fires were eventually brought under control and order was restored. And then it was time to leave.

As I made my way to the station, I saw a mysterious figure lurking in the shadows. Ah yes, it was a policeman with a megaphone.

Festival breakdown:
Fire factor: 10 out of 10
Most dangerous place: Everywhere
Least dangerous place: In the lake
Noise: Mostly from megaphones
Good for: Pyromaniacs / megalomegaphonemaniacs

A review of the Danjiri Matsuri in Kishiwada can be found here.

past pachinko

2009-10-18T23:18:00.003+09:00

As we know all too well, there are many kinds of balls in life.

Pool balls....

Testiballs....

Ed Balls....

Currently the UK's Secretary of State for Children, School Dinners and Families.

And of course, pachinko balls....

Without pachinko balls, there would never have been any pachinko halls, as the pachinko machine would never have been invented.

Indeed, could THIS be Japan's oldest surviving pachinko machine, a contraption I recently found abandoned in an Osaka backstreet?

No, probably not.

pimp my (barge) ride

2009-10-11T23:51:00.001+09:00

When a friend told me recently that a barge had just cruised into town, images of ye olde English narrowboats crawling along the canals of Osaka immediately came to mind.

It was a scene I didn't want to miss, and I rushed along to get a glimpse of a boat that I thought would be something like this....

...being steered by a man who looked a bit like this....

...but instead I saw a strange looking fella like this....

....steering a guaranteed-to-give-little-children-nightmares barge - like this....

A little baby driver with a bloody great dragon behind it.

It wasn't quite what I'd been expecting, I mean, I can hardly imagine it plying the peaceful waters of the Trent and Mersey canal....

Actually I wouldn't mind seeing it plying the peaceful waters of the Trent and Mersey canal....

It's a barge quite unlike any other....

Fun for all the family!

According to this article, artist Kenji Yanobe is hoping that when people see his fire-breathing teeth-gnashing fearsome looking creation, they will "think about peace"....

Here's an alternative image that might cause people to think about peace....

....though on second thoughts, this one is far more interesting....

A peaceful fire-breathing dragon barge.

Here you can watch the barge doing things that barges don't normally do....

Video from here

beer cans, wires, and a wheel trim

2009-10-04T20:29:00.008+09:00

Can you guess what it is?

What on earth could it be? From here it just looks like a collection of pipes and tubes....hmm, what else is there....is that a broom? Bits of wood.....

OK, so now we have a basketball, and what looks like some beer cans......any the wiser?

From here we can see a load more beer cans, wires, a wheel trim and, among other things, a circuit board......

Got it?

No, it's not a new product from Microsoft......

....that's right, it's.......

A LOAD OF RUBBISH.

But it's also a bit more than that.

Here's another clue....

Osaka's main river, the Yodogawa.

Yes, all that rubbish is part of Aqua Metropolis Osaka 2009, where the city's rivers have been revitalised by getting all the crap out of them. This has then been used to make some rather fetching sculptures....

a rubbish fish in osaka

This little number was made with rubbish pulled from the Yodogawa and Osaka Bay.

I guess it's a celebration of all the gunk people throw in, for without it, this wonderful piece of art could never have been created.

So when it comes to garbage, we can conclude that the people of Osaka either:

a) religiously recycle it, separate it, and carefully divide it between boxes, bags and bins marked for burnables, non-burnables, plastics, non-plastics, cans, bottles, non-bottles, PET bottles, glass bottles, ten green bottles, paper, card, electrical equipment, magazines and newspapers,

or

b) chuck it in the river

If it does go in the river, this is what may come out - a kind of mutant man-eating bevvied-up beer-canned underwater monster, seen below as it was caught in the act of devouring its final victim....

Whoever was wearing this jacket got a nasty surprise when they opted for b)

no-no shaver

2009-09-27T20:53:00.001+09:00

In Japan, you don't see a lot of hair - apart from on top of the head or blocking up the plug hole.

There are few moustaches, and if someone has a beard it's usually a fake one bought from a novelty shop. Excessive hair seems to be a big no-no.

For women in particular, a hairy arm could be a cause of embarrassment. Two hairy arms would be twice as bad.

Anti-hair manufacturers across the nation are constantly bringing out new products to keep the bristles at bay.

But now it seems like the definitive product (another one) is finally here. It's the no-no shaver. The first no refers to no hair. The second no refers, reassuringly, to no pain.

