Maybe you’re feeling some crushing self-doubt, a dose of financial insecurity, a sprinkle of heartache, a smattering of feelings of isolation, and perhaps even a dash of complete mental and emotional breakdown.

You might even say you’re in a crisis, or even, since we’re talking about this, a quarter life crisis.

I get it. I’ve been there, personally, and I’ve worked with thousands of people who have been there too. So take a deep breath, settle back in your chair, and set all those stressful feelings aside, at least for the moment. You’re in the right place.

In this guide, I’m going to share everything I know about quarter life crises. We’re going to talk about the definition of a quarter life crisis. We’ll diagnose whether you’re in one in the first place. And finally, I’m going to share all the tips, tricks, and methods I’ve learned from getting one masters degree, writing four books, teaching thousands of people, and experiencing just about every life train wreck possible in my twenties.

One thing I should mention before we begin: This is a good guide. Maybe even a great guide. I’m really proud of it, to be honest.

But there’s only so much we can cover in 2,500 words on a website. So if you need more help, you should get my book, 101 Secrets for Your Twenties. Or my other book, 101 Questions You Need to Ask In Your Twenties. And while you’re there, you could also grab my book 25 Lies Twentysomethings Need to Stop Believing. (Listen, I’ve written a lot of books involving numbers and twenty-somethings in crisis. They’re all great though. I promise. You should get them. Read them. Put them under your pillow and let their happy words sing you to sleep at night. You’ll be happy you did.)

Alright, enough of that. Let’s get started, shall we?

Quarter Life Crisis Definition

First, what is a quarter life crisis, anyway. Here’s my definition:

Quarter Life Crisis definition:A period of uncertainty experienced in your 20s and 30s as you’re crippled with anxiety, fear, and an identity crisis over the direction and quality of your life.

Yes, this quarter-life crisis definition sounds pretty daunting.

But I’d argue that a quarter life crisis is not only common and experienced by millions of people, it could also be the best thing to happen to you.

Heck, in my own life, a quarter-life crisis is solely responsible for me becoming an author and using my writing and speaking to help thousands of people.

Countless people are facing the same lost feeling you may be facing today.

So hang in there. You’re going to survive this and come out stronger. That’s not just an overused cliche. It’s the darn truth, okay?

But first, are you really going through a quarter life crisis? Let’s take a look at the checklist below and see if this describes your experience.

The Quarter Life Crisis Checklist: 25 Signs You’re Going Through a Quarter Life Crisis

If you’re wondering if you’re really in a quarter life crisis, here are a few things that might be true for you. Count how many describe your situation and keep track of your score for the end.

1. You glare at your cat in the morning as you get ready for work and say, “Gosh, I wish I had your life.”

2. “Am I ever going to feel like myself again?” Is something you ask. Every day.

3. A Harry Styles or Matt Maeson song comes on and you start crying. By yourself, or around friends. Or in the middle of a coffeeshop as strangers slowly usher their children away.

4. You don’t think life feels like it’s “supposed to.” At one point, you thought you’d have your life pretty much figured out by your early twenties, or at the latest, by your late twenties.

Now you’re scrolling through Instagram wondering why all your friends are experiencing the success you were supposed to.

Quick bonus secret here from my best-selling book 101 Secrets For Your Twenties: “Life will never feel like it’s supposed to.”

Because what the heck is “supposed to”? Who holds the blueprint for my life—down to the number of kids, salary, and size of my house? Who decides what “supposed to” means?

“Supposed to” is a lie. A fairy tale. It is the stealer of peace and productivity. It is the leading cause of Obsessive Comparison Disorder with everyone who “has it better.”

No one has it all figured out. No one holds their first child with all the answers. Not many walk right into their passion from the graduation stage. Not everyone gets married like they’re “supposed to” or climbs the corporate ladder full of broken rungs.

If we keep trying to live other people’s lives, who is going to live ours?

5. You’re reading this article right now because you Googled: “Quarter Life Crisis?”

6. Visualizing yourself 15 years from now doing your boss’s job makes you throw up a little in your mouth.

8. Your monthly routine of expenses being greater than your income is dawning on you as a serious problem.

9. The feeling, “There’s got be more to life than this,” occurs to you several times per week at least.

10. One or more of the following describes your life: 

A. You’ve moved six times in the last four years.

B. You’ve had six jobs in the last four years.

C. You’ve had six boyfriends in the last four years.

D. You’ve had six girlfriends in the last four years.

E. You’ve had no boyfriends/girlfriends in the last six years and you’re scared your boyfriending or girlfriending is broken.

11. You’d pay top dollar for a moment of clarity where you would know exactly what to do in your situation.

12. You feel like you’re being crushed by either anxiety, unemployment, or just crippling student loan debt — you know, like most Millennials these days.

13. Your part-time, temporary job at Starbucks has lasted six months two and ½ years.

14. You binge on buying brand names to try and cover up your current situation that you’re broke.

15. You find yourself repelled and compelled by church at the same time. You ask God for help one day and then you’re yelling at him the next. Your faith is a roller coaster and you’re pretty sure your seat belt is about to come undone.

16. You see so clearly the two roads in front of you. A life of comfort and a life of risk. And you’re not sure you have the right car or directions to go down either one.

