I will be here for a short while.

Posts on AGT will begin again in early August.

How could one be in this place and not see life as it could be? It reminds us every day that there is no limit on possibility.

Wherever you spend your summer, find that place. It lives inside you, always has.

Thank you to my sister, Sonja, for the photo.

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© 2007–2010, Christine Scaman. All rights reserved.

I see women with children under 5. I know that place, I know that marriage. He’s sitting in the car waiting, while you’re running in circles trying to get 2 children ready.

I took some heat in a previous article (No Secrets In My House) for saying that marriage is not good for women. That’s fine. I like an honest response a lot more than someone telling me “Marriage makes me complete.” Motherhood is another topic that could use some real-world truths spoken upon it.

We all understand that there is no glory like our children. But life’s biggest rewards (and lessons) carry the biggest price tags.

The problems

People who tell you everything is great are lying. Makes you feel inadequate. The toddler years are ugly. Everyone’s marriage, sleep, diet, etc are the same, which is to say a mess. These people will tell you life with teenagers is easy too, but you’ll know better by then.

When babies cry, you’re not doing anything wrong. Try food. Then sleep.

We all resent our lack of freedom.

Nobody is coping.

We were all tired all the time, angry most of the time, and had no sense of humour for 15 years.

We all hated our husband if when he didn’t adjust his life.  We all fantasized about what we’d do with his insurance money. Not that we’d kill him and bury him out back. But if the beer truck got him on the way home, oh, well, these things happen.

In 10 years, it gets better. In 20 years, the marriage recovers or ends. Being alone isn’t that much different from what you’re doing now. Therapy hasn’t nearly caught up with the complexities of raising children and a 30 year marriage.

Date night becomes fight night. You didn’t know what a fight was before you had a kid.

No woman can believe how unprepared for emotional commitment and parenthood men really are. We wonder how our sons will be different.

We are all amazed at the cruelty of their deliberate blindness to our despair, while their golf game went uninterrupted. Even the good-parent husbands would finally get home and see the child for 5 minutes at bedtime, and be watching the News around the child’s head.

His idea of watching the kids means getting their needs met ASAP, putting them in front of a screen, so that he can sit in front of a screen. Or everyone can sit in front of a screen together.

The power, the lessons, the gifts

Get good at buying yourself presents with his money. Realize that he’d have to spend serious money to find someone to look after his kids like you do. He will not say a word about a pedicure if he has a clue. If he is without that many clues, he can cook his own supper. Learning to let yourself show anger is not such a bad thing, when we’ve spent a lifetime being taught (told) to suppress it.

Drop the standard. Anyone who thinks the house isn’t picked up can do it themselves. Priority adjustment.

Talk truthfully to other women…and they will talk truthfully to you…and they will be your salvation. Just knowing you’re normal helps.

Give it time. You’ll be the one in control again. You’ll be pushed to the choice of caving in or standing up, and you’ll stand up. For the rest of your life, you’ll have learned to stand up.

Don’t wait for him, or anyone, to notice that you might need help. They won’t. Tell him he’ll be doing this at this time, bringing this child, these documents, and making these stops on the way. You’ll get comfortable with confrontation and delegation.

Notice that accepting offers of help is hard for some of us, like me. Especially when the resentment meter is at the max. We do it to ourselves but we become a one-woman-show. Coping skills and independence you never could have dreamed of.

You’ll be congratulated for your great kids one day, and he’ll have the humility to say “She did 90% of it” and you’ll honestly say “Quite right.”

Get them to 10 years old or so, and realize that if you could raise them virtually alone, there is NOTHING on this Earth you can’t do.

Your job won’t make you a better parent, but being a parent will make you better at your job. You’ll never talk to people the same way again.

You finally understand the full implications of the words “emotional investment”. To know what it means to give your life for another opens doors in your head.

Husbands, don’t make yourselves too dispensable disposable dispensable.

Wives, no need for bitter. There is happiness on the way.

Thank you for subscribing to A Greener Tea. If you are subscribing via email, please be aware that in order to comment on this thread, you will need to visit this post on the Web: Motherhood’s Real Gifts. Replies via email will be seen only by Christine.

© 2007–2010, Christine Scaman. All rights reserved.

I’ve written about Tracy before in Squeeze by Tracy Effinger. This program easily deserves another mention. I do it a lot because it makes me happier.

If you don’t own Tracy’s videos, you just can’t imagine how good they are. The program is about strength and flexibility, high repetitions (like 20-30, not 200) with low weight (I use 1-3lbs). For days when you don’t feel like getting all sweaty and panting, these are perfect. The program is varied and moves along quickly. The woman herself is quite interesting to watch, as is the artwork (Tracy’s own) in the background. I love the power in her attitude, let alone her body.

If you’re looking for more emotional strength in your life, grab yourself a weight. I am not fond of moving more than 8lbs of weight. With these exercises and 3lbs., right away I feel like “well, I can do this, it’s only 3lbs!”. Remember that every ounce of fat that you replace with muscle sucks up more calories every minute of the day. You get to reap the reward of exercise even while you’re not working out.

Want to shape every aspect of your legs and hips? Do the pretzel-clam. I LOVE this.  LOVE it. I can feel the fat pockets on the side of my hips squeezing out like a sponge.

Expecting to do every repetition the first time you play the DVD? Maybe. But decide ahead of time that it will not be a big deal if you don’t.

The Workout by Mindy Mylrea

You will never hear a more motivating script in a DVD. It’s all about saying to those people who said you couldn’t do something “Oh, yeah, well, you just watch me.” After awhile, you’ll find that they stop saying it. They just wait for the results to come rolling in.

Your thighs look thinner by the time you’re done, I am not exaggerating.

It’s mostly lower body, which is fine because that’s what needs most work.

Mindy says that she’s been teaching Aerobics since 1982. Some of her moves seem repetitive from those years, or from her other DVDs. Some may love that because there is NO complicated footwork or sequences. Me, well, I’ve been taking Aerobics since 1982, and I get bored easily, no matter the level of exertion. If you work out with Mindy a lot, and I do, you’ll recognize a few moves. I wish Mindy would teach me something new when she repeats movements from the past. The movements may not have changed much, but the way we understand movement and the body has. Give me a new visual, a new understanding of body alignment, a new way to think about an old move. Anyhow, I’ll get over it. Mindy has earned her place at the top of this game in many other ways.

