All That Glitters

Brain Shift - Oh Hai, I'm Pregnant.

2009-10-07T11:07:00.004-07:00

So, now that the wedding has happened, all I can think about now is Peanut. It's a rather amazing thing, how quickly my head changed gears. The wedding feels like it was forever ago sometimes.

Ah, the wedding was perfect though! Kailyn was an angel, the catering didn't explode, my cake was delicious, and it was great to have so many of my friends together all at the same time. And, of course, marrying the most amazing man I've ever met wasn't bad either.

We had a blast on the honeymoon, too. My friend Anna and her husband and baby stayed at the house for us, and took care of Kailyn and Benji for us and we went San Diego and Los Angeles.

San Diego is beautiful! Coronado is adorable, I'd move there in a heartbeat ;) Los Angeles was fun to visit, for a few days. We had a good time. I don't think I need to go back to LA, ever, though.

And now, we're back home, and prepping for Peanut's arrival in January. I feel like I'm so behind on everything, because I kept putting off planning cause of the wedding. It'll work out though!

I went to the doctor for another routine checkup yesterday, and she said Peanut is doing fantastic, and that I'm doing fantastic, and everything looks normal. Scott and I have picked a name, too. Well, we've narrowed it down to two anyway. That's pretty impressive I think.

I'm so happy I think I could pop!

Pre-wedding Thoughts

2009-09-18T16:16:00.003-07:00

I'm getting married tomorrow.

What a strange journey it was to here. It's amazing how much has happened in the past 6 years, since I left Boston. Tomorrow I turn the page, and start a new chapter. Tonight, an old chapter ends, one that I'm not sad to see go.

People have been asking me all week, "Hey Jules, are you nervous yet?" and every time the answer has been no. No, I'm not.

Perhaps other people get nervous because they wonder if they're making the right choice. I don't have to wonder; I know that I am.

Scott is an amazing man. He's always there when somebody needs a shoulder, a friend, or anything else. He puts his whole heart and soul into everything he does. He's kind, and patient, and loving. He's got a small devilish streak and a gleam in his eye that keeps things fun. Of course he's not perfect. I don't want perfect though. Perfect is just a load of crap bound to come up sooner or later anyway.

Perhaps nerves from not being sure if they're ready to give up the "single" life. Mine can go, please.

Being a single mother was the most stressful task I've ever, and likely ever will, take on. It was terrifying not having someone else to turn to when I was second guessing my methods- I had no idea what to do with a kid (heh. I still barely do!). I hated having to do all the discipline, and always be the bad guy, and still try to be the good guy; to not be too hard on Kailyn when I was the only person around to deal with it and my temper was getting the best of me. For Kailyn to not have a positive male influence in her life.. it killed me. And in the back of my mind was always "what if something happens to me? What happens to Kailyn?". Scott will be legally adopting Kailyn and it's a huge relief to me. She adores him, he adores her.. this is the kind of family I wanted. Peanut will only make it better.

Before Kailyn was a mess of drugs and booze and meaningless sex. There was aimless wandering, a sense of no home, no where to go, nobody that cared, or understood, and all that other teenage angst type crap. Never need any of that again. Happy to forget it. Nasty breakups, bad relationships, and all the other "joys" of single life, nope, won't miss them, though I am thankful for them because they taught me things I needed to know.

Scott fills in the blanks in me. He balances my negatives. He doesn't let my temper get to him when it gets the best of me. When he looks at me, there's so much love in his eyes, more than I could have ever imagined was possible. I can think of nothing more that I want than to have him with me, always.

Why would I be nervous? Tomorrow, the best part of my life begins.

Here's hoping I don't trip, and that the caterers are all on time!

School, Already? Seriously?

2009-08-13T11:52:00.004-07:00

When I was a kid, school didn't start until September. Kailyn starts kindergarten on Monday. Yes, halfway through August. I'd be more annoyed at her opposition to this idea if I didn't think it was bullshit myself haha.

We went school supply shopping today (because I am the Queen of Last Minute [actually, to be honest, I hadn't realized school started this Monday until about 3 hours ago]) and I tried to explain this "real school" concept to her.

Kailyn is all kinds of into comparisons right now. When I told her about her future sibling and was trying to describe what having a baby in the house was going to mean, she understood it best when it was summed it up as "Remember when we got the puppy and Mommy had to spend all her time chasing him around and cleaning up after him, and you got less attention than you used to? It's kind of like that, but longer". So, I took a similar approach to kindergarten.

