Exhibit A

Now that my little ham (see Exhibit A) is napping by himself instead of on Mama’s chest, I’m able to get back to work. He also has an awesome Dad who loves to tease him and change his diapers (well, maybe just the teasing part) so that also gives me a few extra hours. And I’ve also got a mom’s helper of sorts coming around a few hours a week to let me pay attention to my other baby, my business. So here we go. Back to the editing and photo-ing and writing and other fun stuff. I’m back and raring to go.

Yes his onesie says boobies in calculator speak. 😉

What that means for my business is maternity leave from July to September. The workaholic in me cringes at this prospect, especially because my business has been growing like mad and I don’t want to let it stagnate. On the other hand, the human-becoming-a-parent in me can’t wait for a full three months to cuddle with my little one and tackle all of the challenges coming our way. And that has gotten me thinking about parenting. So before I even become one, I want to talk about my hopes and dreams for my parenting style.

Having spent five years in Germany, my eyes were opened to new styles of parenting. Of course there are many styles and they ebb and flow through the popularity matrix all the time. I think in particular though I want to make sure of a few things.

• I want my child to be as close to bilingual as possible (which means hiring a nanny who hopefully speaks German since I speak that language as well!).
• My life is not ending. My child will get to ride along with me and see how his dad and I do things. Actions speak louder than words, so I want him to watch us as examples.
• He will need a sprinkling of independence. That means I won’t be holding his hand through everything.

When it comes to the language I know that it will take some work since my husband and I speak the same language. I envy mixed-language families for this benefit. There are studies that show multiple languages enhance the brain, and I have seen in person how well people get along when they are capable of speaking more than one language.

I want to make an effort to keep my identity. I will be a mother, but I will also continue to be so many other things. That includes staying an editor and developing my business and hopefully watching it grow alongside my real-life monster (sometimes we call him the Loch Ness Monster because of the ripples he makes across my baby bump).

And for his independence, I’d like to adopt portions of the styles of parenting I witnessed in Europe. Things like allowing my child to find his own way in his own neighborhood—though this will be difficult in America as you can be arrested for things like this; teaching him that sometimes adults need adult time so he will have to entertain himself; and letting him explore the world even though he might get hurt (stupid American playgrounds are so safe they aren’t even fun anymore, thank you sue-happy country). I think it will be great to create my own mixture; I certainly don’t follow any other conventions in life so why would I suddenly start following one format of child rearing? But here are some great articles and a book on European children and some of the concepts I am considering:

How to Parent Like a German

The Case for Free-Range Parenting

Bringing Up Bebe

So keep an eye out for yet more opinionated posts from me as well as an announcement that my tiny, rambunctious one has arrived.

Isn’t it true that you should never talk about religion, money, or politics? Yep, to avoid confrontation and strife and heated debates, yep. I wish people were capable of having in-depth discussions about their beliefs without getting riled up. Listen to each side of the problem, consider the other person’s thoughts and feelings, and then make an informed decision. Or perhaps agree to disagree and then move on to other topics without anger or emotion. On the other hand, without anger and emotion, we have no joy and also no passion. So perhaps I like it this way.

What I do want to say is that Europe has made me open-minded. The challenge of living in a different culture, of integrating, has forced me to look at life more analytically. I’m a diverse person. I’m willing to look at both sides of the story. I enjoy research and learning. That is what I’ve taken away from my five years in Europe.

In two words?

Professional editing.

Recently I was reading some things by Joanna Penn where she discussed some of the differences between these two terms. In a nutshell, self-publishing still carries negative connotations because the author thinks they can and should do it all. This often leads to a finished project that doesn’t reach its full potential.

I know I’ve read many self-published stories on Amazon that had a great premise, but the book just didn’t do it for me. Sometimes its just typos. Other times there are gaps in the plot or jumps that just don’t make sense.

Indie Authors realize they can’t do it all on their own. They need a team to help them! This can include professional editors, typesetters, cover artists and marketers.

Now that I’ve chosen to move forward with my latest novel, I want to make sure the finished product is of the highest quality. This means hiring an editor and typesetter. Why?

1. I’m too close to the story to catch everything.
2. More eyes are always better.
3. I don’t have the software or skills to provide a truly beautiful inside experience for my readers.

