alexis yael:

playfulness: NATIONAL PARKS, LET'S GO!

2026-10-15T16:04:38.219-04:00

If you know me, you know I have crappy lungs. What I thought was "just asthma" turned out to be much more complex.

The upside of my crappy lungs is that they did qualify me for a free American the Beautiful Access Pass. Yay, I guess?

We have used the AtBAP a lot since I got it. Just this summer, we went to FDR's house, Denali, Joshua Tree and Yosemite.

I can't really go for the long hikes right now (I'm at the hopefully tail end of a Pseudomonas flare) but just being out in nature is healing for me.

(Sometimes with an N95 mask because of allergies.)

There was just something amazing and special about Joshua Tree.

It's almost indescribable. I absolutely love the desert and Joshua tree takes all the things I love about the desert and turns it up a notch.

(Though it doesn't top Red Rock, that was a hike I'll never forget. I'm not sure I'd be able to do that level of scrabbling any more, though.)

But it does come close.

And I'm sure there were some other amazing canyons that I could have seen if it hadn't been almost 100 degrees Fahrenheit. And if my lungs were in better shape.

Sigh.

(There's hope for my lungs, but that's another blog post coming soon.)

I l o v e Yosemite so much. So very much. This summer was my (I think) third trip there (possibly fourth as I'm not sure how many times we went when I was younger). And I fall more in love with it every time.

And I was able to hike a very short hike to see this amazing view of Half Dome.

I go slower than everyone else. And that's OK. I hike my own hike, always.

(Side note, that's probably one of the best reminders to self I have ever written. Even when I don't need to read it, reading it reminds me of so many valuable, hard earned lessons that I have learned.)

This glorious, beautiful world is here for all of us to enjoy.

Some days we have the strength to hike deep into the park. Some days, we need to appreciate the view from the passenger side of the car. Both (and all the iterations in-between) are valid.

You technically can only see Denali from afar right now, unless you are a serious hiker who gets one of the thru hike permits. Or you go on (a very expensive) flight-tour.

It's still pretty damn impressive.

Also the National Park entrance has a nice gift shop (I got some stickers and a reusable bag) and I didn't get too far into my hike from the entrance, but I did see some bear scat! It was fairly old, but that was as close to a bear as I got while we were in Alaska and I felt pretty good about it.

(Other than at the zoo in Anchorage. We did go to the zoo. It's small but nice.)

Bonus photo of Bear Glacier, which is in the Kenai Fjords National Park. You can't drive to this park, so my AtBAP wasn't so useful here, but we did go on a Whale Watching tour out of Seward and got some pretty views.

All in all, getting the America the Beautiful Access Pass has been an amazing opportunity that I am very grateful for.

Nature is for everyone!

word of the year 2026: playfulness

2026-10-13T16:44:04.640-04:00

I've been picking a word of the year since I learnt of this practice, in 2010 (2010's word was picked retroactively). That's 15 years with a word of intention!

2010: roller-coaster

2011: exploration

2012: believe

2013: expanding

2014: embracing

2015: unfolding

2016: nurturing/ nourishing

2017: hope

2018: trust

2019: connectioning

2020: liberation(ing)

2021: wayfinding

2022: joysparking

2023: hineni (here I am)

2024: flow(er)ing

2025: havening

And that brings me to this year, which as you might have guessed from my last post is: playfulness!

*********

Yes, this is yet another "took me way too long to post" post, because I've been out and about (playfulness in action!), and blogging has been a distant tickle at the back of my mind.

The doldrums didn't get me. I survived winter. I did get the flu and it was bad but I didn't have to go to the ER, which was a win!

Our trivia team is thriving! We've won four times now, and got second place twice in a row. Hoping for the second place, come from behind three-peat next week! lol

I've actually used my big camera more this year (I even took it on vacation this summer!).

I had a lot of fun with my toy camera this spring! (But then put it in a tiny travel bag and forgot to bring it on our summer adventures, d'oh.) I'm looking forward to playing around with it more.

My hair is growing and growing and is now past my shoulders.

I'm doing good, lung-wise, though there is a LOT to update on that front.

We've had two major trips this year (going to Scandinavia with R for his spring break, then doing an EPIC Alaska-CA national parks-and-more tour this summer). Probably next year will be less travel, but... you never really know. We do have two family event trips on the schedule in 2027 that I'm looking forward to.

2028 is looking like it might shape up to another epic adventure year, and though I'm not sure exactly how it will look yet, I am excited about it.

And lastly, I've been having a lot of fun getting back into tie-dye!

havening: playfulness

2025-11-26T14:59:00.001-05:00

I bought a Chuzhao (pseudo twin-lens-reflex) toy camera for my birthday.

Well, kinda for my birthday (which is next week) and kinda just because. It looked fun and the only real negative reviews came from people who bought it at a considerable markup (or just didn't see the point of a low-fi toy camera).

Side note, it's wild when the online pricing of a toy camera can be anywhere from $30 to $120! Needless to say, I went with the low (Amazon) pricing.

Since the death of Instagram* (fuck the video-centric feed, I HATE HATE HATE it!) I haven't been using my mirrorless camera much, nor my phone camera (except on hikes and my continued personal daily photo project) and I want to play** with photos again.

I figured a cheap, fun, easily portable (and totally unobtrusive - seriously, no one even seemed to notice when I was using it at breakfast this morning) toy camera would be a good jump start.

In the doldrums, use your oars. (My oars are creativity.)

The Chuzhao is low-fi and has a built in monochromatic setting that's more sepia than black and white, and I wish I could figure out how to turn the shutter sound off, and damn, I love it already.

It's just fun.

(The first photo in this series was taken in color and then I edited it to be black and white, because I feel like these photos work better monochromatic. I just forgot to switch the filter when I turned the camera on and I was taking photos from the passenger side without looking at the screen.)

There's no wifi so I had to insert the miniSD card into my Chromebook and figure out how to download/upload to Google photos. But that was easy enough.

There's no zoom, or manual focus. There's auto-focus or zone-focus (the difference is auto-focus take a second to figure out the subject and focuses on that - which means I can somewhat move the focus out of the very middle of the frame and go a little macro).

The ratio is square (which I love).

Videos are not square and I'm not sure I care for them, but we'll see. I've only had this thing for a day.

I wish there was a way to play with double/ multiple exposure*** in camera, but we can't have everything.

(While I was writing, I decided to play around with creating double exposures with my iPad, and FUN!)

Fun!

A new toy camera as a fun way to get back into photos.

Playfulness.

Creativity.

Fun.

Yes, please, thank you.

So cute!

