You can expect French service, though, which is the exact opposite of New York service.  That is to say, friendly but slow.

Château de Fontenil, 2004 Domaine Michel Rolland (Fronsac), at €30 was recommended but out of stock.  A replacement of No 2 de Maucaillou 2006 comes from Moulis, an appellation that doesn’t trouble the abacus when counting the bottles in my cellar.  Shame, because although a rough country style of wine, it is perfectly matched to raw beef.  Rich earth with herbs and spices but not aggressive tannins.  As warm as a wine served at right temperature (15deg) can be.

Tartare de concombre avec mousse de saumon fumé was as pretty as the waitress but moved faster.  A cross between a cucumber burger and pint of light ale, it was shaped in honour of my main course, yet dressed with radicchio, chives, radish roots, peppers and strawberry.  A mix of both flavour and texture – light and lighter.  The salmon mousse was so fluffy, I contemplated rolling up a small ball to clean my ears with.

Tartare de boeuf “à l’Italienne” turned out to be with Parmesan rather than capers.  Otherwise, like most steak tartare it demanded Tabasco which gave the dish a bit of John Holmes.

Carpaccio d’ananas caremulsé was possibly the best desset I have ever eaten and I have never even met Greg Wallace, although I am pleased that a dental appointment next week is well timed to remove the remainder of the glazed sugar from my teeth.

I love places like this.  Friendly, informal, with food and wine that would shame The Wolseley, with 1% of the custom.

After setting a French All-Comers Record for most mosquito bites on one ankle, I must go to the pharmacie tomorrow to see if I can get the swelling down to the size of a baseball.

If not, I will be coming again here for my last supper…

Le Puy-Paulin
5 Rue Louis Combes
33000 Bordeaux
France
T: +33 (0)5 56 81 85 52
W: no website found at time of writing

Entering through the unassuming entrance of Max Wine Gallery you could be forgiven for thinking that you are entering a posh handbag or clothes boutique.  But, inspect further and inside you will find not Chloe or Hermès, but brands a bit closer to my heart, and liver.

Bottles of various top growths from Médoc, St Emilion and Sauternes are imprisoned within glass cases but with tempting little spouts indicating a tad of promiscuity to willing punters.  A wino heaven, although at a price.

Lynch-Bages 2006:  Smells potent, smoky, heavy and purple if you know what I mean.  Has the legs of Marilyn Monroe even though only 13% ABV.  Tastes a little kedgeree which is a shame as L-B is normally one of my favourites.  However, clearly a serious wine.  I wonder if it will improve with age.

Calon-Segur 2006:  Another winery of which I have tasted a few.  Smells much softer and more fruity than the Lynch-Bages but tastes more bitter.  Bonfire toffee and cherry.  I would drink happily with steak.

Château Pichon Longueville, Comtesse de Lalande, 2006:  No awards from the plain French Society, or the Brevity Association.  The least smoky so far but the deepest smelling.  Fine tasting with lots of fruit and some mashed carrot and swede.  Toasty and warm, already drinking well on its own in my opinion, for those who don’t mind a bit of tannin.

Les Forts de Latour, 2006:  Smells of wax crayons and tastes similar although rich, deep, tannic and fruity.  If this is representative I would leave the second wines of first growths alone in favour of the second through fifth growths’ first wines.  Confused?

Château Latour, 2004:  Most elegant yet.  If this is representative (and you are a lot richer than me) ALWAYS buy first growths.  An explosion of fruits and tannins in the mouth that makes me drool.  I don’t see the point in waiting much longer to drink this when it is so good now (2010).

Château Margaux, 2004:  I love wines from the Margaux commune and this most beautiful of châteaux has long been on my list of wines I must taste before I die.  Raspberry pavlova and vanilla cream.  Soft, luscious, gorgeous, and like Latour of the same year, drinking well right now.  So soft in the mouth it’s like cotton wool.  I wonder if Marlon Brando drank this during his Godfather performance.

Château Cheval Blanc, 2004:  I tasted Beau-Séjour Bécot recently and Haut-Sarpe from the same year but, although nice, they are pale inferiors.  Bonfire toffee, blackcurrant and toast.  By far the richest and deepest of the wines I’ve tasted today.  I thought most St Emilion’s were more approachable in youth than the Cabernet Sauvignon dominated Rive Gauche but it turns out this is 66% Cabernet Franc.  Bit tea-baggy and probably best left to soften for a few years (or decades).

Château d’Yquem, 2004:  I noticed that the name of the Compte de Lur Saluces was missing from the front of the bottle.  I believe this was the first vintage to omit his name after he sold out to LVMH and retired?  I was in Sauternes last week and tasted some awesome wines from Yquem neighbours, Suduiraut and Guiraud.  Rumour has it that Yquem quality is falling whilst Climens is now jostling for the crown.  Sour grapes?

