The other night, sitting at the dinner table munching our way through a pizza, my daughter looked at me and said, “You know mom, I am pretty wise.”

“Of course you are,” I replied, wondering where the conversation was going. She just continued eating and we moved on to dessert. Discussion over.

A few nights later, she approached me with a tiny notebook, half the size of a deck of cards, and a pencil. I was on the couch taking a quick break before I launched into the evening’s must-do activities.

Sitting down in front of me, she said, “Mom, I think we should make a list.”

“Oh, do you want to write the grocery list?” I asked, less than enthusiastically. The idea of spending the next hour spelling out each word for her in order to “write” the grocery list wasn’t what I wanted to do. I just didn’t have the time.

“Don’t be silly, Mom,” came her reply, “I just want to write a list of things that feel good.”

Hhhhmmm. This was new.

“Why do you want to that?” I wondered.

“Because I’m trying to get into a routine, Mom,” she said as if I were dim-witted.

OOOOKKKKK.

“Well, what would be on your list?” I probed, trying to understand what she was getting at.

She tapped the pencil on her mouth a few times before answering. “I think my list should have things on it like reading, resting, walking, bird watching, drawing, and music. Oh, and kissing you.”

My heart melted. I got it.

We spent the next few minutes together crafting her list and getting each word spelled just right on the minuscule notepad. When we were done, I watched her carry the list into her room and set it on the nightstand next to her bed so that she would “remember her feel-good routine.”

In the quiet that followed, I couldn’t help but reflect that my daughter was indeed wise. She knows things that most adults have forgotten.

She knows that it is important to regularly include things in your life that make you feel good – not just the things you have to do or want to accomplish, but the things that make you feel good right now.

More importantly, she can actually name those things that make her feel good. Simply. Clearly. Declaratively.

She is in touch with herself and it intends to make it a habit.

And she’s only 5 years old.

We all know that feeling good is nice but most of us have ceased to make it a priority let alone a habit. But we should. Feeling good serves a very important purpose – one that matters to the wildly amazing life we imagine in our hearts.

Feeling good fosters a positive perspective.

Not exactly news, I know. After all, every self-help book out there talks about having a positive attitude. The point that goes missing in all the talk around having a positive attitude is a subtle one. It’s not just about having a positive attitude. It’s about cultivating the positive in all its forms.

Positive perspectives. Positive experiences. Positive emotions.

Because the pay-off is huge.

Quite simply, cultivating the positive – the feel good things in your life – can enhance the possibilities you see, help you build the resources to respond, and allow you to choose your options from a place of strength.

I’ve known this for a long time. Intuitively. It’s why I write what I write here.

But someone has actually researched this and come to the same conclusion.

Dr. Barbara Fredrickson has delved into the value of positive emotions and discovered that they “broaden-and-build“:

…[U]like negative emotions, which narrow people’s ideas about possible actions, positive emotions do the opposite:  They broaden people’s ideas about possible actions, opening our awareness to a wider range of thoughts and actions than is typical. Joy, for instance, sparks the urge to play and be creative. Interest sparks the urge to explore and learn, whereas serenity sparks the urge to savor our current circumstances and integrate them into a new view of ourselves and the world around us.

Positivity opens us. The first core truth about positive emotions is that they open our hearts and our minds, making us more receptive and creative….

By opening our hearts and minds, positive emotions allow us to discover and build new skills, new ties, new knowledge, and new ways of being….

…[T]hese same good feelings, cultivated through natural and ordinary means, are the active ingredients needed to produce an upward spiral toward flourishing. ~ Barbara L. Fredrickson, PH.D., Positivity: Top-Notch Research Reveals the 3 to 1 Ratio That Will Change Your Life

The formula for an amazing life seems pretty to be pretty clear based on this research:  foster the positive in your life (the feel good stuff), watch your possibilities expand in response, build new resources to embrace those possibilities, and end up with a life you love – a life that simply thrives.

I think it may be time to get crackin’ on that feel good list, don’t you? After all, if a 5 year old can do it, it can’t be that hard and it might just be the key to everything.

Every so often, I discover that the gorgeous plant gracing my bathroom has fallen over in despair. Its graceful branches flop over the side of the container and hang there. Wilted. Dejected. Lifeless.

I have forgotten to water it – again.

