*big big big giant sigh*

Things will get better, right?

Week 13 Ironman Louisville Training: 12.7 hours; Swim: 6916.8 yards; Bike: 75 miles; Run: 13.7 miles.

Monday, May 13: 40-minute swim in the morning. The pool at Shant’s gym is sooooo warm. Feels great! We even relax in the hot tub for a bit.

Tuesday, May 14: Rest day looked a little something like this:

Will Rodgers State Beach

Busted out the bikini and enjoyed the sun and some reading…about training, of course. I get home a few winks to midnight since I missed my flight home, but at least I got home in one piece that night.

Wednesday, May 15: Swim 1:15, Bike 1:30 in the evening

Thursday, May 16: Swim 1:15, Bike 2:00 in the evening

Friday, May 17: Team training in the morning. Great sweat session with a few of the girls who are also training with my coach. I followed it up with an indoor trainer ride for 1:30 in the evening after dinner with my friend.

Saturday, May 18: First open water swim of the season. At 8am. YIKES that was early! It was also on my way to the Rock n Roll expo in Portland, which made way for good conversation. Pretty sure my wetsuit shrank or something because it was slightly embarrassing how long it took to pull on. I got into the water and it was a lot warmer than expected. I was too chicken to go out and swim in the lake with the big kids so I swam around the docks in the shallow end. As I started swimming everything I learned went out the window…bilateral breathing? NOPE! Reach and pull? NOPE! It was terrifying Where did my blue line go? My sighting was off. I felt so strange and out of place. I think I’m being hard on myself but I really began doubting the whole 2.4 mile swim leg of the Ironman. C’mon….no wet suit…river currents…a couple thousand of other people in the water splashing around me too. Being in the lake this weekend made it seem like I had ever even swam in the ocean before or survived the LA tri. I really need to find more clinics for practice. It also kind of freaks me out that my next tri this weekend is in a lake And it’s a 4-5 hour drive away, one way What have I gotten myself into?!

Open water swimming at American Lake. Just swam back and forth in this small boxed area.

Sunday, May 19: Rock n Roll Portland Half Marathon. It was a hillier race than anticipated and I finished slower than I wanted. I tried something new this time and kept a pretty continuous pace throughout the race. I’m sure if the race was flat I would’ve PR’d. Oh well. Race recap soon!

Rock n Roll Marathon Series

“Impossible is just a big word thrown around by small men who find it easier to live in the world they’ve been given than to explore the power they have to change it. Impossible is not a fact. It’s an opinion. Impossible is not a declaration. It’s a dare. Impossible is potential. Impossible is temporary. Impossible is nothing.” -Muhammad Ali

So what is a large looming Ironman goal without a ton of other sub-goals? Here we go:

1) Finish my first Olympic distance tri on May 26th (Memorial Day Weekend)
2) Pace myself well enough at my first olympic tri for my 3.5 hour training ride the next day
3) Run 2 half marathons in the next 2 months (Rock n Roll Portland and Rock n Roll Seattle) and grab myself a Twin Peaks medal, Triple Crown medal, and Grand Slam medal
4) Stretch goal: Rock n Roll San Diego half marathon in June (I’ll have to convince my boyfriend of that one…)
5) Race 2 Olympic tris this summer: Onion Man Tri (on May 26th) and Lake Wilderness Tri (on June 15th)
6) Complete my first Olympic distance tri relay in July with the tri team (I’ll be doing the bike leg)
7) Make it out of training without race-threatening injuries
8) Get my running mileage in, without fail, concentrating on optimizing my performance for mile 13-20.
9) Get my 80 mile, 100 mile, and 120 mile bike rides in without injury
10) Learn how to disassemble my bike into a bike box and re-assemble it
11) Meticulously plan my race for Ironman Louisville. No more looking at the maps and logistics info the night before the race.
12) Nail my race nutrition plan
13) Get in a handful of open water swim clinics in
14) Get comfortable swimming in open water without a wetsuit (This will be a very very tricky one…)
15) Stick to my training plan

I get the next 99 days to knock these items off my list! Let’s see if I can do it.

If it doesn’t challenge you, it doesn’t change you. Make it burn.

And yes, those workouts are supposed to be done and wrapped by 5am. I almost wonder if they are worth doing! I haven’t even packed yet. I should be in bed by now because if I’m asleep by 10pm then getting up at 2am would mean just 4 hours of sleep. It all sounds like crazy talk…

In between squeezing in an inhuman amount of training hours into my jam-packed weeks, I’m still wrestling with olympic tri vs. half tri for my tuneup race(s). If I do a half, the recovery time will be looooooong. It may impede with my ability to continue training for at least the week afterwards. An olympic tri means that I could bounce back pretty quickly. Plus, olympic tris are significantly cheaper…about a quarter of what it costs to race ONE half tri. Oy vey I’m so torn. There’s an olympic tri at the end of the month — the Onion Man Triathlon — and it’s right over Memorial Day weekend. I could take a road trip! What’s stopping me is the hotel fees…I’ve spent so much this month on my new bike, and a few other things that have cropped up, that I’m not sure if I should spend the cash. I could always hold out for the Lake Wilderness Tri in the middle of June, and then Seafair at the end of July. I really just want to maximize my race schedule, my budget, by willpower…I think racing will help me get back into the swing of racing. It’ll help light a fire under my butt to get even more serious about Louisville because yeah, it’s only 12 weeks away. HOLY CRAP IT’S ONLY TWELVE WEEKS AWAY.