Mindy being Mindy, there are always moments of pure brilliance. The whole core section at the end, for example. The surfer interval too. The 40 second intervals you spend inside your own head, unadulterated glorious.

Also in the gem category, she gets the tough long section over in the first 15 min. Then it’s easier, so you’re all empowered, thinking “Well, gosh, after that, this is easy. I must be stronger than I thought. So bring it, baby.”

Ballet Body Workout with Jennifer Galardi

This is the best workout ever for beginning the day. Grace, strength, awareness, a little cardio, body-balancing movements. I always notice that the movements feel really good even while I’m doing them, so there’s no hurry for it to be over. You begin the day feeling slim and strong and small in the waist and in a happy frame of mind. Jennifer moves beautifully, and you’re inspired to copy her, which you can do. This is not Swan Lake.

This hour will feel like the most pleasing part of your entire day. It is the only workout I own (about 60 of them) that I fit in every single week.

Thank you for subscribing to A Greener Tea. If you are subscribing via email, please be aware that in order to comment on this thread, you will need to visit this post on the Web: 3 Workouts To Love. Replies via email will be seen only by Christine.

© 2007–2010, Christine Scaman. All rights reserved.

Merle Norman Lip Glazes

Very often, we don’t want a lipstick look. We want color and softness on the lip, more than lipgloss, but not the heavier look of lipstick, especially when we’re not wearing much makeup on the rest of the face.

These Lip Glazes are costly but if I’ll use mine (Stolen Kisses) to the end and dig out the last bits.

It’s uncommon that every lipstick in a given line will be so well colored that it will be right for certain Seasons. Usually, there are a few colors that don’t flatter any skin that I can figure out and/or the color is too gray or yellow or off in some way. Not the case with these.

In colours like Pillow Talk for Light Spring, Stolen Kisses for Dark Winter, Darling Clementine for True/Bright Spring, Amber Embrace for True/Dark Autumn, Berry Romantic for True Summer, … a product to be happy you bought.

Merle Norman Lipstick

Really on a MN kick this week. I got some samples, you see. I looked at the Creamy Lipcolor. I was very pleasantly surprised. I wore Sweetheart and Raspberry Crush yesterday.  The product goes on completely comfortably. It reminds somewhat of the excellent Estee Lauder Double Wear line, but less heavy color deposit, I think. I applied it full strength with the lip brush and didn’t feel like I had to tone it down. It barely transferred to tea mugs. By the time I couldn’t feel it any more, I’d look in the mirror, and see a very good amount of stain left and no migration.  Hot Bronze Glace is a nice True/Dark Autumn color. Satin Cinnamon could be great on Soft Summers.

I also wore Ruby and Amber Rose today, of the Age Defying Lipcolor line. It seems to be a step less intense in application and less prolonged in duration that the Creamy Lipcolor. Honestly, if you told me that they were the same formula, I’d believe it. Just pick the color you like best. Raspberry On Ice would be great on the True Winter, Bright Winter, or even as Bright Spring’s cooler choice. I deeply hope that they bring back Tulips To Kiss, a beauty for Light Springs.

There are always those colors that confuse me. Peaches And Gleam, Ruby Guava – first thing I ask myself when I look at a color is “Is it clear?”. How annoying when it’s not obviously muted, but too soft for a clear Season.  It need not always be absolute, but the colour should then be light or dark, and it’s neither. Shrimpton  and Penny Lane appear to be great choices for Soft Autumn, but I wonder if they’ll turn pink because the colors are a bit too cool for their level of softness. (See Why Does Makeup Change Color on Your Face? at 12 Blueprints)

T-blouses at Nygard

These are on sale now. In fact, much of the Nygard lines is on sale and I find myself buying it. The fit is consistently very flattering and extremely comfortable.

The higher the saturation of colors in your body, the more contrast you wear in your color combinations and prints.

I’m a Dark Winter. That’s quite high saturation, so it needs quite high contrast. For explanations of saturation, have a look at What Are Clear And Soft Colours? at 12 Blueprints.

Contrast usually means how far apart your light and dark colors are. Pure black with pure white is the highest, big separation between lightest and darkest. A watercolor composed of 4 shades of medium-darkness soft blues and lilacs is low saturation.

The Sailor Wheel Goddess top below has light neutral off-white as the lightest block and blackened blue as the darkest, so just a bit less than B&W. That respects the level of contrast of the colors in my own coloring, so it balances well with me, without being too dull or too bold.

I want this bag, it’s less than 35$!!! (Python Printed Satchel) , but it belongs to the Soft Seasons in every way.

and this Lilypad Print Tankdress, but it’s one of the best examples of Bright Spring’s clothes I’ve seen.

Just as your house can look disorganized and zany if you just decorate with whatever catches your eye, and that house does not feel restful to be in, so is it true with your body. Some restraint, and respect for the color framework that’s already there, will create an appearance that feels good for others to look at.

Ignoring that looks inexpensive at best. When you get some practice at it, it would feel to you like you’re wearing someone else’s clothes.

Thank you for subscribing to A Greener Tea. If you are subscribing via email, please be aware that in order to comment on this thread, you will need to visit this post on the Web: Best Things This Week July 9 2010. Replies via email will be seen only by Christine.

© 2007–2010, Christine Scaman. All rights reserved.

Our instinct is to not talk about them. We try to make it look like everything is fine. I see families so busy with that, that the family is imploding. And the whole community is in on the secret anyhow, so it’s a lot of wasted energy and destruction for nothing.

Rather hard to force secrets into the open. Keeping problems quiet and dark makes them safe. They get stronger because they look bigger, just like everything does in the dark. The problem grows inside your lonely imagination. And then you get this crazy idea that you’re the only one fighting this particular fight and that you’re fighting alone.

Pretty soon, there’s the yellow police tape across the problem. The tape says Do Not Cross. It is never, never mentioned. It is not discussed outside the house on pain of severe punishment.

Then the problem shows up again, as it always does. Put up another Do Not Cross line, in front of the first one.

Then another. Pretty soon, you’re keeping out a whole new problem. The thing you were protecting in the first place is forgotten, or isn’t what it used to be anymore. Now it looks terrifying. The fear might even have passed on to the next generation.

The Bodeens have always had drinkers. The Millers never could keep a marriage together. The Smistons lose every job they’ve had. The labels start. This is a whole other problem, because today’s Bodeens have no idea what the original thing to be conquered even was. What kind of shot do they have when their rival is has no identity?

