Andrew J. Fletcher

I made an art. It is for sale.

2013-03-07T06:09:17Z

I have made an art.

It is for sale.

Pen and acrylic on wood.

Its name is HUEVO, and it can be yours.

It costs $5000.

If you are interested, contact me or leave a contact.

My Thoughts on Lexington Avenue

2012-12-18T22:48:26Z

Lexington Ave. and College St. Photo by Derek Olson, via asheville-nc-photography.com

This is a Letter to the Editor style post in response to two articles in the Mountain Xpress. The first was published in the print edition December 5: No easy answers: Lexington Avenue’s uncertain future by David Forbes. The second was published online December 12: Merchants protest Dec. 5 Lexington Avenue story by Caitlin Byrd.

I used to work in the production department for a daily, independently owned and published newspaper. We frequently heard the kinds of concerns expressed in Ms. Byard’s article and we had to tread carefully. I listened carefully to the in-house editorial discussions about what to do when advertisers expressed concerns about publicity they perceived as negative.

First and foremost, a newspaper has to be honest to its readers, otherwise readers will feel cheated and look elsewhere, which ultimately hurts the newspaper’s bottom line and diminishes the sense of community that a quality newspaper provides. A reader who is less likely to trust the editorial content is also less likely to trust the advertisements in such a newspaper. For an extreme example: Ask yourself how much you trust the advertisements in the tabloids in the checkout line. About as much as their exposé story of ‘Bat Boy’? A newspaper with integrity is a better place for consumers to make choices about where to spend their dollars. Pulling advertising because of a ‘negative’ story hurts the advertiser and the consumer more than than the newspaper.

Can an article on increased crime lead to less crime in the future? Because of the respect that the XPress has in our community and it’s continued ability to start constructive dialog (such as this one), I think so. A negative story can increase and maintain the integrity of a newspaper, leading to positive change for the entire community. The Xpress has that legitimacy because it doesn’t look the other way when confronted with an uglier face of reality than we would all like to see. I put a high value on that.

The December 5 article says that crime rates are relatively stable. If that’s the case, the article loses a lot of punch. Let’s look at a scenario. In response to a handful of high profile crimes and anecdotal evidence (blood on the street, fights, nameless transients) a few business owners cry wolf. Police add more resources and officers, get more arrests and write more citations which shows up as an increase in reported crime. If law enforcement works, this should occur right before the actual level of criminal activity goes down due to the added law enforcement. I think we’re in the middle of that scenario right now, before we see the benefits. Another thing to consider when evaluating law enforcement comments about rising crime rates — their jobs depend on the populace maintaining a certain level of fear. I’ve never known a police officer to say “everything’s great, you’re all safe as possible, you can lower our funding now.”

A problem to be overcome with this sort of ‘trend investigation’ journalism is how to weigh the positive developments that have come recently to the neighborhood, and how to get an apples-to-apples comparison with the negatives. Safety and fun is difficult to measure, while crime rates are readily accessible (see CrimeReports.com). Another question to ask might be: Has the crime risen in proportion to the revenue growth of downtown business? That could be instructive. I suspect that the dollar-spent-per-crime rate has gone down. Mr. Forbes could perhaps look into this aspect of it.

My call to Xpress advertisers and readers is simple. Look at the bigger picture and think about where we’d like to be in a year or two or five. Seemingly ‘negative’ publicity can be like paving a road — in exchange for traffic problems now, we get less problems in the future. I know that doesn’t help a small business-owner who’s trying to make payroll this week in the offseason. But take a deep breath — you’ll be alright. I work, drink, eat, walk, shop and hangout on Lexington Avenue nearly every day. Warts and all, it’s my favorite part of town. And I think it’s changing for the better.

The Roaring Lions EP

2012-10-12T23:21:06Z

A little over a year ago, my friend Henry and I were invited by Je Widenhouse to sit in on his weekly gig at 5 Walnut Wine Bar here in downtown Asheville. Je and Henry are current members of the Squirrel Nut Zippers and Je and I are current members of Firecracker Jazz Band and Henry is the former tuba player, so we had a large songbook in common. We had a lot of fun that night, made some good music and got a great response. So we slapped a name on our trio, started up a Facebook account, printed up some business cards and called it a band. As far as I can tell from my research, we are the world’s first and only tuba-trumpet-piano trio in existence. If you know of another, tell me.

We are The Roaring Lions.

We have just released our first recordings.

You can buy our record on Bandcamp, or from us in person when you see us perform for $5. Also, you can Bookface love us. Our CD release will take place this Sunday October 14, at 5 Walnut Wine Bar at 7pm.