Anywho, the mileage has been increasing. The time on my feet has increased too. My bad ankle is slowly taking a pounding again. My time seems to be disappearing into some sort of black hole and I can’t seem to string together any coherent sentences anymore for my blog so here’s what I did for the last two weeks. It seemed like the bigger challenge was just getting these workouts on my calendar, not necessarily the workouts themselves. Hey maybe I’m slacking. Anywho, too much thinking and not enough sleeping at this point. Toodles.

Monday, April 29: half hour swim

Tuesday, April 30: hour and a half on the bike

Wednesday, May 1: rest day

Thursday, May 2: 1-hour swim, 1:20 on the bike

Friday, May 3: 1-hour run, 45-minute tri team strength training

Saturday, May 4: 40-minute swim, 1 hour 10 minute run

Sunday, May 5: 2-hour bike ride, 1-hour run

Monday, May 6: 1 hour 15 minute swim, 40 minute run

Tuesday, May 7: 1 hour 10 minute ride, 45 minute strength training

Wednesday, May 8: 1 hour 30 minute swim, 1 hour 15 minute run

Thursday, May 9: 1 hour 20 minute swim, 1 hour 30 minute ride, 50 minute run

Friday, May 10: 45 minute run, 45 minute strength training session, 2 hour 30 minute ride

Saturday, May 11 (tomorrow): 2 hour 30 minute ride, 20 minute run

Sunday, May 12: rest day

I’ll still be training on vacation…more posts later.

I came really close to just giving it all up. At week 9, things seemed incredibly bleak. Being on light training for three weeks is a big deal. My endurance was down, my power was down. Everything seemed more difficult. But with 17 weeks to go from week 9 it seemed difficult, but not absolutely insurmountable.

Honestly, I’d rather take a DNF (did not finish) than a DNS (did not start). I’d rather take a 16:59:59 finish time than inevitably drowning myself in cheese, wine, ice cream, and sorrow on August 25th because I gave up on myself. My doctors and coach are keeping me in tip top shape. My boyfriend and friends are incredibly supportive. If they haven’t given up on me yet, why should I?

We will give up giving up – We will make it count

Some things I learned to be true:

1) If I don’t train in the morning, it won’t happen.
2) If I don’t train I feel like crap.
3) If I don’t make up my training, I feel really guilty.
4) If I don’t train first thing on Saturday and Sunday morning, say goodbye to my long rides and runs and eventually, Ironman.
5) When people start introducing you as “the girl who is training for an Ironman” it increases the pressure to actually finish this damn thing.
6) Training for the Ironman isn’t a solitary endeavor. It requires massive coordination with everyone in my life. That includes my friends, significant other, family, work, coach, cats. It’s like we’re all going through it together.
7) Getting derailed from your training schedule sucks. What sucks even more is the stupid things you do to get yourself in that rut to begin with.

Let’s do this thing.

Week 9 Ironman Louisville training:

5.5 hours of training; Swim: 1936 yards; Bike: 13.41 miles; Run: 6.61 miles. Still in recovery mode. (And I’m slightly down too.)

Monday, April 15: 1 hour swim cut down to 35 minutes. Panting in the pool is no fun.

Tuesday, April 16: 30-minute run before my tri team training session in the morning. Headed home for a 30-minute bike session.

Wednesday, April 17: Rest day. Work has me going nutty!

Thursday, April 18: Ended up skipping swim this day too. Spirits are low.

Friday, April 19: 30-minute run before my tri team training session in the morning. Headed home for a 30-minute bike session.

Saturday, April 20: Skipped my long ride. I don’t remember why I skipped it. I think my excuse was that I woke up too late so I wanted to tackle it on Sunday.

Sunday, April 21: 40 minute swim followed by a 45 minute run.

Week 10 Ironman Louisville training: 

15.7 hours of training; Swim: 5280 yards; Bike: 119.21 miles; Run: 11.83 miles for a total of 134 miles.

Monday, April 22: 40 minute swim followed by a 30 minute ride.

Tuesday, April 23: 30 minute run followed by a 50 minute tri team strength training session.

Wednesday, April 24: An hour on the bike at home, followed up with a 1-hour run to Gas Works Park and back. It was my first time on my feet outdoors. Felt great and took it incredibly slow.

