When I mentioned Amy’s impending DS ownership at work someone asked me if I was going to get an R4 card so I can pirate games for it.

Copyright is a difficult issue and I have a muddled and slightly hypocritical stance on it (now isn’t that a surprise). I’m not a particularly big pirate. If it’s been on TV then I consider it fair game and I’m not above downloading the odd MP3 for trial purposes. I also once read that piracy is integral to photoshop’s marketing strategy – people having illegal copies at home means that it’s brand leadership and loyalty and knowledge base is maintained. This in turn leads to companies and corporations buying legitimate licences to use it. I have no idea if that is actually true, but it is morally convenient for me to believe so.

These days I rarely feel the need to download illegal MP3s anyway what with the magnificent Spotify (which incidentally is still not available in the USA yet. How’s that feel eh? Not getting something first for a change. Burns doesn’t it?). And I don’t tend to bittorrent any video purely due to the immense amount of time and disk space it takes up.

But don’t get me wrong, I do pirate. Mainly by ripping TV DVD box sets I’ve borrowed from Lovefilm. This means I can watch them on my iPhone during quiet periods at at work, in bed before going to sleep, or while Kerry is trying to tell me something important. In fact the increasing trend of a simultaneous disparity in TV watching between huge HD 86 inch televisions and the tiny low res portable screens of iPods and laptops is a fascinating and probably worthy of a post in itself. But not today you’ll no doubt be relieved to hear.

I do try to practice what I preach. All of my photos on flickr are placed under the creative commons license, which basically means anyone is free to use and make derivative works from them as long as they inform and credit me. This has lead to my photos being used in some pretty cool stuff – including tourist brochures and German teaching magazine. I’d put my writings on this blog under the same licence too if I could work out how to change the little © in the footer.

However I recognise that me surrendering the copyright on my creative efforts is different from me breaching the copyright of someone else. Especially if the owner of that copyright is trying to make a living through their creations. Breaching copyright may be the most socially acceptable form of theft, but ultimately it’s still theft and knowing this I still engage in it. This, I suppose, makes me a theif.

But I’d rather not think of myself as a criminal, rather a loveable rogue like Danny Ocean, Raffles, or the greatest of all gentleman thieves Hudson Hawk. Because I’m a thief with principles – namely I refuse to pay pirates. I would never buy knock off DVD’s from the ubiquitous “man in the pub” for example. If anyone is to profit from me buying Smokey and the Bandit then it should be the geniuses that created it, not some halfwit who’s worked out how to open and shut the DVD drawer on his PC. In a similar vein I’d never have a games console “chipped”, even though the price of games these days is astronomical.

So I’ll not be getting a R4 card for Amy’s DS, even though it is very tempting. Because besides everything else I’m not sure what sort of message that would be sending out to her. It’s difficult enough for us adults to walk through that murky moral quagmire of copyright infringement without straying off the straight and narrow, but for children still calibrating their ethical compass this becomes even more difficult. What lessons would I be teaching Amy and Evan if I told them not to bother spending money on things they want because we’re able to steal it instead?

Yet even as I type this I’m aware that yesterday we borrowed the Mama Mia soundtrack from the library and now it’s sitting smugly on my hardrive. As I say, I’m a hypocrite and the lines I’ve drawn in the sand are nothing if not arbitrary.

The only thing that’s clear here is that I don’t know what the hell I’m doing, thinking, or saying on nearly every parenting issue you can think of. Oh, and that I’m probably going to get swooped on by F.A.C.T. as a result of disclosures made in this post.

Let’s just hope they don’t find my podcast archive.

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There are a number of items that are exempt from VAT however, these are things that the government considers essential such as food, children’s clothing, women’s sanitary products, and other non-luxuries.

One of Britain’s best known “little known facts” is that food manufacturer McVities went to court against Her Majesty’s Customs and Excise in 1991 arguing that Jaffa Cakes were not chocolate covered biscuits (cookies) but miniature cakes; and therefore exempt from VAT. The crux of McVities’ case was that biscuits go hard when stale, whereas cakes (and Jaffa Cakes) go hard. The judge ruled in their favour and Jaffa cakes remain VAT exempt to this day.

But not all VAT arguments are so lighthearted and quirky.