So I splash a drop of water on its depressed form and pray that I haven’t left it too long, that it may be revived and restored. Each time, I am convinced it’s on its last legs and won’t make it. But, somehow, it does. That small amount of water – that focused bit of care and attention – brings it back to life.

Aside from the fact that any plant should be wary of having me as its caretaker, there is an important lesson to be found in those sagging branches and withered leaves.

What is neglected will certainly not thrive – and, worse yet, might not survive.

If you don’t take care of something – if you don’t nourish it – it will waste away and die. If you only give it sporadic attention – as I do with that poor plant – you might see it survive, but you will never see it burst into bloom.

Sobering and glaringly obvious.

But how often do we ignore the obvious and hope for the best? Think that somehow things will take care of themselves and that everything will be OK?

If you ask my plant, the answer would be: too often.

Our lives are littered with the relics of neglect.

They are easy to spot if you look closely. They might be the dust bunnies that have gathered under your bed because you have neglected your home. They might also be your burgeoning debt because you have neglected your finances, your strained relationships because have you neglected your emotions, or your bulging waistline because you have neglected your health. They might even be the barren days that populate your weeks, months, and years because you have neglected your life.

At this point, you may want to jump into a frenzy of action and shout, “No, I will not have it,” and begin to attack these neglected items with extreme discipline and acts of will until you become a twisted whirlwind of activity that ultimately leaves you exhausted and despising everything about the process.

But there is another way.

You can choose to nurture those neglected areas of your life. Gently. Compassionately. With love.

Nurturing starts with noticing what hurts and what needs to be healed.

Nurturing asks you to dig deep within yourself to cultivate the conditions for flourishing; slowly, patiently, one revelation at a time, until you are rich with possibility.

Nurturing invites you to cherish the process by acting tenderly, lavishing consistent care and attention, and fostering a climate of encouragement.

Nurturing demands that you protect all that is growing within you as if it were a child – fiercely, loyally, and with heart.

Nurturing allows you to love new ways of being into life so you don’t just survive but thrive.

What needs nurturing in your life right now?

She stood in my kitchen, arms folded tightly across her body, as she told me about the tremendous opportunity to pitch her fledgling business idea to some big companies. A once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.

“Yahoo! How fun!!” I said.

She looked at me, arms pulling even tighter across her body, and said, “I’m scared.”

Not quite the reaction I was expecting. Nervous, maybe. But scared?

When I probed deeper, I discovered the fear was based around talking to the CEO’s of these big companies. What could she possibly offer them? What would she say? How would she act?

I reminded her that everyone puts their pants on the same way and suggested she might just want to make friends.

That stopped the conversation in its tracks.

Make friends? In a business conversation? Really?

Yes. Really.

In almost any context, making friends makes all the difference.

Making friends has the power to shift things from the impersonal to the personal, from being a number to being a person, and from being an unknown to a known.

When it’s personal, the conversation changes – whether that’s with the cranky receptionist who is so harried that she can’t find you an appointment until next month or the CEO of a Fortune 500 company who dines with dignitaries and travels the world in a private jet.

Thankfully, making friends is not hard to do. It’s just that most of us have gotten out of the habit.

Once upon a time, when you were in kindergarten, you were a natural at making friends. You looked at everyone and said hello. The path to friendship was built on small acts of sharing -  like your skinned knees, the pet rock you called Charlie, or the peanut-butter-and-pickle sandwiches your mom packed for lunch.

In kindergarten, you assumed that everyone wanted to know and like you.

The funny thing is, they still do – even though you are a grown-up and know all of your imperfections so well that you could write a book about them.

Even more, people want you to know and like them.

They simply want to be seen and heard, just like you.

So, how do you make friends wherever you find yourself?

• Look at people – look them in the eye so they know you’ve seen who they are.
• Say hello – great them with warmth and welcome.
• Start a conversation – ask them about themselves (where they got that beautiful purple scarf, the last place they went on vacation, what their favorite color is, how they made that delicious-looking lunch, where the gorgeous photo in their office was taken).
• Listen to the answer – really listen, absorb the nuances of the response and let them carry you to the next part of the conversation.
• Share something beautiful you’ve observed about them – sharing lets the person know they’ve been seen and heard (wow, you have the best sense of humor, are so adventurous, have a beautiful smile, an amazing sense of style, a lovely family).
• Let the conversation be about them – your turn will come.