The no-no shaver was featured on a recent TV infomercial. It went on for a good hour. There was hair all over the place.

Finally, a hair remover that doesn't hurt like hell.

The shaver incorporates burning technology which essentially frazzles your follicles and melts your hair, leaving a burnt-hair odour to confirm that the job's done. And apparently it doesn't hurt a jot.

The infomercial went to extraordinary lengths to demonstrate the no-pain factor by showing how painful other methods of hair extraction can be.

Three unsuspecting souls with suitably hairy haunches were hauled in off the street and forced to volunteer for a test using the no-no shaver. They made it sound like pain would not be involved.

But within minutes of their hirsute legs being thrust before the cameras, it was clear that a high level of discomfort (ie. pain) was central to the show, with one of the women soon suffering audible pain.....

One was given the no-no shaver. Another was given a good old-fashioned bloodletting razor and finally, thrust into the hand of the woman who drew the short straw was little more than a pair of pliers. Plucking hell! Wasn't it obvious these weren't going to be the best method of hair removal? Yes, it was obvious, but the infomercial makers wanted to film it nonetheless.

1 - the no-pain shaver. 2 - the bloody razor. 3 - the plucking pliers

The poor plucker on the far right looks like she might be regretting her decision to "have a bit of fun" by volunteering for the experiment....

"3....2.....1....shave!"

The plucker is off camera, although she can be heard. Screaming.

Then, just as you weren't expecting it, they showed a close-up of the plucker at work.

It all seemed rather unnecessary. And she could be heard yelling one word....

Meanwhile, the other two collected their hair in a large bowl.

A big bowl for all the hair.

Not surprisingly, the no-no shaver came out the winner.

As the plucker was carted off to hospital, the infomercial concluded that the no-no shaver was by far the most efficient and least painful way to remove hair.

The ad closed with some shots of a model shaving her hairless body....

...from her legs up to her arms and beyond....

It was a wonderfully pain-free end to a painful-looking infomercial.

bear beware

2009-09-20T23:30:00.017+09:00

If you go down to the bus terminal today,
You're sure of a big surprise.

If you go down to the bus terminal today,
You'd better go in disguise.

For every bear that ever there was,
Will not gather there for certain because,
Today's the day a bear will be gunned down in a souvenir shop.

See it gaily gad about,
And make the tourists scream and shout....

Sadly, the bear involved in the fracas in Gifu prefecture at the weekend bought it.

Full report here. It was shot dead as it entered a souvenir shop. It seems a bit harsh when it was probably only going in there to purchase a Hello Kitty key ring.

The incident serves as a reminder that bears do occasionally come down from the mountains in search of souvenirs.

However, open your eyes a little and you can see them everywhere. Here's one I spotted outside a Lawson recently...

A bear wearing a nice pair of shoes.

A sloth of bears lying in wait for the driver to return...

Open-back trucks are a popular meeting place for bears (and dogs) in the city...

This one was happy enough to pose for the camera...

...before trying to eat it.

And this one was simply lounging about outside a shop, happily shouting abuse at passers-by....

the boyladies

2009-09-13T21:44:00.004+09:00

When friends return from a trip to Thailand, they talk of many things. They talk of the spicy food; they talk of the full moon parties of which they remember nothing; and they talk of the ladyboys.

To the best of my knowledge, a ladyboy is a boy that wants to be a girl, or possibly a girl that was a boy, even though particular appendages may still be in place. It's quite possible that the term ladyboy covers everyone from a lad with a moustache who calls himself Sue, to a former lad who now has ladybumps the size of small planets, with his middle wicket having recently been removed by a team of crack surgeons, so to speak.

In a small city a stone's throw from Osaka, it's a slightly different story. Here, you'll find the boyladies.

The Takarazuka Revue Company is a theatrical troupe, and a wildly popular one at that, especially among women. Real women, that is.

And what's more, the performers in the troupe are all women. This is where the boylady bit comes in. With no men to play the roles of men, the ladies have to don Y-fronts and beards and do the job for them. And they do it with aplomb.

Below: Some members of the Takarazuka Revue Company.

There are no male members in the Takarazuka Revue Company, both literally and figuratively speaking.

It's not certain how they deal with a scene that involves a high degree of romantic entanglement, but a fair few tickets are bought by people keen to find out...

The troupe has been going since 1913 and productions have included Guys and Dolls, Me and My Girl, and Carry On Up The Khyber.