"It's kind of like your daycare was, except Mommy will not be able to randomly keep you home some days, and you'll have to sit still and learn things instead of playing all day."

She decided she didn't like that idea. Of course. We managed to survive supply shopping with our sanity intact but the idea of dragging an angry red-headed child through the mall for clothes didn't sound appealing at all, so we're home again for the time being.

I suspect she may have just been tired, because she fell asleep on the couch as soon as we walked in the door, but I really hope she grows more okay with the idea by Monday. We'll try the clothes shopping later.

One battle at a time.

Short, Random Thoughts

2009-08-11T10:34:00.003-07:00

Today, Scott asked my opinion on various car seats and strollers he looked at online last night. I told him I could only concentrate on one thing at a time and that I don't even want to think about shopping for Peanut until after the wedding. For the love of God, cut me some slack here.

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Turns out Kailyn is horrible allergic to bee stings. We found this out the hard way and spent all day in the hospital yesterday. It was not fun. She's fine now, though. Benji saved her, I knew he was the best dog on the planet!

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I woke up this morning, and it was obvious that I'm pregnant. I swear yesterday I was skinny; baby bump developed overnight. What are you doing in there, Peanut?! Scott thinks it's adorable and has been rubbing my stomach every time I get up.

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I started a personal music project today. I'm on vacation from work now and it's been too long since I wrote something just because I wanted to.

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I start my Pregnant Yoga class tomorrow. I don't know the first damn thing about tiny babies and this seems like a good place to meet new people, that will also have tiny babies that they might not know anything about.

... for those that are new here and wonder how I have a 5 year old and don't know anything about babies, it's because she was with her father shortly after birth until she was almost two. That's a blog entry for another day.

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I hate taking prenatal vitamins.

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Needles: 1 - Kailyn: 0

2009-08-06T08:29:00.003-07:00

My daughter is not scared of needles in that way that many children are- rather, she just thinks they're disgusting, much like bugs. It's rather strange.

Anyway, a couple of weeks ago, she asked me if she could get her ears pierced. I was not prepared to answer that question. I hadn't had her ears pierced when she was a baby, and figured I'd just let her do it when she was old enough to want them and ask. Silly me, I expected that to be closer to when she was 10, not 5 and a half.

I suppose I shouldn't have been surprised though. I mean, Mommy has lots of holes in her ears (and other visible places), and all her friends do, etc.

However, being as I was caught off guard, my response was "... if you still want them next week, ask again, k?"

So every couple of days it was "Mommy, has it been a week yet?" "Not yet love."

After her week was finally up and she still wanted them and remembered to ask again (I don't know why I thought she might forget!), I told her she could, but she had to go ask Adam (a friend of Scott and I, does piercings for a living, is Kailyn's BFF, she adores him) nicely if he would do it for her. So she did, and he said of course, and we went into the shop a couple days ago.

We got there, and Adam plops her onto a big cushy chair. He's getting stuff prepped and showing her everything and explaining what it's for.. then he gets to the needle and Kailyn goes,

"Wait a minute. Nobody said anything about needles!"

I tried really hard not to roll my eyes at her and said that it wasn't that bad, and of course there were needles involved, it's a hole and how did she think it was going to get there? She sullenly replied with "you didn't tell me!"

So I pulled out my pocket dictionary (it's this new game we're playing, where Mommy uses real logic and Immovable Forces like definitions to prove her point haha) and read her the definition of "Pierce".

Her response to that was, "Ewwww. Nevermind, let's go home."

It Looks Like A Peanut

2009-08-05T14:10:00.004-07:00

Or rather, it did, when I first started referring to it as Peanut, anyway. It just dawned on me that I never blogged about it; Scott and I are expecting a baby in mid-January! I'm 15 weeks now and getting really excited to find out if Peanut is a boy or a girl.

We're not moving the wedding; it's still in September. I'll just have to be more flexible with my dress ideas (since I'll have something of a belly by then) and we'll have to play the honeymoon by ear. The doctor says that the way things are progressing now, I should be fine to travel in September, but it's still a little ways away so we'll see.

