So what are the key ingredients necessary for economic development?

• The right vision – you can have all the strength of the universe but if you’re pointing in the wrong direction you won’t hit your targets.
• Political will – it would be romantic to assume that social change can drive economic progress without the necessary government backing.
• Time – Like all things, it’s not as simple as flipping a switch and seeing the results 5 minutes later.
• Momentum, allied with political will, is the only force that can drive real ecomomic growth.
• International Sovereignty – in other words, the freedom to do what you want, at your own pace, without international pressure or restrictions.

Take out any one of these ingredients and the economy will suffer.

At this point it would be worthwhile to look at the cases of great economic progress in the last few centuries and pinpoint their causes of success.

• England – vision, will, time, independence, a unique ability to improve upon innovations.
• USA – time, vision, sovereignty, geography.
• South Korea – international support, will, vision.
• China – time, vision, political will.
• Germany – sovereignty, will, geography, vision.

In all cases, a strong vision and will are the core ingredients, followed closely by time and international sovereignty. Geography and other factors play a supporting but ultimately minor role.

And as a point of reference, India: time, sovereignty, geography, will, some vision.

Contrast these with Pakistan.

• No vision.
• No political will.
• No time.
• No space to manouever.

Pressuring Pakistan to deliver economic progress in 5-10 years that has historically taken countries several decades is a recipe for disaster. Encouraging Pakistan to adopt macro-economic policies that are in stark contrast to micro-economic realities of the social fabric will only make the problem worse.

This is a nation of slaves after all, having traded in the British rulers for their feudal overlords without raising a hand for their own independence. You can’t expect democracy to happen in a vacuum, nor can you force democracy in a social structure where historically you’ve needed strong autocratic leadership to deliver progress before considering ‘group-think’.

It is convenient and hopelessly idealistic to say that the youth of today are the leaders of tomorrow. In fact, the youth of today are most likely the slaves of tomorrow, in as much as most people in society today are slaves to their economic and social destinies.

As a rule, we are looking for high performers who can form their own tribes and lead local changes. We are looking for people who would want power and have the ability to weild it, and with that we are also facing the possibility of further abuse of that power.

Empowering the youth of today (or any age) is like empowering your child. You need the right environment, the right parameters and you have to hope that the kid turns out alright. But above all, you need to know when to support and when to push them back.

The challenge facing apolitical systems is the opposition such systems face from actual authorities – and in that resistance you either see the erosion of apolitical effort or you see anti-institutional violence.

Therefore if the first goal is to create a sense of responsibility, the second goal is to ensure that there is an acceptance of the new apolitical systems and a transference of power and responsibility, and for that to happen, there needs to be a re-evaluation of our goals and objectives.

Another challenge is the need to make unpopular decisions and the will required to carry them out, something that erodes with the implosion of media and it’s ability to amplify any opinion, wrong or right, good or bad, positive or negative. He who shouts the loudest gets heard, and it’s easier to go against something than to shout for it.

The country is suffering. And neither the solutions offered nor the circumstances in place are going to help things get better. To get out of this mess, you have to identify leaders in all segments of society and then empower them to deliver the change necessary on their own terms, through their own methods.

Five Pillars Of Youth Development

1. A clear and effective system for creating a socially-relevant and able local youth organisation (i.e. a franchise system) where you can enable leaders to drive social and economic change in their local communities.
2. A grounding focus on learning / self improvement – the more you know, the more you can do.
3. A core focus on action – every day, every meeting, every person, must lead to action. Rome was not built in a day, but Rome was built every day.
4. One for all, all for one – back each other.
5. Vision – this is key, because the wrong vision can lead to violence and aggression (see MQM), and the right vision can then pull all other attributes to the right direction.

Whether we have the collective will to push through any meaningful changes in society remains to be see – although as I’ve said previously, we have the conditions (in the near-future if not now) where these changes will become inevitable.

Can youth activism drive meaningful political change in Pakistan?

The short answer to that is maybe, with a few caveats. Is the incumbent establishment well-entrenched and internationally supported? Are there ‘opposition’ groups ready to hijack any activist movement for their own political goals? Are people in the country sharply divided across ethnic, religious and tribal lines? Is there a clear vision behind the movement, or are we limited purely to regime / ideological changes? Is there the unity, discipline and will beind the movement to implement their vision?

Nevertheless, change IS possible if there is massive action, and political change driven by youth movements / civil society groups is a realistic target if there is a clear vision beyond regime change and the movement behind the action has the ability to implement said vision.

