We have questions. Twitter has answers.

And, it’s there where we find…the skinny.

This week, I interviewed the one and only Katie from Overflowing Brain. She is excellent at baking, is very sarcastic (but apologizes way too much for it), and OH YEAH has a gigantic brain.

If there was an Olympic event for people with weird injuries, Katie wouldn’t be able to compete. Because she’d be injured.

1. What’s your favorite midnight snack?

It’s well documented that I love anything in the cake family. But if we’re being completely honest (which I rarely am), my midnight snack isn’t cake based, mostly because I know better than to keep cake in the house. My midnight snack is a big marshmallow, smeared with peanut butter and then rolled in chocolate chips. It’s insanely delicious. It’s also a real mystery why I’ve always struggled with my weight. Nutella fingers are another favorite.

2. What is your most useless talent?

I can memorize almost anything. I once memorized pi to the 100th decimal point. I know all the presidents in chronological order. I know all the states in alphabetical order. Basically my most useless talent is being the world’s biggest dork. My mother is so proud.

3. What is the last thing you bought, and why?

The CUTEST shoes ever. I forgot to pack shoes when I was out of town judging a history day competition (see #2 for explanation of why I was judging a history day competition…) and needed a pair of nice black shoes to wear with my adult clothes. The black ones I bought to go with my adult clothes were so-so, but the ones that were right next to them? The ones that just happened to be part of the buy-one get-one half off sale? (to which my husband asked what I was going to do with 3 shoes…eyeroll) Were by far the cutest shoes I’ve ever been able to afford. They’re gray flats with a flower on the front. I think I might have to buy some clothes to match them soon.

4. If you could only bake one thing for the rest of your life, what would it be?

This is like Sophie’s Choice. It’s a dead tie between 4 layer chocolate cake with almond filling, chocolate ganache and toffee bits and a homemade red velvet cake with cream cheese frosting. Just can’t go wrong with either of them. The first one won a cake contest, because that’s what really cool people do. They enter cake and pie contests.

5. How many beads did you get at your first Mardi Gras?

More than I can even begin to count. If I had to guess, I’d say hundreds, easily. Just for the record (in case my mom reads this), to catch beads at Mardi Gras, you don’t have to show your boobs. In fact, I’m pretty sure that if I did, they’d point and laugh and never throw me anything. To catch beads at my first Mardi Gras all I had to do was use every ounce of energy not to kill my mother-in-law, who had come to town to visit. And who incidentally walked away with the best set of beads I caught because she whined so incessantly I gave them to her. I know. Giving in is like letting the terrorists win. But they’re SO much quieter when they win.

6. You are on a flight from Honolulu to Chicago non-stop. There is a fire in the back of the plane. You get enough time to make ONE phone call. Do you use it to vote for American Idol or Dancing With The Stars?

Oh Lord. Neither. I’d call YOU to tell you to get a hobby.

7. What’s the most embarrassing injury you’ve ever had?

It’s hard to remember all of them, to be perfectly honest. I want to say it was breaking my middle finger playing Wii ping pong, but that’s not the most embarrassing…

My sophomore year in college, we were playing a school wide game of mafia. We chose “families” and were emailed “hits” to execute. Fun fact: I’m REALLY competitive, so I was into it. One night this guy who lived in the dorm next to me (and who I had a HUGE crush on) invited me over to meet his mom (which, hello, I wanted him hardcorely (it’s a word), I wasn’t going to turn down a chance to meet his mom). I stayed as long as I could, but finally had to leave to study for an exam. As I was leaving his dorm to walk back to mine, I felt like I was being followed. So I started walking faster and faster, taking a different route back to my dorm to try to lose whoever was following me for the hit. The pursuit continued, and I kept moving. I finally reached a dead end at a brick wall which I knew had a fairly good drop to the ground below it, but I thought I’d be fine jumping it. Because I went to a dirty hippy school, I wasn’t wearing shoes, and so when jumped off the wall, which was actually more than 8 feet above than the concrete below it, I broke a bone in both of my feet. At the same time.

