My best friend and I have been talking about her wedding for about half a year now. And in 15 days it’ll be her big day already. I am so happy for her. Finally, she’ll be marrying her first and last boyfriend and I know how it feels for both of them. We even had a thread on Facebook where all of our friends are actively participating too. I’m a little preoccupied about this matter though. I don’t want to miss my best friend’s wedding because of the job I’ve got overseas. That might one of the good breaks I’m waiting and I don’t wanna miss it too. I talked to mom if I can schedule a flight after Celine’s big day in case this overseas work would need me to report asap and she said that it’s something out of our control anymore. It’s already a matter of when the job would need me and it’s for me to decide. I felt sad about what she said because that may be one of the last requests I might have before I leave again. I don’t know what to do if I can’t have both.

10 February, 2010

I turned down the job offer due to several constraints. Well, it’s ok. At least I can breathe easier and move on. I’m happy anyway.

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³⁷“Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven. ³⁸Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.”

³⁹He also told them this parable: “Can a blind man lead a blind man? Will they not both fall into a pit? ⁴⁰A student is not above his teacher, but everyone who is fully trained will be like his teacher.

⁴¹“Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? ⁴²How can you say to your brother, ‘Brother, let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when you yourself fail to see the plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.

Luke 6:37-42

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I’m sorry, I’m just so fed up with what’s happening. Believe me, I never wanted this dramatic life.

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What if I took Theatre Arts or a computer-related course like IT when I was in college? They are my first love anyway. Perhaps I am not having this kind of sentiment and maybe I am much happier and more true in congratulating newly passed nurses right now. Maybe I’m more successful and much happier with the status of my career. Well, maybe. I still can’t tell. Regretting can be easy but whenever I think of real friends I’ve met because of the course I took, it’s becoming harder and harder to think of any regrets to make.

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By the way, I frowned first and felt like an eyebrow raised before I felt happy to all those who passed. I don’t know but that’s how I’m feeling after seeing no progress with this career where white uniforms exist. I know that progress depends on me. I’ve got any license, certificate and registration you may need. I can get a job but I want a fair compensation. With how the world is running, let me be honest. Money makes the world go round. You need it to support your few luxuries or at least feed yourself and perhaps support other family members too. Without it, you’ll live and die a beggar while stepping on your own ego. Maybe I’m just in an early middle life crisis stage and becoming impatient that’s why I’m saying this, please excuse me.

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Oh yeah, since you’re a teacher’s pet of those who doesn’t have one word and only think of themselves when making decisions, I am not surprised to see my brother cramming because of YOU and your poor decisions. By the way, do you have a Master’s degree and/or enough hospital experience for you to QUALIFY teach university students? NO!

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I didn’t name who that person is because one, I want it to be a time for reflection for everyone who is in the teaching profession. Secondly, I don’t wanna be sued because of some damage I can possibly cause to their names. And lastly, it’s no longer my issue. It’s my brother’s issue and I might cause a big trouble in case I do. But to tell you, it still did. It created a major issue and served as an open blind item for our batch. I understand that nursing profession in the Philippines would not help you in any way to support an extra life. Lucky are those who get paid from nursing career. Usual salary ranges from 80-200 USD a month. But for the vast population of nurses, they don’t get paid because most hospitals are not in need of additional staff. Hospitals only accept volunteer works to minimize workload of staff nurses they have which leave newly licensed nurses with no choice but to grab it. And in some cases, volunteer nurses usually have to pay some amount just to gain a hospital experience in some hospitals. Imagine how it affects the ego of most of us. Unemployment or being underemployed is the consequence of the nursing popularity overseas. So I’d really understand if anyone would be grabbing a chance of any under the table offer. And to be honest, with the situation that nurses are having I’d grab any under the table offer too. But if I do, I will make sure that I deserve the amount they have risked just to put me in a position which in this case is teaching university students. For the 16 years I’ve spent at school, I know I’ve had enough experiences to see that good and bad qualities of teachers/professors that I should follow and avoid. I don’t want to be in a situation where I have to repeat the same mistake I have observed over and over and over and over. I always wanna feel that I’ve grown up and not people hoping me to grow up. Sadly, that’s the case of the person I’m trying to pertain on my shout out where everyone wishes a more mature and considerate decision making skills for that person asap.

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And just today, my brother talked to me, very scared to this batch mate  of mine who confronted my brother personally and claimed that if he isn’t that nice, he had failed my brother already because of what I have said. Can you just imagine that?  This person is taking what I have posted on my Facebook wall personally against my brother which in the first place is unnamed. My brother said that the Dean of the College of Nursing and the University President talked to this classmate of mine who happens to be a university professor now despite the qualifications required and made him understand what is professionalism and how setting a fixed deadline on projects are important for students to create a good time management which will later on lead to good academic performance. In my own theory, the University President and the Dean of the College of Nursing won’t talk to this classmate of mine that way if there’s nothing wrong with the attitude. No, I’m not bitter nor sour-graping. I just want the attitude to be changed because it’s never too late to do that. I think that’s all I have to say.

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I feel really really sorry to my brother about him getting into trouble I caused from that simple Facebook shout out. I deleted it upon his request but I’m gonna stand with what I have said.

So instead of going out to party, I dozed off without having a chance to change clothes. Sleeping is good and has been one of my favorites and I think I deserve it, but hey, it’s Friday.