____________

* I'm still trying to find a social media app (especially a photo-centric one) that has the community aspect of old school LiveJournal/ Instagram (or even early FB). The internet has been inundated by too many bots (and ads and ads and ads and so many fucking short video clips, no thank you).

I haven't found what I'm looking for yet. Perhaps it won't exist again. But I continue searching.

In the meantime, I've been cultivating real-world community.

(We've got a regular pub trivia team! And we finally won after almost a year of playing!)

I've been trying to keep up with texting/ messaging/ calling my far flung friends - I miss you guys and I'm not great at keeping up regularly, but I do my best. I love you.

And tiny!

** You might already have a sense of what my next word of the year is going to be, but I'll wait until sometime after my birthday/ the New Year to formally announce it.

*** I did see some posts about adding cell phone lenses, so maybe I could jerryrig some kind of lensbaby trio substitute. But that's an adventure for another day.

summer (havening)

2025-08-13T15:29:00.013-04:00

Ghost crab from Assateague, Maryland where M and I celebrated his birthday.

It's been an amazing summer.

We've celebrated R's high school graduation with our family and friends. We had a couple's trip to the beach (while R was on his senior trip) and then we all went to the mountains. We've gone to Orlando and done the three Universal Parks (including the new Epic Universe which was awesome enough I may need to write more about it). We've played poker and taki and video games. We've had countless movie nights. (R and M have been watching a lot of old movies together, sometimes with me, sometimes just the two of them.) We spent the summer soaking in the day to day joy of family life together.

Havening.

And in less than a month, the next phase of all our lives begins.

R steps into his adulthood, going away to University (all the way to the UK).

And M and I will begin the third act of adulthood-with-children. The "empty nest." Living without the day to day of the school routine/ dealing with three drivers sharing two cars.

This is the trajectory of childrearing.

Each stage gets progressively more and more hands-off. We go from (constant) caretaking in infanthood to shepherding, to teaching as much as we can while we can, to advising when asked. It's not linear, exactly, but it is (if we are lucky) progressive.

And we are so very lucky.

So very, very lucky.

(How proud I am to be his mom. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.)

____

I finished editing this in November and backdated it to August when it was first began.

haven: poeming in my wild hair era

2025-06-02T13:10:00.004-04:00

in my wild hair era

I'm here in the becoming,

regrowing, rewilding,

settling back into

the haven of my body,

this one precious life

(oh, thank you Mary Oliver),

the beauty of late middle age

and oh it feels good

*************

Today's poem was most definitely inspired by this self portrait, which I took this morning and then made into a multiple exposure.

I'm growing out my undercut. Since about February or March, my hot flashes have gone considerably down and I've started being cold more often than not. Growing out my hair just makes sense, since I was keeping it short in order for it to feel less sweaty.

But our spring has been very long, and the weather hasn't switched into hot mode yet. There's a possibility that when it does, I'll get fed up with the sweat and shave down the undercut yet again.

That's part of the beauty of hair - it can so easily change to go with the flow of how I'm feeling.

(At least shorter-wise. It takes more time for it to grow, obviously, but it does grow pretty fast, I find.)

Anyway, my undercut right now is at the stage where it stands up on its own if I wet it and brush it up. It's wild looking and I LOVE it. I love it so much, I'm considering chopping the top to the same length and then keeping it (more or less) this same length for awhile.

I'm waiting til summer hits.

(Soon? Hopefully.)

*************

Weight is just a number. And yet...

And yet there definitely was a tipping point where I suddenly flipped from "hot all the time" to "cold all the time."

And my cholesterol is normal for the first time since I've been getting it checked as an adult.

And my A1C is normal and not prediabetic.

I still believe in embracing the body I'm in, at any size. I still believe that health isn't dependent on body size (and one can be healthy at any size) but also, my chronic health issues are doing better now.

I attribute a lot to the anti-inflammatory effects of Wegovy, but I also know that losing weight has helped, too. And that's pretty awesome!

*************

A not-so-awesome side effect of losing weight is my beloved clothes no longer fitting. This happens faster in leggings than anything else, but I've now gone through my entire wardrobe and I decluttered a shocking amount of dresses, too.

(And there's a few more pieces that fit "for now" and might not fit if I lose 5-10 more pounds, which is around where I think my goal weight is, at the higher edge of "normal" bmi.)

I've bought new bras. I've got some new clothes, but there's a lot of room in my closet for new fun pieces to replace the clothes I've donated.

Which is the upside of losing clothes I love; finding new clothes I love. It just takes a minute.

*************

The only constant is change.

A hella long time ago, I wrote a speech (for my Speech 101 class, in Community College) on that idea, and I still very much believe it is True.

Everything changes, constantly.

Everything that is born, dies. New growth leads to decay and decay leads to new growth. An unending circle. Ebb and Flow.

*************

Right now, I am happy.

Right now, I am healthy.

Right now, I am at peace.

Right now, may you be happy.

Right now, may you be healthy.

Right now, may you be at peace.

Right now, may all beings be happy.

Right now, may all beings be healthy.

Right now, may all beings be at peace.

Poeming on the long spring (before R leaves for University)

2025-05-19T17:11:00.000-04:00

Double cherry blossoms are still my favorite.

this long spring,

a cacophony of colors,

pollen, rain, wind

a steady reawakening,

warmth replacing cold

leaves replacing buds

and our nestlings

spreading their wings;

flying into new skies

:::::::

Soon R will be graduating high school. Soon we will be taking him to University. Soon he will be living on his own for the first time and creating his adult life.

Oh, this is a blessing!

And it is also creating some anxiety, different for each of us, but similar and familiar to generations of parents and children (each step a new process to learn, a new potential set of issues and stepping back and letting life unfold as it is).

Growth happens in spurts, and in steady ways, both.

We continue all our lives, growing and learning and flying into new skies.

And still, this particular moment (and the privilege we have in getting to be in this particular moment) graduating and going off to a far away University, is unique.

And we are in it, right now, as it is unfolding.

Deadlines for deposits and Visas and all the bureaucratic minutiae that makes up moving to a new country.

And oh, this is a blessing, to be where we are, able to help R go to where he wants to be.

(May it be the just-right place. May it be his just-right path.)

Next fall will be a vastly different life for me and M, with R not at home.

A new phase.

There will be a difficult transition, I'm sure, but can't predict at all, because I'm not in that phase yet, I'm still in the beginning, getting ready for the transition.

The world will still be as it is.

Winter will come, and then spring. I will write and poem and create new photos and maybe decide on a new house project. And I'll travel.

(One huge difference between this year and next: I'll have my own car back full time again! This year, we have been sharing two cars amongst the three of us, and I mainly use my car when I have appointments to keep.)

I think it will help that I have spent almost all my years of parenting with this goal in mind; to help my son blossom into his own unique amazing self. Each step of parenting, for me, was a lesson in letting go.

