In high school, I remember our grade eight teacher telling us to have an introduction, make three points, then end with a conclusion. For the clueless writer, this is the equivalent of teaching a non-swimmer how to float. Myself, I am a first class floater.

Being good at floating only got you as far as a B minus, if you can write grammatically correct sentences.

If there is anything I learned about writing from my last few days of “Hot Blog Topic” series, it is that seriously good writing is hard. Bland spam is pretty easy.

The formula is simple:

1. Pick a place for dinner.
2. Take pictures of restaurant and food. Pictures of the menu and the final bill is optional.

OR

1. Make something at home.
2. Post recipe and picture of final result.

Honestly, there’s no way to parlay this into any kind of profitable business model. You really have to love what you are doing. Given that you eat 3 times a day – might as well document it.

Let’s face it – you can’t live in Vancouver and not be a foodie. The King of Vancouver food blogs is of course Chow Times. In the land of exploding real estate prices, eating out has turned out to be a real steal. It was only a matter of going out to restaurants, armed with a really nice camera. Occasionally, eating in or hanging out at the community kitchen also makes for good eats. (About the cheap eats in Vancouver: I suspect that HST and the creeping inflation AND the sudden coldness in real estate has really changed the spending habits of the locals.)

I think that the best “foodie” blogs are personal blogs that occasionally have food posts. I would recommend wynlok – I go for the food but stay for the reading and running.

Honestly I am not much of a foodie. I am like the “ugly duckling” in the family – I have no culinary skills what so ever whereas everyone else is a pro. Even my sister who I would not consider to be a pro has better than survival skills and has good taste.

Speaking of which, I have 2 months left to use up my Entertainment book coupons. The book is such mint and unused condition you would wonder if I ate anything since the beginning of the year. Do you Ent book users have any recommendations? Got some birthdays coming up!

Caution: Colours and sizes of bunnies may vary.

Lolcatz has become a permanent fixture on the Internet landscape. Although it is trending downwards, but it is still strongly represented in the humour market.

Funnies have been passed around for a long time by email, but to syndicate it into a blog is brilliant. Just ask the owner of the profitable Cheezburger Network. (I am guessing that they’re making money if they can make a serious offer on reddit.)

The formula is straightforward for a funny-image blog:

1. Find an image. If it is not funny, grind it through Photoshop as needed.
2. Add a caption. It can describe the scene or be dialog that is happening. You may use traditional lolcatz or English.
3. Profit! The Internet loves you!
4. Repeat, hopefully using minimum wage workers and free labour from rabid fans. I don’t know about you, but I prefer to support fair-trade lolcatz.

I think that I am trying too hard with my own blog with my deep insights and sometimes grammatically correct sentences. But I can’t afford to pay for the bandwidth for any images. I mean, I had to take a picture of a Prelude off one of my posts because the Googlebots keep putting it up for people. (Well, serves me right – it wasn’t even a picture of my own Prelude.) If you want to seriously pursue this, I might recommend a Flickr account – they don’t charge you extra if a million people wants to view your image.

Here are some fair-trade (i.e. non-Cheezburger) funnies that I like:

• We’re with Coco – You know the picture I’m talking about. You have been so over exposed to it you can see it immediately with your mind’s eye.
• Demotivational posters – When I first saw them when they were circulated around the office, I thought they were quite clever. Since then imitators can’t seem to hold up to the same quality of sarcasm that I come to expect. I have high expectations when it comes to demotivation.
• Courage wolf – Fierce wolf telling you to kick ass with your life. He speaks to my self-help neediness in a meaningful way.
• Winnipeg Cat – Something cold about this cat. But Canadian.

Meme it and win it, baby!  PS – if you are going to remix my bunnies, let me know!

“Last night I met another girl off Plenty of Fish. The photo was smoking hot but there was nothing much in the profile. I had my suspicions but the weekend was coming up and I’d rather not be stuck at home again, watching movies solo. So there I was at the coffee shop, waiting for her… I knew it was too good to be true – picture was nothing like the person. I gave her the polite hour of chit-chat but she was talking about herself the whole time – problems at work, coworkers, families and all that shit. Let’s just say my mind was elsewhere the whole time… and uh-huh, doing you-know-what to you-know-who. I’d still be with her if she wasn’t such a crazy bitch.”

By the way, the above is a total work of fiction with absolutely no resemblance to anything in real life. With the exception of my having used Plenty of Fish at some points in my life. My dating life, if I could write publicly about it, would be a magnus opus of love, romance, sex, heartbreak, and a whole lot of crazy fucked up shit. My problems are at least 20 times as complicated as yours, just because they are mine. And 100 times more interesting to read about.

Exhibitionists -There is nothing like having a publicly readable personal diary online. Even if you make it anonymous, there will be enough details for anyone with sufficient brains (and stalking intentions) to connect the words to the real person. The typical readers are:

• Your friends – I am mildly anti-social, so this is one way to stay in touch.
• Men (if you are a female blogger) – I mean, it’s not really stalking if I am reading what you’re putting out publicly right?
• Aspiring writers – There is a certain honesty and juiciness about Exhibitionist blogging that makes it such an entertaining read.