Thursday, April 25: Headed to the gym super early for an early morning swim. Came back home (free parking runs out, you know?) and rode on my trainer for another hour and a half watching funny YouTube videos with my boyfriend. Followed up that evening with another swim (for a full 2.4 miles that day).

Friday, April 26: 20 minute run followed up with a 50 minute tri team strength training session. Followed it up with a half hour on the bike.

Saturday, April 27: An hour ride on the bike trainer. So now my bike is completely killing me. I get off really pouty and annoyed because I’m so sore, and I end up heading over to a few local bike shops. I think I found a good one but I want to check out one more store before I make the leap.

Sunday, April 28: 3.5 hour stationary bike ride (56 miles!!) and a 1 hour run on the treadmill.

Sometimes the strongest people are the ones who love beyond all faults, cry behind closed doors, and fight battles that nobody knows about.

Pardon me as I take a bit of a departure from the usual rhetoric of my blog. I’ve been itching — really, dying inside — to be able to lift the veil of what I’ve been willing to share here. Sometimes, things seem so pixel perfect on the surface, and perhaps they have been packaged as such. Just know that is there is always more than meets the eye.

Endurance. Endurance. Ironman is an endurance sport. What’s business does a designer, a once pageantry performer, a once cheerleader, a once obese 33.3% body fat sporting non-athlete have in training for such a feat? The marathon, however difficult and painful, wasn’t enough. My insatiability for pain — the self-inflicted, non-violent type — overrides any sort of logic at this point. I design, for a living. I design software. I design experiences around that software. I design around expectations, goals, and desires. I design to help business achieve its goals. I design to help people get what they want. I design to soften the friction between implementation and planning, although I love both. I try to bridge that gap.

Training for Ironman requires all of those things. I design my plan, based on my research, aggregation of data and feedback. There are assessments and benchmarks to take and meet along the way. I design my training, I design my travels, I design my experiences. There are logistical concerns, financial concerns, scheduling concerns, well-being concerns. Those are the concerns on the top of the surface that seem most superficial and easy to deal with.

What isn’t easy to deal with is what’s going on inside. My 29 years of personal-narrative collection. The events and times that plague me. The decisions I haven’t yet made. The parallel universes in which my past and future decisions all play out. The things I’ve yet to see and experiences I’ve yet to live through. There’s so much behind me and in front of me. But, what’s really inside?

There’s a lot of angst. A lot of anger. A lot of sadness. In the same vein, there is a lot of happiness and solitude, gratefulness and contemplative contentment. I’ve endured and I’ve survived. I’ve lived through more than a decade of sexual abuse. I’ve lived through rape in my adult life and the personal tragedy and emotional fallout that results from that. I’ve been attacked on two different continents — on both coasts of the United States and in a foreign country. I’ve seen evil in the face. It has eyes, it breathes, like me. By all accounts, things could’ve turned out terribly for me. I could be dead. I could be unhealthy. I could be diseased. But I am free of all of that because I’ve endured. I am still plagued by flashbacks and triggers but in all senses of the word I am a survivor. I’m not a victim. Being a victim is a state of mind. I am a survivor of my circumstances and they have shaped the person I have become. I can’t wish away the past but I can deal with the hand I’ve been dealt.

Plenty of times in my life, I’ve reacted to trauma and sadness and anger and confusion in the exact same way — I put my head down and I get to work. I get to work on solutions that can dig me out of the hole I find myself in. Don’t like the way I jiggle? Go for a run. Don’t like how much money is (not) in my bank account? Pick up another freelance client. Don’t like my job? Get another one. Don’t like my school? Transfer to another. Can’t stand a “friend”? Dump them. I hate the feeling of stagnation to the core like I hate nails on a chalkboard, a fork on ceramic plates, and interrupting incoming messages while tapping an important email on my phone. In retrospect, this is the classic definition of endurance. Relentless forward progress. Finding the silver lining, no matter how terrible things seem. Knowing that there is always a way out. Understanding that inaction is stagnation, and stagnation is death in real-time. “To endure is to expose ourselves to the world, to others, to the ravages of time and effort. (Jeff Edmonds)”

My heart is heavy. I feel like my life can go in so many different directions. Every possibility yields a parallel universe yet I’m only granted one life to live and one shot to get it “right,” whatever right means. Things like the Boston Marathon tragedy shake me from my usual hustle-bustle to remind me of that. I feel a silent somber for those who have directly suffered because of it, and my heart goes out to those who are quietly affected: those who are silently suffering, those who can’t seem to make sense of what goes on, those whom pain is triggered by stories and photos and videos of violence and gore like what we’ve proliferated through the internet. What I’ve read and seen and interpreted has effected me deeply and I’m trying to make sense of it. It’s the convergence of all of these events that have periodically unfolded in my life.

Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls.

I endure because I know no other way than this. Throwing in the towel is not an option. Quitting is not a possibility. It never has been — in school, in my career, in my quest for happiness of the non-fleeting kind. Every step I have taken has been carefully calculated. My internal scars are camouflaged as a relentlessly optimistic outlook, a tough exterior, a will to endure, a goal to be unbreakable. I have suffered and I’m not scared to admit it. But I will endure, and so will you, because after all, you have an untold story too.

All in all, I have it really good, given my circumstances. There is so much beauty and wonderment in this world. There is still so much to learn, so much to experience. I’ll never stop trying. I’ll never settle for anything less than best. It’s not an option for me, and it shouldn’t be for you.

They say that training and racing is mostly a matter of overcoming mental obstacles than physical ones. The diminished training schedule of the last two weeks have left me listless at best, questioning whether or not I have what it takes to make it to the finish line. I try to keep in mind that I’m pretty far along, being practically half-Ironman ready at week 7 is a big deal and that with enough work and perseverance I can make it to Louisville. Overall things still seem daunting but I don’t want to steer off plan too much for fear of losing any semblance of control.

If you haven’t already heard, this morning’s Boston Marathon ended abruptly with a few explosions that harmed more than a hundred people. When I read it, I wasn’t sure how I’d make sense of it. When something like this happens to a very close-knit community, it’s heartbreaking and devastating. We’ll probably never understand why it happened.

My thoughts are with the Boston Marathon runners and families

What hurts the most is knowing that it could’ve been any of us. My boyfriend and sometimes, my friends, tag along to my races. They wait for me at the finish line. A part of me is sad about what happened, but a bigger part of me is terrified that it could one day happen to me. What would I do if I made it to the end of my 140.6 journey and my family and loved ones were hurt in a senseless attack? I would feel completely helpless, not to mention at fault, for putting them in harm’s way. Either way, that’s speculative and it’s not really a road worth journeying on…it really just broods negative emotion. Running and training embodies a spirit of hope and wonderment. This was the antithesis of it.

Hope. Hope is really what keeps the dream alive.

Week 7 Ironman Louisville Training:

4 hours 50 minutes of training; 3.1 miles of swimming with some strength training thrown in

Monday, April 8: Rest + chiropractor visit

Tuesday, April 9: Ankle rehabilitative strength training. I used my left foot to pick up scraps of paper on the floor and used resistance bands to build in some flexibility and mobility into my joint. I finished off the session with some balance ball work to get my stabilizers back into the game. Swam for 0.9 miles in the evening.

Wednesday, April 10: Swam for a half mile + chiropractor visit

Thursday, April 11: Swam for a half mile in the morning, followed up with a functional assessment. It uncovered a lot of weaknesses overall on my left side, so I have plenty to work on.

Friday, April 12: Rest + chiropractor visit. I slept through my morning training (irritating), was late for my assessment results (infuriating) and then forgot my swimsuit at home by the time I got to the pool (world war 3). Ended up taking the day off to show my friend around town after a good frustrating cry session.

Saturday, April 13: 1.2 mile swim in an hour and 45. OUCH. I’ve lost a lot of speed in the pool. You’d think I’m swimming backwards or something. My swim cap also tore, which was an interesting problem to have.

Sunday, April 14: Rest

Relentless forward progress.

There are so many things you can do to heal your sprained ankle. Some sprains are worse than others, but here are some basic tips.

Here are the things I did to get my ankle up to speed. Thanks to some quick action by my core support group, I’m up and not-yet-running-but-you-understand-the-metaphor.

1) I immediately sat down when I twisted it and iced it (see point #2). Within 2-3 hours of twisting my ankle I got it checked out by 2 different docs, 1 of them being a chiropractor. My chiro adjusted it that morning (5 days ago) and again this morning, which really loosened all of the scar tissue and adhesions so that the stiffness went away. With the urgent care doctor, I got an ankle brace to immobilize the joint, some crutches to keep weight off of it, and x-rays to rule out any possible fractures. (There were no fractures and dislocations in my x-ray!)

2) Ice religiously. I iced every waking hour for about 15-20 minutes at a time. The ice was necessary for the pain, but also the swelling. Swelling = pain and pain = not good, so ice kept it at bay (mostly). Lucky for me I spent a lot of time off my feet with some work-from-home arrangements and a free weekend at my disposal. Ice, ice baby!

3) Take a 20-30 minute epsom salt bath every night. I’m not sure what it is about epsom salt baths that are so therapeutic, but they’re very relaxing and they help soothe sore muscles. I soaked in the tub mainly because I couldn’t stand, but by proxy I got to finally indulge in some of my fitness magazines while relaxing my stresses away. Lukewarm at this point is best, since heat will just aggravate any pain and swelling you have. When I was in cheer in college, there were ice whirlpools that you could soak your affected limbs in. It was hardly relaxing but at least it sped up the recovery process. Either way, soaking is good.

