a jaunty little blog

Let's Review The Jaunty Little Traffic Logs!

2012-01-31T06:33:00.000-08:00

Friends,

I noticed a big jump in traffic hitting this here hot little mess and upon closer review noticed something stunning—the giant spike is coming entirely from Bulgaria. That's right. The Black Sea former communist nation of 7.4 million has taken a shine to this proud beacon of American values, including japery, tomfoolery and general sniping as well as this annoying itch that we can't seem to get rid of even with the most powerful over the counter liniments and tinctures.

Welcome aboard Bulgaria! We're glad to have you as new members of our minor chattering society. Please do feel free to leave comments and let us know how we're doing.

Your pal,

- bob

Two Sentences From A Press Release - I'm Not Falling For It Edition

2012-01-10T18:21:00.001-08:00

The Little Jaunty Booth Babes
- Proudly Present -
- A Branding Exercise -
- That May Be Overly Precious -
- And Makes Very Little Sense Upon Reflection -

It's Two Sentences From A Press Release!

"Similar to the Dodge Dart of the late 1960s, the 2013 Dart offers a special blend of style, performance and innovation. The Dodge brand leveraged its nearly 100-year history of passion for building high-quality, innovative vehicles that stand apart in performance and style, as well as from its partner Fiat’s global compact car expertise, to develop the all-new Dodge Dart."

Very similar!

Happy New Year!

2011-12-30T18:31:00.001-08:00

Friends,

A new year is upon us and it's time to reflect on the year that's been. The highs and lows, the tragedies and the triumphs.

All done? Great!

Happy new year!

- bob

Happy Christmas!

2011-12-23T07:05:00.000-08:00

Friends,

Between my several jobs and the grind of winter, I'm afraid that I just haven't had the time to post as often as I intend to. I really do prefer longer posts, but those kinds of pieces require more thought than I seem to have the capacity to produce. Things should, on the whole, settle down in the new year though, so expect much more starting in a week or so.

In the meanwhile, with things starting to heat up again in the Falklands, please enjoy this news photo of an imperialist subjugating the locals.

Have a happy and safe Christmas and a fine new year!

- bob

I'm So Sorry

2011-11-27T19:13:00.001-08:00

Friends,

I may have killed your computer.

Things seem to have gone horribly wrong at bobtherieau.com and our home site has been used since August to peddle bad juju to you, our glorious and good-looking readers. Some evil chump had taken it upon herself (see what I did there? I mixed up your expectations of the gender of hackers, didn't I? now look at yourself. go on. look.) to glom onto the friendly shoal on these internets where you can find the rest of my stuff to send you bad things. That's the simple version, but for you, I hope you learn from my mistakes:

Don't use public WiFi to fetch your mail from a computer or a smartphone because your passwords tend to be sent in the clear, without encryption.
This is especially true if your email user name and password are the same as your site admin user name and password (or even close).

Everything seems to be fine now that we've changed servers, passwords, user names, likes, dislikes, aftershave, everything. Well, everything but the goodness that you can expect every single day here.

And again, we're really sorry that once again you've had to go to Best Buy and ask some geek to explain why your peecee is running really slowly. Maybe it'll be better next Thanksgiving.

Your pal,

- bob

Now The Circle Is Complete

2011-11-20T17:06:00.001-08:00

Friends,

I'm happy to announce that I'm now the proud owner of a 2012 Jeep Wrangler. What you may not know is that I travelled to the future to get it, and good gravy, people, it's full of THE FUTURE! Gizmos and tricks abound in the thing, which is not really what you'd expect from a Jeep.

What led me to make such a reckless gamble on the health of my own personal economy? I carefully considered my options and came to the realization that the Grand Livingroom needs extensive and expensive repairs, the Mighty Jeepster would not be the best way to drive 100 miles a day, and the teensy racecar (may Marco's dad have mercy on her soul) is absolutely no good in the snow. Did I mention that we're getting snow right away? And ice. And ice and snow.