In the day of declaring hooky-playing on your Facebook status and having inappropriate photos of yourself on the Internet, the art of putting it out there in a tasteful and entertaining manner without disqualifying yourself from future jobs is a fine balancing act. Like all balancing acts, it is only entertaining if the line is crossed. I mean: you’d totally be reading me all the time if I do a tell-all about my dating and love live, right?

For professional purposes, we all cannot be Exhibitionists. However, there is still a lot of room for Teases. For obvious reasons, Tease bloggers tend to be women. Let’s say I post something like this:

“The average ejaculation produces 2 to 5 ml of semen. It has a pH between 7.2-8.0. Also, semen contains fructose, enzymes, phosphorylcholine, citric acid, amino acids, potassium, prostaglandin and zinc. Fun facts from my biology book.”

Probably doesn’t fit into my theme of “Desperate for Change.” However, this is killer material for “Life of a College Freshwoman,” if there is such a blog. In any case, the intent of the writing is clear: tease, tease, tease.

If the examples I have don’t give you an hint, here is a rundown of topics that work well for Exhibitionists and Teases:

• Innocent crushes – You know, the cute cashier, the waiter or waitress. The boy sitting in the front of the class.
• Family – Always fodder for blogging. There’s someone who’s been quoting his Dad on Twitter and it’s turned into a TV show. Crazy. Kids (if you have kids) are also good to write about.
• Pets – Also fodder for blogging, but to a point.
• Vacations – Pictures of beaches and tourist destinations. Adventures and random encounters.
• Recreational hobbies and other obsessions – Not necessarily to the same level as a full on niche blog, but just enough to let your readers know what kinds of things you are into.
• Writing – Straight up writing for writing sake. Sometimes there isn’t much going on.

Oh, there’s a term for this type of blog: a personal blog. The business model is not so obvious – but you can sometimes leverage your readership for personal causes, like fund-raising, or winning votes for contests. Or in some cases, you can leverage your popularity into bigger and better things in your off-line life.

. . . . .

For you nosy people: I have been dating a wonderful girl that I met last November last year. Things are going well. That is all.

Sell your Ferrari!

Reinvent yourself as a self-help guru and write a few books. You gotta support your newly found freedom with something or another, right?

(The self-help guru part is optional but typical.)

Freedom Writers write for the Working Dead. Their target audience:

• Surfs the Internet at work.
• Has soul sucking job but a job is a job in this economy, right?
• Hasn’t been on a vacation in years.
• Is probably burdened by stuff and debt.
• And most important of all – looking to leave it all behind and start a new life.

I love reading these guys and girls. I mean doesn’t the Siren of the Four Hour Workweek call out to you? Work less, travel more, have more fun. While you’re still young! Of course, there is the 80 hour workweeks of preparation to get you to that point, but who cares about reality!

Another sub-culture of Freedom Writers that seem to be gaining a lot of ground these days are the Minimalists. If you’re gunning for freedom but don’t have a Ferrari to buffer your expenses for the next while, you’re going to have to cut down a few things. Here, the disadvantage of doing with less becomes an advantage – you write about exactly how you are doing without and thriving. These days, I like reading Everett Bogue’s Far Beyond the Stars. The advantage that the Minimalists have over Tim Ferriss is that you can start your freedom right away, instead of fiddling with trying to setup your near-passive income beforehand.

The topics of choice for Freedom Writers:

• Preaching freedom – Rise up, ye weary cubicle workers. Unshackle thyselves from thy keyboards and mice. Wake up zombies and smell your life passing you by. Unleash your true self onto the world.
• Meaning – With your newfound freedom, what are you doing to better yourself and others.
• Money – Spending less and/or getting good value when you do spend.
• Traveling – Going from country to country until you hit them all. Or just staying for months at a time somewhere to learn a new language. Vagabonding.
• Internet Marketing – Developing a presence and connecting with other bloggers. Selling e-books and otherwise making money online. Freelancing is also acceptable as a mean of supporting yourself.

There is no particular CV you have to have to become a Freedom Writer. You just have to be personable and have an interesting life story. If you really got nothing to work with, quit your sucky job and start with that!

Freedom Writers are about giving us hope.

Hope – for an end to the grind.

Hope – for a better more meaningful life.

Hope – to break free from the cocoon into the butterflies that we are.

Write on, Freedom Writers, write on.

Let’s do a quick profile:

• Lives in the city.
• Aged 23 to 30. Finished with university or college.
• Has a professional office job with access to the Internet. Seven times out of ten, he is not happy with his job for various reasons.
• Signs up for all the appropriate social networking sites.
• Can be single, dating, or even recently married.
• Drives a vehicle.
• Goes to the gym.
• Goes clubbing, hang with friends, plays volleyball, goes to church and participate in other social activities.
• Moved out. (Except if you’re talking about the crazy real estate land of Vancouver, BC.)

For someone in this age group, writing about these subjects will get you his attention:

• Finances – Career, making more money, Internet marketing, investments, paying off student loans, being able to afford to buy a place.
• Relationship with the ladies – Meeting and dating women, maintaining sanity when in a relationship, pick-up artistry.
• Image and lifestyle – Cars, iPhones, PS3, XBOX 360, clothing, movies, music, celebrities, poker, UFC.

