One day he rushed into a lawyer’s office and asked him if he could arrange a divorce for him.

The lawyer said that getting a divorce would depend on the circumstances and asked him the following questions:

Have you any grounds?

Yes, an acre and half and nice little home.

No, I mean what is the…

After planning the crime, getting in and out through all the security at the Louvre, he was caught only two blocks away when his van ran out of gas.

When asked how he could mastermind such a spectacular crime and then make such an obvious error, he replied: “Monsieur, I had no Monet to buy Degas to make…

Later, John went to the kitchen to get some refreshments. Bill’s wife followed him and asked, “Did you see anything that you liked under there?” John admitted that, well, yes,…

“My son Steve,” says one, “has made quite a name for himself in the home-building industry. He began as a carpenter, but now owns his own design and construction firm. He’s so successful in fact, in the last year he was able to give…

The architect said he enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid foundation for an enduring relationship.

The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress, because of the passion and mystery he found there.

The engineer said, “I like both.”

The other two replied, “Both?”

“Yeah. If you have a wife and a mistress, they will each…

~ author unknown modifications by AGuy

Engineers do it with precision.

Electrical engineers are shocked when they do it.

Electrical engineers do it on an impulse.

Electrical engineers do it with large capacities.

Electrical engineers do it with more frequency and less resistance.

Electrical engineers do it with more power and at higher frequency.

Mechanical engineers do it with stress and strain.

Mechanical engineers do it with less energy and greater efficiency.

Chemical Engineers…

“You didn’t do it, did you?!”

“I have to admit that I did, though with certain misgivings, I might add. But what I haven’t done, is tell him the rent is paid up for six months!”

~ author unknown

The inscriber insisted that such an inscription would be confusing, since people passing by would tend to think that three men were buried under the stone.

However he suggested an alternative. He would inscribe, “Here lies a man who was both honest and a lawyer.”

“That way, whenever anyone walked by the…

She responded, “Yes, I do know you Mr. Atkins. I’ve known you since you were a young boy. And frankly, you’ve been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. And now you think you’re…