Simple conversations like this can put you on the path to friendship.

If you are out of practice, start slowly. Practice with the person in line next to you at Starbucks. Practice with the moms on the playground at your child’s school. Practice with the accounting manager at your office. Be sincere. Maybe you won’t become best-friends. Maybe you’ll only be acquaintances. But, one thing you won’t be, is strangers.

And, you’ll be ready when the next big opportunity for friend-making presents itself in your life. You may be nervous but, you won’t be scared.

When was the last time you made a friend?

You may have noticed that I’ve been conspicuously absent. No blog posts, tweets, or Facebook updates. In fact, I’ve only responded to the most urgent of emails.

I’d love to tell you that I’ve been on a creative sabbatical or cooking up fabulous ideas or off on a great adventure.

But I haven’t.

Call it Mercury retrograde, Murphy’s Law, or just plain old life, but I haven’t had the space or the energy to do anything on my own behalf. Outside circumstances have dictated my reality. Each day has been an effort just to get the basics accomplished.

For a while, I wallowed in guilt.

I should be able to get something more done, shouldn’t I?? Perhaps I could get up at 4:00am instead of 5:00am. Maybe I could dictate a few things while driving in the car. Or scribble a few notes while preparing dinner.

Or not.

(Sleep and avoidance of accidents are high on my priority list.)

Then I fell into frustration.

This doesn’t have to be so hard, I thought. Couldn’t anyone see that I needed a little help here? Couldn’t I have an hour just to relax or create?

No.

(Now and then things are hard.)

Then I marinated in a stew of negativity.

Why me, I asked. Why was this happening, I wondered. Why? Why? Why?

Because.

(Sometimes, that’s just the way it is.)

I stayed in this cranky-pants place until I remembered to ask myself a very important question.

What’s right, right now?

In other words, what was working well for me right now? What could I appreciate right now? What could I be happy about right now, regardless of outside circumstances?

I stepped into that question and found… The sight of white camellia blossoms framed by cedar branches. The tantalizing aroma of peanut butter cookies. The silhouette of the moon captured by clouds in the morning sky. The feel of a brisk walk. A hug from my child. Enough money to do what I needed to do. A family that loves me. Friends I adore. A community that matters.

I came out re-energized.

We all experience less-than-perfect times. Focusing on what’s right – in the present moment – shifts your perspective and changes your mood.

If you can paint vibrant, detailed pictures of what’s working well for you right now, you can weather the tough, gritty parts of life and create a wave of energy to carry you to better times – earlier and more often.

Suddenly, things don’t look or feel nearly so bad, do they?

Energize your life with what’s right, right now.

During the course of a day, you make thousands of tiny decisions. To put butter on your toast or not. To get on the treadmill or not. To do the piece of work you’ve been putting off or not.

Invariably, you follow the course of your inner guidance system – the one that’s got a fairly rigid idea of what you should do, what you should like, what you should want, what you should think, and what your day should look like.

To some extent, that guidance system is in place to get you through the day with ease and to help cut down on the number of decisions you need to make. For example, bran muffins are healthy for you and easy to have for breakfast – so that’s what you eat. Decision made.

Those decisions, made according to your shoulds (and often in your very best interests), end up creating routines.

Those routines create practically the same days with virtually the same outcomes.

Not too playful or especially interesting.

But what if you were interested in creating a different experience? A different day?

It’s possible – playfully.

In theater, there is a form of acting known as improvisation. The actors take their cues from suggestions made by the audience and spontaneously develop dialogues, scenes, and stories – entire plays – based on those suggestions.

In order for an improvised scene to be successful, the improvisers involved must work together responsively to define the parameters and action of the scene, in a process of co-creation. With each spoken word or action in the scene, an improviser makes an offer, meaning that he or she defines some element of the reality of the scene. This might include giving another character a name, identifying a relationship, location, or using mime to define the physical environment. These activities are also known as endowment. It is the responsibility of the other improvisers to accept the offers that their fellow performers make; to not do so is known as blocking, negation, or denial, which usually prevents the scene from developing. ~ Wikipedia

Most of us are resistant to suggestions as a matter of course. It takes too much time to consider the new idea or way of doing things. We know best. It would mess with our routines.  We don’t know what the results might be.