Hmmm…. sounds like “Stuff” magazine to me.

This prototypical young man has pretty straightforward worries and concerns in his life and has room in his finances to afford toys and entertainment. However, if you are able to add significant value to his life, it can be very lucrative to market to him. (See Internet marketers, pick-up artists.)

So… anybody for an e-book about how to make money while picking up the ladies at the club while using my Super Special Speed Seduction iPhone app?

Let us suppose that you are not too different than me: working a day job Monday to Friday, busy with classes in the evenings, spending time with family on the weekends. Don’t forget to exercise, do the laundry, take out the trash. Thank goodness no kids (that I know of).

You have a full schedule AND you’ve cut out TV already.

You don’t have the time or money to get into yet another expensive hobby. In fact you wouldn’t mind making some extra money if you can.

Let me phrase this more formally:

Is there an enjoyable hobby that can handle a flexible time commitment, doesn’t cost very much, and yet has money making potential?

Answer: Writing. In the modern Internet realm, this means keeping a blog. For bonus points, you write about things people want to read about.

What if you have nothing interesting going on in your life to write about? Then write about the awesomeness of having nothing going on! I mean, just look at the minimalists online community!

People pay good money for a bunch of well sequenced words (I know I do.) The Minimalists – they are absolutely KILLING it – their ebook monies and affiliate dollars are threatening their zenhood. These guys and girls are the epitome of writing success.

I have been a ravenous consumer of books for years, but only recently did I realize that I can be a producer. Well, maybe not books quite yet, but something with a coherent beginning middle and end. I am a FREAKING C++ programmer! How hard can it be to do subject-verb-noun-adjective-adverb?

And don’t even get me started about the bot-generated content. If would pit my monkeyed-typewriters against the bots any day.

Next post – the hot topics for blogs.

Japanese – I took one introductory class with Ninagawa-sensei years ago. It was a blast to learn from such a good teacher. He was lots of fun and he pushed you just hard enough.

Indoor rockclimbing – I was doing 5.10d at my prime which took some skill and mastery; brute strength helps but skill matters more.

Snowboarding – One season was enough for me, but I was glad to have done it.

Ballroom dancing – Love it, even if I don’t plan to do competitions. When you are on the floor – you can’t think about anything else but being in the moment.

Computer programming – There is something satisfying about putting together a program. When you get lost in the “zone” and the code is just flowing through your fingers, it’s a high unlike anything else. Maybe except for ballroom dancing.

Boardgaming and cards – Chess (International, Chinese, Japanese) , checkers, backgammon, poker, bridge, go, Settlers of Catan, and many more I am sure.

Blogging – I have 3.7 readers and 38 robots visiting my site regularly. My choice of topics is dilettantish and is mostly about whatever strikes my fancy.

Traveling – Going places that you have never been before is fun.

Reading non-fiction – The pursuit of knowledge and wisdom for its own sake never goes out of style.

There are really too many to list but the above comes to mind. I don’t simultaneously participate in all of these things at the same time – I tend to hook on one thing for a while, then go onto something else. And then I go back to something that I used to do again. I seem to keep a rotation of fun things to lose myself into.

Being a dilettante is about being non-committal. This is the Bad Thing, if there is a bad thing. Attempting to achieve certain goals in life (such as starting a business or entering competitions), being dilettantish is pretty fatal. To be more precise, some things just can’t be tackled in any other way except with an “all-in-I-am-cutting-out-everything-else-to-maximum-the-chances-of-success” mindset.

Life success tends to favour those that specialize and focus. Is there is an arena where dilettantes rule? I sure would kick ass at being so random!

I have recently been taking dance classes again. This is similar to the writing in that I am preparing a hobby and recreation that I can take on over the next couple of decades.

There is something satisfying about having a long term plan, especially when it comes to building up a skill that you can enjoy for years to come. While I am not a professional in either of my “retirement” hobbies, I am sure that working at something gradually over the years would add up. The 10000 hours of deliberate practice, as popularized by Malcolm Gladwell, isn’t something that is necessarily to be rushed. It is something to be savoured.

What hobbies are you savouring for the decades to come?

Recently I have been having some minor issues with my Prelude. Nothing major – like a loose connector for one of the headlights and a wheel cap missing from one of my front wheels ($50 to replace from Honda Parts Department). Not so much that it is undrivable, but just enough to annoy and nag me. Sometimes I ignore the nagging, sometimes the nagging gets to me. (Yes, I know the autowreckers is the next stop. Just haven’t gotten around to it.)

I remember a simpler time when I just came out of university. I hardly had any stuff. Heck, I didn’t even have a good computer. I was always happy at how neat and tidy my room was. Can’t say the same about these days.

I think that different people are predisposed for different things. Some people get a bit OCD about neatness and tidiness. Other people isn’t as bothered. Whatever makes you happy.

I think I am actually an on-and-off minimalism guy that has gotten caught up with stuff, money and greed in the last while. Perhaps that’s why I’ve been a tad moody as of late.