Mother U

List of Chores For 4 and 5 Year Olds: (That They Can Do On Their Own!)

Leah H — Fri, 31 Jul 2026 09:00:00 +0000

Chores for 4 and 5 Year Olds: Age-Appropriate Tasks They Can Actually Do On Their Own

My son was determined to help unload the dishwasher.

At four years old, he could barely reach some of the drawers, and it took nearly three times longer than doing it myself. More than once, I found measuring cups in the silverware drawer and forks mixed in with the spatulas.

I’ll be honest: I was tempted to tell him, “Thanks, but I’ve got it.”

But after a few weeks, something changed.

He knew where everything belonged. He could put away most of the dishes without help. And one day, I realized I wasn’t unloading the dishwasher alone anymore.

As parents, it’s easy to do everything ourselves. It’s faster. It’s easier. It avoids the mess, mistakes, and extra time that often come with teaching our young kids new skills.

But when we do everything for our kids, we sometimes miss opportunities to teach them how capable they really are.

Why Chores Matter More Than You Think

Chores for 4 and 5 year olds matter for reasons that go well beyond a tidier house. When we think about chores, it’s easy to focus on what gets done around the house. But the real purpose goes much deeper than that.

It’s about raising kids who know how to care for themselves, their belongings, and the people around them.

When our kids put their plate in the sink after dinner, pick up toys before bedtime, or help fold a basket of laundry, they’re learning an important lesson: being part of a family means contributing to it.

Of course, teaching chores isn’t always convenient.

A four-year-old putting away laundry will probably take longer than if you did it yourself. A five-year-old making their bed won’t leave it looking quite the way you’d like. There will be times when helping your child learn a new responsibility feels like more work than it’s worth.

But that’s part of the process. Children don’t become capable by watching us do everything for them. They become capable by doing things themselves.

The goal isn’t perfection. The goal is participation.

Read: Getting Started with Chores

My Favorite Chores for 4 Year Olds

With our younger kids, too many steps is often met with “I can’t do that.” This list might seem super simple, and that is exactly the point. When you label these as easy chores for young kids and give your kids more responsibilities, they really do feel like big kids.

Put Away Toys

Cleaning up after playtime is often one of the first chores children can learn independently. This was the first chore my son could truly do independently. At first I had to remind him where every bin belonged, but after about two weeks he rarely needed help. Having labeled baskets made a huge difference.

Sort Laundry

Sorting colors or matching socks is often one of the first ways kids can start helping with laundry. This was one of the first chores my son could really take part in. At first, he needed help figuring out what went where, and it took some time for him to understand the difference between everything. After a while, he started recognizing patterns and could sort most of it on his own. Making it into a simple matching game helped a lot.

Put Dirty Clothes in the Hamper

Putting dirty clothes in the hamper seems small, but it builds a daily habit and keeps floors clean. At first, this took a lot of reminders in our house, especially when clothes ended up on the floor right next to the hamper. After a while, it became part of the routine.

Feeding Pets

Feeding a pet is one of those chores kids usually love right away. In our house, it meant measuring out food and making sure our dog was taken care of, and it didn’t take long before my kids could do this on their own.

Water Outdoor Flowers

Watering outdoor flowers is an easy outdoor chore for kids. We started with a watering can instead of the hose, and I assigned a few plants for my son to take care of. He liked knowing which ones were “his” and it helped him stay consistent with it.

Help Carry Light Groceries

Letting kids help carry groceries is a simple way to include them in real tasks. Small items like bread or paper towels are usually a good place to start, and it often becomes something they take pride in doing when you get home from the store.

What Changes Between Age 4 and Age 5 When It Comes to Chores? {#what-changes-between-ages}

At four, kids are still figuring out what it even means to help. They can do simple jobs, but they usually need reminders and a lot of guidance along the way. You’re still right there with them most of the time.

By five, things start to shift. Not overnight, but you notice it. They can stick with something a little longer, remember a few steps, and actually want to do “bigger kid” jobs like helping in the kitchen or taking something off your plate.

And of course, there’s a wide range here. Some kids are already doing a lot of this at four, others not until later. It’s less about the exact age and more about what they’re ready to practice.

Family Practices & Contribution

0-5, 13-18, 6-12

No Nag Chore Routines

Getting kids to do chores shouldn’t be a daily battle. Let me help you build a simple, age-appropriate system that teaches independence, teamwork, and responsibility—without constant micromanaging. Because a well-run home isn’t about doing it all yourself.

Start Now

The Chores I’d Do with 5 Year Olds

The best chores for 5 year olds build on what they learned at four, adding a bit more independence and follow-through.

Make Their Bed

It won’t be perfect. It doesn’t need to be.

Clear Their Plate After Meals

Yes, and it is one of the easiest daily habits to build at this age. It seems simple, but it’s a great early responsibility. Most kids need reminders at the beginning, especially after meals when they’re ready to move on, but it’s one of those habits that sticks with repetition.

Fold Washcloths and Small Towels

Small laundry items are a great starting point for learning folding skills.

Empty Small Trash Cans

Bathrooms and bedrooms are often the easiest place to start with this chore. The bins are small, and the job is simple enough for kids to handle on their own. It’s one of those tasks that slowly helps them notice when something needs to be done and take care of it without being reminded every time.

Help Unload the Dishwasher

They may not do it perfectly, but they can absolutely participate with a little bit of guidance. I always start with silverware and work my way up to bigger dishes.

Read: Why Kids Resist Chores

How to Get Preschoolers to Actually Help

Getting kids to actually do the things they’re capable of is often the harder part.

Sometimes this is where parents find themselves stuck. A child might be able to do a chore one day and refuse it the next because they’re tired, distracted, or focused on something else. That’s completely normal.

At this age, they’re still learning emotional regulation and how to follow through even when they don’t feel like it. Consistency matters far more than expecting perfect cooperation every time.

Start Small

One or two chores is enough to start. At this age, working memory is still developing, so too many steps or expectations at once usually leads to shutdown or resistance. It’s much more effective to master a few routines well than to introduce a long list that no one can follow through on.

Work Alongside Them

Younger children learn best through what’s called guided participation, meaning they understand and remember tasks more easily when an adult is involved at first. Doing chores together gives them a model to follow and helps them stay focused while they’re still learning the steps.

Build It Into the Routine

Kids do better when expectations are predictable. When chores happen at the same points in the day, like before dinner, before bath, or after school, they stop feeling like a surprise request and start feeling like part of the routine. That predictability is what makes follow-through easier over time.

Expect Progress, Not Perfection

At this stage, children are still developing skills like impulse control, attention, and task persistence. That means consistency will vary from day to day. Some days it will go smoothly and other days it will not. You will redo things, you will step in, and you will sometimes take over. That is part of how children learn these skills over time.

Make It Feel Like Family Life, Not a Job

Young children are more likely to cooperate when chores feel like participation rather than performance. Keeping the tone light, working together, and using simple supports like music or timers helps reduce resistance. Over time, repetition and consistency are what build independence, not pressure in the moment.

Family Practices & Contribution

0-5, 13-18, 6-12

Family Tidy Routines

This workshop will help you build a simple 15-minute daily routine that fits into real life—so the house stays (mostly) clean and the kids finally learn to help. Because a clean home is a team effort, not a one-mom show.

Start Now

What Is the Real Goal of Giving Young Kids Chores? {#real-goal-of-chores}

It may be faster to do it yourself. It almost always is. But every time you pause long enough to let your child try, you’re building something that lasts far longer than a clean kitchen or a tidy living room.

When we step back and think about why kids do chores, it is not really about a cleaner house. It is about learning how to contribute, how to take responsibility, and how to be part of a family system where everyone helps.

Start with one or two age-appropriate chores for four and five year olds and build from there. Not because it makes life easier right away, but because it helps them become more capable over time.

The post List of Chores For 4 and 5 Year Olds: (That They Can Do On Their Own!) appeared first on Mother U.

Beyond Outside Activity Ideas: How to Get Kids to Play Outside More Often (and Stay Outside Longer)

Leah H — Fri, 24 Jul 2026 09:00:00 +0000

Outside Activity Ideas That Actually Work (and Keep Kids Busy Longer)

At some point in the day, most kids end up standing at the door or wandering the house asking, “What can I do?” It usually happens after they’ve already moved through toys, snacks, screens, and everything else inside the house has to offer.

