Motherhood Imperfected

Why, hello!

noreply@blogger.com (Amy) — Fri, 03 Oct 2014 15:19:00 +0000

Holy, cow. It's been a long time.

My kids are growing up at an alarming rate. I mean, Brady's gonna be FIVE in 23 days. How is that even possible? Here are a few updates!

Benny officially has congenital hypothyroidism. They were thinking he may be able to wean off meds at 3 since his levels were not very high but more and more it's not looking promising. Right now, he takes half the dose that I do. I'm bummed, I've had my moments but I know it's all good. He's smart, he's hilarious and he's on track developmentally so that's all that matters.

Brady. Oh, my sweet kid. I find myself growing more and more proud of him everyday. As he got older and more so last winter/spring, I knew something wasn't right. He was very hyper, to the point where he could NOT sit still, for a moment. His eczema and rashes were so bad that he was so miserable. Potty training was delayed because of it, his poor bottom was constantly covered in a rash. The behaviors were more than your typical terrible threes and fours. He has constant belly aches and trouble going potty. He was constantly sick with a cough, stuffy nose and he wasn't sleeping, like at all. Waking up at night, screaming and we thought he was having night terrors or something. It was frustrating and upsetting. Then, we got his school pictures back that Spring and I knew. Under his eyes were such dark circles that he looked very ill. I took him to an allergist who listened to my concerns and low and behold, he is allergic to milk.I was surprised but it all made sense.

Taking him off dairy wasn't as hard as I expected and we've had our slip ups, trial and tribulations but I cannot explain to you the difference. He's a new kid. He's happy. He plays happily with his brother or by himself. He's a joy to be around (for the most part!) and he's not sick anymore. He's sleeping and sleeping well. It's so hard to put into words sometimes the difference it has made. He's been so good about it too and knows to ask if there is dairy in it before he eats it. For a former milk addict, it speaks volumes to me about how much it impacted him and has made him feel better. He sometimes gets sad he can't have something but thankfully, I'm able to find substitutes for most things.

I'm learning a lot from my kids about my own health and I won't lie and say it's been an easy year. I've had moments where I've felt so bad, I didn't want to get out of bed. I was tired, I couldn't think straight and I was just cranky. Thankfully, I have found a perfect combo of thyroid meds (synthroid and a t3 cytomel!) and I have a supplement regime that has made the world of a difference (D3, b12, Omega 3, iron and Greens!) Here's my PSA for all you moms' out there. If you feel like crap, constantly tired or feel like something isn't right, get a FULL thyroid panel test. Make sure they are testing more than TSH. If I hadn't done this, I'm not sure where I would be right now. Being a mom is exhausting but you shouldn't feel THAT tired all.the.time. I've read a lot about this, since both my husband and I both have it, along with Benny's CH. You won't believe how many times it goes un-diagnosed and untreated. I'm still loosing weight and I'm down over 50 pounds in two years. THAT changes a lot for someone and I could write a book on that, ha!

Brady is in Pre-K this year and I can't believe he'll be in Kindergarten next year! Oh, boy!
Benny is finally talking up a storm and just a ham. I need to get back to updating this so I can remember things!! I'm hoping to write more about our lives with allergies in case I can help someone else. Feeding our family can be a struggle at times because well, dairy is in SO MUCH.

I just love life right now and I hope to make this more of an ongoing thing. I miss this outlet and I've tried to come back so many times. Hopefully, this is the start.

Life check

noreply@blogger.com (Amy) — Fri, 24 Jan 2014 04:36:00 +0000

I look back at my last post and it's not ironic that it was about weaning. Life has been pretty much of a hot mess since then. I blamed weaning. I felt out of control. My hormones were out of control.

I remember the moment when I knew he was done. It was a bit sad but it was such a sweet moment and I look at him now and feel so blessed for almost 18 months of nursing .(He was officially weaned right before he had turned 18 months.) I started feeling a bit off. I got acne and it was awful. I never really had issues with acne other than a few nuisances here and there. I was tired. Cranky. My body hurt. My hair was falling out in the shower in larger amounts than I was used to. I gained weight but blamed not nursing. I couldn't think straight and my memory went to crap. I blamed it on hormones. I blamed it on having two young kids and being busy all the time. I just figured things would go back but they never did.

Then, after two bouts of sicknesses, I found a lump on my neck. I started to worry there was something seriously wrong with me and was terrified. I started having a lot of anxiety that kept me up at night which made the exhaustion worse. I finally went to the doctor. She wasn't concerned with my 'lump' as it was tiny but figured we should do some blood work to check a few things.

I wasn't surprised when she called back to find something off about my blood work but I was surprised to hear it was my damn thyroid. It wasn't super high so she wanted to retest in a few months. Well, I went on with life with the holiday's, work and life with two kids.

I went back a few weeks ago because I was still SO tired. Think First Trimester tired without the whole baby thing and yes, I'm sure there's no baby! We retested my thyroid and low and behold, it was still low (test came back high because when you're thyroid is low, it's raises the levels.) I went to an endocrinologist who did an ultrasound of my neck (which is so not much when there's not a baby involved!) and was told my thyroid looked like, 'swiss cheese which was not what I had expected to hear. They checked for nodules/tumors and I was given a eight week supply of synthroid, the same medication that Benny takes.

