Chasing the Son

Chains: Are You Paralyzed?

noreply@blogger.com (Amber Benge) — Wed, 11 Jan 2012 01:15:00 +0000

We all have chains. They come in every size and shape, but at the end of the day they are there, holding us back from the full life God has for us. Take a moment and picture it. Imagine going through a full day with heavy chains clutching your arms, your legs, your waist… imagine dragging those shackles as you get out of bed, make breakfast, go to work or school, do the laundry, or pay the bills. Everything is harder with chains, right? It wouldn't take long before many of us would get angry and throw them off! As a matter of fact, I doubt most of us would get through breakfast before tossing the heavy clanking metal aside so we could be free.

Unfortunately, many of us carry chains twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week. They are invisible, but their effect is still just as strong in our lives. We are weighted down, slugging through the daily tasks of life, fighting this invisible force that keeps us from being the best that we can be. How can we be happy if we are weighted down with chains? The truth is that chains PARALYZE us.

So the question for today is this: What are your chains?

What is the silent heaviness that you drag with you day by day? Here is a look at some of the most common chains that we carry around…

1. The Chain of Financial Fear

Debt. Past due bills. The kids' college tuition. The mortgage payment that just isn't in the bank account. Student loans that just never seem to end. Credit card debt that is more than we can afford to pay. Financial chains can paralyze us in life. We feel helpless to escape our situation and completely out of control. Everything we do in life is hindered by the fear that financial ruin will cause us to crumble at a moment's notice.

2. The Chain of Physical Illness

Disability. Cancer. Heart Disease. Migraines. Diabetes. PCOS. Infertility. Fibromyalgia. Arthritis. Physical illness can make every little act in life feel like a heavy duty job. We are weighted down, burdened, and feel beyond help when the doctors have no answers.

3. The Chain of Depression

Sadness. Loneliness. A dark cloud that just won't go away. Depression casts a shadow over our lives and we drag it around like chains across our necks while it strangles the air we so desperately need to survive.

4. The Chain of Insecurity

What if I fail? What if I'm not good enough? What if I'm too much? What if I said the wrong thing? What if I did it all wrong? Insecurity is a chain that forces us to stand still. Again, we are paralyzed, unable to move as the enemy weights us down with the belief that we are never going to have what it takes.

5. The Chain of Doubt

What if God isn't real? If He loves me, why doesn't He answer my prayers? Where is God when I'm hurting so bad?! Doubt is a heavy chain that can make even mundane tasks more difficult. It is perhaps the hardest chain to shed because so often, we pick it up unintentionally and over time, we let it grow until we are so covered in it that we have no idea how to shake it off.

6. The Chain of Abuse

Beaten. Scarred. Molested. Terrified. Shamed. When you have faced abuse in any form during your life, you automatically have a tangle of chains to deal with. For those who faced abuse as small children or for many years, the chains have been there so long that we don't even recognize them anymore. They are a part of our daily garments and often, we use them as a shield to keep others from coming too close to the hurt that is deep inside.

7. The Chain of Bitterness

That friend who turned away. The child you lost. The co-worker who lied. The church member who betrayed your trust. The spouse that cheated. When bitterness sets in, it locks so tightly that we can't see past the hurt and anger. Chains of bitterness effect every moment of our lives, even the moments that go unrecognized.

8. The Chain of Stuff

The 27 pairs of shoes stacked in the closet. The clothes we haven't worn in years. The books we keep but never read. The untouched clutter in our closets. The carload of stuff we brought home from Wal-Mart. It's not wrong to have stuff, but when stuff has you, the chains set in and suddenly you are paralyzed beneath it. Many, many, many people carry the chains of stuff without having any idea that they are weighted down at all.

So that's a quick look at some of the common chains that we carry. Tomorrow, we'll start delving into them in more detail and talk about how to shed the chains and find TRUE freedom in Christ. If you are paralyzed in the chains tonight, allow yourself to catch a glimmer of hope. The One who holds the key is just waiting for you to hand him the lock.

-Amber

P.S. Take a minute and listen to this song...

Something New

noreply@blogger.com (Amber Benge) — Mon, 09 Jan 2012 00:56:00 +0000

I can't believe it's already January 8. The past couple of weeks have passed in a blur. It has been so busy with work, finding our routine again with homeschool, and most of all with Josh's recovery. Things are going well though.

Josh is making progress each day. He had a little setback over Christmas. I think he just got really worn out after a full week of having company here, but it was oh so good to see everyone! He's back on the uphill climb now, slowly getting more energy each day. His pain has increased a lot this past week as his muscles are healing and the nerves seem to be coming back to life. Thankfully, he has been able to manage it really well and is only needing to take any kind of pain medications at night.

Ally and Walker are doing great. They are getting back to their old routine and enjoying the day to day fun of homeschool. Ally is asking to take dance lessons so I'm trying to find a dance school somewhere nearby. This spring, hopefully Walker can start playing sports through our community rec center.

Church planting is still always on our hearts and minds. God has been opening some amazing doors for us and we are excited about what the future holds. We have been blessed with some amazing ministry friends and we are going to a new church that was started a little over a year ago. We're excited to plug in and get back to doing what we love most... loving Jesus and the people who don't know Him yet.

This week, I'm going to do a special blog series called "Chains Will Fall". I want to invite you to check in here through the week to journey with me down the road to freedom. Our church is starting a 21 day Daniel fast tomorrow morning and I've decided to write about something really important during that process. I'll share my story and I'm hoping many of you will share yours too. Come back tomorrow and we'll get started...

2011: The Year We Did Hard

noreply@blogger.com (Amber Benge) — Mon, 02 Jan 2012 19:46:00 +0000

I have been trying to think of a way to sum up 2011 in a blog post and there are so many different things I could say. Perhaps the best way to phrase it is to say this was the year we did hard. 2011 brought things I wasn't prepared for, things that I never believed I could have walked through. Truthfully, I couldn't have if it wasn't for God and His unending patience with my confusion, complaining, and occasional rants. Most of all, it was His love and grace that brought us through the year and saw us into 2012 with great hope. Let's look back...