Mostly, though, I haven't bought a new car since 1988 and I think that I would like to have a vehicle that I can work on when I want to rather than when I have to. That, and I was driving like a tremendous knucklehead in said racecar, and I think it was making me into a bad person. The type of reckless and angry person that I really don't care for. It was the kind of car you get to drive fast and hard, but this isn't a place for that sort of thing, I've come to realize, so my greatest challenge has been to settle into the slow and dull pace that everyone else here has adopted. The driving dynamics of the Wrangler reward slow, as does the free satellite radio, so I'll just turn on the blues channel and take it easy from here on. I also thought that remaining alive might be a good idea, so getting rid of the sports car also made sense for obvious reasons.

But the interior of the new Jeep is also a nicer place to be, considering that it's from the future. It has an air conditioner and a heater, after all. This is quite a luxury considering the other vehicles in the Damp Dog Lodge fleet. It even has a radio that plays radio stations and magically connects to a cellular phone as well as a satellite that's full of music. You can talk to it and it talks back. And it has six gears in its transmission that you can select yourself. That's two more than certain other Jeeps around here…

Once Spring comes, I can get to work on the Grand's engine problems, then bid her a tearful farewell. She's been a life saver for many years, but somebody with more time and patience should take on her challenges going forward. I suspect that the price will be very reasonable.

I'll let you know how scary a short-wheelbase and slab-sided vehicle can be once something crops up, but I'm really pleased at the moment. Maybe it's the new car smell.

Your pal,

bob

Seven Millimeters of Cabin Fever!

2011-11-05T15:13:00.001-07:00

Friends,

The first snowfall of the season here in America's Cleanest and Bestest Forest started yesterday and here I am stuck without a Jeep. Okay, to be fair, the Mighty Jeepster is up and running, but not the best mode of safe transportation with its sternum-stabbing steering column, metal dashboard and crusty lap belts. It's great for around town chores, but I rely on the Grand Livingroom to get to and from work when the weather trends towards ice and slush. Call me old fashioned.

Because I live in a town that runs at a slower pace (which is, incidentally, why we have Daylight Saving Time—so that we can finally catch up) and I need a special tool to fix my all-wheel drive Barcalounger that will surely maybe arrive Monday or thereabouts, I have had the opportunity to look at some internets.

So let's see what's on Metafilter. A link to Craig Ferguson's Halloween show? With Neil Gaimon? I'm in. Particularly since their interview touches on the Doctor's Wife episode of Doctor Who. He was even in a musical number at the end of the show.

But who is Amanda Palmer? Well, she's a singer, ~~used to be~~ is currently in the Dresden Dolls, married to Neil Gaimon (interesting couple), and is also a noted pescatarian.

Which reminds me, I should go to the market and get something for dinner.

- bob

Happy Halloween!

2011-10-31T19:25:00.001-07:00

Friends,

Here's a little snapshot of the office Halloween party here at Jaunty Central we thought you'd enjoy. The Idyllwild Weather Clam and I thought it'd be fun to dress up as Roy Clark and Buck Owens, but the girly dog insisted on dressing up as Ernest Borgnine.

I don't get it either.

- bob

Mountain Lion Spotted! Still Checking For Pumas and Cougars...

2011-10-19T06:52:00.001-07:00

Friends,

My part-time, next door neighbor called last night to let me know that when she drove home from her cabin on Sunday, she had to make a panic stop halfway down the street to avoid hitting a mountain lion. "I don't know if you leave your dog out overnight (I don't because she'll bark at rustling leaves and nobody will get any sleep), but I'll bet that mountain lion would have no trouble climbing your fence."

