How can I expect to know God, how can I expect him to do anything for me/with me/through me if I’m not first doing what I can for myself? I’m not talking about success. I’m not talking about love. I’m not even talking about the feeling of peace. I’m talking about my part in the connection. I’m talking about character. I’m talking about work ethic, focus, and persistence to something beyond the bullshit insistence and triumphantism of happiness.

I can expect the dark and the bright times. I can expect and enjoy the repeated shock of cold water jumping into a stream. But without effort on my own part, without the willingness to step/dive/fall in, I can expect nothing in contrast from what I have now.

Listen! I will be honest with you;
I do not offer the old smooth prizes, but offer rough new prizes;
These are the days that must happen to you:

You shall not heap up what is call’d riches,
You shall scatter with lavish hand all that you earn or achieve,
You but arrive at the city to which you were destin’d—you hardly settle yourself to satisfaction, before you are call’d by an irresistible call to depart,
You shall be treated to the ironical smiles and mockings of those who remain behind you;
What beckonings of love you receive, you shall only answer with passionate kisses of parting,
You shall not allow the hold of those who spread their reach’d hands toward you.

- Walt Whitman, Song of the Open Road

On a sunny day in Portland, August, 2009

more. more. more.

Let no one hope to find in contemplation an escape from conflict, from anguish or from doubt. On the contrary, the deep, inexpressible certitude of the contemplative experience awakens a tragic anguish and opens many questions in the depths of the heart like wounds that cannot stop bleeding. For every gain in deep certitude there is a corresponding growth of superficial ‘doubt.’ This doubt is by no means opposed to genuine faith, but it mercilessly examines and questions the spurious ‘faith’ of everyday life, the human faith which is nothing but the passive acceptance of conventional opinion.
- Thomas Merton, From New Seeds of Contemplation

Sharing hand-rolled cigarettes, Daniel and I considered the path of those who’ve walked from the realms of contemporary church culture like a salty insect shell they would find somewhat discomforting in making any attempt to return to their shoulders. Our stories include us in this demographic, and we consider the heavy weight of this world left behind, but not as though shoulders were made only for burdons or for looking back over. It is the gift of a contemplative soul to shed the conventional in its falsehoods but its burdon to recognize that the only homes to be found are those that embrace the broken. Contemplation that considers the honest shape of the shell shed and the new home will recognize the cracks and scrapes and holes of any home but will continue the mendings. Like a cigarette that just won’t stay lit, only a bit of fire will bring new life, and with it, new impending death. In such a repetition, I can hear Vonnegut’s chorus: “So it goes..”

“I myself own a flower,” he continued his conversation with the businessman, which I water every day. I own three volcanos which I clean out every week (for I also clean out the one that is extinct; one never knows). It is of some use to my volcanos, and it is of some use to my flower, that I own them. But you are of no use to the stars…”
- Antoine de Saint Exupéry, The Little Prince

Hidden in this passing conversation is a philosophy of ownership that I believe could battle the depths of all that silliness that just doesn’t make sense in man’s (especially the Western Man’s) need to own. De Saint Exupéry is suggesting that man’s role in being and his responsibility in his perceived ownership is an action of pouring out. It is not an action of pulling in or becoming an effectual vacuum. The great responsibility man has been given is that of his active service to the world he is a part of. The world does not exist to service man, man exists to service it.

If you haven’t read de Saint Exupéry, please do.

I’ve finally found the time to finish processing photos from last April’s trip to Hawaii. There wasn’t a lot, but the summer provided enough distraction to keep me from its completion. I hope you all can enjoy these photos. Better yet, I hope they inspire you to see such a beautiful place with your own eyes. See the rest of the collection on my flickr.

Bryan and Beth’s wedding
Omaha, Nebraska, May 2009

near Copper Mountain, Colorado
September 8, 2009

Poudre River Canyon, Colorado
September 7, 2009

And a poet said, “Speak to us of Beauty.”
…
The tired and the weary say, “beauty is of soft whisperings. She speaks in our spirit.
Her voice yields to our silences like a faint light that quivers in fear of the shadow.”
But the restless say, “We have heard her shouting among the mountains,
And with her cries came the sound of hoofs, and the beating of wings and the roaring of lions.”
…
All these things have you said of beauty.
Yet in truth you spoke not of her but of needs unsatisfied,
And beauty is not a need but an ecstasy.
It is not a mouth thirsting nor an empty hand stretched forth,
But rather a heart enflamed and a soul enchanted.
It is not the image you would see nor the song you would hear,
But rather an image you see though you close your eyes and a song you hear though you shut your ears.
It is not the sap within the furrowed bark, nor a wing attached to a claw,
But rather a garden forever in bloom and a flock of angels for ever in flight.
…
[B]eauty is life when life unveils her holy face.
But you are life and you are the veil.
Beauty is eternity gazing at itself in a mirror.
But you are eternity and you are the mirror.

