no.

don’t get comfortable.

greetings from my rental in hastings, aoteraoa new zealand.

the althing/state of all things was supposed to go out today, but i haven’t even touched the draft that hayley and the team have put together. you may not have seen the news. but we are back into various levels of lockdown, especially in auckland. to all my friends and patrons there…i’m feeling you. along with all my friends in melbourne…the states…the UK…everywhere.

and,

well…fuck. just when we thought we were out of the woods.

…but isn’t that always the way?

don’t get comfortable.

after 100 days of no community transmission and much hoorah-ing, the government was also making small noises here last week, saying “when, not if…” and everybody was a bit on edge. and… here we go. last night, every person in aotearoa got this message on their phone:

you can read more about the news here.

…….

if the universe could please stop hurling buckets of painful and synchronous poetry at me for just one second:

yesterday, i played not one but TWO big gigs in hawke’s bay….two of the largest gatherings i’ve played since march.

in one day. that was yesterday.

i started off by getting up at 6 am and heading over to iona college (a girls’ boarding school) to play the morning assembly. the gig came through kya, whose daughters, nyssa and boudicca, both go to the school.

it was as weird and formal and surreal as you can imagine.

everyone wears a uniform-dress and jacket. at 8 am, the girls come from the breakfast hall (where they are mandated to attend breakfast) if they’re boarders and from the parking lot if they’re day girls. at precisely 8:15, there is a shuffle. the principal and deans enter the hall. one girl (the head girl?) stands at the front of the room and says:

“all girls rise”. 

i may get that tattooed on my forehead someday.

these girls were all about 13-17 years old…many of them from farming families in the area. there were about 200 students.

i read all of your advice on my post a couple days ago about which songs to play…and at the end of the day, i listened to boudicca, kya’s daughter who just turned 17, for the final approval of my setlist. i started with “coin-operated boy”, went almost straight into “runs in the family” and ended up with “in my mind”, which made me a little teary.

here are some shots…kya took this of me soundchecking at 8:05:

here’s me with nyssa (left) and bou.

the gig:

it was actually pretty wonderful.

bou informs me that some of her friends were looking me up on spotify.

who knows what anything means, what any performance means.

but if one single woman comes up to me 15 years from now at a show and says “i’ll never forget seeing you wailing on the piano when i was 13 years old,,,,,”, it was fucking worth it.

here’s a handful of the iona audience outside…

and these guys….

it feels so notable that today, 24 hours later, this touching would not be allowed.

we are now not supposed to cuddle in a group like this.

but we did.

we did.

……

i went about the rest of my day, rolling up my tired sleeves, trying desperately to sort out projects and release schedules, feeling the gradual inner sigh of relief of finally having my wall calendar of projects up to look at.

not making much specific headway on any particular project but at least getting a birds-eye view of the mess in front of me.

this is so good! i’m finally getting on top of my shit. i can post about CDs and landfills and stuff i haven’t gotten to! yay. (by the way, almost 2,000 of you want

i was on top of my shit enough that i said YES to my friend jamie, who kept egging me on to do a little presentation at pecha kucha, a little TED-like event where 8-10 speakers do 6-minutes talks in a very strict format: 20 slides, for 20 seconds each. i kept saying no and he kept asking. i finally agreed to just wing something, and xanthea helped me grab 20 photos off the web and instagram and we emailed them over the jamie a few hours before the event. i didn’t look at the final selection, i trusted xanthea. i figured i would just make shit up as i went along…and i did.

it was scary. i thought it was going to be just 100 people or so…it wasn’t: it was a crowd of 500 in the opera house in hastings and the people were all like, old smart people. i was scared. i like being scared/ everybody else had prepared their talks and were reading off paper. i just looked at the pictures and tried to explain what’s happened to my life in the last five months in six minutes. it was exhilarating and fun, like tight-roped walking or bungee-jumping. i knew i was technically safe but i had hardcore butterflies. i think it was recorded, if so i’ll send it as a surprise to you $5 patrons, you haven’t gotten anything tasty in a while.

i started out the talk by saying something along the lines of “i don’t mind being uncomfortable”.

what hubris, palmer.

then i played the ukulele anthem.

i hugged a lot of strangers after the show.

i went home with a quick step and a light song in my heart.

i tucked ash into bed, went to grab a book to read myself to sleep, and saw the text from xanthea about the news.

well, fuck.

……..

i don’t know what is going to happen now, but i do know that neither gig yesterday would have been allowed to happen today: level 2 bands any gatherings of over 100.

life is weird.

here we go again.

don’t get comfortable.

………..

the word on the street is that level 2 will probably hold in hawke’s bay because there is still no community transmission in this area. we’ll find out on friday.

but meanwhile…this means that my tour of aotearoa will very possibly be postponed or canceled. please stay tuned for updates. we’ve frozen some of the ticket sales in some venues to be safe.

some shows may be able to go on in a limited seating capacity….who knows. we’ll know more in a few days.

that’s all….fine. i don’t mind.

i am so fucking proud to be in a country with a sane, wise government who is taking shit seriously and listening to science.

watch jacinda ardern and the way she addresses her nation.

she is a sane, strong, compassionate leader.

https://www.newshub.co.nz/home/politics/2020/08/jacinda-ardern-on-the-likelihood-of-a-longer-lockdown-after-new-covid-19-community-transmission.html

………..

meanwhile, and i don’t believe that anything ever happens by accident, i saw this thread on the patron-only section of the shadowbox, and i wanted to say something here, too.

from brooke:

I posted about this on the Patreon page a week or so back (the coffee shop post), but you know how things get lost there. Also, it may not be something people want to hear right now. Who knows.

