In law school, my professors were fond of handing out elaborate hypotheticals designed to test our powers of observation and analysis.

Today, I’m going to give you a hypothetical to get you thinking about a facet of our lives that we often overlook or push to the back-burner.

Intrigued? I hope so. At the end, there will be a quiz. Be prepared to explain your response (as they say in every good exam!).

The Hypothetical

You are at work, sitting at your desk, dutifully pouring over the first quarter’s financial projections. You’ve finished your fourth cup of coffee and are considering whether that candy bar in the vending machine will suffice for lunch or whether you need to head across the street for a pre-packaged sandwich when the phone rings.

“Uh oh” you think as you glance at the display screen – “she” only calls when something has gone completely off the rails.

It’s your boss.

With no small amount of trepidation, you answer the call. Prepared for the worst, you paste a smile on your face, extend a cheery greeting, and ask how you can help.

What you hear next practically knocks you off your chair.

Instead of asking you to respond to the latest disaster, your boss tells you that she has decided to give you the afternoon off, with pay. It’s her way of thanking you for all of your hard work.

However, she has one condition:  you must spend the afternoon playing and be prepared to tell her what you did when you return to work the next morning.

You readily agree and get off the phone before she can change her mind. Grabbing your keys, you head out to the parking lot and get into your car.

Sitting behind the steering wheel poised to put pedal-to-the-metal, it hits you:  you have absolutely no idea what she means by “playing.”

You take a moment to consider your options.

You could:  a) take a nap; b) head over to the mall to see if something strikes your fancy; or, c) clean out the garage – something you’ve been meaning to do for the last six months.

You aren’t sure if any of these options will satisfy your boss. The euphoria that filled you moments ago starts to evaporate and panic makes itself known.

The Issue

The issue facing our hypothetical employee is fairly simple – namely, what is play?

For humans, play is a refuge from ordinary life, a sanctuary of the mind, where one is exempt from life’s customs, methods, and decrees. Play always has a sacred place – some version of a playground in which it happens. The hallowed ground is usually outlined, so that it’s clearly set off from the rest of reality. This place may be a classroom, a sports stadium, a stage, a court-room, a coral reef, a workbench in a garage, a church or a temple, a field where people clasp hands in a circle under the new moon. Play has a time limit, which may be an intense but fleeting moment, the flexible innings of a baseball game or the exact span of a psychotherapy session. Sometimes the time limit is prearranged; at other times it’s only recognizable in retrospect. The world of play favors exuberance, license, abandon. Shenanigans are allowed, strategies can be tried, selves can be revised. In the self-enclosed world of play, there is no hunger. It is its own goal, which it reaches in a richly satisfying way. Play has its own etiquette, rituals and ceremonies, its own absolute rules. ~ Diane Ackerman, Deep Play

So, I ask you, do any of the options selected by the hypothetical employee qualify as play?

The importance of this question cannot be underestimated – not only for purposes of this hypothetical, but for our own lives, as well. Many of us, I fear, would find ourselves in the same situation as our hypothetical employee if we were unexpectedly granted a moment, an hour, an afternoon, or day that was completely our own for the sole purposes of playing.

We wouldn’t know what play was. We wouldn’t know what – exactly – was expected of us.

Which is both sad and funny at the same time.

We used to know the answer quite clearly back in the days when we could entertain ourselves with anything, be it breadcrumbs or cardboard boxes. In an instant, we could slip away from the ordinary, manufacture the extraordinary, and enter a state of divine concentration where the only goal was to have fun.

As we grew older, play was pushed out of us. We were encouraged to sit up straight, stop goofing around, and get to work.

Gradually, we stopped playing.

We grew up and, worse yet, we forgot what play was or how to do it.

The Rules of Play

So, let’s break down the elements of play as described by Ackerman:

• A refuge from ordinary life
• A sacred place
• A time limit
• Favoring exuberance, license, and abandon
• With the play itself being the end goal
• Done according to its own rules

Using this framework, can you define what constitutes play? For our hypothetical employee? For you?