Basically, my immune system is attacking my thyroid. My official diagnosis is Hashimoto's thyroiditis. Immune disorders run in my family so I wasn't entirely surprised. I have an Aunt with Lupus and another with Chrohn's. A bit upset that there was indeed something wrong with me but at the same time I was a bit relieved to know I wasn't crazy!

Benny had his follow up with his Endo this week and I asked her if there was a correlation and her response was no, odd, yes but no real correlation. He is more at risk of developing what I have later on but since he already had mild congenital hypothyroidism, it's something he'll be monitored for.

My own personal theory which may totally be inaccurate since I'm no doctor but I think this was developing for a while after my pregnancy. Pregnancy suppresses things like this I think I once weaned, my body just went wacko (see, totally technical terms here!) I had the body aches for so long and they never went away after I had Benny. Who knows if this was the cause of his hypothyroidism or not but with Blake's hypothyroidism diagnosis (6-7 months ago) I find it to be very odd. It kinda has me rethinking a lot of the things we put in our bodies but that's a whole other post!

I started meds a little over a week ago and I hope to feel better sooner than later. I think it's partially why I haven't blogged. No energy, no desire. Sigh. I can't believe how much the kids have grown since I really stopped and with my memory sucking, I need to document it. I hope to get the 'bug' back but I wanted to write this post for two reasons.

Any health scare makes you worry and makes you think. This has made me stop in my tracks and think, 'what if' and I've spent more time playing and less time being 'cranky mommy!" We have truly been savoring life. Sometimes, we just need a reminder of the how important the little stuff is and I've seen such a change in Brady as well. Part of it is he's growing up but I think the chaos of life can be too much for him sometime too.

I also wanted to post this in case someone else is going through this. I blamed motherhood and I know we easily put ourselves on the back-burner. Sometimes, we need a reminder to take care of ourselves.

Hopefully, it won't be another 3 months before I post again!

A milestone for both of us

noreply@blogger.com (Amy) — Tue, 05 Nov 2013 04:01:00 +0000

When I was pregnant with Brady, I had no idea the impact motherhood would bring. I expected to feel that emotion rush over me once again when Bennett was born and it did but in a different way. It's quite hard to explain but it was a gentle, slow growing peaceful kind of thing that really fits his personality.

During my first pregnancy, I read the right books and talked to the right people but when breastfeeding didn't work out, I was crushed. It was something I never expected to mourn. I hated it and everything it entailed but I was heartbroken I couldn't give him what he needed. I got 'over it' in a way but when I found out I was pregnant with Benny, I wasn't sure what I was going to do. I was scared I would try again only to be set up for failure. I wasn't sure as most of it would really depend on how he was brought into the world and the complications could happen, again. So, most of my pregnancy, I never gave it a second thought. I feared the unknown with a possible VBAC looming in the foreground. I didn't know what the end result would be and it was breaking me down.

Luckily, I was able to have the birth I wanted. I was able to hold him right after he was born and I didn't have to send him to the NICU like I did with Brady. Then, the nurse asked, 'Do you want to try to feed him?' Instinctively, I nursed him for the first time and he latched on quickly. I remember that moment and it was one I wasn't so sure would bring me to where I am almost seventeen months later.

We made it an entire year and while we did supplement a few bottles here and there but mostly, it was all me. I was so very protective of this blooming relationship in the beginning but then again, he wasn't so keen on being separated from me either. It was a perfect fit at the time. When he gained weight, I was happy but he was still so very tiny and I took it so very personal. After I had asked the doctor the first time, I knew not to ask it again at his next visit but I did. Below the five percentile. I felt ridiculously guilty. As if it was my fault he was only in the fourth percentile. Every visit, I'd ask again and then left his appointment feeling defeated. His doctor was never concerned but it didn't matter. I grew very defensive about it but as our relationship grew so did my own confidence.

When I went back to work, I was sure it was the end of it all. I slowly prepared myself for the beginning to the end but it never came--not to say that we didn't have our moments and I swear I counted ounces in my sleep but we persevered with a lot of hard work. I tried fenugreek, Mother's milk plus, teas and all kinds of methods and tricks. Finally, once I chilled the heck out, it was fine. He didn't starve and I just kept pumping. Looking back, I'm pretty sure I had ample supply but I just needed to figure out a method to pumping and relax. In fact, I think at one point, I had an oversupply that my anxiety created in those attempts.

I kept telling myself that if it ended, it would be ok. We made it this far. I set small goals. First it was a month, then 3, then 6, then a year. With each milestone, I noticed I became more attached to this relationship of ours and I protected it as I did him. There were times I wanted to burn my pump or I needed a moment to myself but once I sat down, I immediately felt myself calm down. I remember one night, I was having a hard time falling asleep, which hardly ever happens. Then, the 'omg, I'm so hungry' scream echoed down the hall.' I figured it was a good thing I was already up, right? He dozed quickly in the crook of my arms and I tiptoed back to bed. Within minutes, I was fast asleep. The more I thought about it, in a way, it helped me. In the crazed day to day of life, I knew that I had a few moments where it was just the two of us. It was like time almost stopped. It was just him and I and that look of contentment. For now, I'm going to hold onto these last few moments for I know they are fleeting.