At the beginning of this whole scary pandemic thing, AFP was amazing and was with us and I understood that this Patreon would help us all get through this together. So many ideas were named. I felt like in the sea of chaos, we were being told that there would be content to help us all through this. Now it’s many months later, I don’t see this content. Things in NZ are much better (I am thrilled for them).

In the US, things are much, much worse. Scary worse. The Patreon posts are mainly about the things happening in NZ (sitting in a coffee shop, singing for schools of girls). This doesn’t feel like support for me. Things have gotten worse here and those in charge are making sure that the trend will worsen. Loved ones in hospitals alone (whether or not they have the virus) because we live in a hotspot (there are so many here now) and they won’t let visitors in. Sickness, death. Death I don’t know how to get over.

Where is the Patreon support that we saw on that first webcast from NZ? We’re still here. I’m still a Patreon, but I’m not feeling seen. And I wouldn’t have expected the support, but it was offered and then didn’t appear. I thought from reading other comments that I was alone in feeling this way, but one person showed me I was wrong. They commented and said so much more than I even managed, but didn’t feel comfortable leaving their comment up and deleted it. I don’t know if they felt safe posting something that might come across as unhappy amidst a sea of heart emojis. I left my post there though. It feels true.
Stay safe all.

a comment like this means a lot to me, especially the way it is worded without anger or attack.

i answered over on the box. i said:

hey all.
this is such a beautiful post to read because it is so honest and there is no anger or attack in it. brooke, i thank you for that. figuring out how to balance everything here has been so. weird.
maybe you saw that NZ just went into a second lockdown…weird atop weird. one of the things that i was already going to try to do, and your post lights a fire, was a follow-up to the “unclickable” heart post, where i ask everybody for a check-in. it was amazing, it took me (i am not shitting you) five FULL DAYS to read those comments. it’s the text and time equivalent of a long novel. but reading and hearing from you is important i’m gonna try to thread it together. i’m also so scared and so confused and so tired and taking care of ash basically takes up all the time i used to have to connect with everyone. i’m trying to forgive myself for not getting any of this right. i’m getting it right enough. i love you all a lot. xxx

to which brooke responded:

I want to be super clear. You’re NOT getting it wrong. This post was basically me questioning what this Patreon is for me in the current environment. It’s not the only place I turn to, but is it somewhere I belong? It felt like one thing, then was something else entirely. Like so many things in life now.

I was sad to hear about the new positive cases in NZ. If the past tells us anything, it will be handled responsibly, people will heal, and things will hopefully go back to the new normal there. Soon.

Thank you for taking my post for how it was meant. I know you have a legion of protectors (not a bad thing to have in your pocket) that might jump on it. @Hayley is very protective of you and I understand. Responding to that: I do hold immense compassion for others. It’s possible to do this and also feel left behind.
Sending out love to all that read this.
~Brooke

i’ll cross-post this next answer over there, but let me also say it here:

i am making this all up as i go along.
you know that, right?

what i love most about this community is that people can feel lost and wave, and that i can feel lost and ask fior guidance. i do it all the time.

for the last few months, i really haven’t known what i’m doing half the time. more than half the time.

i have been staring at these lists of projects and back-up films and documentaries and song-releases and i just feel fucking overwhelmed.

i know i’m supposed to be an artist.

i know i’m supposed to be a mother.

i know i’m supposed to connect myself to this community, and this community to itself.

i know that i’ve never had a real plan and it’s pretty much worked out for the past twenty years.

i know my team is exhausted.

i know that the world is exhausted.

i know that, at the end of the day, everything is going to be fine. 

i know that, in my bowels.

part of why i know that is because i toured for a solid year, singing that to thousands of people every night. i have to believe it. i don’t believe in an interventionist god, but i believe in making peace immediately with everything that happens. i believe in letting go of a plan. i believe in letting go of controlling the outcome. i believe in waving my arms as an artist, haplessly sometimes, carelessly sometimes, but knowing that i’d rather get it wrong than stop waving.

i know i can’t do everything. i know that whatever i accomplish on a given day is enough.

not perfect. not ideal. not impressive. just enough.

as long as you guys are okay standing by me as a flail with my daily version of enough, i’ll be okay.

i love you all so very much.

i’m going on a year of being away from home and my family and friends.

in that time, i’ve done a world tour and a global pandemic has broken out and my marriage has hit the rocks.

it’s all so fucking weird, you guys.

i’m sorry – sorry in the way that you know that i mean it – if it all seems so random sometimes.

i don’t really know what i’m doing, that’s true.

but how beautiful is it to really admit that?

i bet you don’t know what you’re really doing, either.

…..

no…don’t get comfortable.

but perhaps we an all get comfortable with the uncomfortable.

one of my favorite buddhist sayings is:

pain is inevitable.

suffering is optional.

as we are all faced with confusion and pain….may we find our awkward steps away from suffering.

lots of love, and as they say around here:

kia kaha.

stay strong.

AFP

p.s. i’m going to do a webchat for the $10+ tiers this coming monday at 11 am NZST (sunday for people in the states and europe)…i’ll send a post about that in a second. it’s been too long.

p. p.s. i’ll be paying attention to comments here and the above thread on the box tonight. please feel free to chat. xx

——THE NEVER-ENDING AS ALWAYS———

IF YOU’RE IN THE USA…..DON’T FORGET TO REGISTER TO VOTE IN THE NOVEMBER 2020 ELECTION. DO NOT BE CONFUSED!!! help is there: you can register to vote, find your local voter registration deadlines, update your voter registration, check that your registration is still on the books, find your polling place and other important election information HERE at http://headcount.org

……….

