If you’ve got little ones making messes, then you need little ones picking those messes up.

Sure, you may have some kids who:

• escape to the bathroom during chores
• whine and fuss and avoid the work
• start serious power struggles

But the good news is this: if you eliminate a lot of the barriers I mention in this video and in this post, your kids will get on their way to being chore machines.

50+ Life Skills (By Age!)

Check off critical household, social, and hygiene skills for your child so they’re prepared (not petrified) of growing up!

You don’t ask your kids to do chores OFTEN enough

If it’s only random or occasional requests to do chores, they won’t get used to them.

When kids feel it’s Out Of The Blue and not that often, it feels like a big imposition. Kids will feel like chores are YOUR job and that you’re “asking them for help.”

• ask regularly (daily, weekly at a minimum).
• don’t phrase it like a question, it’s not a choice.
• let them get to the point of Chore Saturation so they just get on with it.

Nothing happens if kids refuse to do chores.

If nothing happens when kids refuse… they’ll continue to refuse.

Chores are non-negotiable and the kids don’t get to choose. Now, they may choose when or how, but if you are requiring them to help out then that’s that.

It may be something like “chores and then screen time.” Which also means “no chores = no screen time.”

Think through what will be the consequence and attach it to the rule. This will prevent you from trying to think of a lot of random consequences any time you meet resistance.

Not having the right tools.

If you want chores to be painless for the kids, make sure you have everything you need within reach.

• nontoxic cleaning products
• mops, brooms, stools, etc.
• cleaning caddies
• things put where kids can reach

Organizing your cleaning supplies and making sure kids feel empowered and knowledgeable about how to use them go a long way. Kids will get familiar with the tools. They’ll know which products do what.

And this will help them take ownership.

50+ Life Skills (By Age!)

Check off critical household, social, and hygiene skills for your child so they’re prepared (not petrified) of growing up!

There’s no carrot to doing the chores.

Our kids’ days need to be organized for cooperation.

This means you don’t let them do Super Fun things they don’t want to stop BEFORE their jobs.

For example.

You wouldn’t let a child play on a device before they’ve done their chores. Screens should always be given AFTER responsibilities are taken care of.

• order work before play
• choose a time to do chores before something fun (like snacks or meals)
• having a regular time of tidy routines or doing a sweep before going somewhere fun so they are motivated.

Read These While You’re At It

4 Reasons It’s Hard for Moms To Teach Their Kids To CleanA Doable Weekly Cleaning Schedule For Busy MomsBig List of Chores 2 & 3 Year-Olds Can Do On Their OwnDaily Chores for Kids that Help Prepare Them for LifeHow Moms Can Work Themselves Out of Their Chores (a Step-by-Step Guide)

It’s gotten too overwhelming and it’s too much.

If your child’s room is too messy to even start, that will make it seem insurmountable to your child.

Avoid overwhelm by staying on top of things regularly.

• do daily tidying routines along with your child
• institute an evening sweep
• have kids clean up after independent play daily
• do one thing before another (aka clean up before fun stuff)

Chores should be routine.

Chores should be a routine part of family life for your kids. The more often you do it, the less resistance they will have.

You can do this, mama!

The post Chore Barriers… These 6 Things Make Kids Resist Chores appeared first on Mother U.

The concept of quiet time or rest time for little ones comes up for most moms when their their toddler/preschooler is dropping their afternoon nap.

You’ve enjoyed hours of afternoon reprieve for some alone time. Or maybe you used that time to work or get chores done and now… your little one is on a nap strike.

Or more accurately… they’ve grown out of the need for a nap. But still need some quiet time of rest.

Don’t go from afternoon naps to full on busy days without keeping that space for quiet rest. So let’s get into what rest time for toddlers looks like.

Let’s Define Quiet Time for Toddlers

Routines To Cut Through The Crazy

Get my cheat sheets and find your family’s groove. Chore, independent play, meal, nap, bedtime, and MORE routine ideas!

What does a quiet (rest) time routine look like?

In our home rest time began at the same time the afternoon nap did. 1 p.m. The child goes into their crib (with toys) or their room (with safe toys) or wherever makes most sense for your child.

And they play there quietly for the duration of the time you have chosen. When your child gets into the groove you’ll soon start to see them loving this time.

This will typically replace independent play time.

What does it not look like?

• Screen time (this is totally separate to rest time)
• 5 or 10 minutes of solitary play here or there throughout the day
• Shoving your child in their room for long periods randomly to get a break

So…how do we get our toddlers to a place where they enjoy quiet time? Don’t worry, I’m going to talk about that! But first…

What the the benefits to a toddler’s quiet time?

One of the best benefits to a toddler’s quiet time is you get to see their true little personalities shine.

I remember listening in and cracking up while one of my son’s made up stories based on the pictures in a book he was “reading.” He couldn’t read, but he could sure make up a funny story. It was priceless!

But really… here are some benefits:

• Toddler’s gain independence,
• learn to love creativity,
• rest their minds to prevent over-stimulation,
• grow in fine motor skills,
• raise self-awareness,
• begin to self manage time,
• build confidence,
• give you a break from then during the day, and
• learn to appreciate things such as organization and a tidy room (as you’ll have them tidy up after rest time)

How to Ease Them Into It If They’re Resistant

Nothing is fun when you’re in full fledge meltdown.

When you’re toddler is over-tired or over-stressed, introducing a quiet time might feel like a “time out.” This is clearly NOT what we’re going for here.

Let me say that again… quiet time is not punishment.

On the contrary, it is a time to enjoy. It can become a person’s favorite time of the day.

I have found these tips to be extremely successful in easing a child into a peaceful quiet time:

1. Pick a time during the day that is low impact. In other words, nothing important is going on that they are going to “miss.” This is why the former nap time is good, they’re used to it.
2. Have some toys, books, etc. specifically chosen for their “quiet time.” Organize them to build interest. Nothing that’ll make too much of a mess, be dangerous in any way, or that will cause frustration. Choose imagination toys, if possible.
3. Reassure them that you’re not going anywhere and don’t sneak around.
4. Remember to tell them what you want them to do, not what you don’t want them to do. In other words, tell them to stay and play quietly. Don’t say: “stop getting up and running in here to me.”
5. Take small steps. The first week may only be 15 to 20 minutes of quiet play.
6. Stick with it. It’s a valuable skill that you are teaching them. These lessons are not going to be learned overnight, but it’s worth it.

Here are some tips for making quiet time safe:

• Especially if you have a young toddler giving up their nap, start their rest time in their crib with some toys you choose.
• Have specific quiet time toys (bigger blocks, dolls with no small pieces, etc.).
• Remove any dangerous objects such as things they can pull down on themselves or choke on. Bolt furniture to walls or use straps to prevent from falling (in case they are climbers).
• Use baby monitors if you’re out of eye shot.

