The Aesthetics of Joy

The Surprising Psychology of Why Work Feels Harder Than It Should

2026-04-14T07:00:52Z

The Surprising Psychology of Why Work Feels Harder Than It Should

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A few weeks ago, when I chatted with Chris Duffy for our Commons book club, I asked him if he had fun writing his book Humor Me. I thought it was a gimme — it’s a book about finding the funny side of life, after all. And Chris says he had a ball with the research for the book. But the writing was another story. To get through it, he resorted to setting forty-five minute timers and forcing himself to sit and write for set blocks of time.

It’s an open secret that many writers hate writing. The intimidation of the blank page. The long hours of staring at a screen trying to wrangle amorphous thoughts into clear prose. Writers bring more than a touch of melodrama to their feelings on the subject. In his essay Why I Write, George Orwell put it this way: “Writing a book is a horrible, exhausting struggle, like a long bout of some painful illness. One would never undertake such a thing if one were not driven on by some demon whom one can neither resist nor understand.” Or more succinctly, in the words of journalist Gene Fowler, “Writing is easy. All you do is stare at a blank sheet of paper until drops of blood form on your forehead.”

I can relate to this sense of struggle around writing. I commiserated with Chris about the irony of writing a lighthearted book and having the process feel like torture. When I wrote Joyful, I already considered myself a decent writer at the outset. I couldn’t understand why the days of writing, which I’d so longed for, felt so slow and agonizing.

The Vicious Cycle That Makes Creative Work Feel So Difficult

But a few years ago, I started to wonder if part of the problem was that I’d bought into the idea that writing was difficult and had never really questioned if that had to be true. I realized that so much of my displeasure stemmed from my inner dialogue about hating it and it being hard. I was expecting my work to be miserable, and no surprise that it was.

I thought about all the ways I could be spending my time that I don’t like — writing PowerPoint presentations, being a short order cook, “creating value” — and it occurred to me that I’m insanely lucky to do something I actually want to do for a living. Why, then, am I constantly talking about writing like it’s this difficult, miserable thing?

Words have so much power. The way we describe our work (or our partner or body or anything else in our lives) tells our brain that that’s what we believe. So, I tried an experiment: What if instead of expecting my work to be hard, I expected it to be easy? I started catching myself anytime I’d say things like “this is torture” or “this is so hard” or “I’m so stuck” and I’d just say like a kind of deranged affirmation, “I expect this to be easy.” And it is almost that simple. It started to get easier.

The Science of Why Expectations Shape Experience

Ellen Langer has research on why this works in her book The Mindful Body. Expectations are like a prediction about our experience, and once our brains have made a prediction, they look for evidence to confirm that the prediction is right. In one study, students were told to “try” and solve a series of problems, while another group was told to just do the problems. It turns out that students told to try struggled more with the task, possibly because they word “try” led them to expect that the problems would be difficult and that they might fail. Langer’s current research explores the possibility that expectations may even influence healing times. So she is testing what happens when doctors tell patients not the average healing time for an injury, but the quickest known healing time. She suspects that we’ll see faster healing times when our expectations allow it.

So if you are telling yourself a story that you hate your work or that it’s going to be difficult, guess what? You’re going to drag yourself to your desk dreading what awaits you, and as you’re sitting there, you’re going to be looking for all the evidence that confirms that this is a terrible, unpleasant way to spend your time.

But if you tell yourself that your work will flow smoothly, that you’ll be easily able to meet any challenges that arise, that the process might even be fun — then this is what your brain is primed to notice. And this starts to become a feedback loop. (Learn more about how expectations influence joy here.)

How to Break the Difficulty Loop

As you do this, it’s important to break habits that reinforce the difficulty of the process. So for example, when it comes to writing, I had to learn to stop forcing myself to sit through it when it was especially difficult. Because the intense frustration I felt in those moments of trying to push through tended to confirm my worst fears about the process: that it really was difficult, that I was a hack, that I would never succeed. So instead, I learned to change gears when I hit one of those moments.

I do this in a few different ways. First, when I feel the pressure building up like I’m starting to spin and overthink, I get up and go for a walk. I find that usually by fifteen minutes in, I’m starting to have ideas and I’m back in flow. Even if I don’t, the movement and change of scenery help me reset.

Second, I keep multiple workstreams going so that if I get stuck on one, I can easily shift to another. For example, rather than working through writing a manuscript from beginning to end, I might research one section while I’m drafting another. If I’m feeling tapped out on drafting, I can switch to mindmapping the next section, or revising the previous one so I’m using a different part of my brain.

The dread of those excruciating moments of feeling stuck and trying to push through is most of what feels “hard” about writing, so if you pattern interrupt you retrain yourself that it’s just not a part of your experience and it really does feel easier. Not that I never feel lost or stuck, but I think you can disentangle that from suffering, so that it’s like a puzzle or a challenge, not misery.

Why We Resist the Idea That Work could Feel Good

If it feels hard to disentangle suffering from work, you might ask yourself what you’re getting out of viewing work as painful. Often, when we struggle to make a desired change in our lives, it’s because we actually get some kind of benefit from the status quo. Maybe it’s that you bond with other writers by venting and complaining, and you worry you’d feel disconnected if your work felt more fun. Maybe it’s that suffering makes the work feel more meaningful. The connection between suffering and meaning runs deep in Western culture, and this conditioning can be difficult to disrupt.

If your pain is also driven by self-doubt or negative self-talk, that’s another area to look at. The part of our brain that focuses on being perfect is outcome-driven, and doesn’t care at all about how you experience the process. So learning to refocus from the impossible “perfect” result to enjoying the process of creating can be another helpful reframe. (More on how to shift this inner dialogue here.)

Changing the emphasis in how you think about work — from outcome to process — is the most important shift you can make in increasing the joy you find in your work. When you view work as an unpleasant but necessary process to get to a desirable outcome, your mindset is about getting through it as quickly as possible. But when you view the work itself as having potential for pleasure, your whole orientation changes. Maybe you change your workspace to make it more joyful, or maybe you notice those moments of flow where you feel so aware of your competency, or you lean into your burning curiosity and get immersed in learning or experimenting. All of it can be so delightful — as long as you stop telling yourself it can’t be.

Image: Nina Luong via unsplash

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The post The Surprising Psychology of Why Work Feels Harder Than It Should appeared first on The Aesthetics of Joy.

Q&A with Humor Me author Chris Duffy

2026-04-14T07:01:59Z

Big news! Our most popular offering is back. Sign up for a session of our free home workshop: 5 Secrets to Designing a Joyful Home.

What a delight to share this Q&A with Chris Duffy, author of Humor Me, our upcoming book club pick for the School of Joy Commons. Members, we’ll see you next Thursday, February 26 at 1 PM ET!
Not a Commons member yet? Learn more and sign up here.

I was lucky enough to get an early look at Humor Me, and knew right away that I wanted to bring Chris to the Commons to discuss it. In this fun read, Chris shows us how we can find humor in even the unlikeliest places, and gives strategies for taking life less seriously and bringing more laughter to everyday.

Ahead of our Commons chat, we asked him a few lighthearted questions. Read this Q&A to find out more about what makes Chris Duffy laugh, including his favorite dad jokes, weirdest childhood snack, and funniest dinner party game.

Q&A with Humor Me Author Chris Duffy

What is funnier than it should be?

People falling down (as long as they don’t get hurt too badly). It really doesn’t make sense to me why this is so dependably hilarious but there’s nothing funnier than someone trying to sit down in a chair and missing it entirely or slipping on some ice or just fully wiping out. It makes me laugh, it makes toddlers laugh, gravity is hilarious and it has no reason to be.

What is your favorite weird snack?

When I was a little kid, on my birthdays I used to ask for the skin from chocolate pudding, and only the skin, which I would eat with a lot of whipped cream from the can. I tried it again recently and I gotta say… it holds up.

What is something everyone should try at least once?

Talking to a stranger. I think this is something everyone should try not just once but at least once a week. There’s so much research on how even brief interactions with strangers can improve your day, but I think it’s also one of the biggest ways you can find more laughter and delight in your life. If you open up the possibility of interacting with people you don’t already know, you’re so much more likely to be surprised. A lot of what makes us laugh starts with the surprise of realizing we’d never seen/thought about something in that way before.

What’s your favorite dad joke?

I love a whole category of dad jokes which I would call “table bits.” These are jokes that you can do while eating a meal with your family out at a restaurant.