1. if you’re a patron, please click through to comment on this post. at the very least, if you’ve read it, indicate that by using the heart symbol. that’s always nice for me to see, so i know who’s reading.

2. see All the Things (over 100 of them) i’ve made so far on patreon: https://amandapalmer.net/patreon-things

3. JOIN THE SHADOWBOX COMMUNITY FORUM, find your people, and discuss everything: https://forum.theshadowbox.net/

4. new to my music and TOTALLY OVERWHELMED? TAKE A WALK THROUGH AMANDALANDA….we made a basic list of my greatest hits n stuff (at least up until a few years ago, this desperately needs updating) on this lovely page: http://amandalanda.amandapalmer.net/

5. general AFP/patreon-related questions? ask away, someone will answer: patronhelp@amandapalmer.net

The post don’t get comfortable. appeared first on Amanda Palmer.

my Dear Ones…

“the whole damn world seemed upside-down

….

i know ’cause i was there”

time to get your feels on….this is a strange walk down recent memory lanes, this release is. let’s do it.

here we go, new music, for the first time in a LONG WHILE. and this is very special release, unlike anything i think i’ve ever recorded: it’s my rendition of the classic jazz standard “a nightingale sang in berkeley square”….backed by one of the finest symphonies on the planet: the BBC symphony orchestra.

i’m singin’ in my lowest, smokiest and emo-est voice, and he symphony playing an arrangement made just for the occasion by my beloved collaborator, jherek bischoff. he cooked up this beautiful arrangement and this track was recorded this past november (the 12th, to be exact) at the barbican, in london, during a night that neil fronted & curated called “PLAYING IN THE DARK”, when we were still in london during my european/UK tour of “there will be no intermission….in the Before Times.

it’s out today, worldwide and free on bandcamp.

as usual, i can keep my content free because everything is paid for and supported by the patreon, so thank you, patrons. i love and appreciate you all very deeply.

$3 patrons will be getting a download code in a moment.

everyone else, you can listen/stream here free on bandcamp:

https://amandapalmer.bandcamp.com/track/a-nightingale-sang-in-berkeley-square

the beautiful album design is by andrew nelson, and the photo portrait was taken by the incredible london photographer charlie clift….on the DAY of the gig, RIGHT BEFORE I TOOK STAGE…..down the street from the barbican.

i mean why get dressed up TWICE. the gorgeous hair & make-up was done backstage at the barbican by james carver-grenside….a lovely bloke who i met via max melton when he did all of our hair & make-up on the “french brexit song” video (which, by the way, has hit over  800k views on youtube. who knew?)

here’s a review of the whole night:

https://www.musicomh.com/classical/reviews-classical/playing-in-the-dark-barbican-hall-london

the evening also had special guest performers singer simon butteriss and david tenant as guests. the program was recorded and aired on BBC radio as part of their christmas program.

the song was chosen for its relevance to “good omens”, the TV show that neil spent the better part of 2015-2019 writing and showrunning.

there’s a line in the song about angels dining at the ritz. if you know the show, you get the joke. this is michael sheen (the angel aziraphale) and david tenant (the fallen angel crowley)…at the ritz. get it?

………….

jherek and i worked on the arrangement together, and i wanted it to have that sweeping classic 30s sound, without being too silly.

here are some of the versions that we were listening to when we worked on it:

frank sinatra: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2hTsUwmXavk

nat king cole: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kyofs0mreCc

vera lynn: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xTeiYN_Vq6E

…there was a version that tori amos did as well, for the credits of good omens: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ttarBjfumtc

…………

more goodness.

here are some photos from the event taken by photographer mark allan.

conductor mihhail gerts, who was wonderful to work with:

neil, reading:

simon butteriss (singing gilbert & sullivan)….

me, in a DIFFERENT FROCK, reading “the mushroom hunters” (if you wanna hear that one, go here

david tenant, reading from “good omens”:

from “a nightingale sang in berkeley square”…..

curtain call…

here’s some shots of the rehearsal with the orchestra, a few days before the gig….

and for fun, jherek’s lovely notation on the “mushroom hunters” score. i loved this….

“slide up and down, like you are on drugs!” god i love jherek.

and….some words from jherek bischoff himself, who arranged the piece for the orchestra:

Ahoy, Amandaland!

Well shoot… This really made me feel some feelings over here in LA. Last year was absolutely bananas. I was traveling for half the year and, I kid you not, wrote and premiered:

My first opera

My first symphony

My first ballet

Music for the theater adaptation of Neil Gaiman’s Ocean at the End of the Lane

And countless side projects as an arranger and musician for a whole bunch of amazing people/bands and orchestras.

To say the year was bananas is a serious understatement.

In the midst of all of that, I got an email one evening from Amanda and Neil asking if I could do an arrangement of Nightingale and also write new music for The Mushroom Hunters for a concert they were doing with the BBC Symphony Orchestra.

These kinds of requests are like bolts of lightning for my soul. I never IN A MILLION YEARS thought I would find myself in such incredible company. The BBC ORCHESTRA with NEIL GAIMAN and AMANDA PALMER!?!? I mean, it really is just a magical world sometimes. It makes this present moment feel a little more… well… depressing! After such an incredible year last year, nearly every project I had planned got postponed for who knows how long. It is such a bummer.  For now, I will just live vicariously through these recordings and try to stay as positive as I can!