But it gets worse. The person stalking me? Was the guy’s mom, and she just wanted to say it was nice meeting me and to wish me luck on the exam.

In case you wondered, there’s nothing quite like having to wear special shoes on both feet for 6 weeks to really make you look cool. Needless to say, I never got a date with the guy.

Want to participate in next week’s Skinny?  Make sure you are following us on twitter!

This is where I review this week in weight loss TV shows to try and inspire myself to not eat all of the damn birthday cake that seems to keep invading my kitchen.  I was down 12 lbs.  Then back up 4.  Because donuts are good and blood and needles are messy.  On the bright side, still down 8 which puts me right on track to be with the lame asses on Celebrity Fit Club…

Celebrity Fat Club, I mean Fit Club, is testing me.  These, so-called “celebrities” are drama whores and I have questioned their commitment to this from the beginning.  Sebastian Bach:  “I’m just waiting for this to be over so I can pig right the fuck out.” Spoken like a true fat ass getting paid to be on a weight loss show.

Jay McCarroll and Kevin Federline are the only ones here to lose weight and not cash in on their last few dwindling minutes of “Celebreality” fame.

I watch this shit for motivation- PEOPLE!  I want to see  results to give me the swift kick in the ass I need, but all I’m getting is celebrities are pussies and unstable queens.

Bobby Brown is afraid of heights, dogs and shackles.

The show is morphing into the  Sebastian and Tanesha cray cray freak show.  You know there’s a problem when Bobby Brown and K-Fed appear to be the THE SANE ONES! God help us all.

Sebastian rips a plastic poncho off of a camera man because it’s raining  during a challenge “give me a poncho or I fucking quit” because, well, his hair…

could get frizzy and stringy and… oh that’s right- IT ALREADY IS!  Acidic rain melts his bi-polar brain slightly and he hits the unsuspecting camera man and gets into a screaming match with Tanesha- the other resident lunatic- yelling at her “go fuck your weave!”  He’s really got a good heart.

I was starting to lose interest and compassion for these assholes and their lack of commitment… then they got videos from home.  And suddenly, they all seemed human- well, closer to humans.   Their families, kids, parents, KayCee’s husband that hasn’t come out of the closet yet and K-FED’S NEW GIRLFRIEND all gave them a little nudge of support to keep them going (even though they see them everyday and only go to the fit camp 2 days out of the week- like I said- PUSSIES.)

After four weeks, Jay is clearly the stand out, Kevin is close behind and the others.. are … less impressive.

Jay-18lbs/Kevin-14lbs/Tanesha-11lbs/KayCee-11lbs/Sebastian-9lbs/TENA-8lbs/Bobby-7lbs/Nicole-6lbs/Shar-6lbs

And finally, we have the long awaited return of The Biggest Loser- I am so glad that the Olympics are over- a girl can only watch DVR’d episodes of Will and Grace for so long before she starts to drink and pop pills like Karen!  I blame my 4lb weight gain on the Olympics, by the way.

We open in the midst of a challenge between Darrell and Cheryl for an elimination.  It was a lame cliffhanger that Darrell had the underhand in due to his bad knees.  In a not so shocking twist, Darrell lasted under 10 minutes in a squatting position (looking like a dork with a lit torch on his head, to boot) and was sent packing.

This week, we get into catty territory with the switching from partners to Bob’s blue team vs. Jillian’s black team.  A temptation challenge decides ONE person that gets to pick teams- this could get ugly.  And does.

It’s a fun challenge with a huge pile of cookies- that I could TOTALLY put a huge dent in.  Cookies that, by my trained eye, appear to be Duncan Hines’ Soft Batch Chocolate Chip Cookies and they are DELISH and 100 calories a piece.  They play a memory game of sorts of snack items.  If they don’t find a match on their turn, they have to eat a cookie.  If they DO find a match, they give the snack item and empty calories to their opponent.  They are looking for the golden ticket and that will decide who CHOOSES teams and trainers.

Michael and Drea are the only two with the balls to try.