And still, they are looking for the next thing. It is not really that there is nothing to do. It is that they are waiting for direction, for someone to suggest what comes next. And if we are honest, that someone is usually us.

If you’re looking for outside activity ideas that actually hold their attention (so you can get a few minutes of breathing room), you’re in the right place.

This is exactly the moment when getting outside changes the rhythm of the day. The moment they step outside, the expectation shifts. They are no longer looking for the next idea to be handed to them in the same way, and they tend to settle into what is already there.

Why Outside Changes the Way Kids Play

Outside shifts kids from passive to active — instead of waiting for the next thing, they start creating it themselves.

A lot of us grew up going outside in the morning and not coming back in until it got dark. Things look different now, but most of us still want the same thing for our kids. More time outside, more fresh air, more time in nature.

Have you ever noticed that kids can spend forever outside doing something that seems incredibly simple? Digging, collecting sticks, moving rocks from one spot to another. Things we might not think twice about.

They don’t seem bored like they often do inside. They just keep going with what’s already there and stay with it much longer than most indoor activities hold their attention.

That’s one of the things I love most about outside play. It gives kids space to build their own ideas instead of constantly waiting for the next thing to be planned for them. If you want to see this kind of open-ended creativity in action with younger kids, invitations to create tables for preschool classrooms show how the same principle works beautifully indoors too.

[Read: Why Playing in the Dirt is Good for Kids]

Outside Activity Ideas That Actually Hold Their Attention

The good news is that the best outdoor play activities for kids are usually the simplest ones.

Some kids head outside and instantly come up with ten different things to do. Others stand there and tell you they’re bored before they’ve even left the porch.

That’s okay. Sometimes kids just need a little idea to get them started. The nice thing is that getting outside doesn’t have to be complicated. You don’t need a huge yard or expensive outdoor toys.

Chalk on the Driveway

Chalk is one of those simple outside tools that doesn’t need much direction. You can set it out and give a loose idea, or just hand it over and see what happens.

Sometimes we’ll draw roads for cars or trucks and the kids will build on it, adding parking spots, ramps, or “cities” that spread across the driveway. Other times it turns into shapes, hopscotch boxes, or just a big open space for drawing whatever they want.

And honestly, a lot of the time I don’t even suggest anything anymore. Once they start, they usually take it in a completely different direction and stay with it much longer than if I tried to guide the idea.

Water Play

There is something about water that keeps kids interested longer than almost anything else. It doesn’t have to be a fancy water table or a Pinterest setup, either.

A bucket of water, a few measuring cups, paintbrushes, a sponge, or even a spray bottle can keep kids busy for a surprisingly long time. They’ll wash toys, paint the sidewalk, fill and dump containers, make “potions,” or come up with games you never would have thought of.

If it’s a hot day, turn on the sprinkler or let them wash bikes, outdoor toys, or the patio with a sponge. If it’s cooler outside, a small tub of water on the porch is often enough.

The best part is that water play doesn’t require much direction. Give them a few simple supplies and step back. Kids naturally experiment, create, and stay engaged because there’s no right or wrong way to play.

Nature Scavenger Hunt

Kids don’t always need a printed scavenger hunt. Sometimes simply asking them to find something red, something rough, something that flies, or three different kinds of leaves is enough.

Looking closely at what’s around them naturally slows kids down. They notice bugs, flowers, birds, rocks, and things they would normally run right past.

If they enjoy collecting treasures, let them bring home a few interesting rocks, pinecones, or leaves to examine later. The activity continues long after they come back inside. For more structured seasonal outdoor play, preschool fall activities are a great place to find ideas that work well outside too.

Ride-On Toys

Bikes and scooters are some of the best fun outdoor activities for kids in summer because they naturally turn into imaginative play.

Most kids won’t just ride in circles. They’ll create obstacle courses, pretend they’re delivering mail, race siblings, or invent an entire story around where they’re going. That’s the beauty of open-ended outdoor play!

Adding sidewalk chalk roads, cones, or a few pool noodles can make the activity feel brand new without buying anything else.

Loose Parts Play and Why It Works Outside

One of the easiest ways to encourage outdoor play is to put out materials that don’t have one specific purpose.

Think buckets, sticks, rocks, logs, cardboard boxes, flower pots, PVC pipes, old kitchen utensils, toy animals, or pieces of wood.

Kids naturally combine these materials into forts, restaurants, construction sites, obstacle courses, or completely made-up worlds.

Loose parts encourage imagination because the toys don’t tell kids what to do. They have to figure it out themselves, and that’s where some of the best play happens.

Keep a Simple Outdoor Bin

You don’t need a backyard full of toys. Fill a bin with a few favorites like balls, bubbles, sidewalk chalk, jump ropes, or bug-catching supplies. Rotate items every week or two, and they’ll feel new all over again.

How Do You Get Kids Outside Without the Pushback? {#how-do-you-get-kids-outside-without-the-pushback}

Most of the pushback doesn’t actually happen once kids are outside. It happens right before that. Getting shoes on, turning off the TV, pausing whatever they’re doing, and deciding it’s time to go. That’s usually the part that drags out or turns into a back and forth.

But once they’re actually outside, things usually shift pretty quickly. They find something to do, start moving, and suddenly it’s not a big deal anymore.

[Read: Avoid Summertime Screentime Battles]

Skip the Question

“Do you want to go outside?” usually opens the door to negotiation. It turns into a yes or no moment that kids feel like they can debate.

Instead, keep it simple and matter of fact. “Put your shoes on and grab your water.” Or “We’re going outside for a bit.” The less it feels like a decision, the smoother the transition usually goes.

Make It Part of Your Routine

Outside time works best when it isn’t treated like a special activity that has to be planned or agreed on. When it becomes part of the natural rhythm of the day, there is less pushback.

After breakfast. After lunch. Before dinner. Whatever actually fits your family’s flow. It doesn’t have to be the same exact time every day, but having a loose rhythm helps kids expect it instead of resist it.

Most of the time, it’s not about convincing them to love going outside. It’s just about making it the next thing that happens.

How to Help Kids Stay Outside Longer

Keeping kids outside longer usually comes down to a few small shifts, not bigger activities or more toys.

This is usually what parents are really noticing. Not whether kids will go outside, but whether they actually stay engaged once they’re there.

One thing that helps is not constantly adding new ideas once they’re outside. It’s really tempting to keep suggesting things or trying to guide the play, but every new idea pulls their attention back to you instead of what they’re already doing. Most of the time, they’re actually fine once they settle in.

It also helps to keep simple things like water and snacks easy to access. A lot of the “I’m done outside” moments aren’t really boredom. They’re just kids needing a quick reset or something basic like a drink or a snack.

Another simple shift is rotating what’s available. You don’t need a lot of outdoor toys or anything new. In fact, leaving everything out all the time usually makes it less interesting. When a few things disappear for a bit and then come back, they feel new again without you having to buy anything.

At the end of the day, most kids don’t need more structured activities outside. They just need enough space and time to stay with one thing long enough to actually get into their own play.

Outside naturally gives them that. Not perfectly and not every time, but often enough that you start to notice the difference in how the day feels.

The post Beyond Outside Activity Ideas: How to Get Kids to Play Outside More Often (and Stay Outside Longer) appeared first on Mother U.

Tips for Creating Household Rules

Becca — Fri, 17 Jul 2026 20:20:30 +0000

How to Create Household Rules That Actually Work for Your Family

If you feel like you are constantly repeating yourself, negotiating every little thing, or wondering why your home feels chaotic, you probably don’t need more parenting hacks. You might just need clearer household rules.

I’ve always said you don’t need a hundred rules in your home. You need the right ones. The ones that create more calm, help your kids understand expectations, and make daily life run a little smoother.

This is where many parents get stuck. We want our kids to have freedom, but we also know boundaries create a calmer home. The goal of household rules is not control. It is creating a home where everyone knows what is expected.

Why Do Household Rules Matter for Kids?

It can sometimes feel like our kids would rather have no rules at all, but boundaries give children a sense of safety and security. They help kids understand what is expected, what is okay, and what happens when expectations are not met.

Think about rules outside your home. Our entire society runs on rules because rules create order. Think about the rules outside your home. Traffic rules, classroom expectations, and workplace guidelines all exist because they create order. Homes are no different.

Household rules create structure. They teach kids important skills like respect, responsibility, communication, and self-control. They also remove some of the daily guesswork because your child knows the expectations before a problem happens.

