A Light's On

Disturbing the Peace

2009-07-15T10:13:00.004+01:00

I woke up in the early hours of this morning, looked over and saw Ray's soft, sleepy face and knew everything was going to be all right. That the insanity of everyone else can't touch us. That this our time and we must enjoy it because we'll never have it again. The tears from the previous day were forgotten, the guilt that I'm ultimately going to be upsetting someone with my plans seeped away. I love Ray and he loves me and we want to spend the rest of our lives together.

Only four days into our engagement and my parents have gone a bit crazy with the idea of it. Not the idea of the marriage, but how Ray and I plan on doing the deed. We want to elope. We always have. Ever since I was a child I said I didn't want a big wedding, that I just wanted it to be my and husband and no one else. Of course Jem will be with us but she's like my twin so I can't really do very much without her tagging along ;) It's how it's always been with us. The thought that they're not going to witness the marriage has upset my parents. I suppose the reality of it is slightly different to the idea. They caused me a lot of upset last night.

I don't blame my parents for the way they feel. I understand completely. But I can't and won't change things just because they know how to make me feel guilty. And, to be honest, the way they went about it was extremely cruel and spiteful. Again, I understand that when you're upset you probably don't handle situations very well. I had a very long conversation with Daddy about it last night and I think everything's sorted now. I think the excitement got to their heads a bit and sent them a little insane.

All I can say is a big good luck to my two sisters who will follow me down this path to marriage one day. If this is what a little wedding does to our parents then I dread to think what a big wedding, like they two will probably have, will do to them ;)

FEELING: drained

Things That Sparkle

2009-07-13T10:26:00.003+01:00

I'm not sure if it's seen as the right thing to do to post pictures of your engagement ring online but I adore mine and want to share it :) Not only because it's so so pretty but because Ray picked this out all by himself. Yes, we'd discussed rings before and what would be nice as an engagement or wedding ring but he still chose this one without any help from me. And I think he got it just right :) Anyway, I'm only going to get engaged once so I'm going to enjoy every second of it hehe.

It's made of 9K white-gold. The band is really slim and dainty and so suits my skinny fingers. The crossed band-detailing immediately made me think of it representing Ray and I's love: the arms are each of us with the stone in the middle representing our love.

The stone is a 0.50K diamond. It's not too big and showy and it perfectly suits the size of the band. It also has a flat surface, which Ray says is one of the reasons he chose it because the others had a much more curved style.

And, finally, this is how it glistens in the sun/light. It's so shiny and pretty when the sun catches it. This is something Ray pointed out to me almost immediately - can you tell he'd been getting it out of the box to look at it a lot? ;)

And that is my engagement ring :)

The weekend has passed by in a blur of excited family visits and talks on the phone with my in-laws who don't live close enough to visit. Lots of staring at my ring and telling myself it really happened. I don't think it's sunk in yet hehe. And we had an Engagement Party BBQ at my parents house yesterday, which was really sweet :)

I'm so happy right now. I don't even care that I have to go back to the doctors this afternoon to see what the plan is now for my labyrinthitis (I'm assuming it'll just be a repeat prescription of my nausea tablets). For a moment we thought the proposal had cured me but it turned out it was just the rush of excitment but I had a good twenty-four hours where I didn't feel ill at all. I don't even care that I do still feel ill. I'm just so happy and loved-up :)

FEELING: loved

A Proposal

2009-07-11T15:31:00.001+01:00

FEELING: amazing

Sweepie Adventures

2009-07-10T10:28:00.003+01:00

Last night Sweepie came with Ray and I down the beach so that Ray could do some fishing and I could sit in a chair and read a book ;)

She had a lovely time, running around, exhausting herself. She absolutely loves the beach. Keeping her off it so that we could follow the safe path down to the sand was hard enough ;)

As always she loved the water. She ran straight in and went dashing out until the water reached her belly and she had to turn back and run excitedly back to me.

She then asked me to throw some stones for her to chase. I can't throw them very far because she's far too small to go out too deeply. Although I know she can swim if she has to she prefers to stay in the shallow end. (Plus I'm just a crap thrower hehe ;D).

In the end she sat down by my chair and played guard dog for the rest of our time there. Which meant barking at any one who walked over the path behind us and chasing any dogs that so much as looked at us ;) Thankfully everyone knows she's just a mouthy little princess who isn't at all viscious so they all took it in good humour.

Unfortunately, when we got home she came to show me she had a bad paw. She held it out to me with a sad little expression on her face. Turns out she's scratched just between the pads of her front right paw. It's all enflamed and sore and she's feeling very sorry for herself. She also hates having to have it bathed in salt water three times a day. Then she has to have aloe vera cream put on it, which she doesn't mind too much, because she then gets to eat it off once I'm done! So this morning I had to put her father's sock over it to keep her off it.

Have you ever seen anyone look this sad before? She is just too cute!

Hopefully this won't turn into anything nasty. Her Grandma is coming round to see her this weekend so she can check it out (Grandma is a vet-nurse). But I'm expecting a full recovery in the next couple of days. Until then she's going to milk it for all that it's worth ;)

FEELING: mumsy

Shopping Treats

2009-07-09T13:15:00.004+01:00

Last night I had a thought that depressed me. I wanted to go into town the following day (today) but Jem was going into work and I thought I couldn't go in on my own in fear of being poorly. That thought scared the hell out of me cos I am Miss Independent and I do what I want when I want and do not need other people there with me.