I have a couple thoughts about this. The first would be that she must not have been that worried to wait until Tuesday. Maybe it looked sickly or sort of unmotivated. The second is that despite the delay, I still took time out of my evening last night to lose my mind over every tiny noise inside or outside. But my biggest concern isn't that the nice kitty will climb the fence…

Your pal,

- bob

Goodnight, Steven P. Jobs

2011-10-05T20:22:00.001-07:00

Friends,

Mister Jobs, referred to here over time as His Steveness, has succumbed today to the pancreatic cancer he has battled for several years. There are those out in the crabby public who would say that his legacy isn't so much that he invented anything, but that he created an environment at Apple where his employees might innovate. I disagree.

Steve Jobs invented the idea that an entire company can create a global environment where people everywhere might innovate. That's very different.

Godspeed, sir.

- bob

It's A Shame About Ray

2011-09-18T21:08:00.001-07:00

Friends,

So, we went mattress shopping over the weekend and wound up at a place in a strip mall because the sale signs drew us there and were greeted by Ray. He was a little dumpling-shaped and looked a little tired, but was very enthusiastic about mattresses and their construction. So much so, that even after we suggested our very low-ball budget, he continued with a pitch as energetic as a mop salesman at a county fair.

He discussed foam densities, how memory foam was "developed by NASA" so it couldn't be very good on Earth—nudge-nudge, and how we could take the mattress back within a five year window if it didn't feel right for free adjustments. Then he discussed covers…

"All of the mattresses we make are covered in cotton fabric or silk." Well, okay. He went on, "What are you wearing right now?" pointing to our jeans and t-shirts, "it's cotton. That's what's good for humans. Humans can't be comfortable on synthetic fabrics. What's good for humans is cotton."

My first thought was that there was a language problem. Maybe Ray isn't from around here. Then he pulled out the fabric samples.

"You put your hand on this. It looks like cotton, but it's not. It's man-made. Can you feel the heat? I can. I'm very sensitive, very sensitive to it. You can feel the heat," and he briefly waved his hand over the swatch, then pulled it away quickly to make the point.

Pleasantries and prices were exchanged, and after an uncomfortably long period of time in Ray's store, we finally made it out the door.

"Did you notice that Ray referred to humans in the second person?" I asked as we got in the car. "Yeah, why?" "I think Ray is a space alien marooned here, just trying to make a living. What do humans do most of the day? Sleep. He and his shipmates did some market research and decided on mattresses."

"He did kind of remind me of that guy in Men In Black," she said.

- bob

Mr. Bigshot Linguist

2011-09-16T20:50:00.001-07:00

Friends,

I went to a local branch of Stinko's bank this afternoon to deposit a payment for services. My colleague at the Far Eastern Outpost of San Diego's Omnipresent Charitable Organization wanted some framing materials and the local purveyors of framey bits wanted a dishonest fortune. Double what the CEO of Chicago, Illinois' very own Bell Studio was asking. Why? Who knows, but they lost the sale nonetheless.

The check was cut, I got the account number, and sidled up to the teller window. "This number is too long," the teller worried. "Oh, it's an account in Chicago, their numbers are longer. It's for my brother's business." Because they absorbed some other bank and kept the numbering system there, I guess. I've been through this before and could look like some sort of financial industry genius offering the information without the details.

"I see it," as she scanned her screen and read the results, "Bell Studio, Paul …" She decided not to struggle with our very foreign last name, but I offered the pronunciation anyway. "TERIO" "Um, sure, whatever." Then a pause.

"Oh right. You're the brother. I guess you'd know."

Yes. I think I might.

- bob

11th September 2001

2011-09-11T09:55:00.001-07:00

Friends,

I've been suggesting every year on the anniversary of the terrorist attacks on the 11th of September, 2001 that we never forget the atrocity. This year, there's no way that anybody could possibly forget with the overwhelming media coverage. I'm still, after all these years, shaken by the events of that day and I'd really like to get away from the weepy commemorations of the day. I find it all to be far too much.

- bob

Wankel? No Ma'am, I'm Just Looking

2011-09-01T21:19:00.001-07:00

Friends,

News that Mazda has killed the slow-selling RX-8 means only one thing—that the rotary engine will cease to be in production in any of their production vehicles for the first time since the late 60s. They're pretty cheap right now as dealers try to clear their remaining inventory, and I'm thinking that I need a weird four door sports car with a thirsty and smoggy engine at this moment, but a good night's sleep should cure that.