Keep the Peace

Having a healthy quiet time each day is beneficial for many reasons… as we discussed earlier. I see it as a soft spot during the day for relaxing and decompressing.

You want to make this time peaceful for your little one. Often your little one will fall asleep while playing. If they do this towards the end of rest time, let them nap a bit and then wake them up. If they start their nap late and sleep late, bedtime will be hairy.

Some kids may like some softly playing music as background noise. One of my little ones does well with a Sound Machine. I think this is mainly to block out any sounds (outside of his room) that may be a distraction to him.

Routines To Cut Through The Crazy

Get my cheat sheets and find your family’s groove. Chore, independent play, meal, nap, bedtime, and MORE routine ideas!

Quiet Time For Kids Of All Ages

Now that my children are a bit older and afternoon quiet or rest time isn’t baked into their day, we have it before bed. About 45 minutes prior to kisses, cuddles, and lights out, my kids will go to their rooms with some books.

Picture books if they’re not reading, or any type of book they’re interested in if they are.

When I started this I made it super enticing. I propped them up on comfy pillows, stuffed animals on both sides, turned on their light music and covered them with their comforter or soft blankets.

Even now, sometimes the kids fall asleep before I come back to kiss them good night. This prevents the Before Bedtime Second Wind and also is just generally a great wind down practice.

::

The post Quiet Time (Rest Time) for Toddlers: All You Need to Know appeared first on Mother U.

Routine…

a dirty word to some.

a saving grace for others.

There are those who swear by it and others who think it’s just a parent’s ploy to rob a child of freedom to play and explore on their own terms.

Ultimately, however, research shows that it’s a win win for everyone in the home.

That seems like a big claim, but it is backed up by research and moms around the globe.

“Routines are good. Routines are effective. Routines are adaptive. As a rule of thumb, most parents should use structured routines with their children.

The research about routines is so strong that I feel comfortable breaking this blog’s policy of not providing clinical advice when saying that unless you have specific clinical reasons, most parents of infants and toddlers should use bedtime, mealtime, and other daily routines.” Nestor Lopez-Duran Ph.D.

Before you start thinking a routine would sell your life to the clock master, don’t go down that road. There are many different ways a routine can work.

Whether you do a rhythm (one thing before other), a schedule (using the clock to determine your next activity), or a general routine (combining elements of both) there is something that will work for your family.

Why a routine is good for both mother and kids. 

It’s not just that both the mom and the kids carry out the routine, but that’s actually beneficial for both.

1. Everyone has their own time. 

Part of why the stay at home mom stereotype is so frazzled is because it assumes we spend the better part of most days spit stained, hair undone, and chasing around toddlers.

Yes, well this is probably true for most of us. But still, routine allows daily space for both yourself and your children. Right now, I get up between 5:00 – 6:00 each morning (yikes, I know!) to work before the kids are up.

I’ve found I like this better than working while they nap because no matter what time I wake up, at 1 p.m. my brain is fried and unproductive.

I feel so much more focused on the kids this way. In between doing things that must be done around the house, I’ll sit with them and watch them play. I’m less stressed and so are they.

Read: Why children should play by themselves daily + How to find time alone in the every day

Routines To Cut Through The Crazy

Get my cheat sheets and find your family’s groove. Chore, independent play, meal, nap, bedtime, and MORE routine ideas!

2. It keeps the peace. 

Kids truly are better behaved when they’re in a good routine. It’s undeniable. Knowing what’s up next – even vaguely – helps ease transitions (which are hard for firstborns).

It helps promote “buy in” because they know and own the different parts of the day. It helps their bodies fall asleep and nap better too, which is what you need if you want all your kids to nap at the same time every day.

When we’ve veered from routine, had too many errand days, or are just going with the flow too often, it shows.

I feel impatient and am quick to be angry at the kids. They are whiny and argue with my instructions or run away and try to hide from me. A good routine helps the day go on autopilot.

Family Practices & Contribution

0-5, 13-18, 6-12

Smooth Start Morning Routines

Mornings don’t have to feel like a mad dash of lost shoes, whining, and cold coffee. Here’s a simple, no-nag plan to get kids up, ready, and out the door on time — without the rage.

Start Now

3. Rest is had by all.

Our bodies rest better when we sleep at consistent times each day. A consistent sleep pattern is how your body begins to recognize when it’s time to sleep and when it’s time to wake.

“The timing of your sleep is controlled by something called the circadian body clock located in the depths of your brain. Once your body clock has decided it’s time to rest, it works with other functions in the body to help prepare you for the night of sleep ahead, stopping the various bodily functions associated with being awake. The same goes for when it’s time to wake, where the reverse happens.” (source)

This is how you can have four children (ages 4, 3, 2, and 8 months) and go most nights with no night wakings and most days with quiet sleeping kids from between 1 to 3:30 p.m. or even later!

It’s not because they’re awesome – which of course they are – it’s because their bodies are used to it. Of course some days they “fight” sleep, but it’s not enough to get chronically overtired.

You want a good routine so that:

• naps are had by those who need them (including you if you want to learn to power nap)
• everyone gets enough sleep to be content during the day
• you have a period in the afternoon when you can work/relax/do household tasks
• the kids are in bed at a good time each evening

Routines To Cut Through The Crazy

Get my cheat sheets and find your family’s groove. Chore, independent play, meal, nap, bedtime, and MORE routine ideas!

4. There is time for “everything.”

Yes, of course everything is relative. I’ve become a lot more balanced in the past year with respect to how much I attempt to get done.

This is a very specific and short season of my life, and I won’t steal my own joy by trying to pretend I don’t have a lot of kids running around.

However, there are things that simply must be done.

Read: A Foolproof Sample Daily Schedule For Toddlers

Routine puts time in for eating, sleeping, chores, and most importantly play. I like hours of free play at a time if we can help it.

This actually helps them to sit still when they need to, and they usually come away from free play wanting to be alone in their own rooms!

Connection & Culture

Setting Your Family Pace

Family life shouldn’t feel like a constant race. This workshop helps you build a balanced, sustainable pace that handles responsibilities while making space for rest, connection, and what really matters.

Start Now

5. Instead of monotony it brings safety. 

I know there are certain personality types that prefer spontaneity, fun, and excitement. I get that.

Actually, I don’t get that because I prefer to focus on what needs to be done. Ha.

But either way, it can be hard for some moms to see the point of routine even if they are living with the disadvantages caused by the lack of one.

Research is overwhelmingly in favor of having a daily routine with kids. While it may feel monotonous for you, it’s greatly freeing for the kids because they can live in the present.

Routines To Cut Through The Crazy

Get my cheat sheets and find your family’s groove. Chore, independent play, meal, nap, bedtime, and MORE routine ideas!