I have been dying, since birth almost, to try the real thing.  The smell of this wine is enough to give you a stiffy (or moisten you, if female).  Honey, lychees, apricots, pineapple, pear, honeydew melon, beeswax and a subtle pepper undertone.  Could there be more complex wine?  I have never tasted Manna, but this must be the closest I have ever been to heaven.  It justifies the enormous price tag for me, although my bank manager won’t allow me to buy any.

So that concludes a €75 three hour blowout that involved drinking less, in total, than one large £3.50 glass of wine from an English pub, but delivered pleasure that you cannot put a value on.  And if I had a car here, I could probably legally drive home.  I wonder if this is what the British Government means by “binge drinking”.

Max Bordeaux
14 Cours de l’Intendance
33000 Bordeaux
T:  +33 (0)5 57 29 23 81
E:  gallery@maxbordeaux.com
W:  http://maxbordeaux.com/

Over the last few years, I’ve been experimenting with drinking it at different stages of youth.  I have just opened a 2007 and discovered a wrinkly old fella.  Tastes flat and tired,- no zing or spring in its step.  Notes of cardboard, straw and sour lemon.

Conversely I find baby Cloudy Bay, on release, a bit uninspiring.  Almost too fresh and grassy.

So I have concluded that my favourite time to drink this Kiwi standard is about 12-18 months after release where I find the classic cats’ piss, gooseberries and lots of fresh zingy grapefruit.

Has anyone tried this with other Kiwi Sauvignon Blancs?

I’ve been waiting a few weeks for the right moment to drink a bottle of Gaston Hochar’s finest.  Tonight, I finally reached into the fridge and yanked the cork.  But, being a man, I didn’t read the instructions before chugging a good glassful.

Having said that, had I read the label, the Chateau (sic) Musar would have contained 90% disappointment to compensate for one stirring, vital and possibly life saving sentence.  The label is written mostly in French.  Despite being designed to meet British regulations, I am advised that the wine was “mis en bouteilles au château”.  Even if you accept that French labels make the wine sound more appealing (it has the opposite effect for me), at least an effort to get the language right would be appreciated.  A glance at the website home page reveals that even Musar cannot work out how to spell Château, for example.

The wine smelt citric and tasted like bitter lemon.  Very dry and possibly too dry for seafood, despite the lemon flavour.  Quite ugly and I started wondering if it might at least match cheese.  I got my notepad out and prepared to trash another over-rated, over-priced (£16) wine.

But, being a founder member of WART, I didn’t put the bottle back in the fridge.  Most white wines are better at 10 degrees than 5.  As the wine warmed, I noted that the wine improved dramatically.  Looking at the reverse of the bottle, the crucial sentence was revealed, “Recommendation, serve at cellar temperature (15°C)”, and that was in English!

Blimey.  What a dickhead.  After all my advice not to drink white wine too cold, I ate my own dog food.

At the right temperature (or at least warmer than 10°C), this wine reveals softer more honeyed flavours.  Really delicious, and well worth £16 after all.  Don’t do it the disservice of drinking straight from the fridge.  Do drink it well before the recommended date of 2017, after all, you might die before then.

I was right about it going with cheese though.  Especially soft cheese.

La Fontaine is in as charming a spot as one could find in a Provençal town. But Moules Frites was off… mèrde.

Tartare de boeuf, that other favourite of mine amongst Parisian café standards available all over France, was served plain but with little ramekins of onion, capers, gherkins and egg yolk.  That’s just fine, I much prefer to mix it myself.  That way I can avoid the capers.

The wine was basic but I am discovering that rosé actually goes better with raw beef than red wine, especially in a heatwave.

I could have wiled away several hours sat outside this classy, but inexpensive and well run restaurant, especially if the rosé kept flowing.  But with the car keys in pocket and Cassis next on the list for dinner (Bouillabaisse?  Moules?  Huitres?) I have to summon the energy to walk uptown.  So, a quick café to beat off the drowsiness and a toothpick would have been nice but, well, this is France and, did I mention the heat?  Au moins la voiture est climatisée (je ne conduis pas).

La Fontaine
40, Rue de la Verrerie
Aix-en-Provence
France
T: +33 (0)4 42 27 53 35

As a WART fan member, I was pleased to see the label recommended serving temperature was 10-12 degrees, about twice the temperature of the average UK fridge.

The wine was grapefruity, tangy and yet with the stainless steel flintiness you expect from a good Chablis.  More zingy than a Kiwi Sauvignon Blanc, and with a finish longer than a David Cameron speech (but without the gaffes).

If you can find it in the UK, do let me know.  I’d like some more.  Oh!  It goes perfectly with Camembert.

It looks like a solid and dependable tapas bar.  The decor and atmosphere is very appealing.  The staff are welcoming and even speak a bit of English which is very unusual for Alicante.

The oysters were small – looked and tasted like shrivelled rats’ sweetbreads.  But then, with no R in the month I was taking my life in my own hands.