This morning I was feeling relatively well when Jem was about to head out to work so I tagged along. While she went to work I headed into town to face the crowds. I'd forgotten today was Market Day so it was even busier than I was expecting it to be. Crowds and noise really do make me feel worse. I took a deep breath and headed into Dorothy Perkins. What I wanted was a new dress but what I ended up buying was a pair of red ribbon-tie shoes. I absolutely adore them and spent a long time gushing on about them to the sales assistant ;)

I did try another shop to see if I could find a pair of jeans but the two I found didn't fit properly. I was looking pretty ill. The woman manning the doors at the changing rooms gave me a double-take - charming. I do go a lovely yellowy-pale colour with bruised-coloured eyes - super hot! ;) So I went onto the supermarket to pick up some chips and rolls and while there I found an adorable cute eco-bag that I just had to have. It's going to be perfect for times down the beach.

On the way out I picked up a small bouquet of flowers as one final treat for being brave and for not vomiting or passing out ;) I had to sit down for a bit before heading home but unless I'm lying down the symptoms do not pass on so I knew I just had to drag my bum home.

I'm going to rest up on the sofa for the rest of the day because tonight Ray is taking me and Sweepie down to the harbour. I haven't been out and about since I got ill. But as this morning has shown me: when I'm on my feet I feel ill and the tablets don't always help to ease that feeling; rather than sit around for however much longer this is going to last I'm just going to get on with it. I'll feel ill when I feel ill and I'll just have to put up with it. Not exactly a happy thought for me but that's just how it is now. It can't be changed and I refuse to stop my life for it.

FEELING: proud

one little chapter

2009-07-07T14:26:00.003+01:00

This is extremely good news and has made me very happy:

Fair enough, I now have to write lying almost horizontally, my feet hurt because I have to rest the laptop on my legs, which means I have to be on my tiptoes a lot of time. But the main thing is that, nauseas and dizzy as I was, I was able to actually write. I can't tell you how happy this one little chapter has made me. If I can still write then I can face any illness.

FEELING: hopeful

Labyrinthitis

2009-07-06T10:14:00.002+01:00

I've done a little research on my illness and found a really good site - Labyrinthitis.org.uk. It's run by two women who haven't actually been able to get rid of the disease. The problem is that Labyrinthitis can cause long-term damage to your inner ear, which can leave you feeling dizzy and nauseas for the rest of your life. Eek!

I'm not panicking yet, don't worry ;) I'm sure mine will clear up perfectly fine, as most people do. A lot of people say they suffer from congestion and popping ears, which I haven't suffered from at all so I'm quietly confident this thing will run its course and leave me alone again. Looks as though I could be waiting another week, though. I'm on day eleven now.

The doctor told me "about two weeks" but it can last up to eight weeks. My tablets won't run out for another week and so because all the doctor can really do is just give me more to relieve the symptoms I'm going to wait until next week to go back. Of course, if I start getting worse or if I have to up the dose (I'm currently averaging about two a day but I can go up to three) then obviously I'll go back sooner. But really all I can do is sit back and wait.

Now that the tennis is over I have a feeling I'll very quickly lose my mind sitting on this sofa all day.

FEELING: bored

I Get High

2009-07-03T20:35:00.002+01:00

Things aren't much better. But at least when I take a tablet I can feel mostly-normal for a couple of hours.

I have to admit to feeling a little worried now. This has been going on for over a week with no sign of it diminishing. The symptoms are so flakey that I can't even begin to imagine what could be the problem. Of course, it could all be a melodramatic reaction to a teeny tiny ear infection but for the fact that the doctor said my ears were perfectly fine.

At least the tablets are fun. I get a little high off them. I took two yesterday (still not up to three, which I'm taking as a good sign) and went shopping shortly after the second dose. I walked round the shop in a state of blissful ignorance to everything around me. The edges of my vision were blurry. I then found the fact that both Ray and I had estimated our shopping bill to be five pound less than it was extremely hilarious. So there are up sides to this illness ;)

Through my headaches and dizziness I've watched Lleyton Hewitt lose out at Wimbledon. That made me really sad cos he's always been my favourite. I know it's wrong of me and not at all patriotic but I'm glad Andy Murray lost today. I just don't like the boy. He's just too high on himself for my liking; he needed to lose. The final is now Federer and Roddick. I like both so I'll have to wait and see who I end up favouring on Sunday.

But aside from lying on the sofa playing Halo 2 I really haven't done much else. The tablets help me be able to take Sweepie for a walk and she's super happy in the sunshine. But I'm really not up to doing anything else, not even visiting. I've had an extremely boring and poorly-feeling week. I can only hope that next week sees some improvements. If not, I promise to dope myself up and do funny things during the high ;)

FEELING: sleepy

End Reprise

2009-07-01T13:31:00.003+01:00

Turns out it was only a slight reprise and I got sicker still yesterday.