They don’t have to worry about when they’ll eat, if they’ll get a nap, or when daddy gets home. They are more secure knowing you meet their needs in an orderly way.

And for moms, having the basics fit into your daily routine means you get done what must be done. You’ll also know where there’s wiggle room, time for extras, and if you can just throw out the whole schedule for a fun day!

A nice routine allows you mental breathing space knowing that things are in order.

::

The post Who are routines REALLY for? Kids or Moms? appeared first on Mother U.

Long before anyone filmed anything on Wisteria Lane, the desperate housewife syndrome was in full bloom.

All over the world, moms are wearing pajamas at 11 am and wondering how the moms around them seem to find time to match their fingernail polish with their outfit.

Outfit? I haven’t had one of those in forever!

When was the last time I wore an “outfit,” anyway?

Do jeans and a T-shirt count as an outfit? I think an outfit probably has to have a cute belt, cute shoes or cute earrings to make the cut.

Well, I do have a cute headband on!

Wait, that’s only to mask the fact I haven’t washed my hair in three days.

First things first, you need to know that the desperate housewife syndrome can appear out of the blue. Even if you love staying at home with the kids and they are well-behaved and sleeping fine.

Are you tired of saying you’re just a hot mess (on the surface), but actually deeply anxious, fearful, or even depressed? Hopefully this post will help!

Desperate (adj): feeling, showing, or involving a hopeless sense that a situation is so bad as to be impossible to deal with.

Signs and Symptoms of the Desperate Housewife Syndrome:

1. Pajamas are your mom “uniform.” Leading you to believe you’re just sloppy.
2. Daily habits have been abandoned. You used to shave, wash your hair, make the bed, tidy the house, etc. The energy to get them done just isn’t there anymore.
3. You resent watching your husband leave the house each morning and are waiting for him at the door when he gets home.
4. It’s been hard to find the energy to connect with the kids and often struggle being a present parent.
5. You feel insecure around working mothers because you don’t feel you have anything to talk about. This may be because you’re behind on current and world events… though you are quite caught up on what’s happening on Facebook.
6. Your temper arises quickly as you seem to get angry at the drop of a hat.
7. Every mood or attitude of a family member is blown out of proportion for you. You take their behavior so personally, even though you know it’s silly.

Shed the Desperate Housewife Syndrome with these tips:

I would be lying if I said it was a piece of cake. It’s not easy, but you can do it, mama!

1. Process Your Own Feelings

Evaluate your own thoughts and shed some light on those feelings.

Begin by asking yourself the hard questions…

• Am I disappointed because I didn’t think life would be this way?
• What is really causing this stress? Is it because money is tight?
• Do I have unresolved resentment against my spouse because of household chores or obligations?
• Am I insecure because I’ve never gotten back to pre-pregnancy size?

I have learned that knowing why I am feeling a certain way is the first step to channeling my emotions.

If you’re like me, unprocessed feelings coupled with the desperate housewife syndrome will lead to frustrated children and unnecessary arguments with your husband.

The best ways to process your feelings are to…

• Admit to yourself that the desperate housewife syndrome is a real thing for you and take small steps to improve each feeling.
• Keep an unedited journal where you can emotionally vomit (if you will) and then move on.
• Use guided workbooks (like my overwhelm guide printable) to help you learn how to get from where you are (A) to where you want to be (B).
• Admit what you are feeling is okay and make small positive changes each day.
• Make a pack with yourself to avoid all negative self talk.
• Banish The Mommy Guilt. Nobody is perfect so don’t live your day feeling like your drowning under self-inflicted guilt.

Read: The Stay At Home Mom Schedule That’ll Keep You Sane

Motherhood & Wellbeing

13-18, 6-12

Healthy Minds, Happy Homes

Taking care of your mental health shouldn’t feel like another chore. This workshop shows you how to build simple, sustainable routines that support your well-being and your kid’s emotional health—without the stress or overthinking.

Start Now

2. Take it Easy with Social Media

It’s easy to fall into the comparison trap when you’re in the mindset of the desperate housewife syndrome.

Facebook, Instagram, Pinterest, Snapchat, Tik-Tok, and other social media platforms make it easy to keep in touch with people- so we tell ourselves.

With the rise of social media and smartphones, I have found that I needed to be more careful with what I spend my time viewing.

Once a person falls into the comparison trap it’s so easy to question everything about yourself.

• She doesn’t look like she’s aged at all. Why don’t I always look that cute?
• Wow, their girls are happy in their homemade pillow dresses. Does that mean I’m a bad mommy because my kid’s just wear store bought clothes?
• Look at the trip they are on! Am I giving my kids enough experiences? Am I a failure?

The reality is, people post about the TOP 3% of their life and we compare it with the BOTTOM 3% of ours. This comparison will leave us feeling inadequate.

As a mother with desperate housewife syndrome, your time can be spent in so many better ways!

Instead of admiring someone else’s life, begin to mind what matters in yours. You can begin by starting a fun hobby. Here are 60+ hobbies that are inexpensive and help you get out of your own head.

3. Dress Purposefully

Wearing yoga pants isn’t necessarily a bad thing, if you planned it!. Read: the pros and cons to yoga pants.

After a few of my pregnancies, I’ve gone to Wal-Mart or a local discount store like Ross or Bealls, and bought comfortable workout gear to wear around the house.

It wasn’t fancy, but it matched… and it was purposeful.

The point was, it was better than my grungy 10 year old University of Florida T-shirts.

Read: 5 Things Emotionally Exhausted Mothers Need to Remember

Here are some ways to dress purposefully:

• Get rid of worn out daggy clothes (get postpartum clothes if you need to).
• Pick out clothes the night before, it may be the difference between still wearing pj’s at noon.
• Buy realistic “home clothes” you can wear that are comfortable but still help you feel like you got dressed.

If you’re like me, you’ll feel better about your day just knowing that you’ve already made a purposeful decision, to look your best!

Mom Problem Solving Worksheet

• pinpoint an issue
• draw out how it’s affecting you
• label what you don’t like about it
• determine areas of responsibility
• figure out how it’s showing up
• say what you’d rather happen
• brainstorm solutions

4. Create Systems in Your Home that Work for YOU

It’s not about keeping a showroom home! One sure way to cause stress and anxiety is to try to keep you home up to someone else’s expectations.

A key to avoid the desperate housewife syndrome is to create organizational systems- that bring you peace within your own home.

When my home is messy and unorganized, I feel like a failure. Here’s the key – you’ve got to identify what triggers your stress and assign a system of organization that will work for you.

Why is this important? It’s simple…feeling like a failure is a catalyst in deciding if you’re going to have the desperate housewife syndrome.