Shine a light on a secret and it will shrivel instantly. Say “You have a drinking problem”. “ I have an eating problem”. “My teenager got into trouble on Facebook”. Now you can see the enemy. You know what you have to fight. No need to take out an ad in the paper. Just don’t protect it and keep it safely hidden where it can send out more and more branches.

Don’t wonder what you’re up against. Drag it out, kicking and screaming, into the wide open. Let everyone take a good look at it, so they can bring their weapons to the fight too. Size up the opponent and muster your defenses.

Create a space for happiness and it will find you. Clutter up all your space with your own personal hellfire and there won’t be any space for the good things.

Let your children in on it (age-dependent of course). I am not so sure that marriage is great for women. I talk about it with my daughters. I don’t tell them not to marry, but we talk about its pros and cons for a woman. They’re empowered about their choices, not beholden to the “sanctity” of this convention. I talk to them about my marriage. I let the community in on the problem, knowing full well that they have the same problems, even if they’re pretending everything is fine.  I can see their pressure valves straining to blow, but they just can’t release the valve. I wonder how many cancer cells are getting by their immune police.

Many might say I’m too honest. I’m the definition of “painfully honest”. Well, I is what I is. But my problems don’t seem huge. My situation is not perfect, but I don’t expect it to be. It is, however, strong.

Thank you for subscribing to A Greener Tea. If you are subscribing via email, please be aware that in order to comment on this thread, you will need to visit this post on the Web: No Secrets in My House. Replies via email will be seen only by Christine.

© 2007–2010, Christine Scaman. All rights reserved.

Either she’s wrong, but that doesn’t happen a lot, or I’ve had too much caffeine, but I believe I’d win. I’m not sad, scared, or even neutral about 50. Thrilled would be a better word.

My friend feels she’s not where she thought she would be at this time in her life. Neither am I, but that’s not the same as failure. It’s a different path, not a loser path.  Maybe it’s taking longer to get to somewhere better.

Thank you

…for making me a woman at this moment in the history of time, and in this place.

…for knowing that if someone doesn’t like my lines and age spots, they’re the ones with the problem, not me.

…for having given me 50 years worth of tools to use in the next 50. Tools provided by failures, rejections, embarrassments, and self-disgust because they sharpened the grit that shaped something better.

…for not having granted the wishes I had at 30. Instead, you gave me so many more possibilities that I’m having trouble choosing.

…for knowing enough to trust you and stop worrying about the long term. Or worry a lot less.

…for knowing that exercise is the daily celebration of a body that can do things.

…for repelling the marketing that tries to persuade us that aging is a problem we need to address.

…for repelling the marketing that tries to tell me that I should emulate a famous person. I have no celebrity addiction affliction addiction.

…for having seen the advent of Copy & Paste when I could still use it, and watched Click The Link open the world for me and my children.

…for sticking out my relationship long enough to watch the balance of power shift … to me!! I was talking about emotions 10 years ago and he didn’t understand. Now I’m saying “Pass me that calculator, would you?”

…for knowing that a day with 5 mistakes is a good day. At the time, it’s a little uncomfortable. 3 of those times, you’ll get your face ground in the dust. 1 time will pay off but you’ll have to wait a year to see it. 1 time, you’ll learn and become more than you were before the mistake, right there on the spot. Extra mistakes are bonus.

…for knowing that my best self is in the now, not somewhere in the years before. At 25, we’re a pretty storefront but haven’t figured out what to put on the shelves. At 50, I know exactly what’s on the shelves and I know that the inventory will only get better.

And to think that 2 years ago, I wrote “Hey, Universe, Are You Ignoring Me?”

We all start somewhere.

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© 2007–2010, Christine Scaman. All rights reserved.

The colorists have comebacks, probably based on the legions of women who had yellow or bleached hair for years, finally went back to a natural color but did it too fast, and ended up going back to the processed head, despite the people who told them it looked like a bad wig. There was always that one well-meaning mushball in the crowd who was trying to say something nice, who said “I loved you as a blonde”, and back to the salon they went. I’m not nearly that nice, NOT saying that’s a good thing.

Light or Soft Season Client : I feel my head is one become one big amalgamated highlight. I’d like to go back to my natural color with just a few highlights.

Dark Season Client : I feel my head is one become one big amalgamated highlight. I’d like to go back to my natural color with no highlights. I want my hair to be A color. ONE color.

Colorist : Why? It’s boring.

A : Well, I was looking through some magazines and it dawned on me that the women I want to look like, well, none of them my age has wide stripes of highlights, or 3 very different color highlights, or busy hair, but they look amazing.”

Then I realized, “Hey, NONE of the models of ANY age has busy hair!”

And I thought “Why? Is it because busy hair would detract from the face, and they’re trying to sell mascara or lipstick? Wait a minute!! Is MY busy hair distracting from my face??? Am I wearing way too much makeup to compensate?”

Then I realized “Hey, the only photos of multi- highlights are in teen mags or starlets under 25!!”

And I thought “Hey! If it’s not flattering or age-appropriate or flattering on the sophisticated women I see, how can it be on me????”

And I thought “Hey, when they do have highlights, and most of these women probably do, you can’t see them! And the women with dark hair look a whole lot better with pumped-up shine on one-color dark hair.”

Then I realized “When I asked you for highlights in shades that are closer to my base color, you said they wouldn’t show up. I’m starting to think that’s a good thing. I wanted shimmer and got chunks that got wider over the years.”

Colorist : Why? It’s too dark. You HAVE to have lighter hair as you age.

A : “Yeah, well I’m ok with 1 or 2 shades lighter, but not more than that. It makes my eyebrows look too dark by comparison and my kids tell me I look angry. Plus, a whole head of light hair looks fake on me and costs too much money to keep up. But, while we’re on the topic, what do you think, should brows or hair be lighter?”

What Christine thinks about eyebrows : In fact, I find both 2 shades lighter or darker can work for brows and still look believable. Lighter (bleached) brows is a makeup artist trick to bring light to the eye area. Mostly I think it looks ‘different’ rather than necessarily younger. Like most things, these effects are more real on the young ones. Darker brows, by only a shade or 2, is what most people have. At maturity, past 35 say, hair that is a bit lighter than natural is usually more flattering to skin, depending on the person. To get brows even lighter than that looks a bit worked at. Best to leave brows a shade or 2 darker than hair, just looks more real and less upkeep.