We turn to business and two simple yet profound maxims that can help us understand better what is required to drive real political and democratic change in Pakistan.

What Worked Before Will Not Work Now

We cannot keep relying on old methods or simply repeat what has happened elsewhere. Each significant political change happens due to a specific set of circumstances. The London riots most definitely would not have happened five years ago given the same preceding events. The surge of popularity the PPP enjoyed in 1986 and 2007 would not have been possible in 1982 or 2003, simply because the necessary social / political conditions were not there.

If we are going to achieve lasting, meaningful change (and not change for the sake of change), then our approach to it must change as well. Movements in North Africa and Middle East have relied on massive action based on an unshakeable ideological framework and the will to do whatever it takes to deliver change. That is no small undertaking, and similar ingredients would be needed in Pakistan as well.

But there is another side to driving political change – when the incumbent political setup is focused on retaining it’s own power and when the primary opposition players are keen to hijack populist movements (witness the hijacking of the Lawyers’ movement by PML-N) and rely on massive tribal and economic networks to retain their own power bases, change cannot happen from within the system.

And that is where it gets uncomfortable. We will, as a nation, need to change our approach to problem-solving (taking action is change enough in some quarters) and if working within the system setup for us by new politicans every ten years hasn’t delivered, then we must step out of our comfort zone and work outside the system.

2. Ready, Fire, Aim

Ready – the belief that only action can resolve the current problems, the will to do whatever it takes.
Fire – massive action.
Aim – Calibrating your vision so that you can drive lasting change, and not waste your efforts.

It is more important to be ready to fight to the end before you start. It’s more important to take massive action instead of just planning. And at the end, it is important to have a clear vision so that activism is not sidelined by the wishes of more powerful groups or fails to deliver real change.

The current conditions in Pakistan are less than ideal for the type of youth and social activism we’ve become used to in the last couple of years around the world.
It is a closed political system where the incumbents and the opposition exert control via feudal, economic, religious and social networks. The same divides that define political differences also make the system near-impossible to penetrate.

The country has suffered mass emigration in the last decade. According to UN statistics, there are 46 immigrants leaving Pakistan every hour. According to another study, Pakistan has the 11th highest incidence of emigration around the world. The countries worse off than us are usually war zones or completely failed states. When your best, brightest and most capable talent is consistently leaving the country, who will be left behind to lead the change?

We are keen to jump on the bandwagon of a noble cause, but when those causes are routinely hijacked by those in power for their personal benefit, what does our support actually achieve?

Be Ready For The Uprising…And Beyond

But then again, these are exactly the type of conditions that foster a more emotional, sometimes violent, almost always volcanic, shift in public perception. The Pakistani people, will, sooner or later, take to the streets en masse. It will not be to attend a rally / concert, and they won’t be going home the next day to their jobs.

For now, TV, the convenient lack of loadshedding and the ethnic and religious divides by the more extreme elements of our political spectrum (you can include the MQM as well as the religious parties here) and the feudal power of PML and PPP have kept the revolution in check. But the dam will break (whether it’s Imran Khan who leads the first wave or someone else), and when it does, there will be hell.

But that’s usually where revolutions stop. If we are to genuinely become a better nation than before, we need a completely revamped system with sweeping powers given to the new leaders to make the necessary changes, give them time and accept the good with the bad.

If we are to genuinely better our lot, we need to have a gameplan for after the war. There’s no freedom in burning down your own home without the means to build a new and better one, unless you prefer no home at all.

And now, just for fun – “Uprising” by Muse.

No where was this more evident than in the lives of Pakistani Internet entreprenuers who experienced a surge in people from the world over asking them questions about Pakistan, the political situation in the country, about Abbottabad, and a hundred other things.

It drove home an important point – the proliferation of social media and blogging gives people a wide variety of options from which to get their news and insights from, and in the aftermath of the raid many people turned to Pakistani bloggers (and Tweeters) for their information fix on Pakistan.

To paraphrase what one of these new followers (susannyc) said, we need to find the positives in each situation, and building on that, each event in our lives provides us with an opportunity and it’s up to us how we choose to use that opportunity.

In the case of current events, the spotlight has been fixed on Pakistan as the world digests one man’s death and what it means for global geopolitical relations (diddly-squat, if you must know).