Drea finds LOTS of matches including a “fruit pie” with 480 calories, a glazed doughnuts, and  a chocolate and peanut butter treat  (you may know it as A PEANUT BUTTER CUP- geez Biggest Loser- generic much?) and stuck Michael with 2310 calories of sugar that I’m certain wreaked havoc on The Biggest Loser toilets shortly after!  But the plunging was probably all worth it for Michael who found the “Golden Ticket” and retired to his lair to concoct his evil plan.

** Insert his evil, though slightly afeminite, laughter here**

After several boo hoo I am always selfless and this is the first thing I’ve ever done that is selfish pleas, (yeah, becoming 526lbs was a truly selfless act) he reveals his unfairly stacked teams. Jillian’s Black team: Sam, Cheryl, Stephanie, Ashley, Sherry, and Drea.  Bob’s Blue Team: Koli, Darris, Lance, Miggy, Sunshine, and Michael.   Michael puts himself on, what he considers, the stronger Blue team and decides to give O’Neal immunity (which I’m totally cool with because I loves me some O’Neal!)

Cut to Jillian’s head exploding, “this is like the most fucked up thing I’ve ever seen.”  She needs to take a closer look at Michael wearing his sweatband around his head channeling Olivia Newton John circa 1981 while sporting the white man fro… it’s not a good look.

Next, came a reward challenge. The reward was letters from home, but this was so predictable.  Who can pull a banner up from the ground while on the roof of a building fastest?   Who has more upper body strength…  5 women and 1 man whose weight combined is 1412lbs or 4 men and 2 women whose weight combined equals 1727 lbs? Even a monkey like me saw that one coming!  But the black team made it close… which got you thinking… hmmm… possible upset at the weigh in?

Blue team:
Mike: -15 lbs
Sunshine: -7 lbs
Lance: -5 lbs
Miggy: -4 lbs
Daris: -7 lbs
Koli: -10 lbs
%loss- 2.7

Black Team:
Drea: -5 lbs
Cheryl: -4 lbs
Sherry: -6 lbs
Sam: -8 lbs
Stephanie: -8 lbs
Ashley: -10 lbs

%loss-2.82

Can you say UPSET?  Michael’s plan backfired and his “BFF”, Miggy and her bad attitude was sent home. I can’t say I’ll miss her, but it was good to see in the transformation update that she has found meditation to get rid of all of her negative energy.  When she started The Biggest Loser, she weighed 240lbs and is now down to 179.

Darrell started at the ranch at 413lbs and is down to 293lbs and now fits into his beloved motorcycle jacket.

One of the first pirated movies I ever got was The Cutting Edge.

You see, things were different back in the day. Back in the stone age when we watched things on VHS tapes. Back in 1992 when I was still in elementary school. Back when we made each other mix tapes on our boom boxes and had to use the rewind button to skip to the next song. Back in those days there was no utorrent or bittorrent or mininova or isohunt. It was even the days before Napster. No. If you saw a movie in the theater that you liked, you had to wait months for it to come out on video. And it wasn’t like it is now. It wasn’t like the movie hits the theaters labor day weekend and then is out on DVD in time for Christmas, or even Thanksgiving.

No, you guys. We had to wait. For ages. It was torture. And The Cutting Edge? Well, it had me at TOE PICK. I am a movie quoter by nature…it is a special skill, but also, a problem for those around me who, surprisingly, don’t want to hear how I can recite the entire movie Annie from the opening credits to the closing credits. I can. I really can. Come on, you are slightly impressed. Well, I walked out of The Cutting Edge rambling off lines like…

“When we’re through here, can we please teach it how to breathe with its mouth closed?”

and

“Parlez-vous Olympics!”

and

“What do you do, shower once a week?” “Is that an invitation?”

Trust me, it drove everyone around me batty.

But, sigh. I was in love, nay, I was obsessed. And because my parents were so sick of hearing my talk incessantly about my obsession loved me so much, they went all the way to New York to buy me a pirated VHS copy from a scary man with a scary mustache. OH YES THEY DID. They broke the law for me. Because I loved DB Sweeney that much.