4) RICE: rest, ice, compression, elevation. Seriously. All of those are super important. Never neglect the basics. You’d be surprised at how much better you will feel once you take care of just these things.

5) 2-3 nightly ankle massages using Chan Yak Hin medicated oil. I picked this up in Chinatown in LA when I last rolled my ankle on the sidewalk last fall, and since then it’s been my little secret. Every time I take a tumble or roll, this medicated oil really speeds up the recovery process. Slathering it on isn’t enough though; you really have to work it in with a good massage. Having studied reflexology makes it easy for me, but don’t be scared to ask someone you trust for help with this one. (Massage always feels better when someone else is giving it!)

6) Elevate your foot while sleeping. I used one of the cushions from my futon that is in the shape of a half-dome. It’s flat on the bottom and goes nowhere, unlike some of by other head pillows. It’s also wide enough to stay in place and heavy enough that it won’t succumb to nocturnal soccer with my significant other.

7) Cut your training volume. This was probably what made me the most sad. Seeing all of those unfinished workouts and the unfinished hours accumulate was seriously dinging my psyche. I had to preemptively cut down on my next two week’s worth of workouts just to make sure that I didn’t injure myself by coming back too much too soon. (I’ve since added some more elliptical workouts because I feel like I can handle it at a low intensity.)

8) Eat a protein-heavy diet. Look, I’m no dietician but since I’m trying to recover from a strained ligament or muscle it makes sense to load up on some protein to give my body the tools it needs to do the job. My diet is generally pretty light on protein anyways so it was a nice change. I stuck to tofu, eggs, and protein shakes since I’m on a vegetarian diet.

9) Sleep 8+ hours a day. That’s saying something for someone who generally sleeps 5-6 hours a night. Again, lucky (or unlucky) for me I twisted my ankle right before the weekend so I got some good veg-out time to do absolutely nothing. Like, I would do things that required no brain-power from me: eating, watching movies, napping, etc. While sleeping your body does most of its recovery work (the Triathlete’s Training Bible says so!) and I really wanted to get my body in tip-top shape. Heck, I also needed the sleep from the insane hours I’ve been pulling at work and in training anyways…

10) Rehab exercises for ankles with someone who knows what they’re doing (i.e. kinesiologist, trainer, physical therapist, chiro). That last part is really important. Don’t just pull some exercises off the internet and start going at them at full speed. Work with people who’ve been trained in this stuff. They’re experts and will know when to push you and when to lay off. My trainer is a kinesiologist and my chiros are obviously trained in subluxations. It helps to have a set of expert eyes on your recovery. It’s definitely worth the investment if you have someone that you trust. I was terrified to set foot in the gym this morning, but when I sat down with my coach, he put together a set of great exercises to loosen up my ankle and to get the limp out of my walk. When I met with my chiro this morning, he examined the ankle and adjusted it so that my limp was completely eliminated. It was awesome.

Any other tips you want to share? My ankle no longer has acute pain but is still a bit sore, so I’m still icing and I’m all ears.

Consider what a long way you’ve come today

I know that a lot of people who are in Ironman training shun a lot of strength training, but I’ve found that I’ve gotten so much results from it that it doesn’t seem worth cutting out of my regimen. The theory is that most injuries that ironmen/women-in-training get are from strength training. So, let’s recap:

1) Shoulder injury during strength training? Check!
2) Hamstring injury during strength training? Check!
3) Ankle sprain during strength training? Check!

Hmmm. There’s a pattern. The common denominator is, of course, ME during strength training. I need to really focus on the work at hand rather than getting distracted or carried away. I’m getting a lot of results but in order to move forward I can’t keep moving backwards (or getting injured). It’s just so mentally draining!

So, what happened this time? I was not warmed up (like, at all) since I had to hop the bus to get the gym that morning. We started off with a session that was promised to be a bit more difficult than usual. There was a great circuit put together, and that dreaded tire from the hamstring injury made its appearance again. I shrugged it off like no big deal, and as I was doing my side-to-side agility jumps, my foot didn’t quite clear the jump and I landed on the soft side part of the tire with my left foot. My foot twisted in, and I tried to rebound by balancing myself on the squishy part, only to have my foot twist out and then I fall onto the floor of the gym. In the middle of workout. With two of my teammates pretty much (what’s the word?) shocked.

I sat out the remainder of the session, mostly aching and sad but primarily icing and trying to get my bearings straight. It was in a lot of pain initially, where I couldn’t stand up or get off the floor. I iced a bit and things loosened up, and then moved to another part of the gym where I wouldn’t get trampled by others. I kept icing and thought that maybe I could make it into the pool, but alas things were too intense in terms of the stiffness so I did what I thought was responsible at the time and sat out the rest of the day.