From my Files: Eight Articles

2013-01-30T19:56:25Z

I was going through my Downloads folder the other day and doing some sorting and throwing out of old torrents and what not, and noticed a several articles that I had read in the past year. Just PDFs that I had downloaded and read. Some of them were sources I used for classes at UNCA, some were just points along my personal learning journey. I think they were pretty interesting and eclectic, and had good memories of reading them. So I’m sharing them, with a brief description. I’ve put them in alphabetical order. PDFs will open in a new window.

Ambient Temperature and Violent Crime: Tests of the Linear and Curvilinear Hypotheses
- Do changes in temperature correlate to crime rates? If so, what is that relationship? Journal of Personality and Social Psychology. Published 1984, Vol. 46, No. 1, 91–97. 6 pages. 775 kb.
Apollo 11 Technical Crew Debriefing
- Aldrin, Collins and Armstrong discuss the entire Apollo 11 mission, from suiting up to moon landing, returning to Earth and comments on the nuts and bolts of how everything worked from the viewpoint of the men who had to make it work. National Aeronautics and Space Agency, July 31st 1969. 156 pages. 1.2 mb.
Handgun Wounding and Effectiveness
- There is a lot of misinformation about what makes a gun deadly, and what exactly the effects of a bulletin on the human body are. Here is a frighteningly well-researched study by the FBI on just that. Bonus: “FOR LAW ENFORCEMENT DISSEMINATION ONLY.” US Department of Justice, Federal Bureau of Investigation. Published July 14, 1989. 16 pages. 203 kb.
Hydrofracking: The Need for Responsible Gas Drilling Regulation and the Role of Natural Gas
- Looks at the problems of hydrofracking, and assesses what could be done to make it safe way to access energy. More articles from the publisher, an independent energy thinktank, are available here. I don’t smell petro-dollars here, but as always, reader discretion is advised. Energy Vision. 2011. 14 pages. 720 kb.
McMahon-Hussein Correspondence: Comments and a Reply
- Why does the state of Israel exist? What established the borders? Who was involved in those decisions and how did that make them? McMahon-Hussein is a big piece of that story. Arnold Toynbee addresses these questions from an academic, not a political viewpoint. Journal of Contemporary History, Vol. 5, No. 4 (1970), pp. 185–201. 18 pages. 518 kb.
Road to Riches
- Where does wealth come from? Over thousands of years, the standard of living of humans has crawled slowly forward, until about 250 years ago in Western Europe. Why? Given Mitt Romney’s recent comments about the economic advantages of Israeli culture. The Economist, Dec 23rd 1999. 8 pages. 228 kb.
Power Notes: Slide Presentations Reconsidered
- Most PowerPoint presentation are awful. But it can be used with purpose and serve to enlighten rather than bore and distract your audience. IIID International Institute for Information Design Swinburne University of Technology. 2011. 67 pages. 7.2 mb.
A Steampunk’s Guide to the Apocalypse
- A fun and stylish look at how the technology of the past could help you survive the disaster of the future. Steampunk Magazine. October 2007. 31 pages. 7.9 mb.

Do banks lose more money to robbery or to stolen pens?

2013-01-16T20:59:57Z

While making a deposit at the bank the other day and realizing I didn’t have a pen in my pocket, I thought about stealing the pen on the deposit counter. This kind of little theft happens all the time, and we all do it. It’s like doing 51 in a 45 mph zone — we don’t really consider it wrong. So I thought, how much do banks spend in a year in replacing all the pens that all of us miscreants blithely walk away with? Is it more than banks lose to robberies?

Because banks don’t publish their annual pen budget, I have to run this backwards and see where the two amounts meet. I’ve done the research, so let’s do some math. Here are my results.

Number of bank branches in US (2010): 98,515. [Source]
Cost of a single pen (current): approx. $0.25 [Source]
Lost amount of cash and travelers checks, minus the amount recovered in the US (2010): $34,823,034 [Source]

So what I’m really asking here is: ($0.25 cost of a pen) x (?? number of pens) = $34,823,034 amount stolen.

So, we would need to steal 139,292,136 pens a year to equal the amount that banks lose to robberies. Divide that number by the number of bank branches and the minimum number of days a bank is open every year (365 — weekends and bank holidays = 250) and you get an easily digestible answer. If every bank branch in America loses 5.7 pens per day to theft, then banks spend more on pens than they lose from robberies.