After having eaten everything off your plate, when the server comes by and asks you how things are going, responding: “We didn’t have much of an appetite.”
Same setup, but this time there’s just a little piece of lettuce or some ketchup left on the plate. When the server comes to pick up the plates, saying “Can we get that wrapped up to go?”
The check arrives and you hand it to the youngest person at the table, preferably a toddler. “This one’s on you, right buddy?”
The check arrives and you pretend to have lost your wallet. Hold for as long as possible (even longer if your family does not believe you have actually lost your wallet)
Look at the menu and see something extremely ordinary and normal (e.g. eggs and toast). Read it out loud and then loudly declare “What will they think of next?!”

If you were alive in ancient times, what would you have done for work?

There is no doubt in my mind that if I was alive in ancient times, I would have been some sort of extremely low status cleaning boy who does a terrible job of scrubbing the dung heap, makes his little japes, and then dies from a now extinct disease called something like “Cobbler’s Appendix”.

When were you sure a bad outcome would be your ruin, but in fact it turned out to your benefit?

I mean this is just daily life for me. Pretty much every therapy session is just me saying disastrous outcomes and my therapist saying “ok, but what if that didn’t happen?” But I would say the most recent example of this is when I’ve been doing publicity for my book and had to ask successful people if they might help me or share my work. Instead of yelling at me or sending me a severed horse’s head with the message “you’ll never work in this town again,” people have been very nice and supportive! Who could have guessed?

What job do you think you’d be secretly really good at and why?

One fun game that my wife and I like to play at dinner parties (and always leads to a lot of laughs) is called “Your Shadow Profession.” The way it works is you think about what your skills and talents would lend themselves to if you had no morals and there were no legal consequences to your actions. In other words, who would be the job of the Wario to your Mario? The Gremlin to your Mogwai? The Jekyll to your Mr. Hyde?

The person that I actually am would never do this and feels terrible even thinking about it, but my shadow self would be amazing at running a scam that defrauds the elderly. I suspect Ingrid’s might be either cult leader or CEO of a candy company that makes beautiful whimsical treats but uses sawdust and other inedible and expired ingredients. Please tell me what your shadow profession would be in the comments.

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Click here to get a copy of Humor Me. We’ll see you in the Commons with author Chris Duffy next Thursday, February 26 at 1 PM ET.

Interested in joining our Joy Book Club? In the Commons, we read a nonfiction book together every other month then meet to discuss — often with the authors! Become a member.

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Reminder: My free live home workshop is back! Learn how to create a home you love without moving, renovating, or spending money you don’t have. Save your seat right here.

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7 Ways to Create a Productive Workspace, According to Psychology and Neuroscience

2026-04-14T05:27:40Z

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You’re staring at your screen, rereading the same paragraph for the third time. Your brain feels foggy. You assume you need more coffee, better sleep, or just more willpower. But what if the problem isn’t you? What if it’s the fluorescent lights, the windowless walls, or the low ceiling overhead?

Recently, The New York Times included Joyful in a roundup of books about productivity, noting that creating the conditions for productivity might be as important as your task list or time-management apps. In researching Joyful, I discovered that our spaces don’t just make us feel good. They can influence our thinking in many different ways, often without our conscious awareness. The subtle sensations we pick up through our senses can shape our productivity, performance, and creativity in profound ways.

7 Ways to Create a Productive Workspace, According to Psychology and Neuroscience

Traditional office design is really based on a mechanistic idea of human productivity. We’re treated essentially as machines that crank out a certain number of widgets in a certain amount of time, so the goal becomes minimal distraction and maximum efficiency—no need to take the body or the senses into account at all. But we now recognize that the mind and body are deeply connected, and we can’t ignore the body when we talk about productivity. When the full spectrum of our needs is taken into account, we’re more energetic, more alert, and more focused.

We’re not robots. Human attention and our ability to produce are related to a range of factors including our mood, our energy levels, our surroundings, whether we feel safe and comfortable, whether we have the right level of stimulation. When we manage these factors poorly, we struggle through our work, procrastinating and getting drawn into every little distraction. When we manage them well, we sometimes find that we can achieve as much in a few focused hours as we normally would in days.

Decision fatigue is a well-documented example of the way our attention fluctuates. Numerous studies show that human willpower and our ability to focus on a task decline after a certain amount of time. Judges, for example, show dramatic patterns in their rulings throughout the day—the percentage of favorable parole decisions drops gradually from about 65% to nearly zero within each decision session, returning abruptly to 65% after a food break (Danziger, Levav, & Avnaim-Pesso, 2011). Surgeons also show decreased performance based on fatigue levels, with medical errors and adverse events increasing significantly during afternoon hours (Feihl et al., 2019).

Our environment can offer a valuable corrective, help to restore our ability to focus and increase our overall productivity—while making the workday more enjoyable in the process. In this post, I’m sharing seven specific ways you can set up your environment to improve your thinking for the better, backed by science.

to increase productivity, Add Art and Plants

If you want to be more productive, the simplest change you can make is to include art and plants in your environment. A team of organizational psychologists from the University of Exeter conducted a fascinating study comparing what they called “lean” work environments (standard cubicles with nothing extra) to “enriched” work environments (cubicles with art and plants) (Knight & Haslam, 2010). People working in enriched environments were 15% more productive than those in lean environments.

The bare cubicle is designed to minimize distractions, but it misses the mark because for human beings, too little stimulation is actually agitating. The monotony of stripped-down environments is unsettling because in a natural environment, there is always an array of textures, sounds, and scents. Some passive visual stimulation is essential for our ability to focus.

Here’s where it gets really interesting: when people in the lean vs. enriched work environments study were given control over where to put the plants and art they chose for their space, they were 32% more productive than people in lean environments. There’s an element here of agency. When you feel a sense of control over your environment, it creates a sense of safety and ease that allows you to do your best work.

Use Green to Boost Creativity

While there are conflicting data on the role of specific colors on work performance, green is one color that seems to have a remarkably consistent effect. Researchers found that people who saw a brief glimpse of green before completing a creativity task performed significantly better than those who saw white, gray, red, or blue (Lichtenfeld, Elliot, Maier, & Pekrun, 2012). In four separate experiments, participants exposed to green—whether as a colored rectangle or as a background on a screen—demonstrated more flexible and inventive thinking.

Research believes this effect may have an evolutionary relationship to our natural habitat, where green is a signal of lushness, security, and safety. This association may be what puts us in a mindset where we’re more open and flexible in our thinking, which allows us to be more creative.

Go Up in Space to Think Big Picture

If you need to zoom out and see the forest for the trees, try getting an elevated perspective. This is because we have an unconscious association between what’s called conceptual scope and height. When we move up in space, we feel like we’re taking a bird’s-eye view, and this actually changes how we think.

Researchers asked study participants to interpret a set of everyday tasks based on descriptions. They found that when people imagined being in an office on a higher floor of a building, or when they sat on elevated stools versus low stools, they were significantly more likely to describe actions in abstract, big picture ways (Aggarwal & Zhao, 2015). For example, a description of someone locking a door would be interpreted as “securing the house” (abstract, big-picture thinking) rather than as “putting a key in the lock” (concrete, detail-oriented thinking). In another experiment from the same study, when people viewed photographs taken from a high angle (as if looking down from above), they scored higher on measures of abstract thinking compared to those who viewed the same objects photographed from a low angle.

So if you want to think strategically, try moving to a higher location. If you have a two-story office, locate your strategy meetings on the upper floor. Use high stools rather than low seating, or make sure that room has an elevated view at a window. And if all else fails, use aerial views—photographs of landscapes from above can also bring on this way of thinking.

Get a Walking Pad to Catch More Mistakes

One of the most surprising findings I’ve come across in my research found that being in motion can actually help you catch more mistakes. In a study where radiologists reinterpreted CT scans they had previously examined while seated, but this time while walking at 1 mph on a treadmill, their detection rates for clinically important findings improved dramatically—from an average of 85% while seated to 99% while walking (Kuhlman, Stroud, & Wilson, 2008).

Why is walking such a powerful cognitive enhancer? One possibility may go back to our hunter-gatherer origins: we’re wired to be scanning the environment while engaged in physical challenges. When we’re moving around, our perceptual system is on alert. So if you’re doing work that requires careful attention to detail, such as proofreading, reviewing data, or catching errors, consider getting a walking pad or treadmill desk, or at least stand up and move around periodically while you work. (I have this one, and it’s been a great addition to my home office.)