Singin' in the Rain

Police Academy III

Terminator 2: Judgment Day

Walk down any street in Osaka and you'll see posters for their upcoming production, The Rose of Versaille.

It's about a girl brought up as a man to become her father's successor. At first the girl goes along with the whole idea, but she later realises that her true love is a bloke, at which point she decides to live as a lady, which is what she is - a plot perfect for the Takarazuka treatment.

The storyline certainly got my exciter going.

road gardens

2009-09-06T22:55:00.016+09:00

People are forever saying that Japan doesn't have much space, but it's not true. There's plenty of space here. The only problem is that most of it is at an angle of 80 degrees.

The land of Japan covers 364,000 sq km, which is at least the same as the Isle of Wight and probably twice the size of Wales, so we're talking big here. But the fact is, most of it comprises mountains. As a result, the cities, built on the flat bits, can be pretty tightly packed - so in places like Osaka, there's not a great deal of green to be seen.

More often than not, a house is built without a garden, front or back. The front door leads straight onto the road (there are few pavements), which means you can never walk out of your house backwards. This is annoying if that's the kind of thing you like to do.

However, the people of Osaka are a determined bunch, and the mere fact that they have no garden will certainly not stop them from having a garden.

So take a stroll around the city's backstreets and before long you're bound to stumble across what has become known as the road garden....

Here, beer crates from the izakaya next door are put to good use.

Sometimes a great deal of time and effort is put into these landscaped masterpieces...

...while other times....

"Bish, bash, bosh and we got ourselves a garden."

They certainly bring a bit of colour and character to what would otherwise be a....er...road.

Here's one which is borderline bonkers...

More road jungle than road garden.

....whereas the creator of this road garden has taken a more minimalist approach....

Plant pots that will still be there the next morning.

japan votes

2009-08-30T16:13:00.012+09:00

Aso on TV all the time. Hatoyama clutching a bunch of mics on the news every day. Politicians outside train stations shouting through megaphones. Vans trundling through neighbourhoods with loudspeakers blaring out. Any one would think there was a general election going on. Oh wait a minute.

The nation is deciding. Now.

It seems that voters face a straight choice between a man:
...from a political and industrial elite
...whose grandfather was prime minister
...whose family founded a giant industrial company
...who studied in the United States
...who studied at an elite university (Stanford)

and a man:
...from a political and industrial elite
...whose grandfather was prime minister
...whose family founded a giant industrial company
...who studied in the United States
...who studied at an elite university (Stanford)

If I was a betting man, I'd put a ton of money on the winner of this election being a man:
...from a political and industrial elite
...whose grandfather was prime minister
...whose family founded a giant industrial company
...who studied in the United States
...who studied at an elite university (Stanford)

The streets are awash with photos of candidates with pleasant smiles and cheesy grins, though the guy in this one looks like he'd rather settle the election in a more physical way than the law currently allows...

Shaping up for a fight?

In the olden days, elections were settled with games of rock, paper, scissors, but more recently, polling stations and voting slips are used.

Polling stations have been open since seven this morning and the early signs are that there could be a record turnout.

Here a young voter arrives at her local polling station to cast her ballot...

the nori-p conspiracy

2009-08-23T10:57:00.074+09:00

In recent weeks, the news and gossip shows have been giving almost blanket coverage to one story in particular.

As most of you will know, it concerns Nori-P, a singer/actress who went missing after her husband's arrest when he was found in possession of stimulant drugs - and we're not talking about a jar of Nescafe here.

The drugs were found in his underpants, though the police had originally thought he was just pleased to see them.

However, after rummaging around his nether regions, they quickly realised that it wasn't an erection at all, but actually a suspicious looking package. He was promptly arrested, while Nori-P went AWOL.

After six days in hiding, she handed herself in to the authorities. Police are now fiddling with her follicles in order to ascertain whether she has used the stimulant drugs, though critics have suggested that the boys in blue merely want to run their fingers through her gorgeous hair. Once the results of the tests on her hair come back, the facts of the case may become clearer.

Nori-P's exceptional hair is now undergoing lab tests.

TV shows have been covering every aspect of the case, from explaining why drugs don't work to footage showing the cell where she's being kept - which is larger than some regular Japanese apartments.

Of course, the conspiracy theorists are already out in force, suggesting that the woman who handed herself in to police was not Nori-P at all, but a lookalike.