January

January began with a snowstorm. There was sledding, snowmen, hot chocolate, and memories that will last a lifetime. The kids had a nice break from school and we enjoyed our wintry wonderland together.

February

When February rolled around, I was completely immersed in our adoption process. We spent most of February doing fundraisers, assembling legal documents, and sending it all to Belize while we hoped and prayed for a quick referral of twins.

March

March brought lots of busyness with ministry. I think this was the month when something started shifting for us. God was calling us towards something new and we struggled to discern where we were headed while we balanced a full plate of meetings, activities, and outreach events. We also had both of our dads in the hospital with heart problems during this time.

April

April brought Easter, the school concert for Ally and Walker, and some more big decisions for us as we were seeking each day what God wanted us to do. April also saw Josh struggling with some tiredness. He was wearing down quickly from what we thought was purely stress. Of course, the next month told a different story.

May

May was a game changer. Josh's dad was diagnosed with hypertrophic cardiomyopathy. The pieces started colliding into one big horrible picture of why Josh might have been feeling so bad, having high blood pressure, and struggling every time he climbed the steps. After a local diagnosis confirming that Josh had HCM, we were send to the Cleveland Clinic to find out what exactly this meant for the future.

May was terrifying. We made the best of it, even taking in a baseball game in Cleveland (seen above), but we were struggling. HCM meant two things: 1) Josh had a high risk of sudden cardiac death and 2) It was time to stop putting off all those things that we assumed we could do later in life. On our way home from Cleveland, Josh declared that it was time to do what God had been urging him to do. We would plant a church. Josh felt sure God was sending us to Wilmington. They loaded him up on heart medication and we hoped that would be enough.

June

During June, we embraced summer. We plowed through ministry obstacles with me silently screaming that the stress had to end NOW as I worried about Josh's heart. We also enjoyed seeing God do some miracles as a few believers we loved started sprouting up in their faith and boldness like our little garden. Even a small harvest is worth all the toil! God continued to prompt Josh about planting and we started talking about concrete plans. And that's when we came full circle to Belize, where our babies were waiting.

July

Through a variety of circumstances, we were presented with an opportunity to open a Christian retreat center and plant a church in Belize. In July, we flew down and spent a few days combing the island that is the human trafficking entry way for Central America. Things started getting a little confusing... maybe it wasn't Wilmington after all since God had put this right in our laps.

August

When August arrived, we were still weighing our decisions for the future. Everything was so confusing and all we knew was that Josh was supposed to plant a church... but where? Our adoption was at a halt due to circumstances in Belize that we had no control over. Suddenly everything was a mess. We took it day by day, anguishing in prayer, spending every spare moment making memories with the kids, and always living with the "just in case" mentality of heart disease as Josh's heart medications had to be increased higher and higher.

September

Oh September. Josh resigned from the church and we announced our decision to move to the foreign mission field. We basically detonated a whole series of land mines as everyone went crazy telling us that we were crazy. Then Josh's heart decided to show off, medications were increased AGAIN, and God basically shut the door completely on our Belize plan. Now what?

Just when things seemed like they couldn't get much worse, Josh's dad landed in the hospital for almost two weeks with some kind of unknown illness. He was rapidly losing weight, couldn't eat, and we really thought he might die.

In the midst of all of this, Josh and I were standing in the kitchen one morning just staring at each other. There were lots of tears, and we were pretty shell shocked. What on earth was God doing?

Within three days, He showed us the next step. Josh's dad started getting better and was sent home from the hospital. The calling became clear. It was still Wilmington, or more specifically Brunswick County. We would go, we would plant, and we would serve. Belize, our adoption that was still caught up in a broken system, and every unknown would have to simply be surrendered.

So we took a deep breath, had a couple of big yard sales, sold everything we owned except clothes and some toys for the kids, and started packing what was left of our lives in boxes. There were days when I was ecstatic over what God was about to do and other days when I felt like just crying and giving up. Brokenness doesn't even begin to describe September. It was a month of literally having to lay down every plan, dream, idea, and aspiration. From our home to Josh's health to our families... we had to let go and trust God with every bit of it. And let me tell you, it was HARD.

October

On October 1, we drove away from everything that was familiar and ended up in a rented house by the ocean. We unpacked within a few hours and settled in to a new life in a new place. On the same day, I started a new job working from home with the company I had done freelance work with for two years. God was meeting needs before we ever knew they existed. From the second we stepped foot in Brunswick County, God began to show us where He had been at work all along, preparing us and preparing this place. We were home. Things were finally good except for one little problem. Josh's heart medication had to be increased again and this time, he had reached the maximum dosage that it was safe to prescribe.

November

November brought lots of fun with homeschooling, learning more about our new community, and landing in a great church where God very strategically placed us. We started making friends, meeting people, and fell in love with Oak Island and the surrounding area. Church planting was constantly on our minds and Josh spent hours reading, planning, and talking to people who could teach him from their experiences.

Of course, there was some trouble in November too. Josh's health began to rapidly decline. And when I say rapidly, I mean that one day he was fishing on the beach and a few days later, he was struggling to even get up and walk around. I began to get scared for him. Some days were good and others were terrible. He got winded walking to the bathroom. When he stood up, he would stumble and have to sit down to keep from passing out. He was pale and his fingertips and mouth looked blue. He seemed swelled. We called the specialists in Cleveland and they scheduled open heart surgery for January 19, 2012.

December

On December 1, something felt wrong. Josh looked worse and I had this uneasy feeling that I couldn't shake. Josh started having chest pain that wouldn't go away. On December 2, he woke up at 8:00 and called his doctor in Cleveland. We were afraid he might not be able to wait another 6 weeks on surgery because he was declining so quickly. I was terrified to let him drive, worrying he would pass out and end up dead on the side of the road. The doctor was in New York at a conference, but after we hung up I started praying. "God, if he needs help now, please intervene for him. Please do something to help the doctors feel urgent about this. Please get him to Cleveland this weekend if his life is in danger."