The Quiz

Will our hypothetical employee be able to fulfill the boss’s request?

If you had one minute to list everything you do that counts as play, what would be on the list?

Would you know what to do if someone told you to go out and play?? If not, why not?

Let’s talk about beliefs – specifically, beliefs that don’t serve our best interests.

You’ve got them. I’ve got them. We just forget they are there sometimes because they live below the surface of our consciousness. Lurking. Waiting to trip us up. Keeping us from what we want.

Simple words that keep ugly little messages in our heads like:

• I will never have enough money.
• My job bites.
• I am getting old.
• No one understands me.
• I’m overweight.
• My co-workers are stupid.

These beliefs influence the way we approach our days – and, ultimately, the way we approach our lives.

One of the things I treasured most about my interview with Martha Beck last week was her suggestion that we hold our beliefs “lightly” and that we not give them so much weight or credence.

But how is that actually done??

According to Martha, one way to do it is to allow ourselves to see that the opposite of what we believe is also true.

By seeing that the things we believe to be true may also be false, we force the verbal brain to relinquish its obsessive belief that it knows the “right way,” or “how things should be.” This throws us out of our preconceptions and into pure perception and observation, into a state of open-mindedness. ~ Martha Beck, Finding Your Way in a Wild New World

So, let’s give that a try with the examples I noted above (these are not necessarily my beliefs – they are intended to illustrate how our “belief” thinking could work):

• I will ALWAYS have enough money.
• My job ROCKS.
• I am getting YOUNG.
• EVERYONE understands me.
• I’m NOT overweight.
• My co-workers are SMART.

Feeling some resistance? I bet.

But step back and look at those statements and see if you can allow yourself to discern their truth with an open-mind.

This can take a bit of work, depending on what beliefs you are playing with, but you can get there. By way of example, our new opposite truths might look something like this:

• Yes, I will always have enough money because I always have had. I’m still here, aren’t I?
• Yes, my job does rock. It allows me to eat, buy clothes, and talk with interesting people. Shall I go on?
• Yes, I am getting “young.” Every day I learn new things or open my mind to more possibilities – things I hadn’t even considered when I was 18.
• Yes, everyone understands me – especially when they get a chance to talk with me, one-on-one.
• Yes, I am not overweight because I am not my weight. I am simply me.
• Yes, my coworkers are smart. I just haven’t taken the time to focus on their particular brilliance.

Still feeling a bit of resistance??

That’s OK. Most likely, you are having trouble believing the words.

And, that is exactly Martha’s point.

We have allowed words to be the “truth” about ourselves when the real truth lies elsewhere – namely, in our experience.

Words – or language – are arbitrary. Words are something we have assigned to give meaning to experiences so that we could all communicate in some way. But, the words, in and of themselves, are not our truth.

Truth itself is something you live, not something you think…. Talking about [words] isn’t enough to experience them; in fact, it often becomes a barrier to real experience by convincing us we know something truly when we really only know it verbally. To avoid this mind trap, cultivate the ability to identify, or even create, paradoxes in your everyday thinking. In other words, whenever you find yourself believing a statement is true, identify ways that its opposite could also be true. ~ Martha Beck, Finding Your Way in a Wild New World

Go live your truth.

Leave the words behind.

Open the pathways to new possibilities and new ways of being.

Try the “opposite is also true experiment” – I’d love to know what your experience of it is. Please share in the comments!

One of the things I like to ask people is what feels impossible to them. If you had asked me that question, I would have said, “I’d love to do an interview with Martha Beck but there’s no way that’ll ever happen!”

But I went ahead and asked anyway.

You can only begin to imagine how I felt when I received a “yes” to my near-to-impossible request but even more, when I read these words from her in answer to one of my questions:

I believe things are even more magical and exciting than I was able to express….

