La Grande Année 1999 is deeper richer and smoother than NV Champagne in both appearance and taste.  It looks like a sample from a dehydrated bat (possibly one that has been shaken, not stirred) but fortunately the flavour is delicious lemon and butterscotch.  Pretty nice but worth 10 times the price of a Freixenet Cava?

Having recently bought into my two fundamental theories of life:
a) that wine should be drunk at the right temperature; and
b) that your best wine should be drunk and not left in your will,
he suggested I give this a quick blast in the fridge and get on with firing up the coals.

The wine was produced by Bob and Jackie Hayes, personal friends of the Eastons and Tim had brought this back from California in his suitcase a few years ago.  There was no reason to know whether it was past its best.  Cabernet Sauvignon tends towards longevity, but 15 years, many of which in the custody of a simple Scouser and who knows….?

As it happens, the cork was in tip top condition and the contents were superb.  Definitely the best American wine I have ever tasted.  Violets, plums, raspberries and a good dose of smoke it went superbly well with the lamb steaks and kidneys you can see on the barbie in the background!

Easto may be a bit of a buffoon at times but he is secretly a much better judge of wine than he tries to make out.  After firing up the karaoke machine it transpires that the same cannot be said for his vocal chords.  Our duet sounded like a castrated dog playing with a whoopee cushion.  I must apologise to the neighbours.

But for 3 key suspensions, England might well have put up a fight, but what do I know?  I don’t have Sky Sports in the flat so I have had to suffer Wimbledon instead where sulky Scot/plucky Brit (depending if he loses/if he wins), Andy Murray, was on terrestrial TV playing in the latest night ever finish at Wimbledon (no football connection there - not any more anyway) against Stanislas Wawrinka, the more than plucky Swiss.

Bellingham “The Bernard Series” Old Vine Chenin Blanc 2007 is pretty plucky.  I thought Chenin Blanc tipped a wink to Blandshire, on average.  But this far from average example has more spunk than Murray, more intensity than Pearce and more grunt than Michelle Larcher de Brito.

Imagine peaches and cream but with some grapefruit slices added.  Not quite right but still quite nice.  A bit like a pig on a tennis court.

In a good night for Britain, Murray won in the 5th set.  Just about offset England’s hammering by the old foe/In a bad night for Scotland, Murray lost in the 5th set.  I think England did as well as can be expected against a well drilled, fit and fully available Teutonic plague.

For the record, Murray won - HOORAH!  I am not the world’s biggest tennis fan but what a tip top thoroughly enjoyable match.  I might follow the rest of Wimbledon now.

As for Chenin Blanc - next time you visit Majestic, expect the unexpected, the bizarre, the bold, the brave, the ever so slightly bonkers.

Les Arbousiers, Coteaux du Languedoc 2008 arrived from Virgin Wines in exchange for 699 of the 2,899 pennies kindly refunded to me after returning a dodgy bottle to Costco.

It is the colour of smoked salmon.  The taste is fresh, clean and fruity with a decent kick of spice.  Yum.

Imagine yourself eating bouillabaisse on the port in Marseilles, or grilled langoustine on the seafront in Nice….with a large glass of rosé of course.

Last night I had the pleasure of attending my first Wine Society event, an informal tasting within the impressive architecture of the Freemason’s Hall on Bridge Street.  Such things clearly need a theme and this one was “Italy from top to toe”.  Given the country in question one might equally have dreamt up “heel to sole” or “thirst to last”.  But that’s enough cobblers.

The event had a £25 entry fee which could get me into Man City v Wolves on a wet Wednesday night.  Even so, possibly a bit rich given that the objective is to get me to spend my hard earned on even more wine.  My expenses budget is not of parliamentary proportions so the offer of a 10% discount for orders on the night was welcome and naturally, I took advantage.

The event was well organised chaos with a great range of Italian wine producers, importers and hangers on, and wines ranging from cheap and cheerful to the huge, hairy and half a hundred quid a bottle.