Sit by a Window to Improve Focus

This one is particularly important for anyone who struggles with concentration. Research on attention restoration theory shows that exposure to nature allows us to recover from mental fatigue and overstimulation (Kaplan, 1995). For children with ADHD, being in a green space is more supportive of their ability to focus than other settings, and the benefits extend to all of us (Taylor & Kuo, 2009).

Elements of nature—like trees, plants, flowing water, or clouds—draw on a different kind of attention that’s more gently engaging. They hold your attention softly without depleting your cognitive resources. And here’s the good news: you don’t even have to go outside. High school students with green views outside their classroom windows performed significantly better on tests requiring focused attention and recovered more effectively from stress compared to students with views of built environments (Li & Sullivan, 2016). Position your desk near a window with a view of greenery, and you’ll find it easier to sustain attention on demanding tasks.

Lower Your Ceiling for Detail Work

If you’re doing detail-oriented work that requires precision—coding, data analysis, editing—consider working in a space with a lower ceiling. Studies on classroom design found that participants in rooms with lower ceilings achieved higher scores on tests requiring focused attention and logical thinking, with test performance improving by 20% in low-ceilinged spaces (Wu, Chen, He, & Lu, 2024).

Lower ceilings constrain our thinking in a helpful way for detail work. While 10-foot ceilings promote relational and abstract thinking, 8-foot ceilings encourage more concrete, focused processing (Meyers-Levy & Zhu, 2007). So when you need to zero in on specifics and catch small errors, a lower ceiling helps your mind zoom in rather than zoom out.

Use Rosemary Scent to Enhance Working Memory

This one might sound unusual, but there’s science behind it: the aroma of rosemary essential oil can significantly enhance working memory performance. In a study with healthy adults, exposure to rosemary aroma during cognitive testing led to significant enhancements in overall quality of memory and secondary memory, and also impacted mood, with measurable changes in EEG brain wave patterns (Moss, Cook, Wesnes, & Duckett, 2003). The mechanism isn’t fully understood, but aromatic compounds may influence neurotransmitter systems involved in memory and attention.

Peppermint aroma has also been shown to enhance vigilance and sustained attention in visual tasks (Warm, Dember, & Parasuraman, 1991). If you’re doing memory-intensive work, such as studying, learning new material, or tasks requiring you to hold multiple pieces of information in mind, consider diffusing rosemary or peppermint essential oil in your workspace.

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Recently, I redesigned my own workspace to take advantage of this research. I switched to a standing desk with a walkpad to help me think more big picture and allow for more movement and postural variety throughout the day. I also added pops of green to the artwork above my desk to spur creativity. And I take daily walks outside to help restore my attention. All together, I’ve found that these changes have made a massive difference in my focus and energy throughout the day.

Which strategy are you going to try first? Let me know in the comments!

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The 2025 Aesthetics of Joy Gift Guide

2025-11-21T14:34:01Z

For many years, I’ve stayed out of the gift-guide fray. The world is already so noisy, and I never want to add to the chatter unless I have something genuinely useful to offer.

This year, though, I started thinking about the ways a gift can spark joy, and how it might be helpful to look at gifting through that lens. What if a gift guide could do more than round up pretty things, and actually help you create more joy?

Most people on your list this holiday season probably don’t need more stuff. But they might welcome more color in their days, a spark for their creativity, a way to turn ordinary routines into rituals, or something that helps them make richer memories.

The best gifts aren’t just things. They’re doorways to a more joyful life.

So… introducing the very first Aesthetics of Joy Gift Guide.

If I have a hidden agenda, it’s this: in a moment when AI is making us newly conscious of how much energy we devote to the digital world, gifts can gently call us back to the physical one. Things like simple pleasures, fresh air, making stuff by hand, sensory pleasure, shared play, and memories you can actually hold (not just scroll past).

The 2026 Aesthetics of Joy Gift Guide

EVERYDAY COLOR

Color has a way of shifting our mood instantly. These gifts brighten daily routines, infusing small moments with energy, warmth, and delight.

1. A collection of vibrant spoons to brighten h’ors doeuvres or morning coffee-making

2. A sustainable, ceramic-lined travel bottle with a whimsical confetti sleeve

3. A beautiful basket with a subtle rainbow

4. A coveted, design-forward calendar that sells out every year

5. For the avid writer, the perfect pen in a rainbow of colors

6. Everyday drinking glasses that are anything but ordinary

7. A playful twist on a classic striped sweater

8. The softest cashmere hat that comes in a rainbow of vibrant hues. (Note: this is my go-to daily hat and I can wholeheartedly endorse. Pair with colorblock cashmere socks for a cozy duet.)

9. A squeal-worthy pillow that would add joy to any style of decor. (There are matching napkins. Just sayin’)

Creative Kits

When life gets busy, creativity often slips to the bottom of the list. These kits bring it right back within reach, offering simple, satisfying ways to make and play.

10. This simple fermentation kit makes homemade kimchi and kraut a breeze

11. A shibori-dyeing kit that teaches you the Japanese art of working with indigo dyes

12. A guided sketchbook starter set

14. Everything you need to make a whimsical, Rudyard Kipling-inspired needlepoint pillow

13. Bagels, but make them joyful: this DIY rainbow bagel kit will show you how

15. A kit that teaches you how to weave your own flower basket

16. A set of handmade watercolors any budding artist would revel in. (Pair with a set of travel brushes and/or a gift certificate to one of Case For Making’s amazing online workshops)

17. Learn block printing and natural dyeing with this bandana-making kit

joyful Rituals

There’s joy in the little things we do again and again. These pieces elevate daily rhythms, making routines feel more intentional and enjoyable.

18. For your plant-loving friend, a copper watering and misting set elevates the everyday tasks of plant care

19. A beautifully designed moon phase calendar for the friend who wants to be more in touch with the cycles of the seasons

20. Getting organized and inspired becomes an enjoyable activity with this stunning oak-framed pinboard

21. Cleaning becomes almost meditative with beautiful tools

22. An essentia l set for any matcha-lover (add this kettle, which heats water to the exact right temperature for green tea, and a tin of ceremonial matcha for a complete experience)

23. The friend who wants to journal more won’t be able to resist when she has a poppy striped notebook and bright colorblock pencils

24. A pure beeswax sanctuary candle lightly scented with lavender paired with a beautifully illustrated tarot deck for the wisdom seeker

SMALL INDULGENCES

Whether it’s a beautifully made version of an everyday item or a small, unexpected treat, these gifts bring a bit of extra joy to the flow of daily life.

25. A real-deal grownup hairbrush is the kind of thing that feels special, but no one buys themselves. (Add a microfiber hair towel and the lightest yet most protective hair serum for a complete routine)

26. This nanocurrent device promises to increase collagen production, but also just gives a nice, on-demand glow (currently 20% off with code LEEHALO)

27. A grown-up charm bracelet that speaks to the inner child

28. Socks with a whimsical twist

29. A pair of heels designed to be as comfortable as flat shoes

30. An artistic tray gives cocktail hour, or even just a a desk lunch, an aesthetic upgrade

31. For the friend who has a winter beach vacation planned, a colorful caftan will spark appreciation and anticipation

32. A rainbow of non-toxic nail polish is pure whimsy

33. An iridescent gua sha tool makes skincare feel like play

34. Soft slippers in a whimsical patchwork knit

35. Does anyone need a sculptural cookbook stand? No, but it adds real pleasure to a daily task

SENSORY DELIGHTS

Joy often starts with the senses. These gifts invite moments of texture, scent, sound, and flavor that make daily life feel more vivid and alive.

36. A stroll through a lush garden in one beautiful box. (A smaller version with a scent I am so obsessed with, I might buy it for myself.)

37. I am not an incense person, but I tried these woodsy-scented incense sticks after seeing them on Ali Labelle’s instagram and they are an instant mood. (The scent is like cedar closet meets cozy campfire. Heaven!)

38. Sustainable, highly moisturizing lip balms in two highly evocative scents

39. Perfume can be hard to gift, but this discovery set takes the guesswork out of it. It includes 16 intriguing scents so you can try one each day, plus $60 off a full sized bottle.

40. A dreamy, soft, personalizable robe. (This is the robe that convinced me, a lifelong robe-hater, that I am in fact, a bathrobe person. It’s so soft yet so light)

41. The most moisturizing hand cream in three heavenly scents

42. This affordable portable speaker with great sound comes in lots of fun colors is an easy way to bring more music into the home. Create a custom “mixtape” (aka Spotify playlist) to make it more personal

43. A chef-recommended set of artisan spices reinvigorates the palette

44. The very best soaps, made in small batches from essential oils on a multigenerational farm. (Look for their special gift boxes on their site, lined with handmade papers. They’re logo-free keepsakes that are a gift in themselves!)