A bottle of Cava – Raventos 2001 Gran Reserva was barely drinkable.  In fact two glasses and two thirds of a bottle headed for the spittoon faster than a Justin Gatlin comeback.  Fortunately two glasses of Luis Canas Rioja were more intoxicating than a Dwain Chambers urine sample.

Once through the Cava and oyster faux pas, it brightened a bit.  A well composed salad was over-dressed, but a plate of freshly carved jamon with tomatoed bread had my tongue somersaulting for days.  Then the lamb chops arrived.  There is something about Spanish lamb.  Skinnier than Naomi Campbell but twice as tasty, although not as bloody as a South African diamond.  A little marinade, seasoning, some simple sautéed potatoes.  Stellar, but not in the McCartney sense.

So was it legendary?  Not quite.  Was it cheap?  Not for the area.  I would rate it third for quality out of the three places we dined, and definitely worst value, but that may be unfair.  Compared to ANY English restaurant, it would hold its own.  Whatever you may think about Spanish cuisine and chew over how Iberian restaurateurs ever make any money due to under-billing, I would strongly recommend that you call in for a tapa or two if you are in Alicante.

La Taberna del Gourmet
Calle de San Fernando, 10
03002 Alicante/Alacant, España
T: +34 965 204 233
W: www.latabernadelgourmet.com

It is a Bordeaux style blend and, having just returned from the home of wine, I wanted to say that this is a gorgeous slurp and much better than any classic Bordeaux I tasted at a similar price, albeit a bit higher in alcohol than I would prefer (14.5%).

If you can still find the 2006 I highly recommend it.  It is drinking well now.  I paid £12.49.  Majestic have the 07 at £12.99.  I think that may be due to Gordon’s wee tax policy.  Any chance the new coalition will reduce wine tax?  Don’t take the piss…

Equally, offers for Viagra, “Rolex” watches, non-study MBAs and Nigerian dollar inheritances are starting to wear a bit thin.

Domæne Gobelsburg, 2008 is made from the “latest grape”, Grüner Veltliner.  Trouble is, I have been hearing this for yonks.  Who cares?

What I DO care about is whether a wine tastes better than a blue pill (albeit that it has a polar opposite effect).  That one can be an ordinary ill-educated bloke and still enjoy it.  That one can buy it without the support of a Nigerian inheritance.

And this one passes all those tests.  Light and fruity.  Peaches and vanilla ice cream with a good shake of that classic Gruvee* cliché, white pepper, this tastes lovely with soft cheese.

Currently available from Waitrose at £8.54 and at this price, better value than a can of genuine spam.

*Jennifer Lopez became J.Lo, Susan Boyle was renamed Subo, Gruvee is the what the trendy winists call Grüner Veltliner….for some reason…

No comments about chopped pork and ham roll please – give me a break on this one?!

Where better to try a Bordeaux Grand Cru than in its home town?  Problem is pecuniary.  Although restaurants around Bordeaux ask reasonable mark-ups, this still involves voluntary surgery.  To keep my arms and legs intact, my cunning plan was to buy the wine from a local shop and take it to the restaurant which, for convenience, was Le Savoie, bang in the centre of Margaux.

As it happens the plan was only partly successful because, including €12 corkage, despite the drinking pleasure, my bank manager still had to find €111 (a “Nelson” in cricketing terms) to replenish my bank account.

Peppery, spicy, earthy and full of fruit, yet very feminine and flowery. But that’s enough about the waitress, let’s talk about the wine.  Actually, let’s not. It would be rude.  Enough to say that words like ethereal, magic, and wheelbarrow are simply not appropriate.  One thing that is true of fine wines is that they evolve over time in the glass, and this went through a lifecycle more akin to a swan or butterfly, although in youth it already started from a position of covetous pulchritude.  Moving from Eartha Kitt to Juicy Lucy is some feat and it opened up its fruity legs to show its floral class, lavender undertones and minty tannins.  At 12.5% ABV it turned into a light sabre, but with The Jedi in control. The force was with me – good job I wasn’t allowed to drive home.

The meal was forgettable, with a flopped mushroom mousse accompanying my snails, and massively overcooked, out of season veg that was so tired I assume it had been watching an omnibus edition of Eastenders. Everything tried just a little too hard, from the amuse-bouche to the weird shaped crockery.

By all means call in for a lunch on your way through Médoc but for a posh evening meal pretending to the Michelin étoile you will find much better places in Pauillac or Bordeaux.  In fairness the service was Michelin class, it was only the food that disappointed.  You may have more luck, especially if you are French, judging by the magic mushroom mousse that has just arrived at the next table to M. et Mme. Mangetout.

The bill was another thing that tried too hard although, in fairness, it succeeded in being the most expensive of the holiday, at €90 for two (excluding wine of course).

Le Savoie
1, place Trémoille
33460 Margaux
Bordeaux
France
T: +33 (0)5 57 88 31 76
W:  www.lesavioe.net