And because Kate and Doug are my all-time favorite Fictional Athletes.

There are others that make this list…and I LOVE me a good list…

Tim Riggins on Friday Night Lights

All of the Peaches in A League of Their Own

Rudy

Rocky Balboa

Jimmy Chitwood in Hoosiers

Teen Wolf

Daniel Larusso in The Karate Kid

Rick “Wild Thing” Vaughan in Major League

The entire Jamaican Bobsled team in Cool Runnings

Happy Gilmore

Forest Gump

The Titans

Jake La Motta in Raging Bull

What about you? Who are your favorite Fictional Athletes?

Last weekend I watched Food Inc and solemnly swore to myself never to eat McDonalds again. Then I got my period and needed French fries from McDonalds more than I needed oxygen. I drove toward the gleaming arches in a hormonal fog, salivating at the thought of salty, probably-crack-infused goodness to sooth my aching crampy body.

(Sidenote: You know, in actuality, I get an entirely different and equally un-awesome type of cramps when I eat McDonalds. Will I ever learn? Probably not.)

Anyway, I pulled into the drive-through line and called my friend and started chatting about her boyfriend and my recent trip and whatever other random things one chatters about in line at McDonalds. As I inched forward, I eyed the menu and decided on my regular choice. Medium quarter pounder with cheese meal with no pickles or onions with a Coke. (I only drink soda when I go to McDonalds. It’s a thing.)

After what feels like half an hour I finally got to the window to pay. The window opened and I stared at a young girl who stared back at me. “Ugh,” I thought. “Is she stupid? What’s my total?” I held my credit card out.

She shook her head slowly and something dawned on me right as she drawled, “You didn’t order any food.”

“Uh, I gotta go,” I mumbled, hanging up on my friend. My face got all hot.

“You’re gonna have to pull around again to order,” the girl said sternly.

I started to tear up with embarrassment and a desperate need to eat the French fries I could smell. Behind me, the line stretched all the way around the building.

“Can I just order at the window?” I asked, pleading with teenager holding my fate in her hands.

She sighed. “Just this once, ma’am. But you really need to be paying better attention.”

Schooled. Totally schooled.

In the end, I got my fries. And a little reminder that I really am ultra distracted when I’m on the phone in my car.

[Photo credit: Mishelle Lane]

Believe it or not, I don’t have many vices.   Xanax is a friend of mine on occasion, sure, but I can honestly say, I don’t depend on it (except that time of the month or when my husband is on vacation or the kids are home on summer break or when I have to spend extended amounts of time at the in-laws, but totally, not dependent.)

I cannot, however, live, breathe, not maim or make it to 10AM without my coffee.

True story.  Five years ago, I didn’ t even DRINK coffee.  I have always loved coffee flavoring and could eat my weight in Coffee Ice Cream (Starbuck’s Java Chip- better than sex any day of the week- I don’t care what you say), but was not a coffee drinker.  Not sure what happened.  I think school aged children could have had something to do with it.

And turns out, I’m sort of a coffee snob.

Shortly after we moved to a new town, I discovered a quaint little French Bakery around the corner.   One drink of their coffee and I was hooked.  Like an addict to a methadone clinic, I was at that bakery for my fill Every. Single. Morning.   Coffee made at home would NEVER cut it for me again.

It had a natural sweetness to it like the caramel gods had sprinkled love into it.  The aroma made my day perky and my life less annoying.

Then one morning, they gave me a free cup of coffee with suspicious smiles upon their faces.   I thought something was up.  I was right.  Free always has a motive.  ”We’re testing a new kind of coffee” she said - as if it were a GOOD THING and I wasn’t going to hurt her!  It was sludgy awful coffee- the kind I could make at home.  I never returned to that bakery- no matter how irresistible and flakey their pastries were!  It was principle.

Still above home brewed coffee, I learned to settle for Mc Donald’s coffee- not bad- $1.00- convenient, better than that bitter mud that Starbuck’s  should be ashamed of raping people of their hard-earned 4 bucks for!