And remember, every family will have different rules. What works in one home might not work in another, and that is okay. Whether you are a brand-new parent or you have been doing this for years, it is never too late to create household rules that fit your family.

Read: Too Many Rules Make Tired and Angry Parents

How Do You Create Effective Household Rules?

Creating family rules does not mean sitting down and creating a giant list of everything your child can and cannot do. Actually, too many rules usually create more stress for everyone.

1. Start With Your Family Values

Before you decide what rules your family needs, think about what matters most in your home.

What do you want your home to feel like?
How do you want family members to treat each other?
What skills do you want your children to learn?

Your household rules should connect back to those answers.

For example, if your family values respect, your rules might focus on using kind words and listening when someone else is speaking. If your family values responsibility, your rules might include cleaning up belongings or helping with household tasks.

When rules are connected to your family values, they feel less like random restrictions and more like expectations that help your family work together.

2. Identify Where You Need More Structure

Before creating a list of rules, pay attention to where your home feels the most chaotic.

Where are you repeating yourself over and over?
What situations turn into daily battles?

Maybe it is the morning routine, screen time, sibling conflict, bedtime, or how your child speaks to others.

Those moments are usually telling you where your family needs a clearer expectation. Remember, the goal is not to create rules for everything. It is to create rules that actually make your day-to-day life easier.

3. Make Household Rules Clear and Specific

One of the easiest ways to create more frustration around household rules is to make them too vague. A simple “no” might stop a behavior in the moment, but it does not actually teach your child what you expect from them moving forward.

For example, saying “We don’t hit” is important, but kids also need to know what they should do instead. A clearer expectation might sound like, “In our family, we keep our hands safe. If you are angry, you can use your words, take a break, or ask for help.”

Many parents stop at the first part of the rule because the second part feels harder. We know we don’t want hitting, yelling, or disrespectful behavior, but we haven’t always decided what happens next.

The most effective household rules include both the expectation and the response. Your child needs to know what the family rule is, but they also need consistency when that rule is broken.

4. Avoid Empty Threats

We have all had those moments where we say something in the heat of the moment and immediately realize we just created a consequence we cannot actually maintain.

“You’re not having screen time for a month!” And then later you are thinking, How did I end up negotiating my own consequence?

The problem with consequences that are unrealistic is that kids quickly learn they are not always going to happen. Instead, focus on responses that are connected to the behavior and that you can consistently follow through with.

If your child throws a toy, the toy may need to be put away for a while. If screen time has become a struggle, your family may need to adjust the expectations around when and how screens are used.

The goal is not to make your child feel punished but to help them understand that choices have outcomes.

Read: Screen-time Do’s and Don’ts

5. Keep Rules Positive When You Can

Not every household rule needs to start with what your child should stop doing. In many situations, kids respond better when they know what they can do instead.

For instance, instead of “Don’t make a mess,” you might say, “We clean up what we use before we move on.”

This small shift changes the focus from correcting behavior after it happens to teaching your child the behavior you want to see. Teachers often use a similar approach in the classroom, and resources like voice level posters are a great example of how visual, positive cues can reinforce expectations without focusing on what kids are doing wrong.

6. Remember That Rules Will Change as Your Children Grow

One thing that can be easy to forget as a parent is that the rules that worked for your child last year may not work the same way today.

As children grow, their needs change, their abilities change, and the amount of independence they can handle changes. The bedtime routine that worked for your preschooler may need to be adjusted when they start elementary school. The screen time rules that made sense at age five may look different when they are older.

Sometimes we hold onto old rules because they are familiar, even when our child is ready for something different. Other times, we loosen expectations without realizing our child still needs more guidance.

Examples of Common Household Rules

There is no magic number of household rules that every family needs. Some homes may need more structure around routines and responsibilities, while others may need clearer expectations around sibling conflict, screen time, or communication.

Here are some common areas where families often benefit from a simple household rules chart or clear list.

How We Treat Each Other

These rules set the tone for how your family communicates, handles disagreements, and treats one another when emotions run high.

Examples:

We speak to each other with respect, even when we are frustrated.
We keep our hands, feet, and bodies safe.
We can be upset, but we do not hurt people with our words or actions.
We listen when someone is talking.
We take a break when we need to calm down.
We use our words to solve problems instead of yelling, hitting, or name-calling.

Taking Care of Our Home

Kids are part of the family, and household rules help them understand that everyone contributes. Building this sense of ownership early makes a real difference, and it connects to how kids develop responsibility in other settings too. For example, tools like free printables that help kids track routines and responsibilities can be a simple way to reinforce these expectations visually.

Examples:

We clean up our toys and activities before moving on to something else.
We put our belongings back where they belong.
We take care of the things we use.

Safety Rules

Every family needs a short set of non-negotiable safety rules, and these are a good place to start. Some household rules exist simply because part of our job as parents is keeping our kids safe. These expectations may change as children grow, but having clear safety rules helps kids understand boundaries and build independence over time.

Examples:

We ask before leaving the house.
We stay where an adult can see us.
We follow safety rules when playing outside.
We tell an adult when something feels unsafe or when we need help.

Everyday Routines and Expectations

A lot of family conflict happens during the same moments every day. Clear expectations around routines can remove some of the constant negotiating.

Examples:

When screen time ends, we turn it off without arguing.
We follow our bedtime routine.
We get ready for school before playtime.

The rules your family needs will depend on your children’s ages, personalities, and the areas where you need more support. Start with the places that create the most stress in your home. Those are usually the areas where a clear expectation can make the biggest difference.

How Do You Communicate Household Rules to Your Children?

Having household rules is only helpful if your kids actually understand what they are. A rule that only comes up in the middle of a conflict usually feels like a punishment instead of an expectation.

The best time to talk about family rules is when everyone is calm. You do not have to sit your kids down for a formal family meeting every time you create a new rule.

Keep your explanation simple. Kids do not need a ten-minute lecture about why a rule exists. In fact, the longer we explain, the more likely we are to end up in a debate.

And if you’re reading this thinking, “Okay, but how do I get my child to actually listen without every conversation turning into a fight?” That’s exactly what the Bye Bye Back Talk audio guide helps with.

It walks you through practical ways to respond to disrespect, set boundaries, and communicate without feeling like you’re constantly repeating yourself.

How Do You Create Simple Household Rules That Work for Your Family?

There is no one perfect list of household rules that every family needs. What works in one home might not work in another, and that is completely okay.

Some families may need more structure around routines and responsibilities. Others may need clearer expectations around communication, screen time, or sibling conflict. The important thing is not having the most rules. It is having the right rules for your family.

Rules are simply a way to create more clarity, connection, and calm in your home. They help your children understand what is expected while giving them the boundaries they need to grow.

If your home feels chaotic right now, start small. Choose one area where you find yourself repeating yourself the most and create a clear expectation around it. A few consistent household rules can make a bigger difference than a long list that no one can maintain.

The post Tips for Creating Household Rules appeared first on Mother U.

Chore Barriers… These 6 Things Make Kids Resist Chores

Rachel Norman — Mon, 24 Feb 2025 20:15:25 +0000

Kids don’t want to do chores and resist chore time when these habits are going on in the home. Let’s get those kids to cooperate!

If you’ve got little ones making messes, then you need little ones picking those messes up.

Sure, you may have some kids who:

escape to the bathroom during chores
whine and fuss and avoid the work
start serious power struggles

But the good news is this: if you eliminate a lot of the barriers I mention in this video and in this post, your kids will get on their way to being chore machines.

You don’t ask your kids to do chores OFTEN enough

If it’s only random or occasional requests to do chores, they won’t get used to them.

When kids feel it’s Out Of The Blue and not that often, it feels like a big imposition. Kids will feel like chores are YOUR job and that you’re “asking them for help.”

ask regularly (daily, weekly at a minimum).
don’t phrase it like a question, it’s not a choice.
let them get to the point of Chore Saturation so they just get on with it.

Nothing happens if kids refuse to do chores.

If nothing happens when kids refuse… they’ll continue to refuse.

Chores are non-negotiable and the kids don’t get to choose. Now, they may choose when or how, but if you are requiring them to help out then that’s that.

Bake a consequence into the rule.

It may be something like “chores and then screen time.” Which also means “no chores = no screen time.”

Think through what will be the consequence and attach it to the rule. This will prevent you from trying to think of a lot of random consequences any time you meet resistance.