Ta-da! To answer these kinds of questions I was inspired by the book Freakonomics, which I only recently read. Asking novel questions is fun. Thankfully, the internet has made these kinds of knowledge journeys much easier. Imagine trying to do this 15 years ago…

Silent Sundays

2012-02-15T07:12:50Z

A few months ago my roommate Jon Ammons and I were deep in conversation about something modern and forgettable and droll when we had the novel idea to resurrect a dead art. Namely, that of the silent film with piano accompaniment. We were not unprepared. Jon has a serious and longstanding interesting in films from the silent era and I have a serious interest in music of the same. Realizing that we were strangely well-suited to the task and coupled with our life of the idle passions of bachelor creatives, we set upon making this dream a reality.

I designed the posters, we booked a venue, arranged for a piano, projector and popcorn, promoted and procured press and pulled it off like pros. It was one of the most fun and successful events that I’ve ever been a part of without the aid of a well-established band. It’s a hell of a lot of work compared to the money I make, but it’s a passion project. Passion matters a lot in my world.

Thanks to all the people who came out for the shows and especially those who came out for both. We’re doing another Silent Sunday on March 18. The film is yet to be determined.

Anti-SOPA Solidarity

2012-01-17T01:52:09Z

In solidarity with Wikipedia, Reddit and other sites my blog will be joining the anti-SOPA blackout on Wednesday, January 18. Though I don’t receive a lot of traffic and my lack of presence on the internet will likely go unnoticed, I feel that this is an important gesture that I can make. The reasons that SOPA damages freedom of speech have been well publicized, but if you would like to learn more please read this Techdirt article if you’re a little tech savvy, or this New York Times article for those of you who don’t know what DNS is.

If you have a blog or a website, I encourage you to join me and Wikipedia. If you use WordPress.org, you can install a plugin that makes this very simple to setup. You can find that plugin here: http://wordpress.org/extend/plugins/sopa-blackout-plugin/

Style Advice for Men

2013-01-17T04:34:33Z

Ricardo Montalbán is unimpressed with your efforts.

At risk of sounding like a pompous ass, I have style. I believe this because I get a lot of compliments on my choices in dress. Walking down the street I get asked for my advice a lot, or asked where I buy things, and do I always look this way? I’ve been caught on the street a handful of times by Asheville Street Style, interviewed by the Urban News, and regularly advise my friends on what to wear to meet Fortune 500 executives in China or on a first date. Fine, I surrender already — I have style.

And I’m into that, I’m into what is stylish. But — I’m not into fashion. I don’t have a well thumbed copy of the September Vogue on my night stand, and though I subscribe to the Sunday edition of the New York times, I don’t luridly gaze at the latest offerings of the major designers in the Style Magazine. I don’t care what’s in or what’s out, if it’s past Labor Day or if it was recently seen being worn by Lady Gaga at Occupy Wall Street. Those are useless ways to think about what will make you look awesome.

What’s the difference between style and fashion? Style is forever, fashion is for today. Style is accessible for everyone, fashion is passé by the time everyone identifies it. Style belongs to you, fashion belongs to wealthy hairless eccentrics in Milan that feed caviar to tiny inbred dogs.

I’m not a racist or a sexist, but I do believe in judging people by their appearance because I expect to be judged on mine. And by appearance, I mean the things people have a choice about, namely one’s choices in clothing and grooming. So I’ve written up five things to help you make choices in your clothing that will better represent you the person, rather than you the guy who hates doing laundry and ends up looking like laundry. Why five things? Because it’s my favorite number.