No kidding! You couldn’t have told me that having Martha Beck on my site was possible. But clearly, it is.

Everything really is possible.

And here she is. Magical. Exciting. And then some… Enjoy!

*******

AO:   For quite some time, I have sensed that a shift is occurring in the way we need to show up in the world in order to thrive personally and financially. Your new book, Finding Your Way in a Wild New World: Reclaim Your True Nature to Create the Life You Want, seems to embody that conversation. What is this “wild new world” and what do you think it will ask of us?

MB:  We live at a time of unprecedented change. Technological innovation means that many industries are disappearing, methods of production and transferring wealth are being upended.  We’re also changing the face of the earth, affecting the oceans, the atmosphere, and the climate in ways that could be devastating to all life (except cockroaches). And the change is accelerating so quickly that futurists now say they can’t imagine what will happen by 2050. Ray Kurzweil calls that year “the singularity,” because, like the physics of singularity in a black hole, change will become so rapid that it can’t be meaningfully measured.

This is terrifying if you’re thinking the way most of us learned to during the 20^th century—in methodical, logical steps focused on physical processes. But we evolved to cope with chaos, and so a return to our instincts—and to the methods of “wayfinding” used by our ancestors—can help us not only handle our challenges as individuals and as a group, but create huge positive change and even reverse the damage we’ve done. Not to be alarmist, but if we don’t do this soon, we’re toast.  I believe that precisely the changes needed to thrive personally will give each of us skill sets we need to play a part in an overall positive transformation.  It’s time for humans to begin living harmoniously, in a way we’ve never really seen. But it is possible, and necessary—and wonderful.

AO:   We all dream of living fully and embracing our possibilities. If we only had time to cultivate one skill or attribute that would allow us to move closer to that reality, what would it be and why?

We would learn to question and dissolve our beliefs. Not that all our beliefs have to go—we just need to recognize the small, earthshaking truth that our beliefs are artifacts of mind, not reflections of absolute reality. Once you can question your beliefs, you can let go of almost all the torment that exists in many human minds.  You can begin to see the world with less distortion, since our beliefs shape our perceptions (psychologists now know that we don’t believe what we see—we see what we believe, filtering perception to fit our preconceptions).

Once you hold beliefs lightly, you can respond to your instincts and your real preferences. Fears of failure and impossibility can be questioned and released. To a huge extent, people’s lives are a reflection of their expectations, and if we expect what brings us joy, rather than believing our fear, we can create changes so positive they look like miracles.

AO:   I asked my readers what they would most love to ask you if they had the opportunity. I received many fabulous submissions but I chose these two because they speak to what many of us are afraid to say out loud.

First Reader Question:  I know–deep down in the bottom of my soul know–that the work I’m doing isn’t the right work for me.  I highly–skyscraper high highly–suspect my issues with work are closely related to my health issues. I even know what it is I love doing, and I know there are people making making-a-living money at it, and I know I have the talent to do it, too. BUT, I have tons to learn and it feels like I can’t do all the work/learning I need to do while doing this soul-sucking work that impacts my health AND given this economy and the two teenage children with college barreling towards us that I need to provide for and my age (solidly middle) I do not feel at all that I can be cavalier about any of this.  

I am trying to do what I can in the time that I have and take care of my health and celebrate every little step forward I take … but I’m wondering if there is something else/more/different I might do.  

For what it’s worth, when I was mired in the deepest pit of what-do-I-do-about-my-marriage/life hell, Martha’s book The Joy Diet was one of the ropes I pulled myself up with. When wanting to do something I’m unsure of, I still ask myself her question about whether the option I’m considering feels more like jumping into a clean pool of water or a murky, dirty one. Helps me every time.