17. You surf the internet so much at work every day that you literally hit a point where you don’t know what else to search for.

18. You laughed and cried when you first read 21 Secrets for your 20s.

19. Everyday life feels debilitating. Making a budget is completely debilitating.

Even thinking about doing your taxes. Debilitating. Buying groceries. Debilitating.

Doing dishes. Cooking dinner. Looking for job opportunities. Calling your mom back. Calling your best friend back. Picking up the phone at all. DEBILI-FRICKING-TATING.

So you watch four seasons in a row of _________, while Instagram stalking exes and enemies.

20. The phrase you dread hearing the most at work is, “Congratulations, you’re getting a promotion” because you’re getting pushed deeper down a career path you despise.

21. You dream about going back and punching your Smug-College-Self who was so sure had all the answers.

22. You feel like every time you’re a bridesmaid or groomsman, an angel loses its wings.

23. You seek out a mentor for answers one week and you avoid them like the 8^th grader with bad BO, the next.

24. You have no idea where to go for answers. Or even, how to find the right questions.

Yet…

25. You’re 99.7% sure a road trip would fix everything.

Well? How did you do? If you identified with more than five of these signs, I hate to break it to you, but you’re probably in a quarter life crisis.

But don’t worry! All is not lost. You’re going to get through this, and I’m going to help.

In the next section, let’s talk about a few things to keep in mind to survive and then thrive when your mid-twenties do their best to destroy your sanity and sense of well-being.

7 Steps to Survive a Quarter Life Crisis

Now that we’ve gone through some of the signs you’re experiencing a Quarter Life Crisis, how do we find help to get through the crisis?

How do we journey through a quarter life crisis and come out the other side alive, kickin’, and ready to thrive?

(By the way, if you prefer listening to reading, check out my the episode of my podcast All Groan Up titled “Are You Going Through a Quarter Life Crisis?” You can find it here or listen below. Don’t forget to subscribe!)

Now, here’s some hope and encouragement if you’re ready to turn your crisis into a Quarter-Life Breakthrough.

1. Crisis is Normal

First, it’s important to know that this is a common experience. I’d go so far to say that experiencing crisis in your twenties is like having gas after eating a steak and cheese burrito.

Just because you don’t want to admit you’re not feeling your best, doesn’t mean we don’t all go through some tough times. (Sometimes caused by our own choices.)

By the way, it’s almost a certainty that your own parents went through a season of intense questioning and difficulty in their twenties, too. They didn’t just teleport to success and stability. If you ask them what their twenties were like you might find out that as your parents got their lives together, they went through their own stuff that sounds a lot like yours.

I love what author and teacher Parker Palmer wrote, while in his 60’s, about his own existential crisis and long season of turmoil that started in his twenties:

“When I was young, there were very few elders willing to talk about their darkness; most of them pretended that success was all they had ever known…I thought I had developed a unique and terminal case of failure. I did not realize I had merely embarked on a journey toward joining the human race.” – Parker Palmer

2. Embrace the Life Transition

All transitions start with an ending. For better or worse, you don’t just teleport from broke twenty-something to successful and happy middle-aged person.

Just like a break up with someone you hoped was “The One”, when you’re in major life transitions you’re breaking up with an important season of your life. You’re cutting the anchor that held you in that port, and as it splashes in the water it’s bound to produce some waves.

When you graduate from college, move across the country, leave friends or family – you’re not only leaving that place, familiarities, routines, and memories, but you’re also leaving who you were in that place.

You’re saying goodbye to one season and even more dramatically, waving goodbye to who you used to be.

As you journey through this crisis, you’re going to lose some parts of yourself and your identity that once seemed really important to you. Sure you’ll take bits and pieces with you, but just like that huge, comfortable couch in a bachelor pad, some big things will get left behind as you make different life choices.

Here’s the thing, though. It is smack dab in this void of “what now?” where you’re going to make the most progress in your life.

Maybe a quarter life crisis is not just a stage to pass over, it’s a transition process to marinate in.

As I write in 101 Questions You Need to Ask in Your Twenties:

Transitions are not simply a bridge to the next important season of your life. Transitions are the most important seasons of your life.

Let the overwhelming feeling of “I have no idea where I’m going” guide you to where you want to be.

(Want to hear more about thriving through transition and change? check out my podcast episode “How to Make Change and Transition the Most Important Seasons of Your Life.” You can find it here or listen below. Have you subscribed yet?)

3. Limit Obsessive Comparison Disorder

Until you cure your obsessive comparison disorder you will continue to light your internal crisis on fire and then feel the burn.

Obsessively comparing yourself to others, becoming more and more frustrated that your _____ doesn’t look like theirs, is the absolute most effective way to take your crisis to eating-raw-cookie-dough-with-a-serving-spoon levels of unhealthy.

So stop it.

Seriously.

You’re your own person. You’ve got your own life and your own journey.

Just because Susie has a better job and a better Instagram feed and better… okay maybe this isn’t helping.

You get what I’m saying though. The best thing you can do in the midst of a quarter life crisis is focus on you. As they say in Al Anon, start by “keeping your side of the street clean.”