Not having the right tools.

If you want chores to be painless for the kids, make sure you have everything you need within reach.

nontoxic cleaning products
mops, brooms, stools, etc.
cleaning caddies
things put where kids can reach

Organizing your cleaning supplies and making sure kids feel empowered and knowledgeable about how to use them go a long way. Kids will get familiar with the tools. They’ll know which products do what.

And this will help them take ownership.

There’s no carrot to doing the chores.

Our kids’ days need to be organized for cooperation.

This means you don’t let them do Super Fun things they don’t want to stop BEFORE their jobs.

For example.

You wouldn’t let a child play on a device before they’ve done their chores. Screens should always be given AFTER responsibilities are taken care of.

order work before play
choose a time to do chores before something fun (like snacks or meals)
having a regular time of tidy routines or doing a sweep before going somewhere fun so they are motivated.

Read These While You’re At It

4 Reasons It’s Hard for Moms To Teach Their Kids To Clean A Doable Weekly Cleaning Schedule For Busy Moms Big List of Chores 2 & 3 Year-Olds Can Do On Their Own Daily Chores for Kids that Help Prepare Them for Life How Moms Can Work Themselves Out of Their Chores (a Step-by-Step Guide)

It’s gotten too overwhelming and it’s too much.

If your child’s room is too messy to even start, that will make it seem insurmountable to your child.

Avoid overwhelm by staying on top of things regularly.

do daily tidying routines along with your child
institute an evening sweep
have kids clean up after independent play daily
do one thing before another (aka clean up before fun stuff)

Chores should be routine.

Chores should be a routine part of family life for your kids. The more often you do it, the less resistance they will have.

You can do this, mama!

How do I know which kinds of chores are age-appropriate for my child?

You know you child best, so you can determine things around the house that they can help with since each child is different. Check out this blog post and this one to use as a guide for this.

How do I know if my child actually can’t do a chore or if they just don’t want to do it?

Kids need to be taught, in-depth, how to do chores. I like the gradual release of responsibility approach where the parent starts by modeling how to do the chore, then the child does guided practice where they’re doing the chore with support from their parent, and then they can do it independently when the parent is confident that they can do so. Using this approach ensures that they can do the chore confidently and by themselves.

How do I teach my child to do chores correctly without doing it for them?

The first few times do the chore alongside them, then let them try while you offer gentle guidance. Overall, encourage effort over perfection and offer regular check ins to praise their work and offer feedback so they know how to do the chores well.

The post Chore Barriers… These 6 Things Make Kids Resist Chores appeared first on Mother U.

Quiet Time (Rest Time) for Toddlers: All You Need to Know

Rachel Norman — Wed, 12 Feb 2025 19:45:00 +0000

Who know quiet time was so beneficial? As a mother of multiple children, it’s more than that. It’s a great break in the day for us all. Here’s what you need to know:

The concept of quiet time or rest time for little ones comes up for most moms when their their toddler/preschooler is dropping their afternoon nap.

You’ve enjoyed hours of afternoon reprieve for some alone time. Or maybe you used that time to work or get chores done and now… your little one is on a nap strike.

Or more accurately… they’ve grown out of the need for a nap. But still need some quiet time of rest.

Don’t go from afternoon naps to full on busy days without keeping that space for quiet rest. So let’s get into what rest time for toddlers looks like.

Let’s Define Quiet Time for Toddlers

Rest time is when your child goes to a predetermined location to play quietly at a time determined by you for a duration determined by you.

This is not the same time as a child playing alone during the day focusing on one toy. It is a structured time.

What does a quiet (rest) time routine look like?

In our home rest time began at the same time the afternoon nap did. 1 p.m. The child goes into their crib (with toys) or their room (with safe toys) or wherever makes most sense for your child.

And they play there quietly for the duration of the time you have chosen. When your child gets into the groove you’ll soon start to see them loving this time.

This will typically replace independent play time.

What does it not look like?

Screen time (this is totally separate to rest time)
5 or 10 minutes of solitary play here or there throughout the day
Shoving your child in their room for long periods randomly to get a break

So…how do we get our toddlers to a place where they enjoy quiet time? Don’t worry, I’m going to talk about that! But first…

What the the benefits to a toddler’s quiet time?

One of the best benefits to a toddler’s quiet time is you get to see their true little personalities shine.

I remember listening in and cracking up while one of my son’s made up stories based on the pictures in a book he was “reading.” He couldn’t read, but he could sure make up a funny story. It was priceless!

But really… here are some benefits:

Toddler’s gain independence,
learn to love creativity,
rest their minds to prevent over-stimulation,
grow in fine motor skills,
raise self-awareness,
begin to self manage time,
build confidence,
give you a break from then during the day, and
learn to appreciate things such as organization and a tidy room (as you’ll have them tidy up after rest time)

How to Ease Them Into It If They’re Resistant

Nothing is fun when you’re in full fledge meltdown.

When you’re toddler is over-tired or over-stressed, introducing a quiet time might feel like a “time out.” This is clearly NOT what we’re going for here.

Let me say that again… quiet time is not punishment.

On the contrary, it is a time to enjoy. It can become a person’s favorite time of the day.

I have found these tips to be extremely successful in easing a child into a peaceful quiet time:

Pick a time during the day that is low impact. In other words, nothing important is going on that they are going to “miss.” This is why the former nap time is good, they’re used to it.
Have some toys, books, etc. specifically chosen for their “quiet time.” Organize them to build interest. Nothing that’ll make too much of a mess, be dangerous in any way, or that will cause frustration. Choose imagination toys, if possible.
Reassure them that you’re not going anywhere and don’t sneak around.
Remember to tell them what you want them to do, not what you don’t want them to do. In other words, tell them to stay and play quietly. Don’t say: “stop getting up and running in here to me.”
Take small steps. The first week may only be 15 to 20 minutes of quiet play.
Stick with it. It’s a valuable skill that you are teaching them. These lessons are not going to be learned overnight, but it’s worth it.

Here are some tips for making quiet time safe:

Especially if you have a young toddler giving up their nap, start their rest time in their crib with some toys you choose.
Have specific quiet time toys (bigger blocks, dolls with no small pieces, etc.).
Remove any dangerous objects such as things they can pull down on themselves or choke on. Bolt furniture to walls or use straps to prevent from falling (in case they are climbers).
Use baby monitors if you’re out of eye shot.

Keep the Peace

Having a healthy quiet time each day is beneficial for many reasons… as we discussed earlier. I see it as a soft spot during the day for relaxing and decompressing.

You want to make this time peaceful for your little one. Often your little one will fall asleep while playing. If they do this towards the end of rest time, let them nap a bit and then wake them up. If they start their nap late and sleep late, bedtime will be hairy.

Some kids may like some softly playing music as background noise. One of my little ones does well with a Sound Machine. I think this is mainly to block out any sounds (outside of his room) that may be a distraction to him.

Quiet Time For Kids Of All Ages

Now that my children are a bit older and afternoon quiet or rest time isn’t baked into their day, we have it before bed. About 45 minutes prior to kisses, cuddles, and lights out, my kids will go to their rooms with some books.

Picture books if they’re not reading, or any type of book they’re interested in if they are.

When I started this I made it super enticing. I propped them up on comfy pillows, stuffed animals on both sides, turned on their light music and covered them with their comforter or soft blankets.

Even now, sometimes the kids fall asleep before I come back to kiss them good night. This prevents the Before Bedtime Second Wind and also is just generally a great wind down practice.

How long should toddler rest time be?

Rest time will probably be an hour. Some children who are in the zone and loving it may even play for upwards of 1.5 to 2 hours. You can play it by ear, but aim for a good hour. Time will fly when they’re used to it and enjoying this time.

Is quiet time necessary?

Depends on who you ask. Ask your toddler, then no. Ask a mother, YES! Of course you can get through the day without a quiet time, but it’ll definitely help center moods and calm your child’s spirit. And likely your own.

Why is quiet time important for toddlers?

Quiet and rest time helps center your child. There’s no aggravation from other siblings, no loud noises or music, no having to share, no distractions. Your child will be able to go into a play world of their own and the benefits of this are limitless.

How do you set up quiet time?

To set up a quiet or rest time, create a welcoming environment for your child in a place of your choosing. Select safe age appropriate toys that will allow some room for the imagination, and explain to your child what’s going to happen. You decide the time and you decide the duration.