So we block the suggestions.

But what if you chose not to?

What would your day look like if you simply followed the suggestions that came your way? If you played along with what life offered?

• Ordered the seared tuna recommended by the waiter instead of your usual salad with dressing on the side.
• Listened carefully to a colleague’s idea around a challenging issue instead of discarding his suggestion immediately because you think he’s an idiot.
• Acted on a loved one’s hint about the toilet seat instead of ignoring it.
• Delighted a customer by responding to a problem immediately instead of saying you’ll have to check with your boss.
• Bought the blue sweater the sales person tells you is a knock-out even though the black one seems more prudent.
• Moved the couch to the other side of the room when your mom says it would look so much better there even though you disagree.
• Went to get ice cream with a friend in the middle of the afternoon, for no particular reason, because you were invited instead of instead of staying home and cleaning the kitchen.

Imagine the new scenes and dialogue you might create, not only within yourself, but in your relationships with others as well.

If it seems too, too much to actually act on these kinds of things, what if you just kept track? What if you just wrote down all suggestions you hear during the course of day?

You might be surprised by all the possibilities trying to get your attention on any given day – simply begging you to create a radically different day.

Harness the energy of co-creation, embrace those little suggestions, and find out what playful things life has in store for you.

Are you ready to play?

When you step up to embrace your possibilities, life can get a little crazy.

Which is where mine is at right now. Crazy. But in a totally good way.

A little over a month ago now, I added another thing to my already full plate. It was an opportunity that I didn’t want to pass up since it gave me the chance to work with another president on some big things that I like – like planning for the future. When the offer arrived, I thought, “Yes, that sounds fun, I’ll do it.”

The euphoria of the moment and the interesting nature of the opportunity momentarily overshadowed any costs.

Because there are always costs associated with our choices. Things we give up or forgo – for now – in exchange for the current opportunity.

In my case, the costs include two or three days a week away from home. Long drives. A heavy use of my intuitive and creative reserves. Squeezing in the grocery shopping, getting the oil changed, painting my daughter’s fingernails, and organizing play-dates in between writing blog posts, working with clients, and nudging other projects forward.

On the flip side, every opportunity also brings benefits.

The benefits of my new opportunity include engaging with fabulous people around thorny and intriguing issues (which just delights me!) as well a significant chunk of cash and an education on a whole new set of issues.

So how did I know if this was a good opportunity for me from a cost-benefit perspective?

I don’t – yet.

Let me explain.

The cost-benefit analysis is something we engage in on a daily basis. We do it automatically and unconsciously with even the smallest of decisions.

Do you go to the store now or take a nap instead? Do you sell your house this spring or wait for the market to recover? Do you take the promotion or do you stay in the job that you like?

Weighing these types of questions, we make literal and figurative lists of the pros and cons. We try to figure out what the best answer might be.

But in reality, all we can do is make an educated guess based on where we are in our lives right now.

Do the costs and the benefits of the opportunity seem to make sense right now? Do we understand and agree that the impact on our time, relationships, finances, health, etc. will be worth embracing the opportunity?

If the answer is yes, then we are probably are good to move forward.

But that’s not the end of the story.

The real answer arrives when life recalibrates in response to the accepted opportunity.

Think of it this way. You are a mechanic. The new opportunity is your engine. It has just arrived in the shop and you aren’t familiar with it. You examine it. It looks gorgeous!! You listen to it run. It sounds a little rough. Perhaps it’s the different brand of oil? The new gas? You aren’t sure but you are going to play with it a bit. Try to make a few adjustments.

So you fine-tune that engine. You calibrate and recalibrate until it runs without a hitch … or until you discover that no amount of tinkering will save this baby and you have to throw it out for a new model.

And, guess what?? If you have to throw it out, that’s totally OK.

It is in the tinkering, or the calibrating and recalibrating, that the most important lessons arrive. The ones that inform our next steps. Our next selves.

When I became a realtor, I had no idea why I had chosen that particular occupation other than I liked real estate. All I knew is that it seemed like a good decision based on where I was at that point in my life.

As I moved into the profession and tinkered with my life in response to its demands, I discovered something really important about myself that I hadn’t really understood before – I liked to have my evenings to myself. This doesn’t sound like a huge discovery but it is. The ability to sell real estate usually requires that you show property in the evenings.