Having had a mother who absolutely did not look at parenthood this way made me even more determined to be the mother R needed. To see him as his own person, the way my mother could not see me.

And this doesn't end. Adults still have parents. The parenting changes, their needs change, but love doesn't change. Respect doesn't change.

And oh, this is a blessing.

NaPoWriMo 2025

2025-05-15T18:27:00.000-04:00

A photo that has nothing to do with anything, from spring.

This year, I poemed mostly in Notes.

This year, I think I forgot one day, but I made it up by poeming on May 1.

This year, I'm not sure if I'll put my poems here or not (still thinking about it).

This year, the poems were for poeming sake.

This year, the poems were enough.

(Every year, every day, may the poems be enough.)

haven: poeming

2025-02-17T14:03:00.000-05:00

breathe

somewhere constrict your

breath

maintaining your

focus

airways

calm

release the

idea of yourself for

comfort exhale feel

:::::::

Amidst all the health hullabaloo last year, I let poeming fall to the wayside.

Amidst all the anxiety of the last few years, I let poeming be a casualty of my reduction in social media.

Amidst all the changes in my life, making my self into a haven of calm, I didn't need poeming as much, or maybe that was just how it felt.

And then I find myself poeming it out.

And then I needed to poem it out.

And then I remembered how good it feels to get the words out, poeming.

:::::::

poeming saved me, when I most needed saving. (those so hard years, the terrible spirals, the bleak sucking devastation.) poeming has always been there, waiting, until the words pile up and get so incessant to be heard that they rise up, overflowing, a cacophony of sound and feeling and love and angst and bravery and tightness and everything everywhere (all at once).

poeming saved me. poems saved me. other people's poems saved me and my poems saved me. thank you.

and here I am, past those spirals, so far gone that I can hardly remember what it felt like to be caught in the rip tide of doubt and self hate and feeling unwanted and unnecessary and like I had to prove my worth before I could even begin to be enough.

and here I am, poeming anyway, because even out of the spiral, the words feel right, feel necessary, feel loved and loving. even now, the words belong because I belong and the words are home as I am home.

:::::::

I think one of the reasons I've never even thought of using the word poem, or poeming as a word of the year is that I cannot imagine life without poems/ poeming. It's not a focus, it's a tool. It's not a one year thing, it's my entire life. Yes, there are years I write more and years I write less, but poeming is always part of me.

Last year was the first year in over a decade I did not do a poem a day project in either April or November and I am making a commitment to myself to return to that daily practice this year.

My reluctance to return to Instagram or Facebook means using a different methodology. Like blogging, or substack, or bluesky. Or going back to the beginning and writing on (e)paper.

(I love my Kindle Scribe for daily journaling.)

Not letting the methodology get in the way of the doing. Not letting the words go unwritten. Trusting that they are there, and will always be there, when I am ready.

:::::::

It's February and I haven't forgotten how hard February used to be.

I still don't love winter the most, but I have made peace with it.

I am safe and warm and loved and loving. My house, my body, my spirit, my family, my joy are all havens of safety and calm and peace. I'm home.

I'm home.

(Hineini.)

word of the year 2025: haven

2025-01-17T14:54:00.002-05:00

A double exposure from my 50th birthday WDW adventure!

Each year, since the end of 2010, I have picked a word of the year.

2010: roller-coaster

2011: exploration

2012: believe

2013: expanding

2014: embracing

2015: unfolding

2016: nurturing/ nourishing

2017: hope

2018: trust

2019: connectioning

2020: liberation(ing)

2021: wayfinding

2022: joysparking

2023: hineni (here I am)

2024: flow(er)ing

This practice gives me a focus word and sometimes involves a bit of prognostication. What do I think I might need more of in the next year?

That was especially true in 2017 (when what I needed most was hope) and I think it's just as true this year.

:::::::

The beginning of last year was rough for me, health wise.

The end of last year was rough for me and my community, because of the election results.

And yet, there is always hope. There is always a light, shining through the darkness.

In August/ September, I beat the persistent bacterial (Pseudomonas) pneumonia. (Thank you, nebulized Tobramycin.)

I'm almost done tapering off the Prednisone. I'm doing great on Wegovy (and I'm now down to my pre-Prednisone Hunger weight! I ended up gaining fifteen pounds - Prednisone is crazy, y'all).

I'm about to switch to a (third time's the charm) new biologic, Xolair.

(The itraconazole brought my igE levels down significantly. The Xolair should do the same thing, with no need for biweekly blood draws. woohoo!)

And I firmly believe, there will be resistance to the new regime. We will not all capitulate to fascism. Humanity prevails, in our most difficult times. Kindness prevails. We survive by connecting, by empathizing, by imagining a world in which we can all be free. We survive by providing havens for each other.

We have survived holocausts. We have survived plagues. We have survived wars and famines and terror. We will survive and we will continue surviving.

:::::::

On a personal level, this coming year, R will be graduating high school and leaving for University. This is an amazing adventure he's going on and I am very, very excited for him! At the same time, I'm going to miss him tremendously and I'm sure there will be a big adjustment period. I know I will be sad he's not in the house every day.

I am committed to feeling those feelings as they arise. And just as committed to not dumping those feelings onto R and making him feel responsible for them. That's manipulative and gross.

They call it empty nest syndrome. But the nest isn't empty: I'll still be here, and so will M. Yes, R is flying off to make a new nest for himself, but that only adds to the nests in our family. We are here and we will continue to provide as much support, encouragement and love to R as he needs/ wants, throughout his life, no matter where he lives.

We are connected through our love, through our mutual respect and caring. We don't need to live in the same place, or even on the same continent, in order to remain connected!

(Though surprisingly, his current #1 has changed and is no longer in Europe. We'll see what happens! It absolutely is exciting and I am here for this! No matter where he goes, my biggest hope is that he finds his just-right-for-him place, his just-right-for-him path and his just-right-for-him people.)

:::::::

So, let me begin this year by reframing this stage of my life. Let me begin by offering a poem-prayer for me and you and all of us. Let me begin by being where I am, right now (hineni), flow(er)ing in my steadfast belief in simple human kindness.

Instead of an empty nest, let my home, let my marriage, let me myself, be a haven.

A haven from life's storms.

A haven from the awful political times that are coming.

A haven from the effects of climate change.

A haven from disease and pain.

A haven of peace and refuge.

A haven of renewal and healing.

A haven of inspiration and hope.

A haven of love and connection.

::::::::

May I find the haven I need when one is needed.

May I provide a haven to others who are in need.

May there be a haven for all who are in need.