Thirty seconds later, my phone rang. His doctor was calling from the airport in New York and he wanted us on an airplane by sunset. Josh was admitted at the Cleveland Clinic 24 hours later. The rest... well, you know what a miracle God did! After open heart surgery, God gave Josh a second chance at life when he otherwise might not have lived to see his surgery date that is still a few weeks away.

What a Year!!!

No one can dispute that this has been a hard year for us. As we entered 2012, I didn't even want to venture a guess at what is ahead during the next 12 months. I only know this: God has been faithful. All of the trials of our previous years - infertility, miscarriages, Ally's fight with asthma, Walker's time in the hospital, and more - it prepared us for 2011. It was like God trained us specifically through each previous battle to prepare us for the field we would enter in 2011. And we were equipped.

No, we didn't have what it took to get through it on our own. But we had the only thing that counted - the knowledge that the ONLY way to survive was to curl up tight and lean hard into Jesus while He calmed the storm that was raging around us. And calm it He did.

So 2011? Yes, it was hard. But I have to tell you... it was the year when I learned that above all, God is faithful. He is worthy of our full trust. And He is big enough, strong enough, and wise enough to accept our tears, our weakness, and our tantrums. Because more than anything, He loves us. That is what 2011 was all about.

Merry Christmas

noreply@blogger.com (Amber Benge) — Sun, 25 Dec 2011 04:35:00 +0000

May your Christmas be full of joy, excitement, hope, and celebration of our Savior! We didnt quite get christmas cards out this year, but please know that we are wishing all of our sweet friends a very Merry Christmas! Now go get your elf on...

Love,
Josh, Amber, Ally, and Walker

You Might Be the Grinch If...

noreply@blogger.com (Amber Benge) — Thu, 22 Dec 2011 15:23:00 +0000

Let's face it. The holidays are a long stretch of to-do lists, parties to attend, cookies to bake, gifts to wrap, and traditions to uphold. Most of us face a lot of pressure during this time of year. I know sometimes I feel like if it doesn't look like Martha made it, I've become a failure at all things domestic.

It's easy to fall into the trap of getting wrapped up in the stuff... stuff to do, stuff to give, stuff to get, stuff to bake, stuff to eat, stuff to buy, stuff to wear, stuff to share. But when we get too mixed up in the the stuff, everything falls apart.

If you have felt like crying in your mistletoe or spiking the eggnog over the past few days, take a minute and do a little self-check. It could be that somehow in all the hustle and bustle, you have become the great enemy of Christmas. Yes, the GRINCH.

You Might Be the Grinch If...

1. You are so tired of the cat climbing through the Christmas tree that you are ready to shove it up the chimney.

2. You have been reduced to patting your children on the head and saying, "WILL YOU PLEASE JUST GO TO BED?!"

3. The only time you say, "Ho Ho Ho" is when you are referring to that pushy, crazy woman in the toy aisle who just swiped the last Winter Dream Barbie.

4. After she calls for the 8 millionth time to compare decorations and Christmas dinner menus, you secretly dream of your great aunt's mortified reaction if you gave her what you really had in mind for Christmas.

5. After fighting half a million strangers in Toys 'R Us at 5AM, you are still so scarred for acquiring your kid's gift that the thought of hearing him play with it for the next 12 months makes you nauseaus.

6. You've decided that instead of cooking a turkey for Christmas dinner, you will simply steal your neighbor's. Sure, it's not exactly nice, but it's a heck of a lot less work.

7. You threaten your kids with "the naughty list" several times a day and have even picked up your cell phone as if you will dial Santa RIGHT. THIS. MINUTE.

8. Christmas carols make you angry. Can't they play something, ANYTHING other than "Santa Baby" on the radio?!

9. You would rather kiss the dog than your spouse because at least the dog didn't forget to pick up milk or tell the children that they could watch "Rudolph" again after you've already sat through it 17 times this week.

10. You actually forgot Jesus' birthday.

Hang in there, friends! The cure for a Grinch-like spirit is to be intentional about celebrating Christ at Christmas. Choose the memories over the momentary to-do list. Choose to worship instead of wait in line at the toy store. Choose the contentment, peace, and joy that is only available BECAUSE of that baby that slept in a manger many years ago.

And then, God can even use a Grinch like you or me to get the glory this Christmas.

30 by 30

noreply@blogger.com (Amber Benge) — Thu, 22 Dec 2011 05:11:00 +0000

So here's the thing. Today, I turned 29. All that really means is that I have one year... 365 days, 8,760 hours, or 525,600 minutes until I am 30 years old.

THIRTY YEARS OLD.

I don't know why, but this seems huge to me. It probably won't matter one bit in a few years, but for now, I'm hanging on to my 20's for all I'm worth. I have decided that in order to make the most of the last year in my 20's, I am going to make a list.

I've thought about it carefully and come up with 30 things I want to do before I turn 30. I'll document each item here on the blog as I check it off the list this year. So let's get down to business and decide on my 30 things. Here we go...

1. Run a 5K.

This past year has been all about shedding the extra pounds, but I'm ready to take it to the next level. So this year, I am going to finally do something I never dreamed possible and run a 5K.

2. Write a Fiction Book.

This has been on my "life list" for five years, but I've never had the courage to actually try it. I will write it this year.

3. Be a Bride on the Beach

If I could go back and do it over, my wedding day would be totally different. No big church wedding with 400 people watching from the pews. Instead, I would be in my favorite place with my favorite guy, pledging our love in front of the ocean. This year, we're going to do pictures on the beach as a family and I'm wearing a white dress, baby!

4. Give a $100 Tip.

This year I want to set a little money aside to bless a total stranger... maybe the pizza guy, maybe a waitress... I don't know who it will be. But I want to give a $100 tip to someone who doesn't see it coming.

5. Take the Kids to the Zoo.

They have never been and every kid should visit the zoo!

6. Have a Bonfire on the Beach.

I've always wanted to do this and now that the ocean is right outside the door, I have no excuses.