I wrote these arrangements while in London working on Ocean at the End of the Lane. I was staying at a friend’s house, and the heater was broken, so for a few nights, after very long days in rehearsal at the National Theater, I would bring my dinner and a couple of beers into my bedroom and work on these into the morning. Remember how I said last year was bananas??? Well, even though I was in London for a couple of months, I missed the darn show! Just a few days before the show, I had to fly to Seattle to see the premiere of my ballet and then flew back to London a couple of days later. I can’t believe I couldn’t be there! I am so happy that the performance was so beautifully captured, and everyone can hear it now. I am so lucky to be a part of Amanda’s crew!

Love to you and your loved ones, hoping you’re all healthy and happy.

Jherek

…..

we love you, jherek.

……

here are some more portraits & snaps below by charlie clift, from the photoshoot we did right before the gig. though you’d like to see them. this was outside a pub down the street…

here’s max and james…HELP!!!! we are blowing away!!!

WINE.

i mean you gotta.

at this point in the evening.

we got yelled at by the cops and told to move.

it was SO cold.

this was further down the street from the barbican, in the courtyard of some restaurant….

and then we decided to polish off the shoot on a traffic island. because, why not…

and here are some more lovely shots of the night…

getting mic’d up….

artists only….

THE LYRICS:

That certain night, the night we met
There was magic abroad in the air
There were angels dining at the Ritz
And a nightingale sang in Berkeley Square

I may be right, I may be wrong
But I’m perfectly willing to swear
That when you turn’d and smiled at me
A nightingale sang in Berkeley Square

The moon that lingered over London town
Poor puzzled moon, he wore a frown
How could he know we two were so in love
The whole damn world seemed upside down

The streets of town were paved with stars
It was such a romantic affair
And as we kissed and said goodnight
A nightingale sang in Berkeley Square

I know, ’cause I was there…
That night in Berkeley Square

…..

CREDITS:

Vocals: Amanda Palmer

Arrangement: Jherek Bischoff

The BBC Symphony Orchestra

Conductor: Mihhail Gerts

BBC Radio 3 Recording Engineer: Robert Winter
BBC Radio 3 Recording Producer: Ann McKay
FOH Engineer: Griff Hewis
Barbican Lighting: Matt Barnes
Tom Philpott: Planning Manager, BBC Symphony Orchestra

Produced in association with BBC Radio 3 and the BBC Symphony Orchestra

A Nightingale Sang at Berkley Square by Manning Sherwin, arranged by Jherek Bischoff and was recorded by the BBC on 12 November, 2019 at the Barbican Hall and first broadcast on BBC Radio 3 on 23rd December 2019.

Recording mastered by Jherek Bischoff

(p) 2019 BBC.  The copyright in the recording is owned by the BBC. The BBC word mark and logo are trademarks of the British Broadcasting Corporation and used under licence.  BBC Logo © BBC 2007  Licensed exclusively by Eight Foot Records, 2019

……..

oh one thing….the gorgeous silvery vintage 60s dress, btw, was found in a little vintage clothing store a few days before in a place called alfie’s….near where neil and i were living at the time in london, on lisson grove….

i wonder when it’ll open again.

anyone know?

…….

one last one.

here’s me and neil, backstage.

so close and yet so far.

such love.

i know, cause i was there.

xx

a

——THE NEVER-ENDING AS ALWAYS———

IF YOU’RE IN THE USA…..DON’T FORGET TO REGISTER TO VOTE IN THE NOVEMBER 2020 ELECTION. you can register to vote, find your local voter registration deadlines, update your voter registration, check that your registration is still on the books, find your polling place and other important election information HERE at http://headcount.org

and

1. if you’re a patron, please click through to comment on this post. at the very least, if you’ve read it, indicate that by using the heart symbol.

2. see All the Things i’ve made so far on patreon: https://amandapalmer.net/patreon-things

3. JOIN THE SHADOWBOX COMMUNITY FORUM, find your people, and discuss everything: https://forum.theshadowbox.net/

4. new to my music and TOTALLY OVERWHELMED? TAKE A WALK THROUGH AMANDALANDA….we made a basic list of my greatest hits n stuff (at least up until a few years ago, this desperately needs updating) on this lovely page: http://amandalanda.amandapalmer.net/

5. general AFP/patreon-related questions? ask away, someone will answer: patronhelp@amandapalmer.net

The post “a nightingale sang in berkeley square” with the BBC Symphony Orchestra {official Thing} appeared first on Amanda Palmer.

dear ones.

happy father’s day, everybody. that’s a picture of me and my dad, taken by my mom,  when i was just a tiny baby in 1976.

life is weird and long eh?. and things always keep changing. i know a lot of people with complicated relationships to their dads. me and my own dad, jack, have had a complicated relationship, a lot of it marked by separation, distance, and sometimes confusion.

what i’m going through right now in my own marriage and mothering is bringing up a lot of that old story for me…..my folks got divorced when i was about the size of ash in this picture, and me in the above picture.

walking back, over time, and carefully as i can, towards my dad has also been a walk back towards myself.

not an easy walk.

when things break and change and shift, it can be really hard to know how to put them back together.

where to start?

i imagine a lot of people are trying to piece a lot of things together right now, after long periods of shift and change, lockdown, uncertainty….. relationships, homes, patterns, routines, hearts.

the work can seem impossible, exhausting, confusing.

music has helped me.

music has been a lot of the medicine-catalyst for a lot of the coming together between me and my dad…..listening to it, making it, bonding over it.

music and art is just….magic, isn’t it?

art can be the heart-glue-soundtrack of a deeper connection and set of gears and dials that we can never really name.

brian (of the dresden dolls) and i have been discussing this over text lately, as we go over old dolls footage and recordings and start to untangle the meaning of what we made back in the 2000s.

sometimes it’s so hard to put words around what music does….to emotions, to your brain, what it does to your heart, what it can change in you. what it can be used for, to heal rifts and make space for something new to grow.