(And may I be a safe and supportive friend and parent, who understands boundaries and respects them.)

autumn update

2024-10-24T13:03:00.001-04:00

* As I mentioned in my last post, as a result of the three months I've now been on Prednisone, I seem to have shifted my sleep/wake cycle into a totally different pattern and it is weird. I'm now a morning person, what!?!?!?!?!?!! On the plus side, I'm no longer having trouble falling asleep, as I'm exhausted much earlier than usual.

* Speaking of Prednisone, the side effects started suddenly coming out of the woodwork last month. I got The Hunger and started gaining weight. This was pretty disheartening, because in the last year I had slowly, intentionally lost 25 lbs, which felt pretty nice. In the last month, I've gained 10 lbs back, just because the prednisone was giving me insatiable hunger pains and massive "food noise" (thinking about food constantly, when that's not my normal way of being).

* My cholesterol and A1C were also higher (they had previously been trending down, which was the point of losing weight) and so I took a leap of faith and asked my primary care physician to get me a script for Wegovy. It took a few weeks and a lot of effort to get my insurance to acknowledge the prior authorization request - my doctor's office sent it three times and talked to a rep on the phone at least once but probably more - I had to call multiple times and eventually my polite-but-firm "Can I speak to a manager about this because I know it's not your fault, but this is very frustrating" got results. Yay!

* I started the Wegovy this week and it's early days but the Prednisone Hunger disappeared day one!

* I'm pretty sure the anti-inflammatory properties are working already, too. My rings fit again. I'm cautiously optimistic that my ABPA/ asthma seems to be improving even more with the Wegovy.

* Speaking of, last month I did start the Itraconazole (antifungal that I was so worried about taking) and that and the Prednisone do seem to be tamping the ABPA flare down. My IgA was just sooooo high, it was the right choice. I'm waiting for the results of this week's blood work to see where my IgA is now that I've been on the Itraconazole for a month and then I see my pulmonologist next week. Then my consult with the specialist at NYU-Langley is next month.

* In really very good news, the first round of inhaled Tobramycin seems to have actually done its job and eradicated the pseudomonas in my lungs! Now, this could be a temporary reduction (pseudomonas is notoriously hard to eradicate and likes to "hide") but as of right now, I'm not back on the inhaled antibiotics and I'm fine (and these last few days my breathing is back to not-sick normal and I have much more energy!) and that's a really great thing.

* Autumn is in full autumnal splendor right now, all green, yellow golds, oranges and reds against a bright blue sky. I love it even if I am highly allergic to the mold (especially aspergillus) in the decaying leaf piles. Thank goodness for KN95 masks. I went photo walking to the NJ Botanical Gardens this past weekend and had no reaction at all, wearing a mask.

* R and M did another set of University visits together, in the Boston area and we've got one more set coming up soon (in the Pacific NW) that will be AFAIK, the last. Then it's applications and waiting. (Well, he's already started and is probably mostly finished with filling out the American university applications via Common App, but the actual final decision of which ones he's applying to, I mean.)

* This will be my first air travel since the two trips to Europe last winter/ early spring which precipitated the pneumonia crisis I had the first half (plus a month) of this year. With the pseudomonas knocked out, that's hopefully not something to worry about. Thank you Tobramycin!

seeing the northern lights at home

2024-10-24T10:56:00.000-04:00

This has been a great year for seeing the aurora borealis! Last January, I got to see them for the first time on a plane, flying to Iceland, and two weeks ago, I got to see them at home!

The ones here in NJ were much more subtle (and barely looked like anything more than a pink glow to the naked eye, but luckily, my phone has a great night setting) but the pink color was really cool and it was fun seeing the sky go from dark to glowing then back to dark.

If I'd planned ahead, I could have gone to a vista and had a better, less light impacted view, but I wasn't sure if we'd have cloud cover (like we usually do when the forecast is good for auroras) and I've become a morning person because of the long-term prednisone so I'm getting sleepy earlier anyway.

(More on that later, in a longer update.)

And it worked out to see the subtle aurora. So beautiful in its own way!

flow(er)ing self portrait, a poeming prayer, and a mini update of sorts

2024-09-19T12:58:00.000-04:00

breathing in, I am connected and centered

breathing out, I am healing and whole

breathing in, I am receiving goodness and grace

breathing out, I am transmitting love and kindness

breathing in, I am

breathing out, I am

breathing in

breathing out

breathing

___________

It's been a very light year for poeming. Today felt like a good day to start rectifying that situation.

In large part, I have moved completely away from Instagram/ FB. (I still check occasionally, and I've updated maybe once or twice this year, total.) I'm just dissatisfied with the algorithms these days; it's all ads and dubious reposts and not the updates from friends I'd prefer to see.

I know there's been some new social medias in the last year or two, but I haven't made an effort to figure them out yet.

Maybe someday. We'll see.

The news from my pulmonology appointment last week is that he thinks I'm in an ABPA flare and wants to go old school to treat it (with long term Prednisone and an antifungal, Itraconazole). This is scary, because both Pred and Itra have serious side effects.

I was hoping maybe after stopping the Tobramycin, this flare would end and I'd be able to step down off the Prednisone (in which case, I'd decline the Pred/ Itra for now), but so far that does not seem to be the case.

BUT, I did just realize that the probiotic I've been taking (because you know, all these damn antibiotics) has a "may contain" warning for gluten and hmmm... So I stopped taking it two days ago and am going to see if that lessens the flare.

So we'll see.

(My HRV has improved already and I am starting to feel a little better, but not enough to reduce my Prednisone yet.)

I'm thinking about taking a pottery class and learning to throw pots. Make myself some mugs and bowls and maybe some cool plates.

I've also been thinking about printing out some of my photos. Digital just isn't enough, at the moment.

And going back to the dance class I started in June... once my lungs feel healed enough to handle dancing for an hour!

And coming back to poetry, and photographic art, always.

It's time to reclaim my daily/ weekly/ monthly creative practices.

It's starting to feel more and more like autumn, which means nesting!

Cleaning and decluttering, maybe finally getting around to hanging up the artwork I've had laying around since we moved in here three years ago (!).

Rearranging and organizing.

A house project or two for the winter...

And I am absolutely, without a doubt, looking forward to voting in November!!!!!

I'm trying my best to maintain a sense of balance about the whole thing - not slip into despair, not be blinded by foolish optimism. But I am hopeful and that is a Good Thing!

Voting makes a difference, politically and personally.

Voting is important self-and-community care.

VOTE!

summertime fun (while still dealing with the pseudomonas, ABPA, and bronchiectasis)

2024-09-12T17:31:00.008-04:00

Street art in Asheville NC, taken the day I got out of the hospital.

* Bullet points because it's easier.