I started feeling nauseas late Monday night and by the morning I was no better. Within an hour of being up and about I was dizzy again and it remained that way for the whole of the rest of the day. After much nagging, I agreed I'd go to the doctors.

So this morning I got up, showered, nearly vomited several times, nearly passed out on the walk over - had to use Jem as a crutch one time! I wasn't very hopeful. Doctors are usually pretty crap with illnesses that can't be treated with antibiotics. But I'm glad to say I was proved wrong. The doctor took my blood pressure, checked my heart rate (racing due to anxiety, which she was very understanding about), I had to follow her finger to make sure I was focusing okay; she then checked my ears and they looked fine. She even listened to my heart to make sure that even though it was racing (125 beats apparently) it sounded okay. She explained that in people my age it's usually an inner ear problem that causes these symptoms and that unfortunately all I can really do is lie down and wait it out. I did complain that I was missing the heatwave ;) She's given me some tablets to help with the nausea. But if I'm not better in a week I'm to go back and they'll send me for blood tests. She's sure it'll pass, that it's not likely to be something like aneamia because it came on so suddenly, but that it could take as long as two weeks to go.

I'm not too happy that there's no definitive answer as to what's wrong with me but I already knew that diagnosing symptoms like nausea and dizziness is extremely difficult. I've just to go wait it out now. I don't know what I'll do if I'm still ill once Wimbledon has finished cos what will I have to watch then? ;)

So if I'm awol for a couple of days then it'll be because sitting at the laptop is making me feel worse. I'm on the sofa now, keeping myself relaxed and not multi-tasking, as that seems to make the dizziness worse. Honestly, everthing takes so much longer when you do them one at a time ;) Wish me a speedy recovery! ;)

FEELING: dizzy

Reasons For Being Ill

2009-06-29T10:42:00.002+01:00

At last I am feeling better! I've been ill all weekend and was starting to think I was never going to get well again.

I still have no idea what was wrong. I was nauseas and had a bad stomach all day Friday. Saturday I woke up feeling a bit better and thought I might be on the mend. By the afternoon I was falling over all over the place and had a killer headache. I never get headaches so maybe this wasn't an extremely bad one to normal people but to me it was agony. So bad I had to take painkillers, which I usually refuse to take. By the time it got late I thought I was better again only for me to feel really sick before bed again! Sunday the falling over got even worse. Just walking across the room was making me nearly faint! But by the time evening came by I was feeling better again...

And today... Well, so far I'm doing good. I haven't fallen over, haven't gone dizzy, and do not feel sick. So I'm going to go out on a limb and say I'm better. I'm going to take it easy, though, not get excited and start cleaning or gardening just yet ;) Do you know how many times I've been asked if I could be pregnant this weekend? Too many to remember. For the record, if I am then by the laws of biology it has to have happened during the last week, which means my body would be reacting to something that has barely even begun. Which is highly unlikely, if not physically impossible (I've never heard of women getting this ill this quick, have you?), plus, we are very careful so it is pretty much not possible. I just love how when you're at my age, in a serious relationship, if you get ill the first thing people ask is, Are you pregnant?. I feel like I'm letting everyone down!

Anyway, I'm feeling better today so I may stop moping around about missing Take That now ;) I'm going to spend the afternoon catching up with everyone online, watching tennis and basically taking it easy so my body has time to fully heal before I throw it back into the usual routine of my daily life. I hope everyone else had a much better weekend than I did!

FEELING: better

Disappointed

2009-06-26T15:08:00.002+01:00

Scrap everything I said yesterday. These next couple of days are going to suck.

I woke up this morning at 4am feeling very sick with a bad stomach. It kept coming in waves, getting worse every time. At 6am I tried a shower to see if that would make me feel better. It only made me worse. I had to lie on the bed for the next half an hour just to recover. I was desperate to see Take That, so I dragged my butt into the car and went up to Mammy's house, sure I'd feel better once I got moving. But I was wrong. As we pulled in I felt even worse and had to turn-tail and go home.

I've spent the day on the sofa, trying not to move too much, while Mammy and Jem have gone up to Manchester to see Take That :( It was a tough decision but I knew that the five-hour ride up in the car would kill me and then the three hour wait in the queue before the doors opened, added onto the four hours after that until Take That came on stage... Knowing I made the right decision isn't much comfort to me now, though.

I'm going to curl up on the sofa again and try to keep my temperature down. Because as for what's wrong with me I have no idea. I seem to have a bad throat, bad ear, aching joints, coupled with a woozy-feeling that's making me feel nauseas. Why oh why couldn't it have held off one more day? The only good thing about the last twenty-four hours was the massive thunderstorm we had last night that seemed to last all night.

FEELING: crushed

Off We Go

2009-06-25T15:45:00.004+01:00

I've had a busy couple of days.

I completed the first book of my new novella series. I want one last read-through and then I'm allowing it to be read by others (Jem and Ray get first reads and then I'll decide where it goes from there). I have also revamped my Joe Absolom site. It's not much different. I just changed a few things around so that updating would be easier for me. Next I'll have to sort out my writing site. I have managed to catch all of Lleyton Hewitt and Andy Roddick's matches at Wimbledon. And I've cleaned the house from top to bottom. So all in all I'm feeling quite pleased.