With echoes of The Beatles' Paul is Dead conspiracy theory from the 1960s, the theorists are going so far as to say that Nori-P may also have copped it – they point to the last three letters of her nickname as evidence – RI-P.

Furthermore, the letters in her name are the same as the acronym for Northern Oklahoma Research and Investigations of the Paranormal, which all sounds rather mysterious.

Theorists are also making connections between Nori-P and her alleged drug use:

Anagrams of her real name (Noriko Sakai) come out variously as "A oak oink, sir", "A ski on air, ok" and "A oak, I rink so" - exactly the things you might say if you were hepped up on goofballs.

Her best selling single to date is Aoi Usagi (Blue Bunny). The question being asked is: "In what state of mind are you most likely to see a blue bunny?"

Theorists have also talked about how events leading up to her disappearance suggested things were not quite as they seemed, proved by this photo when Nori-P mistook Kitty-chan for her husband on a recent outing to Roppongi Hills. A mistake easily made with a clear head?

Nori-P on a date with her "husband".

It'll be up to to the hair-fondling cops to decide whether Nori-P is guilty of drug dabbling, and up to the public to decide if she will be allowed to resume her acting career. Either way, her days of geezin a bit of dee gee are almost certainly over.

anointy nointy

2009-08-16T19:00:00.008+09:00

This fantastic photo has been doing the rounds in the last few days, and deservedly so.

Melissa Brandt and her partner had set up their camera beside this stunning lake in Canada's Banff National Park, set the timer and taken their position. Just as the shutter went, a squirrel popped up from nowhere and posed for the shot.

To be honest, I have my doubts about the authenticity of the story. I mean, the squirrel is so perfectly in focus and so well framed that I can't help thinking the couple hurried into the shot just as the squirrel took the photo.

The photo was taken this month, the very same month in which Japan goes to the polls.

The forthcoming election is the talk of the towns across the country as history will likely be made, with the ruling Liberal Democratic Party (LDP) almost certainly winning yet again, making them the longest ruling party ever, breaking a long held record which they already hold and are likely to keep hold of for a very long time indeed.

For some reason, they always win. They've been in power for almost the whole time since 1955. They never lose, even if they try to. They can't not win. They can not not not lose.

However, the main opposition party, the Democratic Party (DP), are doing well in the opinion polls. As a result, the DP are starting to believe that they can win this election. But they probably won't. Because the LDP always win.

That said, the election campaign is being fiercely fought. In recent days the DP's leader, Yukio Hatoyama, was out on the streets showing off his party's manifesto....

Not to be outdone, the current prime minister, Taro Aso, has also presented his party's manifesto to the nation.....

A senior member of the DP, Ichiro Ozawa, has also been campaigning across the country, keeping his mouth firmly shut, despite hordes of journalists urging him to say something....

Journalists waited a full 30 minutes before giving up and going home.

So here's a list of the main contenders:

TARO ASO
Liberal Democratic Party

The current prime minister of Japan and likely to be so for some time to come.

YUKIO HATOYAMA
Democratic Party

His gramps was Japan's prime minister in the 1950s.

BILL CLINTON
The Bill Clinton Party

Bill still has a lot to give.

THE SQUIRREL
Squirrel Democratic Party

A fan of nuts and cameras, this squirrel isn't shy and knows how to work the media.

Who would you like to see win the general election at the end of this month?
(poll closes on election day)

Who would you like to be Japan's next prime minister?(answers)

signs of the time

2009-08-09T23:15:00.007+09:00

Outside Chion-in in Kyoto.
I think I know what they mean....

Just wondering what "cai" means.....

I guess you might feel warm and cosy in this bar....

When it comes to shop names, you can't beat something short and snappy to get the attention of customers....

"I'll be back later - just popping over to Love Boat Save the Girls Girls Save the World Love Boat."

I'm also a fan of beautiful proportion.

A cafe that quite possibly sells good earthy food. Or contaminated.

Hopefully this will put an end to all those trigger-happy temple-goers shooting about the place.

Kyoto: hunt geishas not guns (but don't harm them) (the geishas, that is).

OK it's not a sign, but it would be if it was.

This jacket somehow looks familiar.....

pants in space

2009-08-01T17:15:00.000+09:00

I know, I know. "Pants in space? So what? All astronauts wear pants in space."