………….

a couple years ago – before ash was born – me and my dad got together for a few weeks and we made a simple little covers record, using the support and funding from this patreon.

it was, for me, a real high point of this patreon – to be supported by my art-family to make healing music with my blood-family.

it was a dream to be able to just have fun and play and sing and record what we wanted, how we wanted, without much commercial concern, in a beautiful little church-studio near my house in woodstock. my old engineer from the “who killed amanda palmer” sessions in nashville, joe costa, moved into my house in woodstock for a few weeks and engineered and mixed the record. we got to eat together every day and my dad got to spend a lot of time with ash-the-baby.

the whole thing was a joy.

so.

if you want a little cry today, here’s us singing “i love you so much” from the record….it was written by my boston songwriter pal, noah britton:

https://amandapalmer.bandcamp.com/track/i-love-you-so-much-noah-britton

…….

and to all dads, all children of all beings…..wherever you are….

hang in there.

i love you so much.

x

a

p.s. all photos by kyle cassidy.

the whole album, which is mostly covers of old songs we both liked, is up on bandcamp, here, for $1: https://amandapalmer.bandcamp.com/album/you-got-me-singing-2 (and if you’re a $3 patron, the download code is here, in case you weren’t around at the time….it’s all yours fer free: https://www.patreon.com/posts/6085767)

there’s a whole page about the record here: https://amandapalmer.net/you-got-me-singing/

track list:

You Got Me Singing
Wynken, BLynken And Nod
Again
Vincent Black Lightning
Louise Was Not Half Bad
Black Boys On Mopeds
All I Could Do
In The Heat Of The Summer
Pink Emerson Radio
Skye Boat Song
Glacier
I Love You So Much

The post happy father’s day….i love you so much. appeared first on Amanda Palmer.

hey loves.

love from hastings, aotearoa new zealand. i’m here and i’m reading comments. i hope you’re all doing okay. i love you.

it was just juneteenth.  for my readers outside of the states who may not be familiar, today – june 19th – is an important date in america. from wikipedia: Juneteenth (a portmanteau of June and nineteenth; also known as Freedom Day, Jubilee Day, Liberation Day, and Emancipation Day, is a holiday celebrating the emancipation of those who had been enslaved in the United States. . Originating in Texas, it is now celebrated annually on the 19th of June throughout the United States, with varying official recognition. Specifically, it commemorates Union army general Gordon Granger announcing federal orders in Galveston, Texas, on June 19, 1865, proclaiming that all slaves in Texas were free.

…………..

the lasting legacy of racism, slavery, and white supremacy in the states is tangled and terrible, and the end of suffering is not anywhere close at hand.

i can only hope we’ll see the end of racism in country in my lifetime. it seems like a hard dream to dream. maybe my son will get to live in a society where racism isn’t normal.

……….

i’ve talked about some of the below before, but it’s time to talk about it again.

last november, i played a show in paris at the bataclan, and to honor and address the massacre that took place in the club, i pulled out an old song, “guitar hero”, whose lyrics speaks to the sick mentality that might lead a human to dehumanize and shoot a bunch of other humans.

that song, written and recorded after the columbine school shootings in 2007/8, contained the n-word (n***a, coming from the mouth of the song’s deranged fictional “shooter”) and i chose to leave the lyric in when i performed it in paris. i’ve said it numerous times now, but to be crystal clear: it was a stupid and insensitive mistake, one that i’ve been examining and grappling with since that day in paris. i am sorry that i did it. i have changed and that word will get cut from the song. i can’t pull the song from the digital shelves, because i don’t own the master (it’s owned by the record label), but certainly any future performances or recordings of the song won’t include the word.

i wrote a long post when this all happened, and apologized from the heart on twitter for any hurt the lyric would have caused.

then things got complicated. the longer post that i wrote at the time was for patrons only, so that people of color could speak freely within the community about racism and what had happened.

once i post a private post and there are comments, for ethical reasons, i never flip that post to be public.

but since many people not on my patreon would like to read it (and have been asking to read it), there’s a simple workaround:

i’ve made the entire original post public over on my website, without including the comments (since i do not have the consent of the original commenters to share their private comments, and to get the consent of that many people would have been a massive pain):

https://blog.amandapalmer.net/race-compassion-community-ask-patrons-color-3/

like many of my posts, the comments and discussion below my own words are actually the best and most articulate part….i encourage you to read it – comments, responses, and all – on patreon.

………….

this whole episode has given me – you can imagine – a lot to think about and learn from.

i recently watched a video, called “canceling”, from a fellow patreon-user named natalie wynn a.k.a. contrapoints.

here’s the link:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OjMPJVmXxV8

it’s as long as a feature film, but i found myself so sucked into it (and feeling such relief at the considered, hilarious and thorough breakdown of cancel culture) that i watched to the very end even though i’d only meant to spend 10 minutes…it’s really, really good.

she nails so many important points, and anybody familiar with my many internet kerfuffles will probably see why i appreciated this deep-dive.

my friends, i’ve been canceled so many times i should have a loyalty card. at the moment, this a real twitter account:

the person who runs that account spends their time commenting on a lot of my tweets; and they tweet to my friends and collaborators saying things like “do you really want to support a racist”, and so forth. and then there’s a collage somewhere on youtube of me playing “fuck the police” by NWA that this person keeps reposting under any and all discussion threads.

so, let’s talk about that.

back in 2009, i did a live ukulele cover of NWA’s “fuck the police” (an anthem for our times if there ever was one) a few times.