- Kahlil Gibran, The Prophet, Beauty (abridged)

Hasselblad 500c/m
Cannon Beach, Oregon, March 2009

I missed this house the moment I left on a jetplane back to Portland. If you’re ever in Atlanta, I pray you get the chance to meet the little birds who call this home.

In July I spent a week in Nashville and Atlanta, splitting my time there between my sister and a number of old and new friends. I’m still processing through everything that happened, and everything that has happened since. All the words shared and worlds explored. August has been a busy month- both socially and emotionally.

Lets face it, these days I’m better at updating my facebook with photos from such trips, but I wanted to share a few more on my blog as well. Here are a few from the trip in an attempt to keep both up to date.

Andrew Stonestreet and Laura Dart, South Nashville

Coffee and checkers

Laura, Lauren, Deppisch, Christin, Nicholas, all beautiful souls.

Lauren and Laura

South.

Atlanta Braves

The duck’s name is Greedy. Nikki knows him from years ago.

Hasselblad 500c/m

Hasselblad 500c/m
May, 2009

March, 2009

I’ve uploaded a group of photos from trips last March to Cannon and other beaches on the Oregon coast. The photos are all the medium format prints I’ve finally gotten around to scanning, some from a holga, others from the Hasselblad. See more of them at my flickr.

These photos should not be confused with those from the later summer trips. Those are still at the lab being developed. Soon to come..

My dear sister Becca moved to Franklin, TN, last year to study fashion at O’More College of Design. She has since started more of a public display of her works and the freelance projects she does styling for. This is good news for all of us, because her mind and soul are a blessing to anyone who can catch a glimpse of it. Please visit her blog at beccalanka.blogspot.com.

But please don’t expect her to twitter very often, none of us would like to become that self-absorbed.

(Photos by dear Allister Ann)

Starbucks is making a move to “de-brand” themselves, obviously sensing the heat they’ve generated in an increasingly anti-corporate society that is simultaneously beginning to realize its mistaken faith in unlimited growth (read: suburban lifestyle). Sorry, make that unlimited growth on imaginary bases.

I don’t necessarily have a problem with Starbucks any more than I have with any other large corporation. Actually they’re known to treat their employees well, and can be considered the prime builder of generation-Y’s coffee culture (which has offered some positive effects). They have since become something a bit different: bad coffee (though I don’t care for coffee snobbery) and anti-trust grumblings are nothing to be surprised about. Watered down quality and insistence on expansion are the standard marks of growth. And then more growth. And then more growth.

Most of the public disapproval against Starbucks’ “experiment” is that, as one protest sign I found stated, “you can’t fake local”. What I see in this slick move is no different than the greenwashing in marketing nor any other attempt to capitalize on trends in popular culture.

Despite the claimed attempt to “give the community what they want” with initiatives like donation of baked goods to shelters, inclusion of beer and wine on the menu, and the featuring of poetry readings and live music, 15th Ave. Coffee and Tea will still fall into the watered down version of what a corporate directors think the community wants. I suppose thats ok for some, however, so I wouldn’t be surprised to see the experiment succeed and further spread to more cities and markets. Markets, after all, reflect the desires of the people (though not an entirely objective spirit). The people, often enough, in pursuit of the ideal will settle for something short, something simply labeled local. Starbucks, being the stealthy businessmen that they are, know this, and are willing to give the people what they want.

A beautiful soul who we were fortunate to spend some time with last week/weekend. This photo happened at Cannon Beach, Oregon. We all wish the Althoffs would return to the NW.

Found these fantastic toy camera shots at theplasticlens.com. I’m excited to have found a camera that shoots without a mask, as can be seen in the photos. More expensive than a Holga, but the Blackbird Fly camera may be worth the $119. Its an replica of the old Kodak Duaflex TLR’s.