alidotes

Now it's time to say goodbye . . .

noreply@blogger.com (Ali) — Thu, 25 Jun 2009 00:44:00 +0000

. . . to all my company.

A-L-I

I'm gonna miss ya!

D-O-T-E-S

Okay, so in an attempt to avoid an awkward "goodbye," I came up with an even more awkward and borderline embarrassing idea - a dumb poem.

So what is this goodbye all about? You guessed it, folks, I'm shuttin' down alidotes.

I'm simply not feeling it anymore.

I don't have a grandiose explanation; all I know is that it's lost its luster, if there ever was any.

But I'm not going to close it completely in case I change my mind down the road.

For now, join me at Blessed Treehouse where I continue to blog about motherhood, family, and sometimes green living.

Love y'all.

Viva La Vida!

noreply@blogger.com (Ali) — Thu, 11 Jun 2009 18:45:00 +0000

Check out this awesomeness!

Twitter and Parenting: Ouch!

noreply@blogger.com (Ali) — Wed, 10 Jun 2009 17:15:00 +0000

I hope you all are enjoying the heat as much as this kid!

noreply@blogger.com (Ali) — Tue, 09 Jun 2009 20:54:00 +0000

Big dog + Little baby = Picture Perfect

noreply@blogger.com (Ali) — Sat, 06 Jun 2009 18:57:00 +0000

I can't claim this photo (it was forwarded to me), but as you can imagine, it makes me grin big.

Hammer Time

noreply@blogger.com (Ali) — Sat, 06 Jun 2009 14:23:00 +0000

Dave & Jimmy - Funny Stuff

noreply@blogger.com (Ali) — Fri, 05 Jun 2009 14:49:00 +0000

Classifieds

noreply@blogger.com (Ali) — Thu, 04 Jun 2009 12:15:00 +0000

POSITION:

Mom, Mommy, Mama, Ma, Dad, Daddy, Dada, Pa, Pop

JOB DESCRIPTION :
Long term, team players needed, for challenging, permanent work in an often chaotic environment. Candidates must possess excellent communication and organizational skills and be willing to work variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends and frequent 24 hour shifts on call. Some overnight travel required, including trips to primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and endless sports tournaments in far away cities!

Travel expenses not reimbursed.
Extensive courier duties also required.

RESPONSIBILITIES:

The rest of your life.
Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily until someone needs $5.
Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly.
Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat in case, this time, the screams from the backyard are not someone just crying wolf.
Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges, such as small gadget repair, mysteriously sluggish toilets and stuck zippers.
Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and coordinate production of multiple homework projects.
Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks.
Must be a willing to be indispensable one minute, an embarrassment the next.
Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a half million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices.
Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst.
Must assume final, complete accountability for the quality of the end product.
Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and janitorial work throughout the facility.

POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION:
None.

Your job is to remain in the same position for years, without complaining, constantly retraining and updating your skills so that those in your charge can ultimately surpass you.

PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE:
None required unfortunately.

On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.

WAGES AND COMPENSATION:
Get this - You pay them!
Offering frequent raises and bonuses.
A balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because of the assumption that college will help them become financially independent.
When you die, you give them whatever is left.
The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.

BENEFITS:
While no health or dental insurance, no pension, no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and no stock options are offered; this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth, unconditional love, and free hugs and kisses for life if you play your cards right.

*THERE IS NO RETIREMENT - EVER.

Just for laughs

noreply@blogger.com (Ali) — Mon, 01 Jun 2009 18:30:00 +0000

An Amish boy and his father were in a mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and then slide back together again.

The boy asked, 'What is this Father?'

The father (never having seen an elevator) responded, 'Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don't know what it is.'

While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, an old and wart-covered woman hobbled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the woman hobbled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched the small circular numbers above the walls light up sequentially. They continued to watch until it reached the last number and then the numbers began to light in the reverse order.

Finally the walls opened up again and a gorgeous, twenty-something bombshell beauty stepped out.

The father said quietly to his son, 'Go get your mother.'

Are women born this way?

noreply@blogger.com (Ali) — Fri, 29 May 2009 12:45:00 +0000

Thanks to my friend, Sarah, for sharing!

More redneck funnies

noreply@blogger.com (Ali) — Wed, 27 May 2009 10:00:00 +0000

Time-Out

Yard Swing

Cellar

To make up for yesterday's terribly chauvinistic post

noreply@blogger.com (Ali) — Tue, 26 May 2009 10:00:00 +0000

I thought these "words to live by" would do the trick!

If you missed yesterday's post, click here.

When life gets you down - just put on your big girl panties and deal with it.
Let your greatest fear be that there is no PMS and this is just your personality.
I know I'm in my own little world, but it's ok. They know me here.
Lead me not into temptation, I can find it myself.
Don't get your knickers in a knot; it solves nothing and makes you walk funny.
Keep your chin up, only the first 40 years of parenthood are hard.
If it has tires or testicles, it's gonna give you trouble.
By the time a woman realizes her mother was right, she has a daughter who thinks she's wrong.