In April, he had to have surgery. I was able to nurse him as soon as he was awake and I think it was what soothed him afterwards. Last month, he had to have another and after waking from anesthesia, he cried for 20 minutes. I couldn't do anything that would soothe him and it was the worst feeling. Finally, after trying a few times, he looked up at me with those big eyes and latched on. He just sat there and I felt his entire body relax slowly. It was a moment I was so grateful for and I think he was waiting to wean for that moment. We still have one short moment before bed each night and I know the real end is coming soon. While I'm to the point where I'm getting ready, it's bittersweet.

In a little over a week, he'll be 17 months old. Again, I know the end is coming soon and with that, I think with all the sadness, guilt and heartache that I felt with Brady truly made me so much more grateful for each moment. I know I'll be sad to let go of something so important but in my own heart, I know it's time. I know it's nourished my soul as much as it's nourished his growing body.

I know in ten years or even twenty, they won't remember or care how they were fed. In fact, both of my kids were fed and that's all that matters but I'll have these moments that I will hold onto and for that, I will always be grateful.

Benny {12 months}

noreply@blogger.com (Amy) — Tue, 05 Nov 2013 02:44:00 +0000

Dear Benny,
Happy Birthday, my sweet, sweet boy. Looking back at this year, I can only tell you one thing. There is no one word, no one way to explain the beauty and well, oddly enough, the peace that you have so perfectly brought into our lives. I was driving to work the other day and just thinking about you and your silly expressions brought tears to my eyes. It's amazing to me how you so easily fit into our lives. I can hardly remember life without you. Being a parent of two isn't easy by any means but you make it feel that way (at times.)

I find myself thinking about how fast time has flown and more so now that you are turning one. It was only just a short year ago that I was nervously anticipating your arrival and wondering how our lives would change. I knew that you would come into this world and I would fall head over heels with you and I did, boy did I!!

I remember those last few months before you came, I savored my last moments being a mom to the only one who I've known how to be a mom to. I worried that I wouldn't know how to be a mom to you but once you were put into my arms, all those fears slipped away.

I was scared of how it would impact your brother and I find myself a bit aloof as I watch you two wrestle around and giggle with pure delight. As I see the way you look at him, which you have done since you were so very tiny. I see an instinctive protectiveness in his eyes and the pure, raw and unconditional love in his heart that was put there for you and you alone.

You are so incredibly silly and so serious at the same time.

You were so tiny and yet full of so much strength that I see in you daily. There was a Shakespeare quote , "Though she is small, she is fierce.' and it reminded me of you. You are so brave and I think you were put here on earth to remind me of the beauty and grace in life.

You are such a sweet and lovable soul. Giving hugs and love to only those you prove worthy. You may be a bit slow to warm up but once you do, you never stop smiling at them. Cuddling is one of your favorite things to do and I soak up each of those moments.

I remember the sadness I felt as Brady turned one but what I didn't know at the time was how amazing each day past one came to be. While I'm saddened to watch you grow out of infancy and into toddler-hood I am anticipating each moment with you.

You are my a beautiful soul so full of love and life. I look forward to each moment I'm blessed to share with you.

(Lots of posts I'm finally posting!)

FOUR.

noreply@blogger.com (Amy) — Tue, 05 Nov 2013 02:15:00 +0000

Dear Brady,

Last week, Sunday to be exact, you turned four. FOUR.

Let's process that for a bit.

F.O.U.R.

I know. It seems like yesterday, I was rocking you in my arms, wondering how I could love someone so little so very much. Seems like yesterday I was trying to figure out why you were not sleeping or laughing at your busy, curious, toddler antics. I have watched you grow from a colicky baby, to a curious toddler and into an inquisitive, sensitive, loving child. A person.

I sometimes see curiosity brewing that grows into a bit of anxiety about unknown and new things. We talk about things and it's just like you needed to know HOW it would work or what it looks like. Before a trip for Florida, you told me you didn't want to go. You were afraid of the water. Actually, you had woken me up at 6 am to tell me this. We looked at pictures of the beach and it calmed your fears. Your growing need for knowledge amazes me and I know I will see it blossom into something big one day.

You're curious nature cracks me up too. You've asked me lately, "why do we have butts.' or 'why do we have belly buttons' and you listen so intently to the answers we try come up with.

You have fears that are a bit cute, frustrating and comical at the same time but I know those fears are real to you. Just remember, your fears are bigger than reality and you have many guardian angels watching over you. Also, I'm pretty sure there will never be any bears, coyotes or gorillas in your bedroom.

You continue to learn new things every, single day. Sometimes, you'll say something and I'm just astonished. Then, there are times, I"m just blown away.

Last week, we were talking about your special trip with Daddy to the beach (to visit Aunt Kim.) I told you to say bye to Benny because he had to go to the sitter's while we take you and Daddy to the airport. You looked over at him, hugged him and said, "I'm so sorry I can't go with you to Rachel's, Benny! I love you and I will miss you a lot! '

Like I said, blown away. Moments like those, my love, I see them so often with your brother. There is something so beautifully special between you two and it's the best thing I could ever witness. You have fallen into this big brother role like you were always meant to be in it. A few weeks ago at the park, I watched as you protectively watched over him as he took steps up a little too high. My heart swelled to an extent I never knew existed and I knew at that moment, you would do anything for him. You are amazing and I hope you never forget how great you are.I know Bennett looks up to you and loves you.