How do I know if my child is ready to drop their nap?

Most kids are ready to drop a nap between the ages of 3 and 4. I go into all things dropping a nap HERE.

The post Quiet Time (Rest Time) for Toddlers: All You Need to Know appeared first on Mother U.

Who are routines REALLY for? Kids or Moms?

Rachel Norman — Tue, 11 Feb 2025 12:15:00 +0000

Lots of people spout the benefits of routine, but that leaves many parents wondering “are the routines for the kids or for me?”

Routine…

a dirty word to some.

a saving grace for others.

There are those who swear by it and others who think it’s just a parent’s ploy to rob a child of freedom to play and explore on their own terms.

Ultimately, however, research shows that it’s a win win for everyone in the home.

That seems like a big claim, but it is backed up by research and moms around the globe.

“Routines are good. Routines are effective. Routines are adaptive. As a rule of thumb, most parents should use structured routines with their children.

The research about routines is so strong that I feel comfortable breaking this blog’s policy of not providing clinical advice when saying that unless you have specific clinical reasons, most parents of infants and toddlers should use bedtime, mealtime, and other daily routines.” Nestor Lopez-Duran Ph.D.

Before you start thinking a routine would sell your life to the clock master, don’t go down that road. There are many different ways a routine can work.

Whether you do a rhythm (one thing before other), a schedule (using the clock to determine your next activity), or a general routine (combining elements of both) there is something that will work for your family.

Why a routine is good for both mother and kids.

It’s not just that both the mom and the kids carry out the routine, but that’s actually beneficial for both.

1. Everyone has their own time.

Part of why the stay at home mom stereotype is so frazzled is because it assumes we spend the better part of most days spit stained, hair undone, and chasing around toddlers.

Yes, well this is probably true for most of us. But still, routine allows daily space for both yourself and your children. Right now, I get up between 5:00 – 6:00 each morning (yikes, I know!) to work before the kids are up.

I’ve found I like this better than working while they nap because no matter what time I wake up, at 1 p.m. my brain is fried and unproductive.

I feel so much more focused on the kids this way. In between doing things that must be done around the house, I’ll sit with them and watch them play. I’m less stressed and so are they.

Read: Why children should play by themselves daily + How to find time alone in the every day

2. It keeps the peace.

Kids truly are better behaved when they’re in a good routine. It’s undeniable. Knowing what’s up next – even vaguely – helps ease transitions (which are hard for firstborns).

It helps promote “buy in” because they know and own the different parts of the day. It helps their bodies fall asleep and nap better too, which is what you need if you want all your kids to nap at the same time every day.

When we’ve veered from routine, had too many errand days, or are just going with the flow too often, it shows.

I feel impatient and am quick to be angry at the kids. They are whiny and argue with my instructions or run away and try to hide from me. A good routine helps the day go on autopilot.

Family Practices & Contribution

0-5, 13-18, 6-12

Smooth Start Morning Routines

Mornings don’t have to feel like a mad dash of lost shoes, whining, and cold coffee. Here’s a simple, no-nag plan to get kids up, ready, and out the door on time — without the rage.

Start Now

3. Rest is had by all.

Our bodies rest better when we sleep at consistent times each day. A consistent sleep pattern is how your body begins to recognize when it’s time to sleep and when it’s time to wake.

“The timing of your sleep is controlled by something called the circadian body clock located in the depths of your brain. Once your body clock has decided it’s time to rest, it works with other functions in the body to help prepare you for the night of sleep ahead, stopping the various bodily functions associated with being awake. The same goes for when it’s time to wake, where the reverse happens.” (source)

This is how you can have four children (ages 4, 3, 2, and 8 months) and go most nights with no night wakings and most days with quiet sleeping kids from between 1 to 3:30 p.m. or even later!

It’s not because they’re awesome – which of course they are – it’s because their bodies are used to it. Of course some days they “fight” sleep, but it’s not enough to get chronically overtired.

You want a good routine so that:

naps are had by those who need them (including you if you want to learn to power nap)
everyone gets enough sleep to be content during the day
you have a period in the afternoon when you can work/relax/do household tasks
the kids are in bed at a good time each evening

We use these printable routine cards to help the older kids complete bedtime on their own.

4. There is time for “everything.”

Yes, of course everything is relative. I’ve become a lot more balanced in the past year with respect to how much I attempt to get done.

This is a very specific and short season of my life, and I won’t steal my own joy by trying to pretend I don’t have a lot of kids running around.

However, there are things that simply must be done.

Read: A Foolproof Sample Daily Schedule For Toddlers

Routine puts time in for eating, sleeping, chores, and most importantly play. I like hours of free play at a time if we can help it.

This actually helps them to sit still when they need to, and they usually come away from free play wanting to be alone in their own rooms!

Connection & Culture

Setting Your Family Pace

Family life shouldn’t feel like a constant race. This workshop helps you build a balanced, sustainable pace that handles responsibilities while making space for rest, connection, and what really matters.

Start Now

5. Instead of monotony it brings safety.

I know there are certain personality types that prefer spontaneity, fun, and excitement. I get that.

Actually, I don’t get that because I prefer to focus on what needs to be done. Ha.

But either way, it can be hard for some moms to see the point of routine even if they are living with the disadvantages caused by the lack of one.

Research is overwhelmingly in favor of having a daily routine with kids. While it may feel monotonous for you, it’s greatly freeing for the kids because they can live in the present.

They don’t have to worry about when they’ll eat, if they’ll get a nap, or when daddy gets home. They are more secure knowing you meet their needs in an orderly way.

And for moms, having the basics fit into your daily routine means you get done what must be done. You’ll also know where there’s wiggle room, time for extras, and if you can just throw out the whole schedule for a fun day!

A nice routine allows you mental breathing space knowing that things are in order.

How do we establish and maintain routines with young children?

First, choose the routines that you want to start using and start using them consistently. For example, if you have kids that still nap, choose a time for nap time and some things to do leading up to it (reading a book, singing a song, getting in comfy clothes, etc.). Then, start doing it consistently everyday until it naturally happens and choose another routine to implement.

What are some common routines that are helpful with young kids?

Anything can be made into a routine. Some common routines that help your day run smoother could be: breakfast, getting dressed, chores, naps and bedtime, after school, and evening routines.

Can kids really do routines by themselves?

Yes! Kids can learn to do routines by themselves with guidance, practice, and encouragement from parents or caregivers. While very young children may need more assistance and supervision, as they grow and develop, they can gradually become more independent in following routines.

How can I teach my kids to play by themselves?

I recommend starting independent play time for a few minutes everyday and then extending it as they can play by themselves longer. For most kids, having routine independent play helps them to be able to play by themselves during other parts of the day too.

The post Who are routines REALLY for? Kids or Moms? appeared first on Mother U.

Desperate Housewife Syndrome… Signs, Symptoms & Solutions

Rachel Norman — Tue, 04 Feb 2025 12:45:00 +0000

If you fear you’re on the verge of having desperate housewife syndrome, read on for tips and ideas on how to help.

Long before anyone filmed anything on Wisteria Lane, the desperate housewife syndrome was in full bloom.

All over the world, moms are wearing pajamas at 11 am and wondering how the moms around them seem to find time to match their fingernail polish with their outfit.

Outfit? I haven’t had one of those in forever!

When was the last time I wore an “outfit,” anyway?

Do jeans and a T-shirt count as an outfit? I think an outfit probably has to have a cute belt, cute shoes or cute earrings to make the cut.

Well, I do have a cute headband on!

Wait, that’s only to mask the fact I haven’t washed my hair in three days.

I’m going to be real with you, times can get desperate at home. If distance separates your family from you, as does mine, it can be difficult to find stress reduction and relief.

First things first, you need to know that the desperate housewife syndrome can appear out of the blue. Even if you love staying at home with the kids and they are well-behaved and sleeping fine.

Are you tired of saying you’re just a hot mess (on the surface), but actually deeply anxious, fearful, or even depressed? Hopefully this post will help!

Desperate (adj): feeling, showing, or involving a hopeless sense that a situation is so bad as to be impossible to deal with.