4. Kill Unmet Expectations

Maybe it’s time to put to death the unrealistic ideas of how instantly amazing your adult life should have been before these unmet expectations kill you over and over again.

Success doesn’t happen in a day, it happens in decades.

You are in the exact spot you’re supposed to be. It just looks nothing like the picture on the front of the brochure.

All the time, effort, struggle, and strain that you’re experiencing is not a roadblock to your success. It’s a stairwell that can take you to the view you were praying for all along.

(You still have to do the climbing, though.)

5. Engage with a Crisis Community

We need to get better at talking through the struggle.

As I write in my new book 101 Questions You Need to Ask in Your Twenties:

Let’s stop putting on the My Life is Amazing” Magic Show when no one’s in the audience to even watch. “

You are not alone in this.

So many twenty-somethings are struggling, we’ve just become proficient at living by the deadly condition of MCDS —My Crap Doesn’t Stink — even when it’s smelling up our entire living room. 

6. Don’t Sit and Stew and Simmer

Open up the windows. Let in some fresh air. Go for a run. Heck, maybe sign up for a marathon. Start yoga. Go to a church service. Read some books. Watch a movie every twentysomething should watch. Volunteer at a retirement home.

If you have no idea what you’re doing in your life, just pick something that you know can’t be bad and just run with it. Beginning a healthy habit—even one—is a great first step to finding a new life path.

Sometimes the best answers come when we stop sitting around obsessing over finding them.

7. Ask Yourself Good Questions

There’s nothing more important to getting through a quarter life crisis than the questions we are asking.

Most people let life just happen to them.

They never ask what they really want and how they’re going to get there. So they take that promotion for a job they never wanted in the first place—guaranteeing further misery in their professional life.

They marry the wrong person because they weren’t asking the right questions about their romantic relationship.

They become a one-hit wonder in front of a crowd one day, then the next, the bottom of the stage falls out and they go into hiding, cycling in and out of periods of isolation.

“If you don’t start with good questions,” I write in 101 Questions You Need to Ask in Your Twenties, “and keep asking yourself these questions as you are called to adapt and change, how can you formulate any worthwhile answers?”

Don’t get me wrong, this process isn’t always easy. It takes grit, honesty, and courage.

But if you’re not asking any strategic questions about what your quarter life crisis is telling you, then how are you going to find any worthwhile answers?

Here are some questions you should be asking yourself:

• Am I struggling to make it appear like I’m not struggling?
• Am I seeing the other side of people’s Instagram photos (you know, the side they’re not exactly posting pictures of)?
• If I’m not going to pursue a big dream, am I willing to drive a 1993 Honda Civic with no power steering, no air conditioning, and no right mirror for 15 years?
• What kind of friendships do I have—Jetpack Friends helping me fly or Anvil Friends repeatedly pulling me down into some dark basement?
• Do I love from my insecurities or from my strengths?

Get a lot more questions (and one or two answers) in my book 101 Questions You Need to Ask In Your Twenties.

You Can Thrive Through Your Quarter Life Crisis

Being in your mid-twenties can feel like a pug trying to climb a mountain. It’s slow, noisy, and un-pretty, but one tiny step after another and you somehow make it to the top.

Invite others with you on this journey. Ask good questions. And keep warring for hope. Before you know it, your quarter life crisis will be a thing of the past.

“Getting lost and exploring are pretty much the same thing. Explorers just get lost on purpose with purpose,” I write in my book 101 Secrets For Your Twenties.

I can honestly say now, I’m thankful for my quarter-life crisis. If we don’t learn how to explore now, then we’ll really be lost later.

My quarter life crisis what forced me to explore and figure out what path I really wanted to go down in life. It encouraged me to think and be intentional. It prodded me to write my thoughts down and devote my life helping others going through crisis with all the books I’ve written. This juncture in life can open career opportunities, evaluate relationships, address your financial situation, and more. Don’t spend decades of life wondering what could have been.

A quarter life crisis is simply an invitation to ask “what and why?”

Sometimes life will dismantle you so that you can be rebuilt stronger.

I’d love to hear from you in the comments below on what ideas you have for making it through a quarter life crisis. What major life milestones are you facing? wWhich of the above tips could you take action on today to start moving forward with a new direction in life?

101 Questions You Need to Ask in Your Twenties.

“A life changing book! I love that Paul keeps it real.” – Dani, Amazon Review

“I read this book back in February, and it actually changed a lot in my life.” – Charlotte, Amazon Review

Snag 101 Questions You Need to Ask in Your Twenties here.

Find help for your quarter life crisis with my best-selling book 101 Secrets For Your Twenties. Now with more than 100,000 copies sold!

“I read this book in the middle of my quarter life crisis and it has helped so much!” – Marie, Amazon Review

“Hilarious, moving, and life changing…” – Jordan, Amazon Review

Over 184 224 1,190 5-Star reviews and counting on Amazon, check out what people are saying about 101 Secrets For Your Twenties.

If you’re looking for a graduation gift or Christmas gift for a 21-year-old. Or you just need some ideas for the best books to read in your 20s, well I’ve got THE list for you.