* This summer was a lot. A lot of amazing fun and a lot of really shitty health issues. Both.

* For his 18th birthday (!!!!), R decided to go on an Outward Bound excursion and picked one in the Blue Ridge Mountains. (He had an amazing time!) M and I drove him down and were going to have ourselves a nice vacation...

* And then I had (what I thought was an asthma attack or ABPA flare) and ended up in the ER in Asheville. And was admitted for two days again because wait, get this! I actually had pneumonia again! Back to IV antibiotics (but only for two days).

* It turns out the first round IV antibiotics (in May-June) didn't work. I still had/ have pseudomonas in my lungs.

* Due to some weirdness with the way the lab cultured the sample, the pseudomonas only showed up after I was released from the hospital with regular antibiotics (and the erroneous belief that the pseudomonas was gone, which was crushed less than a week later, sigh).

* My pulmonologist (who is amazing) sent me (oral) Levofloxacin to a pharmacy in Pigeon Forge...

* Where we had just gone to Dollywood! Dollywood was AHMAZING! SO MUCH FUN!

* Also, I love the mountains. It is harder for me to breathe at higher altitudes (which I think contributed to that asthma attack/ ABPA flare) but damn, I love the view.

I mean, whoa, check out the view from my hospital room!

* The oral Levofloxacin worked well enough to let me enjoy the rest of our vacation! We did a drive through the Great Smoky Mountain National Park (I wasn't up for hiking yet - at Dollywood, I was considering renting an electric scooter, but ended up being ok walking slowly) and then went to Charlotte.

* My pulmonologist is extremely proactive and helped me find a new Infectious Disease doctor and got me a consult with a top bronchiectasis specialist at NYU-Langley (which isn't until later this year, because they're really busy).

* My new infectious disease doctor is also amazing and immediately put me on a 28 day trial of nebulized Tobramycin. It's possible, but seems unlikely to me, that the Tobramycin might eradicate the pseudomas, but who knows. Sputum testing will help us evaluate whether I need to continue to "push back" the pseudomonas by doing 28 days on, twenty eight days off the nebulized Tobramycin (or switch to a different inhaled antibiotic).

* Then we had another long road trip! A family wedding in Wisconsin was the perfect opportunity for more University visits!

* Oh! I haven't mentioned yet that I traded in my VW Sportswagon for a VW ID4! Yes, that's right, I finally got an EV! The trip to WI and back was our second long road trip with the ID4 and it was great! It does take extra planning but I love it!

Sunset from the passenger's side, somewhere in OH I think.

* On the way home, we decided not to split up the drive into two days and drove straight home, only stopping to charge/ eat/ go to the bathroom. It made for a v e r y long drive (20ish hours) but we had three drivers and M really didn't want to sleep in another hotel bed so he was highly motivated. Having the built in charging-breaks is really useful on a road trip!

* Unfortunately, my asthma/ allergies/ ABPA started flaring up again during the road trip. My pulmonologist gave me an emergency script for Prednisone and then pushed through a switch to a new biologic, since the flare seems to mean the Fasenra failed

* So now I'm on Tezspire. I had my first dose this week and I just finished tapering off the prednisone this morning. We'll see! So far, I'm still tight, but it's manageable with extra nebulizer treatments.

* There's a real possibility that the Tobramycin is causing the chest tightness/ asthma flare (bronchospasm) and I guess we'll see whether that's the case once I finish the 28 day course on Saturday.

* If so, I'm hoping that either a) the pseudomonas is eradicated or b) I can try a different inhaled antibiotic for the next pushback.

* Daily Prednisone is the normal course of treatment for ABPA, though. I know my pulmonologist was hoping that the biologic would make that unnecessary, but it might just not be possible, at least during high pollen season.

* Pollen is really high/ bad right now. So it is also possible my current flare has nothing to do with the Tobramycin (or the pseudomonas).

"Fuck this Shit" Care Bear is the Care Bear I need right now. I bought it in Asheville, of course. The mer-Leia/ Grogu is from Etsy, as mentioned in this post. The glow in the dark rainbow heart is from Amazon.

* And... after I started writing this, the tightness in my lungs worsened enough that I definitely needed more prednisone (and my pulmonologist okayed a refill). And was thinking about going to the ER - thankfully, two extra doses of nebulized albuterol along with some benadryl, ibuprofen and a heating pad brought my pulse ox back up to reasonable levels at rest and the now obtained Prednisone is doing the rest.

(I also got an appointment for tomorrow for the pulmonologist on call to take a listen to my lungs and see if there's anything more serious going on. I mean, I shouldn't have pneumonia again/ still, but...)

* The family wedding was SO MUCH FUN - I danced it UP and had a blast!

* Prednisone is a fucking miracle.

* We've got a bunch more University visits coming up this fall, which should be a lot of fun. I'm also starting to get serious about my 50th birthday plans, which is even more exciting.

* But seriously, fuck bronchiectasis/ ABPA/ Asthma/ Pseudomonas!

* Fuck this shit, indeed.

set backs and IV antibiotics, oh my

2024-06-12T14:34:00.001-04:00

I ended up getting sick the night after my first allergy shots. At first, it was a little unclear whether it was a reaction, but M also got sick (but didn't have it go to his lungs). Long story short, the oral antibiotic didn't eradicate the pseudomonas, it came back and I needed to have IV antibiotics.

Because the infectious doctor my pulmonologist mainly works with only accepts patients through the hospital, I had to go to the ER, get admitted and then spend two days in the hospital while they ran the first set of IVs to make sure I wasn't allergic. I didn't technically have pneumonia again, but it was starting, so I'm calling it a half case. Two and half bouts of pneumonia this year. Ugh.

After I was discharged, I had ten more days of IV antibiotics, self administered, through a midline on my upper arm. I'm really hoping (knock on wood this time) that the IV antibiotic worked and the pseudomonas won't come back, but at this point, I have no way of knowing whether that's going to be the case or not.

(It was super weird being in the hospital when I obsensibly didn't feel "all that bad" but what that really shows is that I've normalized feeling shitty for way too long. Which is great, because it allows me to function when I don't feel good, but not great because it kept me from this diagnosis for way too long.)

Because I hadn't ever been tested, they did do a genetic test and a sweat chloride test for cystic fibrosis, both of which were negative. Which is good news, but also weirdly not great, because non-CF bronchiectasis seems to have much fewer treatment options.

The Fasenra does still seem to be helping, though! So there's that.

So, long story not short, bronchiectasis (and APBA) is really shitty. Just super shitty.