I think I tasted 25 wines in total and made a number of Italian friends but I did get quite pissed (I hate to spit).  For the record my favourites were:

Gavi La Battistina, 2008 - I normally find Gavi über-bland so was pleasantly surprised to find this fruity, zingy and refreshing and only £7.95 per bottle.

Graticciaia, 2001 - not cheap but an unbelievable and most unusual flavour.  Lots of super fresh plums (maybe slightly under-ripe) and a good stink of violets.  The grapes are apparently sun-dried before pressing and I wondered if I could taste tomatoes of that genre.  In any case a good match for rich casseroles, game, lamb and headaches.  Worth £32?  Yes, I think so.

Prosecco di Valdobbiadene - I love a Bellini but this Prosecco can live without the peach purée.  Better than Freixenet Cava for about the same price, £8.95.

2005 Calcaia Dolce Orvieto Classico Superiore - the star of the show for me although not yet available from the WS.  I understand it will be retailed at about £15 (50cl bottle) at some point in July.  Rich honey and peaches but much lighter than most sweet wines.  Perfect match for cheese I reckon.

I browsed through a surprisingly interesting wine list and spent £19 on a bottle of Muscat-Viognier Vin de Pays des Côtes de Catalanes 2008.  By Domaine Cazes and with the grand sounding title of ‘Le Canon du Maréchal’ it reminded me a little of Torrontés but was unmistakeably Muscat with a touch of heather honey and citrus.  A hint of the sweet undertones that go so well with Cantonese food.  And it was served at a sensible temperature unlike many restaurants who seem convinced that getting freezer burn on my lips is the primary reason for imbibing white wine.

Chilli garlic snow mountain mushroom was recommended (not surprisingly as the most expensive special starter at £7).  It is supposed to have regenerative properties and I was a but surprised to receive a ‘high protein’ dish covered in high carbohydrate batter.  But the taste, heightened by the fresh chilli was sublime, batter crisp and fresh, and mushrooms sweet and tender as a Labour MP’s bank balance.  As good a Cantonese dish as I have tasted.

Pan fried loin of pork was the cheapest special main at £9.50. Served in ginger and spring onion and with egg fried rice. It arrived at the exact instant I finished my starter which was a number of instants too soon, but was as juicy as an expenses scandal and spicy as a plot against Gordon Brown. And come to think of it the portion size would suit a starving ex MP down to his last duck house.

This place serves seriously good food, freshly cooked?  And lots of it. YUM! And even though I’ve got thumbs like ripe bananas, I love it that you only get a Hobson’s choice of chop sticks as eating irons.

At £42.90 inc service and wine it’s top value too.  Don’t believe the rumours. If Chinatown is dying then there is at least one place kicking and screaming, refusing to sink. Give it a try next time you are in town for a show. And tell them I sent you for a 1.5% discount…(please leave at least this as a tip in return).

Fung Shing, 15 Lisle Street, London. WC2 7BE.
T:  +44 (0)20 7437 1539
W:  www.fungshing.co.uk
Parties catered for.

OS 2.0 had holes the size of moon craters.  If you own another brand I bet you can cut and paste.  I bet you can send multimedia messages.  I bet you can capture voice recording.  I bet you can remotely wipe your phone if it is stolen.  (OK this last one is fairly unique).  These yawning gaps have been filled in 3.0 and without having to download any more apps.  Need meteorite strike insurance?  There’s an app for that….

That having been said, the single greatest strength of the iPhone is that is has learnt, ironically from Microsoft, that to create a successful platform you have to create a community and allow them to expand your platform by building applications.  This happens much faster than you could ever build applications yourself so the usage of your platform spreads like wildfire.

Witness Steve Jobs who, a billion application downloads later, must be wondering if he will catch up Bill Gates in the software wealth stakes before the decade is out.

In honour, I was hoping to bring you a wine that tastes of apple, but this one is pure lemon.

From Virgin Wines at a not inconsiderable £14.15, I ordered this as part of my virtual world tour of Rieslings.