Currently in the UK funerals, cremations, and burials are exempt from VAT. However the cost of headstones and other memorial items are not.

To argue that a headstone for a loved one is a luxury is preposterous. Having somewhere to go and something permanent to focus on can be an essential part of the grieving process, particularly when the headstone is in memory of a lost child.

As many of you know I am a fervent supporter of The Joseph Salmon Trust, a charity set up by my friends after the death of their three year old son from pneumonia. The Trust supports parents who have lost a child by providing financial assistance to those who need it most. This may be to help with funeral costs or to allow the self employed a break from work while they come to terms with their loss.

Grieving families have enough to deal with without worries about where they will find the money to say goodbye to their child or pay the next electricity bill. Nothing we can do can make their situation better, but we can do something to stop it getting worse.

A good deal of the charity’s work is with people who are having difficulty finding the money to pay for their child’s funeral, and in the 3 years that they have been operational they have helped pay for a number of headstones. The fact that nearly twenty percent of these contributions has gone straight into the pocket of the taxman is galling to say the least.

Neil, the co-founder of the Trust recently gave an interview to our local paper about the issue:

“It’s not like VAT on a packet of biscuits – a matter of pennies – we’re talking about significant amounts of money. We would have thousands of pounds in our bank account than we do now if we didn’t have to pay VAT and that would mean we would be able to help a lot more people. We are back to our reserve funds at the moment and are struggling a bit. We wouldn’t be struggling at all if it wasn’t for this.”

As Neil said, the number of families needing the Trust’s help has been greater than anticipated this year, and fundraising has struggled to keep up. I’m hoping that our upcoming Hadrian’s Walk will be a real shot in the arm for the charity, and there are also other irons in the fire which should also help. However times are hard and the VAT issue is not helping.

And, taking a wider view, funerals are incredibly expensive for everyone whether it be child or grandmother. To further add to the burden of the mourning loved ones left behind is just not right. Like Neil says, a tax on headstones is ” a tax on grief”.

The Joseph Salmon Trust has set up a petition on the Number 10 Downing Street website asking for the abolition of VAT on Headstones. If you a British citizen or resident you can sign it here:

http://petitions.number10.gov.uk/HEADSTONEVAT/.

There is one more thing you can do. The Trust are not able to spend money on leaflets and publicity for this campaign. Their resources are too limited and the demands on them too great to expand their remit into a lobbying force, no matter how much it’s needed. However word of mouth is a powerful thing. If you tweet, blog, post on facebook, or even (heaven forbid) tell people face to face about the petition then maybe we can garner enough signatures to at least raise the issue in the corridors of power. Any help would be hugely appreciated and, with a bit of luck may go some way towards easing the pain and financial burden

Should you wish to support our upcoming 84 mile walk across the width of England on behalf of the trust then you can make a donation on our just giving page: http://www.justgiving.com/hadrianswalkers. Every donation, no matter how small, is hugely appreciated by both myself and by those that the Trust will be able to help because of your donation.

If you would like more information about the Walk then visit our blog at hadrianswalk.org. If you want to know more about the Joseph Salmon Trust then you can visit them at their website thejosephsalmontrust.org.uk.

Thank you.

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Well look what I just went out and spent thirty quid on:

Thirty quid! For a couple of pieces of badly sculpted plastic!! You could get three hundred packets of Space Raiders for that amount! Or forty hours worth of parking in the Huddersfield bus station car park. Or even better – six Smokey and the Bandit 3 disk DVD box sets! (that’s my entire Christmas shopping sorted out then).

But no, I have to spend £30 on Hannah Mon-bloody-tana and her mutant faced horse Blue Jeans. Goddamn Disney corporation exploiting the fact that my love for my daughter is stronger than my half baked principles.

It’s not like it will ever get played with, that’s the galling thing. It’ll just get thrown on the pile with all the other bits of pink plastic. But Amy’s birthday is next weekend and she’s been consistently pining for this toy for six months now. And to be honest it’ll be worth the £30 to see her excitement when she opens it, especially since I’ve told her that the shop was sold out and I bought her a Batman action figure instead.

To make matters even worse Evan was with me at the toy shop so I also ended up shelling out fifteen pounds for this:

Fifteen pounds! For a couple of chunks of wood with some wheels nailed to them! I mean who the hell is it supposed to be anyway. The package says it’s “Flora” and her carriage from Thomas the Tank Engine and Friends, but she’s never been in any of the episodes that I’ve seen.