Hostess Gifts

Great hostess gifts are both useful and uplifting. These items offer a gracious way to say thank you and leave a lingering note of joy.

45. After all that cooking, an easy pasta night — with rainbow noodles — is the best gift a host could ask for

46. The most joyful swirly glass bowl

47. The bottle of this strawberry-scented amaro is sure to bring joy, and that’s even before anyone’s tasted the contents

48. A non-alcoholic negroni with feel-good adaptogens, this is my go-to when I’m skipping wine (20% off with code INGRID20)

49. For a party host, a simple, beautiful cake slice is the kind of thoughtful gift that will quickly get put to good use

50. This remote controlled disco light (a steal at less than $10!) will ensure the party becomes an afterparty. (We use ours as a family on weeknights, and for kids’ sleepovers and sleepunders)

51. Chocolates they’ll still be talking about in the new year

MEMORY MAKERS

Instead of adding more stuff to our lives, these gifts help us hold onto what truly counts. These picks make it easier to capture and revisit the memories we never want to lose.

52. Turn your kids’ drawings into a one-of-a-kind stuffie they’ll treasure forever

53. Yes, you could frame a photo, but a small framed piece of ephemera can make an even more unique and sentimental gift

54. Make custom Lego minifigures for every member of your family and drop them in stockings for a personalized surprise

55. For the traveler, a patterned passport case and leather-bound travel journal will ensure they keep essentials and memories close at hand

56. An heirloom quality brass recipe box keeps grandma’s treasured meals safe, and lets you build a collection of your own

57. This service guides you to create your own book of family stories, recipes, or genealogy to preserve your memories for generations. (Or hire an artist to record a custom song for someone you love)

Outdoor adventures

These gifts are designed to draw us out from behind our screens and into the sensory richness of the outdoors, one small adventure at a time.

58. An adventure pack for budding naturalists, complete with starter binoculars, compass, flashlight, and whistle

59. For less rugged types, a picnic basket offers inspiration for more refined outdoor adventures

60. A pair of running shoes so joyful you can’t help but want to lace up and get outside. (Pair with these ultimate winter running leggings — the only thing that keeps me running when the temp drops below freezing — for giftees in northern latitudes!)

61. A smokeless outdoor firepit will be the centerpiece of countless family memories. (Pair with s’mores fixins so you can put it to use right away!)

62. A backpack to brighten your nature walks. Each one is made using offcuts in a unique color combination based on the individual factory worker’s inspiration. No two are alike

63. These gardening clogs come in a rainbow of colors, for your friend with the green thumb

64. Pair this foraging toolkit with a guidebook and a beginner course, like the one from Herbal Academy

65. A beautiful set of garden tools wrapped up in a handy roll

For the Kiddos

These screen-free gifts are designed to spark imagination, encourage open-ended play, and put creativity at the heart of daily life.

67. A hooded baby towel that declares “this will not be a sad-beige childhood!”

66. The very best kids’ e asel, customizable with whiteboard or chalkboard. This one has gone the distance in our house

68. Magnatiles are a perennial favorite toy for a reason, but did you know they make Micro-Magnatiles? Perfect for restaurants and travel

69. The cutest veggie crayons

70. Thanks to this fox-shaped digital camera, I now have a willing buddy for nature walks

71. A well-written, fun graphic novel series to read together at bedtime. (Might mom occasionally read ahead to find out what’s going to happen? I won’t tell if you won’t…)

72. This paper airplane kit offers designs at a range of levels, and lots of fun surprises in how the different planes fly

73. A rare modular play couch that checks both the stylish and fun boxes

74. A fast-moving card game that has everyone laughing, and is easy to throw in your bag for restaurants or travel

75. For creative kids, Ooly’s art supply game is unmatched. A bundle of fabric doodlers, sparkle markers, paint sticks, and a sketchbook or coloring book is sure to unleash the imagination. Add stickers to confirm your status as the fun auntie. (Pro tip: I order in bulk on Black Friday and make bundles for birthday party gifts year round.)

76. These Paint-by-Sticker books are a huge hit in our house for a screen-free, low-key indoor activity. (We have the grown up ones too so we can all do them together!)

77. The rules take a minute to learn, but the endless variations make this game one to return to again and again

Beloved Books

I love a themed stack of books as a gift. To help you choose, I updated my Bookshop booklists. Here are eight different collections you can pull from to create inspiring, whimsical book bundles for your loved ones.

78. Books to inspire joyful home decor

79. Books to broaden your perspective and expand your mind

80. A selection of books to help you grow as a writer

81. Books to help you master cooking

82. A collection of books to help you cultivate an abundance mindset

83. Joyful books of poems

84. Books that spark joy

85. A collection of essential books about color

Festive Attire

These might be gifts, or they might just be a few festive pieces to wear if you’re looking to add a little sparkle and color to your holiday celebrations.

86. The most festive earrings

87. A snowy Fair Isle sweater that’s warm enough for caroling

88. Glowy drops that are like a real life Instagram filter

89. Instant, affordable sparkle

90. A big red hair b ow that makes a statement beyond the festive season

91. Shimmery tights glam up a regular LBD (25% off with code INGRID25)

92. A two-piece set just perfect for when the ball drops

93. Holiday shoes that make the outfit (and will bloom again in spring)

94. This timeless skirt is the foundation of easy, festive dressing (15% off with code INGRID15)

95. The red lip gloss I get asked about every time I wear it

96. A simple, shimmering clutch

What’s your favorite gift on this list? Or a joyful gift we missed? Let us know in the comments!

Note: If you purchase something through a link in this guide, the School of Joy may earn a small commission at no extra cost to you. Thank you for supporting our work — it truly means a lot.

The post The 2025 Aesthetics of Joy Gift Guide appeared first on The Aesthetics of Joy.

Q&A with Styles of Joy Author SC Perot

2025-08-29T16:20:08Z

Our first book club pick for the Commons (our new community) is Styles of Joy, and I’m beyond excited that author SC Perot will be joining us for an intimate conversation next Thursday, Sept 4, 2025 at 1pm ET. Members will get a reminder email next week. If you’re not a member yet and would like to join us, learn more and sign up here.

I loved this book. And, I’ll admit that when I first heard the topic, I wasn’t sure it was for me. A recently divorced woman finds joy by attending dozens of Harry Styles concerts? But as I dove in, I found myself completely charmed by the way fandom became a source of community and strength for a woman whose anchors had come unmoored, and maybe even a little envious of the easy sense of belonging that this culture created in her life. Maybe I could be a fan of something too?

There are big lessons in this book on letting go of judgment to be able to embrace joy, about small joys as a life raft during hard times, and about the power of shared joy to create fast, unbreakable bonds among strangers. There are also memorable characters and moments that linger long after the last page.

Ahead of our Commons conversation, we asked SC a few lighthearted questions. In this Q&A, she talks about the small delights that shape her life — from butterfly clips and Spice Girls to dream jobs, travel hacks, and the snack she knows might be a little polarizing..

Q&A with Styles of Joy Author SC Perot

What’s one thing you wish you’d started doing 5 years ago?

In the past few years, I have become very committed to only packing in a carryon when I travel. It is truly a game changer. Not only does it guarantee smoother travel, but it simplifies the trip itself. Fewer options mean less time in the hotel room and more time exploring!

What job do you secretly think you’d be really good at, and why?

I think I’d make a great spy. I almost didn’t put that as my answer because I delusionally think there’s still hope–ha!

If you had unlimited time and money, what hobby would you take up?

I absolutely love architecture and interior design. If I could flip houses and make creative selections all day long, I’d be a very happy camper. When friends ask my advice on furniture or fabrics, I relish the opportunity to go down an internet rabbit hole to help. Don’t tempt me with a Pinterest board.

What book have you re-read the most times?

I Guess I Haven’t Learned That Yet by Shauna Niequist is my most dog-eared and marked up book. I love lending books to friends but that one is off limits and has to stay in my library! It’s gentle, loving, and feels like you’re sitting down with an old friend over a cup of tea.

What’s your favorite weird snack?

Top Seedz 6-Seed crackers with cottage cheese is my favorite snack at the moment. I’m not sure if that’s weird but it might be controversial given that ever-polarizing cottage cheese is involved!