I’m not going to “officially” put my four books on the list, but I am going to thank every one of you as 101 Secrets For Your Twenties now has 945 1,186 Five-Star ratings on Amazon and has sold over 100,000 copies!

Then there’s my follow-up book 101 Questions You Need to Ask in Your Twenties and my new book that just released March 2, 2021 — 25Lies Twentysomethings Need to Stop Believing. 

What are most influential books I read in my twenties? Also what are some of the newest books now in the year 2022 that twenty-year-olds should be reading?

Here are the 29 books that influenced me on this quest for finding the best questions and answers for our 20s.

(If you’re looking for 35 movies every twentysomething needs to watch in their 20s, check out this list)

Countdown of the 29 Must-Read Books in Your Twenties (and Beyond!)

1. Man’s Search for Meaning – Victor Frankl – Books to Read in Your 20s

Writing about his survival of concentration camps, Vicktor Frankl’s powerful book shows twentysomethings the power of hope and belief to get us through any situation. This book was an extremely powerful read in my twenties when going through the really hard seasons of my early twenties.

Dr. Frankl creates a powerful lesson in what it looks like and what it means to find purpose and meaning, even in our greatest pain. When we can understand the importance of what we’re going through in the bigger picture of our life, we can better sustain ourselves and thrive in those hard crisis seasons of our twenties and beyond. (Link to Man’s Search for Meaning)

2. Atomic Habits – James Clear

This book is the number one seller on Amazon right now in 2022, so needless to say, people have been resonating with it. If you’re looking to make big changes in your life through habit building practices, this books is for you. (Link to Atomic Habits)

3. Let Your Life Speak – Parker Palmer 

If your grandpa, who just happened to be an incredibly wise, well-spoken educator who is 100% authentic and honest, just took a day and talked you through how to truly find what you love by looking at your life, this would be that book. (Link to Let Your Life Speak)

4. The Alchemist – Paulo Coelho – Books to Read in Your 20s

“Everyone seems to have a clear idea of how other people should lead their lives, but none about his or her own.” – Paulo Coelho, The Alchemist

This is one of those classic fables that captures you with the story and then peppers you with life wisdom on what it means to pursue a dream and find where your treasure is. (Link to The Alchemist)

5. Atlas of the Heart – Brene Brown

Brene Brown churns out best-selling books like it’s her job. Well, I guess it is her job, and she is doing it really well! In her latest book, Dr. Brown helps readers better understand their emotions and feelings to help make more meaningful connections with yourself and others. (Link to Atlas of the Heart)

6. Love Does – Bob Goff

Bob Goff is absolutely one of my favorite people to hear speak in person and he is able to capture that same joy, excitement, and love for life and people in this incredible book. Love Does is incredibly life-giving, joy-filled, while also challenging us to reexamine how we love ourselves and love others. I love what Bob Goff is about and this book will transform your heart.

7. Transitions – William Bridges – Books to Read in Your 20s

Life after college is one of the most significant transitions we will ever go through. William Bridges provides a stellar framework for how to handle transitions and not freak out! (well at least not too much). (Link to Transitions)

8. Amusing Ourselves to Death – Neil Postman

We are obese on information and entertainment – useless facts that are high in fat and sugar, and that require us to do absolutely nothing. This is an incredibly timely and needed book for plugged-in twentysomethings. And it was written in the 1980’s. (Link to Amusing Ourselves to Death)

Read my full review of Amusing Ourselves to Death.

9. Into the Wild – Jon Krakauer  

Into the Wild is a powerful and provocative warning that we need to know, and be known. So much so, that in 101 Secrets For Your Twenties it became Secret #14  — “Don’t go Into the Wild all by yourself.” (Link to Into the Wild)

To find important life answers in your 20s, you need to start with good questions.

Check out 101 Questions You Need to Ask in Your Twenties.

10. A Million Miles in a Thousand Years – Donald Miller

Encouraging book for twentysomethings looking to take an active role in their own life story. (Link to A Million Miles)

11. The World is Flat – Thomas Friedman – Books to Read in Your 20s

“On such a flat earth, the most important attribute you can have is creative imagination.” – Thomas Friedman.

In the infancy stages of All Groan Up, I did a video review of the World is Flat – full of stop-motion, phrases like “Wii me please“, and the like. If you want to have a 300 page book given to you in three minutes, check it out. (Link to The World is Flat)

12. How to Win Friends and Influence People – Dale Carnegie

It released way back in 1936 and continues to stay a bestseller. There’s a reason for that. It’s one of those classics that stays current. (Link to How to Win Friends)

13. Quiet: The Power of Introverts – Susan Cain – Books to Read in Your 20s

Recommended numerous times in the comments below, it was time this book officially made the list. If you’re an introvert, this book will quickly become your favorite. (Link to Quiet)

14. Wait, How Do I Write This Email? – Danny Rubin

What Danny Rubin has created should be THE required career manual for every college graduate, young professional, savvy professional and basically anyone who communicates. Seriously, it’s jammed-packed with career wisdom and how-to’s. (Link to Wait, How Do I Write This Email?)