You started school this year and have flourished in every, single way. You love learning. You love going to school and seeing all your friends. You love all the teachers and they adore you. You are such a social butterfly. A true social butterfly. You have a lot of new friends at school and one kid comes up to me often to tell me how much he adores you. You see, you have a way with people. You win them over with ease and find a way into their hearts with one quick dimply smile.

You can count, know all your letters and letters. You've developed such a love for those things this year. You want to know what everything starts with and sound things out. You love to read but have the biggest imagination. Pretending is the one of your favorite things. I love to listen to you play and it's one of the things I listen for purposefully.

You have this sensitive side too. It's a side I don't want to be faded or tarnished with age but I want to protect it as long as I can. Don't forget that the best you that you can be is you. Always remember, you are enough and you are worth every thing good in this world.

It still finds it hard to believe you are four. Four is a big deal, dude. Three was still teetering between toddler hood and kid status and four is just SO big. Heck, at your 4 year old well visit appointment, you were between 77-79 percentile for height/weight so there is proof you are SO big!

I know three had some difficult moments but the ones I think we'll remember are the amazing ones. You will always be my spirited one. The one who always finds a reason for everything.

Happy 4th birthday, buddy. Happy Birthday to the kiddo who is full of energy and never stops moving but loves to hold your hand and cuddle. To the kid who pushes all my buttons but pulls at my heart. To the kid who asks us, "why do we have butts?' To the kid who will never be the best at sleeping but is by far, the best big brother. To the kid who finds happiness and joy in everything. We love yo in the morning and in the afternoon. We love you in the evening and underneath the moon!

Two months.It's been two months.

noreply@blogger.com (Amy) — Fri, 30 Aug 2013 02:36:00 +0000

Holy moly. I can't believe it's been two months since I've posted. That makes me super sad that I've missed out on documenting so much. I'm hoping to get back into things now that life feels like it's slowing down a bit. I say that but before I know it, life will be crazy once again but it's different now with a almost 4 year old and a baby that's not so much a baby anymore.

I can't post any pictures because my computer crashed right almost when we got back from vacation so I've been without my computer for almost two months. Blake was almost able to retrieve oh,just EVERYTHING from the past year (so basically, Benny's first year of LIFE!) but something went wrong and it wiped the hard drive clean. Spic and Span. Even our vacation pictures which broke my heart as much as everything else did. It was not a pretty moment during those realizations.

Oh, AND the freaking external hard drive failed too. We had just talked about saving it elsewhere and backing up on discs but then this happened and don't you worry, as soon as I have it in my hands, I will be doing this very soon. My laptop was sent to a lovely friend way on the other side of the world (really from Missouri to Cali!!) and he was able to get everything. Hopefully, I'll have it back soon because posting or doing much without it is well, impossible!

Just a little recap. In the past two months:
Benny went from baby to toddler. I mean, what?!?
We went on our first family vacation and it was amazing.
I took Brady to his first big kid movie
Benny has decided that weaning is not cool and drinking anything else is a big joke. Though, he has recently decided that the cheapie cup I found in a bin at Target is the only one he'll drink out of. Unless it's someone elses!
Listened to Benny learn new words and it's amazing to me how he has grown.
Brady started Preschool. Oh, my word. Bring on the tissues because man, that was something else. I have pictures for all of this that hopefully, I'm going to be catching up on soon.

I've realized how fast life is going and I need to document these rough, amazing, beautiful moments. I swear I blinked and the summer is over. I usually and anticipating and ready for jeans, hoodies and all things pumpkin by now but for some reason, I'm holding onto summer this year.

Fall means my baby will be FOUR.
My littlest will be closer to 2 than 1.

I just want to hang onto now for a while. It was during vacation that I looked back and soaked the entire week of sun, sand and time with my babies as the distractions from the everyday craziness of work, life and social media were gone. It was how I wish everyday could be. Just my family, embracing life. It wasn't all pretty or joyous but I surely took home a little lesson.

Also-how is next week September?

Life lately: June edition.

noreply@blogger.com (Amy) — Wed, 26 Jun 2013 03:28:00 +0000

Whew. I thought once the birthday madness blew over that life would slow down but man, I need some extra time! Anyone have some I could borrow?

Benny turned one. Yep. One. Hard to believe but man, my heart can tell he is growing up. This picture. Oh, this kid. You have no idea how the words fail to come when I see his sweet little face sometimes. He is my little peanut and I think at times, I forget he's not so tiny anymore.

On his birthday, we took a trip to Grant's Farm and he had a blast. The kid loves animals so it was perfect for him plus, it was the last place we went before he was born. It was fun to return a year later as a family of four! We had a birthday party the next day, which I failed to know at the time I scheduled it, was also Father's Day so we kept it small with family and a few close friends. It was hot but it was good. He wasn't so much into the cake smashing but he sure did have a blast!

I loved that we saw so many baby animals. Kinda fitting, huh?

At this 12 month visit, he was almost in the 10th percentile. He's never been that high, which is great but he's still small. He had his endocrinologist appointment last week and things are still good. He hasn't had to change his dosage and he's still on the lowest dosage possible. We have another visit in September and I think he'll be able to move to twice a year! There is some bad news and I'll go into more of it later but he is going ot have to have another surgery in the fall. My head and my heart is not quite ready to go there yet but I have a post I've been working on about it. It will be more simple procedure this time but he is still my baby and I just don't want to have to do it again. Sigh.