Scott is really excited. I'm really excited; we talked about having kids so it's not a "woah omg kid!" kind of thing like with Kailyn, though I must admit, I would have preferred to be pregnant this time NEXT year... I'm selfish and want him to myself a little longer. Oh well. Kailyn is taking it well... so far. We'll see what happens as my stomach gets bigger, and after Peanut is born.

Here's an ultrasound from a few weeks ago; this is why I call it Peanut.

So far it's been a fairly easy pregnancy. I had some pretty bad "morning" (more like all-day!) sickness in the beginning, but that calmed down a lot. Now it's occasional queasiness but I'm not puking all the time anymore, and the car doesn't make me sick, which is awesome. I'm still tired all the time, but I chalk a lot of that up to having to chase Kailyn around.

So, that's what's new with me :) How's everybody else?

Wedding Planning Craziness

2009-05-14T16:21:00.004-07:00

Planning a wedding, holy crap, is pretty much the most stressful thing imaginable. Or, at least, planning mine right now is.

I was on a roll, and then everything came to a screeching halt. Scott's dad passed away and I've been trying to take care of everyone. It's getting better every day though. I was going to delay the wedding but Scott doesn't want to.

So I'm trying to be glue and plan my wedding at the same time.

My friend Anna is going to make my dress but I've been looking at dresses anyway, for ideas. I really like this ballet-inspired wedding dress. Maybe with a corset-style top.

I've put my friend Crystal in charge of the flowers... she's a florist for one, and I really kind of hate flowers, and would rather not have to look at a million to pick the bouquets.

Cakes... hah. My friend Anna complained while she was planning her wedding that oddly enough, the worst part was picking a cake, and that she got tired of tasting them. While I don't completely understand how one gets tired of tasting cakes, I can see how it's a rough choice, cause holy crap they are ALL delicious. Why don't birthday cakes taste as good as wedding cakes??

September 19th is still kind of far away but it feels like it's rushing at me like a speeding train.

Random Survey

2009-04-15T22:31:00.004-07:00

I don't blog often, do I? Hehe. Here, have a random meme/survey thing.

Do you have any condoms in your room?
Yea, though they don't get used very often.

Last place you took a nap?
The couch, curled up with Kailyn and Benji (yea, somehow we all fit on the couch!)

Does any part on your body hurt?
Surprisingly, no.

Next time you will kiss someone?
As soon as I go to the other side of the room to kiss Scott.

What are you excited for?
My wedding :D We picked a date! More on that next entry.

Do you care what others think about you?
Not particularly, no.

Have you ever had a black and white cat?
I didn't, but one of my roommates did.

Who is the first person you would call if you needed help?
Sammy, if it wasn't something that Scott could help with.

Do you know what you are going to wear tomorrow?
Clothes?

What did you do last Friday night?
I went to a party at Adam's house.

Is there something you wish you could tell someone but cant?
I would like to tell one of my clients what a complete tool he is, but I want to get paid.

What woke you up this morning?
Kailyn demanding scrambled eggs.

Would you ever get a tattoo?
I've got a few already; not planning on getting any more but I won't rule it out.

Do you like someone that doesn't know you like them?
Scott knows damn well how I feel about him :p

Has someone ever told you they would be with you forever?
A few, but only one of them has put any sort of ring on my finger.

Who was the first person to break your heart?
Kailyn's dad, Gavin.

Did you get a full 8 hours of sleep last night?
... I have a small child; I *never* get 8 hours of sleep.

Do you find the opposite sex confusing?
Nah, guys are easy. I'm more baffled by other girls.

How long does it take for you to take a shower?
5 minutes. I'm an in-and-out kind of gal.

What's on your mind RIGHT NOW?
Slurpees.

Have you seen anyone lately that you don't get along with?
Nah; I get along with everybody here.

What do you hear?
Benji snoring and Scott playing piano.

How is life going for you right now?
Life is going fantastically :D 2009 is made of awesome.

Do you believe exes can be friends?
Sometimes. Not me and mine, though.

What is your current mood?
Content and kind of tired.

Do you get distracted easily?
Most of the time, though sometimes I am crazy focused.

Have you ever been called a bad influence?
More times than I can count.

Is there a person of the same gender who means a lot to you?
There's a few!

Who was the last person you talked to last night before you went to bed?
Scott.

Has anyone disappointed you recently?
Not recently, no.

What Color Is Your Tooth brush?
Green and white.

Name One Person That Made You Smile Today?
Kailyn makes me smile every day; she's a blast.