Signs and Symptoms of the Desperate Housewife Syndrome:

Pajamas are your mom “uniform.” Leading you to believe you’re just sloppy.
Daily habits have been abandoned. You used to shave, wash your hair, make the bed, tidy the house, etc. The energy to get them done just isn’t there anymore.
You resent watching your husband leave the house each morning and are waiting for him at the door when he gets home.
It’s been hard to find the energy to connect with the kids and often struggle being a present parent.
You feel insecure around working mothers because you don’t feel you have anything to talk about. This may be because you’re behind on current and world events… though you are quite caught up on what’s happening on Facebook.
Your temper arises quickly as you seem to get angry at the drop of a hat.
Every mood or attitude of a family member is blown out of proportion for you. You take their behavior so personally, even though you know it’s silly.

Shed the Desperate Housewife Syndrome with these tips:

I would be lying if I said it was a piece of cake. It’s not easy, but you can do it, mama!

1. Process Your Own Feelings

Evaluate your own thoughts and shed some light on those feelings.

Begin by asking yourself the hard questions…

Am I disappointed because I didn’t think life would be this way?
What is really causing this stress? Is it because money is tight?
Do I have unresolved resentment against my spouse because of household chores or obligations?
Am I insecure because I’ve never gotten back to pre-pregnancy size?

I have learned that knowing why I am feeling a certain way is the first step to channeling my emotions.

If you’re like me, unprocessed feelings coupled with the desperate housewife syndrome will lead to frustrated children and unnecessary arguments with your husband.

The best ways to process your feelings are to…

Admit to yourself that the desperate housewife syndrome is a real thing for you and take small steps to improve each feeling.
Keep an unedited journal where you can emotionally vomit (if you will) and then move on.
Use guided workbooks (like my overwhelm guide printable) to help you learn how to get from where you are (A) to where you want to be (B).
Admit what you are feeling is okay and make small positive changes each day.
Make a pack with yourself to avoid all negative self talk.
Banish The Mommy Guilt. Nobody is perfect so don’t live your day feeling like your drowning under self-inflicted guilt.

Read: The Stay At Home Mom Schedule That’ll Keep You Sane

Motherhood & Wellbeing

13-18, 6-12

Healthy Minds, Happy Homes

Taking care of your mental health shouldn’t feel like another chore. This workshop shows you how to build simple, sustainable routines that support your well-being and your kid’s emotional health—without the stress or overthinking.

Start Now

It’s easy to fall into the comparison trap when you’re in the mindset of the desperate housewife syndrome.

Facebook, Instagram, Pinterest, Snapchat, Tik-Tok, and other social media platforms make it easy to keep in touch with people- so we tell ourselves.

With the rise of social media and smartphones, I have found that I needed to be more careful with what I spend my time viewing.

It’s so easy to get trapped into scrolling through my friend’s feed. Before I knew it… I was “admiring” their new house, designer living rooms, or amazing baking skills. What I was really doing was building jealousy and self doubt within me. Ahhh!

Once a person falls into the comparison trap it’s so easy to question everything about yourself.

She doesn’t look like she’s aged at all. Why don’t I always look that cute?
Wow, their girls are happy in their homemade pillow dresses. Does that mean I’m a bad mommy because my kid’s just wear store bought clothes?
Look at the trip they are on! Am I giving my kids enough experiences? Am I a failure?

The reality is, people post about the TOP 3% of their life and we compare it with the BOTTOM 3% of ours. This comparison will leave us feeling inadequate.

As a mother with desperate housewife syndrome, your time can be spent in so many better ways!

Instead of admiring someone else’s life, begin to mind what matters in yours. You can begin by starting a fun hobby. Here are 60+ hobbies that are inexpensive and help you get out of your own head.

3. Dress Purposefully

Wearing yoga pants isn’t necessarily a bad thing, if you planned it!. Read: the pros and cons to yoga pants.

After a few of my pregnancies, I’ve gone to Wal-Mart or a local discount store like Ross or Bealls, and bought comfortable workout gear to wear around the house.

It wasn’t fancy, but it matched… and it was purposeful.

The point was, it was better than my grungy 10 year old University of Florida T-shirts.

Read: 5 Things Emotionally Exhausted Mothers Need to Remember

Here are some ways to dress purposefully:

Get rid of worn out daggy clothes (get postpartum clothes if you need to).
Pick out clothes the night before, it may be the difference between still wearing pj’s at noon.
Buy realistic “home clothes” you can wear that are comfortable but still help you feel like you got dressed.

If you’re like me, you’ll feel better about your day just knowing that you’ve already made a purposeful decision, to look your best!

4. Create Systems in Your Home that Work for YOU

It’s not about keeping a showroom home! One sure way to cause stress and anxiety is to try to keep you home up to someone else’s expectations.

A key to avoid the desperate housewife syndrome is to create organizational systems- that bring you peace within your own home.

If you feel like you aren’t able to function in your own home, it’s time to make some adjustments. The reality is, if you don’t have organizational systems working in you home, it’s going to feel chaotic.

When my home is messy and unorganized, I feel like a failure. Here’s the key – you’ve got to identify what triggers your stress and assign a system of organization that will work for you.

Why is this important? It’s simple…feeling like a failure is a catalyst in deciding if you’re going to have the desperate housewife syndrome.

Don’t:

Ignore the mess and try to make myself yourself not care for the next 18 years.
Give up your need for cleanliness because your kid’s continually make messes or fall into the trap that kid’s don’t know how to clean.
Make excuses about time because the kids have ran you wild.

Do:

Start organizing chores that everybody can work with.
Instruct your kid’s on your standard of cleanliness and hold them accountable to it.
Assign yourself uninterrupted Quiet Time.

Remember, creating organizational systems that work in your home is about personalizing them to meet your needs and being consistent.

Motherhood & Wellbeing

Weary To Well

This 10-day reset will help you uncover what’s wearing you down (spoiler: it’s not just lack of sleep), set boundaries without guilt, and finally create space to breathe again. Because burnout isn’t your personality—it’s a signal things need to change.

Start Now

5. Feed Your Identity

Mothers lose their identities because they are focused on meeting everyone else’s needs, and neglect to meet their own.

Let’s be honest, this is unavoidable and part of the wonderful job that we’ve been given. Just remember… it’s only for a season!

As mothers, we can’t let loosing our self identity become a permanent fixture of our life. If our self identity is lost completly, we will eventually dry up.

How to find your identity again?

Think about the things that you are gifted at and find a way to use them (even at home).
Journal your thoughts, feelings, desires, dreams, and read books that relate.
Listen to music you love, watch movies you enjoy, and read information about things that feel “you.”
Read your Bible, pray, and think about things outside of child rearing.
Make the most of interactions with others outside your home. This will help keep you grounded and focused on the big picture.

And, always remember why it’s important to stay true to ourselves…

Motherhood isn’t our identity.

Out of our identity we mother.

Sources:

How can I make time for myself when my kids need me all the time?

Reframe what “me time” means – It doesn’t have to be hours alone—small pockets of time count! Even 5-10 minutes of intentional time for yourself can recharge you. Wake up 15 minutes earlier, use nap time, start independent play time, and teach your kids to be independent (even if it’s for 20 minutes at a time).

What are small ways to reconnect with myself when I feel lost?

Start with 5 minutes a day: Journal a few thoughts, sit in silence with your coffee or tea, take a deep breath and check in with how you feel. Revisit what you used to love and find ways to start doing more of that, even if it’s in small ways, and say yes to doing one thing a week that’s just for you (grabbing a coffee, going to dinner with a friend, 30 minutes of uninterrupted you time…)

The post Desperate Housewife Syndrome… Signs, Symptoms & Solutions appeared first on Mother U.

Babies 13 Months Apart? Here’s How to Survive…

Rachel Norman — Tue, 04 Feb 2025 12:35:00 +0000

Inside: Are you having babies close together and a bit worried about how it’ll all pan out? Well, you should be. I’m just kidding… here’s some encouragement coming your way

When my son was born my daughter was 12 months and 3 weeks old.

She couldn’t even walk.

When I brought my baby boy home from the hospital and my daughter was still crawling around… it might have gone through my mind a time or two that I was nuts.

I might have wondered if we’d all survive the newborn phase, but alas we did. In fact, we did it a few times more as well. It isn’t easy, but you can do it.

Read: The Ultimate Guide To Surviving Irish Twins In The Early Years

How to Handle Babies 13 Months Apart

My kids were born barely 13 months apart and we were just fine. Yes this is true. It was insane but amazing and you can survive it with flair.