Anyway, back to the good stuff. I kept wondering when the heck this kid would get teeth and his first one popped around 11 months. I think my response was, 'about time!" He has two more on top that just came through too and I'm pretty sure more are on the way.

He is such a ham. Squeals in delight over just about anything, is so incredibly silly and loves to chat on his 'phone!' but the biggest thing is that the kid sleeps. I asked Blake the other day, "Do you think he sleeps too much?" After he has been sleeping through the night for 11 and sometimes 12 hours STRAIGHT. This is epic people. Brady has NEVER, nope, never slept that long in his life. Blake's response? Nope, we are just used to a kid that doesn't sleep."

Let me tell you. Sleep is SO good. Oddly enough, there are nights when it is the big kid that wakes up.

Speaking of my big kid, he is just so funny right but going through a defiant stage. We have tried a 'good behavior' jar I saw on pinterest but it's not working so well. He's so smart, so sweet and so much still my baby but the kid will always be my spirited one.

We took our first trip to the pool this weekend. Really, it was a test to see how the kids would do when we hit the BEACH in oh, 18 days! I'm really excited but REALLY nervous about flying and traveling with them. Plus, we are staying with my in laws in a place there and it's just, yikes. I can't wait though to see Brady's face when he gets to run into the water for the first time. Can't.wait.

I'm working on Benny's one year post and a little bit about his party but man, I find myself lost for words. I just wish I could have slowed the year down for a while but I can't imagine being full of so much joy in such a long time. Being a mom of two is hard, it's exhausting and overwhelming when there is only one of you but I can't really imagine life any other way.

Eleven. {bennett}

noreply@blogger.com (Amy) — Sun, 23 Jun 2013 02:53:00 +0000

Oh, kiddo. It's been a BIG month. Eleven must be your lucky number, huh? A lot of firsts. A lot.

Likes: His family, Georgia (his dog,) animals, playing with Brady, being with the big kids, berries, playing outside, wagon rides, chasing Brady, wrestling with Brady, stealing Brady's sippies, nursing, making your 'mean' face, crawling/climbing on things you're not supposed to, being tickled, kisses, giving kisses. You just love everything! You and Brady have this little game that you do that you find to be just downright hilarious. You both crawl and you chase each other.

Dislikes: Sitting still, diaper changes, being left alone, being splashed (in tub or water table)

Yummies/Food: Oh, boy. This kid can eat. Favorites are still any kind of berry, blackberries are on the top of the list. Grilled cheese, bread, peas, macaroni and cheese (plain noodles, not so much,) and hard boiled eggs are top on your list. There isn't much you don't like but some days you can be kind of finicky. You're still nursing like it's the best thing in the world but you have really cut down on your sessions and it's nice but sad at the same time. A whole entire post will be coming on this because it's really been amazing to almost (one more month, buddy!) make it an entire year. Going into it, I had no idea how long we'd make it and here we are. You tend to want to snuggle/nurse first thing in the am, you'll have two bottles at the sitter and then you might nurse when you get home but sometimes you just wait till bedtime.

Sleep: Well, this is huge kid. Huge. Mommy moved you to YOUR bed, finally. No more excuses and mommy was just ready and tired. Plus, I think you were getting woken up from your brother in the mornings and you were to restless. The first night in there you STTN, there were a few nights you've gotten up once or twice but for the most part, you sleep and sleep well. I hope I don't jinx it but it's been awesome. All of this good stuff even when you got your FIRST TOOTH! I can't believe it but FINALLY. Looks as you'll be getting more pretty soon too.

Personality: Your personality keeps on growing and you are just a ham. You still love to do anything your brother is doing but you have this recent obsession with the fireplace hearth and it makes mommy nervous/crazy. You crack up when you get up there, it's hard not to laugh. You make this 'mean' face and I die everytime I see it. It's hard not to chuckle at it and along with it you make a snorting nose. Hilarious. You are just so silly and I love watching your personality grow.

You do this crab walk thing when you get outside and you only do it outside. Don't wanna get dirty, eh?

Milestones:
SLEEPING in your crib and through the night.

WALKING.

Blow kisses

First word. Doggie and Georgia. Georgia comes out only in a screaming, high pitched sound and it's cute as can be. I didn't believe Daddy when he said you were saying it but sometimes it's clear as can be.

First ice cream cone. I believe it was MY ice cream cone till I let you have a lick and you claimed it as your own or had a death grip on it and I wasn't able to get it back. Loved it.

Oh, sweet boy. I can't believe you are almost one.

Nine months {bennett}

noreply@blogger.com (Amy) — Sun, 23 Jun 2013 02:20:00 +0000

Likes: Mommy, nursing, eating, anything in puff form, playing with doors, opening drawers and pulling things out, the dishwasher, the dog,

Dislikes: Sleeping alone, being away from mommy,

Yummies: Benny boy is still nursing up a storm. While he loves to nurse, kiddo loves his bottles. He gets this giddy laugh when he see's me packing them up and it's adorable. You are starting to really love table foods. Cheese is one of your favorites and will shovel it in like there is no tomorrow. I gave you some strawberries this month and lets just say they were an obvious hit.