MB:  First of all, I’m honored that you found something worth reading in my books—thank you! What I’d suggest is that you begin slowly adding more of the “tons” you must learn to do your real life’s work, subtracting a little from the soul-sucking horrible job. I’m not asking for the moon—start with 15 minutes a day. You’ll find that the learning doesn’t require additional energy from you; it will give you energy. 

I found this out when I was in violent chronic pain and exhaustion. Just 15 minutes a day of what I loved (reading novels and working on my first memoir) added so much energy that I felt I’d slept an extra hour.  Don’t be daunted by the learning—have fun! If it really is taking you toward your heart’s desire, you’ll be amazed how different it feels from the work you’ve been told is “solid.”  You’ll also learn surprisingly fast. Don’t think of it—the learning or building a career—as your “life’s work.” It is quite literally your life’s play. Work is SO twentieth-century.

 Second Reader Question:  I find that I constantly hold myself back – I can’t give into abundance or happiness even when I am in the midst of it. How do you learn to trust that and stop looking for the other shoe to drop? I do this in so many ways – including not taking advantage of wonderful opportunities that are basically handed to me on a platter. This is more than just living in the moment because I can find happiness in most moments as long as they remain small and therefore not scary – what is terrifying is THRIVING. Absolutely terrifying. 

MB:  Our brains are wired to look for danger and disappointment everywhere—but the wiring isn’t “hard,” it’s “soft.” Psychiatrists can help change the brains of someone with obsessive-compulsive disorder by showing them fMRI readings of their brains while they’re having an anxious moment. They learn the lesson we can all use on our anxieties: “This is just a connection in my brain I created by thinking anxious thoughts over and over. If I can think something else, the wiring will change and the anxiety will fade.”

AO:  Thank you so much for sharing your time and thoughts with us, Martha. Is there anything else you would want us to know?

MB:  Only that I believe things are even more magical and exciting than I was able to express in Finding Your Way. The more I “deep practice” the basic way of thinking (or not-thinking) that I described in the book, the more the world astonishes me. I can’t wait to read other people’s stories of the wild and crazy things that happen to others as they explore this way of operating in the world. We really can surf the waves of change, and the ride is just going to keep getting wilder.

*******

Finding Your Way in a Wild New World: Reclaim Your True Nature to Create the Life You Want is a definite must-have for your book shelf if you really want to embrace your possibilities. It’s a guide to tapping into the “deep, wordless knowledge” that we all carry in our bodies and souls. Martha draws on ancient wisdom and modern science to show you how to consciously create the life you want. It’s simply magical.

I stood under a stream of hot, steaming water and felt my legs shake as if they could no longer bear to stand. Water flowed over me and through the slimy wooden slats at my feet. Spiders peeped at me from overhead. A dead moth or two littered the rafters.

I was showering in a shed.

But I didn’t care.

I had just completed a 25 mile hike up a mountain and back – complete with bear sightings – to look at rocks (yes, those were the days when I thought I might want to be a geologist). I wasn’t a hiker nor was I especially prone to acts of physical exertion unless they involved a trip to the ice cream parlor.

The hike had pushed me beyond my normal limits. Way beyond.

I was exhilarated. I was exhausted.

The hot shower was my reward.

As I stood in that decrepit shed, I marveled at the simple beauty of hot water. How amazing it felt as it addressed my sore muscles. How grateful I was that I could still stand under its soothing streams. I paused to savor the breath of a waning summer day on my skin – so cool compared to the heat of the water. I could feel my blood flowing. Each and every muscle was fluid and alive with energy.

I wanted to stay in that grimy, coin-operated shower forever.

I was completely happy in that moment – in a run-down shower stall in the middle of the woods.

The act of sustained physical activity had wiped away my mental chatter. Somehow, by pushing myself beyond what I thought I was capable of, I had opened a door – a door that pulled me into the presence of every little amazing thing.

I was blissed out.

Which just goes to show that bliss is entirely of our own making.