I've always been fascinated with the engine that goes "hmmmmmmm," but not so fascinated to dive into the world of massive oil consumption and blown apex seals. That's not to say I couldn't, just that I shouldn't.

Right?

- bob

P.S. If you know somebody who has a Rotary Pickup in decent shape, let's talk.

Well, That Took Long Enough

2011-08-18T19:28:00.001-07:00

Friends,

News has come down today that newish Hewlett-Packard CEO Leo Apotheker, in a financial call today, killed the company's PC and mobile device business (not the calculators! Nooooo!) in favor of their server, software and services business. This, dear readers—even though I'm not at all bitter—comes a little late, don't you think? Carly's purchase of Compaq ten years ago cast my life and the lives of my dear friends into a wee little bit of turmoil, so only now I can sit back here in my Secret Alpine Laboratory and gloat a little. But only a little.

I've spent the day thinking about how the timeline was damaged by the HP/Compaq merger. We've all figured out how to deal with it in the ensuing decade, but what could we have done together if we'd been allowed to continue on an unperturbed path? It's a fun thought experiment.

Not that I'm bitter,

- bob

An Ad Agency Buys A Handheld Radio Manufacturer

2011-08-15T07:19:00.000-07:00

Friends,

News came out this morning that Google is buying Motorola Mobility (the smartphone arm of Motorola) for twelve and a half billion dollars. That's a premium over how Motorola shares were valued last Friday and carries with it, I think, the overwhelming odor of desperation.

Of course, everybody's making a happy announcement about the sale, like how the synergistic metrics between the longtime global partner teams are now forming a more tightly integrated new paradigm, or somesuch, but doesn't this mean that Google is now directly competing with LG, HTC, Samsung and all the other Android handset manufacturers? And won't those same highly valued partners continue to wonder how Google is sandbagging every time an Android release comes out?

If this is a reaction to the Nortel patent grab of a couple weeks ago by Apple, Microsoft and others, it seems to me that it's a bit like putting out a camp fire by urinating on it without warning all the other campers to pull their marshmallows out first.

- bob

P.S. I use the first generation Motorola Droid for work and am as impressed by it as this guy.

UPDATE: Super creepy and eerily similar plaudits for the marriage here. We welcome the news!

Gladiolus? Better Than That, We're Tickled Pink!

2011-08-11T11:12:00.000-07:00

Friends,

It's time to clean out the card on the camera for the weekend, and I thought you might like to see pictures of flowers and a grinning puppy dog. The mild weather has done wonders for the late Summer bulbs and having the place to herself again is doing wonders for the girly dog's disposition.

The pictures are pretty good, but I'll try to get more words out very soon.

Your pal,

- bob

Urgent News Update

2011-08-01T06:48:00.000-07:00

Friends,

It's been a while since we've checked in with the Riverside Press-Enterprise's breaking news blog. In this, one of California's geographically largest counties, hardest hit by the recession, the editors and journalists at the region's local newspaper must be pulling their hair out looking for the stories that can make sense of it all...

RIVERSIDE: Rain water floods gym floor

Rain water leaking through newly installed light fixtures flooded the gym floor at La Sierra University this morning.

Keith Gustafson, owner of the Inland Empire Volleyball League, said he had to cancel his organization's practices today because of the water on the gym floor. Once he heard about the flooding, he started at 8 a.m. calling and texting parents of the 200 players involved in the league to tell them of the cancellation.

"We didn't expect this at all," said Gustafson, noting that he's never had to cancel an event because of the weather in the 12 years he's run the year-round program.

— DAVID KECK

Water polo is kinda like volleyball,

- bob

UPDATE: I've changed the picture to puppy pads. I trust Arm and Hammer won't mind.

Blink.