Sleep: I'm not sure I've ever mentioned this but Benny, you are the biggest cuddle bug that you even love to cuddle with your blankies. You love to hold onto one while you sleep, the softer the better. It's precious. Not officially attached to one but it's cute and sweet. Your sleep has gone a bit downhill this month but it was to be expected after surgery. I've been really lax about it and your still in our bed which isn't boding well for your love/hate with your crib. You really spent a good solid 5-6 days straight with mommy and I'm not sure that helped your separation anxiety but we'll get back there. Mommy sure is a sucker for you!

Growth: At your nine month visit, you were 17.8 pounds and 28 inches (I need to double check this is right) but a week later when you got weighed for your surgery, you had gained more than 1/2 a pound! I've noticed lately we had to move into a lot of bigger clothes and are in more clothes coordinating to your age now. Six month clothes no longer fit. Rachel (sitter) said she thought you grew two inches while you were gone (you didn't go for a week after your surgery!) You do seem much longer but I think you're still just a little peanut!

Milestones:
Surgery: I hope this is your one and only my dear but you were such a big boy through it all. It was rough to see you like that and it hurt my heart but seeing you feel better fixed that.
You got a doggie! You love her too.

You are so much more interactive with your brother I've noticed more so this month that you guys are really playing together. I mean you would play with Brady before but now you're interacting back and forth and it's just the best thing ever. You light up around him and I know how much you look up to him already.

First trip to the park!

First Easter !

Oh, bubs, love you lots.

Ten months {bennett}

noreply@blogger.com (Amy) — Thu, 20 Jun 2013 03:02:00 +0000

Oh. my. oh. my we are getting closer and closer to one. I just can't believe how fast time is going and I know I start each post like this but it's really like someone is pushing this fast-forward button. I'd love to be able to press 'pause' for one night. I have to say though, I'm loving you at this age. Not that I didn't love you at all the other ages and stages but you are just so full of life, it's a big blessing to be surrounded by your joy.

Likes: nursing/bottles at daycare, Still momma's boy all the way, food, berries, playing with the big kids, being tickled, playing with your big bro, everything about your big brother, going on walks, riding in the wagon, putting things inside of containers, the dishwasher, the dog, being outside, cruising around the furniture. One of the things you have done for a while now, still cracks me up. You'll crawl around with something in one of your hands so each 'step' you take, there is a loud 'clank!' You think it's just as funny as I do.

Dislikes: Diaper changes, being left alone, getting dressed, sitting still

Yummies/Food: Man, some days this kid takes down more food than his big bro. You have really started chowing down on the food here son. One night, I gave you some blackberries and you literally screamed at me until I gave you more. Needless to say, they are your favorite thing, ever. I think I watched you eat 10 in one sitting and still wanted more afterwards. Cheese is next on your list along with peas and bread. I've had a hard time finding things you won't eat lately but some days you're more finicky than others. One day you ate broccoli for me but refused it at the sitters. Some days you'll chow down on a banana but others you throw it to the dog. Yep, you've learned that trick fast, right? You love to eat yogurt and squeeze pouches of purees. Foods in puff form, yogurt melts and goldfish are your favorite snacks. Still no toofers but that doesn't stop you from chowing down. You eat pretty much what we do too. Beans, quesadillas, chicken, ham, peas, rice, barley,eggs, quinoa, strawberries, blackberries and blueberries.

The only thing I've found your not a fan of at all is green beans. Won't touch them!

Sleep: Naps are great. He takes 2-3 naps that last 1.5-2 hours. Sometimes, you'll take a 3rd quick nap in the early evening. We've had some really good nights and some really bad nights but you got sick (ack, again!) with a crappy virus and so that meant you were back in bed with us. It's been harder to get you back in yours and to be honest, I haven't tried that hard lately. Sleep is much needed around the house (especially since your bro is on a 4-5 am wake up kick lately!) so at this point, we are a big desperate. I'm by your first birthday you'll be sleeping peacefully in there full-time. Naps are still going well at home but not a great napper on the go. You'll fall asleep in the carrier or car seat but wake up easily. Transitioning you to your bed during one of those naps is a funny joke, right?

Personality: You are really turning into a big ham, You find things funny that should be and you laugh at things your brother does. You are so into watching others and take it all in. You are so laid back sometimes that when you do get an attitude, I have to laugh. You have started to get frustrated when you can't get something one or a lid on a container. I noticed it the other day when you were putting the lego lid back on and each time you'd miss it, you would clench your fists and scream! Hilarious!

You are a 'let's put anything and everything in your mouth' kinda kid. Brady never went through this as much or I have bad momnesia but you put EVERYTHING in that mouth. I'm pretty sure you gag on something or a piece of food at least once a day, if not more.

You are really interacting more with your brother and I"m seeing him trying to play with you more as well. I just love it.

Milestones:
Standing unassisted for longer periods of time.

Standing up by yourself!
Using the sign for 'more'
Waving to others while out and about
Clapping!
More vocalizations/babbling

(finally, right? Though, 8 and 9 are behind because somehow I saved 9 over month 8 and it's gone, super sad face!)

LIfe lately.

noreply@blogger.com (Amy) — Tue, 28 May 2013 04:02:00 +0000

Why, hello, you little neglected little blog you.

Life lately has gotten in the way. Kids. Babies. Work. Life.