I had a chiro appointment that morning at 10am and one of the three docs was able to look at my ankle. He did a few range of motion tests and adjusted the joint, and worked on a few moves. I felt a lot of the pain and tension go away after his work and then followed it up with another doctors appointment to make a diagnosis. Nothing I didn’t already know — an ankle sprain, so I got myself into a small ankle brace and actually got to use crutches for the first time. Not fun at all. I headed out that same hour to get some x-rays taken of my ankle, and those came back all clear as well — no dislocations and no fractures. So, it seems like everything is in place and it is primarily a muscle/ligament issue. I have a massage appointment this Tuesday and this work week will be pretty heads-down, so we shall see how I will do. I have a referral for a physical therapist but honestly….the last thing I want to see is a doc. I just want to get back to training. That really sounds dumb but you know how you always try to take the path of least resistance? I probably shouldn’t, but I may consider doing this one by feel.

My sprained ankle all wrapped up

Week 6 Ironman Louisville Training:

3.7 hours;  Swim 1760 yards; Bike 13.5 miles; Run 4.1 miles

Monday, April 1: Off day. Too stressed.

Tuesday, April 2: 1 hour strength training, 1 hour swimming in the morning before work.

Wednesday, April 3: Off day. Too stressed.

Thursday, April 4: 1 hour bike ride, 50 minute run.

Friday, April 5: Twisted my ankle at tri team agility training in the morning.

Saturday, April 6: Primary pity day. I mostly eat and sleep.

Sunday, April 7: Secondary pity day. I mostly eat and watch movies, but I did pick up my bike from the bike shop. I haven’t even gotten a chance to play around with it so hopefully they did a good job.

So, with next week kind of up in the air, it’s really hard to plan for my workload. After a full week off (essentially) I think it would be responsible of me to take it easy getting back into the swing of things. I believe you’re supposed to cut down your workload by half (so, that’s half of a 14 hour week to 7 hours) and to keep everything pretty low intensity. Then, the week after that, cut down the expected workload by 25% (so, that’s 12 hours to 9 hours) and from there I should be able to take on 100% (14 hours) but of course that week I will be traveling so that will just throw a wrench into my plans. I’ve already preemptively deleted those workouts from my plan altogether so that I won’t freak out about how much I’m missing, but I think I have built a pretty good base that I can bank on for the next two weeks. I feel like I’m missing out but I don’t necessarily feel like I’m falling behind, since I’ve done a lot of pre-prep work. Prepping for my prepping. Oh man. I sound like I’m crazy but that’s because it’s true.

My ride started off a bit of an afterthought on Friday morning. I had heard that the weather was going to be exceptionally beautiful this weekend in Seattle. My longest ride to date was 42 miles or so on a stationary bike last December, and 29 miles on my real bike (outdoors) mid-January. With all of the training I really wanted to feel like I was making some sort of progress, and based on how I felt with some of my longer 30-40 mile rides on the trainer I felt that it was time to take myself for a test ride. On Friday, I mapped my route and did some research.

Again, this was the farthest I’ve ever gone. I’ve driven to Redmond ONCE and that was in October, when Shant was in town for Halloween. We went to visit a glass pumpkin patch all the way at Marymoor Park. On the map I saw all these cities that I’d generally deemed too far to drive to, let alone ride. Kenmore? Bothell? Woodinville? Redmond? I went along with the route, hoping that my naivete would carry me forward.

On Saturday morning, I lagged…majorly. I made breakfast and went back to sleep. I woke up again at around 10 o’clock and got things ready…got dressed in my gear, got my bike tires pumped, strapped my spare tube and air canisters on, filled up my Camelbak, and even decided to give my biking cleats a try.

Before my ride (a.k.a. before falling down and cutting myself and developing saddle owwwies). I had no clue what I was getting myself into!

I made it as far as my front door, perhaps even an extra 50 feet, before I clipped in and immediately proceeded to fall off my bike. I broke my fall by not tensing up (something that keeps repeating itself this weekend) and just kind of fell as gracefully as I could onto the pavement. I looked around and it didn’t seem like anyone saw, so I got up. I unhooked myself and walked my bike up the hill. It’s incredibly hard walking with cleats on, let alone up a sidewalk on a hill. I try to get on to pedal some more but my chain is out of whack again. Great, just like the night before my first triathlon. I try to put my chain back on while my biking gloves are still on and my thumb catches one of my bike chainrings and I begin bleeding all over my bike. (I spare you of those photos, but at least I’ll highlight it in red for you.) I pull my bike indoors to get things cleaned up. There’s chain grease everywhere (including all over my white handlebar tape) and blood on my hands. I clean up and, in the process of bandaging my thumb, wonder if this was going to be worth it. It would be so much easier to just stay home, or to hop on the trainer, or to grab a stationary bike at the gym. This whole process kills about an hour and half.