Bliss isn’t something bestowed from an outside source. It doesn’t come from room service in a four star hotel or a massage on the beach at moonlight (although these things certainly can’t hurt!). Nor does it come from just doing outrageous things like diving off cliffs or jumping out of airplanes.

These external acts merely serve to remind us that we are alive. Or, as noted author Joseph Campbell says:

People say that what we’re all seeking is a meaning for life. I don’t think that’s what we’re really seeking. I think what we’re seeking is an experience of being alive, so that our life experiences on the purely physical plane will have resonance within our own innermost being and reality, so that we actually feel the rapture of being alive. That’s what it’s all finally about.

Blissful moments remind us of the divine spark or the rapture within us that we yearn to meet more often.

While that may be true (and I definitely think it is), we may be putting too much pressure on ourselves to experience “bliss”. Blissful moments needn’t be lofty, out-of-this world experiences.

Bliss can be found daily, in simple ways – if we quiet our mental chatter and are fully present to each gorgeous detail of the experience we want to have.

If you have any doubt, try this little bliss experiment.

Tonight, as you lay in bed waiting for sleep to come, concentrate on feeling the texture of the sheets. Are they soft? Crisp? Cool? Warm? Rough? Smooth? Sense each thread as it touches your skin. Move on to the mattress. Experience how it cradles and supports each part of your body. Now take in the warmth of your blankets or duvet. Feel the tender heat envelope you – one limb at a time. Inhale the faint scent of your laundry soap mingled with the beautiful fragrance of you as you snuggle in. Feel how perfect absolutely everything is. You are completely happy in this moment – in your own bed.

Simply blissful, right?

You may be wondering why I am going on and on about bliss.

Yes, blissful experiences are nice. Yes, they remind us that we are alive. Yes, they help us meet our divine spark.

But, they do something else as well. Something infinitely more practical.

Blissful moments add to our happiness reserves – the foundation that allows us to embrace our possibilities. Readily. Easily.

That shower in the shed??

It took place more than 25 years ago yet I still remember those blissful few moments under the hot water in vivid detail.

The memory reminds me of what is possible if only I give things a try.

What does bliss mean to you? Do you experience bliss on a regular basis? If not, why not? If you do, what’s your favorite recipe for finding bliss?

We’ve all had them. Days when we can’t seem to form a thought that is remotely helpful or particularly inspiring. Days when we can’t get any momentum or traction going around the dream. Days when we don’t even know what the dream is anymore and are sick of searching for it. Days when everything feels blah.

We’ve lost touch with the essential part of ourselves that knows we are incredibly interesting, fully-alive, and on track with our personal mission.

We have fallen into the pit of hell known as the doldrums.

The doldrums are that unfortunate state where everything feels like it is at a standstill. No energy or growth – it seems – around anything. Just stagnation, gloominess, and sluggishness.

Sometimes the doldrums last more than a day. They linger. Suddenly, a week or two has passed and we feel like life is passing us by.

Panic sets in.

We can’t just sit here! We’ve got to do something!

But we have no idea what that something is or should be.

Now we feel worse.

We are stuck.

Getting unstuck isn’t as hard as it might seem. It just requires that we embrace the reprieve we have been given.

Yes, a reprieve.

The doldrums are a sign that we need to stop throwing ourselves against the wall of activity. We need to stop doing things in an effort to make something happen.

Instead, we must turn our attention to experiencing things.

The doldrums show up when our inner reserves have been depleted or when we haven’t given ourselves anything to grow with. We haven’t filled up the proverbial well.

And so we fall in the pit. And it feels like hell.

In order to climb out, we must nourish ourselves with experiences designed to reacquaint and delight.

What delights you? Do you know? If you were told to go out and experience something, would you know where to begin?