Then, by the grace of God, I discovered BK Joe.  Burger King’s own brand of coffee. SAME COFFEE AS MY BELOVED BACKSTABBING FRENCH BAKERY!  It’s from a concentrate and, if you’ve seen it made, looks like a colostomy bag full of coffee, don’t let that scare you off, it’s delish!

It is with a heavy heart that I inform you of that creepy crown- wearing Burger King dickhead taking away one of the few things that get me by-  and that is considered legal.

Last week, Burger King announced that they would be getting rid of BK Joe and switching to Seattle’s Best (which can’t be ANYONE’S best because I’ve tried that shit and it is, by far, the worst ass tasting coffee ever made!)

I urge you, while you have the chance, go try it… then, if you feel as I do, take action, pass out flyers, write your congressmen, hold up a Burger King- Ok- maybe that last one’s a bad idea- but you get the idea.  Go enjoy a cup of BK Joe while supplies last and my happiness is ripped from away from me.

When I was pregnant for the first time, I went ALL OUT getting ready for the baby.  I researched crib bedding for hours.  Literally.  Hours.

I was lucky enough to find exactly what I wanted from Pottery Barn Kids.  It was a vintage baseball theme and it was adorable.  And since it was my first baby, my family and friends purchased most of it for me!  SCORE!

When baby number two came along and was also a boy, he received hand me downs by default.  Isn’t that what happens with second kids?  Why buy new crib bedding when I had perfectly good, barley used bedding readily available to me.  I mean, it was the second kid, no one was going to BUY me all new bedding and I sure as hell wasn’t going to pay for it.

The room he was going to inhabit was serving as the guest room had already been painted in shades of green, which would work perfectly for our new addition.  It even matched the existing baby bedding!  SCORE!

But now baby number three is on its way.  We’re going to be moving into a new house right before it arrives.  It *might* be a girl.  I totally need new baby decor and gear, right?  My 5 year old baby bjorn and perfectly functioning, but no longer new, swing will just HAVE to be replaced.

Except…I’ve apparently developed cultivated expensive tastes in the past few years.

There are things that I want.  Things which I can not afford.

Like this bedding from Amenity Home.  Because OMG, BUNNIES!

Or this sling from Sakura Bloom. Because, well…just because.

Or this bouncy seat. How cool is THAT thing?!

You get the idea.  I, sadly, haven’t won the lottery recently.  So, also sadly, these things will have to remain on my “wish” list.  Because I’m pretty sure my  husband will be opposed to me spending a year’s worth of diaper money on a sling I’ll probably never rarely use. No matter how pretty it is.  DAMMIT DJ.

Why can’t my tastes mirror my aiming low lifestlye?

Also, why is my husband justified in spending $350 on a golf club that only HE can enjoy and I can’t spend $350 on something that will keep my newborn child warm and cozy on a cold winter’s night? Also, BUNNIES!

Oh, right.  Him leaving the house to USE the golf club means he’s out of my hair for a few hours he’ll be relaxed and happy when he comes home, which really will benefit us all.

Wait.  What was I talking about again?

Until recently it had been years since I had regular manicures. Seven years to be exact. I tried, but after the twins were born no manicure lasted more than a couple of days because of all the hand washing and the rest of the work of being a mom and keeping a house. It seemed like wasted money.

So I have been doing my own nails, pretty badly, for several years. When a huge, swanky, new natural nail salon opened near my house I got a pedicure, but politely declined to review their menu of manicure services. You must try this new manicure by OPI, they said. It’s a natural gel manicure with no fumes that dries immediately and lasts 2 – 3 weeks. Yeah, right.

I used to have fake nails back when I was practicing law. It completed the scary lawyer bitch persona I needed to have. I hated those things. Oh, it looked wonderful for the first couple of hours while I touched nothing that could mess them up, but then I would notice some imperfection around the edge and start picking. Within a few days the edges would lift and I would spend a significant part of my day inspecting my nails and trying to get dirt out from under the edges. I almost went mad. It was a relief to get them off for good.

I said yes to that OPI manicure. Maybe I was tired of my nails looking so scraggly, tired of looking at ridges and ragged cuticles and my chipped, poorly applied polish. They also offered me half off. That helped.