Yes, but the latest space shuttle voyage was different, for one of the crew wore the same pair for a whole month. Yes, you heard me right: one pair - one month.

Call me a stickler for hygiene, but that sounded like a loooong time to have the same piece of cloth wrapped around a part of the body which, following even the most rigorous of bathing rituals, tends to stay fragrant for about as long as it takes Usain Bolt to run the 100 metres......until I heard that these were no ordinary underpants.

Scientists based in Tokyo were trumpeting these prototype pants as being:

water-absorbent
bacteria-killing
anti-static
flame-resistant

and most importantly of all,

odour-eating

It's not clear whether Japanese astronaut Koichi Wakata volunteered for the experiment, or whether his wife put him forward for it.

Either way, Koichi agreed and evidently wasn't put off by the thought of scientists poking around his smalls with tweezers and scalpels upon his return from space.

I was impressed by Koichi's courage to undertake the challenge in the name of science. He's obviously a brave man, though of course he had the security of knowing that these pants were special, designed specifically to be worn for long periods of time; designed not to accumulate hideous odours; designed to absorb nuisance dribbles; designed not to catch fire the day after a kimchi dinner. But then again, it was an experiment - there were no guarantees.

To see what can happen to regular pants when worn for a month, I decided to conduct an experiment of my own. Some people advised me against it. Others said I might end up in hospital. One friend suggested I write my will.

But I was determined.

The first few days went without a hitch. The smell wasn't particularly unpleasant, and psychologically I was holding up well. But after a week, things started turning nasty, and after four weeks, well, you don't want to know.

But I can tell you something - in a month they went from this....

to this....

Regular underpants after not being changed for a month.

I immediately went onto my balcony in my stinking pants, raised my hands to the heavens and shouted loudly, wishing Koichi all the luck in the world and space and far beyond as he sailed above me in his spaceship.

Yesterday Koichi, his pants and the rest of the crew returned safely to Earth, though as they came in to land at the Kennedy Space Center in Florida, there was a tense moment in the cockpit....

Snipers followed Koichi's every move after landing, in case the pants tried to make a run for it.

The snipers had stated unequivocally that, if necessary, they were ready and willing to take the pants out. There's obviously no room for sentimentality when it comes to rancid underpants.

The welcoming party at the Kennedy Space Center was suitably attired for Koichi's homecoming....

The latest reports out of the Space Center are that on first inspection the pants were in good shape, despite them having to be surgically removed.

Whether the experiment is deemed a success or not, there was no doubting the sheer profundity of the incredible moment the other night when Koichi took the first ever space walk for special pants, witnessed live on TV by millions around the world.

It'll be one of those moments in life where you'll never forget what you were doing when it happened (I was watching Koichi do a space walk on TV).

Koichi steps bravely from the shuttle into the great abyss, with his pants on.

Underpants will surely never be the same again.

bring on the sweat

2009-07-26T18:29:00.005+09:00

It's here......

....summer.

The humidity is just starting to kick in.....

....which means air conditioners starting up.....

A building weighed down with air conditioners.

....towels being plonked on heads....

....or simply slung over the whole body....

Little Red Riding Hood floored by the Japanese summer.

....and ginger drying on the bonnets of cars.....

While some people may be wanting a bit more of this.....

...it's best to just accept that you'll be getting a lot more of this....

Sun - not water.

....though you'll probably also see a bit of this...

I'm talking about the kimonos, not the train guy doing a John Travolta.

But when all's said and done, even the casual summer sandal will no doubt be outnumbered by the sweaty shoe of the sleeping salaryman.

tripping the light fantastic

2009-07-19T19:14:00.017+09:00

For the people of Amami Oshima, a small island off Kyushu, it's a phenomenal phenomenon that only comes around once in a blue moon.

That's right - a music festival is coming to town!

This week the island's population will swell to beyond what its infrastructure can comfortably handle as visitors pour in from all over the world for a one-off jive taking place on Wednesday.

Island residents (average age 87) will join the hoards of tranced-up techno ravers as they hip-hop, line dance and conga the night away, popping a variety of pills as they go - though they'll probably be more for bad backs and chest complaints than for reaching a plateau of euphoria.

By chance, on the same day, the moon will saunter over in front of the sun for a few minutes, making it all go a bit dark.

Special glasses should be worn when this happens, in order to bring a sense of fun to the occasion....

Specs which create a sense of fun.