Now I'm off to see Take That. Which means no thinking coherently for another forty-eight hours. Sounds fantastic to me :)

Have a great couple of days... I know I will ;)

FEELING: hyper

Explosions & Sexapades

2009-06-24T09:11:00.002+01:00

Yesterday afternoon a can of mousse exploded under my desk!

Lucikly, I'd just finished my writing for the day so my attention was back in the real world. I heard a hissing sound first and then a strong scent of mousse. I knew immediately what it was because for the past few days I've been wondering how hot it has to get to make a can explode.

There's shelves under my desk but the mousse is too tall to fit on one so I just leave it standing upright next to the shelves. Only the space under the desk is quite small so it has to sit next to my adapter-plug for the laptop. The adapter gets extremely hot. In winter months I warm my feet on it but, of course, it's summer now so the room is that much hotter. Hot adapter coupled with extremely hot day and bam! you get exploded mousse can.

Is anyone else watching Joe Absolom's new show Personal Affairs? I'm quite enjoying it :) I know I may sound surprised but that's because I am. Often Joe's shows can be a little on the lame side. He was doing one of the girl's up against the wall of a lift in one of his first scenes ;)

And, no, that's just not just why I like it (but it certainly helps ;D). I have to screencap that scene for the site. Ahh it's a hard life ;) If you can, you should try and watch the show. The story is certainly not very original, neither are the characters, but I think it's put together in an orginal way, at least. As long as you're not looking for something serious you should like it :) Plus you get to see Joe Absolom, who is such a cutie. I'm such a sucker for blue-eyed boys ;)

FEELING: silly

There Is No Order

2009-06-23T12:03:00.003+01:00

I had a meltdown with my Epson Stylus DX7450 printer yesterday afternoon. You know, when the machine just won't work and in the end it literally drives you to tears? Just like that!

I bought ink for it - completely compatible ink that had the exact code on it was meant to - and even though the printer acknowledged it was in there it would not print with it. All my documents came out white. I cleaned the heads, etc. but that didn't help. And in cleaning and then printing a test page out after every clean it ran out one of my coloured inks and, bam! that was it. The printer now refuses to print anything - even though I've set it to just print black - until I replace the empty colour cartridge. The printer very nearly ended up on the pavement outside, having been dropped from a very high place. I've given up with it. It looks as though we'll have to fork out £30 for the official Epson ink catridges. Which we can't really afford :/ But without the ink I can't print out "Soul Mates" to send off to publishers to try and get published. Grr.

So to cheer myself up I went looking for a Transformers 2/Shia wallpaper. There are none out there! Have people stopped making wallpapers? Where are all the artistic fan girls? There used to be tons! In the end I had to splice two wallpapers together from this Shia site, to make this:

Yummy, no? ;)

I'm thinking of disabling the comments on here. I've always had this weird thing about comments. It's like, do I really want to invite people I don't know to make comments about the tiny parts of my life I talk about on here? I know I've made some great friends through the comments but I really don't these days. It's like the less people comment the more happier I am. Therefore I have to ask myself why do I leave the comments up? It used to be a vanity thing. How many people are reading my blog? Now I'm almost scared by how many people are (yes, I know you're out there; I have the stats). I like it that you silent people don't comment, so don't feel I'm trying to out you; stay quiet and give me peace of mind ;) I think I probably will disable them. I never had them on any of my previous sites and really only added them on here cos they were a new toy I could play with ;) Anyway, the emails right there if someone really feels riled up and wants to shout at me or congratulate me or just have whine ;)

Really these posts have become so rambling and uncordinated lately, haven't they? I think I need some order back in my blogging! I just have no discipline ;)

FEELING: boiling

Excitement!

2009-06-22T09:17:00.005+01:00

This weekend has been a fun one :)

I spent all day Saturday back in my granny-in-law's garden ripping up dead lawn and raking up dead leaves. It was exhausting work. But it looks really good now. A bit bare cos it needs plants but it's definitely more garden-shaped now ;) We showed her some pictures yesterday and she said she didn't recognise it, which I think means we did a great job ;) Ray's got some heavy-lifting to do next. Proper man-work of clearing away the bricks. So I think the next time I'll be needed will be to help put up the fencing and to do the planting.

In the evening we treated ourselves to see the new Transformers film. It was so good. Bigger and louder than the first one - as sequels always are - but still a really good story. I found it quite traumatising at times. I want to go again, naturally ;) But I've already promised Ray (and Daddy & Mammy) that we'll go and see Terminator next this week.

Yesterday I was treated to a few video clips of Take That's tour and, well, the inevitible happened. Mammy and Jemma were planning on going again to see them and so I piped up that I'd like to go, too. Mammy wanted to buy me the ticket as a birthday present (I didn't get a present this year cos Daddy was out of work at the time of my birthday), and Ray told me off for not going the first time - that him missing out on seeing Coheed was completely different to me not seeing Take That. That my love for Take That was like his love for Halo and he hadn't missed out on any Halo releases. Seriously, I have the best boyfriend in the world ♥ So this morning Jem bought us three tickets to see Take That in Manchester at the end of this week! :D We three always end up in Manchester with this band! I can't wait!