It should fit you. It should fit you almost perfectly. If it doesn’t fit you perfectly, it should be damn close. If the sleeves aren’t the right length on a shirt, roll them up. If the pants are a little too short, get a tailor to let them out. If you haven’t used a tailor or seamstress before, it’s not that expensive. If you got a good deal on something that almost fit you, it’s probably worth another $10 to take it from “meh” to “oh meh god.” Seriously, you can see some ridiculous shirt, all sorts of weird colors, patterns, stains and tears but if it fits you like it was made exactly your size by some strangely psychic exploited Indonesian child, wear it.
Brand means nothing. Brand is something invented by people who produce garments to make their product more valuable. You don’t need to showcase the brand you’re wearing. You’re not a Hollister billboard. You’re a person with style that’s advertising yourself, not the Gap. People with logos on their shirts are Nascar drivers. Bottom line is if it looks good and it’s well made from quality material it’s a nice garment. However, some brands are usually well made. Levi’s, for instance, is almost always a safe bet. And I’ve got some pants from Express that are nearly bulletproof after years of abuse. Anything that’s military issue will also stand up over time, and usually has a very handsome masculine cut that will bring out your inner Rambo. Or at least your inner Bradley Manning.
Don’t demand to be comfortable. Shorts are for the beach, the gym and the tennis court. If you’re not at the Y sweating away the carbs you just crammed into your body at your fifth visit to Mamacita’s this week, wear long pants, jeans or trousers. And flip flops are right out. Your feet are hideous five headed creatures that smell like something a dog wants to roll in. Anybody who disagrees is a fetishist. Wear shoes or boots unless you’re at the beach. At least in the Asheville climate. When you’re sipping piña coladas in Havana and it’s 110 in the shade, there are other rules which don’t apply here. May we all be so lucky to explore what’s stylin’ in Havana, but so far that’s beyond the scope of my experience. Ask Ricardo Montalbán. He’s still alive, right? Oh, Wikipedia says no. Womp womp.
A good outfit makes you more confident. If you get ready and look in the mirror and you say DAAMN I’d ask for my number, then you’re doing it right. Even if you’re mis-matching patterns and colors, if you do it with purpose and like you mean and it makes you feel like a rockstar, then you’re doing it right. You should feel like the clothes are wearing you, like the whole purpose of this shirt was to find you and be worn and thus fulfill it’s destiny.
Overdressing is ok; underdressing is not. Always err on the side of overdressing. As Mark Twain said, “Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.” The other adage to keep in mind is “dress for the job you want, not the job you have.” It’s true. Trust me. Not that I have a job or anything.

So please fellas, dress nice. It matters to those who matter, like yourself, your boss, and that cute girl over there. Or dude. If that’s what you’re into. But if you’re gay you already knew all of this anyway, so what are you doing, get off the internet and go be fabulous.

( . Y . ) Correspondence (it’s funny!)

2011-11-24T02:09:03Z

Actually, I love cats.

A while back, an ex-girlfriend who I was clearly not over at the time asked me for a favor. I found the favor to be ridiculous, in fact, and I told her so in a creative and long-winded fashion. Below is the correspondence. In hindsight I realize I was channeling David Thorne of 27b/6, and it may be the finest writing I’ve ever done. The full correspondence is after the break, redacted to take out personal information, of course. If you know who this is, please don’t say. I’m only trying to embarrass myself here.

On Nov 3, 2010, at 16:36

Hi Andrew,

I need some music-related help and frankly — you’re the best person to ask. Think you might be interested in helping a lady out? Let me know please.

Best wishes,
Xxxxxxx

——————————————

On Wed, Nov 3, 2010 at 4:46 PM

You’ll need to be more specific. Your email reads like the first half of a 419 scam.

–A

Sent from my iPhone

——————————————

On Nov 3, 2010, at 16:57

I can provide many details, Mr. Fletcher — but to verify your identity please respond to these two questions:

1.) Are you aware of any relative/relation born on the 16th of February 1952, who shares your same name whose last known contact address was West Africa?

2.) What is your bank account number?

I AM ANXIOUSLY WAITING TO HEAR FROM YOU SOONEST.

——————————————

On Wed, Nov 3, 2010 at 6:45 PM

What about music help?

–A

Sent from my iPhone

——————————————

On Nov 3, 2010, at 9:24 PM

Okay fine — in lieu of sending me your bank account number (you do realize you’re forfeiting a king’s ransom.. right?) here is what I sincerely need help with.

1.) 3 musicians who are willing to donate 3 hours of their November 6th Saturday night (7-10pm) who can play one small instrument (thinking guitar?) for my charity event in exchange for free food from Bouchon and Fig and wine.

2.) A 3 hour playlist including great jazz, classical and other intellectually appropriate music for an upper crust crowd. See the pickle I’m in? I could use a music brain to help me sort this out, ya know. Are you game or should I ask someone else?

——————————————

On Nov 3, 2010, at 11:55 PM

Greetings Xxx,

As a relative of someone with an Autism Spectrum Disorder, your cause is one that I would like to support. However, my charitable efforts are directed to other organizations that are also worthy of my limited time and skill. In addition, I am flying to Boston Friday morning to kill some kittens, vote for Nader and give an eating disorder to a girl (Editor’s note: she falsely claimed I gave her an eating disorder) and will not return until Monday night and have an incredible amount of laundry and homework to do before then.

1) Asking three musicians to play one guitar for three hours is very irregular, and I have only seen it in circus dreams I’ve had. In seriousness, getting a jazz trio to play on two days notice for three hours on their most profitable night of the week in exchange for a croissant and a magnum of third-rate Biltmore Riesling is pretty far fetched. Unless the charity brought people back from the dead and handed out winning lottery tickets, I feel it would be insulting to my colleagues to suggest such a thing to them. This is my professional opinion.