i grew up in a very affluent white neighborhood in massachusetts.

i discovered NWA in around 1990, in high school, when someone pressed a dub tape of “straight outta compton” into my hands and said: you need to listen to this.

while i was into tracy chapman and other overtly political agit-folk, i’d never, ever heard lyrics like this before.

i’d never been confronted with a reality as described by eazy-e, dr. dre, and ice cube. i’d never known, until listening to that record, that there were a bunch of marginalized and badly-treated black guys somewhere in california getting unfairly brutalized by cops and gunned down in their own neighborhoods just because they were black.

here is a link to the track “fuck the police”. if you’ve never heard it, go listen.

may i quote NWA for a moment here:

Fuck the police comin’ straight from the underground
A young n***a got it bad ’cause I’m brown
And not the other color so police think
They have the authority to kill a minority

do these lyrics resonate?

this was 1989.

my high school was not teaching me this shit.

music was.

…..

now….would i cover it again, knowing what i know now, having read a lot more, learned a lot more, spoken with a lot more people…listened a lot more?

no.  i wouldn’t. can i apologize for having done it? absolutely. i’ll do that right now. i’m sorry i covered that song.

i’ve learned a lot since then, and would never tread so un-carefully on a cover song without thinking more carefully first about what those lyrics might mean to somebody, and how they hit the ears and hearts of others.

a lot of shit has changed since NWA released that song in 1989, and a lot of shit has changed since i covered it in 2009.

and, obviously, a lot of shit hasn’t changed at all: america is still full of racism.

george floyd still wound up with a white policeman’s knee on his neck.

black lives still continue to not matter in my country, and all over the planet.

……………..

while i’m here and going deep, the live “fuck the police” ukulele song was a medley of sorts, and when i would play the intro, it would lead into the song that i released as my first free-from-my-label/self-released song “do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth so help your black ass”.

that song contained the lyrics “…you can bet your black ass that i’m going to” in every chorus.

there’s a context there, which was, in part, why i tacked the “fuck the police” onto the start of “do you swear….” to begin with.

the lyric was an homage to the NWA song. here, again, is the NWA song, for context, this is how it starts:

“Right about now, N.W.A. court is in full effect
Judge Dre presiding
In the case of N.W.A. vs. the Police Department
Prosecuting attorneys are:
MC Ren, Ice Cube
And Eazy motherfuckin’ E”

“Order, order, order
Ice Cube, take the motherfuckin’ stand
Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth
And nothin’ but the truth so help your black ass?”

“You Goddamn right!”

“Well, won’t you tell everybody what the fuck you gotta say?”

Fuck the police comin’ straight from the underground….

do i apologize about that “black ass” lyric, too?

yes, i do. absolutely. it’s offensive. i have been mulling about what to change that lyric to, when and if i play “do you swear…” live, and i’m wide open to suggestions. like “guitar hero”, the lyric is easily changeable.

sweet ass?

fine ass?

damn ass?

bad ass?

broke ass?

the crowd here is invited to weigh in as to a better lyric. i’m all ears, and i love crowd-help. it will not be the first time i’ve asked the crowd to help me improve of change a lyric, and it probably won’t be the last.

……….

speaking of us and our relationship….there’s also something to be said here about art, timing, and accountability over time.

around the time i was playing these songs – “guitar hero”, “fuck the police”, “do you swear…” – back in 2008/9, nobody was talking much about this, and there was not a controversy about the lyrics. so i continued playing them. and i was playing these songs for lots of people.

someone pointed out on the internet a few days ago – when this question of “whether amanda palmer was a racist” came up – that an audience is also complicit. this is not to shame anyone here. not at all.

this is to remind you that nothing progresses within a vacuum, that we are in a relationship. we are a unit, you and me.

i sing, and you listen.

you talk to me, you write to me, you comment, you see me after shows. and i listen.

an audience and an artist, if things are working well, are always on trip together. some people reading this have been in a relationship with me for almost twenty years.

and it is…a real relationship.

a loving one. and a good, healthy and loving relationship allows for mistakes, pain, growth, change – on all sides.

being called upon to change things is something i’ll continue to welcome. it may not always be easy or simple (i guarantee you, it will never be simple), but it will be…real.

……..

i’ve often been described by the press as an “unapologetic” artist.

it’s sometimes high praise, and sometimes high criticism.

it seems to me that there is a deep power – especially nowadays, in a clickbait-centric, dumpster-fire-internet world – in knowing exactly where to be truly apologetic, and where to stand one’s ground.

i think a lot of white people in america – and all over the world, no doubt – are struggling with these exact growing pains as statues and ideas are toppled off literal and figurative pedestals.

things needs to be re-thought.

re-written.

re-made.

re-contextualized.

and so: i promise, to you, and to myself, and especially to anyone in my community who is not white and needing to hear it direct from my mouth: i want to help, grow and do the work to change. to figure it out…..and to be apologetic where and when it is needed.

i will trust this community to grow with me and help guide me. you always have.

i’ll make mistakes in the future, of that i can be almost certain.

i maintain that it’s better keep learning and growing than to hide and to wither. better get it a little bit wrong and have to reconstruct a lyric or a setlist than to simply – as can be really tempting – duck out of the game altogether.

i have thought a lot in the last littoe while about how i can use this patreon, this platform, and my general social media reach to uplift fellow black artists and pass them the mic, and i won’t stop doing that.

one of the things i’ve been doing this month is arranging a handover of my instagram and patreon feed to black voices and creators – from america, but also globally. it’s going really well (here’s a post). the community has been awesome and supportive all around. let’s keep doing that.

i’m also working working on a song release for a good charity with a surprise collaborator. more on that very soon. i think you will all love it.