Don’t:

• Ignore the mess and try to make myself yourself not care for the next 18 years.
• Give up your need for cleanliness because your kid’s continually make messes or fall into the trap that kid’s don’t know how to clean.
• Make excuses about time because the kids have ran you wild.

Do:

• Start organizing chores that everybody can work with.
• Instruct your kid’s on your standard of cleanliness and hold them accountable to it.
• Assign yourself uninterrupted Quiet Time.

Remember, creating organizational systems that work in your home is about personalizing them to meet your needs and being consistent.

Motherhood & Wellbeing

Weary To Well

This 10-day reset will help you uncover what’s wearing you down (spoiler: it’s not just lack of sleep), set boundaries without guilt, and finally create space to breathe again. Because burnout isn’t your personality—it’s a signal things need to change.

Start Now

5. Feed Your Identity

Mothers lose their identities because they are focused on meeting everyone else’s needs, and neglect to meet their own.

Let’s be honest, this is unavoidable and part of the wonderful job that we’ve been given. Just remember… it’s only for a season!

How to find your identity again?

• Think about the things that you are gifted at and find a way to use them (even at home).
• Journal your thoughts, feelings, desires, dreams, and read books that relate.
• Listen to music you love, watch movies you enjoy, and read information about things that feel “you.”
• Read your Bible, pray, and think about things outside of child rearing.
• Make the most of interactions with others outside your home. This will help keep you grounded and focused on the big picture.

And, always remember why it’s important to stay true to ourselves…

Motherhood isn’t our identity.

Out of our identity we mother. 

Mom Problem Solving Worksheet

• pinpoint an issue
• draw out how it’s affecting you
• label what you don’t like about it
• determine areas of responsibility
• figure out how it’s showing up
• say what you’d rather happen
• brainstorm solutions

::

The post Desperate Housewife Syndrome… Signs, Symptoms & Solutions appeared first on Mother U.

Inside: Are you having babies close together and a bit worried about how it’ll all pan out? Well, you should be. I’m just kidding… here’s some encouragement coming your way

When my son was born my daughter was 12 months and 3 weeks old.

She couldn’t even walk. 

When I brought my baby boy home from the hospital and my daughter was still crawling around… it might have gone through my mind a time or two that I was nuts.

I might have wondered if we’d all survive the newborn phase, but alas we did. In fact, we did it a few times more as well. It isn’t easy, but you can do it.

Read: The Ultimate Guide To Surviving Irish Twins In The Early Years

How to Handle Babies 13 Months Apart

My kids were born barely 13 months apart and we were just fine. Yes this is true. It was insane but amazing and you can survive it with flair.

Sort Out the Basics with Older Baby

One of the most important things to do when bringing home a baby so close in age to another is having a good routine for your older child.

The older child should know the ins and outs of their routine (and even be able to do it themselves as they age) so they still feel safe and secure with a new addition.

It can be tempting to give both kids the same routine, but your older child will want and need a bit more attention and less sleep than the younger.

If you need help with crafting a routine, I’ve put together 25+ including toddler and baby routines here. Essentially, get your older child on a good routine with napping and independent play.

And learn the art of corralling. Then, teach your toddler to follow routine without nagging.

Family Practices & Contribution

0-5, 13-18, 6-12

Smooth Start Morning Routines

Mornings don’t have to feel like a mad dash of lost shoes, whining, and cold coffee. Here’s a simple, no-nag plan to get kids up, ready, and out the door on time — without the rage.

Start Now

Determine Your Feeding Plan

If you are nursing both, get organized about it. If you’re pregnant now and planning to wean the older baby before the new baby is born, try to do it with a few weeks to spare so the older baby doesn’t think they got vacated for a new tenant.

I tried to have my older one napping, in independent play, or otherwise occupied when I fed the new baby so I could have time alone with both and less distraction (here’s how to feed a baby with a toddler around).

Having babies close together in age means you need to start out how you can hold out. If you don’t want to have to nurse your new baby to sleep 15 times a day and night, then don’t start it.

It’s a lot easier to start habits in the direction you want to go than to break ones you don’t like.

28 Things To Do If Baby Won’t Sleep CHECKLIST

Fast, simple, and free strategies to implement if baby can’t get to sleep, won’t stay asleep, or is unsettled in general.

Become Home-Centric For a Time

One of the biggest lifestyle changes to happen when you have a few young kids is this: sometimes it’s just not worth it to leave the house.

Yes, okay, when you’re feeling like a desperate housewife it’s okay to go run errands or do what you need to do. But running errands with a baby (and a toddler) isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.

Just resign yourself to the fact that, in some seasons of life, it’s okay to look different. It’s okay to wear mostly yoga pants and not do things as you used to. It’s a season, it will pass.

To maintain sanity with little ones very close together in age you need to – at least for a short while – batten down the hatches and get into a good routine.

Family Practices & Contribution

0-5, 13-18, 6-12

Sticky Routines System

Giving you a step-by-step guide to overcome barriers and stick to the healthy routines you’ve committed to. Learn the mindsets and secrets disciplined moms use to run a tight ship (think, mornings, chores, homework, bedtime, self-care, etc.)

Start Now

Related Reads: 

• The Tried-And-True 1 Year Old Sleep Schedule
• Best Double Stroller For Irish Twins

Take Life With a Grain of Salt

As a mother of 5 kids ages 5, 4, 3, 2 and 6 months… I want to leave you with the one way to keep your sanity and love being a mom… have a sense of humor.

Honestly, even people who look like they have it all together don’t have it all together. Your kids are going to flail and throw all manner of big emotions at you.

They’ll embarrass you in public and they’ll instinctively refuse to do what you say. You’ll give them a million cuddles because it’s good for their brains and for you, and you’ll also make them angry. These things happen in life.

Read: Toddler Behavior Stressing You Out? Reset With These Simple Tips

28 Things To Do If Baby Won’t Sleep CHECKLIST

Fast, simple, and free strategies to implement if baby can’t get to sleep, won’t stay asleep, or is unsettled in general.

Create a Good Routine

If you don’t have a good routine with kids this young in age, life will be tough. You need a baby and toddler combo routine (get some here) that meets both of their needs and your own.

This may mean putting them down to nap at the same time, having wake up times that are nearly the same, and simply doing the same things at the same time.

You can figure out how to occupy your toddler while feeding the baby and then go from there.

Babies 13 months apart isn’t the easiest thing in the world, but it’s fun.

It’s not without its challenges…

It’s not a walk in the park. 

But it’s one of the best things you’ll ever do… and boy what bragging rights! 

28 Things To Do If Baby Won’t Sleep CHECKLIST

Fast, simple, and free strategies to implement if baby can’t get to sleep, won’t stay asleep, or is unsettled in general.