Yesterday, of course, was also Father's Day. I made Daddy a really funny present. Because he was meant to be going on a hot-air balloon ride on Friday (it was postponed because of the weather), I made him a mini-version and stuffed the basket with a compass, whistle and torch so that if he got lost while on his real balloon ride he'd be able to find his way to safety again ;)

It's been a busy-mad-fun-hot-tiring-exciting-unexpected weekend :D And wimbledon starts today, which means I'll have disrubted couple of weeks ahead of me ;) But there'll be no Nadal :(

FEELING: hyped

What Others Have

2009-06-18T09:00:00.003+01:00

Tuesday was my first night back at home since Friday. It was also the night Jem and Mammy went to see Take That down in Cardiff.

It was a stadium gig, which I'm not keen on. Granted, I've never been to a stadium gig but the size of it and the price of stadium tickets always puts me off. Just before Christmas last year Ray had to miss out on seeing his favourite band perform their last ever gig down in London because we simply couldn't afford it. The tickets themselves weren't too much but the trip down to London and his days off work would have crippled us. He decided we wouldn't go. Literally weeks later Take That announced their stadium tour with their overly-priced tickets. I didn't think it fair that Ray miss out and then I go off and see my favourite band. I've seen Take That many times before and plan on seeing them many times again so I didn't mind missing out this one time. Jem came home with lots of stories (and I'm to hear Mammy's on Friday, I think) and photos. Sounds like it was a good one. As if a Take That show could ever be bad?! I actually surprised myself by not minding the fact that I missed it. Probably because I know (hope) there's a tour to follow and hopefully that will be back in arenas :)

That same evening was yummy and warm so Ray and I celebrated being home by eating our tea in the garden. I twisted his arm and made us a nice pot of tea for afterwards, which we also enjoyed in the garden ;) It was nice to sit in our own garden, feet up on Ray's lap, discussing where we think we'll be in a year's time. A lot of our talk is of houses at the moment. Neither of us can decide on an area yet. I think we'll let the potential houses speak for themselves when the time comes.

Last night when we went shopping Ray bought me a super cute notebook. I had to pick one up for Jem for her work and, well, me in a stationary aisle is not pretty. I was leaping from one side to the next, exclaiming this was perfect and this I just had to have or else die! ;) "Can I have this?" I kept asking. Not because I need Ray's permission, not even because I don't have the money myself, it's just that I have this rule where if money goes in the bank I am not allowed to then spend it on fruitless things like stationary. It's supposed to be savings, only touched if it's someone's birthday or Christmas presents are needed. So to keep my money safe, and to stop me from having to choose, Ray found a cute notebook on the sale (only £1!!) and popped it on the trolley. Now that's love for you ;)

Adorable isn't it? I just have to decide what to use it for now ;)

So what have these few days taught me? That I really enjoy being back in my own home, but everyone feels that way, don't they? What they really taught me was that I don't mind my sister having things I can't have until it comes to stationary then I just turn into a green-eyed monster ;) Hehehehe.

FEELING: excited

Ground Force & Grassy Noses

2009-06-16T10:25:00.005+01:00

Last night I gave up the opportunity to watch the more recent episodes of "The Hills" on MTV to go all Ground Force on my granny-in-law's garden again.

Did anyone used to watch that show? Basically people send a member of their family out for the day and while they're out Ground Force come in and revamp their gardens. Usually they'd take all the grass up and replace it with chippings, which I was never a fan of, but there would always be tears when the family member returned.

So Ray and I sent his gran off on an elaborate week away from the house - to get her foot reconstructed - so that we could redo her garden ;) Hehehe, yeah right! But that's the kind of silly reason people would give to get rid of their family member's. Anyway, I had no shoes with me - just my heels - so Ray found me some big industrial boots to wear. Now, please, check your vanity at the door...

I'd just like to point out that although I am wearing the gloves in the picture when we got outside Ray took them ;) While he cleared away the foilage (from when the hedge had been cut down - it's midway to completion at the moment), I got rid of all the rubbish. I cleared a lovely square patch right outside the door, washed down the outside table and chairs and arranged them so that they could used by Ray's gran when she's able to hop out the back again. I cleared away the strip outside the shed and placed the potted plants in a line. I also tore up more of the weeds. All the shovelling has left me with spasming muscle pains in my lower back but, hey, it was fun! It's nowhere near finished yet but it was more than enough work so that when we stopped at 10:15pm we could actually see the progress we'd made.

I think we're going back to finish it this weekend. I think that's the plan. Ray's not good with plans so who knows when it'll happen ;)

Oh! And Sweepie went to the vets last night and they decided not to knock her out to try and flush the piece of grass out. Because she'd perked up so much and was no longer sneezing as often they said to just leave her for a couple of days and see if it came out on its own. She was given antibiotics to stop infection. On the drive home, she started sneezing, I turned to soothe her and saw a piece of grass sticking out of her nose! I had to pull it out... EW! It was really icky, especially when I saw the length on it!