This looks nice, looks real. Brows 2 shades darker. Nice feeling of relief because you don’t have to react to anything that looks forced.

Colorist : Why? It looks young and funky.

A: “Yeah, well, I work in an office where funky isn’t professional. I want to be taken seriously and the problem is that nobody will listen to one word I say if I have hedgehog hair and stripes. When I see older women trying to look younger with trendy hair, what I think is “Hm, older woman trying to look younger”.

Colorist : It looks too solid if it’s all 1 color.

A : “True, if it’s a wall of corn, or a totally unbelievable color. Other than that, on any woman I know, after a week of washing, it will be fine.”

Colorist : Taupe (light brown, let’s call them) highlights either won’t show up, or will just fade in a week and look bleached. You’ll need toner every 2 weeks.

A: It doesn’t have to be perfect. Part of what my PCA taught was to know what is really wrong. The hair below belongs to a Season who looks good in highlights (the lighter and softer Seasons). This is a woman, a Soft Summer, who now understands that the hair color that will perfect her skin best is a medium ash-brown base and a taupe highlight. Not toffee (Soft Autumn), not yellow (True Spring), not silver-beige (True or Light Summer), not platinum, and definitely NO red. She’s doing fine so far.

She’s got a selection of neutral brown colours here. It’s just that there’s too much lightened hair and some is too light. Solution : Ask the colorist foil to the brownest ones to protect them and just color the rest to a good base color. Yes, the lightest tones will fade faster, but eventually it will all balance. Will the lightest strands pick up too much of the darker base color? Could be, but surely colorists have a way of dealing with that.

Colorist : It looks sexy.

A: You know, I asked 5 guys, all different ages, and not one of them thinks hair color makes me sexier. “It’s the whole package”, they said. “We’re guys, man. Unless it’s beach-blonde mermaid hair, we’re not going to think “Did you see those highlights, boys? She must be a vibrant woman!”, we’ll do well to notice that you have hair.”

I asked my husband and he said “I ain’t in love with your hair”.

I asked my boss and he said “You don’t communicate with your hair, do you?”

I asked myself if I feel sexier and decided that I don’t set out in the morning to be provocative. If it comes up later, I’ll do it with clothes and lipstick. I guess women have always tried to look seductive, but I really do want people to pay more attention to my words. At this point in my life, they’re the best part of me.

A: If you had seen color change your own face to 10 years older and back again, you’d believe in PCA too. Maybe you should try it before you write it off.  It would change your entire career.

Final A: It’s my money. Let’s do it anyhow. If I don’t like it, it will be all my fault.

Thank you for subscribing to A Greener Tea. If you are subscribing via email, please be aware that in order to comment on this thread, you will need to visit this post on the Web: Polite Lines for your Hair Colorist. Replies via email will be seen only by Christine.

© 2007–2010, Christine Scaman. All rights reserved.

Like Clinique’s Butter Shines or MAC Slimshines, I like the soft feel of this type of product. Gosh Soft’n Shines are a stick gloss, but with a longer duration, less goopy application, and obnoxious overkill shine of many glosses.

If you don’t like greasy, balmy, or sheer lipcolor, these may not be for you, but I like them. They’re soft and natural on their own, and can lessen the heavy lip look of a matte lipstick. I use Paula’s Choice Clear Lipliner to seal the edges of the lips first, and it works just great.

If you find the $15CDN pricetag steep, I’d agree with you. If I’ll use the product to the very end because I love the color and feel, I can get over it on days when I need to buy myself a present.

I very much like the color selection. With Passion Pink (Bright Winter), Perfect Plum (Dark True Summer or True Winter), Barbie (Bright Spring), Sweetheart (the Light Seasons), Soft Touch (the Darks), Mocha (True Autumn), Irony (True Spring), and a few others, well…there’s a good color range. I like color that isn’t trying to cover more than 2 skin tone possibilities, because then it ends up right for nobody. Certain skin shares certain qualities, but it’s pretty narrow.

These are a great way for women who look younger and better in brighter lip colors to get used to their right makeup colors, if they’ve been wearing flesh tones.

They’re also a great way to wear brighter lip color in the daytime without looking like lips-lips-lips.

Jessica Biel’s Haircolor

In the new Revlon Mascara ad, this is beautiful Summer hair. It’s a natural ash brown of medium darkness, pretty well what you see here. The highlights are restrained. It is all too easy to start with a few highlights and end up with one big highlight.  At the beginning, the highlights look too yellow. I especially like the hair when she speaks the last line of the script. The hair is one basic color that works, with a few cool highlights.

Light Summer’s best highlight is a beige, just this side of silver. No yellow unless Nature put it there. Their best base color at maturity is the same as Biel’s here in most cases, perhaps a touch lighter.

The haircolor that most perfects Soft Summer’s skin tone is this same ash brown base, but with a taupe highlight. That is hellish hard to do, the colorists tell me, because it fades. Unless you’re prepared to put a toner on monthly or more, you’ll look like you have bleached out highlights.

However, it’s amazing how much more forgiving just a few strands are. For a woman looking for a Soft Summer browned-ash cool highlight, this has potential. Too much hair has been lightened, but there are shades in here that can be worked with. What if the colorist foiled the medium browns to protect them, and colored the rest of the head closer to the woman’s own color? So, a medium darkness ash-brown, perhaps 1-2 shades lighter than the natural color.

There would be much less of a root issue and a more natural could-have-happened-by-itself  (IMO, the best kind of beauty, the ONLY kind of beauty) appearance.

A huge part of color analysis is knowing what is NOT for you. In this photo, the woman knows to avoid yellow, orange, red, copper, darkness, trendiness, or very contrasting highlights. She’s already way ahead of most. Once the majority of the processed hair is returned to a more natural color, whether the remaining highlight is precisely taupe or not won’t matter.

Exercise Fun Discovery

You cannot tighten your butt unless your tailbone is tucked under. This brings  new understanding to Pilates, stability ball, and ballet type workouts. If you keep your glutes tight every single minute, your tailbone is always positioned to protect your back and work your rear and abs better.

Why else does it matter? Because your glutes are always your brakes. When you slip on ice, your glutes can  hold your body together and prevent a strain. When you jump sideways, it’s the glutes that stop the movement and absorb the shock, not the knees. As soon as you learn to control your lower body range of movement in everyday life (and in exercise) with the glutes, you’ll notice how much better your knees feel.