Regardless of whether you have tribal affiliations or you see yourself as a nationalist or a socialist hippie, regardless of whether you believe in borders or not, whether you believe in God or not, whether you believe in external and internal threats to Pakistan or not, you still have the same opportunity as every other Pakistani that is caught in even the most outside beam of this spotlight.

You have the opportunity to change the world’s opinions about us. Please don’t waste this by using valuable time to bicker about the government, or the military, or the corrupt landlords, or US hypocrisy, or the despicable politicians, or the opportunistic religious influences, or whatever else itch you’ve got to scratch.

I want the truth as much as anyone else, just as I want electricity 24/7, a revised education policy with a completely revamped curriculum, intelligent use of natural resources, 100% literacy, poverty alleviation, etc etc. Actually, scratch that, at this point most of us would accept just two things – an end to corruption and substantial investment in the country’s infrastructure (with or without foreign aid) with the private sector brought in to efficiently manage and deliver projects.

But back to the truth – and yes, it would be good to know, but it would also be good to be able to raise our heads and look at the whole playing field. 10,000 of us could pester the government for 1 year to tell us the truth, and the outcome would be, at best, extreme frustration and political destabilisation, which will only enable a regime change and not much else (it’s happened before). It will not bring about progress in this country, and it will only perpetuate the common Pakistani affliction – blaming every problem on external factors while taking zero responsibility for what happens in their own lives.

Or the same 10,000 journalists and pundits who have been bleating themselves hoarse and blue on TV, on radio, on Twitter and in print for the last 5 days, these people could take out time to write one article, do one radio / tv segment, and talk about what’s great in Pakistan. Maybe you could mention the cuisine that’s to die for, the jaw-dropping beauty of our landscapes, the tremendous growth potential for investors looking for long-term value, the warmth and hospitality of our people.

This is not a time to accept lies, but neither is this the time to engage in mass protest and point scoring. The world is watching, let’s change their perspective about Pakistan. We can complain, or we can take active steps, using the resources we have available to us right now, to change our world, one step at a time, starting right away.

Any article mentioning Abbottabad these days would be incomplete without mentioning Sohaib Athar. I’ve made more than my share of jokes about him being caught up in a highly improbable situation (one of which got turned into a video about him), but as I said in an interview given on Monday, he’s also the best person this could have happened to.

Here’s a guy who hasn’t used the event or the new found fame for pointing out the country’s problems or cribbing about what’s wrong. At 105k Twitter followers and counting his reach and impact dwarfs anything that the Pakistani online community is saying and doing. Yet you won’t even see him promoting his own business or otherwise selling his story for money.

On the contrary, he has given the world first-hand confirmation that a Pakistani on the street is not much different from an American or an Englishman or any other common citizen around the world. He has put a human face to Pakistan that people around the world (watching TV or following him on Twitter can empathise with). He bought a kitten for his son. He moved away to a city in the mountains to get away from the daily hub-bub of big cities and to raise his family in peace. He works hard and has little faith in global media bullshit that we’re fed 24/7.

He’s got people thinking – hang on, these are real people over there that we’re pinning all the world’s faults on, people who have nothing to contribute to the world’s problems, people who are just like us, trying to live their lives the best way they can.

Contrast this with the output of the journalists you follow online, in print and on TV, and look at what impact they’ve had versus the impact one man has had. They’ve only served to confirm the viewpoints of those people who point at Pakistan and call it a schizophrenic nuclear state, people who blindly associate Pakistan (and Pakistanis) with terrorism and corruption, people whose first opinion about Pakistanis is that they can’t be trusted.

One person showing the world how similar we are and that differences are manufactured, and the whole establishments showing the world that yes, those manufactured differences are in fact real, and you’re right not to trust us.

Note to journalists who might be offended by this:

You’re doing a great job telling the world about Pakistan’s problems. It’s similar to 20 reporters covering a fire ravaging a neighbourhood while there is no one there help those dying. There is no fire-fighting crew, no rescue team coming to save us – the last 60-odd years would have taught you that.

When you’ve got the world at your fingertips, it’s not what you say, it’s what you do. You can be the firefighting heroes, the life-saving heroes, or you can be the messenger that narrated the end of the world. Your choice.

To everyone else:

You may not have a hundred thousand people watching you with interest or dozens of TV channels trying to catch a quote, but if you’re like myself and you’re working online or have friends outside Pakistan, you have an audience (even if it’s an audience of one or ten people) who are interested in learning more about Pakistan.

The events in Abbottabad have turned the whole world’s head this way. They’re listening. Your friends are listening. It’s up to you what they hear. Please make it good.