7. Try a New Food.

I'm typically a pretty picky eater. I always order the same things at restaurants and I buy the same groceries every week. This year, I'm going to try a new food that I would otherwise be afraid of.

8. Invest in My Nieces.

I have always loved my beautiful nieces and this year, I want to really invest some time and love into their lives. Three of the four are teenagers now (tears) and I would really love to do something special for them.

9. Write a Love Letter to My Children.

I am pretty good about writing letters to my husband from time to time, but this year I want to write a letter to each of my children. I hope this can become a frequent thing where I leave short notes for them to find and maybe even compile a notebook of letters to them as they grow up.

10. Take Josh Deep Sea Fishing.

He would love it and I love him. Enough said.

11. Stop Biting My Nails.

I know, I know. I should've done this years ago.

12. Say Thank You When It Counts.

I want to be intentional about thanking people in my life who are special... family, friends, and those who have made an impact on me. I want to say thank you.

13. Spend a Whole Day Playing.

No work, no laundry, no cleaning. Just a full day of playing with my little ones and enjoying the fact that they are still little.

14. Share Jesus with a Stranger.

I hope I can do this many, many times this year. I want it to be as natural as breathing... and not just a half hearted, "God is good!" in the check out line. I want to full out share the Gospel with someone... or many someone's.

15. Spend an Afternoon Painting on the Beach.

I love to paint, but I have never let myself take the time to move outside with my canvas and brushes. This year, I am going to do that.

16. Make Homemade Bread.

I've tried it once and it wasn't quite right... let's try it again!

17. Watch the Sun Rise.

I want to get up before the sun does so I can see it make that glorious climb over the edge of the ocean.

18. Play in the Rain.

The kids have to be in on this one too!

19. Listen to Josh Preach in the New Church.

I get more excited about this one with each passing day!

20. Fish on the Pier Until Midnight.

I love fishing, especially on the pier. So this year, I want to spend an evening doing just that.

21. Talk to a Friend From my Childhood.

Since we moved a lot when I was a kid, I haven't really stayed in touch with many of my friends. I want to look up one of these long lost playmates and reconnect.

22. Revisit Lake Louise.

My college buddies know what this one is all about. This was a place all about young love, broken hearts, big dreams, and an even bigger God. I want to go back and I want my 3 best friends from college to meet me by the waterfall.

23. Buy Groceries for a Family in Need.

I want to help out a family who is struggling this year.

24. Spend a Long Weekend in the Mountains with Josh.

I would love to find a remote cabin up in the mountains and hide away for a few days.

25. Buy a Golf Cart.

Sure, it's weird. But it's definitely on the list.

26. Take Ally Away for a Girl's Only Weekend.

I have always wanted to do this and she is old enough to really enjoy it now!

27. Climb a Lighthouse.

Can you imagine the view from the top?

28. Make Cookies for No Good Reason.

Who needs a reason anyway, right?!

29. Take a Spontaneous Road Trip.

I don't care where we go. Let's just hit the road and have an adventure!

30. Get a Tattoo.

My mother is going to call me in 3, 2, 1...

*hanging up the phone*

The point is that it's never too late to be what you might have been. So who is it that you have always wanted to be? What is it that you've always wanted to do? Comments are open so we can dish this thing out...

29 Reasons I Love Josh

noreply@blogger.com (Amber Benge) — Wed, 21 Dec 2011 01:27:00 +0000

Dear Josh,

Today you turn 29 years old. I missed your first birthday by 24 hours because you beat me into the world by one day. When we were babies, I know that God saw you and already had big plans for your life. I am so thankful that He chose me to be your sidekick... What an honor. Although there are millions of reasons why I love you, for your 29th birthday, I made a list of 29 things that I love most.

1. I love your passion. I have learned in our years together that you are physically unable the think small. Your passion fuels every dream into something huge.

2. I love your sarcasm. Snarky doesn't even begin to describe you. Ha!

3. I love your kindness. Every stranger you meet is treated with such compassion and tenderness.

4. I love your selflessness. When we were in Cleveland, despite all that you were facing, you were always worrying about me... Whether I slept, whether I had something to eat, how I was feeling. There isn't a selfish bone in your body.

5. I love your heart for the lost. You can't help telling people about Jesus anymore than you can help breathing. It is just part of who you are. I smiled when you were admitted to the hospital and you had told that nurse that you loved the Lord Jesus before she knew what state you were from.

6. I love your bravery. I watched as you literally faced death and you were brave... So, so brave.

7. I love that you refuse to complain. Not one single time since open heart surgery have you complained despite a ton of pain.

8. I love your willingness to follow Christ anywhere. People thought we were nuts when we sold everything and moved to Oak Island, but for you it was insane that they didn't understand. You were just following His call. I love that about you.

9. I love the way you are with our children. Firm, yet tender and never afraid to admit when you made a mistake. To see a grown man apologize to a four year old for getting frustrated too easily is rare, but that is you.

10. I love your drive to plant a church. God has given you an incredible vision and burden and I am confident that this is all going to happen beyond what you have even dreamed as the pieces start to come together over the next year.

11. I love how your smile.

12. I love that you hide from cameras despite the fact that I am obsessed with capturing every moment on film.

13. I love how excited you get when you watch football.

14. I love the way you cook spicy noodles!

15. I love your tender heart and how you are soft enough to feel what others feel.

16. I love that you are uncompromising when it comes to missions. Your love for the "least of these" has caused you to face a lot of persecution in ministry at times, but you never backed down when it came to helping people that others deemed "unlovable".

17. I love the way your eyes light up when you watch someone play an incredible piece on the electric guitar.

18. I love that you can be silly.

19. I love your raw honesty and the fact that you refuse to look, dress, or act a certin way just because that is what the world expects from a pastor.

20. I love when you tell the story about the time a lady called you at the church with an emergency and you arrived, only to be asked to kill a garden snake.

21. I love how you are so involved in our homeschool... The way you quiz Ally on her spelling or read them "just one more" Shel Silverstein poem everytime they ask.