Consider these simple examples:

• Do you really know what your favorite color is? Head to the paint store and immerse yourself in color chips. What speaks to you and why?
• Do you always eat spaghetti on Wednesdays and fish on Fridays? Maybe it’s time to try Vietnamese take out and let your tongue explore the fresh tastes of lemon grass and basil.
• Have you been listening to the same radio station for the past 20 years? Turn the dial and savor new sounds.
• That park down the street? The one you always pass on the way to work but never visit? Pull the car over. Stop. Get out for 10 minutes, feel the solidity of the earth and inhale all the shades of green.
• Your favorite chair? The one that faces the TV? Move it so you are looking out the window. Take a moment to enjoy the world going by. Engage your imagination and create stories for the people you see on the street or the squirrels scurrying in the garden.

Experience the wonder that is you until that pit becomes nothing but a distant memory.

Explore. Feel. Sense. Savor.

What are your favorite ways to reconnect with yourself when you hit the doldrums? What do you struggle with the most when you enter that stagnant state?

I talk a lot about taking risks.

Risk is inherent in embracing your possibilities.

If you step forward to meet what you want in life, it’s always a bit risky. You might fail. You might discover you hate it. You might alienate your family.

It all feels pretty precarious.

On the other hand, you might be wildly successful. You might find what you’ve always been looking for. You might discover that your family can cope.

That all feels pretty fabulous, right?

What I hadn’t really thought about is that stepping up to do what you really want in life has another consequence as well.

It makes the world a better place.

If we all “step up” even a little bit and embrace our possibilities, it has a ripple effect – a ripple effect of good.

The good comes from honoring our highest and best selves. When we do that, we can’t help but shine a little brighter in our own lives which, in turn, invites others to shine more brightly as well.

Do you have goosebumps yet?

I certainly do. And did when I spoke with Victor Saad last week. He and a team of passionate people are attempting to start a movement by encouraging people to commit to taking a risk for good in 2012.

If you didn’t know it already, 2012 is a leap year. I can’t think of a better way to honor this special year than by taking a risk – or making a leap – for good.

Good for yourself. Good for others.

Check out The Leap Year Project. Be inspired. Make the leap.

What’s your leap going to be?

***********

P.S.  A big thank you to long-time reader Meghan Lazier for telling me about this project!

P.P.S.  If you need a little help leaping, consider Possible to Probable. I’d love to make the journey with you!

Her exquisite white shape floats before me.

One foot grounds her. But barely. She stands on the pointed toes of one leg. The other leg is bent as if she is trying to climb. But there is no ladder.

Her arms reach. Slim fingers seek contact. But there’s nothing to grab.

Her head falls back, beseeching. The words tumble out. But there’s no one to hear.

She wants out.

She begs to be released.

She has something to do. Something to say. Something beautiful to share.

Who is this exquisite being?

She’s my genie. In a bottle.

Really.

She’s the gorgeous gift I received from a dear friend who thought of me every time she looked at the stoppered glass pitcher sitting on her kitchen windowsill and viewed the woman inside.

The woman is seemingly magically suspended in the middle of the pitcher. Her body is strong. The muscles defined. Her form flows. Her will is palpable.

Her very pose speaks to promise and potential if only she can remove the barriers to her freedom.

If only she could get the damn stopper out.

If she could, she’d be ready to grant wishes. To fulfill promises. To make amazing things happen for herself and others.

She is possibility personified.

I love her.

Merely glancing at her reminds me to be aware of the “stoppers” or the barriers and limitations that we place on ourselves as well as those we allow others to place on us.

The sight of the luminous gold glass she is suspended in reminds me that magic exists if we let it.

The vision of her beautiful form reminds me to stay strong even when things aren’t easy.

She is my talisman for the new year. She is a visual reminder of all that is possible.

A wonderful gift indeed.

Do you have a visual talisman for this year? One that captures your hopes? Inspires you to keep going even when you are too tired or frustrated? Infuses a little magic or wonder into your life?

If you don’t have one yet, maybe it is time to let one find you. If you do, I’d love to hear about it.