The eclipse, like the festival, doesn't happen every day, and so everyone is hoping for clear skies.

An eclipse under cloudy skies is often somewhat disappointing, and can end up looking a lot like this....

According to the Japan Meteorological Agency, cloudy skies happen more often than eclipses.

....when actually everyone is hoping to see the pretty diamond ring effect....

If the light falls at the right angle and the clouds don't get in the way, the eclipse can look like a diamond ring.

the park mall

2009-07-12T18:00:00.000+09:00

When the rising sun gets up and running each morning and the neon lights are switched off, Osaka can lose quite a bit of its colour. About 98% of it, to be exact.

Sure, the city is famed for its various shades of grey, but if you lift up the enormous great paving slab and take a peek under it, you'll find all manner of little things scurrying about. And some parks, too.

The most interesting of these green areas is Namba Parks.

And it's not only a park. It's a shopping mall as well (of course). I mean, why have a park that's just a park when you can incorporate a shopping mall?

It's a park/mall with pink signs....

....as well as pink park keepers

You can eat among leaves....

And shop among shops....

You can even sit and while away the hours watching Namba Parks exist....

Namba Parks - it's mostly park....

slightly surprising

2009-07-08T17:56:00.004+09:00

So happy.

Cola Shock has less to do with volts and more to do with an idea of pure genius.

I was getting kind of tired of vodka and coke all the time. So imagine my glee when I heard the news that today saw the introduction of a new twist on an old idea - Cola Shock - it's coke and vodka!

It tastes a lot better this way around.

Cola Shock - it's 5% booze

extreme masks

2009-07-05T22:45:00.011+09:00

Just as people like to cover their books so no one knows what they're reading, they also like to cover their faces so they can't be read (their face, that is).

Contrary to popular belief, the ubiquitous white mask is more about preserving anonymity than preventing hay fever or the spread of a contagious disease.

The problem with a mask is that it shows too much of the face. As a result, late last year, the extreme mask started to make an appearance on the train carriages of Osaka.

The extreme mask took the mask concept one step further, but a step, it has to be said, which was possibly a step too far, or even a step in the wrong direction.

The extreme mask - good for preserving anonymity but not so good for seeing where you're going.

With people walking into walls and off platforms, the extreme mask soon lost its appeal. Other methods for preserving anonymity were needed.

After months of trying out various ideas, commuters seem to have finally found an original solution - large musical instruments. They cover the whole body but still allow the user to see where they're going. Below is a woman protecting her anonymity with a cello....

An anonymous woman.

An anonymous woman sitting next to someone who is not quite as anonymous as her.

Various instruments have been experimented with. Drum kits have been seen on the Takarazuka line, though they're not so popular as they take time to set up and dismantle, and on the Kyoto line last week a baby grand piano was seen hiding the faces of a family of four on their way to a baseball game.

sawn-off marriages

2009-06-28T22:32:00.017+09:00

According to a recent report in a UK newspaper, shotgun weddings are becoming more common in Japan.

A shotgun wedding is not when the woman suddenly produces a firearm from a holdall and forces her boyfriend, at gunpoint, to marry him. No, a shotgun wedding is when the prophylactic fails, the woman becomes pregnant and the couple agree to live happily ever after in eternal wedded bliss.

Many couples in Japan opt for a Western-style wedding. This means dressing up in a white dress (the woman, that is) and wearing lots of make-up (the man).

It also involves going to a church. Most large hotel chains in Japan build their hotels around century-old churches, like this one in Osaka....

A hotel built around a church.

This gives the hotel chain a chance to go into business with the church and make some serious spondoolicks.

On the big day, the happy couple is met in the church by a seriously religious and devout vicar-priest.

Like this one....

A man of the ~~classroom~~ cloth.

The vicar-priest might do three or four services a day, though not always with pregnant women.

Once married, the couple will live happily ever after forever and ever and a bit more.

a beer garden?

2009-06-20T08:30:00.000+09:00

With the warmer weather approaching, so comes with it humidity, long white gloves, and sweat.

Though long white gloves are no longer for me, the sweat still pours and there seems little one can do about it besides sit indoors with the air-con on full.

It's at this time of year that department stores across the country open their rooftops, get lots of cheap food out and supply beer on tap. Say hello to the beer garden.

Beer gardens are usually open from late June to early September. Cost will be around 3,000yen, which gives you unlimited food and beer. Some places impose a two hour time limit, whereas others have no time limit at all which theoretically means you could drink from late June to early September.