_____

* I'm not actually sure why I didn't hit publish when I first wrote this in June, but I just found it here, in September, in my drafts. I'm backdating it to the day I wrote it. There's been a lot since, so I'm writing another update.

flow(er)ing: finally feeling healthy

2024-05-11T12:48:00.002-04:00

* The strong antibiotic worked! No side effects (woohoo!) and about five or six days in I started feeling good again. It was almost uncanny. I'd felt like crap for so long.

* My pulmonologist officially confirmed my ABPA (allergic bronchopulmonary aspergillosis) diagnosis and instead of putting me on the traditional treatment (long term, low dose oral steroids) looked at the current research and said, "Let's try a biologic, I've found one that seems to be the best for you" and her office pushed through the paperwork for my insurance and the co-pay card offered by the drug company and I've now taken my first dose of Fasenra!

I cried happy tears of relief at the appointment. Being heard and taken seriously is such a blessing. It sucks it took this long to get here, but I got here. We're figuring this out!

* Allergy season is bad this year so there's been lots of delays with making the serums for my shots, but they've finally arrived in the office and I start on Monday!

Oh my goodness. Feeling healthy. What an immense relief.

Thank you, thank you, thank you.

flow(er)ing: allergies lead to deeper truths

2024-04-10T17:42:00.004-04:00

Well, I spoke too soon about feeling good. The pneumonia came back a few days later and a week after my last post I was in the ER again, with the same respiratory issues.

After I got home, I booked myself appointments with both an allergist (since this recurrence didn't seem to be viral and coincided with the start of high pollen counts) and a pulmonologist. Both ran a bunch of tests (blood work and sputum cultures) and lo and behold, they found the likely underlying culprit (I have a really strong allergic reaction to aspergillus and a through the roof IgE total) and the big bad bacteria that ~~was~~ is still hanging out in my lungs.

Turns out it wasn't just pneumonia, I also have bronchiectasis.

So now, I'm on a nasty antibiotic (day two today, hopefully I continue to have no side effects) and have an appointment with the pulmonologist to go over the likely underlying cause of the bronchiectasis.

I'll also be starting allergy shots, I think (depending on what the pulmonologist thinks/ how she wants to treat me and if insurance covers them, which I think it does).

Anyway, it's been a weird end of winter, early spring.

It's been so weird, I completely forgot about NaPoWriMo completely until yesterday!

Don't know what to do about that. Guess I'm taking a break year.

(Or I'll do some found poems out of my journals for each of the first days and then go on from there.)

((Could go either way, we'll see.))

(((I may need to poem all this fucked up health stuff out, though!)))

flow(er)ing: potential universities, travel, pneumonia and the northern lights

2024-03-11T17:07:00.001-04:00

As hoped, I got a wonderful chance to see the northern lights in January, from our plane, on the way to Iceland! It was a magical light show. Difficult to get photos of because of the glare, but I used my sweater to block out as much cabin lights as I could and managed.

Really, the beauty is in being in the moment, the photo is a (memento of the) memory, but I do love having memories.

We had a great whirlwind trip, visiting three potential universities. One became R's first choice, one he completely eliminated from the running and the other is in the long shot maybe category.

It was a wonderful trip and then on our last day, I had what I thought was a glutening. My asthma reaction kept getting worse and worse, though, and by the time we got home, my pulse oxygen was tanking. I ended up going to the ER, where I found out it was pneumonia. I swabbed positive for flu, so it seems like it wasn't gluten, it was a minor case of the flu that turned bad in my lungs because of flying. (Or possibly a triple event. Sigh.)

Pneumonia just sucks. If you know, you know.

And so I spent most of February sick and then recuperating. Steroids and antibiotics and rest. Then slowly starting to feel better and trying to be a little more active every day.

I'm feeling much better now.

This last weekend, R and I went on another whirlwind European university tour (only two this time) and got a close look at his second choice school. The program is really great, but the place isn't quite right.

We're planning on visiting a few schools in the States during spring break, a few during the summer, and maybe even a few next fall, if necessary.

It's really about supporting him in finding the next right place.

With the added bonus of getting to see the Northern Lights.

poeming with a digital art prompt

2024-01-17T17:36:00.003-05:00

Art I made today from a photo of my family playing video games in the basement.

exploded beingness

we picked this moment

created

destroyed

waiting

for the light

sundered

into direct

nothingness

forgotten

destroyed

waiting

for the light

a sunrise

after sunset

after dawn

after dusk

again

(again)

disputed

warring zones

across radical

lines

waiting

for the light

flow(er)ing: poeming on healing and how our scars welcome us home

2024-01-12T14:13:00.003-05:00

Parking lot tree reflection, after yet another round of flooding in Northern NJ.

Our scars adorn us

an array of twinkling

satellites pulled taut

into pulsating flesh

Our scars illuminate us

a story written in words

we cannot read - but feel

deeply inside our bodies

Our scars testify for us

the long nights and fast

pace, for the peace and

for the horrors, all our days

Our scars welcome us

a loving home built solely

by us, for us, without

worry or neglect; whole

____

A poem I wrote in September. Which I think might be the last poem I wrote. This has been quite a dry spell. In part because Instagram/ FB was my posting medium of choice for the majority of my little poems. Only the longer ones go here, but without the littler poems, the longer ones dry up, too.

I'm not sure if or when I'll return to Instagram/ FB. Maybe today. Maybe next month. Maybe never.

I do occasionally pop in to look at other people's posts. But not often and as a result the feed doesn't show me much other than ads - and there's a huge reason I am mostly shying away from the metaverse: too many ads.

I know there have been new social medias popping up, but I haven't found one that feels like a good home yet.

____

Home. Oh yes, I am home. Here I am. Hineni.

____

I am feeling the most at home in myself and the world than I have in a long time.

I feel a very real sense of hineni - here-I-am-ness - these days.

I am feeling, like in this poem, that the scars of what I have been through (psychologically) are helping me create that feeling of home in myself. Are adorning me. Are telling the story of me.

This is healing. This is what healing looks and feels like.

(And it feels much better than panic attacks and the jagged feeling of everything dropping out from under my feet.)

One day at a time, I am flow(er)ing.

not quite bullet points

2024-01-09T16:02:00.006-05:00

I decided instead of a blog-a-day (which would be difficult because we're traveling at the end of the month) that I would do a "take a photo with my real camera (preferably with the lensbaby)" project instead. At least for January. Not sure if I'll do the same project in February.

So far so good!

Here's one of the least doubled exposures that I made today - there's still a mild double exposure, but it's minimal.

I'm wearing my new progressives - I'm not sure why I didn't get them earlier, but they've been a real game changer! It turns out correcting my astigmatism (which didn't seem to do that much to my vision, but uh, yeah, does actually do a lot) AND always having reading glasses on is really wonderful for my eyes.

Plus I like the purple frames!

(Zenni dot com.)