When I finished my pity party, I headed out again anyways.

My first break. A bench with a short memorial. “Love Life, Live Fully.”

The Burke-Gilman trail definitely didn’t disappoint. There were lots of people on the trail that day. Friends, family, couples, athletes. It was nice to see everyone out enjoying themselves. I wished dearly that Shant, or my parents, or my besties were there riding with me that day. I try to think of this as a preview ride where I get to experience all of the bumps on the road before deciding if its something safe for them to enjoy, and that helps. I was hoping to catch Shant that morning for a dose of enthusiastic cheer, but alas he was already prepping and out the door for his photo shoot. I’m a nervous wreck when I have to deal with distances that seem out of reach for me, and he always knows what to say to put me in a peaceful place.

The views of Lake Washington was extraordinary. I didn’t want to stop quite yet, and as an incentive to finish, I figure that I could take photos on my way back. So, eventually the signs said “Leaving Seattle” (eeeek!) and the Burke Gilman Trail became the Sammamish River Trail.

Taking a snack break along the Sammamish River Trail. Little did I know that there was a huge picnic area just less than a mile up the trail. This is a theme that continues repeating itself…

I start getting hungry. I kept telling myself that I’d stop at the next bench I saw, but they stopped coming. I eventually just dismount and set my bike down. I watch a ton of people ride by while I snack on almonds and fruit mix.

I made it to Richmond! Like, all the way to Richmond! I biked from Amazon to Microsoft! Craziness. It’s also crazy that Marymoor Park has wifi.

I push through and eventually made it to the end of the Sammamish River Trail at Marymoor Park. It felt glorious. I remember seeing this trail from the road, I remember the sign (above) and I remember the baseball fields near the park entrance. I find some empty bleachers and make a home of it for a few minutes while I catch my breath, eat some more, and hydrate. I’m already pretty tired, but I still had to head allllllllllllllll the way back home. I know that I passed the Redmond transit center on my way to the park. Great, there was an escape plan! However, I figured that I’d leave that as a last-ditch effort in case I really couldn’t just slog out the miles. It lifted a bit of weight on my mind so I headed back.

Somewhere in between Redmond and Woodinville. All I really wanted was a diet Coke at this point.

I can’t really remember the name of this place. I was starving, tired, exhausted. I really just wanted to go home at this point. My saddle had been killing me, my lower back was getting uncomfortable, but I knew that I still had enough juice in me to slog it home. I really wanted a weekend to remember, so off I went…

Pulled over in Kenmore to catch a breath. I watched a young girl almost die, so I needed a bit of a brain break here.

Wow. So here I am in Kenmore. Just a few feet behind me, I watched one of the scariest scenes of my adult life unfold before me. There was a young girl, no older than 2 or 3 years old, riding along on her tricycle without her helmet. The side of the Burke Gilman trail here actually has a bit of a cliff. Beyond the patchy grass you see there is actually a 20-30 feet drop onto a rather large highway. There’s a bit of a grading, so if you had the tenacity, you could climb up and down if you were a bit like Spiderman, but it generally acts as a divider between the trail and the highway. So this girl loses her footing and goes plummeting down this cliff, with no helmet, and she is headed head-first into a parked SUV along the side of the road. By some good grace she manages to not freeze up and turn her handlebars at the last minute. By now I’ve already dismounted and was heading down the cliffish hill (as someone who is TERRIFIED of going down a steep hill, even on foot) hoping not to witness the maiming of a child. When I see that she’s cleared the parked SUV I look (with mostly fear) at the highway in both directions…and it’s clear enough, with a few cars off in the distance headed towards her but nothing that a driver wouldn’t have missed if they were paying attention. Another stranger was able to dart faster down the hill than I was able to, and grabbed the crying girl and pulled her out of the intersection. Her parents soon followed.

It all happened so fast. I wasn’t prepared to see a child die on Saturday. I don’t think you’re ever ready for that. I’m glad that it ended up being a happily ever after but seriously, why on earth would you let your 2 year old ride a tricycle so close to a cliff edge? And why the hell would you be carrying her helmet instead of making her wear it?! Ridiculous excuse for parenting ever. Seriously.

Matthews Beach Park overlooking the Pontiac Bay.

I continue on, contemplating life and death and all the shades of grey in between. The pain in my rear is radiating at this point. I’m mentally fatigued. I’m not sure why the hell I even decided to embark on such a long ride by myself. I missed my boyfriend, I missed my besties and my parents. I hope that one day we can all bike here. It was such a pretty day out…would’ve been a great day for a picnic. I thought about my new life and in the physical misery I felt at that time, there was a small ray of happiness. I also decided here, at Matthews Beach Park, that I was not going to schlep up the hill in Eastlake to get home but was instead going to catch the next bus after passing through UW, thus completing my journey from Seattle to Redmond in one sunny afternoon.