2011-07-27T20:37:00.001-07:00

Friends,

Congress has decided to play a game of chicken with the finances of the United States. A game of high-speed mumbley peg with the nation's digits under their rusty jack knife. What's worse, (a worse thing, or are you extending the metaphor? -ed) is that the country's economy hasn't recovered enough to afford even a tetanus shot against the missteps of these ham-fisted apes. Before you get all fiscal on me, I'm not cutting the prevaricator in chief any slack on this either. He had the opportunity at the beginning of the year to ask for a clean debt increase bill and missed his chance. Now it's the '72 Munich Olympics in the capitol with our finances held at gunpoint, all due to some red meat types latching on to the idea that a debt limit increase is for future spending and not to pay for stuff we already bought.

The Treasury Department has set a deadline for next Monday when we'll run out of money to write checks for government things, like checks for pensioners and tranquilizers to keep the space monsters we've locked up from eating us. We're in a pickle, folks.

What will happen? Will the legislative and executive branches cut a last-minute deal? Will the president, in lieu of a deal, exert his executive privilege to extend the debt ceiling on his own? Will the "full faith and credit of the United States" be as suspect as a clean lab result from a professional bicycle racer? The answer to these questions, and whether we're all doomed, will be answered next Monday.

In the meanwhile, fill up your gas tanks. Just saying.

- bob

Finality.

2011-07-21T09:37:00.000-07:00

Friends,

America's space shuttle program ended today with the successful landing of Atlantis. Times are tough in this country right now, but this really drove it home.

Your pal,

- bob

P.S. Image courtesy NASA's photo stream on flickr.

High-Energy Update!

2011-07-17T11:15:00.001-07:00

Friends,

We've had a week or so to work out the dynamics here at the Damp Dog Lodge and some things have become clear; dogs are protective of their food, even if it's not their own, and will start fights. Dogs who can't hear very well are easily startled by other dogs approaching from outside of their diminished peripheral vision, and will start fights. Dogs who are not in any physical condition to play will try to murder dogs who try to start playing with them. Take away these conditions and no fights, right? I feed one over here and the other behind a locked door. Problem solved(-ish). One sleeps here, the other sleeps over there and the startling ends. Sorta. Playtime dog learns a lesson and stops initiating play. Easy to implement (of course not).

We've reached detente. An uneasy peace. There's a floating demilitarized zone between the two, with each camp cautiously monitoring the other across this imaginary line. No loudspeakers or binoculars needed.

Now if we can figure out a way for the old guy to make it all the way out of the house to the doggy restroom area before the transaction commences...

Wearing slippers for safety reasons,

- bob

The Other Big Announcement

2011-07-10T20:44:00.001-07:00

Friends,

The Monkey Boy has landed. He's elderly, a little shaky, not as mobile or flexible, but still as majestic as ever. He still has the command of the room that he's always had, but is certainly slowing down. At thirteen, he's pretty old for a German Shorthaired Pointer to be sure, but even though his back legs fail every now and again, he's still up for chasing a squirrel. For staring at the Stellar's Jays for an uncomfortably long time.

Sure, I've already broken up a couple fights between him and the girly dog who knows for certain that she owns this place, but I think they'll settle in for the next month. What I'm not sure about is whether I can deal with cooking up old guy food in my largely vegetarian kitchen. Chicken neck hash? Cripes.

I'll have pictures soon, when my camera arrives from Canon repair.

Your pal,

- bob

P.S. I know you wanted to hear the real big announcement, but I wasn't allowed to talk about it then. I think I'm clear to discuss it on Monday though...

And Then July Happened

2011-07-06T21:22:00.001-07:00

Friends,

Well, where did we leave off? Oh yeah, I had half a job, my teensy racecar was overheating, and my family was itching to descend on the Damp Dog Lodge for the Fourth of July festivities here in America's Cleanest Forest. How'd all that turn out? I might as well tell you about that stuff, but I'm saving the big announcement for tomorrow. It's as close as you can get to exciting without crossing over that line. Think of it like having home made strawberry ice cream, only to find out that the chunks of fruit had frozen into blocks of ice. Let's go!