Sort Out the Basics with Older Baby

One of the most important things to do when bringing home a baby so close in age to another is having a good routine for your older child.

The older child should know the ins and outs of their routine (and even be able to do it themselves as they age) so they still feel safe and secure with a new addition.

It can be tempting to give both kids the same routine, but your older child will want and need a bit more attention and less sleep than the younger.

If you need help with crafting a routine, I’ve put together 25+ including toddler and baby routines here. Essentially, get your older child on a good routine with napping and independent play.

And learn the art of corralling. Then, teach your toddler to follow routine without nagging.

Family Practices & Contribution

0-5, 13-18, 6-12

Smooth Start Morning Routines

Mornings don’t have to feel like a mad dash of lost shoes, whining, and cold coffee. Here’s a simple, no-nag plan to get kids up, ready, and out the door on time — without the rage.

Start Now

Determine Your Feeding Plan

If you are nursing both, get organized about it. If you’re pregnant now and planning to wean the older baby before the new baby is born, try to do it with a few weeks to spare so the older baby doesn’t think they got vacated for a new tenant.

I tried to have my older one napping, in independent play, or otherwise occupied when I fed the new baby so I could have time alone with both and less distraction (here’s how to feed a baby with a toddler around).

Having babies close together in age means you need to start out how you can hold out. If you don’t want to have to nurse your new baby to sleep 15 times a day and night, then don’t start it.

It’s a lot easier to start habits in the direction you want to go than to break ones you don’t like.

Become Home-Centric For a Time

One of the biggest lifestyle changes to happen when you have a few young kids is this: sometimes it’s just not worth it to leave the house.

Yes, okay, when you’re feeling like a desperate housewife it’s okay to go run errands or do what you need to do. But running errands with a baby (and a toddler) isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.

Just resign yourself to the fact that, in some seasons of life, it’s okay to look different. It’s okay to wear mostly yoga pants and not do things as you used to. It’s a season, it will pass.

To maintain sanity with little ones very close together in age you need to – at least for a short while – batten down the hatches and get into a good routine.

Family Practices & Contribution

0-5, 13-18, 6-12

Sticky Routines System

Giving you a step-by-step guide to overcome barriers and stick to the healthy routines you’ve committed to. Learn the mindsets and secrets disciplined moms use to run a tight ship (think, mornings, chores, homework, bedtime, self-care, etc.)

Start Now

Related Reads:

Take Life With a Grain of Salt

As a mother of 5 kids ages 5, 4, 3, 2 and 6 months… I want to leave you with the one way to keep your sanity and love being a mom… have a sense of humor.

Honestly, even people who look like they have it all together don’t have it all together. Your kids are going to flail and throw all manner of big emotions at you.

They’ll embarrass you in public and they’ll instinctively refuse to do what you say. You’ll give them a million cuddles because it’s good for their brains and for you, and you’ll also make them angry. These things happen in life.

Read: Toddler Behavior Stressing You Out? Reset With These Simple Tips

Create a Good Routine

If you don’t have a good routine with kids this young in age, life will be tough. You need a baby and toddler combo routine (get some here) that meets both of their needs and your own.

This may mean putting them down to nap at the same time, having wake up times that are nearly the same, and simply doing the same things at the same time.

You can figure out how to occupy your toddler while feeding the baby and then go from there.

Babies 13 months apart isn’t the easiest thing in the world, but it’s fun.

It’s not without its challenges…

It’s not a walk in the park.

But it’s one of the best things you’ll ever do… and boy what bragging rights!

How can I prepare my 13-month-old for a new sibling when they’re still so little?

Even though they may not understand everything, talk about the baby often: “There’s a baby in Mommy’s belly! Soon, you’ll have a little brother or sister!” Read books about new siblings, practice taking care of a baby doll or stuffed animal, and be prepared to let them help in small ways, like throwing away diapers or singing to the baby.

Is it normal to feel overwhelmed parenting two under two?

Yes! It is completely normal to feel overwhelmed when parenting two under two. Having two little ones with big needs (and little independence) can be exhausting—physically, mentally, and emotionally.

The post Babies 13 Months Apart? Here’s How to Survive… appeared first on Mother U.

Avoiding conflict: brushing things under the rug makes a mountain

Rachel Norman — Tue, 04 Feb 2025 12:20:00 +0000

If you are prone to ignoring situations in hopes they’ll go away, here are my thoughts on why brushing things under the rug doesn’t help, but hurts.

When you hear the word conflict, what do you think? Do you think of fighting, dissension, and drama? Or is it a neutral word? A normal part of life?

“Peace is not absence of conflict, it is the ability to handle conflict by peaceful means.” Ronald Reagan

Some people avoid conflict like the plague and others seem to enjoy it. If I’m honest, I’m probably the latter. Not that I think, “Oh yeah, baby, I’m getting in a fight today…” but I don’t feel threatened by a serious conversation, a scuffle, or a come to Jesus meeting.

And resolution of conflict is more important to me than the appearance of peace.

I like to write about mental and emotional health, and the ability to resolve conflict instead of ignoring it is a very valuable skill our children need to learn. But unfortunately (or perhaps fortunately) they can’t learn it from us if we don’t do it.

Here are some concepts I believe we should all practice and we should teach our children!

1. Keep short accounts

We need to keep short accounts with those we are in relationship with. What does that mean? Basically, we should resolve issues as they come instead of letting a debt rack up. You deal with situations as they arise instead of logging them all in a black book that you pull out later to use as evidence against someone. If there’s an argument, fight or issue, deal with it then.

In college I had a theory about why so many people broke up and one person moved on within weeks. My theory was that one individual was keeping a long account and had, little by little unbeknownst to the other party, been getting over them for a long time. When there was finally a straw that broke the camel’s back (or a drop that overflowed the bowl, as they say in Italian) the long account keeper was out of there with no regrets. The other party wanted to work it out but there was no chance. Why? Long accounts.

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2. Banish “get over it” from your vocab

One surefire way to cause others around you to brush things under the rug is to forbid them from sharing how they feel. Now, this doesn’t mean everyone can spout out their venom and infect the whole household anytime they have a grievance. But it does mean they are allowed to share their feelings. They can explain their emotions. They can vent in a healthy way.

Probably more importantly, stop telling yourself to get over it. Now, it’s important we don’t cross over into self-pity because that’s unhealthy for everyone. But if you have an ongoing issue with someone you are in constant contact with (spouse, relative, co-worker) then saying “Oh I just need to get over it” will (a) not work, (2) only harm yourself, and (d) encourage others to ignore your feelings.

3. Pretending is not resolving

My husband and I had to figure out this stuff when we got married. He wanted to go to bed and pretend nothing ever happened. I wanted to fist fight until there was a winner. Unless I was the loser. Then I wanted to keep fist fighting until I won.

Sometimes situations arise that clearly need resolution. Or at the least, a heartfelt conversation. Of course it’s possible to just act like it never happened, but that is not reality and it doesn’t work. Painful things don’t go away because you ignore them. If they did, dentists would go out of business. Negative situations cause negative emotions. Seeds of doubt. Roots of bitterness. New and deep fears take hold. It is important – vital really – to everyone’s emotional health to work it out and not brush it under the rug.

4. Emotional health breeds self-confidence

If your child is scared of healthy conflict then they will be insecure on a regular basis as they grow up and go off into the world. Teachers won’t always like their papers. Friends will be jerks. Bosses will ask challenging questions and professors will give constructive (but not always) criticism. We don’t want to raise children who are afraid of conflict!

There will always be conflict, and teaching children to solve conflict and issues in healthy ways will put them at an advantage as they go through life. Their relationships will be healthier and they’ll be more self-confident because they believe in their ability to get through. They aren’t threatened if one person doesn’t like them. They know they are up to challenges.

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If Mama Ain’t Happy: Boundaries For Moms

Boundaries aren’t harsh or selfish. They protect your energy, peace, and sanity so you can show up as the mom you want to be. This workshop helps you figure out where you need them, set them with confidence, and stick to them without guilt or burnout. Because when you hold your limits, everyone benefits.

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5. It fills up the emotional basement

I’ve written about it before and will again. Having a full emotional basement (or stuffing all your feelings regularly) will only result in an emotional overload for you. If children or adults don’t feel they are able to express their feelings, they’ll bottle them up. Bottle them up for too long and they explode. Avoiding conflict and brushing things under the rug does not mean they’ll go away. It just means they’ll come back later, but with firepower behind them.