22. I love that you cant stand coffee that actually tastes like coffee.

23. I love that you listen to me rant and rave every single time I come home from Walmart. You never interrupt and you always laugh, even when I know you could be doing other things.

24. I love that you push me to write, to paint, and to do all the things that no one encouraged me to do before.

25. I love how you can sing any song that comes on the radio.

26. I love that you are eager to learn from those who are older and wiser.

27. I love that you have some great respect for your dad.

28. I love your Chuck Norris jokes. All of them.

29. I love who you are deep down inside... With all the fears, all the questions, and all the human stuff that you give me the privelege to see when it is just you and me. You are my best friend and I love that.

Happy Birthday, Josh. I love you always.

Slices of Life: Lazy Saturday

noreply@blogger.com (Amber Benge) — Sat, 17 Dec 2011 15:00:00 +0000

Shadow has the right idea. Happy Saturday!

Enjoying a Beautiful Friday

noreply@blogger.com (Amber Benge) — Fri, 16 Dec 2011 22:20:00 +0000

It's so good to be home. We're hanging out here at home, occupying the rocking chairs on the back porch and enjoying the 70 degree weather. Josh is doing well. Nights are hard because he can't get comfortable, but he slept in the recliner last night and did a little better.

As part of his cardiac rehab, he is supposed to be walking each day and gradually increasing how far he goes. I was so proud of him today. I drove across the street and parked at the public beach access and we took a slow walk by the ocean. The beach here is marked with street signs so you know how many blocks you have gone. He walked a full block and then all the way back!

We're missing the kids a lot. They are coming home next week on Friday so they will be here for Christmas. I'm rapidly trying to get some Christmas shopping done for them. I ordered most of their gifts online while Josh was in the hospital, but of course, I got an email from Toys R Us that some of the items are backordered and they refunded the order. So now, I guess I'll be venturing out over the weekend to try to finish some shopping.

Another exciting bit of news is that our families are coming after Christmas. We were really sad about not seeing our parents for Christmas this year and we were going to miss the yearly family trip with Josh's parents and brothers. Thankfully, God worked it all out for us and the trip was able to be moved so we can go in a few months. His parents will be here for Christmas and his brothers are coming in for a few days after Christmas. My family is coming in for part of that week as well so we'll have everyone here!

Our "Coastal Family" has been amazing since we got home too. Our sweet friends John and Kim met us at the airport and drove us home. Kim helped us get settled in and it always makes me happy to have her around anyway! :) Then last night, we got a surprise when our friends Jason and April brought over dinner. Yum! We have been really blessed to have a great church family praying and cheering Josh on here. It was also really nice to come home to smiling faces, asking how they could help. What a blessing!

I have definitely learned during this whole process that friendships are best forged in the fire. Going through something tough is a great way to see which friends are going to "stick". Some of our old friends were so sweet to send cards and call. Many new friends have gone the extra mile to help and show us that they care. At the end of the day, it's so nice to just see what a tremendous circle of friends we have gained over the years.

When we moved to Oak Island, I really worried that we would be very lonely. As we work towards planting a church, I was afraid it would be hard to connect with this tightly knit community. Let me tell you... God had it all planned out. He truly went before us and prepared everything. I don't know that we have ever made friends so quickly as we have in the three months since we have been here. It seems this is truly home!

So now, we are moving forward with great hope towards the future God has for us. We are claiming Jeremiah 29:11 and walking day by day towards whatever ministry God puts before us. We are ready to rock Brunswick County for Jesus!

Well, I need to run to the post office and make some dinner so I'll wrap this up. I just wanted to take a minute and let everyone know that Josh is doing well in his recovery. Life is good because our God is great.

Amber

The Chief Surgeon

noreply@blogger.com (Amber Benge) — Fri, 16 Dec 2011 14:16:00 +0000

This photo made me cry. This is a perfect photo of what I believed the O.R. looked like on Josh's surgery day!

5 Adorable Handmade Gift Ideas

noreply@blogger.com (Amber Benge) — Fri, 16 Dec 2011 01:00:00 +0000

Are you looking for last minute gift ideas? I feel your pain. I was frantically doing my shopping from Josh's hospital room in Cleveland. Thank God for the internet, huh?

I managed to order a few things for the kids and Josh, but that's as far as it has gone. I've been looking for some budget friendly gift ideas for friends and extended family and thought I would share some of the cute ideas I found in case any of you are in the same boat. Check these out...

1. A Family Tree Print

You can get this from Etsy or DIY. So simple and cute!

2. A Personalized Cookbook or Photo Book

You can make these through several sites like Lulu, Snapfish, and Blurb.

3. An Ice Cream Party

Include a note that says, "Just add ice cream!"

4. A Baking Bundle

Saw this on Pinterest and thought it was an adorable idea!

5. Monogrammed Mugs

This is a fun idea and super easy! Check out the tutorial here.

Whew.

noreply@blogger.com (Amber Benge) — Thu, 15 Dec 2011 13:50:00 +0000

We are home. Unbelievable, right? Only one week ago, Josh was in ICU on life support and now, we are back on Oak Island beside our Christmas tree. Who ever said miracles aren't real?

This has been one crazy journey and there is so much to say about it. In time, I will pour it all out here I'm sure. For now, I think it is enough to say THANK YOU GOD! :)

I also want to thank each of you for your prayers, calls, cards, and love. It has meant the world to us. We felt like we walked this journey with THOUSANDS of prayer warriors on every side and it made it so much easier.

Josh is doing so well! He looks better than he has in a couple of years. His color is great! No more blue lips, no more swelling, no more shortness of breath, no more dizziness. He is just a walking miracle. I keep telling him that he is really giving Chuck Norris a lesson in what it means to be a man. Ha!

Please continue to pray for his recovery. It's really important that he doesn't get sick in the next few months as his immune system is low and his heart is super vulnerable right now. While externally he is healing well, we need to continue to pray for the internal healing on the middle wall of his heart.