15. Defining Decade – Meg Jay – Books to Read in Your 20s

The basic premise – your twenties are not a throw-a-way decade. When her Ted talk came out, I had email after email telling me I needed to check it out. (Link to Defining Decade)

16. Tuesdays with Morrie – Mitch Albom

This book is a beautifully written, powerful reminder on how to live the beginning of our story from someone who has lived well until the very end. I cherished every second of this book like I cherished every second with my own grandfather. Such an important read.  (Link to Tuesdays With Morrie)

17. The Hiding Place – Corrie Tenboom – Books to Read in Your 20s

If life feels difficult right now and you’re struggling to find hope and meaning, please read this book. This one rocked my perspective on the power of being thankful. A true story of two sisters harboring Jewish refugees and struggling to survive Holocaust camp, this book will literally change your life.

I write more about the powerful lessons of The Hiding Place in my new book 25 Lies Twentysomethings Need to Stop Believing, under the lie “Nothing good can come out of this.” The powerful lesson of the Ten Boom sisters shows us that our troubles today might actually be saving our lives later. That what we are most complaining about in our twenties, might actually be the exact thing that becomes our life purpose. Especially as we have gone through, and continue to go through all that is COVID, this is an important reminder to us all.

As Corrrie Ten Boom wrote, “Every experience God gives us…is the perfect preparation for the future that only He can see.”(Link to The Hiding Place)

18. Pivot – Jenny Blake

For any mid-twentysomething looking to make a career change, you have to read this book. For any entrepreneur or future solopreneur, you must read this book. An encouraging, insightful read for anyone looking to take their side-hustle to the next level. (Link to Pivot)

19. Blue Ocean Strategy – W. Chan Kim – Books to Read in Your 20s

For anyone who has a deep yearning to create, innovate, and find a way to do your own thing, this business book really blew my mind years ago. The authors talk through strategies, business concepts, and case studies on how you make competition obsolete and create opportunities where none seem to exist. (Link to Blue Ocean Strategy)

20. No Man is an Island – Thomas Merton

Written by a Catholic monk, this book is packed with so much wisdom on spirituality and living life well, that you could sit with this book for a year and just scratch the surface. (Link to No Man is an Island).

21. Linchpin – Seth Godin – Books to Read in Your 20s

Love me some Seth Godin. Really this whole list could just be books from him. Linchpin might be the most encouraging, challenging, and thought-provoking kick-in-the-pants you’ll ever read. Be challenged to take chances, fail, and become indispensable. (Link to Linchpin)

22. Start with Why – Simon Sinek

Simon Sinek blew up with this Tedx Talk and re-enforces in this book the power of starting with your “Why?” A great book for anyone looking to uncover their Signature Sauce. (Link to Start with Why)

23. The Book of Awesome – Neil Pasricha – Books to Read in Your 20s

One. This book is hilarious and insightful.

Two. There was a lot of heartbreak that lead to so much awesome. As author Neil Pasricha described on Huffington Post:

“My best friend took his own life and my wife and I went separate ways. We sold our house, I moved to a tiny apartment, and I tried to get things back on track by talking about one simple, universal little joy every single day — like snow days, bakery air, or watching The Price Is Right when you’re at home sick.”

When life is tough you just have to laugh at the small sweet goodness that weaves through the details. (Link to The Book of Awesome)

24. Capitol Gaines – Chip Gaines

I’m a big Chip Gaines and Fixer Upper fan, so I loved reading the truth and advice from this down-to-earth, wise, relatable and hilarious mentor. (Link to Capitol Gaines)

Find help for your 20s with Paul Angone’s best-selling book 101 Secrets For Your Twenties.

“Hilarious, moving, and life changing…” – Amazon Review

“Really encouraged me during my own quarter life crisis through entertaining narration and crazy honest scenarios.” – Amazon Review

Check out what other twentysomethings are saying about 101 Secrets For Your Twenties.

25. The War of Art – Steven Pressfied – Books to Read in Your 20s

For any twentysomething trying to create something worth creating, this is your battle guide. (Link to The War of Art)

26. Mindset – Carol Dweck 

The difference between a “growth mindset” and a “fixed mindset” might be the biggest difference you can make in your twenties.
(Link to Mindset)

27. Telling the Truth: The Gospel as Tragedy, Comedy and Fairy Tale – Frederick Buechner

As I struggled with my own faith in my 20s this book was paramount in helping me wrestle with the questions in an authentic and honest way. (Link to Telling the Truth)

28. The Boys in the Boat – Daniel James Brown – Books to Read in Your 20s

I’d eat inspiring, historical books for breakfast if my budget and body would allow it.

Boys in the Boat is one my newest favorites because it’s packed with so much life-wisdom, specifically for emerging adults struggling to find their place.

Through the true story of Joe Rantz struggling to survive during the Great Depression era and persevering through great odds to make the University of Washington crew team, his story of triumph as his team embarked on a miraculous journey to the Olympics, is definitely a book worth reading. (Link to The Boys in the Boat)

29. Oh, the Places You’ll Go! – Dr. Seuss – Books to Read in Your 20s

Because you’re never too old for Dr. Seuss.  (Link to Oh, the Place You’ll Go!)

I’d love to hear from you within the comments on this article: Do you have any favorite books for 20somethings in the list above? Did I miss some books every 20 year old should read?