………..

damn, my friends.

everybody i know is very exhausted right now.

exhausted by entrenched racism, exhausted by the loud and un-nuanced internet, exhausted by not getting things right, exhausted by trying and failing, exhausted by… everything.

maybe, in our exhaustion, we can find a new opening…a space…a clearing, a better way of listening and learning from one another. i want to do this, and i want to do it with you.. i hope you do, too.

i love you deeply.

i see you.

now….let’s get on with the work of making this world a better fucking place to be.

x

a

p.s. i’ve started a dedicated thread on the forum/shadowbox if you want to have a discussion with me and each other. it’s here, and i’ll be reading comments here and over on the box all week and into the future. may the conversation continue, forever, with compassion: https://forum.theshadowbox.net/t/on-racism-words-art-time-and-progress/3913

The post on racism, words, art, time and progress. appeared first on Amanda Palmer.

hallo loves.

greetings from hastings, aotearoa, where i’m losing my mind slightly less. i’m even going to be playing a show this weekend….that’s right, i am not kidding: i am going to busk at the napier farmer’s market from 9am-1pm. this is what my life has become. i am taking my ukulele to the farmer’s market and taking whatever i make and buying some kale. this really is the life for me, here in new zealand. i’m not telling social media. i’m just telling you. see you there.

meanwhile…

i hope you’re all okay wherever you are and things are easing up and not too difficult. a lot of my friends are having really hard times at the moment….a kind of very-long-term exhaustion and confusion seems to be kicking in for a lot of people. i know at least three couples breaking up or getting divorced. some are having babies, too. is it maybe just always like this and right now everything feels greatly magnified? probably.

i have spent so much of my time in a personal free-fall for the last month that i feel i hardly know you anymore.

i miss posting here all the time and having time to read comments. i miss feeling connected on the internet. part of it is the time change and part of it is just the exhaustion of single-parenting in a new community, plus a house move, plus all of the usual….but i miss everybody.

i’m still here. i love you and i hope everythings okay.

i know everything is not okay.

feel free to just check in in the comments with how your’e doing.

and whatever is happening….

i am sending you my love, my support, my heart.

i am holding your pain, your exhausted pain.

i’m here. i’m exhausted, too,

but i’m here….

in a pile

of love.

let’s throw our tired arms around one another in an exhausted embrace.

shall we?

we shall.
…………..

i did a zoom call this morning with over 90 people from the live music industry, led by headcount.org.

it was a lot of musicians, managers, agents, and promotor people talking about how we can GET THE VOTE OUT:

get ready to be real bothered by a ton of artists nagging you to register to vote.

i don’t need to tell you how critical it is.

and a lot of people are going to need to vote by mail this season.

it may get confusing. but it doesn’t need to be, and we all have to pull together to make sure EVERY SINGLE PERSON YOU KNOW IS REGISTERED TO VOTE, AND THEN ACTUALLY VOTES.

start here. headcount is such a great organization…i’ve worked with them for almost two decades on tour – they are the experts in MAKING SURE NORMAL PEOPLE JUST KNOW SHIT. if you’re young and you’re sort of intimidated about the voting process: DON’T BE. just go to headcount.org and start poking around.

promise me:

https://www.headcount.org/

promise me you will vote.

promise.

promise.

……………….

and just a short note/recap, as promised, about the instagram live…a little recap of what happened the other day when melz owusu from Free Black University took over my IG feed and we did a long chat together.

melz is hard at work with black lives matter uk and just wanted to pass along the message that they are deeply appreciative of your support and for joining us on the live.

let me echo that. it was really nice to see so many of you there…..and i DO think we should probably do more of these using crowdcast, as instagram being owned by facebook makes me squitchy, and i’d like to get more and more things happening off FB and IG.

i’m currently working on securing a few more guests and am trying to do a takeover like this once a week or so. it’s hard with the many time changes, but i’m on it. if you have any ideas, throw them my way.

and….i am still working on a post about my own thoughts – old and new – about my personal accountability when it comes to race, choices, privilege. this is really good and hard stuff to be thinking about now. and it is good to be moving slowly, making small but deliberate choices in what feels like the right direction. that’s all we can do at the moment.

…………………….

here is the patreon post where i announced the takeover: https://www.patreon.com/posts/38118110 …. if you haven’t read that yet, please check it out… it has some background info on melz as well as a link to their TEDx talk.

the best news is that melz’s gofundme for Free Black University raised about $10k during the takeover. if you donated, i just want to personally thank you for stepping up. THANK YOU. money is real.

by the way, shout out….

how did this even happen? it’s worth pointing out that the free black uni gofundme fundraiser was shared HERE, by hannah on a patreon post last week….where i encouraged patrons to use the comments to share stuff they were they were supporting:

https://www.patreon.com/posts/black-lives-37857676

just goes to show that a spark can light a fire.

THANK YOU, HANNAH.

so, NOW, if you missed the takeover because of time/timezones, etc:
you can watch an archive of the stories melz shared in my IG story feed, collected here in a highlight:
https://www.instagram.com/stories/highlights/17904182278468569/

and you can watch the archive of our instagram live stream here….it’s had over 30k views, hoorah.

this is available to view on web and in app:

https://www.instagram.com/p/CBT8avdFh3-/

the fund is now at £41,000, let’s keep it going…..donate here:

https://www.gofundme.com/f/the-free-black-university

………

more……reading list!!!

here are two books that melz recommended as a good place to start when considering issues of race:

How to Be Less Stupid About Race by Crystal M. Fleming

White Fragility: Why It’s So Hard for White People to Talk About Racism by Robin Diangelo

and one for the more advanced movement builder:

Unapologetic: A Black, Queer and Feminist Mandate for Radical Movements by Charlene A. Currthers

more more more….

here are some books melz recommended in the IG story feed:

Freedom is a Constant Struggle by Angela Y. Davis

Assata: An Autobiography by Assata Shakur

melz and i discussed both being really inspired by this book by octavia butler.

if you’re into feminism, climate crisis, SF, and a great story….THIS IS THE ONE…..

i read this one in college during a course on the end of the world. no shit.