Oops.

The good news is that I took that information with me to my next opportunity. And the next several after that.

I became an adept at costing and calibrating.

Costing and calibrating are essential skills for embracing your possibilities. Become an expert. The pay-off will be huge.

There’s an epidemic in my world.

An epidemic of gray. Gray faces. Gray demeanors. Gray outlooks.

It may just be that time of year, the cusp between winter and spring when everything seems to be in a state hibernation and nothing has bloomed yet. Or it may something more serious – like coming off the highs of the start of a promising new year, only discover that not all that much has changed and realizing it’s already March.

You’ve lost your zest. You’ve gotten sucked up into the same old routines. The bickering at work. The weeknight couch-potato fests. The lack of progress on your shiny new business plan. Shall I go on?

Let’s take a breath. Let’s infuse those gray demeanors with a bit of pink.

Let’s play a little game.

I know you’ve got tons on your plate. I really, really do. I can relate. As a single mom of a kindergartner who works, has a business, writes, and spins multiple projects along with mountains of endless laundry, I understand having lots to do.

But this game will be fun, I promise. And, it won’t even be that hard to play once you get started. Taking the first step is the key.

This game is called Just One Thing.

Interested?

Good.

Here’s how it works:

• Survey your life environment – health, finances, relationships, self-nurturing, spirit, work, etc.
• Identify where you feel out of touch.
• Pick one thing – and only one thing – that you could play with in the next week to change that feeling.
• Do that thing.
• Examine how that one thing changes your outlook (or not) and why.
• Record your discovery.

So, let’s say you feel out of touch with your body. It feels lumpy and inflexible. Like it couldn’t move off the couch if it wanted to. What could you play with to change that feeling? Experimenting with some form of body work like massage or Reiki? Signing up for a class introducing the art of the trapeze? (I seriously considered this one!)

Perhaps you feel like your work has gotten stale for some reason. What could you play with to spice it up? Hold your staff meeting at Starbucks instead of the dull-green conference room? Send an email to someone you’d like to have as your mentor but have been too afraid to ask?

The possibilities are endless.

So I challenge you to play.

Name that place in your life where you feel out of touch. Go ahead, put it down in the comments or send me a note if it seems too scary to share it in public.

Pick one thing to play with this week and do it.

Report back on the results.

Can you feel the pink flush yet?

Let the games begin.

*******

P.S. Where do I feel out of touch? Coming up with a totally outrageous, incredible offering in my business that will scare the pants off me and delight others no end. Whew. Just saying it makes me feel kind of pink already. I’ll be playing with this one for sure.

Would you know what to do if you were lost and didn’t know how to find your way?

I’m not talking about being lost in the woods or in an unfamiliar city. I’m talking about being lost in your own life.

After slowly and painfully coming to the realization that I no longer wanted to practice law – and before finding my next thing – an entire year flew by. A year filled with partings and discoveries that reshaped my perspective and changed my path in life.

I parted ways with my job, my career, my marriage, my first home, and many of my “friends” after discovering they belonged to my job and my marriage.

I had no idea what to do next. I had no idea what I wanted to do next.

I was lost and I had no map.

Imagine. Your career has disappeared. Your marriage is over. Your home is gone. Your friendships have evaporated.

What would you do?

It’s either time to crawl under your blanket and never come out or step up and find out what life has in store for you.

Although I admit to spending quite a few days under the blanket, I did finally come out – like a mole afraid of the sun – slowly and cautiously. I was stripped of everything that I thought my life was about.

I was naked. Fresh. Tender. Like a baby. Reborn at the age of 32.

When I finally caught my breath after my many partings, I realized that I had been granted a rare gift – the chance to start over and rebuild things from scratch, my way.

When we are babies, this starting-out-from-scratch business seems natural. We don’t know any better. Kind adults guide us. They offer assistance and direction. They pick us up when we fell down. They tell us everything will be OK. They watch our development and suggest things we might want to try, like piano lessons, drama, and the debate team. They paint pictures of the safest careers for us, the best choices for our temperament and aptitudes. They offer suggestions on where to go to school and what to major in.

They provide us with a map – the template to get from point A to point B in a neat, orderly fashion designed to minimize risk and missteps.