If you buy any of these amazing books through the links above, you’re also helping support the work here at All Groan Up as well! Double-win!

Whether you’ve been reading for years or just joined us here, I’m Paul Angone the author and creator behind All Groan Up. I launched All Groan Up in 2011, almost quit everything in 2012, then published my first book 101 Secrets For Your Twenties in 2013 and went full-time on my own as an author and keynote speaker.

I’d like to share with you, my friends, the good, the bad, the struggles, and the successes of All Groan Up.

11 Things You Might Not Know About All Groan UP and Paul Angone

Most days I feel like I haven’t strayed too far from my middle school self — insecure about my weight, acne flair-ups, and someone cooler than I making fun of me. I have this sneaking suspicion that our insecurities never fully go away. We just have to become better at shutting insecurity up when it starts whispering its lies.

And most of the time writing feels like work. Hard, lonely work! Yes, at the heart, I love it and it means something deeply to me. But it doesn’t mean I’m singing Disney tunes or whistling while I type.

And when she is not free to edit, the article usually runs wild with a few glaring grammar mistakes.

My wife is seriously the brains behind this operation and does not get the credit/accolades she deserves. She’s a former Merryl Lynch financial adviser, but now has the craziest full time job of them all staying at home with our two active girls. To edit my stuff she either has to forgo the only  9 minutes of peace she has in the day or stay up really late.

And she definitely does not shy away from letting me know what she really thinks about something I write! Then I get defensive. And we argue about it. Then I sulk. Then two hours later I usually change it because I know she’s right.

I used to be a marketing specialist at a private university where I strategized marketing plans, creative elements, and was somewhat of a project/client manager. So all my writing for All Groan Up was done in the wee hours of the morning or late at nights.

Here’s what I found is the winning formula to pursuing something bigger:

We work at our job, which feeds us while we work at our dream. Then we keep working at our dream, which feeds us while we work at our job. We do both. At the same time. For years. 

But since 2013 I’ve been a full-time on my own as an author, keynote speaker, and entrepreneur. Now some seasons I’ve spent more time watching our four kids as my wife worked various part-times as well to help keep things afloat. And now we’ve also thrown commercial acting as a family into the mix, which has been a fun, interesting, new adventure.

Being an entrepreneur and having a family is rarely a straight-forward endeavor. I never know what each new day is going to bring, which I love and is a challenge at times. Yet, we try to put the right spokes in the wheel to keep everything turning.

So that’s just a small peak behind the curtain. Enough about me! I’d love it if you shared something about yourself in the comments on this article. There’s some great comments there already! Maybe something you’re embarrassed to tell people (like my two.finger.typing) or maybe just a cool, fun fact about yourself. Don’t be ashamed to brag too. We will sing praises or lament with you here at All Groan Up..

Or if you don’t want to talk about yourself, ask any question you want about me or this site, and I will do my best to answer as soon as I can. I always try to get back to every person.

Love you all! Thank for your support over all these years and giving me the platform to speak truth, hope, and hilariousness into our lives.

If you’re alive and reading this right now, there’s a good chance you’ve been disappointed about something.

A crappy job. Relationship problems. Sickness. A political election. Or life in general is going nothing like you planned. Pick your disappointment.

Disappointment loves sneaking up on you — like that weird neighborhood cat who keeps showing up on your porch and peeing all over your decorative pillows.

So the question becomes — how do we overcome the disappointments in our lives?

And I write this having gone through my fair share. You don’t take the path of an entrepreneur without a lot of failures paving your way. Unmet expectations are a close companion.

We can’t avoid disappointment. But if we let each disappointment stop our momentum, we will not make it very far in life.

How do we overcome disappointment in our lives? Here’s some ideas:

3 Ways to Overcome Disappointment

1. Stop tying your identity to the perceived outcome of your work

Sometimes we’re wrecked with disappointment because we’re tying too much of who we are to what we do.

As I first wrote about  in 101 Questions You Need to Ask in Your Twenties (and Thirties)

You are more than the visible outcome of your work.

And the outcome of your work might be more than what is currently visible.

Do good work. Put your dream out there. Do your best to help others.

Then, let it go. Your dream can’t fly if your identity and self-worth is clinging onto the back of it.”

You are more than what you do. Who you’re becoming is more important than what you’re doing.

“If you’re truly humble, nothing with touch you, neither praise nor disgrace because you know what you are.” – Mother Theresa

Who you are, inside and out, will always be more important than your perceived accomplishment or failure in the moment. Who you are will always outweigh and in some cases unravel what you’ve done.

“We think the outcome is the entire point, when it is just another step on the journey. If we make the whole journey about the predetermined outcome we envisioned, we are destined to be disappointed and disillusioned.” – 25 Lies Twentysomethings Need to Stop Believing

See each outcome, good or bad, for the next step that it is and keep walking forward.

2. Have Faith.

The more I’m trying to have everything work out exactly how I planned it, in exactly my timing, the more disappointed I’m going to be. I know this. Yet, I still try to grip tight to all the details of my day.

The more faith I have that God is working things out better than I ever could, even if I can’t see it at the moment, the more peace I have.