What’s one word you use so much that your editor would ban it from your next book?

Joy? Kidding, kidding! Probably “kaleidoscopic”–it’s one of my favorite words because it paints such a vivid visual of movement, colors, vibrancy, and energy.

What’s the first concert you ever went to?

August 26, 1998 — a night I’ll never forget: seeing the Spice Girls with my incredible aunt Katherine when I was seven years old…peak butterfly clips era. I’ll never forget my mom telling me “Aunt Kat” had a surprise for me as I was handed the landline phone with its long, curly cord trailing behind the receiver. I think it was the first time I fell on the floor from excitement.

What’s something everyone should try at least once?

Dining alone is underrated and a lost art. Being confident enough to sit at a restaurant alone with a book (and not just on your cell phone) is a great personal growth opportunity. And once you learn to be your own best company, life gets really good.

What book, movie, or song do you wish you could experience for the first time again?

Tom Lake by Ann Patchett. My partner was visiting town when I was savoring (and sobbing over) the last few pages. “Are you okay…?” he asked with concern. “Never…better…” I wept.

Who is someone you met only once, but made a huge impression on you?

When I served as a U.S. Senate Page (one of those high school kids in navy uniforms you see scurrying around if you watch C-SPAN), I very briefly met then-Senator Obama. He was busy on the campaign trail (summer of 2008) but he once came by the Senate Floor for a particular vote; his energy was unlike anything I’ve ever seen or experienced. I’ve never been around anyone so commanding yet undeniably calm at the same time. It was a great learning moment that stress doesn’t have to be outward or contagious.

If you could win a medal in any Olympic event, which would you choose?

Table tennis because you’ve forever accomplished something incredibly impressive (earning an Olympic medal) but your answer to “in which event?” would elicit entertaining reactions for a lifetime.

Click here to get more info about Styles of Joy and get a copy. And if you’d like to join us for our conversation on Sept 4, 2025, and for more conversations with authors and guest experts, join us in the Commons here.

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The Science of Intuition: Why Your Best Ideas Come When You Let Go

2026-04-14T07:02:41Z

Big news! Our most popular offering is back. Sign up for a session of our free home workshop: 5 Secrets to Designing a Joyful Home.

Years ago, in a dimly lit yoga studio, an instructor introduced me to an exercise that quietly upended my approach to not only listening, but thinking itself.

The exercise was deceptively simple. With our eyes closed, he began by asking us to gently become aware of the sounds around us. Notice the hums close by and the distant noises out in the city, beyond the studio walls. Then, he asked us to become conscious of the precise place where sound meets our consciousness. Were we sending our hearing out to chase these sounds, actively seeking them? Or were we allowing them to simply arrive at our awareness?

Until then, I had never considered that there were two ways to hear something. But once I played around with my attention, I realized that I rarely let the sounds just come to me. And what a delight it was, to reel my awareness back in from the world around and notice that the sensations made their way to me so effortlessly.

This simple exercise, which you can do in just a few minutes, has become the best metaphor I know for the difference between analytical thinking and intuition. Analytical thought is active: it takes a question, then goes out in search of the answer, trying methods, working the problem from different directions. Intuition, by contrast, is spacious. It doesn’t pursue the solution. It waits, creates space, and allows insights to surface.

The Pursuit Problem

To say that this is not a natural mode of being is an understatement. Most of us have learned to hunt down solutions. We take a question and immediately launch into pursuit mode—researching, brainstorming, working at the problem until it surrenders an answer. It’s the approach we’ve been taught since childhood, and it feels productive, urgent, necessary.

For a long time, it never occurred to me that there was an alternative. Years of encouragement to push, solve, and strive conditioned me to believe that not being pro-active was a recipe for failure. Everywhere you look, the message is the same: if you’re not hustling, you’re falling behind. The drive to be “high agency,” a current term of art among productivity bros, neatly encapsulates this idea. Successful people don’t just sit around and wait for answers. They go out and get them.

But what if this relentless pursuit is actually getting in our way?

LEarning to trust intuition

Recently, I’ve been playing with the idea of letting answers come to me, in the same way that my instructor encouraged me to do with sound all those years ago. At first, this felt awkward and uncomfortable. But over time I’ve found that greater clarity comes from living with a question and allowing space for answers to emerge.

The problem is that if you’ve spent your whole life reasoning and muscling your way through problems, you have zero experience with the phenomenon of answers surfacing on their own. Add to this that unlike logic, intuition doesn’t “show its work.” It delivers answers fully formed, without evidence or a neat chain of thought to see how it got there. So it’s not surprising that it’s hard to trust your intuition to bring you answers without you forcing them into the light. It takes a leap of faith to release control and see what happens when you’re not in the driver’s seat.

It’s very hard to break the habit of rushing into action, especially if there’s a problem that feels pressing or consequential. For a long time I would try to leave space for my intuition, but if answer didn’t come quickly, I would get nervous and jump into action. This is a little bit like a parent trying to give their child room to take more risks on the playground, but rushing in at the first little wobble. It takes both time and commitment to get the logical brain—and a parent’s protective instincts—to loosen their grip.

Creating Space for Insight

A powerful practice for making more space for intuition is focusing more on questions than on answers. Scott Britton, a writer who focuses on consciousness, gives a helpful guide to this in a recent post. He suggests writing down a list of all the questions that come to mind in a notepad before bed:

Insights would come as I was writing the questions down, in the middle of the night, when I woke up, and even days later when I was least expecting it.

The more this happened, the greater my confidence became that I could pose questions to my deeper essence and would receive the answer.

In order to realize and embody this capacity, you have to consistently experiment with it. It’s the only way you’ll start to recognize the connection between asking for things and receiving information. Otherwise, you’ll just think the information entering your awareness is random or good luck, instead of recognizing you have an ability to influence the information stream.

It’s a simple feedback loop: the more you practice living with the questions, the more you find that answers come to you naturally, and the more comfortable you get with trusting intuition alongside logical modes of thought.

The Science of Stepping Away

In case this is all sounding a little woo-woo, it’s worth noting that there’s hard science behind this. Neuroscientists John Kounios and Mark Beeman have spent years studying sudden moments of insight—those “aha!” experiences when a solution appears seemingly from nowhere.

They’ve discovered that there are two fundamentally different modes of thought: analytic and intuitive. While analytic thinking follows that logical, step-by-step problem-solving approach we’re all familiar with, intuitive breakthroughs involve periods where it feels like little progress is happening, following by a sudden, holistic sense of an answer. These modes of thought don’t just feel different—they actually create distinct patterns of neural activity in the brain.

What’s particularly fascinating is their research on the “incubation effect”—those moments when unexpected insights strike during walks, sleep, or other periods of distraction. What’s happening in your mind during those breaks isn’t what most people assume. The common belief is that your unconscious mind keeps grinding away at the problem in the background, systematically trying different analytical approaches while you’re focused elsewhere. But Kounios’s research suggests something far more interesting.

He finds that the brain maintains a collection of loose associations and half-formed possibilities—potential answers that exist at the edges of your awareness. When you’re in tightly focused analytical mode, those wilder, more creative solutions don’t rise up to consciousness. They get crowded out by the logical, conventional approaches that feel more “right” or immediate.

But when you step away from a task—when you’re sleeping, showering, or lightly distracted—you release the logical mind’s dictatorial control over your through processes, allowing those stranger, less obvious possibilities to surface. Your brain isn’t working harder; it’s working differently, giving room for the unexpected connections to emerge. Psychologists call this “fixation forgetting”—letting go of your grip on obvious solutions so novel answers can slip through.

The Joy Connection

What helps create the conditions for this kind of breakthrough thinking? One surprising factor is joy.

Psychologist Alice Isen’s research has shown that inducing positivity can promote more flexible and creative thought. For example, in one famous study, doctors who were primed to be in a positive mood came to a correct diagnosis more quickly, and were less likely to get stuck on their initial hunches. More recently, research by social psychologist Teresa Amabile revealed that people consistently experienced a spike of happiness a day or two before major work breakthroughs. (Described in Kounios and Beeman, 2015)

This finding suggests something profound about the relationship between joy and insight. Those moments of lightness—a perfect cup of coffee, time spent in nature, or engaging in something purely for pleasure—aren’t frivolous breaks from serious thinking. They’re actually creating optimal conditions for more intuitive problem-solving.

The implication is striking: doing something that genuinely delights you might be the most productive thing you can do when you’re stuck.

