As the Mist Rises

As the Mist rises
I rest in your arms.
In this forest
a sweet, comforting
fragrance pervades,
filled with the times of youth
that are on insistent replay.

After the Mist dissipated
a lifetime
has past.
Amidst the desolate mountains
and muted lakes in
this crowd of tens of thousands
there remains that single

Silhouette
that I would never forget.
—
T/N: Another year, another Chinese V-day. Happy Chinse V-day everyone! This poem actually fits the original story of Chinese V-day too, except the mist would be the birdies. ☺

霧起時

霧起時 我就在你的懷裡
這林間 充滿了濕潤的芳香
充滿了那不斷要重現的少年時光

霧散後 卻已是一生
山空湖靜 只剩下那 在千人萬人中
也絕不會錯認的背影

Fresh blossom.

Realization

The Hibiscus
the maiden picked
as she crossed the river
was but an event
of Yesterday.

The clouds that
have been adrift
for millenniums
over the river
left but a few
anonymous Poems.

So then,
how would
my experiences today
be any different?

The Love that
tormented me with such tears
on a backward glance
would seem
only but a
Dream.

悟
那女子涉江采下的芙蓉
也不過是昨日的事
而江上千載的白雲
也只不過　只留下了
幾首佚名的詩
那麼　我今天的經歷
又有些甚麼不同
曾讓我那樣流淚的愛情
在回首時　也不過
恍如一夢

Playing my part.

Actor

Please,
do not be fooled by my Beauty
oh, and please,
do not be fooled by my Love
beneath this oil-painted facade
my heart is that of an
Actor.

So please,
remember not to
take my sorrow as true
and please,
do not break your heart
over my performance.

My dear friend
in this world, this life
I am only an Actor
who partakes in the story
of others

crying my own
Tears.
—
T/N: This is very close to how I felt for many years of my life…

戲子

請不要相信我的美麗
也不要相信我的愛情
在塗滿了油彩的面容之下
我有的是顆戲子的心
所以　請千萬不要
不要把我的悲哀當真
也別隨著我的表演心碎
親愛的朋友　今生今世
我只是個戲子
永遠在別人的故事裡
流著自己的淚

His cheesecake was excellent. Except for that fact that it was a bit soggy from having been carried around for quite a few hours (NJ->Manhattan->Brooklyn). Of course, by this point you’re wondering what computer guru has to do with cheesecake. Well, all of us have hobbies. Some of us have hobbies that we really love but that we keep as “hobbies” instead of actually pursuing them as a career because we do not think it’s feasible. While I don’t necessarily think Jack’s cooking hobby is something he should pursue as a career, I think that he should not dismiss the idea. Anything is possible. And when we look back in life, it’s the most wonderful thing to see that you have made the impossible possible.

In the most unlikely places...

We are always looking for ways to realize our dreams… but there are obstacles that perhaps we don’t even see. The other day I got a copy of The Alchemist entirely by accident (as my housemate called it: it’s a gift from the Universe) so I’’ll use Paul Coelho’s intro to his book, as a guide for this post.

He mentions in the intro that there are four things between us and our Personal Legend, in this order:
1. Being conditioned since childhood into believing that what we want to do is not possible
2. We don’t want to hurt others by pursuing our dreams
3. Fear of defeats we shall most definitely encounter on the way
4. Fear of realizing our dreams (and consequently sabotaging our dreams so that they would never come true)

Having personally walked through each of those steps, I had a knowing smile of understanding when I read the book, which is amazing, btw.

Having been raised in a Chinese family, I was expected to: 1) get a stable job and stay with it; 2) get married by 25; 3) have children by 30; and 4) stay put and raise a family. Although I do not dismiss the importance of these things in life, I have done none of the above and am quite successful (@ least in my own terms) and happy. But having to convince myself that I did not have to walk that set path was not easy. I had never been a conventional person, but I grew up having these “points” drilled into my brain and it’s been a constant struggle against them (b/c by nature I am not inclined to go this path). For those who are still struggling to get out of this stage, believe in your own strength and that even if you fail, there is a way back.

Then, I came upon the stage of having to leave my protective shell, which my friends and family have built around me. At the same time that I lose their protection, they probably felt a sense of abandonment – I had left them. Knowing this, it was extremely difficult for me to leave NYC, which had everything I had known and loved. I did not want to hurt them or have them feel that I did not love them (it didn’t help that my mother was doing tons of guilt-tripping). But at the same time that this is fear of hurting them, it is equally our fear of losing them and their protection. It’s for their benefit and ours. There’s nothing wrong with this struggle. And if you decide to give up because the fear of hurting them is so great, at least you know that you’re well loved. However, if you want to take the risk, and you are in this stage, remember that those who truly love you will always love you, and even if you fail at your dream, when you return, they will still welcome you home with open arms.

Fear of the difficulties is fully understandable, but also one of the easiest to overcome because it does not involve the decision of “choosing who you want to become.” If you have the strength of mind to overcome the previous two, just think back to the incredible strength you displayed in having defied your entire upbringing and also stepping out of your comfort zone, and it is not too difficult get through this stage. As the Alchemist says, “the fear of suffering is much worse than the suffering itself.”

And finally, there is the incredible fact that we actually do have the urge/tendency to destroy our own dreams when we are just one step away from it. Why? Perhaps we’re afraid of beyond our dreams. What if we can’t achieve it? What if we no longer have a goal after we realize our dream? What if…

Too much thinking, not enough doing. One thing I have been advocating is that, once you’ve thought enough about something and you still can’t come to a conclusion, then perhaps you should just do it and then deal with the consequences. This is not to advocate stupid behavior. But I believe that most people who end up reading this (amazingly tedious) blog are mature enough to consider all possibilities (and ask everyone trustworthy around them) before they make a decision. If you have thought of everything, why not believe in your own good judgment and make a decision then stick with it and go with it?

Life is linear, yet always circular. We never repeat time, but we often repeat history. The most important thing is to remember that everyone else’s history does not have to be yours and you do not have to repeat your history like other people. In the end, you hold the key to your own destiny, whether it’s in a cheesecake or in the corner office of a Manhattan high-rise… the choice is yours.

One example my classmates/professors have to demonstrate the efficacy of TCM (acupuncture in this case) is performing acupuncture on pets. Animals do not know what a placebo effect is. They only react directly to whatever their bodies tell them. If they feel better, they act like they feel better, if they do not, well, they would still act sick. And animals LOVE acupuncture.

Well, I think that as with many things in this world, if you do not know what you are looking for, you’re not going to find what is actually there. This article in the Times is a great example of that. If people use the typical Western methods of double blind experiments to find evidence of how acupuncture works, it’s really not going to be able to do acupuncture any justice. People have a tendency to like categorizing things so that it’s all neat and orderly. Unfortunately, one type of organization may not fit everything that exists. So is it true then whatever doesn’t actually fit the categorization is an “alien”?