Before I wrap this up, I want to take a minute and thank Liz for updating my blog during this whole ordeal. She took time away from her own precious family to update all the way from Texas, usually twice per day. This kept my time on the phone to a minimum and still allowed our friends and family to know how they could pray specifically. Liz, you mean the world to me and SO many people have told me to tell you THANK YOU! :) Love you girl!

I will continue to keep everyone posted in the days to come. God bless you!
Amber

Wednesday update

noreply@blogger.com (Amber Benge) — Wed, 14 Dec 2011 15:19:00 +0000

Hello friends! I am going to attempt to sum up the last couple of days in Josh & Amber's life in this one last post and then Amber is planning to take the reigns back. I know you & I will enjoy hearing, straight from the horse's mouth, all the things she's experienced and felt in the past week & a half. Here's the quick version.

Sunday, it seemed like it was still going to be a few days until Josh was released from the hospital to go stay at the hotel with Amber. The doctors were watching his high heart rate and couldn't get it to stay at a level they were comfortable with, so it meant hanging around for a little longer. But I think the more the doctors said that, the harder Amber & Josh (and all of you) prayed otherwise. God heard those prayers! At about 3:00 Monday afternoon, they left the hospital! Josh was allowed to go to the hotel where Amber was staying for a couple of days so that they would be close in case anything happened that required medical assistance.

This morning, Josh & Amber are boarding a plane and heading HOME! (Either that or Josh is going to pull out his Superman cape & fly them home ...I'm not sure which. Amber mentioned flying, but I didn't get the details.) She said that Josh had a hard night last night, so the plane ride is going to be tricky, but they're trusting God to get them home safely. Please pray that Josh is not exposed to too many germs while they travel as well.

It's been a great pleasure to be Amber's voice here on her blog this past week. Thanks for letting me do it, sweet friend! Love you!

God bless,
Liz

A Heavenly Stranger

noreply@blogger.com (Amber Benge) — Mon, 12 Dec 2011 02:46:00 +0000

I have done pretty well keeping my emotions under control during this whole fiasco. When we got to Cleveland, I maintained my smile and upbeat facade for the sake of my very nervous husband. I stayed level headed, calm, and compassionate. Sure, I stomped through the 30 degree weather complaining and whining to no one in particular about how much nicer it would be to spend December on Oak Island. And yes, I did have a good cry in the shower one night.

But overall, I was doing fine. Until surgery day.

I spent the night in the hospital with Josh and slept very little. When the sun came up, I needed some fresh air so I stepped out into the hall. I made my way down the elevator and into the busy corridor of the heart pavilion. As people surrounded me on every side, the anxiety slammed into me. Suddenly I was fighting for air.

This was the worst possible moment for anxiety to catch up to me. I was crammed in a crowd full of strangers, a handful of family members and friends were arriving anytime, and I had a husband getting ready for open heart surgery within hours. Tears welled. Sobs caught in my throat as I gave myself a pep talk.

You can do this. You can do this. You can do this.
Just keep walking. One foot in front of another.
He is going to make it.

But oh how the doubts and fears were raging right at that moment. Images of burying my best friend were bombarding me. The word "Widow" kept repeating in my head. Worst case scenarios don't even begin to describe the fears that were assailing me.

I was helpless to do anything. I stood like a statue in the middle of all these people. I had made my way in front of the doors and people were passing me like I was invisible. I tried to force my feet to move, but they wouldn't.

Then suddenly this man bumped my shoulder hard. He didn't stop, didn't turn to look in my eyes. His long trench coat and black suit blended with the crowd.

As he bumped me, he whispered, "He's going to be okay."

Suddenly my feet of stone came to life and I twirled around frantically searching for this man who had spoken to me. Where was he? Did he really just say that? How did he know?

But he was long gone. He had disappeared into a crowd of people.

Hours later as I stood sobbing in a bathroom after kissing my husband good-bye, I thought of those words. He's going to be okay.

When the clock seemed to stand still and I desperately waited for an update from the operating room, his whisper echoed in my heart. He's going to be okay.

After the nurse gave me an update that they were restarting his heart and closing his chest, my anxiety was overshadowed by the soft reminder. He's going to be okay.

And you know what? He is. Sure, he's got a long road ahead, but he is alive. His heart is beating. He is breathing. He knows me. He loves me. He is getting a second chance. We have received a miracle. And that heavenly stranger was right.

He's going to be okay.

Sunday Update

noreply@blogger.com (Amber Benge) — Sun, 11 Dec 2011 19:29:00 +0000

Hello friends. Hope you're having a good Sunday! Here's the latest from Amber about Josh:

Around 10am:
Josh's fever broke during the night. His heart rate is about the same. They are increasing his beta blockers again. Doc says he lost a lot of blood and his counts are low so the heart is likely just working overtime to build the count back up and it will gradually slow on its own. They don't seem too concerned about it. he has to have an echo still but if they get in to do that today and it looks okay, they will let him come stay at the hotel suite starting tonight. Yay!

Then about an hour later:
Change of plans! His high heart rate is causing a little concern again. So now they are putting in more IV's and he's definitely not leaving. He is NOT happy about this latest piece of news.
More Later,
Liz

Saturday night update

noreply@blogger.com (Amber Benge) — Sun, 11 Dec 2011 02:30:00 +0000

I talked to Amber earlier tonight & she said they're feeling a tad discouraged because they're talking about waiting a little longer before sending them home --- like possibly Tuesday. And they're both missing the kids and home like crazy. So please pray for them in that. It's so hard to be away from home & family right now.

Also, she just posted on Facebook a few moments ago that Josh has begun to run a fever. We all know that's not good, so please get on your knees for him immediately & pray for protection from infections. I will update again tonight if I hear more from Amber about this or if things change.

On the upside, Amber got a lot of work done today & was going to attempt to do a little more before she goes to bed tonight.

More later,
Liz

Saturday morning update

noreply@blogger.com (Amber Benge) — Sat, 10 Dec 2011 17:47:00 +0000

Hello friends!

Josh should have the pacing wires removed from his chest today. Afterward, he will have an echocardiogram done and will be able to take a shower -- which he is very happy about!