Definitely not sleep. Someone is FINALLY getting teeth. Yep. Eleven months old and he is working on his first tooth. Granted, I think shortly after this one pops through, 7 more are not too far behind. He claps, waves, blows kisses, shakes his head yes and no, WALKS and says my favorite word, "Mama!" He is still a peanut but the kid has grown! He is wearing Brady's old summer clothes and it's funny/sweet to look back. Funny because Brady was oh, 7-9 months old and Benny is almost 1. I also found Brady's first pair of shoes, size FIVE and peanut is in a size 3! Another thought, Brady was in a size 4 diaper at FOUR months and Benny is just now slowly inching there at 11 months.

Peanut he may be but personality is large.

His new thing is drama. Hand over mouth when he's ticked off and then he rubs his hands together. It's pretty adorable/comical.

Benny is (dare I say it?) walking. He still only takes a few steps at a time and only up to maybe 5-6 at a time but it has hit me, he's not my tiny baby anymore. He's doing SO much it's just really crazy how fast time is going. I've found myself stopping to just watch them, soak them up and it's good.

Brady is too cool for school. We signed him up for, gasp, preschool. We toured it a few weeks ago and he ran over to the other kids and just fit right in. He's a stinker, a dreamer and a very curious kid right now. Why? Why? His questions are getting harder and harder to answer. "Did Bennett cry when he was in your belly?' "Why do babies go in mommy's bellies?" Got to love the curious minds of a 3 year old, right?

I have lots more to share, soon. I have like, oh, 4-5 posts at the minimum I've started and need to post. I promise I won't neglect you anymore my precious little blog. I miss you. I need to get back to documenting my babies because as I'm realizing, time is flying and I don't want to forget a single moment. In all reality, my memory sucks so I need you too!

I hope some of you are still out there too, especially with this catastrophe end of Google Reader. I'm really loving, Bloglovin'! Though, I'm still trying to figure it all out!

Gosh. I love these boys.

A letter to myself

noreply@blogger.com (Amy) — Wed, 10 Apr 2013 13:53:00 +0000

Dear Amy,

Right now, you are in the thick of it. Tantrums. Sleep deprivation. Distracted nursing sessions. Poop. So.much.poop. It all sounds so great, doesn't it?

That's the thing, it is. Take a minute. Breathe in the scent of those freshly washed baby curls. Listen to the sounds of sweet belly laughs. Pat his soft dimpled skin and kiss those chubby cheeks, again and again.

Look at you the boy who first called you mama. Look at how long his legs are and remember how tiny they used to be in your arms. Put your hands on his sweet face and tell him how much you love him as you remember the chubby cheeks that you used to obsessively kiss. Rub your hands through this short hair darkening with time and remember the blond and curly locks that used to be in its place.

Three year olds. Oh, my three is hard. These little beings can be exhausting but they are so amazing in that same respect. Cuddle him close when he invites you in. Your baby is a mere two months away from toddlerhood. Don't rush him, he'll do things in his own time and when he is ready. It will come too soon that his dependence will lessen and your heart will miss it.

Time is fleeting, momma and I know It's hard to be 'in the moment' all the time.

The tantrums are hard. They are frustrating, exhausting and even confusing. Sometimes, you want to cry too when you've tried to accommodate an overtired three year old who wants nothing you are offering and you're exhausted after getting up who knows how many times to nurse the baby and finally getting up at 5:30 am to get ready for work (and get everyone out of the door on time!) Sometimes, you give in and that's ok.

Instead of crying, you get through it, together. You find yourself thankful for his voice and know you'll hear laughter soon enough.

The lack of sleep is rough and makes the days long but you find yourself thankful for the nightly nursing sessions because it means you're able to nourish and fill his sweet belly. You soak in those moments, as he grows bigger with each gulp because you know those moments are fleeting.

When your three year old asks you 100 questions, 99 which are the same, take time to answer them. They might not be that high on your list and might even drive you a bit crazy but try to remember you are his guide in this world and his teacher.

When you are feeling a bit overwhelmed, just stop. Look around at the toys sprawled throughout the house and know those won't be there forever. One day, you'll miss them.

When all else fails sing, dance, paint or break all the rules. Eat cake for breakfast. Run through the sprinkler in the dark. Leave the dishes behind so you can build a fort in the living room. Sometimes, you just need to let go. Have fun. Leave your worries behind. Really. Don't just 'pretend' to leave them behind but do it.

I know that the days are short, the lists are long and there are so many tears along the way but you will never get these days back. I know that knowledge is hard to swallow but just take a step back and love your life right at this moment. Forget whatever notion of perfect parenting you have carved out in your mind or the snippets of others lives you read on the Internet but its your moment, it's their childhood. It's okay if you feel like you're failing sometimes as we all have our inadequacies and it's those that make us strive to be better.

In that same breath, don't forget, you're a good mom. You may not have time to do all the fun and educational activities you've pinned on Pinterest but your kids are happy. You might drag them from one errand to the next on your days off but they feel loved and that is what is important.

I know it's hard to remember all of this in the hustle and bustle of everyday life with two young kids but come back to this, read it over a time or two to remind yourself.

Think of the sounds Benny makes as you are reunited after a long day at work. Remember how he curls up around you and nuzzles his head into your chest with pure excitement. Remember that moment.

Think to bedtime when you are tucking Brady in and he asks for another kiss, and another hug. Then, another and another. Think of those innocent moments in the dark when he allows you to cradle him in your arms and surround him with love. Remember that moment.

It's those moments that we live for and don't let them get away.