Thank you for subscribing to A Greener Tea. If you are subscribing via email, please be aware that in order to comment on this thread, you will need to visit this post on the Web: Best Things This Week June 15 2010. Replies via email will be seen only by Christine.

© 2007–2010, Christine Scaman. All rights reserved.

Colin and Justin’s Home Heist

A TV show about 2 gleefully gay Scottish designers. Shopping is my favorite activity, but shopping with gay men with good taste and singsong Scottish accents just takes it to new heights.They almost require you to sit down with a glass of champagne just to watch the show.

What I love is that they do a rebirth of the person, not just the house. Your best re-construction follows a complete de-construction. The person’s decorating sense is reduced to rubble, much like their house is, but they are rebuilt. My favorite part is hearing their descriptions of the Before Home (“it looks like a global gift shop” comes to mind for one poor soul’s African mask collection). Soap operas got nothing on this.

They have that magical ability to ignore the what-is. They live in the kingdom of what-could-be. Possibility being right up my alley, I’m always fascinated by transformations. They take the house right back to the raw beginning, and then move forward.

Much as I adore these guys, they have a real propensity for painting things white, even in families with kids. Once, to a Dad resisting white, they said something like “Are you a responsible Dad? Do you want your child to have an ordered space (or something similar)?” It could have climbed into the TV, muckled on to their necks, and shook the puddin’ out of them. Let’s be real, men. Let me give you 3 kids, a 100 lb. dog, a cat, 2 jobs, a limited budget, and the rains of April, and we’ll talk about white sofas.  Besides, I feel that one of my responsibilities as a parent is to keep my kids’ immune system aware of what’s out there. A gay couple can no more address a single aspect of parenthood than a couple without children can discuss a marriage avec, and they should not go there.

Anyhow, still the best, funnest, and funniest of the home reno shows. I adore them right up there with Nick Arrojo.

Flavia DeLuce

Among my favorite summer books 09 was Alan Bradley’s The Sweetness At The Bottom Of The Pie. It was witty, literary, and relaxing. Books where the plot devolves into kidnapping, abuse, as it always does, at 9PM when I’m trying to induce myself into 8 hours of pleasant unconsciousness…grisly loss of limb isn’t the sleeping pill that works for me.

This is the English Village mystery, 1950s era, even better, through the eyes of a smart, funny 11 year old girl, even better. Once again, I display my propensity for people not overly concerned with the what-is, children being among the best examples.

The latest is The Weed that Strings the Hangman’s Bag. I’m reading slowly to make it last. There are 9 holds on it at the library, so I’m pacing myself. Why not buy? Because I’ve never read a book twice.

Cardis at J.Crew

I love J. Crew. More at some times than others, but I never stop checking in. I can find age-appropriate clothing that’s not too teenage. I can afford it on sale. And when they do a color, they DO the color. When you stand outside the store and see yet another palette of purple/black/neutral/grey/a little yellow, Crew is giving us curry, tomato, pine, and so much more.

In a cardi with a tank/shell beneath, you’re always the right temperature, can wear pretty jewelry, and don’t get makeup on your collar.

In Bronzed twig, Paradise Blue, and other gorgeous colors. Above is Dark Raisin for Dark Autumn, so much more than good ol’ eggplant. Look also at the lovely Blossom for Soft Summer (wear it with MAC Syrup lipstick).

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© 2007–2010, Christine Scaman. All rights reserved.

Sarah lives in the SE of England. She is a True Summer, and wondering how to purchase the swatches for the Seasons. The Sci\ART system that I use, and the personal colour palettes, are an ocean away.

I know that many of you are reading from the UK, and have good knowledge and experience with Seasonal color analysis. Can anyone help?

Also, do any of you know of any available alternatives to CMB that does not use the “Cool, Soft, Deep, etc.” designations? (Sarah – If no, then True Summer is fairly equivalent to Cool Summer).

Thanks for the help.

Do you still check in at 12 Blueprints now and again? Today’s post contains a lot of beautiful photos, in Valeria Is A Dark  Autumn.

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All those other recipes I’ve posted, that’s pansy nutrition. This one is rugged. This is in-your-face nutrition. I don’t actually expect anyone to make it. I can barely believe that I eat it, but I am convinced it’s powerfully anti-aging as well.

We know we’re supposed to eat curry, for the cancer-fighting and possibly-Alzheimer’s-protecting effects of turmeric. I follow the advice in my favorite nutrition books pretty closely about how to combine it.

This dish is also a good way to get in spinach, which is not my favorite food, but here it disappears.

Here we go:

1. Beforehand, in a separate pot, cook 2c. lentils and 1c. split peas in 6c. water. Drain. You can put anything you like here that has a grain:water ratio of 1:2 and cooks in 20min or so. Why wash 2 pots when 1 will do the job? I sometimes use quinoa or the various bean blends at the Bulk Store.

2. Drag out the big pot. In it,

Cook 2 cooking onions, chopped, in 2 Tbsp. oil.

3. When almost transparent, add 6 cloves garlic, minced. Stir for 1 min. Don’t be shy with garlic, it’s just background flavor once it’s cooked. I bet you could add 12 cloves and barely taste it. Very healthy, very cheap.

4. Grate in about 2 Tbsp. fresh ginger. Don’t be shy with ginger, healthy and cheap.

5. Add 1 teaspoon curry paste (of the heat you prefer, I like mild), 3 tsp. curry powder, 1 tsp. cumin, 1 tsp. coriander, 1 tsp. turmeric. Stir and cook for 1 minute. Sometimes I add extra turmeric, you can hide a lot in this recipe.

6. Dump in 1 x  28oz can tomatoes, and 1 x 6oz can tomato paste.

7. Add the cooked lentils and beans.

8. Add 3 sweet or 5 white potatoes chopped. If they’re white, I use small potatoes. I read somewhere that something in potato skins stops cancer cells in their tracks. I get more skin per surface area with smaller potatoes.

9. Add 3 large carrots, chopped.

10. Snip in 2 bunches fresh basil.

11. Add 1 container frozen spinach, or a bag of washed.

12. Add many grinds pepper, and salt if you like it. (Remember that canned tomatoes are quite salted).

13. Simmer till potatoes cooked. You know, 15 min. or so.

14. Eat with organic plain yogurt. My sister explained to me that organic yogurt has enough bacteria left, after the antibiotics fed to the cow, that got in the milk, killed the other bacteria, to set the yogurt without needing the addition of gelatin.  If you don’t eat organic, look for no-gelatin yogurt.