Working with an editor (Amie!) on my first novel, THE MAGIC WAKES, was perhaps the most exciting part of the publishing process. I learned very quickly how wonderful it was to have an on going conversation about my book. Amie wasn’t out to crush me, but help me make my story the best that it could be.

A good editor is worth the cost for their time. That’s why I’ve started a Kickstarter project for FADE INTO ME. Please take a moment to check out my project video and pledge in support of better quality novels. The sooner we raise the money, the sooner I can get this novel into your hands.

Charity Bradford has been a voracious reader ever since her 5th grade teacher introduced her to the world of books with Where the Red Fern Grows and Summer of the Monkeys. She’s the mother of four kids that keep her on her toes, constantly reminding her that imagination still makes the world go round. She lives in Arkansas with her hubby and children, and firmly believes that a smile can solve most problems.

Links:
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But what I’ve realized recently is that people deserve to get what they want, not what I want. This goes both ways. If you know me well enough (and if you read my “I hate presents” post) then you’ll know I love experiences. But that may not be what you love.

The best analogy I have for this comes from my relationship with my husband. A lot of people can probably relate to the fact that one of us wants to cuddle and the other wants to rough house. Or one of us wants to go get burgers for dinner while the other wants a salad. This is a common occurrence in relationships because you have to accommodate two people. The selfless part of that relationship requires knowing (or asking) what the other person wants and giving them that. A lot of miscommunication happens because you either didn’t say what you wanted, or you just did what you wanted and expected the other person to notice and reciprocate. Most of it comes down to communication.

This works with people you are not romantically involved with. It also applies to birthdays and other gifts. I don’t like gifts. So I started giving experiences to my family. I made videos for them; I created scavenger hunts in cities; I planned trips for them. But it’s very possible that’s not what they really wanted.

I can ask them what they want straight out, or I can listen and pay attention. A lot of the time people will reveal their desires without even noticing. The trick is to be selfless enough to hear it and provide.

Giving isn’t about what you want or like. It’s about the other person. So do for them, or get for them, what they want.

If you’re looking for complete immersion into a world, for that feeling of being someplace else entirely, then Debt Collector is my definite recommendation. Susan Kaye Quinn is an incredible writer capable of building a world so complete and so intense that I didn’t even remember I was sitting in this world at all. I felt her world around me, tasted the acrid pollution, saw the flashes of light when the collector gathered time. I never want to stop reading these serials.

My one issue with this new character, Wraith, is that near the middle of this issue she turned into a mix of Batman and Ironman. She has two characters near and dear to her that resemble those in Batman and Ironman. She’s the rich orphan who has a genius making cool things for her. And she’s the rich orphan who has an amazing assistant she doesn’t entirely deserve. While those characters had their own personalities (which redeemed the story a little) and the main character is definitely not anything like Batman or Ironman in other ways, that similarity threw me off for a few pages. But then I just dove right back in.

The twists and turns are unexpected and surprising, which is exactly as it should be. I cannot wait to get my hands on the next one…and the next…and the next…

I hate presents.

Being raised with an obligation to celebrate people on specific days has given me a sour taste in my mouth. Contrary to teaching me to love others, holidays have turned me rebellious, sulking in the corner while everyone eats cake and sings. The world puts a lot of emphasis on showing our love through material things. Most the time people don’t even put any effort into it. They head to the mall on Christmas Eve and snag everything they see that looks somewhat nice. Recognizing specific days, instead of spontaneity; making certain people feel “loved” by the packages we hand over. It all makes me itch.

I have a hatred for all holidays. The holidays don’t deserve my vehemence, but I can’t help it. I just can’t find it in my heart to be passive about them. I absolutely abhor them. The holidays never did anything to me. I realize I need to relax a bit. But I hate wishing anyone “Happy (Anything).” It makes me gag.

It’s one of those things where I’ve continued to rebel well into my twenties. Like a teenager every time a friend celebrates a birthday, I grumble and groan about sending them a birthday card (heaven forbid I have to post to Facebook, which I find horrid in its own right).

The obligation and guilt I’m tormented with when a holiday comes up on the calendar is overwhelming. For that entire day I want to crawl under the covers and ignore the world. It’s been even worse lately as Facebook and Twitter and all the social mediums seem to be a place to broadcast how absolutely awesome you are about recognizing said holidays. Posting profile photos of daddys on Father’s Day, berating others for not seeing the true meaning of Memorial Day, writing long notes about how amazing your mother is so you somehow feel validated for having done your duty. When did public bragging become a form of giving to those who deserve it?