You may be familiar with this scene. A blank sheet of paper sits before you awaiting your most inspired revelations. You hold the pen in your hand, gripping its nubby rubber surface, feeling a sense of urgency. You wait for the words to arrive.

Nothing meaningful comes to you but you think you must write down something, so you do. A few sentences describing the money you’ll earn or the weight you’ll lose or the mountain you’ll scale.

You’ve written something. But perhaps not THE things that really need to be written.

Welcome to your New Year’s resolutions.

This year, as you sit before your blank sheet of paper, I would encourage you to do something a little different.

Stop trying to find the answers.

The blessing of a new year is that it is fresh. The only thing that exists is possibility. Instead of trying to impose the perfect “answers” on your year through resolutions, why not honor the possibilities?

You can do this by focusing on the questions that keep resurfacing in your life. The little whispers that find you as you’re waiting in line at the grocery store. The musings that hit you as you watch your child kick a soccer ball in the yard. The thoughts you try and shoo away as you settle down to sleep.

Write these beautiful questions down. Because they are truly beautiful. They are the sign posts that have appeared to guide you on your journey.

• What does being healthy feel like?
• What does money mean in your life?
• What does success look like?
• What does a well-lived, rich life look like ?
• What possibilities call to you?
• Who do you want to be when you grow up?

The questions you ask are yours to define. They are the wonderings that give meaning to your life and propel you forward.

Allow your questions to be your resolutions.

Savor their existence. Grant yourself a bit of grace and know that final answers are not required. It’s possible, just possible, that merely asking the questions is enough to lead you to the answers you crave – one step at a time – if you’re patient.

Resolve to give yourself the gift of exploration.

Don’t you feel better already?

**************

P.S. I’d love to have you come explore with me.

In this season of giving, I am always struck by the kindness of others. The people who find the time to buy gifts for the postman. The people who pay off lay-away balances for those less fortunate. The people who bake cookies for the neighbors.

Simply beautiful.

I am also aware that kindness happens every day, regardless of the season.

Sometimes these acts of kindness are so small (or don’t feel so kind at the time) that it is only in hindsight that we recognize the power of the gift. Other times, the acts come from those closest to us and we take the gifts for granted.

Either way, we miss the opportunity to express our gratitude. To say those simple yet important words, thank you.

I’m not letting that happen this season.

Even though the words may never be heard by those who need to hear them, I want to say them. To acknowledge those who have made an impact on my life with their kindness – either by showing me the humor in a situation or shoring me up when the times were tough. They deserve my thanks and so much more.

Will you join me in saying thank you?

Make a commitment to let someone know how much you appreciate their kindness. Tell them what their gift meant to you. Say thank you with heart.

To my kindergarten teacher who made me stand in a corner for chasing boys, thank you.

From you I learned it is much better to have the boys chase me.

To my third grade teacher who told me I was too critical, thank you.

From you I learned how to take a compliment.

To my fifth grade teacher who let me build forts under my desk, thank you.

From you I learned it is OK to be a little different.

To my tenth grade teacher who told me to never stop being critical, thank you.

From you I learned that thinking deeply is wonderful gift.

To my first friend who has always been there for me even when separated by time and circumstance, thank you.

From you I learned to have faith.

To my first pony who was as stubborn as a mule, thank you.

From you I learned that a little sugar works wonders.

To my high school friends who shared the good times and the crazy times, thank you.

From you I learned that family comes in many forms.

To the older women I supervised when I was barely out of my teens, thank you.

From you I learned that I had a lot to learn.

To my best friend who has made my path lighter ever since law school, thank you.

From you I learned that life is so much easier when I focus on the positive.

To the 76 year-old neighbor who saw me laboring with a shovel in the front yard and came to help, thank you.

From you I learned that help always arrives when I really need it.

To the dog that ate my license tabs, thank you.

From you I learned that things always come out OK at the end, even if it is not the end I expect.

To the male executives I worked with when I was a lawyer, thank you.