::

The post Babies 13 Months Apart? Here’s How to Survive… appeared first on Mother U.

When you hear the word conflict, what do you think? Do you think of fighting, dissension, and drama? Or is it a neutral word? A normal part of life?

“Peace is not absence of conflict, it is the ability to handle conflict by peaceful means.” Ronald Reagan

Some people avoid conflict like the plague and others seem to enjoy it. If I’m honest, I’m probably the latter. Not that I think, “Oh yeah, baby, I’m getting in a fight today…” but I don’t feel threatened by a serious conversation, a scuffle, or a come to Jesus meeting.

And resolution of conflict is more important to me than the appearance of peace.

I like to write about mental and emotional health, and the ability to resolve conflict instead of ignoring it is a very valuable skill our children need to learn. But unfortunately (or perhaps fortunately) they can’t learn it from us if we don’t do it.

Here are some concepts I believe we should all practice and we should teach our children!

Family Rules Brainstorm SHEETS

Start brainstorming rules to make your family life more peaceful, connected, and strong!

1. Keep short accounts

We need to keep short accounts with those we are in relationship with. What does that mean? Basically, we should resolve issues as they come instead of letting a debt rack up. You deal with situations as they arise instead of logging them all in a black book that you pull out later to use as evidence against someone. If there’s an argument, fight or issue, deal with it then.

In college I had a theory about why so many people broke up and one person moved on within weeks. My theory was that one individual was keeping a long account and had, little by little unbeknownst to the other party, been getting over them for a long time. When there was finally a straw that broke the camel’s back (or a drop that overflowed the bowl, as they say in Italian) the long account keeper was out of there with no regrets. The other party wanted to work it out but there was no chance. Why? Long accounts.

Motherhood & Wellbeing

13-18, 6-12

Healthy Minds, Happy Homes

Taking care of your mental health shouldn’t feel like another chore. This workshop shows you how to build simple, sustainable routines that support your well-being and your kid’s emotional health—without the stress or overthinking.

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2. Banish “get over it” from your vocab

One surefire way to cause others around you to brush things under the rug is to forbid them from sharing how they feel. Now, this doesn’t mean everyone can spout out their venom and infect the whole household anytime they have a grievance. But it does mean they are allowed to share their feelings. They can explain their emotions. They can vent in a healthy way.

Probably more importantly, stop telling yourself to get over it. Now, it’s important we don’t cross over into self-pity because that’s unhealthy for everyone. But if you have an ongoing issue with someone you are in constant contact with (spouse, relative, co-worker) then saying “Oh I just need to get over it” will (a) not work, (2) only harm yourself, and (d) encourage others to ignore your feelings.

3. Pretending is not resolving

My husband and I had to figure out this stuff when we got married. He wanted to go to bed and pretend nothing ever happened. I wanted to fist fight until there was a winner. Unless I was the loser. Then I wanted to keep fist fighting until I won.

Sometimes situations arise that clearly need resolution. Or at the least, a heartfelt conversation. Of course it’s possible to just act like it never happened, but that is not reality and it doesn’t work. Painful things don’t go away because you ignore them. If they did, dentists would go out of business. Negative situations cause negative emotions. Seeds of doubt. Roots of bitterness. New and deep fears take hold. It is important – vital really – to everyone’s emotional health to work it out and not brush it under the rug.

4. Emotional health breeds self-confidence

If your child is scared of healthy conflict then they will be insecure on a regular basis as they grow up and go off into the world. Teachers won’t always like their papers. Friends will be jerks. Bosses will ask challenging questions and professors will give constructive (but not always) criticism. We don’t want to raise children who are afraid of conflict!

There will always be conflict, and teaching children to solve conflict and issues in healthy ways will put them at an advantage as they go through life. Their relationships will be healthier and they’ll be more self-confident because they believe in their ability to get through. They aren’t threatened if one person doesn’t like them. They know they are up to challenges.

Motherhood & Wellbeing

If Mama Ain’t Happy: Boundaries For Moms

Boundaries aren’t harsh or selfish. They protect your energy, peace, and sanity so you can show up as the mom you want to be. This workshop helps you figure out where you need them, set them with confidence, and stick to them without guilt or burnout. Because when you hold your limits, everyone benefits.

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5. It fills up the emotional basement

I’ve written about it before and will again. Having a full emotional basement (or stuffing all your feelings regularly) will only result in an emotional overload for you. If children or adults don’t feel they are able to express their feelings, they’ll bottle them up. Bottle them up for too long and they explode. Avoiding conflict and brushing things under the rug does not mean they’ll go away. It just means they’ll come back later, but with firepower behind them.

Next time a negative situation or issue arises and you’re tempted to brush it under the rug, stop.

Don’t brush it under the rug where it’s still there, but just hidden. 

Brush it into the trash and then take the trash out.  

The post Avoiding conflict: brushing things under the rug makes a mountain appeared first on Mother U.

Coming from the person who thinks that routine brings sanity and that it’s necessary to keep a good routine when you are raising multiple children, this post may seem out a little of character. A few months ago we were speaking with a teacher friend discussing his plans for the break. He said that while he didn’t have big vacation plans, essentially “a change is as good as a vacation.” I couldn’t agree more.

With four small children, I often feel that I never leave the house. Sure, we go to church, visiting, and around and about, but largely we stay at home. Honestly, it just isn’t worth dragging all of them somewhere and taking 45 minutes to get them out of their car seats, into the buggies/strollers for 20 minutes of action. Plus, it’s hard to find a time when the baby isn’t feeding or eating baby food, and my toddlers don’t exactly want to sit still for 30 minutes in public while that happens.

Having said that, enough is enough. Even if I craft my home to be welcoming and lovely, I get sick of looking at it. I feel the need to put on “real” clothes and maybe even makeup. Gasp. I decide to stuff the routine and go have some fun and excitement with the kids. It’s why we try to get relaxed with our summer schedule for kids.

Here’s why I think a change is as good as a vacation.

Family Practices & Contribution

0-5, 6-12

Summer Rhythms

You’ll walk away with a customized summer plan that balances structure and spontaneity, ensuring your kids have plenty of fun, learning, and downtime—and you don’t spend the whole summer counting down to the first day of school.

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1.  Routine enables fun spontaneity.

It may sound counter intuitive, but routines actually provide the security and stability that allow children to put their best feet forward. If kids are well-rested and well-fed then they’re better equipped to handle crowds of people, over stimulation and new and exciting places. By staying on routine most of the time, you set yourselves up for success when you decide to deviate for a good time.

2.  Kids need a change of scenery.

I’ve found that my children need a change of scenery. This can be done in the home if I organize various activities or if we move to separate rooms frequently throughout the day. If we remain in the living room all morning, say on a rainy day, and then go straight to nap time they don’t feel tired. I’ll often pick a day when they’re well-rested and happy and stuff the morning routine entirely by going out and doing something fun. They have a great time exploring and learning and are usually ready to hit the sack by nap time.