Goddamn Thomas the Tank Engine franchise exploiting the fact that I want to be able to get through the checkout of Toys R Us without having to deal with a major meltdown.

Actually ten pounds of that fifteen was Evans birthday money, which is why I was willing to part with it. And he does play with his wooden trains a hell of a lot, but still – that doesn’t change the fact that it was incredibly overpriced.

There is a serious post to be had here somewhere about the increasing lack of non-franchised toys and the ridiculous premium that we parents are duped into paying for a brand logo. But at the moment I’m not up to writing it. I’m still in shock from my sudden short sharpe pain in the wallet. I think I might have to go out and buy myself something to ease my trauma.

This £269 Star Wars Lego Death Star should just about do it.

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Then they are the other types of blogs. These are the ones that are so well written and so funny they wouldn’t be out of place in a weekly newspaper column. Due to the quality of what these bloggers churn out they often (but not always) have hundreds of readers and commenters, and so the personal relationship between reader and writer is heavily watered down. There’s a very good chance that this person doesn’t even know who you are, that you’re just another face in the crowd. But that’s OK, the writing is so good that you’re happy to consider yourself a fan rather than a friend.

I suppose the difference between the two categories is similar to the one between a bunch of really clever and funny friends in the pub and watching Stephen Fry on the TV. If you had to chose between the two you’d go for your mates without hesitation because they give you so much more than simply entertainment. But it’s nice to have the facility to just sit back and watch a master at work now and again.

But there are a few bloggers that span both categories. People with whom I’ve developed a friendship, but that have the potential to become superstar bloggers if they put their mind to it. There isn’t a single blog in my google reader that isn’t written by a talented blogger (I tend to have high standards), but these people are beyond the pale. If they don’t produce at least one book in their lifetime then it will be a waste. Greg, Whit, Xbox – these are just three of fantastic and honest writers about whom my boundaries between friendship and fandom is deliciously blurred. And I have gushed sycophantically about them on previous posts.

And I would like to add Erin from Fierce Beagle to that list.

Blimey Erin’s good. I mean really good. For example today she did one of those “This is what my child is doing developmentally” posts. You know the kind – Dooce does them every month (or did back when I used to read her anyhow). But somehow Erin managed to make her development posts both interesting and funny. This is very hard to do, I know because I’ve tried and failed myself.

Just read this:

“And he’s very good at impersonations. For instance he can wag his finger and Shhh! at Cody in such a way that people can barely tell the difference between him and me, a differentiation that is further complicated by the fact that he frequently wears my slippers.”

That, ladies and gentlemen, is subtle comedy genius at it’s best. Not for Erin is the big, obvious, signposted gags. This woman is a crafstman.

In her day job Erin’s an editor, which goes some way to explaining her writing chops (although as far as I can make out all that editing involves is tipexing out spelling mistakes). She’s also the wife of Noah, a police officer, and writes extremely eloquently about the anxieties that having a husband on the thin blue line can provoke.

In short – go add her to your feedreader now. You won’t regret it.

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However my life of excitement and peril is sometimes my undoing.

When tending to the chickens in the morning it’s become my habit to slip the eggs I collect into my pockets. This leaves my hands free to lock up the coop and perform any other random jobs that need doing. It has occasionally crossed my mind that this is a practice that may backfire on me at some point in the future, but like I say – I like to live life on the edge.

You can see where this is going can’t you.

Yesterday was a day like any other. I collected the eggs as normal and then pottered around doing my usual jobs. However whilst washing the dishes that afternoon I noticed that I had a large damp patch on my trousers. Assuming that I’d just splashed myself during a bit of overly exuberant scrubbing I just left it, figuring I’d just let it air dry (see, I told you I was a maverick). After fifteen minutes I started to idly wonder why the water didn’t appear to be drying. Half an hour went by and my suspicions were aroused enough for me to stick an exploratory hand in my pocket.

Let me tell you, it wasn’t pleasant.

So off came the trousers, into the washing machine went the wallet, and under the tap went my car keys and a rather eggy £5 note. And in the meantime the chickens (no doubt psychically picking up on my distress) made a dash for freedom, flapping over the garden fence in order to get closer to the house to crow about their victory. Two of them even got onto the roof of my car, an act of disrespect and defiance which is almost Hitchcockian in it’s audacity.