Starting from scratch as an adult isn’t quite the same experience. No one hands you the map.

Finding your way is entirely up to you. You are alone. Every choice is up to you and you have no one to blame if you make the wrong choices or end up somewhere you don’t like.

Making your own map feels scary if you’ve never done it before.

You aren’t sure what you are doing or where you are going exactly. Your peers, family and friends wonder if you might have lost it altogether. Cocktail parties become an agony when the “so, what do you do?” question rears its head, is answered with stammers and long-winded explanations, and then met with silence and blank stares.

There is no socially sanctioned category in which to put someone who is engaged in the fine art of map making.

And it is an art.

Have you ever wondered how the map makers of old crafted maps when they had never seen their world in its entirety?

They simply and imperfectly imagined their way. They attempted to define their place in the world based on what they knew, assumed, and thought to be true.

They experimented their way forward.

They tried. They attempted. They did the best they could with what they knew.

With each experiment, they got a little bit closer to the truth. With each piece of information they gathered, the evolution of the map moved from its misshapen, barely recognizable form to the one we know today.

It is the same with making the map of your life.

It will not appear fully formed. No, indeed it will not. Instead, points and paths will be plotted out one step at time – as you imagine your way forward and gather information about who you are.

Likes. Interests. Loves. Callings.

Will it be easy? No.

Ink will be spilled. Tears will be shed. You’ll chart the wrong course and end up somewhere you don’t want to be. You’ll lose your way only to find it again when you least expect it. Your friends and family will tell you the world is flat and if you keep going, you might fall off.

But the journey?

The journey will be totally worth it. You’ll discover destinations of such power and beauty that you’ll be encouraged to keep going – perfectly imperfectly.

Your map will slowly take exquisite shape and it will reflect all the wonder that is you.

That year that flew by for me?

It was the start of my map-making journey. I imagined my way forward with one small experiment at a time. I played. I dabbled. I focused on what brought me joy. I had no idea what I was doing but with each success, and each failure, I knew a little bit more about the shape of my map.

Oh, the places I’ve been!! Oh, the places I’ve yet to go!!

What about you?

*******

All good map makers need an assistant – to hold the paper, sharpen the pencils, and dig up the eraser. Let’s work together.

How joyful do you feel? Right now? In general?

This question has been weighing on my mind. In the past week, I’ve had conversations with clients and colleagues who felt overwhelmed, dissatisfied, frightened, angry, hurt, and frustrated for one reason or another.

Listening to the stories being shared, I marveled at how easy it is, for all of us, to remain mired in the joyless even when another option exists – the path of joy. Choosing the path of joy might not change the circumstances but it certainly helps shift perspectives, attitudes, and attachments.

Why not choose the path of joy?

Because it’s not easy.

We tend to stay in the joyless because we don’t know or have lost touch with what joy is. And, because we don’t know, we can hardly choose it. Instead, we remain with what is comfortable, known, and easy to access – overwhelm, dissatisfaction, anger, hurt, frustration.

We don’t make it a priority to cultivate joy.

I carried this insight with me to my latest love, the Pilates mat. I discovered Pilates a few weeks ago and fell in love with the fluidity of movement and the awareness it brings to each muscle in my body. When I leave a session, I am filled with wonder and joy. Joy in being alive. Joy in feeling strong.

One sequence of movements in Pilates that I find particularly fascinating is called “the 100.” It focuses on strengthening the body’s core by doing 100 barely-perceptible crunches.

Tiny pulses that build strength one micro-movement at a time.

Joy is like that too. It’s not one big “crunch” it is a series of small actions and movements.

The path of joy is filled with tiny pulses that when added together, form a strong, healthy internal core – one of connection, deep knowing, gratitude, generosity, pleasure, happiness, and contentment.

Choosing  joy is a relatively simple affair when put in terms of tiny pulses, or the micro-movements that fill your internal reserves and expand your outlook. Things like:

• Forgiving someone at work who makes you crazy.
• Taking a nap instead of sweeping the kitchen floor.
• Treating yourself to pink primroses just because.
• Finally going to the indoor rock climbing center and signing up for one session.
• Sending a shot of love and patience to the young mother who looks like she’s on her last nerve.
• Taking ten minutes to savor your morning coffee and watch the sun greet the sky.
• Pinning your grandmother’s favorite brooch to the belt loop of your jeans so it will be noticed and enjoyed.
• Sowing seeds in the garden and watching for the first green shoots to arrive.
• Splurging on a small delicacy that you’ve read about but never tried – caviar, Turkish coffee, a specialty cheese.