Update: I didn’t intend to criticise journalists for their profession – after all, I’m a sports journalist myself and big news stories are the life blood of our careers. But precisely because I’ve been doing this for over 5 years, I feel that I’m qualified to ask fellow professionals to look at the opportunity they’ve been given, and understand that if they continue doing what they’re doing right now, there’s a significant opportunity cost involved.

You will still increase your standing, following and reputation by acting as a positive lens for the world to see Pakistan from. You’re already that lens, you already have the growing fame as long as you are talking. But the key question is: what are you talking about?

It’s A Good Day To Die

I know the fear of death, but it brings no urgency to my life. If I died today, there is nothing I would regret missing out, nothing I would wish I had more time for. Indeed, my greatest concern is to let people know what to do with my ‘stuff’ when I’m gone (always the extra-efficient one, you see).

These are not the musings of a man bound by morbidity or fascinated with death. These are not my final words. These are just thoughts, a window into a conversation. If you were ever concerned, this isn’t the thing to be concerned about. Send me an iPad instead.

For a second, it feels as if I only worry for others, how their lives might turn out, and maybe that concern could give my life purpose. But upon closer inspection, I feel divorced from such emotions. Long cut off. I do not wish death – I don’t want to, or have any urge to, give up – but I really dont know what I’m living for.

The sun is rising. I wait for a spark, some inspirational breakthrough. New challenges in life? Devoting my life to helping others? No. Nothing. Death comes in many forms to the living.

In constant pain, I severed the bonds of love and ambition to cure the heartbreak. Now, love, ambition and heart have been well and truly set adrift. Bridges have been burned, idols toppled and castles of sand kicked to the ground.

I am the god of dust – everything in my reach, nothing in my grasp.

And as much as I would like to finish with that line, it’s not the full story. To feel that you’re capable of doing everything and yet in the same breath denounce yourself for doing nothing, it is nothing but weak, selfish / lazy prattling. And because it is weak, there is often only one answer to it, and that’s the second part of this little story.

Sidenote: An excellent look at institutionalised apathy, via TedTalks.

War. War Never Changes.

Yet it changes everything.

The language of war is uncomfortable, it’s purpose undesirable. War is greed, war is death. On the other hand, we celebrate ‘warriors’ for their spirit, and we praise their fighting qualities – from survival instinct to irrepressible self-belief to eternal persistance – as the pinnacles of human nature. We hate wars (or at least we say we do), but we all aspire to be as good, as big, as courageous, as successful, as noble, and as alive, as warriors.

When faced with nothingness – and if you keep your eyes open, you’d be amazed to know how often one faces it – there is only one answer: you have to find a way to survive, and that means going to war.

It’s the only thing I know. I’m far from good at it (this isn’t a self-congratulatory exercise). But I’m constantly reminded of how important this habit of fighting back is, and how little we nurture it in friends, family, loved ones and especially children. In a society that’s geared to instill obedience, in a world where following orders is your first and only life lesson, we’ve developed few useful habits, and we’ve completely suppressed the war within.

Sidenote: This is not a call to action for social or political or religious dogma. You are free (and encouraged) to find your own wars to fight.

It doesn’t matter what your views on life’s ‘grand purpose’ are. It might have meaning for you, it might be a stepping stone to a greater destiny, or it might simply be nothing. In each and every case, you can either fight your war to make the most of your time here, or you can drift away in apathy, twiddling your thumbs and biding time. You can give your life purpose, or you can purposefully let it drift. You can create and change the world, or you can waste your single opportunity. The challenge is having the awareness to know the difference, and having the sense to make the right call.

When the sun rises, you have a choice. You can go to war, or you can go to hell. In the end, it’s the only decision that matters. Choose wisely.

Source: XKCD.

People will believe just about anything, but they won’t believe everything.

The perfect belief system captures the essence of that experience and uses it to it’s advantage. Instead of trying to close all the loopholes, instead of trying to use reasoning to answer all the what ifs, you simply need to do the following:

1. A set of rules that are universally attractive and profoundly important, yet still challenging common values and assumptions. Being ‘right’ isn’t very valuable unless you can (positively) change the outlook of other people through your views.

2. The acceptance that it’s impractical to uniquely reply to an infinite number of challenges, that there will be a infinite amount of questions raised, and that your best bet is to create flexibility and universality in your belief system.