What else could you add? Well, sky’s the limit. Green beans, celery, pepper. Probably anything but parsnip or radish.

I could show you some pretty picture, but it looks like this.

Free your soul.

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Love smart people talking real.

Don’t like a message that sounds like it’s just telling me what it thinks I want to hear.

Macleans  May 10/2010

Every parent should read this brilliant and uncomfortable article about “The Empty Lives Of Teenage Girls”. I know these girls, the binge drinking, the kids who cut themselves. Thankfully, they don’t live at my house, but I could name them. It kills me. I’ve known them since they were 3. My high school kids have had health concerns too because of homework demands. Too easily did I recognize the plasticity of the lives they create for themselves, where 7, 13, and 17 are barely different any more.

Dr. Leonard Sax proposes much to reflect on in this interview. The girls and the boys are using these behaviors for very different reasons. Generally, the high-achieving girls are the most at risk, because of the anxiety they live with. Can you remember the crushing levels of stress in high school that our children live with? I can’t. High school wasn’t easy, socially or academically, but it wasn’t what it is now.

My answer was not to cut out Facebook, the cell phone, and the Junior Prom. It was to tell my kids to get lower grades. If homework isn’t done by 10, it doesn’t get done, that’s bedtime. The school can call me.

I allow planned days off from school gladly. Friends are amazed that I am teaching them to hide from their problems and be lazy. I don’t want them to live in a world of time clocks, me vs. The Boss, of their achievement schedule being decided by someone other than them. If their work is done at the end of the week, let them be innovative and self-determined about where and how. If they can achieve in their sleep, or on an island, they’ve won.

I don’t like to rein in a self-motivated kid and ask them to lower their performance standard, but I equally dislike watching the schools compete on the kids’ backs. They may want to prepare them for university by loading them with course work and forcing them to teach themselves, but Grade 10 isn’t university.

My family doctor made the interesting point that meditation and relaxation may work with adults. Kids do better with a physical outlet that has no competition or goal at the end. They need activity that is pure enjoyment and fun, “sizzlingly hilarious” she called it. Turns out to be hard to find. Even Irish Dance has a recital at the end.

Dr. Sax has a no-nonsense delivery that I appreciate. He isn’t wowed by statistics. He’s been quoted in Macleans previously, discussing boys, in Playtime’s Over and How To Fix Boys. You can disagree with him, but you’ll be challenged, and you’ll interact with your own kids better. As he says, our job as parents is foremost to keep them safe. Not to be their friend. Not to avoid their anger. Not to negotiate incessantly. They cannot make decisions about their safety or well-being. We’re the grownups, but our decisions are not easy ones. I found a lot to help guide me in these 3 articles, and feel more confidence in my instincts and choices.

So, grab this magazine. Worth reading too, so you can be informed at the cocktail party, is the ongoing quest for your attention by the marketers on the sites like Facebook and Google. Google knows what we’re afraid of and has learned, through algorithm, to post ads that we think are relevant (maybe more helpful than the Search results?). Facebook knows a lot more about us. If the advertisers get in, we’ll lose our relaxed time with friends. We’ll have to deflect ads, just like the real world. With 1 in 3 Canadians having an account, the pressure is strong. They’re already squirming their way in.

L’Oreal Telescopic Explosion Mascara

I want to believe that there is a perfect mascara at the drugstore. They’re up against my all-time fave, Estee Lauder Double Wear Zero Smudge, but I just cannot drop $25 for mascara.

I bought Rimmel The Max Volume Flash and found it did next to nothing, about like good ol’ Maybelline Great Wear. I returned it.

There isn’t anything I don’t like about the L’Oreal.

The little sea urchin – spiky ball applicator works really well, extremely so, to apply and separate. It’s not goopy. Others found clumping problems but I really didn’t. I could apply second coats easily. It does not move all day. It comes off easy, very easy, without needing a separate eye makeup remover. It’s $10 or less. It’s not animal-tested. It does not create ridiculously fake looking lashes at all, don’t worry about not being able to control it. Very much worth trying. Sadly, only comes in 2 colors.

Garnier Fructis Style Switch

Love Manipulator but it’s too heavy at times, for fine or very layered hair. I wanted something lighter that smoothes, shines, and separates. I no more believe in high end hair products as being so much better than high end makeup. I look for drugstore stuff and it has to be on sale.

This one is just perfect. A dry finished look. Pleasant mild aloe-ish scent. Requires only a tiny amount of product. No hold to speak of, but certainly smooths hair well, cleans up the ends, and adds good shine. It falls right between John Frieda’s Secret Weapon, a superb hair product in its own right, and Manipulator.

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At 50, I understand the secret to getting somewhere : keep doing it.

Play all the mind games you need to, but there’s the bottom line.

We can believe that we self-create, co-create (The Secret), or God-create (The Bible). Whichever polarity feels best, the value proposition remains the same.

We can intend, allow, accept, imagine, expect, pray, hope, buy more books about achievement, or buy lottery tickets. We can meditate on the self, be one with the Universe, or fly with angels. Whatever it takes to keep at the doing of it.

Only the first 25 years of marriage are hard.

We squander grace till we’ve known disgrace.

Keep your head down and do the work.

A couple of years, you get calls for expert advice, but you really just outlasted many people.

Whether all the signs point North or South, stay on the path. Just make a move. Don’t worry if it’s wrong or right.

When nothing is happening, there’s just one thing to do. Sling more energy around.

If you keep messing with the energy pot, something can’t NOT happen.

Motivation isn’t a given.

Peace and trust come from the confidence that the right thing will happen. Life has demonstrated that more often than not.

Get in for the long haul.

The young ones are pretty and still wondering what else they are. If they’re lucky, they’ll get to be us one day.

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Talk about freedom from the fight! This is a doozie. Takes big confidence.

Being able to recognize a trend first, then deciding if it’s for you. Most won’t be.

The Soft Seasons and Light Seasons, from 12 Season Colour Analysis, can look great in light flesh-toned lip colours. Some variation of beige-pink lipstick actually looks good, and young, on them.

That’s because the Light Seasons are SUPPOSED to look light, natural, and outdoorsy. That is their special radiance.