What Were You Doing At 8 Am This Morning?
Dropping Kailyn off at day care.

What Were You Doing 45 Minutes Ago?
Talking to Crystal.

What Is Your Favorite Candy?
Snickers.

What Is The Best Ice Cream Flavor?
Cherry Garcia!

What Was The Last Thing You Had To Drink?
Iced tea.

What Is The Longest You Have Gone Without Sleeping?
4 days.

Have You Bought Any New Clothing Items This Week?
I bought a pair of shoes, if that counts.

Ever Go Camping?
Yea, I don't much like it though.

Do You Drink Your Soda With A Straw?
Not usually.

What Did Your Last Text Message Say?
"No, she just didn't show."

What Are You Doing Tomorrow?
Making a sales pitch.

Where Is Your Dad?
Graveyard in Boston.

Look To Your Left, What Do you see?
Scott's piano; Scott seems to have left the room.

What did you do yesterday?
My taxes.

Do you love anyone?
Only the greatest guy in the whole wide universe!

What Color Is Your Shirt Your Wearing?
Black and grey.

What Color Are Your Pants?
Dark grey.

What Month Is Your Birthday In?
November.

Well, that was fun. I'm off to bed now!

2009 is Gonna Rock

2008-12-31T17:36:00.002-07:00

2009 is just around the corner, and I've gotta say... I am much more excited about this upcoming year than probably all the other years combined!

Some of you may have already heard, but Scott prosed the other day! We haven't picked a date yet, but we have already established that we want to have a small wedding, so it may happen before the end of next year. I'm very happy :) My ring is gorgeous and Scott is amazing and this is great!

I've been getting a steady flow of incoming work to do and I make more than enough money doing what I love. I have a good recording room built into my house

Kailyn's overall health has been getting better and she's growing up to be a smart, surprisingly well behaved child. I'm so happy that I got her back. I can't imagine how my life would be without her.

Benji is also surprisingly well behaved. He seems to have trained himself for the most part. He's very sweet and is Kailyn's best friend (I think she likes him more than she likes me) and they are adorable together. Also, I think he's finally almost done growing.

Crystal and Adam are among the best friends a person could ever ask for, and all my other friends are also awesome. I do miss Hope and Anna and all the rest of the New Mexico crew (though, most of them are no longer in New Mexico; it no longer seems like a fitting name for them!), but I got to go visit Hope and Haze in Italy and will likely be visiting them next year, and Anna and Freddie have come to visit me here, so it's not too bad.

With all these great things that I have here and now, 2009 is sure to be fabulous. I'm looking forward to it :)

I hope everybody has a safe and happy New Year!

Internet? What?

2008-10-20T22:16:00.002-07:00

So, with the economy being all poopy, I've been doing as much work as I can so that I can avoid touching my savings. This has left me with practically zero free time for things that are not Kailyn, Scott, or Benji.

On the bright side, there doesn't seem to be a drop in need for music.

On the negative side, Scott's business is really hurting right now.

We've consolidated households, partly for the sake of saving money, but mostly because, well, we practically lived in the same house anyway! I had plenty of room in the house anyway. I'm not sure why Kailyn's grandfather felt the need to buy us such a huge house.

So, I converted one of the smaller "bedrooms" into a recording studio. Soundproofed the hell out of it! Foon has been very pleased with the vocals I've sent him that I recorded in there. The open room in the back has the computers, Scott's piano and my turntables set up (I think it was originally a "den", whatever the hell that means).

Kailyn got moved to the smaller bedroom because hers was way too big anyway. She also doesn't need to be right outside my bedroom anymore. We painted it for her and got her a new bed and stuff. Her bedroom is very citrus looking. She's really into orange and lime green *shrug*

Scott and I spent days arguing about which one of us had better living room and bedroom stuff... so as a compromise, we sold everything and started over heh. Our new setup is pretty spectacular.

The transistion has been pretty smooth. Having Scott here just feels natural. I'm starting to become domesticated though, it's kind of odd haha.

I'm really, really happy right now. I love Scott more than I ever would have thought I could love anybody. I think figuring myself out first really helped. That was one of the biggest problems Virgo and I had... neither of us knew ourselves. Scott is very secure and well versed in his internal monologue, and I'm almost there myself.

Anyway. I just wanted to drop a note and say hello. How's life out in the rest of the world?

Good Lord, It's Hot!