It's a bit dried up now so it looks a lot smaller but when it came out it looked huge! Naturally, I've kept it and am showing everyone! ;) I'm just so relieved it's out now. She's on her antibiotics now but is already nearly completely herself again. Yay! :)

FEELING: happy

Mad Weekends

2009-06-15T10:22:00.004+01:00

I've spent the weekend at my granny-in-law's, looking after the dogs. She went into hospital last week for reconstruction work on her foot and since being released has gone to stay at one of her other daughter's houses during her recuperation period. There was no one able to be at her home this weekend so Ray and I went down to keep the dog's occupied.

It has to have been one of the busiest weekends in a long time!

There's been so much toing and froing between four houses - this house, Ray's gran's house, his aunt's house and my parents'. Ray has been dropping me off back here on his way to work so that I could be with Sweepie while Martha was out at the groomers. Then we zip back to his gran's house, before going off to his aunt's house to visit his gran.

Sunday was a gloriously hot day. We spent the morning cheering on Ray's mother at the Race For Life. After a drink down the pub Ray and I headed back to his gran's and started to tackle her back garden. I don't think it's been tackled in a while cos there was so much work to do. I was very proud when I stepped back and realised I had cleared the weeds away to reveal the patio pavings! It was exhausting work, though. I am so not made for manual labour. I am so unfit! It's embarrassing, it really is.

I went home to see my parents and they made us a BBQ :) I love summers for Daddy's BBQs! And Ray's mother had known we'd be having a BBQ (it's like: it's sunny Ys's parents will be doing a BBQ ;D) so really kindly offered to come back to Ray's gran's house to feed the dogs for us so we wouldn't have to rush back :)

Unfortunately while I was making my way down to my parents' house, Sweepie somehow inhaled a piece of grass up her nose and now cannot get it out. She was sneezing so hard she was bringing on nose bleeds. I hated leaving her last night :( She's still bleeding today when she sneezes so we're taking her to vets when Ray gets back from work so they can flush it out. My Poor baby. She's not very brave, either.

I'll be back at the in-laws tonight and then from tomorrow morning onwards I'm home again. But then of course I'm off Friday to my parents' house for the night for some dog-sitting! At least my family are keeping me in jobs ;)

FEELING: worried

Doggy Beach Days

2009-06-12T10:59:00.002+01:00

This morning Jem and I took the dogs down the beach.

It's a grey day, a little bit of drizzle falling now and again - so perfect weather for the dogs. If it's too hot they won't even make it to the beach and if it's too wet then they won't enjoy themselves. Martha is going to the groomers tomorrow so this was her treat before she gets cleaned up properly.

Sweepie didn't used to like water of any kind. She used to shake and worry when we took her down to the sea. Then, after spending a week with Martha, going down the beach nearly every day, she was cured of her phobia. Now I can't keep her out of the stuff! Even if she sees a pond she goes straight in! She and Martha now have a great time playing together in the water.

This time, however, she had a bit of a fright. The sea was on its way out so it was sucking backwards while simultaneously throwing forward waves that were quite deep. Sweepie, happy as anything, was out in the water playing when she got swamped by a big wave. The poor little thing had to swim, which I didn't even know she could do! It wasn't so deep that I needed to panic but it did go right over her back, drenching her.

Martha, on the other hand, was her usual loud-mouth self. She pretty much woke up everyone within a five mile radius with her continuous barking. What is she asking for? She wants us to either go in the sea with her or else throw her toys to play with. I don't know how she doesn't make herself hoarse!

But she always has a lot of fun. Embarrassing us, playing in the water, making lots of noise. She got completely drenched and was very happy with that fact ;)

I think it was a great way to start the day :) I honestly can't imagine my life without having the animals in it.

FEELING: positive

Normal Me

2009-06-10T20:24:00.002+01:00

Today I feel really happy. Don't you love them days when you just feel happy and light and not at all stressed about anything?

I'm sure it being Me Day probably helped with the mood. I have this weird thing where I love taking myself off on my own somewhere - even if it's just shopping, which it was today. I just seem to be more confident when I'm on my own. Is it simply because I know whatever happens I have to deal with it myself? I'm not sure. Whatever the reason, when the woman in the bank asked me if I wanted a quick interview to review my account I said yes. Me - the person who hates talking to people I don't know; the person who especially hates interviews when I don't know what the outcome will be. But off I popped, calm as can be. Me and the woman talked about jobs, dog-sitting, breeding dogs, mobile phones and holidays in France. Sometimes when I'm nervous (or excited) I'll talk non-stop at about a hundred miles per hour but it wasn't that kind of talking. It was like how normal people speak. Just making small talk, being polite and sharing stories.

I'm not sure if that was the reason why she gave me a credit card. Me, who has no proper job and hardly any money left in my bank account. Maybe on her computer screen it said if I acted normal I should be rewarded with what normal people have - credit ;) It has a ridiculous limit on it but it's not like I'm going to use it. It's sort of like a bumper for if something breaks and we need to get it fixed asap and don't have the funds up front. Still, I was very impressed with my calmness, my chattiness and that in this crazy world someone without a job can have a credit card ;)

The rest of the day went just as well. The sun came out so I got to lunch outside. I wrote lots, had chips from the chip shop for tea, and spent the evening walking the dogs (Sweepie had to be fished out of the pond!) and hanging out in the garden. All said: a great day :)

FEELING: happy

Old Flames

2009-06-09T11:00:00.005+01:00

Remember my little obsession with The Hills? Well, I just found out that E4 are playing it in the mornings. So while I'd usually be bumming around online waiting for Jem to get ready to walk the dogs, I can now indulge in my guilty pleasure.