Read: A Foolproof Sample Daily Schedule For Toddlers

Routines To Cut Through The Crazy

Get my cheat sheets and find your family’s groove. Chore, independent play, meal, nap, bedtime, and MORE routine ideas!

3.  You need to be refreshed to be positive and patient. 

I used to believe I was completely extroverted, but now I believe I’m equal parts introvert and extrovert. I don’t mind being alone and can do so for long periods of time, but I do greatly enjoy social interaction. Often when the kids are being naughty and acting bored I will load us up and go somewhere. Even if it’s not for long, even if it feels like a big hassle, we’ll just go. Being out of the house, seeing other people, eating a treat or just escaping the norm helps refresh me. When I’m refreshed I’m a happier and more patient parent.

Motherhood & Wellbeing

13-18, 6-12

Healthy Minds, Happy Homes

Taking care of your mental health shouldn’t feel like another chore. This workshop shows you how to build simple, sustainable routines that support your well-being and your kid’s emotional health—without the stress or overthinking.

Start Now

4. Disruptions are good training tools. 

While we can be careful to craft a good routine at home – and I think we should do this – disruptions also provide good opportunities. Having to wait an extra half hour at a restaurant will help teach your children patience and self-control. Skipping a nap for a family or friend’s event will help them learn to maintain good behavior even when they are tired. If we stayed at home every single day and skipped every event that disrupted the schedule our children would whiz past childhood with only memories within our four walls and surrounding yards.

5. Tweak your routine. 

If you start to feel bored with your routine then now’s a good time to tweak it. Find parts of the day that are tedious and change it up. Swap independent play time for free time or outside time. When you feel that the day just passes in a ho hum blur, that’s a good time to start changing things so that you’ll have something different to look forward to.

Sometimes a change is going out for breakfast instead of eating in. Sometimes a change is eating dinner by the poolside instead of at the dining room table. Sometimes a change is going to the zoo all day or going to a friend’s house for an impromptu play date. While a morning in the park is not the equivalent of a week in Fiji…sometimes a change is as good as a vacation.

The post When most days look the same, a change is as good as a vacation appeared first on Mother U.

Here are 7 ways to do hygge as a family.

Thank you, Melody, for your ideas and inspiration for this post.

A couple years ago I came across that small book about cozy Danish living.

A book about hygge.

Or, that cozy togetherness, warm, fuzzy feeling you get when you are relaxed, warm, and doing something with others you love.

It resonated and went viral because – hey – in this cold unconnected world we live in… anything cozy and comfortable strikes a nerve.

So, if you’re gearing up to enjoy winter and not just suffer through it, here are some simple ways to do so.

Read: 11 Handy Ways To Do Hygge As A Family

101+ 15 Minute Projects

In just 15 minutes a night (while you’re in your pajamas!) take your home (and heart and mind) from stressed out to organized.

How to make your home hygge for winter

Ready to be cozy, comfy, and warm for the winter? Me too! Here we go…

Declutter the living areas

You’ve taken Christmas down and aren’t ready for spring decoration yet, so take advantage of this time to reset.

Reset your space

• Declutter your bookshelves
• Remove extra items off your tables and surfaces
• Take down or update your picture frames/wall art

You don’t want empty or sterile (we’ll get to that, keep reading!) but you do want to give your brain a break!

Removing visual clutter will do that!

Takeaway: Create a blank slate in the living areas.

Pull out cozy blankets and cushions

One of my favorite ways to make the home feel cozy is with thick blankets.

Soften your space

• Curl up in those cozy blankets for family movie night or cartoon hour
• Grab a warm drink and snuggle in
• Enjoy those quality family moments in warmth and comfort
• Use a fabric basket to collect all the blankets and declutter room when snuggle time is over

Takeaway: Family time can be comfy, snuggle up, and watch a movie time.

Diffuse some fragrant essential oils

Diffuse your favorite winter scents in your home to add an instant hygge vibe.

Diffusing essential oils before bedtime or in the evening can add an element of the season right into your home.

Need help choosing? Here are some Hygge oils I love!

• Clove
• Nutmeg
• Ginger
• Northern Lights Black Spruce
• Cinnamon
• Orange
• White Fir
• Myrrh
• Frankincense
• Pine
• Fir Needle
• Eucalyptus
• Peppermint

Read: 24 Best Winter Essential Oil Diffuser Blends

101+ 15 Minute Projects

In just 15 minutes a night (while you’re in your pajamas!) take your home (and heart and mind) from stressed out to organized.

Use softer cozy lighting

Hygee lighting can contribute to the mood of any space in your home.

Practical lighting tips

• Use candles for ambiance
• Replace bright lighting with warm glow bulbs
• Utilize your lamps for a cozy vibe
• Minimize harsh overhead lighting

Takeaway: Store away the bright lights and embrace the warm hygee glow (unless you’re cooking of course).

Stock up on warm drinks for a hygge winter

Sipping on a warm drink while snuggled into your hygee home can really bring the family together.

Create space for precious moments

• Have that warm apple cider or coffee ready to go when family stops by for a visit…
• Enjoy an evening sipping hot chocolate with your kids and telling stories…
• Hygee is having a toasty herbal tea brewing when your friend stops by for a chat…
• With a cup in hand, conversation and sweet memories will be made…

Create Family traditions

Stock up on the things your family loves to do! A hygee winter is the perfect time to create A family tradition.

My favorites are…

• Things that give opportunity for cuddles
• Games that bring out conversation
• Books (especially Christmas or Winter themed)
• A basket at the end of the couch with some handy books for a quick snuggle and read
• Family board games
• Anything you I can do with a hot drink in my hand and a cozy blanket on my lap

Read: 5 Problems Solved By Toy Rotation

101+ 15 Minute Projects

In just 15 minutes a night (while you’re in your pajamas!) take your home (and heart and mind) from stressed out to organized.

I am an only child. A “lonely only” from Birth Order.

As a child, I did love to play card games, but there wasn’t much opportunity for board games. Thankfully, my husband loves board games and so do the kids!

Get the board games out and start playing those in the evenings if you have time. We usually end up playing games on the weekends, or the kids play games by themselves while I’m cooking dinner.

Takeaway: Set things in order to create family Hygee moments. It’s a great to spend time together!

Read: 35+ best family board games (by category)

Print (or save) some winter cooking faves

If you like certain foods during the winter months, don’t let the time go by without having these on regular rotation.

Pratical hygee cooking tips

• Print out your fave winter recipes
• Choose some meals that are pantry heavy (like chili, minus the meat) so you can make them easily without having to plan.
• Buy some cookie dough (or make some) and have it on hand to pop a few cookies in.