So this thing is by OPI. It’s called an Axxium gel manicure (click on Axxium under Hands/Feet to see colors). They apply 4 layers of base coat, gel, color and top coat, each of which is cured under a UV lamp. Then it’s dry, like dig in the bottom of your purse for your keys dry. And shiny! Nothing to pick at, no lifting. Then something happened that has never happened for me before, I forgot about my nails. They were so perfect and beautiful that there was no need to obsess.

Two weeks went by, then three. I had a bit of space where my nails had grown, but otherwise this manicure looked identical to the day I got it. They soak right off in acetone and then you get a new manicure. There is zero damage to your nails, so you can stop anytime. You can file them down if they get too long and that doesn’t affect the integrity of the polish at all. The whole thing is just freaky.

Here’s the proof. Both sides of my nails at 2 1/2 weeks.

At my salon the Axxium manicure is $40. That is more than a regular manicure, but it is guaranteed for two weeks. I can go three. You do the math. Yes, it’s an expense, but one I am happy to pay because this product is AS ADVERTISED.

All my friends know that when I find an amazing product I become a zealous evangelist for it, so here it comes. GET THEE TO AN OPI AXXIUM GEL MANICURIST IMMEDIATELY. You will thank me.

I’ve taken an informal poll amongst my lady friends, as well as our very astute Aiming Low readers and according to them, these are the top 15 ways for men to make sure they don’t have to partake in the drudgery of sex anytime soon—or possibly ever again.

1. Talk about your junk in the third person. With a cute nickname—preferably one preceded by Mister. That’s always hot.

2. Show your sensitive side by saying things like “Are you stressed? I noticed you’re breaking out again”

3. Say things like “Who’s your daddy?” and “tube steak.” Squicking out your lady is a total aphrodisiac.

4. When your wife or sigoth tells you that you snore like a freight train, tell her no other woman has ever told you that. Then make sure to NOT get some damned Breathe Right strips. No. We love it when men snort like wild boars all night long.

5. Fart and boob jokes. Make lots of them. Immaturity turns us on. Take it to the next level by farting as often as possible, especially in bed, and laughing about it.

6. Push your woman’s head into your crotch. We so appreciate subtlety.

7. Mention her weight. Things like “Have you put on weight?” or “You need to start exercising” are really effective. And whatever you do  NEVER ask if she’s LOST weight. That might get you a blowjob and that is not the goal here.

8. Cough and hork up big globs of mucous. Repeat often.

9. When the baby cries, you should turn to your sigoth and say “The baby is crying” and then start watching TV again.

10. Blow your nose as loudly a possible ALL THE TIME because nothing is sexier than a human tuba. Also, make sure to inspect the contents of the tissue intently, preferably in public. And if you REALLY want to seal the deal, blow your nose in the shower. With your hand.

11. Talk like a baby, especially during sexy time. Nothing says I AM A SEX GOD like a man who sounds like a 4 year old.

12. If your woman is home all day with children, show her that you are totally not sensitive to her inability to get ANY personal time by asking her when was the last time she showered. After that, you should ask her why the house isn’t clean while you sit on your ass and watch Sportscenter.

13. Don’t even TRY to be smooth. Say things like “Wanna do it? or “Are you gonna give me the skins?” Warning: the latter may make some women throw up in their mouths.

14. Leave the bathroom totally polluted after camping out in there for a half hour and be sure to NEVER utilize the courtesy flush. When you come out, say something really sexy about pinching a loaf. No, really. We love to hear about stuff like that.

15. Make sure to NOT know where the clitoris is. Poke around for it like a blind man. If and when you do find it, rub it raw and then look at her expectantly. Up the ante by saying something really romantical like “Are you ready now?”

Did we forget anything?

Coming soon…we ask the menfolk the same question. Stay tuned!

I know that it has been over a week since The Bachelor ended but I wanted to share some final thoughts with all of you who have taken this epic journey of love with me. The season finale was a painful watching experience to say the least.