From you I learned that golf is a good game to know.

To the boss who told me something was wrong if I wasn’t coming to work each day with a passionate heart, thank you.

From you I learned what I already knew but tried to ignore.

To the “boss” who gave me a place to work when life was turbulent, thank you.

From you I learned that having a safe place to land is the most important thing you can give someone.

To the women who cooked me six weeks of meals after the birth of my child, thank you.

From you I learned that my life wouldn’t be the same without my women friends.

To the people who went to bat for me when times were tough and I didn’t know the way, thank you.

From you I learned that small acts of kindness are powerful beyond measure.

To the Christmas carolers who showed up unexpectedly on my doorstep tonight, thank you.

From you I was reminded, once again, that joy is a gift we can all give.

 

Wishing you the best of the holiday season, dear readers. Thank you. From you I have learned to be more of me.

One of the things I love about the arrival of the New Year is that it is the one time in the year that society sanctions looking at our possibilities with fresh eyes. In fact, it is expected that we do so.

We are encouraged to dream big, shore up our resolve, and go out and make it happen.

Who doesn’t love that?

I certainly do.

But I’ve also come to realize that simply buying into the fanfare of the New Year doesn’t get you anywhere unless you’ve done some of the hard work before you get down to dreaming.

I know. I know. I’m sounding distinctly unsexy here but trust me I’ve got something sexy to say.

Before you can go down the path of possibility, you must clear away the obstacles that sit there, waiting to trip you up.

You know what these obstacles are but you might not have made their acquaintance yet. And, that’s what I’d like you to do.

Most of these obstacles are the ones that sit in the corners of our minds and lurk or chatter back at us when we contemplate our biggest, boldest dreams (and even the small, seemingly inconsequential ones).

Who are they?

Fear.

Worry.

Doubt.

Guilt.

Pain.

Anger.

Resentment.

Regret.

I’d like you to invite them to come sit with you for a moment and allow them to have their say, once and for all.

Find a quiet hour and put pen to paper. Ask yourself what you fear, worry about, resent and regret. Find out what hurts, what you feel guilty about, and what makes you angry.

Write it all down. Let it flow. Allow the words to wash your mind clean.

I promise that when you are done you’ll feel loads lighter.

You’ll also be shocked by all that you’ve written down. Things you may not have consciously thought of in years like:

• I’m angry that my parents never encouraged me to play the violin.
• I’m hurt because no one ever comments on how well I juggle a demanding job and raise three kids.
• I’m afraid it is too late for me to learn how to scuba dive.

Reading what you have written, you’ll notice themes. Maybe the themes that come up for you will be fear of not having enough time or living in the past by hanging on to old hurts.

Whatever the case, capture these themes. Honor that they exist by naming them.

For example, you might name the fear of not having enough time, “the Clock.” Or, you might name your old hurts, “the Ouches.” It doesn’t matter what you name them, they just have to have meaning for you.

Named things like “the Clock” and “the Ouches” are the things that keep you stuck. The things that keep you from truly taking advantage of your possibilities. The things that trip you up on the path to your dreams and shatter your resolve.

Now that you know who they are and have formally made their acquaintance, invite them to go away by transforming how you interact with them.

Each time you meet one of your new friends (formerly known as obstacles), thank them for stopping by and then let them go on their merry way. Release them. Replace their tired old voices with new tunes.

Tunes like:

• I deserve it.
• I am good enough.
• I have all the time I need.
• I am capable.
• I live without regret.
• I am kind, thoughtful and deserving.

Just sing it out loud – whatever tune you need to hear and start accepting your truth.

Because you have more important things to do.

Like dreaming big.

Like going after your dreams – finally.

Like creating a bright, shiny New Year.

*************

P.S. Start your New Year on the right foot. Join me in moving from Possible to Probable. Affordable individual and group sessions. The next group sessions start on January 2. Sign up now to save your spot!