3. Continuing from #2, position your belief system so that anyone who argues with it automatically reveals themselves as a complete idiot. Questions are fair and one thing, but if your system is logically sound and based on well-grounded principles, then either there will be a civil agreement to disagree, or the other person will reveal themselves to be incomplete and foolish.

4. Nothing beats back a challenge like cold, hard, undeniable success. If you achieve great success in your life, while thoroughly espousing and living your belief system, the best argument anyone can have against you is either that you’re an exception (which is a back handed way of calling you exceptional), or that you will ultimately fail. Like I said in #2, you can’t defend against everything. Defend the defensible, and if anyone refuses to accept the proof, or cites an irrational hope for your demise, let them wallow in their madness.

5. Be a man of the people. Yes, you can’t change anything from within, and yes, change only comes from those who refuse the status quo. On the other hand, effective change is about removing obstacles in your path one by one until the progression is smooth and natural, and all that’s left is the starting spark. The lesson? Be in the insider even as you bring in outside ideas. Be one of the herd even though you are leading them to a new direction. Let the people recognise you and push you to the top – it’s easier than pushing yourself there.

Side Note: Conversely, it’s infinitely less painful to exit on your own terms as opposed to waiting for the people to pull you down. Fight the good fight, but be smart.

Bonus Tip: Don’t give away everything you know in the first go. Let them come back for more.

This isn’t a criticism (and you’ll find plenty of critics today), just fact. He has a limited range of orthodox scoring shots, he lacks the hitting power of a Shahid Afridi (although he’s not as weak as Younus Khan), and worst of all, he lacks the dexterity of a Javed Miandad in rotating the strike early in his innings.

But where he stands out – and this is crucial in a team that is traditionally poor in this area – is his mental strength, his calmness, his ability to keep fighting till the end, and through that strength, the flickers of hope he gives to his teammates (and the viewers) as long as he is at the crease.

Today’s semi-final against India was lost in a number of small battles. The dropped catches, the poor ground fielding that conceded an extra 15 runs, the poor shot selection, lack of close fielders for new batsmen, not taking the PowerPlay earlier when Umar Akmal was in full (albeit very brief) flow, Umar Gul’s bowling.

But what you can’t fault is players keeping the fight going, and in that respect Misbah-ul-Haq (dropped catch, slow start et al) is blameless. When more talented batsmen, more experienced batsmen, were losing their heads and getting themselves out, he kept his nerves and some hope alive. When attacking batsmen got out to defensive prods and defensive batsmen got out to mistimed wild swings, he held down one end, playing to his strengths and refusing to bow to the pressure.

You might choose to remember Misbah as the man who lost the 2007 Twenty20 Final. That would be criminally harsh on a player who, again, in 2007 as he did today in Mohali, kept Pakistan in the hunt till the very end. Yes, today the match was lost with 5-6 overs still left to play, but if every batsman in the team did the things Misbah does – i.e. play to his strengths, minimise his weaknesses, keep a cool head and protect his wicket at all costs – hell, if only one other of the top 8 batsmen had done the same thing, Pakistan would have come a lot closer.

Misbah the batsman is probably not good enough to be in the current Pakistan side even with their lack of batting resources. But Misbah the player, Misbah the man is a cut above the rest. He keeps fighting when others give up. He keeps his head when others lose theirs. Misbah is this team’s warrior of light, and it’s a pity the other old heads could not show the same restraint and application needed at such a crucial stage.

All things considered, Pakistan did quite well in the 2011 World Cup. We always expect our team to win going into any game, and there’s plenty of disappointment in how things turned out today, but the players deserve a warm welcome home. It’s time we stopped hating on our weaknesses, and started respecting our strengths. It’s time to stay calm and keep the fight to improve going every day.

It’s time for us to learn from Misbah-ul-Haq.

This blog post is for people who aren’t married – either by choice or fortune (good or bad is your own interpretation!). What works, what doesn’t, why you should / shouldn’t, etc.

We live in a world where marriage is still subtly (or forcibly, depending on which part of the world you live in) thrust upon us as a ‘logical next step’, and yet the same world affords us enough room to live without it (you still can’t escape the chatting behind your back wondering why you’re not married yet though). Monogamy vs perennial solitude aren’t the only options available to you, although it may seem that way sometimes given how our society is set up.

So let’s get started:

Make your own choice

It’s of the utmost importance that you make your decision for yourself – whether it’s to get married, not to get married, to elope, to get engaged, etc – it must be you making the call and not someone else (parents, peer pressure, demanding partner). It’s not going to work too well if you’re dragged into something against your own wishes.