It snowed this weekend for the first time this year.

I'm still not super keen on winter or snow, but menopause has changed my perspective a lot and I think therapy has really helped me reshift my perspectives around things I don't really like much.

(Not that I wasn't doing that before, but it accelerated my growth, I guess?)

Having a beautiful view of the wooded area behind our house from our windows really helps, too.

And not having to shovel snow, ever. Or even really deal with snow removal at all. It's great!

Part of our travel this month involves being back in Iceland for a few days and that'll be interesting! We're not renting a car, but will be taking the Straeto (bus system). I am excited!

With so little time there, there's not much chance of getting to see the Northern Lights, but it's not a zero chance, either (especially on the plane, there and back).

And it'll be interesting to visit a land that close to the Arctic circle in the winter. Thankfully we'll have good clothes with us!

(And microspikes - it's apparently icy AF in Reykjavik right now.)

We're doing University visits, because that's where we are in life right now, doing University visits with R. What a joyful process, to be able to give him something I did not get as a teenager!

Because we can, we're doing European visits and American/ Canadian visits. (At separate times, obviously.) He's leaning very seriously in a European direction, which makes sense.

(But you never know, hence doing all the visits we can!)

So we're going back to Wales and England, to Ireland and Iceland.

(We would be going to Norway, Sweden, Denmark, Germany or the Netherlands, but none of the universities on our long-short list there had the programs he is looking for.)

But really, the biggest news of all is that R got his driver's license!

I'm just so proud of him. So freaking proud!

(And now I can take sunset photos while he's driving! Sweet!)

2024 word of the year: flow(er)ing

2024-01-01T15:55:00.004-05:00

a double exposure of a recent self portrait combined with a passion flower photo I took on the last day of my Caminho this summer

Happy New Year!!!!

Each year, since the end of 2010, I have picked a focus word of the year.

2010: roller-coaster

2011: exploration

2012: believe

2013: expanding

2014: embracing

2015: unfolding

2016: nurturing/ nourishing

2017: hope

2018: trust

2019: connectioning

2020: liberation(ing)

2021: wayfinding

2022: joysparking

2023: hineni (here I am)

This year's year's word, flow(er)ing is a word play idea that came to me when I was making a list of possibilities for last year's word. I like how it combines flowing with flowering and the playfulness of the possibilities entwined in those two words.

I'll be turning 50 at the end of this year (December, baby!) and that seems extra special, for obvious reasons, so when I first started thinking about words for this year, I was looking for words that begin with F... and there was the perfect word!

(I brainstormed a few other ideas but flow(er)ing was just so right, it felt like an almost immediate yes.)

I'm so excited for this New Year!

I'm thinking about doing a blog-a-day project again, but I'm not sure if it will be a full year long project, or a month long, or indeed, if it will happen. Maybe a blog-a-week project to start? We'll see what happens.

(I have some past posts in the pipeline, and those may become part of this project.)

(And I'm also still thinking about moving to an entirely different platform.)

M and I started brainstorming ideas for a book about travel that I'm also wanting to work on (and I think I might be ready to tackle the next draft of my grief-book).

There's a lot of writing hopefully waiting for me this year, after taking a lot of last year off.

I'm ready.

Hineni.

here I am: home after returning from caminho!

2023-08-28T16:26:00.000-04:00

Beginning at the Cathedral in Porto.

We walked the Portuguese Way this summer. It was ah-maze-ing. And also, it was a fairly simple walking adventure. Both.

We packed our bags as minimally as possible (about or just under 20 lbs for me and M, Remy's was lighter). We carried our backpacks every step instead of porting them ahead. No reason, it was just easy and our bags weren't too heavy. We kept saying, "maybe we'll need to have them ported soon..." but "soon" never came.

Having a well fitted backpack made all the difference. Mine was a Gregory Jade 37l. M also had a Gregory bag and Remy's was an Osprey.

On the second day, I experimented with no leggings/ pants (just bike shorts): didn't do that again!

I wouldn't be able to keep up with R even if I tried, so we split up purposefully. M kept up with R as much as possible (teenagers have so much energy!) and I lagged behind and hiked my own hike.

This often meant I needed a Bolt/ Uber/ taxi/ bus when I was done walking, to catch up. I didn't shorten my walks to just what I could do, which is what I would have done if I was walking solo. This way, I had the best of both worlds: walking solo during the day, hanging out with my guys in the afternoon. Awesome!

Coastal Portugal is gorgeous!

It was still exhausting, for me. In a good way. I found the line between "too much" and "not enough" and stayed there as much as possible. There were a few days when it was impossible to get a taxi (walking through a forest, the last day all the taxis were busy) and I made it work, taking rests and walking at my own pace.

I got glutened once, horrifically. Ironically it was from a dedicated GF bakery and in retrospect, I'm sure they used deglutenized wheat flour, which I know I cannot eat. I should have asked and I didn't.

(And I made that mistake twice more, in Italy, on the second half of our European adventure. UGH!)

The view from an alburgue we had entirely to ourselves.

Since horrific asthma is one of my main glutening symptoms, we took a rest day the next day so I could recover. We rented a car and drove into the mountains to see some castle ruins! I also took a Bolt/ Uber most of the way the next day or two after.

My left knee needed a brace (after I stumbled on a curb after dinner the second night). That wasn't great, but as long as I did knee strengthening exercises and avoided stairs (or walked down them leading with my left leg) it was OK. I would say the asthma attack I had after being glutened impacted me more.

Another alburgue we had entirely to ourselves, in Galiza.

At some point, we caught some virus. It very well might have been covid, we have no way of knowing. It was short for M and R but for me, it did what covid did the other times I've gotten it and made any gluten or cross contamination exposure that much worse. We took a few rest days and actually rested that time.

And then we kept walking.

All in all, from Porto to Santiago, it took us 18 days, including 3 rest days. (Well, we walked part of one of those rest days, but it was a very short day.) 18 days! Chai!

I made it!!!!! I was very proud of myself for walking my own caminho!

After our walk, we decided to take Remy's suggestion and go to Italy. We had 8 days left, so we took a cheap flight on Easyjet and headed to Milano!

And that's when we discovered the Alps (specifically the Dolomites): wow.

Here we go!

I can't say we loved Italy as much as Portugal (Portugal was the best!) but I can say I fell absolutely head over heels in love with the Alps.

We also took a day and went to Switzerland, just because. We took a funiva (cable car/ sky tram) up a mountain and the view was breathtaking.

Anyway, I got glutened again by some amazing Italian GF pizza (deglutenized wheat is awful) and subsequently didn't feel good enough to go to Venice, but I think having a few Alpine road trips and seeing what Northern Italy was like was enough for now. We can go back to Italy later, because Rome, Tuscany, Napoli, Florence...