Just the music takes me right back to those dog-sitting days, waiting for the garden to warm up from the sun. I'd watch The Hills all morning and then take a book outside to read in the garden all afternoon. Me and the dog used to curl up together and watch the happenings going on in LA. I sort of miss those days. I seriously need a dog-sitting job. If only so I can catch up on all The Hills episodes I've missed between then and now ;)

Haven't they decided to end the show? I can't remember now. I completely fell out of the loop with it.

I love how this blog can go from a politcal rant to the whys and wherefores of a show like The Hills. This is what my life is really like: serious one minute and completely ridiculous the next. And that's just how I like it :)

FEELING: girlie

Life in Wales

2009-06-08T08:56:00.004+01:00

Bloody hell, Wales, what the hell is wrong with you? The Tories? Couldn't you have just all shifted to Plaid?

(Plaid Cymru are the Welsh party, as in they are only in operation in Wales.) Labour have not lost in Wales since 1918 so this was quite a coo for the Tories. And there's nothing worse than a smug Tory ;) No, really, I'm not that concerned. Barely anyone voted, which means a lot of the Labour voters stayed at home (I have two in my own family - Mammy, Daddy, I'm very disappointed in you for not voting!), and the European Elections never ever show any kind of forecast for the general election. But I still went to sleep last night feeling really glum. Although Ray really isn't into politics that much he very kindly hopped out of bed and battled with the ariel so that I could watch the results come in live. So while he slept on my stomach I tutted and sighed my way through the results show.

Aside from politics the weekend has been really nice. Having Ray home is fantastic :) I can't say we've done much but that's the whole point isn't it? ;) We did manage to all go out Saturday night for food and drinks and then returned home to watch "Dogma" (remind me to make a post about that film and religion in this world), which is a favourite of all of ours. It was sort of like the last day of our holiday. All me and Jem have done all week is hang out down the beach and the pub and watch a lot of DVD's, so we ingratiated Ray into that for one last night.

Ray's gran has had some surgery on her foot so we spent a lot of the weekend in the hospital. Hopefully she's coming home today, which will make her much happier cos she does not like being in the hospital. I have managed to go into the hospital three times this weekend and not once have a panic attack. Brought back all the memories, though. Yuk. I do not want to start back down that path of memory lane. It is not a happy one. Just seeing the mark on her hand from her drip was enough to set me off on flashbacks. Funny how the brain does that, isn't it? One little thing can set it off.

Anyway, like I say, I'm not remeniscing about my own surgery. It's done. I'm letting my annoyance over the election results overshadow everything ;) Hopefully Ray will come back early today from work been as he sort of promised me he'd have a three-day weekend when he got back from France. If not I'm going to start work on Olimpia Valley, which is extremely exciting cos it's been a work-in-progress for even longer than "Soul Mates"! I've almost been scared to tackle the re-write but this week I will.

So although the holidays may be over at least Ray's home again ;)

FEELING: thoughtful

Politics

2009-06-05T09:39:00.004+01:00

I hope everyone who could vote yesterday did. I can't stand it when people don't vote and still think they should have a say in how the country's run. If you don't vote you don't get a say! ;)

In Britain there are two parties. The Conservatives (Torys) who cater for the rich people, and Labour (currently in power) who cater for the rest of us. For those who don't know Labour have been in power since 1997 after an extremely dismal decade spent under the Torys. What I learned from my childhood is that you never ever trust a Tory politician. I watched my parents struggle with money throughout my childhood. Tony Blair came along when I was getting into politics so I suppose I can thank him for shaping some of my beliefs. I am a Labour voter. And I am proud of it.

In recent weeks all we've heard about is the scandal of MP's claiming more money back than they're actually entitled to. In actual fact they've been fiddling the books so that they make money off things they're just meant to claim back as expenses. For some reason - and this I really do not understand - the people of Great Britain are surprised by these revelations. They're surprised and outraged! I mean, these guys are politicians, people renowned for being dodgy. It's politics - it's dirty and sleazy, with deals being made here and there to save so and so's butt and to change that policy to help him or her. Is that right? No, certainly not. But has this only come about since Labour came into power? Don't be so bloody ridiculous! Politics has been corrupt since the dawn of time.