Two Modes of Mind

While it’s often framed as a binary—analytical vs. intuitive—the reality is that we need both ways of thinking to be effective. As Kounios and Beeman’s research shows, the intuitive thought process often brings up different, less obvious solutions than the logical approach. But because the current model of schooling and work culture so heavily favor logic, most of us are given neither the space nor the encouragement to nurture our intuition.

To overcome this bias, we need to practice being intentionally receptive. This is different from just being passive or disengaged. It means being rigorous about asking questions, and just as rigorous about leaving space for the intuitive mind to work.

What works for you in creating space for your intuitive mind to take over? I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments!

And if you’d like to chat about this with me and a group of curious, creative folks, please join us in the Commons, our new online community! Get the details and sign up here.

Reminder: My free live home workshop is back! Learn how to create a home you love without moving, renovating, or spending money you don’t have. Save your seat right here.

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Introducing the Aesthetics of Joy x Hygge & West Wallpaper Collection

2026-04-14T05:25:34Z

Heads up: Our most popular offering is back! RSVP for a session of our free home workshop: 5 Secrets to Designing a Feel Good Home.

For more than a decade, I’ve been exploring how the aesthetics around us — color, shape, texture, and pattern — can lift our spirits. And I’ve often been asked: How can I bring these ideas into my home?

Today, I’m thrilled to share a new answer to that question: a wallpaper collection created in collaboration with Hygge & West, designed to turn the science of joy into something you can live with every day.

Each pattern in this collection is grounded in research on the visual elements that bring us joy, like vibrant color, symmetry, playful shapes, and natural motifs, and inspired by the season of simple pleasures: summer. Whether it’s the abundance of a sun-warmed garden, the pleasure of a beach day, or the charm of a backyard picnic, the designs aim to infuse everyday spaces with a sense of delight.

→ Explore the full collection here

Meet the Patterns

Heirloom

Heirloom was inspired by my family’s favorite time of year: tomato season. The longest, hardest wait of every summer is for the tomatoes to ripen at our local farm. All July, we watch and wait. Then suddenly, abundance! We get lost in the vines, filling our baskets and pockets with sun-ripened fruits. The birds trill and my son sits down in a lush patch, popping cherry tomatoes directly into his mouth. Pure joy!

This pattern shines in kitchens, dining rooms, or anywhere you want to evoke warmth and abundance.
→ Available in Mist, White, Blush, and Ebony.

Picnic

Few words hold as much excitement for me as “picnic.” When else could a striped blanket tiled with Tupperware feel like a banquet? As a child, I often went along when my friend Deirdre’s family used to have picnics in a big open field by the Hudson River. Now, ours usually happen on the beach. A wavy-striped blanket is the timeless constant, a pattern that says “this is the place.”

Picnic feels at home in casual gathering spaces — breakfast nooks, sunrooms, or entryways that welcome you with a smile.
→ Available in Berry, Blue, Midnight, Blush, and Parchment.

Lanai

My husband’s family lives in Hawaii, and in Joyful I wrote about how my trips to these vibrant islands awakened me to how much I craved more sensory richness in my daily life. The Aloha shirt is a perfect example of this: its exuberant patterns stand in joyful contrast to the neutral wardrobes so common in big cities. I had the idea to create a pattern inspired by the rich tradition of Hawaiian shirts, incorporating flowers from my own garden — dahlias, cosmos, hydrangeas, and ferns — as a reminder that vitality is all around us.

Brings a sense of ease and quiet lushness—ideal for bedrooms, bathrooms, or places meant for rest and retreat. Would also make a dreamy home office!
→ Available in Parchment, Sun, Mint, and Ebony.

Parasol

I’ve always loved how a beach dotted with multicolored umbrellas transforms into a spontaneous pattern. The overlapping shapes come together to create a cheerful mosaic, a vibrant, harmonious whole. Inspired by this, we reimagined the scene as a bold, abstract pattern designed to capture the exuberance of summer by the sea.

A few joyful ideas: try it in a powder room for a bold surprise, use it to create a playful playroom, or in a hallway that could use a lift. And if you happen to have a pool house, this pattern is the perfect fit!
→ Available in Coral, Sea Glass, Cornflower, Sun, and Marine

Bringing Joy Home

We spend so much time in our homes, and how those spaces feel has a real impact on our energy, focus, and well-being. That’s why I created this collection: to help people design homes that don’t just look beautiful, but actually feel good to live in.

Bringing this collection to life has been its own source of joy — from the earliest mood boards and color palettes to refining the smallest details of scale and repeat. I’m so grateful to the team at Hygge & West for their thoughtful collaboration, and I can’t wait to see how these patterns come to life in your home.

→ Explore the full collection here

Ready to create a home that feels just right? RSVP for a session of our once-a-year free home workshop. (Sessions coming April 21 and 22!) You’ll learn 5 design secrets that have helped thousands transform their spaces without renovating or breaking the bank.

The post Introducing the Aesthetics of Joy x Hygge & West Wallpaper Collection appeared first on The Aesthetics of Joy.

7 Key Joy Indicators: How to Measure What Really Matters at Work

2026-04-14T07:03:23Z

7 Key Joy Indicators: How to Measure What Really Matters at Work

Quick announcement: Our once-a-year home design workshop is back! Discover 5 secrets to transform your current space into one you truly love. Save your spot before it fills up!

In a world obsessed with metrics, we’ve become experts at measuring everything from website traffic to quarterly earnings. Yet in the process, we often overlook something important: our experience of work on a daily basis.

Recently, I wrote about the idea of viewing joy as an essential metric of success, exploring how prioritizing joy can lead to more meaningful achievements and greater overall wellbeing. In response to this post, one comment on LinkedIn suggested the introduction of “Key Joy Indicators” — a playful twist on the ubiquitous KPIs (Key Performance Indicators) that dominate our professional landscape.

This idea resonated deeply with me. Experience has shown that we tend to get more of what we measure. If our measurements don’t account for joy, then it’s no surprise that joy is seen as tangential to our work lives. (As one response on Instagram noted, “Wait… are we supposed to be enjoying our jobs?”) If we could gather a list of Key Joy Indicators, we could start to become more aware of the companies, bosses, clients, projects, and career paths that actually light us up.

The Joy Gap at Work

Before diving into specific indicators, it’s important to acknowledge the significant “joy gap” that exists in today’s workplace. Research shows that while 90% of employees expect to feel joy at work, only 37% actually experience high levels of joy in their jobs. This disconnect isn’t just unfortunate — it’s costly.

When joy is missing from our work lives, we’re more susceptible to burnout, less creative, and less productive. Studies show that joyful employees are up to 12% more efficient in their work. Joyful salespeople garner higher customer satisfaction scores. Joyful business leaders make better decisions and their teams are more collaborative, completing their work with less effort than more dour bosses. Across a range of fields and levels, joy is strongly linked to high performance.

Closing this joy gap isn’t just about feeling good — it’s about creating workplaces where people can thrive and do their best work. This is where Key Joy Indicators (KJIs) come in.

What Are Key Joy Indicators?

Unlike revenue or production numbers, joy is notoriously difficult to measure. It feels highly subjective — what brings one person joy might be different from another. Joy is an emotion, and that has a fuzzy quality to it, one that feels like the very opposite of measurable.

Key Joy Indicators translate the ambiguity of joy into clear, concrete signs you can look for to know that your work is pleasurable, is aligned with your values, and brings you genuine fulfillment. Unlike traditional KPIs, which measure external outcomes, KJIs measure your internal experience — how your work makes you feel and how it impacts your overall wellbeing.

By tracking these indicators, you can assess whether your current work situation is lighting you up or whether something might need to shift. They serve as an early warning system, helping you make adjustments before dissatisfaction turns into burnout.

The following KJIs emerged from reader suggestions and my own research over the years. Let’s explore how these measures can help you gauge the joy quotient in your professional life:

1. Laughter and Smiles

One of the most immediate indicators of joy at work is how often you find yourself laughing or smiling. Neuroscience research shows that laughter activates the brain’s reward system, releasing dopamine and creating feelings of pleasure and satisfaction.

More importantly, laughter is a social signal that indicates feeling safe and at ease. When we laugh with colleagues, we’re not just enjoying a moment of humor — we’re building trust and connection. As one former coworker shared with me, “I realized mid-meeting this morning that I’d been smiling the entire time.” That spontaneous, unconscious expression of delight speaks volumes about how her work environment made her feel.