Next time a negative situation or issue arises and you’re tempted to brush it under the rug, stop.

Don’t brush it under the rug where it’s still there, but just hidden.

Brush it into the trash and then take the trash out.

How do I explain to my child that conflict is normal and not always bad?

Say something like: “Everyone disagrees sometimes—at home, at school, even adults at work. It’s a normal part of life. When we talk through problems instead of avoiding them, we learn how to work together and solve things in a fair way.”

How can I help my child stay calm during a disagreement?

Teach the pause rule: Encourage your child to take a deep breath before responding when they feel upset. You can say: “Before you react, take a deep breath and count to three. This gives your brain time to think before you speak.” Let them see you handling conflict calmly:
“I’m feeling frustrated, so I’m going to take a deep breath before I respond.

The post Avoiding conflict: brushing things under the rug makes a mountain appeared first on Mother U.

When most days look the same, a change is as good as a vacation

Rachel Norman — Wed, 22 Jan 2025 12:45:00 +0000

Coming from the person who thinks that routine brings sanity and that it’s necessary to keep a good routine when you are raising multiple children, this post may seem out a little of character. A few months ago we were speaking with a teacher friend discussing his plans for the break. He said that while he didn’t have big vacation plans, essentially “a change is as good as a vacation.” I couldn’t agree more.

With four small children, I often feel that I never leave the house. Sure, we go to church, visiting, and around and about, but largely we stay at home. Honestly, it just isn’t worth dragging all of them somewhere and taking 45 minutes to get them out of their car seats, into the buggies/strollers for 20 minutes of action. Plus, it’s hard to find a time when the baby isn’t feeding or eating baby food, and my toddlers don’t exactly want to sit still for 30 minutes in public while that happens.

Having said that, enough is enough. Even if I craft my home to be welcoming and lovely, I get sick of looking at it. I feel the need to put on “real” clothes and maybe even makeup. Gasp. I decide to stuff the routine and go have some fun and excitement with the kids. It’s why we try to get relaxed with our summer schedule for kids.

Here’s why I think a change is as good as a vacation.

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1. Routine enables fun spontaneity.

It may sound counter intuitive, but routines actually provide the security and stability that allow children to put their best feet forward. If kids are well-rested and well-fed then they’re better equipped to handle crowds of people, over stimulation and new and exciting places. By staying on routine most of the time, you set yourselves up for success when you decide to deviate for a good time.

2. Kids need a change of scenery.

I’ve found that my children need a change of scenery. This can be done in the home if I organize various activities or if we move to separate rooms frequently throughout the day. If we remain in the living room all morning, say on a rainy day, and then go straight to nap time they don’t feel tired. I’ll often pick a day when they’re well-rested and happy and stuff the morning routine entirely by going out and doing something fun. They have a great time exploring and learning and are usually ready to hit the sack by nap time.

Read: A Foolproof Sample Daily Schedule For Toddlers

3. You need to be refreshed to be positive and patient.

I used to believe I was completely extroverted, but now I believe I’m equal parts introvert and extrovert. I don’t mind being alone and can do so for long periods of time, but I do greatly enjoy social interaction. Often when the kids are being naughty and acting bored I will load us up and go somewhere. Even if it’s not for long, even if it feels like a big hassle, we’ll just go. Being out of the house, seeing other people, eating a treat or just escaping the norm helps refresh me. When I’m refreshed I’m a happier and more patient parent.

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4. Disruptions are good training tools.

While we can be careful to craft a good routine at home – and I think we should do this – disruptions also provide good opportunities. Having to wait an extra half hour at a restaurant will help teach your children patience and self-control. Skipping a nap for a family or friend’s event will help them learn to maintain good behavior even when they are tired. If we stayed at home every single day and skipped every event that disrupted the schedule our children would whiz past childhood with only memories within our four walls and surrounding yards.

5. Tweak your routine.

If you start to feel bored with your routine then now’s a good time to tweak it. Find parts of the day that are tedious and change it up. Swap independent play time for free time or outside time. When you feel that the day just passes in a ho hum blur, that’s a good time to start changing things so that you’ll have something different to look forward to.

Sometimes a change is going out for breakfast instead of eating in. Sometimes a change is eating dinner by the poolside instead of at the dining room table. Sometimes a change is going to the zoo all day or going to a friend’s house for an impromptu play date. While a morning in the park is not the equivalent of a week in Fiji…sometimes a change is as good as a vacation.

What are some simple ways to make the day feel different without overhauling everything?

You can change your routine just by staying home – bring out some extra fun toys or games, decide to bake something yummy together, watch a movie together, go for a long walk to the park, bring out the craft supplies, etc. Sometimes spontaneity can be simple and changes the mood for everyone.

How does variety benefit my child’s development or creativity?

Change in routines helps to teach our kids to be flexible – but it also teaches them that life can be exciting, fun, and spontaneous. If you have a “fun day” thrown into the mix every now and then you will see the benefits for a few days after, even when you return to your regularly scheduled programming

The post When most days look the same, a change is as good as a vacation appeared first on Mother U.

Mother U

List of Chores For 4 and 5 Year Olds: (That They Can Do On Their Own!)

Chores for 4 and 5 Year Olds: Age-Appropriate Tasks They Can Actually Do On Their Own

How To Get Kids To Do Chores

Why Chores Matter More Than You Think

Master Your Mom Voice

My Favorite Chores for 4 Year Olds

Put Away Toys

Sort Laundry

Put Dirty Clothes in the Hamper

Feeding Pets

Water Outdoor Flowers

Help Carry Light Groceries

What Changes Between Age 4 and Age 5 When It Comes to Chores? {#what-changes-between-ages}

The Chores I’d Do with 5 Year Olds

Make Their Bed

Clear Their Plate After Meals

Fold Washcloths and Small Towels

Empty Small Trash Cans

Help Unload the Dishwasher

How to Get Preschoolers to Actually Help

Start Small

Work Alongside Them

Build It Into the Routine

Expect Progress, Not Perfection

Make It Feel Like Family Life, Not a Job

What Is the Real Goal of Giving Young Kids Chores? {#real-goal-of-chores}

Beyond Outside Activity Ideas: How to Get Kids to Play Outside More Often (and Stay Outside Longer)

Outside Activity Ideas That Actually Work (and Keep Kids Busy Longer)

Why Outside Changes the Way Kids Play

Outside Activity Ideas That Actually Hold Their Attention

Chalk on the Driveway

Water Play

Nature Scavenger Hunt

Ride-On Toys

Loose Parts Play and Why It Works Outside

Keep a Simple Outdoor Bin

How Do You Get Kids Outside Without the Pushback? {#how-do-you-get-kids-outside-without-the-pushback}

Skip the Question

Make It Part of Your Routine

How to Help Kids Stay Outside Longer

Tips for Creating Household Rules

How to Create Household Rules That Actually Work for Your Family

Why Do Household Rules Matter for Kids?

How Do You Create Effective Household Rules?

1. Start With Your Family Values

2. Identify Where You Need More Structure

3. Make Household Rules Clear and Specific

4. Avoid Empty Threats

5. Keep Rules Positive When You Can

6. Remember That Rules Will Change as Your Children Grow

Examples of Common Household Rules

How We Treat Each Other

Taking Care of Our Home

Safety Rules

Everyday Routines and Expectations

How Do You Communicate Household Rules to Your Children?

How Do You Create Simple Household Rules That Work for Your Family?

Chore Barriers… These 6 Things Make Kids Resist Chores

50+ Life Skills (By Age!)

You don’t ask your kids to do chores OFTEN enough

Nothing happens if kids refuse to do chores.

Not having the right tools.

50+ Life Skills (By Age!)

There’s no carrot to doing the chores.

It’s gotten too overwhelming and it’s too much.

Chores should be routine.

Quiet Time (Rest Time) for Toddlers: All You Need to Know

Let’s Define Quiet Time for Toddlers

Routines To Cut Through The Crazy

Routines To Cut Through The Crazy

What does a quiet (rest) time routine look like?

What does it not look like?

What the the benefits to a toddler’s quiet time?

How to Ease Them Into It If They’re Resistant

I have found these tips to be extremely successful in easing a child into a peaceful quiet time:

Here are some tips for making quiet time safe:

Keep the Peace

Master Your Mom Voice

Routines To Cut Through The Crazy