Some people are puzzled about why it's called a beer garden, when it's evidently more beer than garden. I guess it's because it sounds nice. Like saying motion discomfort bag instead of puke packet.

But wait a minute - look!

Here's a beer garden that's more garden than beer. How refreshing.....

a beer GARDEN.

OK strictly speaking, I guess it's a happoshu garden, but that doesn't sound quite as good.

Click here for a little bit of information about beer gardens in Osaka and Kyoto - beer gardens, not beer gardens, that is.

english for drug trials

2009-06-14T11:55:00.000+09:00

In a Japanese language magazine available in London, there are several ads from medical companies giving Japanese males the exciting opportunity of taking part in clinical drug trials.

Payment varies according to the length of the trial. You could get as much as £3,570 (about 590,000yen).

Besides financial reward, one company also offers free English lessons during the medical trials....

This is a wise idea, as if the trial all goes to shit, like it did for these poor guys a few years back, then certain English phrases would definitely come in very useful. How about these for starters...

Useful English phrases for non-native speakers considering embarking on a clinical drug trial:

"Excuse me but I'm finding it difficult to breathe just now"

"My skin appears to be melting"

"Could you possibly take me to the operating theatre and pump my stomach forthwith"

"Can you smell burning?

"When I signed the form, you never mentioned that my eyeballs would double in size"

"Although you're paying me a lot of money for this, it's looking like I won't ever get to spend it"

John Hurt: genetic disorder or clinical drug trial volunteer?

insect interest

2009-06-07T19:14:00.062+09:00

Insects are big in Japan. They're also big. Here, for example, is one I found outside my front door just the other day....

An insect as large as a convenience store.

They're also big business. Rather like people in some countries breed dogs or horses, in Japan they also breed beetles.

Furthermore, exhibitions are held to scare the living daylights out of the nation's youngsters....

An insect lit in a special way in order to cause nightmares.

On the whole, kids go ga-ga over the little critters and enjoy nothing more than picking them up, looking at them, and putting them back down again.

A recent exhibition in Osaka had inflatable insects on sale....

....providing hours of fun and fascination....

A child being fascinated as a large insect lunges at her mother.

The real thing is, of course, also available....

Insects in tanks waiting for a new home.

The exhibition also had a range of paintings and drawings on display, showing a day in the life of a critter....

A day in the life of a critter: Get up. Eat breakfast. Read newspaper. Clean tank. Startle someone. Laugh. Go to bed.

Throughout the exhibition there were plenty of insects giving various demonstrations. Here, a beetle demonstrates the art of sitting on a tree stump.

After complaints from insects about being pointed at and stared at all the time, some interactive areas were created so that they could get up-close-and-personal with visitors....

Insects can get a bit funny about being looked at all the time. They much prefer a bit of touchy-feely.

Butterflies from other countries also featured, albeit dead and pinned to a wooden board....

Looking at this one, I was kind of glad it was dead and pinned to a board....

A creature with a pointy bit so pointy that if administered, a trip to accident and emergency would be highly likely.

A child pointing at some pointy bits....

More pin-ups....

Perhaps best of all, on display was Japan's most famous insect, the recently deceased controversial former athlete Shin Fukumoto. He took the gold in the men's 100m at the 1984 LA Olympics but was later disqualified after judges noticed that he had many more legs than the other runners.

Shin claimed he had only used two of his legs in the race, though slow motion footage showed he had used all of them, thereby giving him an unfair advantage over the other runners.

bottle befuddlement

2009-05-31T19:43:00.003+09:00

It's a common sight in Japan - water-filled plastic bottles in gardens, placed around plants. Apparently they deter cats from sitting on plants. Yes, sitting. And shitting on them, too.

Truth be told, I've never seen a cat hassling a plant - bottles or no bottles. But then maybe that's because I can't see any plants - because they're obscured by the bottles.

There could be a cat hiding behind these bottles.

Actually, take a walk in the 'hood and you'll likely see plenty of healthy-looking blooming flowers without bottles....

Flourishing flowers and not a bottle in sight.

However, sometimes it's not clear what the bottles are actually trying to protect....or just why they're there at all.....

An arrangement of bottles - but why?

Less of an arrangement, more of a scattering....

Whoever lives here must really despise cats.

Bottles of water protecting mud and weeds from cats. Maybe.