The doctor has increased his beta blocker again to 100 mg because his heart rate is still around 100 bpm, even when he's lying down. That's not ideal, but it's OK because his rhythm is steady. However, because of the too fast heartrate, it looks like he may have to stay in the hospital a little longer. Amber is guessing that it may be Monday before he can get released now, depending on what the echocardiogram says today.

Amber says that Josh looks fantastic & has more energy today. He sat up for a couple of hours this morning & walked a full lap around the nurse's station.

They have changed his pain medicine and he's tolerating it well. He's not sleeping quite as much & is more alert. Pain is still an issue, but Amber said that he's taking it like a champ.

Please continue praying for Josh, Amber, Ally & Walker as they walk this road of recovery & getting back to life as usual.

Until next time,
Liz

Friday night update

noreply@blogger.com (Amber Benge) — Sat, 10 Dec 2011 02:55:00 +0000

Hello friends! I don't really know any of you, but I am really enjoying seeing the comments on Facebook & sweet notes on Amber's wall. I know she is blessed with a million awesome friends. Thank you for loving my girlfriend & her sweetie!

In praying for Josh & Amber today, God brought this Scripture to mind. I thought you'd all enjoy seeing it, too.

Philippians 1:3-6

I thank my God every time I remember you. In all my prayers for all of you, I always pray with joy because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now, being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.

Josh's pulse continues to remain in the 95-105 range at rest, which is a bit high so they are adjusting his beta blockers in hopes of getting it to a better speed. The doctors said a lot of this is just the way the heart heals from the trauma of the surgery and it will slow down on its own over time. They don't think it will be necessary to put in a pacemaker or defibrillator at this time, so that's a big relief! No more surgery right now, but they will have to fly back up in about six weeks for some follow up tests.

I asked Amber earlier today about whether or not they would be able to be home for Christmas or if they'd have Christmas in Cleveland this year. I'm certain that they will be pleased to be together ANYWHERE but I really hoped that they'd be able to be at home. Amber's response was a positive one. She said they should be able to fly home sometime next week or next weekend. Since Josh will be out of commission for a little while, the kids will stay with their grandparents until a couple days before Christmas so Amber can focus 100% on caring for Josh.

Speaking of the kids, Amber was able to Skype with them today. They seem to be doing well. I know that had to make her feel good to see their faces & know that they're happy and having fun with their grandparents. They know that Daddy had surgery for the doctors to fix his heart so that he can feel good enough to run & play with them again.

Amber is hanging in there. She's exhausted. She is hoping to do some catch up work this weekend because she's really behind. Her boss has been super about all of this & allowed her some leeway with her schedule. She asked that we pray for her to have the time & energy to get caught up this weekend so that she won't be so overwhelmed when Josh gets home & she is his full time caregiver. (Maybe we should all pray for large doses of caffeine to keep her going! ha ha)

If you need to get in touch with me, feel free to contact me at Lizreeves2@aol.com.

More later,
Liz

Friday afternoon update

noreply@blogger.com (Amber Benge) — Fri, 09 Dec 2011 20:46:00 +0000

I just got an update from Amber a few minutes ago. She said that Josh is hanging in there. He got up & did some walking today and has been sitting up for 45 minutes to an hour at a time. There has been some debate among the medical personnel about putting in a pacemaker/defibrilator, but as of right now Amber doesn't think they are going to do that. His heart seems to be doing well but his heartrate is a little high. The doctors increased his heart medications back up to 50 mg (but that is still a lot less than the 200 mg he was taking before). She said it's sort of a 'wait & see' sort of matter as his heart recovers from the trauma of surgery to see what things will be like. Josh says he can already feel a difference in how he breathes (praise the Lord!). The doctor said that unless he has some sort of complication crop up they will discharge him from the cardiac unit this weekend. He will then be able to stay at the hotel with Amber (a block from the hospital) for another 3-4 days before he's totally released.

Until next time, Liz

Friday Morning Update

noreply@blogger.com (Amber Benge) — Fri, 09 Dec 2011 15:22:00 +0000

Good morning friends of Josh & Amber! Here's what is going on with Josh this morning.

The nurses have told Amber that today may very well be the worst of all for recovery --- lots of pain! They will start cardiac rehab today, so that means lots of walking and the pain medicine they're giving Josh just sort of takes the edge off, but doesn't really relieve it altogether. So please pray specifically for his pain level today and for rehab to be a breeze! It will take a lot of hard work & energy, which I'm sure Josh is probably lacking right now. (I linked up an American Heart Association page about what cardiac rehab is for any of you who wondered what that involves. Just click on "cardiac rehab" above.)

On a fun sidenote, it's snowing at the hospital, so they're getting to enjoy that. (Through the window of course -- maybe the cardiac rehab folks will take Josh on a walk outside! ha ha...just kidding!) Amber said it's pretty cold. She packed the warmest clothes they have, but I suspect Josh's hospital gown doesn't have a built in heater. Brrr!

Please keep lifting up our friends. I know they appreciate every single prayer!

Until next time,
Liz

Thursday night update

noreply@blogger.com (Amber Benge) — Fri, 09 Dec 2011 03:46:00 +0000

Hi friends! Amber just sent me a quick update. She said:

He is doing well. They drained 3 liters of fluid off him which was just crazy. They removed the drain tube and central line so he just has two IVs now and a pain pump. He is on a nasal cannula for oxygen still but hopefully that will come off tomorrow. The nurses tell us that tomorrow will be the hardest day. He will have to start doing cardiac rehab which means lots of walking and breathing exercises. Its also important for him to cough frequently to keep that fluid out so he doesn't get pneumonia. They did two chest x-rays today and will do another first thing in the morning because they are a little concerned with the amount of fluid he had in lungs. I think he sounds a little better after respiratory therapist came in this last time. He needs to cough every hour but it hurts terribly. He is kind of pitiful with that. He coughs and big tears well up because the pain is so bad. It makes him almost sick. I think he has been so brave. I am super proud of him. He is in pretty good spirits and he has been wanting me nearby. We prayed together a few minutes ago and that felt good. Honestly didn't know if that would happen again. Also, his heart meds have already been reduced from 200 mg to 12mg. Crazy! His heart has stayed in sinus rhythm pretty much all day.