Let me rephrase. It WOULD have been a painful experience.

I did not watch the entire hour and a half or two hours or whatever amount of fluff they aired. I would apologize to you all for not watching every mind numbing minute but I feel like the fact that I flat out refused would only make you all more proud of me.

So in the first hour(ish) we saw both of the girls meeting Boy Wonder’s family. I’m guessing, you know from what I read on twitter, that they loved Tenley and HATED Vienna. Honestly, who wouldn’t?

For those out there who didn’t know the outcome this should have been the point where light bulbs started flashing manically.

After family time the girls each got ONE MORE DATE. What happened on these dates? Well let me tell you. Jake and Vienna made soft core porn and Jake and Tenley did not.

That said.

Jake picked Vienna.

I read Reality Steve at Ali’s suggestion way back at the beginning of the season so I knew this was going to happen.  What I didn’t know is how it would happen. I did not predict Jake being such an out-and-out tool. I wish you could see my impression of him but alas I don’t do video so just imagine it, it’s funny I swear.

Because it wasn’t enough to make people sit through an hour of filler, ABC decided to air After the Final Rose, immediately following the season finale. Is that normal, do they always do that? I don’t know but here’s what I took away from that nonsense.

Chris Harrison has got to be the biggest douche of a host EVER. The pure delight he gets in making people relive painful memories is down right masochistic.

Tenley came out and spewed her typical rainbows and sunshine. Boring. She didn’t even really try to make Jake squirm when he was brought out to face her. Again, boring.

Jake said and I quote “Vienna’s my baby (insert crowd awww)….I’ve never had this much (raised eyebrow) heat in a relationship”. Then I barfed a little. He rambled on and on and on about how wonderful Vienna was/is and I didn’t see the point in listening so I tuned out to catch up on Words with Friends.

Chris made fun of Jake for pulling a Mesnek, whatever that means. I didn’t watch last season or the one before so whatever.

Vienna and her wandering eye came out to join Jake and Chris and defend her honor against the horrible tabloids. I’m sure there are some false stories rumbling around out there but really can the all be false.

Dear god, in a season that saw more cheesy moments than nearly all of the past seasons combined, ABC really outdid themselves by getting Jeffrey Osborne to come on and sing the theme song. Gag me with a spoon.

Surprise surprise, fan (and personal) favorite Ali is going to be the next bachelorette. As much as it saddens me to admit it, I am looking forward to watching next season. I hope she can regain a little of her dignity and find someone who isn’t a complete tool. I hope you’ll all join me in watching next season, I promise many more snarky recaps.

We have questions.  Twitter has answers.

And, it’s there where we find…the skinny.

This week I sat down with the darling of the blog world, Jill from Scary Mommy.   I met Jill at a cocktail party last year.  We made fun of drunk people.  I love her.

1. What is your favorite big-girl drink?

I’m into spiked root beer floats at the moment. I invented one a few months ago and life hasn’t been the same since: Root beer, vanilla vodka and a scoop of ice cream. You’re welcome.

2. What TV mom you are most like?

I love Claire from Modern Family and see a lot of myself in her. You know, if I were a petite blonde with perfect hair.

3. What is your preferred method for disciplining your husband, silent treatment or verbal lashing?

My husband is a bit of an attention whore, so the silent treatment really does the trick and drives him totally crazy. It’s awesome.

4. Must have dessert?

Anything chocolate— I have zero willpower. Add the world “molten” and “cake” to the mix and I’ve already gained two pounds on my ass.

5. Movie you can quote line by line?

I’m ashamed to say Alvin & The Chipmunks. If I ever end up in a mental institution, that will be the reason.

6. Favorite zoo animal?

I’m a sucker for any baby animal. I almost stole a baby polar bear from the zoo once. Well, not really. but I wanted to. Bad.

7. What internet time suck are you most addicted to?

My blog. I spend hours changing around sidebars and playing with plugins. It’s a complete waste since nobody ever notices but me. I also get sucked in Twitter. Stumble Upon is great for that, too. Clearly, I spend entirely too much time online!

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