2008-04-28T15:31:00.003-07:00

Ooooh man it's hot out. I just checked the thermometer and it's like, 104 outside right now. It's so not even summer yet!

Kailyn and I have been hanging out in the pool on and off today. She's taking a nap right now. Her little shoulders got sunburned, poor thing. She seems to be more sensitive to the sun than I am.. us pale redheads don't do well with the sun heh. I'll have to get some higher SPF for her.

Scott is also asleep. His allergies have been terrible all day. I gave him some Benedryl and Benji is asleep on his chest. They're cute.

Adam just called to see if he should rally the troops for a mini potluck or something. It could be fun. I'm sure they'll all get together anyway. At this point it's probably just about if they're coming to my house or going to Adam's. *looks around* It is pretty clean... and if I supply the house, then I don't have to cook. Hehe. I don't feel like getting out of my chair.

I think it's a good day for a BBQ.

How's the weather in the rest of the world?

Oh, Hi Subconscious...

2008-04-15T18:47:00.003-07:00

So, I've been doing a lot of thinking lately (you know, that almost always winds up being a bad idea). I'm coming up on the 4 year mark since I left Boston. I think that was one of the best things I could have done for myself. Sometimes it feels like I gave up and ran away, but really... I think I removed myself from a bad situation because I knew that no good could come from staying. The two options might look similar but I think there's a big difference.

The weeks I spent wandering helped me figure out what I needed to change about myself, and what hidden traits I had that I needed to polish. Self-reflection rocks.

The time that I spent in New Mexico was a MAJOR part of my healing process. I figured out so many things about myself. I made some friends that I know will always be there for me. I realized that I am capable of being in love, and trusting people, and caring about someone else without forgeting Jules. I learned the value of taking things day by day, but still having some sort of very tentative, flexable plan. The only new scar I gained there was a physical one from a freak accident involving a switchblade, but no emotional ones.

Bringing Kailyn home when her dad died helped me grow in tremendous ways. It's amazing how much I matured as soon as I held her in my arms and realized that this crazy, tiny little person had instantly become my whole entire world. I hadn't been strong enough to grow in ways that I needed to grow for myself, but I was more than willing to do it for her, and I sometimes feel that while she was originally a large part of what almost killed me, in the long run, she saved my life.

Now that I'm here in Arizona, I feel like I'm ready to start a real LIFE for myself. I finally feel like I have something to look forward too. I feel like a whole person, instead of just fragments of one.

This is a great feeling.

Daylight Saving Time

2008-03-09T21:25:00.002-07:00

Dear Rest of the United States, and Probably Canada:

I live in Arizona. I didn't have to change my clock today. HAHA!!

Love,
Jules

BBQ Rama Lama

2008-02-28T22:34:00.003-07:00

Had the gang over for a barbeque today. It was pretty rad! We hadn't had one in a while because... huh. Actually, I don't know why we hadn't had one.

Crystal came over with her new beau Jake. He's pretty cool to hang out with but I'm not entirely sure how long they'll work out. The two of them are great, but he's not that great with the little ones, and well... Crystal looks out for her daughter first.

Adam is still moping over his last girl. He's too good for her anyway. Poor kid. He's still here, playing with Kailyn because she won't go to sleep. She really liked him. Scott is out walking Benji. He was really excited about all the people and is still crazy hyper. I think tonight will be a restless one.

It was really nice to spend the evening with my friends. Sometimes I feel like I'm lost, and I don't know where I'm going in life... it's nice to know that I'm not the only one that's just not sure, and it's nice to know that there are people that care.

Hi, Again

2008-02-25T20:21:00.000-07:00

A brief rundown:

Kailyn turned 4. Her birthday party was a disaster. I am not at all surprised; after all, she is my child. It was fun anyway. I just had to hire a professional to get the cake frosting out of the carpet.

Benji is a puppy and very much behaves like one. He's a golden retriever and all of about 13 weeks old. He likes to pee in shoes. He won't poop inside, or pee on the carpet... shoes are his prefered place to pee. Housebreaking sucks. Almost as bad as potty training a kid.

Scott finally got his cast off and is useful again. Teehee. He's been a real saint helping me with Benji, as I know jack squat about house training a dog.

That's it for now. Wordpress was annoying me, so I relocated. Should have just kept the damn EE site. Oh well. I don't feel like setting up a domain and hosting again. I'd rather buy ice cream.