The radiator problem in the tiny racecar was solved by installing a new one, but not just any one would do. Oh no. I had to get a shiny new extra capacity Koyo aluminum radiator from the good people at Good-Win Racing. While much more expensive than a stock replacement, it holds more coolant and is much shinier. It's kinda neat to be able to run the air conditioning down in the desert without the thing boiling over. Trust me on this. It's also shinier.

I was concerned, given the now proven to be wildly inaccurate weather predictions, that it'd be an unreasonably hot weekend for my guests so I bought an inflatable kiddie pool and water guns so that they could cool down a bit. I needn't have worried since monsoonal cloud cover rolled in and made Sunday and Monday an absolute treat.

The only times tempers really flared was when somebody achieved more treats than somebody else. Minor slights, easily handled by bringing out more treats. The kitchen overflowed this weekend, presumably because my siblings thought that we all might go hungry and brought bags and boxes and coolers full of provisions.

Naturally, we all went to the Idyllwild Fourth of July Parade. It's a tradition, an event and a spectacle all rolled up into one.

Some of us came for that spectacle. Some were excited about the entrants in the parade flinging candy at the crowd. Some just came to have a good time.

Some came to see men with dogs in their trousers riding motorcycles.

There are those of us who don't think it's a proper parade unless the UC Riverside Pipe and Drum Band passes by. They stopped in front of us to finish the song they'd started 100-feet away and it was a real treat. There's video of some of their performance, but it's on Facebook and I don't know if you'll be able to see it. Let me know and I'll see if I can get it somewhere else.

Then there was a Jeepster, which are as rare as hen's teeth. Then another.

At the very end of the parade, the party fire truck. These folks were tearing all over the hill with sirens blaring, bells clanging and what sounded like wasted co-eds whooping all weekend. My folks were annoyed. I was entertained. If you had an antique fire truck with seating for twenty, what you you do?

I thought so.

Big announcement tomorrow! I hope you can still get to sleep.

Your pal,

- bob

Pollen: The Photo Series That Killed My Camera

2011-06-19T21:13:00.001-07:00

Friends,

I haven't driven the teensy tiny racecar in a few days and it has sat outside waiting for another trip to the Festival of Dirt. Also during this lovely springtime period, the local forest has been blowing its bits all over the neighborhood to encourage the propagation of little forests. You can tell which cars carry locals, for instance, by the greenish-yellow pollen dusting their windows and wherever any amount of crud has accumulated. Crud is my middle name since I don't wash the cars very regularly (there's only a finite amount of water up here, you know) and the pollen adhesion has taken on patterns formed by weeks old grime that I found kinda interesting

I liked this shot for the swoop under the mirror. It's almost like nature is dusting for prints of when I was speeding. Not that I would ever do that of course, but the forest is perfectly within its rights to investigate a hunch.

Then there's the hood. Either the aerodynamics over the hood are nuts or this is completely random and makes no sense whatsoever. I'll take both.

Then I was attacked by a swarm of mosquitos that came from nowhere down in the driveway, which prompted my frenzied swatting. The front of the lens of my camera flew off, as did some of the little shutter vanes and when I turned the camera off, the lens jammed and now it won't restart. This stinks. Especially considering that my favorite camera holiday on the Fourth of next month is rapidly approaching. Cross your fingers that Canon can finish the repair in a week, like they say they can.

Your pal,

- bob

Cloud Services Are Atmospheric, Damp

2011-06-14T20:54:00.001-07:00

Friends,

I presume you've purchased songs from Apple via iTunes, so launch the old girl, update to 10.3.1 and go check for the purchases that you've lost long ago on old forgotten machines. As long as the iTunes server remembers what you've purchased, you can download them again thanks to the giant piles of cash Apple has shoveled into the gaping maw of the late great music industry. Get them now before it's too late!

- bob