2) Unfortunately, the only 3 hour playlist I have consists of ODB, The Captain and Tenille, a few of Ma Rainey’s more colorful numbers, several 1930s songs extolling the virtues of “reefer” and “tea,” a sampling of Ray Steven’s B-sides, Spike Jones slide-whistle solo records, some bowel-stiffening Mahler, an all-piccolo group that only plays John Phillip Sousa marches, “Fred Rogers Reads Allen Ginsberg” spoken word album ripped from an LP that I found in an alley in Amarillo, Jim Nabors accompanied by a gamelan orchestra (live), a Tibetan singing bowl chorus cover version of “In the Ghetto” that takes up most of 37 minutes, a rare Mongolia-only release of Styx “Kilroy Was Here” in mono, Zamfir’s sequel to “Alice’s Restaurant,” and a Gregorian Chant tribute to “Trapped in the Closet.” There’s a lot more in this playlist but I haven’t made them up yet. While eclectic, It may not be appropriate for the lower-upper-middle class contingent that enjoys being seen at such charity events. Real money comes in Goldman-Sachs envelopes, not L.L. Bean pullovers. My suggestion is to isohunt.com a jazz playlist. They exist in droves. Keywords to look for: Coltrane, Brubeck, Milt Jackson, your mom.

Enjoy your pickles,

Rev. Andrew J. Fletcher, Expert.

P.S. I admit this is a pretty snarky way to say no, but in all honesty I really have no help that I can provide at this time. And my Uncle really is severely autistic. I was watching 8mm film of him as a child this very evening at my grandparents’ home and nearly cried. Good luck in this endeavour.

——————————————

I never received a reply.

Real Horoscopes #4

2011-07-12T17:15:14Z

After a bit of a hiatus, Catherine and I return with another round of horoscopes. If you don’t like them, don’t believe them.

Aries
In the words of my West Virginian baby sitter from when I was 9: “You don’t know nothin’ and you stink like poop.” So get rid of that Cassie Edwards you’ve had simmering on the back of the toilet and get some real literature.

Litrachur.

Taurus
This thing right here is lettin all the ladies know what guys talk about. You know, the finer things in life. Check it out. Ooh dat dress so scandalous, and ya know another brotha couldn’t handle it. See ya shakin that thang like who’s da ish with a look in ya eye so devilish. Ya like to dance at all the hip hop spots, and ya cruise to the crews like connect da dots, not just urban she likes the pop; she was livin la vida loca. She had dumps like a truck truck truck, thighs like what what what. Baby move your butt butt butt. I think to sing it again.

Gemini
I hope you need a new dinette set because.… You’re the next contestant on the Price is Right! Come on down!

Cancer
Dear Cancer, this week has been a hectic one for you, but it’s time for a change. Don’t fool yourself into thinking a situation you are stuck in is worth being stuck in. Check yourself — before you wreck yourself.

Leo
While it’s a damned shame, the truth is you’ll never again be as young as you were when you started reading this sentence. Time to start saving for your retirement.

Virgo
Are you really spending the last 5 minutes of your life reading horoscopes? Well, what if you were?

Libra
We don’t all look as good as you Libra, but life is more than a wet t-shirt contest. Try acquiring some meaningful life skills. You spendin’ that body like you just won the lottery, but that kinda cash don’t last past 35. And what are you gonna do then?

Scorpio
Hey brother, XYZ. You’ve got a dangling participle on your resumé.

Ophiuchus
Wait, you mean there are 13 signs now and I still get paid the same as before? Yeah, well then here’s your friggin horoscope: 1. Eat 2. Shit 3. Die. You may need to repeat steps 1 and 2 for a while.

Sagittarius
Hard work is important, but it has to be held together and made useful by a mind full of purpose for your goal. It’s absolutely true what they say: where there’s a will there’s a way. Unfortunately, it would seem that this week it’s some one else’s will and you’re just in the way.

Capricorn
Put on your doing-science hat this week, a confluence of astrological signs indicates that you’re bound to discover something big. As far as the specifics go, things are cloudy, but it appears you’ll discover one of three things: the cure for cancer, an additive to make cereal not get soggy or yet another, other white meat. This bowl of Corn Flakes looking up at me has my fingers crossed for the second.

Aquarius
You’ll experience your first skydiving experience after the explosive decompression above the first class seating rips a Dom-Deluise sized hole in the roof of the 747 you’re flying in. So you might as well pack light.

Pisces
Advice for everyone, but especially for you Pisces: Don’t bring sand to the beach, don’t bring the Pope crackers (he’s got plenty) and most of all — don’t bring bullshit to your relationship. Be cool. BE COOL.