They even crapped up there too, the swine.

So it seems my fine feathered fiends have won this battle, but the war is far from over. Let’s just hope they don’t find an anarchic and irreverent evil genius to lead them or they may one day take over the entire world.

Oh bugger, we’re screwed.

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It seems that the Halloween pumpkin Evan and I carved has somehow contracted Single Parent Dad’s hideous body wasting disease. I think it must have happened when we took it down to his house last week. I think I may even been able to pinpoint the exact moment of infection:

Thankfully I’m not worried about the health of any of the Hughes family as the disease is only transferred from vegetable to vegetable.

But this pumpkin is certainly rotting at quite an extraordinary rate, far faster than Amy’s one. Even renowned pumpkin expert Professor Beryl Chicken says it’s beyond hope:

I’ve still got three healthy and uncarved pumpkins sitting out in the front garden however. I did have four but I used one on Monday to make a pie and some soup.

I was particularly pleased with the pie (made from a recipe very kindly sent me by DJ Kirkby). I even made the pastry from scratch and everything. Of course it took me about six hours in total to do it, and when I’d finished the only person who actually liked it was me (Kerry and the kids not being too keen on cinnamon). But I enjoyed myself and that’s the main thing. Plus I got a thrill out of the fact that both the pumpkin and the eggs I used were purely the product of Old McHughes farm. Tom Good has nothing on me.

On the other hand he soup was ok, but nothing special. I think it suffered from the fact that the variety of pumpkin I planted is intended for carving rather than cooking – the bigger ones are less tasty apparently. Again I was the only member of the family who was willing to eat it, but even then I ended up throwing half of it away. Don’t feel too sorry for me though as that’s the outcome of much of my “cooking” efforts so I’m very much used to it.

My next culinary project is going to be a Christmas cake, something else that I’m the only one who’ll eat (my family are both picky and weird). I put a call out on twitter for recipes and got a gratifying number of replies. I think I’m going to go for the one given me by Jane from Nine Long Months; mainly because it’s one handed down to her from her mother and I like the provenance that goes with that.

However, judging by the fact it took me so long to make the pumpkin pie, I think I’m going to have to clear a full week in my calendar for the cake. Maybe it’d be wise to aim for next Christmas rather than this so as to avoid disapointment.

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Here’s a small extract from my list that hints at what you lucky people might be reading here at All That Comes With It over the next few weeks. Warning, contains spoilers:

• Hate having to pay for ketchup
• Pictures of muddy boots
• Dinner vs Lunch

Pretty thrilling stuff eh? Perhaps this blog should come with caveat that it shouldn’t be read by pregnant women and people with heart conditions.

But this list doesn’t always steer me right however. I was flicking through it this evening trying to figure out if I had the energy to post when I noticed a couple of entries I made after waking up at 3am this morning.

• New word: Tonither
• Play on words on Obi-Wan Kenobi: Oh bee? One ken no bee! – work out joke with this as punchline.

It seems that 3am is not my most creative time of the day. Or my most lucid.

Still, after contemplating them for a while I was able to add another idea to my list:

• Lazy post about crap post ideas

Job done.

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This is the month traditionally associated with NaBloPoMo (National Blog Posting Month), where people from all over the blogoshere pledge to post an entry every single day of November. This used to be an all pervasive event on the internet, but since the organizers went a bit mad with power and announced that every month was NaBloPoMo it seems to have lost momentum somewhat. Off the top of my head I only know of Mark from Views from the bike shed who is doing it this year. But that’s ok with me, as anything that encourages Mark to post more often can only be a good thing.

I am vaguely tempted to have a go at NaBloPoMo myself. I enjoyed it last time I did it, although it got a little wearing towards the end. As it stands I haven’t actually missed a day this month yet, so I think I’ll just see how it goes.

Of course some other lunatics, such as Preseli Mags are actually attempting to write an entire novel this November as part of NaNoWriMo. I’m guessing the men in white coats will be knocking on their doors any time soon.

But none of these people are doing anything as magnificent, heroic, or public spirited as Mr Lee Sargent from Quit Your Day Job. Because, ladies and gentleman, Lee Sargent is on a one man quest to bring back the Magnum P.I. style moustache.