The Soft Seasons are ALL ABOUT “no hard lines, no strong contrasting edges or colours”. Their whole essence is about gentle warmth. Makeup that looks that way is consistent with who they already are. There should be no sudden, sharp, bright, bold, or extreme colour shifts. That feels aggressive, quite opposite to these personalities. Flesh and nude lips are in keeping with the soft colour transitions of their natural design, meaning that the colour of their hair/eyes/skin is not very contrasting or different.

On these 2 groups, the “pops of colour” that are often suggested are the reason many of them shy away from cosmetics altogether.

On True Autumn, pale beige lips are flatter than flat, just as pale beige hair is.  It ages these women by 10 years.  (At 17, with the great lip definition of youth and when the depth of the coloring is not fully developed, a sheer bronze lip works.)

On any Winter blend, lips the colour of skin are lifeless. Their dark force is reduced to a big blank. (If they’re 22, they can do an icy pink lip.)

If you’re 52, brighter lips look younger. Not darker, lighter, or deeper. Just more colour. Not clownish, not pinker. Just a bit bolder.

The ground under our feet is always unsteady. We’ve weathered enough of it to keep our ducks lined up despite.

Where do we find the look of vitality, since we can’t fool anyone by wearing their hair?

Stop trying.

Work to be rid of what brings you down inside yourself. For me, it is the arrogance of expecting.

Learn the colours that make you look old. We’re talking 10-15 years difference here.

Show the world your real self. It looks calm and secure, not jittery about the next birthday.

Deflect the marketers. They’re just doing a job. We don’t have to soak up everything they tell us. This is what the young ones cannot do, no matter how terrific the visual f/x.

Keep all the doors and windows open. Think about giving your imagination more rein than it had yesterday. It shows the house stands strong.

Renovate now and again. Add new ideas but don’t hang bling curtains.

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Eyeshadow can often go all over, even when you begin with a pressed powder type. If the brush happens to flick, you have a puff that lands in the inner corner of the eye or some other undesirable spot.

Wet a piece of tissue a bit. Just damp. If you can wring out a drop, it’s way too wet and the eyeshadow will get muddy. The texture should go on exactly the same as without the tissue, just stick to the brush better. I just touch the tissue to a drop of water in the sink.

Run your eyehadow brush over the tissue once or twice first, just enough to barely moisten the bristles. Now pick up the eyeshadow in the pan and the usual way, and apply your eyeshadow as usual.

Eyeshadow goes on with the same colour and consistency but behaves itself. Simple, fast, clean, and precise. Makes a surprising difference.

The idea of applying eyeshadow as wet or dry always seemed messy to me. It’s not real-world advice that I can figure out. How do you wet the stuff? in the pan? on your hand? with the brush, which makes a goopy mess of the container? and then goes on all smeary? does someone have time for this?

Here, the pan stays intact, the application is clean, the product sticks to the brush, and it takes 3 seconds or less. There are no random roaming clouds to mess up the real estate and take 5 extra minutes to clean up.

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Plus, it takes time I don’t want to spend on makeup.

Concealer is painted on with an angled eyeshadow brush, a narrow lipstick brush, or any brush that lets you be exact. That’s because the line where the shadow is and isn’t is very defined.  If you get the concealer on the lighter skin as well as the shadowed skin, as you would with fingertips, the whole effect is dulled, if not reversed.

I use Clinique All About Eyes Light Neutral.

I give it a few minutes to set.

The ongoing debate about which goes on first, the concealer or the foundation?

I say concealer, because

• once they set, the good ones stay in place quite well
• they merge better with foundation to become a blended shade if the foundation goes on after
• I use as little as I can in the places I apply it, and would still apply it to the same places if I were to use it after foundation
• it’s just what I like but the other way works too

I apply foundation with a brush. (see Why You Need A Foudation Brush to learn why I find it so much better than any other method.)

Work around the concealer first.

If you have areas with large pores (chin, sides of nose, forehead between brows, wherever), drive the foundation brush into them end on about 5 times (I use a conical shaped brush for this, the Teint Precision brush from Lise Watier that you can see in 3 Great Makeup Brushes From Lise Watier).Finish with a light upwards slick to blend.

Finally, move quickly with 3-4 airbrushes over the concealer, trying hard to keep it where it is, and blending in the direction of the dark areas, not out onto the lighter skin or you defeat the purpose.

Use your fingertip to gently blend the concealer one last time, with a floating swipe, keeping it on the darker skin.

Let the layer coming next serve to blend the one before. It also keeps the hands off the face, a habit that I find messy and germy.

Eyeliner is done the same way.

• apply the eyeliner all around where there are eyelashes
• then apply the light eyeshadow over the whole lid
• then the medium colour wherever you put it, AND as a layer-line over the bottom eyeliner using a small, flat-ended brush
• then the darker colour, FIRST as a soft layer-line over the top eyeliner till the edges are all blurred, and then however you use it to contour

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After the last thing is done, a cotton swab, a magnifying mirror, and a soft brush clean up sprinkles and smudges. Everyone does this, right?

A glow is nice but doing it with shimmer, especially in several places, looks real and flattering if you’re under 40 or Bobbi Brown is your permanent house guest.

Try a moisturizer (CeraVe or something a little heavier so it doesn’t soak in too fast).

• do your hands; with what’s left on the fingertips,
• slick your eyebrows up
• tap some in a wide area on your upper cheekbones where the outer eye wrinkles are (stay ½” from the lash margin and don’t come closer to the center than the halfway line through the pupil) (I do this several times a day)
• extend a little down on the upper outer cheek to make a moist glow
• touch the inner corner of the eye for the same glow without frost (you’ve already put concealer here to make this area lighter, but the concealer covers a much wider area if the shadow is wide)
• touch the bow in the upper lip if you like (ditto about the concealer)

Makeup won’t move if you tap, don’t smear, right over the powder.

Lines are eased and the whole face looks believably moist just by applying a bit to key areas.

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And I’m not alone. In the Elle Canada March 2010 issue where I read the article about minimalism that I wrote about a few days ago, there was another page, about hair. On that page was this question : “Are colour-saving shampoos for real?”

If this question had already been answered, nobody would still be asking it.

You would not have seen this question in a magazine: “Is penicillin for real?”, within a month after penicillin came out.

My latest tactic is to find an ultra-gentle shampoo. Do any of you have Paula Begoun’s Hair book? Though it was last published in 2004, the majority of the products reviewed are still out there today. And many are now at Beautypedia.