The key here is in the flip side – unless you’ve made the decision for yourself, don’t be bullied / manipulated / trapped into getting married. I’m not saying it’s a trap but there are so many cases, so many people around us, who’ve let others make stupid decisions for them and are now trying to make the best of a raw deal.

Don’t be a statistic.

Can you do without it?

If you’re going to make the decision, here’s the only question you’ll need to ask yourself – can you live happily, achieve all your life goals, and be successful, without getting married? It’s a difficult question to answer, especially at the age you’re expected to decide to get married, but it’s crucial.

Some people say that marriage makes you a better person – it’s not the marriage, silly, it’s the additional responsibilities on your head that lead you to cut out all the distractions, stop wasting time and focus on what’s “important” in life. Usually that “important” thing is making more money – not a bad thing in itself but not the end all and be all of everything either. If you can get that focus without getting married, half of the problem is already solved.

Some people get married to get laid every night / not be alone. If that rocks your boat, then go for it, and you can curse me later when your married life gets ‘boring’. If that’s not your main criteria / problem, read on.

There’s a strong argument here about kids – do you want them or not? If you do, there’s a very, very good chance that you’re going to have to get married. This is probably more important now than you’d realise – because you don’t want to be 40 when your kids are being born, the generation gap is too much to allow you to enjoy your children growing up. If you want kids and you absolutely must get hitched for it, do it now.

If you don’t want kids (or don’t need marriage to raise kids), have a good grasp on your life’s priorities and you don’t sleep alone, why are you even reading this? You’re in heaven, although you’re probably never going to find deep, long-lasting love and commitment. On the plus side, maybe that’s not for you.

So you’re married (or have no way of getting off the marriage train). Now what? I can only brace you for the first few months but since that’s the formative period, it’s as good a time as any to focus on. Here’s what you need to know:

Stand your ground

Marriage is about compromise, right? Maybe. You need to share, both in time and space, you need to deal with a whole new set of responsibilities, ideals, etc.

It’s easy to get lost in all this and move from compromising on simple things like what you’re watching on TV to compromising on on your work schedule, dreams, life priorities, etc. Stand your ground when it comes compromising on who you are – because if you don’t take a stand on the things that matter, you’re doubling your trouble. You’re not going to be happy, plus you’re going to blame the other person for it. Neither gets you anywhere.

So bottom line – share, work together, support each other, but take care of yourself as well. Sometimes that will mean pissing the other person off. Sometimes it will mean going in a different direction. Do it.

Smile and kiss and smile – a lot

95% of your problems will be fixed with a smile and a kiss. The other 5% need the two of you to talk / fight / thrash it out, with someone giving in or both of you reaching a compromise. Save the headaches and logic for when it really matters – the rest of the time, just do what you bloody want and get on with your life. And smile. And kiss. And brush your teeth

Do Less

Going back to the point I made earlier about marriage really forcing you to focus on what’s important – it helps if you get a head start on this and eliminate the unimportant stuff from the beginning (before you start tearing out your hair from the stress of having to do twice as much in the same amount of time). Fact is, once you’re married, your spare time is cut in half. If you work from home, your work time is in danger of being cut in half too.

So do less – learn to say no, focus on the good stuff (and this means taking time off for yourself), minimalise, quality over quantity. You should be doing this anyway, but if you’re getting married, this should be near the top of your list.

Work On Your Relationship

Give it (quality) time and attention. Make it one of your priorities, commit to doing something new each week together, plan small surprises – whatever it takes. You don’t need to overdo it, and you certainly don’t have to make it your over-riding life goal, but keep it close to the top. It pays off in spades in the long run, both in the quality of your relationship and your life.

Heaven or Hell?

The truth is, happiness / success are personal benchmarks. Getting married is no more the gateway to success, just as signing up for a gym membership is no guarantee for a fitter, healthier you. It may be one way for you to grow as a person, understand yourself better and yes, lead to happiness and more success in your life. Or it maybe, like most marriages (and gym memberships), a drain on your bank account, an unnecessary life long guilt trip and a complete and utter waste.

The choice is up to you. Don’t get married because it’ll make you a better person, or because it’ll help stave off the loneliness. Get married if you love her / him, and if you like the idea of raising kids. Just make sure you’re ready for the commitment. You should have been ready for the extra responsibilities in any case.

Oh, and if you choose the third path, good for you.

via Reddit.