In the month of November Lee has pledged to go from this:

To this:

What-a-guy.

And what’s more, as if singlehandedly returning Tom Selleck’s ‘tash to the streets of Brisbane isn’t enough, Lee’s going to be raising funds for a very worthy cause as he does so.

Movember is an annual, month-long celebration of the mustache, highlighting men’s health issues, specifically prostate cancer and depression in men. Close to 3,000 men die of prostate cancer each year in Australia alone and one in eight men will experience depression in their lifetime – many of whom don’t seek help. The Momember Foundation puts money into research, treatment programs, and awareness raising; doing valuable and much needed work on a global scale.

So why not head over to http://au.movember.com/mospace/204841/ and make a donation to a very worthy cause. You might as well – it’s only Australian dollars so it’s not like it’s real money. I mean look at it:

I’ve seen more convincing currency in a monopoly set. I bet it’s got bloody koalas on it somewhere.

We’re going to pop in on Lee’s efforts throughout this month here on the blog, and you just know I’m going to keep nagging you until you give something. so you might as well just get it out of the way now and sling a few dollars his way. Go on. You know you want to.

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What you need to do is to invent your own phonetic alphabet based on comic book heroes. You’ll be fluent in minutes.

Oh Steve, you really should be more careful what you suggest to me.

So here it is, my own special phonetic alphabet created with a set of self imposed rules. The primary one being that I didn’t allow myself to look anything up, every superhero name had to come from memory.

And there lies the problem, my memory is completely shot. Some letters were dead easy (I can think of about 20 heroes for B alone), but some are frustratingly elusive. The letter I in particular is very annoying. All I can come up with is Indigo Girls, but that’s not right (despite their incredible harmonizing and dungaree wearing powers). I must admit I’m somewhat hampered by my heavy DC bias, and so have a more limited knowledge bank to chose from

So I’m calling out for help from the readers of the blog. OK, so I’m not. I’m calling out for help from Rol, Greg, Lee, and Avitable. The rest of you useless buggers probably don’t even know your Red Hood from your Joker, but I’m more than willing to be proven wrong. Help me complete my list so I can submit it to NATO for consideration to replace their ridiculous and outdated version.

Here’s what I’ve got so far:

• A – Aquaman
• B – Batman
• C – Catwoman
• D – Daredevil
• E – Elongated Man
• F – Flash
• G – Gnort
• H – Hulk
• I –
• J – Johnny Thunder
• K – Kilowog
• L – Lobo
• M – Mister Miracle
• N –
• O – Orion
• P – Punisher
• Q – Question
• R – Robin
• S – Spiderman
• T – Tick
• U –
• V – Valor
• W – Wolverine
• X – Xavier
• Y –
• Z –

Any suggestions?

Drawing by the rather excellent Lee from Quit Your Day Job

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Track list

1. Electric Car – They Might Be Giants
2. Monster Mash – Boris Pickett
3. Trying Vegetables – Joshua Rich
4. Purple People Eater – Barry Cryer
5. Older – They Might Be Giants
6. Popcorn – Barenaked Ladies
Intro and outro (Casino Royal: Mexican Border Brass Ensemble)

I’m very pleased to be able to present a special family focused episode of Radio All That Comes With It, with guest presenters from all corners of the globe (well, the English speaking bits anyway).

All the tracks on this podcast are either kids or kid friendly songs, and it’s my rough intent is the podcast is something that families can listen to together (in the car or whatever). I’ve played it through a few times at our house and it’s already a firm favorite with my two. Granted, that’s probably because the narcissistic buggers are actually featured in it, but you get my point.

Many thanks go to Lee, Clair, Idaho Dad, and Greg for contributing their vocal talents and musical tastes. Apologies go to the people who I’d offered to give a bit of technical support in creating a segment, and then got too busy to actually follow through my promises. The deal is still on though if you’re still up for it, as I plan on doing this again in the next couple of weeks.

Similarly if anyone reading this fancies having a go at presenting their own segment then you are more than welcome. In fact it would be fantastic. I had a great time putting this together, and think a collaborative global podcast is a really cool project to play with for a while.

Just leave a comment or send me an email at dghughes28@yahoo.co.uk and let me know you’re interested.

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