In environments where laughter is rare, people often report feeling tense, guarded, or unable to be themselves. If you can’t remember the last time you genuinely laughed at work, it might be a sign that something needs to change.

2. Excitement About Your Work

When was the last time you couldn’t wait to share a project you were working on? That feeling of pride and enthusiasm is a powerful KJI.

This excitement manifests in different ways — perhaps you find yourself thinking about your work during off-hours, not from stress but from genuine curiosity. Maybe you eagerly anticipate feedback because you’re proud of what you’ve created. Or perhaps you notice yourself bringing up your work in conversations with friends because you find it genuinely interesting.

I want to stress that this indicator isn’t about toxic hustle culture or working around the clock. Rather, it’s about feeling connected to the purpose and impact of your work in a way that truly motivates you.

3. Connections

The quality of our connections at work profoundly impacts our experience of joy. When collaboration flourishes over competition, work becomes more fulfilling and creative.

Unfortunately, many companies inadvertently create a scarcity mindset through competitive incentive structures, pitting colleagues against each other. This approach might drive short-term results, but it often leads to a cutthroat environment where joy withers.

In contrast, workplaces that foster genuine collaboration create space for what psychologists call “collective effervescence” — that magical feeling when a group clicks and creates something greater than the sum of its parts. Notice how much time you spend collaborating with colleagues versus competing with them. When you think about others in your field, do you naturally see them as competitors or potential collaborators? Is your network of supportive connections growing or shrinking?

Your answers to these questions reveals a lot about the joy potential in your work environment.

4. Anticipation Rather Than Dread

Sunday night anxiety has become so common that we almost accept it as inevitable. But dreading the workweek ahead isn’t normal or necessary. Instead, I think we should view it as a sign that something is amiss.

When work brings joy, you’ll notice yourself looking forward to aspects of your day. This doesn’t mean every moment is blissful, but there should be elements you genuinely anticipate — perhaps a creative project, a meeting with a favorite client, or collaboration with colleagues you respect. And just as importantly, while there may be challenging or frustrating aspects to your work, you ideally won’t feel a creeping sense of fear or aversion when it comes to work.

Pay attention to how you feel when you think about the day or week ahead. If the predominant emotion is dread rather than anticipation, your work may be out of alignment with what brings you joy.

5. Energy Levels

Perhaps one of the most telling KJIs is what happens to your energy when you’re working. Does your work energize you or deplete you?

When we’re engaged in work that aligns with our values and strengths, we often experience what psychologists call harmonious passion — a type of motivation that energizes rather than exhausts. You might notice that even after a challenging day, you feel satisfied rather than drained.

Contrast this with work that leaves you feeling emotionally and physically exhausted, where even small tasks require enormous effort. While all work requires energy, there’s a profound difference between the healthy tiredness that comes from meaningful effort and the soul-deep fatigue that signals misalignment.

6. Time Perception

“Time flies when you’re having fun” isn’t just a saying — it’s a psychological phenomenon called “flow.” When we’re in a flow state, we become so immersed in what we’re doing that we lose track of time.

This state of flow is one of the hallmarks of play, where we become fully present and engaged. When work induces this state regularly, it’s a strong indicator that you’re in the right place, doing the right thing.

Notice how aware you are of the clock during your workday. Are you constantly checking the time, counting down until you can leave? Or do you sometimes look up, surprised to find that hours have passed without you noticing? The latter suggests work that brings genuine joy.

7. Engagement in Workplace Events

How people show up for optional workplace events speaks volumes about whether an organization has a culture of joy. When employees enthusiastically participate in company gatherings, workshops, or celebrations, it suggests they value the organization and feel valued by the organization, beyond just their paycheck.

This indicator works on both personal and organizational levels. For yourself, notice whether you look forward to workplace events or find excuses to avoid them. For your organization, observe the general energy level at these gatherings — are people physically present but disengaged, or actively participating?

High engagement indicates that people feel connected to the organization and to each other — essential components of a joyful work environment.

Additional Key Joy Indicators Worth Considering

Beyond these seven core indicators, several others might be worth tracking:

Creative flow: How often do you experience moments of creative inspiration or problem-solving breakthroughs?
Authenticity: Do you feel you can be yourself at work, or are you constantly self-censoring?
Growth: Does your work challenge you in ways that lead to development rather than frustration?
Purpose alignment: Does your work feel meaningful and connected to values you care about?
Physical wellbeing: How does your work affect your sleep, appetite, and overall physical health?

Putting Key Joy Indicators into Practice

Unlike traditional KPIs, KJIs aren’t about hitting numerical targets. They’re about developing awareness of your internal experience and using that awareness to make intentional choices about your work life.

Here are some ways to incorporate KJIs into your professional life:

Create a joy journal: Spend a few minutes at the end of each workday noting your experience of the KJIs that matter most to you. Over time, patterns will emerge that can guide your decisions.
Set joy intentions: Before beginning your workday or a specific project, set an intention to notice moments of joy and to create conditions where joy can flourish.
Conduct regular joy audits: Every quarter, assess how your work is measuring up against your KJIs. If you notice consistent deficits, consider what changes might help — whether that’s shifting responsibilities, having a conversation with your manager, or exploring new opportunities.
Share with your team: Introduce the concept of KJIs to your colleagues. Creating a shared language around joy at work can transform not just your experience, but your entire workplace culture.

Joy’s Positive Feedback Loop

When we prioritize joy in our work lives, the benefits extend far beyond our individual experience. Joyful workers create joyful workplaces, which in turn create more innovative, productive, and humane organizations.

While many people see joy at work as just a fantasy, I believe that we all deserve to enjoy the labor to which we are devoting our bodies and minds each day. To me, the idea that joy should be separate from work is a sign of something broken in our society. I hope that by introducing the notion of Key Joy Indicators we can begin to shift our workplace culture so that joy is not just a nice-to-have, but an essential sign of a healthy, productive organization.

By tracking your Key Joy Indicators and making choices that increase your joy at work, you demonstrate that joy has value and you carve a path that makes these choices more available to those around you.

What Key Joy Indicators resonate most with you? Are there others you’d add to this list? I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments below.

Image: Nikita Pishchugin via Unsplash

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The post 7 Key Joy Indicators: How to Measure What Really Matters at Work appeared first on The Aesthetics of Joy.

Why Joy Should Be Your Primary Success Metric in Work and Life

2026-04-14T07:04:10Z

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When I was a kid in the 80s, I often daydreamed about my work life as an adult. I wasn’t sure what I’d be doing exactly, but I pictured myself at a big desk in a corner office near the top of a New York City skyscraper. I wore a sleek gray skirt suit and high heels, dictating instructions into the phone and getting in and out of the yellow taxis that took me to my big, important business meetings. There were flowers on my desk and a helpful assistant to bring me coffee. I had made it.

Of course, as I got older, this vision — which perhaps had been a little overly influenced by the movie Working Girl — began to shift. My dreams were more “creative job” and “published book” than “corner office” and “high heels” but I was still highly motivated by external markers of success, such as my title, my income, and the number of influential people who linked to my blog. I often looked to those traditional success metrics to help me understand what progress meant as I forged an unconventional career in a field without a roadmap. But using these measures to define my success had serious tradeoffs.

Why Joy Should Be Your Primary Success Metric in Work and Life

When you think about success, what does it look like to you? How do you measure it?

Many of us have been taught to measure our success through some combination of professional achievement, financial security, and social recognition. Practically speaking, success often means climbing the ladder, getting the promotion, gaining influence, and accumulating accolades.

But what if, in our pursuit of these external markers of achievement, we’ve overlooked the most important metric of all: joy?

The Problem with Traditional Success Metrics

Society trains us to view happiness as a series of hoops to jump through; we hustle and strive, racking up prescribed accomplishments in career, family, and material acquisition. But this view of success and happiness comes at a high cost.

The problem? We are constantly being forced to pit our future success against our present joy. We’re taught that success demands sacrifice, and that we cannot afford to waste a day basking in the sunshine or to let a deadline slip because we got absorbed in a creative project. We’re taught that hobbies are worthless unless they can be turned into side hustles. Vacations are a reward we get only when we’ve worked ourselves to exhaustion.

This modern prescription for happiness keeps us perpetually seeking, always reaching for the next achievement. Yet even — perhaps especially — among the most accomplished people, there is a profound sense that something is missing. No matter how much we achieve, we never quite feel satisfied by it or worthy of enjoying it.