Almost made it home, but to get me close enough I hitched a bus about a mile or two. (There’s hills where I live…)

Blood, sweat, and tears. All of them. All weekend long. At least I finished that sucker.

Week 5 Ironman Louisville Training:

13.1 hours; Swim: 3432 yards; Bike: 96.58 miles; Run: 5.21 miles

Monday, March 25: Rest day

Tuesday, March 26: Strength training in the morning, 1.2 mile commute to work on foot

Wednesday, March 27: 13.7 miles in 1:15

Thursday, March 28: 0.75 mile swim. I got kicked in the face with a huge wave of water. 15 miles on the bike, 3.2 miles on the treadmill…all before work.

Friday, March 29: Strength training in the morning, followed by a 1.2 mile swim in 1:05 again. In the evening I return for 14 miles on the bike and 1 mile on the treadmill.

Saturday, March 30: The grandaddy of all bike rides I’ve ever done. 53.88 miles in 04:59:32 with plenty of breaks in between. 1.01 mile brick run when I get home.

Sunday, March 31: Rest day. Took my bike in for a tune up.

Here’s to a less bloody week 6. I’m technically 20% done with my training. Oh boy.

When those thoughts come creeping up, I try to do what my meditation teacher taught me to do: acknowledge the thoughts, and then push them away. Focusing on the moment and task at hand will help serve me in the long run. Instead of thinking about the week ahead in the pool, I should be focused on my kick and stroke arm placement. Instead of fretting over my scheduling, I should be working out the dead spot in my pedaling. I only get one shot at a first Ironman training season. The swims and rides and runs here and there seem insignificant when considered singularly, but I need to look at the bigger picture.

Even though I like to consider an Ironman as 2-1.2 mile swims, 4 28-mile rides, and 2 half-marathons, I should sometimes reassemble that into the full distance and just let that sink in a bit. 140.6 miles. That’s a lot of miles. Eep!

“In the midst of an ordinary training day, I try to remind myself that I am preparing for the extraordinary.” -Shalane Flanagan

Week 4 Ironman Louisville training:

11.9 hours training; Swim: 6864 yards (3.9 miles); Bike: 44.8 miles; Run: 11.13 miles. Total mileage: 59.83 miles.

Monday, March 18: Bikram yoga in the morning, swimming in the evening. It was my first time at bikram yoga and I had a great time! Now if only I can keep waking up early enough to make it to the 6am class…

Tuesday, March 19: Morning run on the treadmill and ride on the trainer. I think my bike fit is horribly off because I’m pretty much sidelined due to my hip flexor being thrown out of whack. I also get up in the middle of the night to check in on destructive kitty and throw out my good shoulder. Bahumbug!

Wednesday, March 20: Went for a morning adjustment at the chiro. It felt better, but still sore. I try to swim in the evening anyways and only make it about 15 minutes before calling it quits for the night.

Thursday, March 21: I take the entire day off and I’m pretty frustrated. Training was going so well! I thought I was finally getting stronger. Why does it seem like everything is falling apart? My friend was able to release my cleat from my pedal today too. Mixed feelings all around about training.

Friday, March 22: I wake up feeling better. My shoulder is not sore so I head to early morning training. I’m the only one who showed up, so I got a really good upper body (mostly shoulder) workout thanks to my coach. After work I drag myself to the pool for a quick swim, about 25 minutes, before my shoulder gets tired and I bow out for the night.

Saturday, March 23: This is where the fun begins. I swim in the morning and get 40 laps in after an hour and fifteen minutes. Yay! (40 laps = 1.2 miles). I head home and nap and do all of the things that lazy people do, and then watch some YouTube videos on bike fit. After making a few adjustments (again) and getting my pedals on my bike (again) AND tightening my cleats (again!!) I hop on. It starts of a bit creaky — my hip flexors, not my bike — and after a few minutes I get settled in and it’s a pretty comfy ride. It’s so comfy that I stay for an hour and a half (18.3 miles). I still wish I had a better saddle though. Maybe that’s April’s big ticket item.

Sunday, March 24: I wake up the next morning and decide to tackle my workload in chunks. I eat breakfast, and about an hour later, I start off with a one hour ride on the bike. I refuel with an english muffin and some jam and orange juice, and after an hour I head to the gym. I run for about an hour and a half, spend about a half hour recovering and downing some Gu, and then head into the pool for another swim. Biggest win of the week was getting my 1.2 mile swim in 1 hour and 5 minutes. If I can keep up the pace, it will mean that I can actually stand a chance at making the 2:20 swim cutoff!

Things I learned this week:
1. If it feels wrong, it probably is.
2. Taking time off for recovery feels bad, but it’s really good in the long run.
3. Don’t be an idiot and try to ramp up your miles too much too soon.
4. Sleep is completely underrated.
5. Work hard, but know when to back off. And know when to get a massage.