It’s not a blind faith, it’s a faith seeing with eyes wide open how many times God has come through for me.

If we’re only looking at what we can see, we will miss everything else that is going on.

What you see as a failure now, might save someone else’s life later. 

“Outcomes can only be seen through the lens of eternity. And since we don’t exactly have that kind of sight, I think we’re all better off if we don’t stare at our immediate outcomes for too long.” – 25 Lies Twentysomethings Need to Stop Believing 

You never know how a “disappointment” will look in retrospect.

Sometimes what we see as a disappointment now is merely a blessing to be discovered later. (click to tweet that)

3. Be willing to be adaptable

Sometimes the best plan you can make is to plan to continually make new plans.

“Success in life is not about things going as we planned. But how we adapt, change, and grow when they don’t go as planned.” – 101 Questions You Need to Ask in Your Twenties (and Thirties) 

If you let each failed plan and exploding expectation overwhelm you with disappointment, you won’t be able to move forward very far in life. Yet, it’s hard to be too disappointed in life if you’re willing to adapt your plans when they don’t go exactly as planned.

It’s only a dead-end if you let it stop you. Or you can climb the wall in front of you and get a better view.

Or as I wrote as Secret #1 in 101 Secrets For Your Twenties,

Or be bitter.

Those are the two options.

And we face this decision every single day.

Take for example, you’re at the grocery store, with an actual list, buying things like kale and arugula! You’re actually feeling good about life and crushing this whole adulthood thing.

The Many Layers of Obsessive Comparison Disorder and Bitterness

“Obsessive Comparison Disorder is constantly letting everyone’s “success” smother you like an electric blanket turned up on high in August. It doesn’t work in moderation.” – 25 Lies Twentysomethings Need to Stop Believing

We used to have to go to our ten-year reunion to see who’s doing better than whom. Now, we’re trying to fake our success with every post.

“But sometimes we’re not even comparing our successes. We’re comparing our hardships. Not who has it best, but who has it worst. Who has the biggest challenges? Who has the busiest, hardest, craziest circumstances that deserve the highest sympathies (and social media engagement)?

 

Or—and this is a strange one—we’re obsessively comparing ourselves with…ourselves. You start scrolling through your own photos from a few years back. Wow, look at how skinny I was! Look at how many friends I used to have! Look at me when I looked happy! Those shimmering eyes that thought they were going to change the world . . .

 

Or we begin comparing a future image of ourselves that we thought we’d be, against the image we are currently looking at in the mirror. I thought I’d be more successful by now. I thought I’d be married. I thought I’d have my stuff all together. Instead, it feels like my stuff has somehow fallen out of the back of my car and I’m trying to pick it up off the highway as speeding cars barely avoid me.”

– 25 Lies Twentysomethings Need to Stop Believing

The Choice. Bitter or Better?

This really comes down to a mindset habit. To practice. To training ourselves to choose celebration instead of cynicism and criticism.

We can celebrate our friends successes and even let it motivate ourselves to do better work.

Or we can critique our friends success and try to pull them down next to us so we feel better about the stuff we’re sitting in.

We can be confident and content in the place God has us. We can create a vision for our lives and work towards making that vision a reality.

Or we can choose to believe that this is as good as it gets. We can become comfortable with living crappily ever after. Then complain about it to everyone who will listen.

When we get rejected. When we fail. When we don’t get the big thing we were hoping for, we can choose to look honestly at our work and find ways to do it better. We can realize that failure or success is just another small step forward.

Or we can blame the failure on everyone else but ourselves. We can internalize failing and start believing that we are a failure.

We can put our phones down and work on our lives. Or we can keep staring at all the lives of others.

We can choose to forgive or we can keep choking on the dry crusts of unforgiveness.

We can trust the process and keep planting seeds.

Or we can keeping digging holes before anything has had a chance to grow.

Your Future Depends on This

Bitter or better?

Create or complain?

Which one will you choose? Your future work and peace in life depends on this.

The more we move into what we were made to do the less we worry about replicating what someone else was made to do.

This post is adapted from my new book 25 Lies Twentysomethings Need to Stop Believing

I’d love to hear your thoughts below in the comments on whether you struggle with this or not.

These two have been the King and Queen of the past year and I for one am ready to break free from their oppressive rule.

Fear and anxiety breed hopelessness. At least it does for me.

Anxiety is like black mold – it springs up in soggy conditions. Spreads uncontrollably. And often times we don’t realize it’s there until it’s literally killing us.

Let’s fight back against all this fear and anxiety. Here’s how.

5 Strategies for Overcoming Fear and Anxiety in 2021

1. DEFINE YOUR ANXIETY

Too many of us are living under this constant, low-grade anxiety — that’s ready to spike to “call the doctor” levels in a matter of moments.

How many times in a day are you anxious, yet you’re not exactly sure what you’re anxious about? It’s there. It’s real. You feel it. But you have no idea the source.

That’s why a really helpful exercise is to stop and define your anxiety. Figure out the source. Was it the headline you just read on your phone or email? Was it the fleeting thought of the phone call you need to make, but you’re avoiding? Was it the thought about your boss or boyfriend? Or is it just the overall “joyous” state of the world and all the fun stuff it throws at us every day?