I’m also the type of person who can’t be fake. So if I don’t like a gift, I find it very, very difficult to act as though I love it. My gratitude falls flat. And then I feel terrible, completely horridly awful.

I’ve started to move toward living simply. Not having knick-knacks around my house, getting rid of the excess. So now gifts give me heartburn threefold.

Yet the way I react when someone hands me something with meaning behind it—that is a good feeling. Someone I love took the time to think about me, to consider who I really am, and found the perfect gift. It doesn’t even have to be tangible. It can be plane tickets for two or a chocolate bar. As long as there is true reason, I am thankful.

I also believe in experiences being more important things to spend money on than “things.” Travel is a large part of my life. Experiencing other cultures and getting to know the world like a close best friend is something that is very dear to me. I like to have my mind opened. I love wandering cities, getting lost, and gazing up and around at buildings, people, artifacts. Which means that I find it much more useful to spend my money on travel than things. And I get even more pleasure out of experiencing things with those I love. My husband surprised me with a Jane Austen weekend in England for my birthday a few years ago. He planned each detail with B&Bs, horseback riding, a stop at Jane Austen’s house, and so much more. When my mother came to visit me in Belgium I created a scavenger hunt around to Brussel’s landmarks for her birthday. That way we had some fun with the clues and also got to learn the city. We had the best waffles ever and found the obscure Jeanneke-Pis (the girl version of the peeing boy fountain).

I implore you to sit back and think about the people who really matter to you. Show them how you feel, on any given day in the year. Don’t get them flowers on Valentine’s Day just because everyone else is doing it, because you have to, because they expect it. Surprise them. Take your best friend on a spontaneous weekend trip to a place they’ve always wanted to go. Give to a charity in your significant other’s name. Call your mother on a Tuesday in August to tell her that you love her. Just please, please don’t ruin it by doing it on a holiday.

(Follow-up post to come on how we should give others what they want, not what we want. But I’d love to hear your thoughts before that one goes live.)

Then I saw posts from people who have been affected by other horrific diseases. Some of them commending the ALS Ice Bucket Challenge and bringing awareness not only to ALS but also to their own diseases. Another particular post outright condemned the ALS challenge saying that they “wouldn’t put an opinion about the challenge” but saying that their child’s disease was just as bad and deserved some awareness. This negative post turned me off immediately. While I felt for that person’s child, I didn’t share their post simply because they were downplaying another disease to say that theirs deserved some attention.

As a Type 1 Diabetic, this particularly hit home with me. I never thought “Why aren’t people doing this for diabetes? It’s so rude that they’re raising money for this other disease when I have to deal with diabetes.”

And then this post came into the works. It doesn’t take everything into consideration. There shouldn’t necessarily be comparison between one deadly disease and another. Yet it’s interesting to know all the facts and gain knowledge.

https://www.iflscience.com/health-and-medicine/infographic-shows-differences-between-diseases-we-donate-and-diseases-kill-us

Either way, the negative reaction to raising money for a disease was something that caused me to write this post. Any money raised, as long as the majority of it is actually put toward research, should not be put down in favor of another disease.

Now Charlie from Urban Writers’ Retreat and I have developed this program for writing a first draft in six months, the Six Month Novel. It’s our baby. Something created for writers by writers. It’s designed to keep writers motivated and accountable while feeling that they are part of a close-knit community of other writers–people going through the same thing.

And we’re getting ready to start the first official program.

I alternate between biting my nails and leaping and squealing. I’m so excited to work with new novelers. The test run over the last six months has turned out wonderfully and I can’t wait to meet new writers.

But while I’m busy being bi-polar as I prepare for the start of the program, you are welcome to enter our contest to win a spot worth £950! You just need a 100 word synopsis of your new novel idea. The contest ends Sunday night 8pm UK time.

And then next week we are having a free online training that anybody is welcome to. You can sign up for the newsletter on our website to get reminders about it. We’ll be chatting with you about how you can get a novel written in six months. We also have a free checklist so you can move ahead with your project.

Then our applications for the program (which runs from October 6th to April 15th) open on Monday September 22nd. By signing up for the newsletter you will also get notice of when applications open.