It smells of fresh lemonade and tastes of lemon meringue pie.  Very subtle and delicate, much like erm……a lemon meringue pie.  As Rieslings go, I generally have had great experience of Australia and particularly Clare Valley.  I’ve not had much experience of Tin Sheds though.

Highly recommended although I think a tad over-priced.

If there were a Darwin Awards for marketing, or a Gordon Brown award for bad timing, you would be hard pushed to find an entry that could stand proudly within 10 feet of Wine Wipes.

In the middle of the greatest depression since Van Gogh cut his ear off, a Californian outfit by the name of Borracha, has launched a brand aimed at the highest of times.  A product in the same category as gold plated taps, personal dog walkers, and meteorite strike insurance is a brave shout right now.

But it does inspire more than curiosity, so I felt obliged to give them a test drive.  At Jeffo’s barbecue, I drank red wine until I was so pissed that I couldn’t see myself in the mirror (handily provided inside the cap).  I am sure there should have been more of a red stain on my teeth and lips but they just looked grey as usual.

I pressed on with my trial and wiped a “wipe” around my teeth, gums and lips.  Whoa, the taste of Sodium Chloride and Hydrogen Peroxide (salt and bleach to me and you)!  At first this was unpleasant but I quickly realised that after a brief rinse of water my mouth was completely refreshed and ready to take on a new wine direction.  Never mind cream crackers which are stale and fattening, these wipes should be briefly chewed and then deposited in the spittoon each time you want to switch between wine styles.

Stain removal?  Who gives a hoot - these things are simply perfect for palate cleansing.

Available from www.winewipes.com for US$18 for 3 x 20 packs and they ship to the UK.  Let me know how you get on…

The Hotel Russell probably counts early risers 99% of its clientele.  It’s easier to get a table at The Ivy than a breakfast table here.  Dinner, however, was predictably quiet.  A few lonely foreign travellers and one table of two couples from Yorkshire who were asking for more gravy - gravy shortages are punishable by death north of Watford Gap.

My goat’s cheese starter could have done with some gravy to liven it up rather than the bland balsamic dressing coating the wilting rocket leaves.

I chose a bottle of Chilean Merlot from a bland and slightly overpriced wine list. It was served straight from the wine oven but fortunately an ice bucket was no problem. I didn’t even get a strange look. Veramonte 2007 Reserva Merlot from the Casablanca Valley tasted like a golf ball made of rubber bands wrapped round a glacé cherry with possibly a little fig added.  Quite pleasant but worth £21.95?  I found the 2007 at Drinks Direct for £7.29 which makes the mark-up 200% - in fairness, probably about normal for London.  It was listed on the wine list as a 2004, though, which probably indicates how long it has been since the list was refreshed!

I was asked three times if I was ok to eat ‘pink’ lambs liver but still they didn’t believe me. I am guessing the northern guys had the same dish and I almost asked for more brown stuff myself to wash away the detritus stuck to the roof of my mouth.

Risking cheese again for dessert, I ordered the assiete which turned out to be a very impressive plank of oak supporting mostly interesting cheeses with biscuits straight from a 1970s Jacob’s family selection.  This was the star course with super fresh crisp celery, grapes and a lovely ’smashed’ apple chutney.

In summary - bland atmosphere, bland wine list and bland hotel food although very friendly staff.  However, despite my whinging I pretty much ate it all.

The Russell, designed by Charles Fitzroy Doll in the late 1900s, is a grand old dame of a hotel that has only recently received the courtesy of a little refurbishment.  But old and new don’t always work.  Air conditioning plant sits uncomfortably amongst marble pillars.  Parking is only available for one horse and cart.  Single rooms are not even available at most modern hotels.  But modern hotels don’t have the same charm, the same sense of history.  I can just imagine Queen Victoria sitting in this very seat……demanding more gravy for her lamb’s liver.

Fitzroy Dolls, Hotel Russell, 1-8 Russell Square, London.
WC1B 5BE
T:  +44 (0)20 7837  6470
W:  www.londonrussellhotel.co.uk