Parable of the Sower by Octavia E. Butler 

i’m not posting amazon links to poke you into using your local independent book shops…..there are some great lists online of independent black-owned bookstores, and if you can, i encourage you to order from one if them. here’s a place to get started:

https://lithub.com/you-can-order-today-from-these-black-owned-independent-bookstores/

………

thats it fer now loves

more soon.

i love you.

xx

AFP

——THE NEVER-ENDING AS ALWAYS———

1. if you’re a patron, please click through to comment on this post. at the very least, if you’ve read it, indicate that by using the heart symbol.

2. see All the Things i’ve made so far on patreon: https://amandapalmer.net/patreon-things

3. JOIN THE COMMUNITY FORUM, find your people, and discuss everything: https://forum.theshadowbox.net/

4. new to my music and TOTALLY OVERWHELMED? TAKE A WALK THROUGH AMANDALANDA….we made a basic list of my greatest hits n stuff (at least up until a few years ago, this desperately needs updating) on this lovely page: http://amandalanda.amandapalmer.net/

5. general AFP/patreon-related questions? ask away, someone will answer: patronhelp@amandapalmer.net

The post a love note, a vote note, & recap of the Free Black University instagram takeover appeared first on Amanda Palmer.

oh man.

in the midst of all that is happening, i would like to pause…even pause the pause….and say goodbye to a dear, beloved member of the dresden dolls community.

casey porter (who many will know as ksea flux from the shadowbox and elsewhere) just passed from this existence.  my heart is a little emptier today knowing he is gone, and many in this community knew him, and i wanted you all to know. he died at home in california, surrounded by his friends and loved ones.

casey was a long-time ally and cohort of the dresden dolls…he helped at countless shows and led the brigade (our motley group of performances artists) on the west coast during our heyday of touring. he then joined forces with vau de vire, a san francisco-based circus/performance art troupe that we often collaborated with.

he was also a ringleader at the boston shooting of our first DVD, “dresden dolls live at the paradise”…..here he is in full-stilted glory.

(photos care of david rodwin, we tried to find a credit, please let me know if you have one).

……

and

here’s a gorgeous group-photo of casey and a pile of the vau de vire gang….at a show that probably would have been on the west coast in 2004 or 2005…that’s casey on the right in the face paint.

i imagine he was as happy in this moment as i would have been….

literally held in the bosom of a loving community…

this is why we do this. this is how we always want to feel.

……………….

casey blogged some really beautiful reflections of his time with the brigade and the dolls, and i’d love for you to do his memory the small honor of going over there and reading:

https://kseaflux.wordpress.com/tag/dresden-dolls/

he also included this statement in his post about the dolls…

“Twelve years & four days ago I decided to follow my dreams, whatever they were & whatever it took. Shortly after I was working with The Dresden Dolls & my life changed forever…..Four years & a month ago I talked with my Birth Mother for the first time in my life.”

with this photo…..

we lose and we find our families. we search, we yearn, we stumble.

we try.

casey brought so much family-energy, family-joy, contagious ridiculousness, and an expansive sense of WE ARE DOING into the organizing of the brigade….which was almost more of a philosophical undertaking some nights than just “a job”. HOW CAN WE MAKE SOMETHING MAGICAL?!!?! – this was his question. his bright face said it all. the dark sometimes overtook. this is the way of things.

he was a striver, a seeker. he confronted pain. he didn’t always win the confrontation, but he lived large, loud, the colors around him exploded and fizzed. his magnetic charisma was almost weirdly blinding, espeicially when he was in his element, entertaining, cavorting, connecting. he loved love. he knew pain. he lived high and low and thick and thin. he was a great writer.

as happens with death, the news came at me from over in america from a lot of different sources…from sxip, from brian.  from whitney moses, who many of you also know from her time on tour with me, and who knew casey better than i did, and who got to be there in his final moments.

a mutual friend of ours, david rodwin, also kept me updated over the last few days via whats app, and i sent videos and recordings for him to play in casey’s ear. thank you so much, david. for caring. for reaching out. for being a bridge.

here’s a photo of whitney and casey back in (probably about) 2005:

here is casey all gussied up….

and here is casey, man after my own heart, busking as a living statue….

sharing his shine with the streets.

………….

whit took this photo for me of casey’s bookshelf-view from his room yesterday.

there i am. there’s neil. there’s his hat. there’s life.

whitney wrote this beautiful tribute in the patreon facebook group.…

Rest in Power, kSea Flux. Here’s to all the magic, mischief, and generosity you brought into this world. This whiskey shot is for you dear friend. *clink*

Many of you old schoolers might remember kSea from the early days of the Dresden Dolls. He wrangled the brigade for a spell, and helped with the DVD filming in New York. He’s always been a dreamer, a radical star child with a life force stronger than the odds. He fought decades of chronic illness with a style and grace none could deny.

kSea died died last night in the company of loved ones in his own home fighting hard to the last breath. We took a shot a of whiskey in his honor and he left this realm moments later. Less than 10 minutes after that there were beautiful fire works out the window. He finally gets a damn break from the pain he’s been suffering.