I searched for highly gentle and cruelty-free and came up with Paul Mitchell Baby Don’t Cry. I like it a lot. The smell may be a little pediatric but why would I care? I use other scented products on my hair anyhow. It’s not offensive or baby powderish. It cleans quite well, without a ton of lather. Maybe it wouldn’t remove a heavy deposit of product, but I don’t use that much. What I want is for it to leave my hair colour alone.

How’s my hair colour doing? Really, really good. With a slightly stronger shampoo once a week (TIGI Thicker Fuller Hair), it works great. So many, too many, so-called gentle shampoos strip the hair so it feels like a straw mat. Not this.

I needed hair spray to make my bangs go sideways. Once again, searched the book diligently, came up with TIGI Maxxed Out.

No disappointment here. One of those rare products that exceeded my expectations. Great hold, but the hair feels and looks like hair!! No hairspray smell, which I have a dislike of, to say the least.  This one reminds me sharply of grapefruit but that fades fast. The hair freezes instantly. It stays put all day. The nozzle aim is sharp, no blue clouds around your head. Bought it at Target.

A day is better when you find a great hair product.

John Frieda Luminous Glaze went on sale. I bought Clear. There should be an odor warning on it. This product has the honor having no trace of any effect, good or bad. It’s like it was never there. Even the overwhelming fragrance dissipates to nothing.

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Unless their situation was dire, did anyone really trim their lifestyle?

Maximum natural

Macleans magazine, a Canadian news weekly, had an article on the return of minimalism in fashion in the Business section.

AND

on allowing your natural curly hair texture in “The Lost Art Of Curl Maintenance”. Is knowing how to cut this hair a lost art? I know many women who would say YES!! The confidence of feeling natural in your own skin is freedom from the fight.

The times must be a’changing when Macleans devotes space to this.

Minimalism, they say, is the natural outcome of an economic downturn. Fashion houses are hearing the toll of the credit (or debit) bell. They have to scale down the extravagance for awhile. I for one will enjoy it while it’s given.

Clothing, hair, makeup, as art is great. The problem is that it trickles down till we feel inadequate if we don’t mimic it in some way, instead of seeing it for the costume that it is. When women can’t breathe, move, eat, or walk, we’ve gone back 200 years, haven’t we? Gwyneth might look glam when she needs help to get down 3 stairs, but we are not her.

Scope on the Meatless question

Best was the article “Save The Planet, Stop Eating Meat”. Issues come along that we agree we should have a better grasp of, and this is one. Toyota’s problems will go away, and whether I understand the Middle East or not will make no difference.

The Meatless issue impacts the planet’s health, but yours and mine in a very immediate way too. Micheal Pollan’s book The Omnivore’s Dilemma changed my life (did you know that he wrote a version for teens? I didn’t till now), and I will find time to read In Defense Of Food. I know that animal welfare and lakes of manure and CO2 emissions matter, but when the scale of the problem becomes too pervasive, I feel a bit hopeless. I get that each of us plays a role, but it’s easier for Simon Cowell and Ellen to be vegetarian, or anything else they  decide to be.

Meat is just what we got used to building meals around. It’s what the bacteria in our kids’ bodies got used to eating, so they insist on more or they feel unsatisfied. We have no time to boil chick peas for 2 hours. We feel uncomfortable when our 10 year old announces they’re going vegetarian, because now we have yet another activity. The husband would grumble because nobody is going to tell him what he can and can’t eat.

I want to understand the facts but this issue is mired in the same lobbyism and secrecy that cripples every other big issue. If we looked right at it, it would be too ugly, too scary, and too big. We let someone else look after it so we don’t have to. They don’t let us anywhere near it.

Macleans articles are fair and multi-faceted. I can get a handle on the larger topic by reading 4 pages. I understand the history and the arguments, and not sound like an idiot when the subject comes up. This topic will not be going away and the sooner I get it, the sooner my family’s health and sustainability will improve.

Canadians should pick up this issue. We’ll be feeling the difference by next month.

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I don’t know a single woman over 40 who would go back to 20. But few of us are showing the world our real selves. We got distracted in an over-marketed world and forgot that we’re fine the way we are.

Sigourney Weaver looks easy and real, better now than she ever has. She hasn’t succumbed to the blonde highlights and the injections. It’s so much more relaxing to be around than the supernatural way she used to look. This woman looks intelligent and in control of her world. She also shows off the Autumn Season’ s ability to exactly match hair and eye colour.

Young costumes on older women set up a conflict. To resolve it, the viewer has to work. Who wants more work? They work every time they hear music they don’t like, a light turns red, cell phones with 65 buttons. People are attracted to ease and what feels good.

I used to do dress like my kids. I don’t think it was nervousness about age so much as I liked the clothes. I still like them. Hoodies, nylon pants, workout clothes especially, layered tops, they’re comfortable.

People probably thought : What is she saying about herself? That she can still be fun? Is she trying to look younger… does that mean she worries about looking old?  Am I supposed to think something or notice something? Am I supposed to react to this?

I have realized that it was hard to look at. It felt uncomfortable to people. You can’t go by the compliments. People want to say nice things and they’ll find a reason to. Hearing “your eyeliner is crazy” or “blonde hair looks dull and flat on you” is not likely to happen, even if it should.

I hear hairstylists say that women need lighter hair as they mature. I don’t buy it. Maybe a shade or two lighter to soften the effect on the skin (so Sally Field’s skin is better with a medium-dark brown these days, instead of black-brown), but there are too many yellow chunks and stripes walking around. When the colorist stands back and looks at the head they just worked on, do they just look at the hair or the face that has to wear it? Does anyone else find these stripes jarring or aging?

And this just looks like a bad wig.

We have to police ourselves or lose our credibility. That’s a big price to pay, especially when we can have it so easily. It’s the gift that comes with Over 40. It could be almost automatic.

Give them a reason to keep looking by making it look easy and feel good. Life is so much simpler for everyone when we have nothing to prove. That’s a battle best left to the young.

Cover grey if grey doesn’t feel right but don’t look like you worked too hard to change anything. Aging can be scary, but it can be beautiful and powerful.

Wear makeup that looks believable so people don’t feel forced to react to it. Turquoise eyeliner requires a reaction even if you’re 30. Makeup should be your supporting cast, but never steals center stage.

Tell the world who you really are. Look like you really look.

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