101+ 15 Minute Projects

In just 15 minutes a night (while you’re in your pajamas!) take your home (and heart and mind) from stressed out to organized.

Enjoy your winter hygge moments…

We all have busy family lives.

We can get so busy we’re stressed to the max.

The key is to relax and enjoy time with family. Even if you feel like you *could* be cleaning. These moments are ones you’ll remember forever.

::

The post Simple Ways To Make Your Home Hygge For The Winter appeared first on Mother U.

Life is something like, what I like to call, choose your own adventure.

Depending on your likes, dislikes, choices, and the choices of others that affect us, we end up with completely unique creative lives.

And this plays out very specifically in our homes. Some people are the type who wait until it’s messy then call all their little ones into the kitchen and divide up duties.

On the other hand, others create some type of monthly or weekly cleaning schedule and they follow it. This means the house never really has a chance to get messy.

My household goals:

• Clean, but welcoming
• Tidy, but useful
• Fells like peace & joy, not chaos & confusion
• Not so full of “stuff” that I don’t have time for the people

Daily Mom Routines Checklist

Want your days to feel more peaceful (less stressful) with plenty of time to care for your littles AND for yourself?

Well, I’ve got a foolproof strategy for you and it’s this: ROUTINES

Grab your FREE daily mom routines checklist and begin uncomplicating family life today!

How to create your weekly cleaning schedule

So, the key to creating your weekly cleaning schedule truly depends on your unique situation…

First, take a look at your end goal. Do you want the house cleaned each week, or do you prefer cleaning on a monthly cleaning rotation?

I don’t live by anyone’s standards but my own. In the past, I heaped unneeded stress upon myself by falling into the comparison trap.

Remember, it’s only a problem if its a problem for you.

• The benefit to a weekly cleaning schedule- A weekly cleaning schedule, when action is taken every day can offer a sensible organizational pattern that is easy to follow and keep up with. (See Option #1 below…)
• The benefit of a monthly cleaning rotation– If you choose to look at the month as a whole, areas can be chosen to be thoroughly deep cleaned, and other areas may be left for just a tidy-up. (See Option #2 below…)

But first, create a cleaning routine

Truthfully, creating a cleaning schedule is all about routine and accountability. It’s the part of the day that places “peace of mind” back on the table and allows for structure within a room.

You accomplish a good cleaning routine by making it a part of your everyday habits.

If your children are old enough, let them become part of this daily habit. You’ll be surprised how much help they can be with a good cleaning routine!

Read: How To Create Family Routines That Work – Without The Stress

Daily Mom Routines Checklist

Want your days to feel more peaceful (less stressful) with plenty of time to care for your littles AND for yourself?

Well, I’ve got a foolproof strategy for you and it’s this: ROUTINES

Grab your FREE daily mom routines checklist and begin uncomplicating family life today!

Examples of when to clean (and make it a daily habit)

• Toys and books can be cleaned up directly after they are done using them (before leaving the room or going on to the next activity).
• After snack time, make it a routine to clean the floors in the dinning room or kitchen.
• Do your kids nap or have “quiet time’? Part of your daily cleaning routine can be a room pick up before they lay down.
• Is it a free for all on Saturday mornings? Have the time before play be a scheduled time to make sure all laundry is clean and put away.
• Clean the toilets, sink, and floor while your little one is in the tub, or directly after he/she gets out.
• Before bed, do a walk through to make sure the living room and dinning rooms are organized and all items from that day are put away.

Read: Epic Household Chore List

Option 1 – Daily Cleaning Tasks

If you plan to choose Option # 1 (a weekly cleaning schedule), you’re probably looking for taking action every day and making sense of how to organize the cleaning of your house.

Although there will undoubtedly be times of “deep cleaning”, a weekly schedule touches every room- every week.

To start, pick a day for each chore that needs to be done. Then, plan on being consistent each week with your routine.

Getting the whole house cleaned weekly can look like a number of things. Here is an example:

• Monday- Floors
• Tuesday- Bathrooms
• Wednesday- Kitchen
• Thursday- Porches & Yard
• Friday- Bedrooms
• Saturday– Laundry & Extras

There are things that are going to have to be cleaned every day, such as countertops and dishes. However, maintaining a weekly cleaning schedule has proven to be useful when it comes to establishing a clean home.

A weekly cleaning schedule really works!

Read: Chores Even Little Kids Can Do

Daily Mom Routines Checklist

Want your days to feel more peaceful (less stressful) with plenty of time to care for your littles AND for yourself?

Well, I’ve got a foolproof strategy for you and it’s this: ROUTINES

Grab your FREE daily mom routines checklist and begin uncomplicating family life today!

Option 2 – Weekly Cleaning Tasks

If you prefer thinking about a monthly cleaning rotation, you’re looking at cleaning less each day. But, you’re putting the “below the surface” chores on your list. Your rotation will be a 4 week schedule.

While this may seem appealing, I have to be honest… it’s much harder to maintain and without weekly stability, children (and adults alike) take longer to catch on to the routine.

One thing that can be done is to take the “below the surface chores” and add one a week to your weekly cleaning list.

Here’s an example of what this may look like:

• First Week: Focus on floors, baseboards, and walls. This includes mopping, vacuuming, dusting and polishing.
• Second Week: Focus on kitchen. This includes cabinets, refrigerator, oven, and other deep clean situations.
• Third Week: Focus on deep cleaning bathrooms and organization of closets.
• Fourth Week: Focus on the bedrooms and garage/outside areas. This includes closets, under the beds, pressure washing, dusting, and mopping if needed.

Read: The Quick And Dirty Guide To Teaching Kids Chores

General cleaning rules of thumb for families

As a busy mom, you want to get it all done. Having a weekly cleaning schedule is a big help! Check out these useful tips for some more encouragement!

You’ve got this momma!

• Don’t fall into a comparison trap. Instead, find what works for you and stick with it.
• Have a schedule handy that clearly lays out your daily chores.
• Set aside a little time each day, don’t go overboard. You still need to enjoy those kiddos!
• Spend some time purging those extra belongings. This is especially helpful after a birthday or Christmas.
• Get the kid’s involved…. you don’t have to do it alone. They live there too!
• Stay on top of your schedule and try to have fun while doing it. The kid’s will pick up on your enjoyment.

::

The post A Doable Weekly Cleaning Schedule For Busy Moms appeared first on Mother U.

I never knew how protective I was until I had children.

Actually, I had a glimpse of it once before I even knew I was pregnant with my first child. Here’s what happened:

I was watching a movie about a young child who had been separated from his birth parents and was living on the streets.

There was a scene where his parents were being reunited with their long-lost boy and I felt something deep in my spirit.