Where did the anxiety come from? The first step to overcoming anxiety is working on defining what exactly it is.

2. CUT OFF ANXIETY SOURCES

Growing up, I was allergic to dairy. Like really allergic.

My throat would swell, my ears would feel like they were going to burst, and I felt like I had swallowed sand paper. It was terrible. This was before all these amazing non-dairy options were available, so as a kid this meant no ice cream. No cheese. No pizza. Basically, no fun.

There were a few times where I thought I was over my allergies or frankly, I just wanted that bite of chocolate ice cream at the birthday party so bad, that I would dive into dairy, head-first. But the pain that followed was never worth it.

I share this story because I feel many of us operate the same way with our sources of anxiety. We know the source of our anxiety, yet we keep taking big drinks from it throughout our day, even though we know it’s going to make us feel sick.

Take our iPhones and social media for example. All the headlines. All the updates. All the noise. It’s all this HUGE SOURCE OF ANXIETY for many of us. Yet, we keep taking another long drink. All day long. We keep making ourselves sick. Why?

In my new upcoming book 25 Lies Twentysomethings Need to Stop Believing, I call our unhealthy addiction to our smart phones our “Obsessive Connection Disorder”.

We must think long and hard about our addiction to our phones and what it’s doing to us. We must replace this constant need to escape into our phones, which only increases our anxiety rather than diminishes it. Hear me talk more in-depth about this on the brand new All Groan Up Podcast with the episode on Obsessive Connection Disorder.

3. DO SOMETHING

Sounds over-simplified, but really it works and it’s important.

I call it GET ACTION, stemming from former US President Theodore Roosevelt. The man accomplished more in his lifetime than 500 men combined. The motivation behind much of what he accomplished stemmed simply from him combating his depression and anxiety. He didn’t dwell too long on his anxiety, he got up and did things, which made him feel less anxious.

“Get action. Do things; be sane; don’t fritter away your time; create, act, take a place wherever you are and be somebody; get action.” – Teddy Roosevelt 

Instead of feeling those flutters of anxiety and fear, then escaping into your phone which only brings that flutter to a full-fledged pounding. Instead, GET ACTION. Read a book. Make a meal. Go on a walk. Play with your kids. Pray. Meditate. Work on that project that gives you energy. Focus on getting something done. GET ACTION.

My wife can attest that I’ve become the king of the outdoor yard GET ACTION home project. Maybe you’ve even seen me post pictures of a few of those projects on my Instagram? Like here, here, AND here. (See, I wasn’t lying)

GET ACTION brings me life. Accomplishing something that you can see and touch is important for your soul. 

4. MAKE A “WOW, I’M BLESSED” LIST

“Most folks are as happy as they have made up their minds to be.” – Abraham Lincoln

How many times have you come up against something that you thought, “There’s no way I’m getting out of this.”

And then out of nowhere, the answer, the open door, the finances, the wisdom you needed arrives and everything works out better than you could’ve dreamed.

Your fears are typically worse than the thing you’re afraid of.

We’ve been blessed so many times, so why do we continually keep expecting the opposite?

Making a list of times or ways you’ve been blessed is a great way to keep perspective when times get tough again.

If you keep worrying that you’re in deep crap, that’s exactly how you’re going to feel.

5. DON’T BE AFRAID OF SILENCE

For any 2020 college grad or just anyone who could use some encouragement and inspiration, below is an inspirational four-minute garage graduation speech.

Graduation Speech Highlights

1. Nothing has gone as you planned. That’s ok. Success in life is not about things going as you planned but how you adapt, change, and grow when it doesn’t. We’re all getting a crash course in that.

2. Don’t let fear win. Don’t let the headlines become your headline.

3. War for Hope!

4. This is an amazing time in history to make history. This is an amazing opportunity to create answers to all the problems.

5. If you’re struggling, don’t struggle to make it appear like you’re not struggling. You’re not alone.

Dear Class of 2020. You will go down in history so don’t be afraid and make history. Choose hope over fear.

Make your headline be what you want it to be.

As we collectively go through something none of us have ever experienced before, abnormal is definitely the new normal.

Yet, maybe transitions aren’t something to fly through, but something to marinate in.

Especially now as we can’t fly through this coronavirus season. We are being forced to be still. To slow down. To get back to the basics in every facet of our life. To make best of our new realities of this new reality.

What can we learn here? As a big giant reset button is being pressed down on us, what can we change for the better? Maybe there have been some bad habits we’ve been leaning too heavily on that we are being forced to change.

Maybe our old life is being pulled out from under us like a rug and we’re being forced to look at things we’ve been hiding under it for years.

Make This Transition Matter

This is not an easy season of life.

Yet, what can we take away from this intense season of change to positively change our lives and the world in the future? 

What questions can we start asking ourselves to be intentional about making this transition matter.

We are given this time.

Don’t just make it through this transition–make the transition matter.

A few years ago I hiked up a mountain and filmed myself talking more about transitions. If you could use a little more encouragement. And a little humor as you see my crazy hair and hear me share my incredible English accent. While also seeing me perform a one-in-a-million trick spit-shot. Check it all out in the video below where I talk more about transitions and change.