As always, the oppposition party (this time the Torys) have jumped on it and fed into the media - and therefore every home in Britain - that they were never practising such shoddy values and anyone caught in their party has been sacked immediately. Of course, the fact that most of the MP's getting sacked have come from the Tory party seems to have passed the public by. The Torys say it's Labour's fault and because we're in this economic crisis (still hate that phrase by the way!) the public just want another excuse to pin all problems of the world on the party in power. Maybe that's their right. Maybe as the party in charge of this country Labour should have saved the world from this economic crisis, maybe they should not have helped poor people (my family included) to think we can have better, more. Should not have let us all borrow more money than we could afford to pay for things that made us feel rich and important. But if they'd have not done that then they would not have stayed in power. And that's not what politics is about. And if they'd have tried to stop it they'd have been accused of interfering in our lives - how dare they tell us what we can and cannot do? If we want to buy houses we can't afford to pay for, rack up thousands of pounds of debt on the credit cards*, go on holidays we can't afford - why, that's our choice, and when that choice sends us spiralling back down into Poorsville we can blame the party in power. Because they're meant to keep everything safe and warm and rich and powerful.

Unfortunately the world doesn't work that way. Politics doesn't work that way. The Labour party have this fault that they always give the people what they want. You see it every year, some trumped up idea created by the media that the people jump on board with and, bam, before you know it it's passed through parliment. You can't have everything you asked for and then complain when it all falls down on top of your head. Only you can cos that's how politics works ;)

Now I'm assuming Labour will fair poorly in these European elections. If you've always been a Tory voter, were swayed by their policies, etc., then that's fine. If you have strong political views on their party being best for you then I think that's great. What really riles me is when people follow what the media tell them to. When they're using the expenses scandal as an excuse to vote against Labour - hello, they're politicans, all parties are involved and have been since the dawn of politics! - when they say they're "sending a message to the government". What message is that? That you'd like some racist BNP MP in Brussels speaking on your behalf? That you honestly think the Lib Dem's would have any clue what to do if they actually got into power?

Politics is an infuriating thing. But it's also fascinating. I love how everyone has different beliefs, how they can debate. I'm just enthralled by it. So my point is: if you vote please vote for what you believe in not what you're told to beleive in by the media. Do just a little bit of research before putting a cross in the box.

Also, if you Brits bring the Torys into power in the next general election and they scrap all these new-home deals for first-time-buyers and that means I'm stuck here never able to afford to get out then I will personally force every single one of you to buy a copy of my book so that I can become rich and therefore be able to fully enjoy a Tory party in power ;)

* I do not own a credit card and never have. I do not get stuff on credit. I live within my means, as I was raised to.

FEELING: silly

Rambling This & That

2009-06-02T09:04:00.003+01:00

Yesterday stalled a bit. I did a trip to town but apart from that the day was a bit of a wasted one. All I really accomplished was finishing off The Inbetweeners DVD. Seriously, the first episode of series 2 - "The Field Trip" - is the funniest thing ever. If you have not seen this programme yet get the DVD pronto.

Today I believe there are plans to actually make it down the beach ;) I hope so, anyway. Jem's too ill to eat out but we're hoping for a couple of drinks instead. Is there anything better than walking along a boiling hot beach and then cooling off in the pub with drinks that have ice-cubes piled right up to the top of your glass? I think not ;)

I spoke to Ray on the phone last night, which was nice, cos we've been talking via text the rest of the time. It was nice to say goodnight properly. Although I think I did wake him up... oops! I went up later than usual cos I was watching Little Miss Sunshine - a really good film, by the way. I love indie-feel films like this one! And the ending saw me with my hands over my mouth in shock! Not many films can make me do that ;) The shock soon turned to giggles. Anyway, for some reason Virgin aren't charging me for texting Ray even though he's in another country. It seems my free text messages stretch to France, too. The phone call charged, but I talked to him for five minutes and it only cost 80p, so bargains all round! Not that we're in touch much. Just to say good morning and good night, where he reassures me hasn't cut any limbs off or fallen off the side of a mountain ;)

I feel I should talk about how I'm coping without Ray being here but it's so like I expected there's not really much to tell. I'm missing him, as I knew I would; the bed is very empty without him in it (although the fact that my room has to be the hottest is just typical in this weather - when Ray gets back we're going to cook in that bed together!). There's times I'm pining badly but that's only when I'm on my own or else doing something we usually do together (keep it clean!). So really it's as I expected it would be. I'm the sensible type and know he'll be home in a few days time so I know not to get silly over it too often. Yes, I miss him like crazy, but I will survive it. And, like I said in the previous post, it feels great to miss him, like it has every other time we've been apart. If I wasn't missing him I'd be worried ;)

Now off to the beach we go! ;)

FEELING: sleepy

The Return

2009-06-01T08:41:00.002+01:00

A quick additional entry to explain why I haven't updated the blog all week. Blogger took a dislike to those blogs on external domains (other than Blogspot). The FTP wasn't working hence why I couldn't update. After much complaining and getting irate I finally worked it out with my own webhost who sorted the problem for me. Yay! :)

Ray left for France yesterday morning. I shed some tears. Then Jem and I went for a gorgeous walk along the beach, our feet in the sea. We continued up and around the lake until we reached the pub where we had a couple of drinks, an impromptu lunch and found a Lions rugby match to watch. I had nightmares all night about killer bears and drowning off the The Gower coast ;)

Today is another gloriously hot day. I think the plan is probably to wander down the beach again - it would be criminal not to take advantage of it being on our doorstep in this weather. So, so far, yes, I'm missing Ray like crazy, but on the quiet I think I'm quite enjoying missing him.

FEELING: warm