There was a clear thought: “I will do absolutely anything for the good of my children.” Hmm. Weird, I thought, since I don’t have kids. Fast forward a month and 5 positive pregnancy tests later.

That movie scene had opened up a part of me that I didn’t know about… my “Momma Bear”.

I’ve been striving to harness it ever since.

The Mama Bear Instinct in Action

That “Mama Bear Instinct” or the feeling of “I will do absolutely anything for the good of my children” can happen anytime…anywhere.

You know the feeling… it’s an emotional rollercoaster that can leave a mom shaking with fear or anger. I have been there!

Mom Problem Solving Worksheet

• pinpoint an issue
• draw out how it’s affecting you
• label what you don’t like about it
• determine areas of responsibility
• figure out how it’s showing up
• say what you’d rather happen
• brainstorm solutions

It has the potential to ruin perfectly good trip family outing. It can change the direction of any conversation. The Momma Bear Instinct can even control the environment of a whole room.

How does a perfectly sane person erupt into an explosive ball of spit fire? Should a “Momma Bear” be acting this way?

Is the Mama Bear Instinct totally a bad deal?

It’s an age old topic, but I believe it’s even more relevant in today’s world.

As a mother today, I am on high alert about so many things… strangers at the park, my children’s friends (and their family), people in the grocery store, MEDIA. Dangers are all around for a Mama Bear’s instincts to pick up on.

It’s simple… we get a whiff of danger and we’re on alert. If you’re like me, having “Mama Bear” come out can take a while to recover from.

But… does that mean that momma should ignore those instincts? I don’t think so!

There is no replacement on this planet for a mother’s instincts. Mother’s come equipped with foresight, wisdom, and discretion when it comes to the safety of their children. When Mama Bear Instincts arrive, use them wisely.

A Mother’s Protective Instincts

When it comes to waking up mom’s protective instincts… there are some situations that take the gambit.

I’v had to learn when to not “overreact” and when to “fight to the death”… if you will.

Our Children’s Hurt Feelings

Children can be mean to each other. In fact, children will be mean to each other. However, sometimes enough is enough.

A while ago at church, an older child walked straight up to my daughter, pushed her down to the ground, and walked away. I wanted to spank that girl’s mother and the little girl (and I don’t even spank.)

My daughter was fine after a bit, of course, and there wasn’t really anything I could do about the other kid. Instead of allowing my “Mama Bear Instincts” to act on my feelings… I turned my attention to my daughter.

Mom Problem Solving Worksheet

• pinpoint an issue
• draw out how it’s affecting you
• label what you don’t like about it
• determine areas of responsibility
• figure out how it’s showing up
• say what you’d rather happen
• brainstorm solutions

Here’s what I did…

• I comforted her and allowed her to vent.
• Then, I reassured her that I would not let that happen again and would be watching her carefully.
• Lastly, I had a conversation with her about showing kindness to others in all circumstances.

You see, I want my children to be able to show kindness while still protecting themselves. I also need them to know that I will protect them without overreacting.

There’s a book called Little Girls Can Be Mean: Four Steps to Bully Proof Girls in the Early Grades. My daughter is still too young for it, but it’s on my radar.

Dangerous or Life Threatening Situations

Undoubtably, “Mama Bear” comes out in life threatening or dangerous situations…

Anytime I have experienced this, it felt like a rapid blood pressure drop coupled with an internal organ somersault. This feeling, much stronger than any I have had in regards to my own self, is probably the most altruistic feeling I’ve yet to experience.

In those moments, I felt like I would risk life and limb to make sure that my children were safe.

No Mother Should Have to…

I hope that no mother ever has to experience the fear of a child running towards traffic, falling into deep water, or running away from a vicious dog. It’s perfectly natural and realistic for Mama Bear Instincts to come out when a dangerous person or situation arrises around your children.

Children are by design, more fragile and helpless when it comes to most of the dangerous world around us. A mother is that child’s first line of defense to keep them safe so they can grow up healthy and protected.

Sickness or Injury

My baby girl was in the hospital for 3 days immediately after the birth of my second child, and she had to be hooked to an IV. She wouldn’t eat and barely slept.

Her eyes were puffy and she was so lethargic that it actually broke off a piece of my heart. I’ve always considered myself a deep person, but that expereince dug a trench twice as deep in my insides.

It didn’t end up being life threatening, but for those entire three days I was a wreck. I felt so grateful that it was something as simple as it was. I cried tears for parents whose children are terminally ill. Nothing brings out Mama Bear Instincts like helplessly watching a sick child.

During that time, I would have traded places and done absolutely anything in the world to take her pain.

It’s extremely difficult to correctly harness the Mama Bear Instinct in these situations. Faith in God’s hand on my situation is the only way I made it though and kept my sanity.

Mom Problem Solving Worksheet

• pinpoint an issue
• draw out how it’s affecting you
• label what you don’t like about it
• determine areas of responsibility
• figure out how it’s showing up
• say what you’d rather happen
• brainstorm solutions

Parenting Instincts are Strong

Google defines an instinct as, “an innate, typically fixed pattern of behavior in animals in response to certain stimuli.” Well.. that basically sums up the Mama Bear Instinct. Don’t ‘ya think?

• Inate– A mother’s body is hard wired to respond in a certain way if they sense danger, and this heightened when it comes you children.
• Fixed pattern of behavior- You can expect a mother, when she senses that her children are in danger, to react and behave in a radical way.
• Response to stimuli– When danger is at hand, it’s natural for Mama Bear to respond.

Even though we instinctively want to interfere with every danger in our child’s view, mom’s can learn to harness the Mama Bear Instincts and react radically only when necessary.

An overbearing mom AKA “helicopter mom” can unintentionally damage her children self esteem and social skills by not correctly teaching them how to handle risks.

I have learned that raising balanced children requires me, as the mom, to also live balanced. This is true even when it comes to protecting my little ones.

Let’s Look at Some Real Life Examples…

• A three year old is running too fast in the park. Helicopter mom forces child to slow down and walk while everyone else runs. Balanced mom lets the child fall (on grass) and allows the child to come to the conclusion on their own about how fast they can run safely.
• A mom and her children are walking around their neighborhood viewing the Christmas lights. She spots a suspicious vehicle circling again… she immediately takes action by calling the police and bringing all of her children inside to safety. Mama Bear has done a great job!

When it comes to their children, each Mama Bear is going to react differently. Even though much of the action depends on the circumstance, it pays to look at the big picture.

Let Mama Bear come out, but harness her to both protect your children and teach them how to handle the world around them in a firm, but kind way.

Read more about bullying and how to prepare your little girls here. 

The post The Mama Bear Instinct – Why We Have It And What It Does appeared first on Mother U.