I also want to go to Lisbon and explore more of Portugal, it really was amazing.

The view from the funiva in Switzerland: wow!

But first, we'll be doing a whole bunch of university visits next year!

(R graduates in 2025!)

So exciting! Let's go!

___________

I finished adding photos January 1, 2024 and am backdating this post to when I first started writing it, Aug 28, 2023.

here I am: a July update of sorts

2023-07-10T16:29:00.001-04:00

It's difficult to blog when I know I need to do a certain thing that I don't really feel like doing (collating poems from Instagram).

It's difficult to blog when I don't know what to say.

It's difficult to blog when I am out of the practice of writing every day.

It's difficult to blog when I am not even sure I want to stay in this blogging space anyway.

It's difficult to blog when I am feeling fuzzy (a spring of cross contamination and allergies will do that).

It's difficult to blog when the world is so hyperreal and bizarre.

It's difficult to blog when I could be playing Beat Saber instead.

It's difficult to blog when there are adventures to be had, but I also feel guilty having adventures because I have friends who cannot "return to normal."

It's difficult to blog when normal isn't really all that great anyway.

It's difficult to blog when I am feeling stuck.

It's difficult to blog in the middle of an ebb season.

It's difficult to blog when I am doing so much to get ready for this summer's adventures!

It's difficult to blog when I'm not sure who is reading anymore.

:::::::

And yet, here I am.

And yet, I can write when I don't know what to write.

And yet, I can finish the projects I start even when it takes awhile.

And yet, I am getting a lot done.

And yet, I have always written for myself, for future Alexis.

And yet, the world is what it always has been and I cannot change what it is.

And yet, I can only live my life.

And yet, I have had some amazing adventures this spring (we went away for Mother's Day/ R's birthday and glamping/ river rafting for M's birthday).

And yet, the biggest adventure of all is coming soon this summer. I am so excited!

And yet, even when I am out of the practice of daily writing, once I start, the writing flows.

And yet, I am here. Writing, sharing, being.

I am not committing to daily writing again yet, but it's a possibility I'm thinking about after we get back from our big adventure!

NaPoWriMo 2023: week four

2023-04-30T15:44:00.003-04:00

chasing auroras

there's storm swept solar
night skies tonight
and it's clear
and I keep
checking the forecast to see
when the aurora
will turn our way
and so far we're at the edge a few times
but not enough to see it here
(and maybe I should go to
higher ground, to where there's
less light pollution, but I'm
tired, I'm tired?) and I'm
doubting whether
it'll happen anyway
but I keep checking
and we'll see
if we see
if I see

let's see

____

23. Spoiler alert: couldn't see it from here.

trying to eat breakfast and lunch instead of letting myself get overly hungry
trying to incorporate more veggies and beans
trying to forget shoulds and focus on nourishment
trying to be kind to my body/ my self because this is my one, precious life and Mary Oliver was right

____

24. Crudites with hummus, feta, olives and pepperoncini

time
the internal
embrace

compassionate
and intentional

one
experiences
memories

show
our love

feel
gratitude

deliberate

freeing

____

25. A blackout poeming.

even with my itching
eyes and runny nose
and not sleeping great
and asthmatic fatigue,
I still love spring unconditionally

____

26. Oh yeah, and I found out I was being slowly glutened (cross contaminated) for most of the spring. Fun times, fun times.

An Art Out Poem In Two Parts

1. Internalized Shame

can't sit down
so attached to
all I need to do
only... I'm failing

2. Self-Acceptance

refuse to feel guilty
hear yourself
self-love first
invaluable
honest
help

____

27. When I don't feel great, haiku and blackout poeming are easy entry points to daily poeming.

today is:

so tired
so foggy
so itchy
(eyes)

and there are still sakura
my favorite double blossom
sakura in the studio parking lot

____

28. Sakura make everything better, even feeling like shit.

didn't get much sleep
last night but I'm still here
making the most
of the sleep I got

____

29. I decided this year to try to be more accepting of not getting enough sleep. It helps somewhat, though it is still frustrating to not be able to sleep.

when it rains,
let it rain
(is there really a choice?)

when it snows,
let it snow
(there is no choice)

when the sun shines,
let the sun shine
(no choice at all)

the choice is: let it be what it is
or let the discontent
of wanting what is to not be
add suffering to suffering

wear the right clothes
make good decisions
be in the moment, as it is

life is hard enough
without trying to change
that which is unchangeable

(life is hard enough)

(you are loved)

____

30. And there we have it, another year of daily poeming in April in the bag!

:::::::

I collated these poems from my Instagram on July 10, and backdated this post to April 30 because it felt right.

NaPoWriMo 2023: week three

2023-04-23T15:09:00.002-04:00

magnolia
petals raining
pink and white -
and everywhere
chartreuse leaves
take their place -
the annual procession
begins again, again

____

15. A poem about my backyard.

your pilgrimage

inspirations

the first step
dreaming

allow fun
on the camino

an amazing walk
to experience a place
and choose what you love

____

16. A blackout poeming which is also a not-so-subtle hint about this summer's adventure.

can I have the new
of course it looks
most likely the first
for the next few
oblivion to get
read the tips about
turn on my hips

____

17. We finally bought a new couch for our basement media room and it is so comfy, I had to write an acrostic about it! lol

some days, the only poem is breathing
some days, the only poem is rest
some days, the only poem is blue sky and puffy pink sakura
some days, the only poem is enough

____

18. I played allergies or virus for awhile in April. It wasn't very fun, but it wasn't the worst, either.

I'm thinking of the times
I said 'I wish this could last forever'
and how the forevers are locked
now in my imperfect memory
so many forevers
the forever of our first night
the forever of our baby laughing
the forever of cherry blossoms
raining down on a random Wednesday
birds circling overhead
my thoughts busy with anticipation
and the writing
of this poem

____

19. Meta-poeming forever!

rose scented bath
cherry blossom dryad
mermaid dreams

____

20. Another haiku inspired by a multiple exposure self portrait. This one's a collage because I couldn't pick between the four versions.

come dance
outside, feel
the cool air
on your skin
and the green
mossy mud squish
between your toes
come dance outside
the air fragrant
with spring blossoms
and new leaves
come dance outside
my love and be free

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21. A flashback to the days when I used to write all my poems longhand.

when 100 days
you español are learning
look so good you will not

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22. Because not all haiku are serious. Some are silly takeoffs of Yoda quotes bragging about your 100 day milestone learning on Duolingo.

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I finished collating week three today (July 10) and backdated this post to April 23 because that's what felt right. I also added one extra day here so that the last week isn't the only one with extra days. Formatting! lol