The Arrival Fallacy: Why Joy Matters More Than Achievement

One sign that this way of measuring success is failing us is that we often reach our desired milestone only to find the promised happiness has somehow slipped through our fingers. Sometimes the goal took so long to achieve that we no longer want what we’d been seeking. Sometimes we’re already fixated on the next challenge. Psychologists call this the arrival fallacy: the illusion that achieving a long-sought goal will bring lasting happiness, only to find ourselves strangely unmoved when we get there.

Ironically, our habit of delayed gratification often bears responsibility for those big moments falling flat. We believe the sacrifices we make in pursuit of our goals will make the reward sweeter, but by denying ourselves daily pleasures, we hollow out our lives and create expectations that no milestone could possibly fulfill. By focusing on daily moments of joy rather than delayed gratification, we redefine what it means to thrive at work and in life.

What we often overlook is that a vibrant life isn’t built on occasional peak experiences but on accumulated moments of joy. Meaningful relationships develop through regular shared experiences — casual dinners, weekend adventures, or simple conversations. Career satisfaction stems not just from promotions but from finding daily engagement in our work. As Annie Dillard notes, “How we spend our days is how we spend our lives.”

The Science of Joy as a Success Metric

Though modern life often relegates joy to the margins, joy is our original success metric, evolved to indicate moments of thriving. We experience joy when we’re energized, connected, free from fear, and absorbed in meaningful tasks. By recognizing joy as a measure of true success, we gain insight into when we’re actually flourishing.

But joy isn’t just a reflection of success — it’s a powerful catalyst for happiness at work and overall life satisfaction. Research shows that joy enhances workplace performance across a range of metrics, from memory and creative thinking to problem-solving and productivity. Joyful salespeople generate higher customer satisfaction and repeat business. Joyful leaders foster more efficient and collaborative teams.

Joy also boosts motivation, aligning with its evolutionary role in shaping our preferences and behaviors. Studies show that joy creates a virtuous cycle at work. The more we enjoy our tasks, the more engaged we become, which in turn deepens satisfaction and sparks creativity.

Each experience of joy also increases our capacity for future happiness. Feeling joy literally expands our perspective, allowing us to take in more information through our peripheral vision and putting us on alert to opportunity. It primes us to be friendly and playful, and increases our likelihood of taking actions that further enhance our mental health. Psychologists call these upward spirals — positive feedback loops where joy effortlessly begets more joy, guiding us toward happiness.

Using Joy As Your Compass For True Success

When we use joy as our primary metric for success, we begin to see how choices in the moment impact our overall happiness. In my own life, this has led to a shift from focusing on how my life appears to how it feels.

This shift doesn’t mean abandoning ambition or responsibility. After all, it can feel really good to tackle big problems or show up for others at work, when we’re doing it in a sustainable way. For me, measuring my success through joy puts more focus on the process. If I’m going to spend three years writing a book, am I enjoying the work most days? Or does it feel like a stressful chore that I’m doing just for the recognition? Real success for me means finding daily moments of joy in the work (even if some parts are hard) AND feeling overjoyed by what it all adds up to at the end.

Redefining Success Through the Lens of Joy

To make this a little more concrete, let’s look at some ways that success looks different when we measure it through joy. Here are some ways to reimagine success:

1. Success as presence rather than accomplishment

Instead of measuring success by what you’ve achieved, measure it by how fully present you were in your life. Were you able to be fully engaged in conversations with loved ones, or were you mentally rehearsing tomorrow’s presentation? Did you notice the changing seasons, or did the year fly by in a blur of deadlines?

Ina Garten famously prioritizes presence in her work. Instead of setting long-term goals, Garten prefers to focus on doing her best each day, which allows her to be open to unexpected opportunities.

2. Success as connection rather than competition

Instead of measuring success by how you stack up against others, measure it by the depth and quality of your connections. Have you nurtured meaningful relationships? How vulnerable and authentic have you been with those you care about? Have you built a community where you feel seen and supported?

This lens on success really hit home for me when I published my first book. Having experienced cutthroat competition in prior roles, I braced myself for other authors to be protective of their “turf” and to have to get the word out about my book on my own. I couldn’t have been more surprised to discover how generously other authors celebrated and boosted my work.

I had always believed that I needed to be independent and feared letting my success depend on the efforts of others. But over time, I’ve learned that setting aside competition, leaning on others and letting others lean on me creates something far more valuable and unexpected than I could create on my own.

3. Success as alignment rather than achievement

Instead of measuring success by external achievements, measure it by how aligned your life is with your values and natural inclinations. Does your work engage your strengths and interests? Are you living in a way that honors what matters most to you? Do your choices reflect your authentic self?

Patagonia’s “Let my people go surfing” ethos epitomizes this idea of alignment. Founder Yvon Chouinard established a corporate culture where employees are encouraged to take time off when the surf conditions are good. This philosophy offers freedom and autonomy, trusting people to do their work in a way that allows them to align their lives to values of balance and spending time in nature, resulting in higher employee retention and stronger environmental advocacy.

4. Success as vitality rather than productivity

Instead of measuring success by how much you get done, measure it by your energy and enthusiasm for life. Do you wake up looking forward to the day? Do you have energy for the people and activities you love? How alive and engaged do you feel in your daily life?

This point is especially important given findings by Deloitte that 77 percent of workers have experienced burnout at their jobs, and that 70 percent believe that their employers are not doing enough to alleviate burnout.

5. Success as abundance rather than status

Instead of measuring success by your status or reputation, which depend on external approval, define abundance for yourself and measure your success against your own definition. How much of your day is spent doing things you genuinely enjoy? Do you have freedom over your time? Access to beauty or fun? How much influence are you able to have on causes that matter to you?

One way to think about this is the difference between status and wealth. While status is a “scarcity game,” where success depends on beating others out for limited rewards, wealth is infinite because you define it on your own terms. Wealth for one person might mean having the freedom to be able to garden at 10am on a Tuesday, while for another it might mean going out to dinner without looking at the prices on the menu. The key is that when we’re talking about wealth, no one needs to lose for you to reach your greatest dreams of success.

Practical Steps to Cultivate Joy As Your Primary Metric

Here are some practical ways to begin using joy as your primary metric for success:

1. Track your joy

Just as you might track your steps or your spending, try tracking your joy. At the end of each day, note the moments that brought you joy, no matter how small. Over time, patterns will emerge that can guide your choices.

2. Conduct a joy audit

Make a list of your biggest achievements. Which ones have contributed in a lasting way to your joy? Which ones seemed big at the time but didn’t bring lasting joy? What differences do you notice? Now look at your current goals and notice which ones seem most aligned with your joy.

3. Redefine your goals

For each area of your life (work, relationships, health, etc.), define what success looks like in terms of joy rather than achievement. For example, instead of “get promoted,” your measure of success at work might be “find work that makes me feel alive” or “build a network of like-minded colleagues.”

4. Identify measures of success (and celebrate them)

Part of taking a more joyful approach to success means not postponing joy until you reach big milestones, but celebrating smaller successes along the way. What are some mini-milestones along the way toward your joy-centered goals? If your goal is to work in a more collaborative way, perhaps you might celebrate when you’ve successfully invited three colleagues to coffee. If your goal is to feel more alive at work, you might celebrate the first time you come home and aren’t totally exhausted. The more you celebrate these milestones, the more you reinforce your definition of success.

How Joy-Centered Success Creates Positive Ripple Effects

When we redefine success through the lens of joy, the effects ripple outward into all areas of our lives. Our work becomes more creative and impactful. Relationships deepen and flourish. Our health improves as we reduce stress and increase positive emotions.

But perhaps most importantly, we begin to live in a way that honors our inherent worth and natural inclinations. We stop trying to prove ourselves through achievement and start expressing ourselves through joy. As we do this, we offer others a healthier, more sustainable model of success.

A New Definition of Success

Making this shift means rewiring a deep form of programming that tells us we are only worthy of joy when we earn it through hard work and accomplishments. This programming is deep and doesn’t shift overnight. Yet when we accept the idea that joy is our natural state, we start to remember that isn’t just a pleasant byproduct of success. It’s the very essence of a successful life.

What would change if you made joy your primary measure of success? I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments.

To start putting this idea into practice, figure out your Key Joy Indicators here.

Image: The Confetti Project

Reminder: My free live home workshop is back! Learn how to create a home you love without moving, renovating, or spending money you don’t have. Save your seat right here.

The post Why Joy Should Be Your Primary Success Metric in Work and Life appeared first on The Aesthetics of Joy.