All of these tiny pulses add up to a joyful you.

They are moments that can be re-called when times are tough, anticipated when things seem bleak, and noticed in place of less joyful alternatives. They make you strong and allow you to shift your perspective easily because you know you can choose joy when you want to.

What would happen if you incorporated 100 tiny pulses of joy into your life?

One pulse a day for 100 days.

Two pulses a day for 50 days.

Three pulses a day for 33 days.

Four pulses a day for 25 days.

Five pulses a day for 20 days.

Ten pulses a day for 10 days.

It might be just the work-out you’ve been looking for.

*******

Helping people discover their joy points is one of my favorite things to do. Consider working with me in a way that won’t seem like work at all. Click here to find out more.

Last week, I had a bit of an upset. Two things happened that derailed my good cheer and caused me to question the value of what I am doing. When you hear what they are, you will probably laugh because they are so, so minor in the grand scheme of things. But, I know you’ve been there too and will understand what I’m talking about.

First, I made a really embarrassing public mistake by misidentifying someone.

It was, of course, totally unintentional but I felt absolutely terrible about it. Fortunately, the person involved found it hilarious. I’m pretty sure we are now bonded for life over the incident.

However, at the time I was going through the first few minutes of the experience, it was excruciating. I was mortified. It was like one of those near-death experiences where your life flashes in front of your eyes but, instead of my life, every embarrassing mistake I had ever made flashed before my eyes.

• Like the time I told a gruff judge I was working for that a certain lawyer was a real stinker – only to later discover I had identified the wrong lawyer – after the judge had chewed him out in court.
• Or, the time I told my boss a piece of legislation was stupid and antiquated, only to discover she had helped draft it.
• Or, the time I mentioned to a woman I was having lunch with that a certain guy had been flirting with me and he really wasn’t my type, only to remember on the way home that she had once dated this guy for years.

Ouch.

The second thing that happened is something that happens to all bloggers on a regular basis.

Someone unsubscribed from my subscriber list and felt compelled to leave a comment as to why they were unsubscribing. In short, the person said my work was, “boring.”

I looked at that word for a long time. I wondered why someone would take the time to say such an unkind thing. After all, they could have just unsubscribed and we could have parted ways gently and kindly.

Every person who works hard at their craft – whether that is writing, painting, or repairing cars – hopes their work will be appreciated and well-received, if not adored. If it is not, we tell ourselves that the person expressing the negative opinion is not one of our “tribe.”

Logically, this makes sense.

But, in those tender, vulnerable parts of ourselves where we question on a daily basis whether we are adding value, creating beauty, or helping someone, unkind words can land like a heavy stone.

Which was exactly how I felt. Like someone had thrown a stone. That “stone” caused a ripple effect where I wondered what I was doing, did anybody care, was I on the right path, was I really helping anyone.

And, I didn’t feel like writing another word.

Ouch.

At this point in my narrative, you are either laughing at the high drama surrounding these two minor incidents or wondering about my sanity. I hope it is the former.

After getting some distance and perspective, I know I was gifted with two great learning experiences.

First, “shit happens” as we used to say in law school.

It is how you deal with it that makes the difference. You can either crawl into a hole and never come out. Or, you can stand up and look for the opportunity in a situation.

In making my mistake, I chose to look at the opportunity it presented – the opportunity to get to know someone much better than I would have otherwise because we will always share this moment.

Second, the opinions of others do not belong to you.

Opinions can be instructive and well-intentioned or damaging and mean-spirited. In either case, we get to choose our learnings from them.

My learning from my unsubscribed subscriber is that perhaps, there is a grain of truth in the comment; otherwise, it would not have touched me so deeply. It is something for me to explore and consider as I continue to write, define my purpose, and build my business.

So there you have the whole sorry saga.

Once in a while, we need to be shaken up a bit. It’s the upset that gives us the opportunity to reevaluate or reset our thinking, perceptions, and understanding of ourselves.

Have you had a good upset lately?