Obviously all those prayers are working friends! Keep 'em up!

'Til next time, Liz

Thursday afternoon update

noreply@blogger.com (Amber Benge) — Thu, 08 Dec 2011 22:11:00 +0000

Hi guys! It's Liz again. Amber just sent me an update, so I thought I'd go ahead and come over & share it with all of you real quick. (unless things come up like this mid-day, my plan is to update in the morning and evening)

She said that Josh has been moved out of ICU to a step down room, so that's great news! Unfortunately, he has some fluid on his lungs & is having to take Lasix for that. (I think it's pretty common after major heart surgery, but don't quote me on that.) Common or not, it's making him pretty miserable. Amber asked that everyone pray for the fluid is flushed from his system & that he can be more comfortable.

And on a personal note from me:
I am so touched & honored that Amber would let me do this for her. While she & I have never met in person, we've become friends online. We have a pretty special connection and have shared some major ups & downs with similar life experiences over the past few years. God is SO good to put together two crazy girls who live half way across the country from each other for sweet friendships. Thank you, Father!

Thursday morning update

noreply@blogger.com (Amber Benge) — Thu, 08 Dec 2011 14:46:00 +0000

Good morning! My name is Liz. I'm a friend of Amber's. She asked me to come over and let everyone know how things are going with Josh because she's busy, busy, busy and is having a tough time getting to the blog. She can update Facebook with her phone, but blogging is a little more tricky, so I'll fill you in on how things are going in the next day or two.

As you probably know by now, Josh had his surgery yesterday. It went great! The doctor removed a very large part of the mid-heart muscle (the wall down the center of the heart) and told Amber that Josh should feel a difference immediately. The surgery was lengthy, but last night, he was able to have the breathing tube removed and woke up long enough to kiss Amber and tell her he loves her before dozing back off.

This morning, he is already starting to sit up and has done well. He is understandably in a lot of pain though so big prayers are needed for that. He has a drain tube in his chest that is causing most of his discomfort and they are hoping to get that out today.

I will update more as I hear from Amber. Keep praying, friends! Josh and Amber have absolutely felt your prayers. God is good!

If you need to contact me, feel free. I check my email several times a day, so you can reach me there: Lizreeves2@aol.com. Although I will be gone for a few hours today, so don't give up if you try to email me & don't get a reply for a little while.

It's time to rally the troops!

noreply@blogger.com (Amber Benge) — Wed, 07 Dec 2011 20:37:00 +0000

Hi, everybody! Amy Beth here, from Ministry So Fabulous! I'm one of Amber's "blog friends" but, luckily, I'm also one of her "real-life friends." Amber and I met a couple of years ago when I photographed her family and have been friends ever since.

By now, you all know that Josh has been facing imminent open heart surgery. Amber will continue posting updates here on the blog but, in the meantime, I asked her if she'd trust me with her blog log-in information so I could come on here to rally the troops!

Around 3 p.m. EST today, Josh was taken back for open heart surgery. While we can't be at the hospital with her to support her during the next few days, we certainly can support her in other ways. Want to help? I knew you would!

1. Sign up for a time to pray. I'd love to see us be able to show Amber that someone is praying for her family around the clock for the next week. If you'd like to commit to a one-hour prayer slot, please leave your name in the comments of the post and tell me what day and time you'll pray over the next seven days (December 7 - December 14). For example, if I was signing up, I'd leave a comment on this post that said something like "Amy Beth; December 9; 8 p.m." You can sign up as many times as you'd like!

2. Send an encouraging note to Josh and Amber. I've got an address for Josh and Amber at the hospital if you'd like to send them an encouraging card. If you're interested in mailing something to them or even emailing encouragement to Amber directly, please send me an email at amybethbullard AT gmail DOT com and I'll be happy to give you the information!

3. Offer practical support. A group of people have come together to help Josh and Amber with their flights to the hospital as well as with most of Amber's hotel stay while she stays with Josh as heals from open heart surgery. I imagine there are still numerous financial hurdles to overcome, though, and I'd love for us to reach out to them in a practical sense. I'm still working on the details of exactly how this will work, but if you're interested in donating to an account set-up to help their family or providing gift cards that can help with practical needs (think Wal-Mart, gas, grocery stores, etc.), please send me an email at amybethbullard AT gmail DOT com and I'll let you know the details of how you can offer your practical support to Josh and Amber.

More than anything, I know both Josh and Amber covet your prayers over the next few days and especially today as Josh goes through surgery. I'm writing this at 3:30 p.m. EST, so let's get on this quickly to have every hour today covered as Amber waits for Josh's surgery to begin!

Just Wow.

noreply@blogger.com (Amber Benge) — Tue, 06 Dec 2011 18:07:00 +0000

When you pray for God to get the glory, don't be surprised if He shows off! One of the doctors who isn't even a specialist in Josh's particular condition has been popping in to talk to him each day and just see how he is. They've talked a good bit the past two days and today, he came in to see if we had any questions/concerns about surgery tomorrow. He sat down and really took time to just hang out with us for a few minutes. After we talked, he said, "Do you think it would be okay if I pray with you real quick?"

I cannot explain the Holy Spirit bumps that popped up as this doctor held our hands and began to pray for God to hold Josh in his hands during tomorrow's surgeries. This is NOT a Christian hospital and I was just stunned. Josh had been very open with this doctor (and everyone here) about his faith, but I never expected this doctor to want to pray with us. His intern was shadowing him today and he looked at the doc like he had lost his mind, but just sat down in a corner and watched. The doctor paused for long moments fighting tears as we prayed and when he said Amen, he was wiping tears.

God is doing something here. He is making His name famous and I'm so proud of my sweet husband for continuing to shine hope to every single person he meets, despite his own discomfort in the mean time.