Just another stupid beer commercial.

noreply@blogger.com (Ali) — Mon, 25 May 2009 11:37:00 +0000

Because even I find ridiculous and chauvinistic beer advertising funny.

What are you doing to make a difference?

noreply@blogger.com (Ali) — Fri, 22 May 2009 12:00:00 +0000

Thank you, Sara, for sharing.

Have you smiled yet today?

noreply@blogger.com (Ali) — Thu, 21 May 2009 23:45:00 +0000

Lunchtime?

noreply@blogger.com (Ali) — Wed, 20 May 2009 18:00:00 +0000

The Woz Worm

noreply@blogger.com (Ali) — Wed, 20 May 2009 11:42:00 +0000

Matt and I have watched Dancing With the Stars on-and-off all season. In fact, as I type this, I don't even know who won last night. We usually turned it on for mindless entertainment if there was nothing else to watch.

Last night was one of those nights. It just so happens that we caught Steve Wozinak's dance followed by his infamous "worm." I cannot tell you how hard I laughed when I saw this. No joke, I was snorting, peeing, and struggling to breathe (simultaneously) when I saw him attempt the worm. I don't think I have seen anything so funny in all my life.

Bless his heart.

And if you just want to see the worm and not the rest of the dance, fast-forward to minute 2:15.

AWKWARD!

noreply@blogger.com (Ali) — Tue, 19 May 2009 18:40:00 +0000

You must check out this site. You must.

AwkwardFamilyPhotos.com

Oops.

noreply@blogger.com (Ali) — Mon, 18 May 2009 15:10:00 +0000

Here's to hoping you aren't offended by redneck jokes.

noreply@blogger.com (Ali) — Sun, 17 May 2009 10:00:00 +0000

Redneck Weenie Roast:

Redneck Wheelchair:

Redneck Thanksgiving:

(if Norman Rockwell were a Redneck)

Letters to God

noreply@blogger.com (Ali) — Fri, 15 May 2009 10:00:00 +0000

A friend shared this link with me.

I tried to pick a favorite, but there are simply too many that make me smile and laugh out loud.

Jane's is not so much funny as it is sweet:

Dear God,
Instead of letting people die and having to make new ones, Why don't you just keep the ones you got now?

She's got a point there.

Enjoy.

Old is Old, Not Dumb!

noreply@blogger.com (Ali) — Thu, 14 May 2009 10:00:00 +0000

In honor of the two "older" folks who recently won Biggest Loser, I thought I'd share this email forward with you all.

A strong young man at a construction site was bragging that he could out-do anyone in a feat of strength. He made a special effort of making fun of the older workmen.

After a while, an older worker had enough. "Why don't you put your money where your mouth is," he said. "I'll bet a week's wages that I can haul something in a wheelbarrow over to that building that you won't be able to wheel back."

"You're on, old man." the braggart replied. "Let's see you do it".

The old man reached out and grabbed the wheelbarrow by the handles.

Then, nodding to the young man, he said, "All right, get in."

WIN ONE OF THESE:

noreply@blogger.com (Ali) — Wed, 13 May 2009 11:38:00 +0000

By clicking HERE.

Go now!

And you must admit, they are too cute for words.

Mom's - You deserve it!

noreply@blogger.com (Ali) — Sun, 10 May 2009 18:00:00 +0000

When you are a mother, you are never really alone in your thoughts. A mother always has to think twice, once for herself and once for her child.
- Sophia Loren

The moment a child is born, the mother is also born. She never existed before. The woman existed, but the mother, never. A mother is something absolutely new.
- Rajneesh

All mothers are working mothers.
- Unknown

God could not be everywhere and therefore he made mothers.
- Jewish Proverb

A man’s work is from sun to sun, but a mother’s work is never done.
- Unknown

There is only one pretty child in the world, and every mother has it.
- Chinese Proverb

Happy Mother's Day

noreply@blogger.com (Ali) — Sun, 10 May 2009 10:00:00 +0000

The Mom Test

I was out walking with my 4 year old daughter. She picked up something off the ground and started to put it in her mouth. I took the item away from her and I asked her not to do that.

'Why?' my daughter asked.

'Because it's been on the ground, you don't know where it's been, it's dirty, and it probably has germs all over it,' I replied.

At this point, my daughter looked at me in total admiration and asked, 'Momma, how do you know all this stuff? You are so smart.'

I was thinking quickly and told her, 'All moms know this stuff. It's on the Mom Test. You have to know it, or they don't let you be a Mom.'

We walked along in silence for 2 or 3 minutes, and it was evident that she was pondering this new information.

'Oh, I get it!' she finally beamed, 'So if you don't pass the test you have to be the Dad.'

'Exacty', I replied back with a big smile on my face.