Mother, oh Mother, come shake out your cloth

empty the dustpan, poison the moth,

hang out the washing and butter the bread,

sew on a button and make up a bed.

Where is the mother whose house is so shocking?

She's up in the nursery, blissfully rocking.

Oh, I've grown shiftless as Little Boy Blue

(lullaby, rockaby, lullaby loo).

Dishes are waiting and bills are past due

(pat-a-cake, darling, and peek, peekaboo).

The shopping's not done and there's nothing for stew

and out in the yard there's a hullabaloo

but I'm playing Kanga and this is my Roo.

Look! Aren't her eyes the most wonderful hue?

(lullaby, rockaby, lullaby loo).

The cleaning and scrubbing will wait till tomorrow,

for children grow up, as I've learned to my sorrow.

So quiet down, cobwebs. Dust go to sleep.

I'm rocking my baby and babies don't keep.

by Ruth Hulburt Hamilton

Surgery day.

noreply@blogger.com (Amy) — Thu, 04 Apr 2013 16:24:00 +0000

Woah. I'm not sure I've ever had a bloggin' break that lasted this long! I need to finish Benny's monthly posts because I'm already forgetting things!

Benny finally had his surgery yesterday. I feel bad for the kid because people ask what he has to have surgery for and I explain to them about hypospadias. I'm sure he will love all the talk about his 'manhood' when he gets older but as a mom it wasn't an easy thing to experience. Long story short is that his urethra wasn't in the 'right' spot and it was moved to prevent issues later on down the road (which some were already starting to develop.) We were told it was a pretty easy process and his wasn't too severe (but ended up needing more 'repair' than we had thought) but he still had to be cut and he still had to go under which was terrifying for me. We were told it was a 1-2 hour surgery and I couldn't' fathom him being taken away from me for so long.

He was supposed to have it in January and they wanted him to weight a bit more and then he got sick. So, when it started getting close, I wasn't nervous because it wasn't real. Then, I got the call. The time, the instructions. I was shaking. I had so much nervous energy, I think I cleaned the entire house.

We had to be at the hospital early and I think it was 6:30 before when we were checked in. We were asked 100 questions from 10 different people (nurse, anesthesiologist doctor, who knows who the other people were!) and the next 1.5 hours were called 'distract the hungry baby.' Instructions were no milk after midnight and no clear liquids after 4:30. This sucked. Benny, so I think, has a really fast metabolism or something because kiddo eats all the time. He still nurses every 2-4 hours and overnight about 2 times or so. I don't know where he puts it all because still being in the low percentile, he packs away a lot of food for being so little.

Could he seriously be ANY cuter in his little gown? The hand gesture is his new thing, 'what?'

I fed him around 11:45 and even tried to top him off with some formula but he only took less than 2 ounces. He woke up at 3:30 and was ready to eat again, not sure if he wanted it more for a comfort feed or if he was really hungry but kiddo would NOT go back to sleep. I rocked him, we swayed, I finally gave in and we played. Around 5 am, he finally conked out. I got ready and we woke him up as we walked out the door at 5:45.

I was nervous about how he would act when we got there, knowing his surgery wasn't till 8:15. He was a riot. Hamming it up for the nurses and wooing them with his big ol' eyes and dimply smile. We played in the playroom, we walked, A LOT and we made up silly games of distraction. The time really went more quickly than I thought it would.

The anesthesiologist came in and I almost lost it when he told me he'd take good care of my baby. The nurse came in to take him and even though he went with her willingly without tears thanks to her sparkly name badge, it hit me. I kissed him 1000 times and the tears came quickly. Our nurse quickly came in and distracted me by telling us to go eat and told us a funny story about people passing out. I couldn't sit there and just wait so we walked around the floor a bit and finally went down and grabbed some breakfast.

Waiting. Waiting sucks.

You wait in the same room so they can get a hold of you in case they need you/let you know when he is finished but when the phone rang near 9:00, my heart dropped. I grabbed it faster than I've ever done anything. Thankfully, they were doing a courtesy call to let us know that they were starting late (they wait till they are asleep to start the IV and he was a hard stick) and wouldn't be done at the time the dr had told me and didn't want us worrying!

Around 10:15, the doctor came in. He did great, was out and would be calling us soon to come see him! Talk about a sigh of relief. I was anxious to see him and I just wanted him back in MY arms.

After what felt like an eternity, it rang and we could walk down to recovery to see him! I swear I ran back there and swooped him up out of that nurse arms! He was devouring a bottle of pedialyte and was still really groggy but being reunited never felt better. He nursed for a bit and then went back to sleep. I held him and kissed his little head and I think every single finger.

We texted everyone to let them know he was out and doing well. I texted our sitter too so that she could let Brady know Benny was doing well since he told her he was worried about him. (So sweet!) He slept deeply for a while and woke up in a good mood.

Around, 12:30, he started to get really fussy and then started screaming. He wanted to nurse but didn't want to. He was climbing and flailing and it was awful to see him like that. It was most likely the pain meds were wearing off, he had bladder spasms or he had gas from the anesthesia. It could have been a lot of things but it sucked. Seeing him like that was the most helpless I've felt as a parent and I hope to never feel that way again. Our sweet nurse gave him some spasm medication, gas meds and pain medicine and he was asleep in my arms again by 1:00. It wasn't for a few more hours that we were finally discharged.

Poor kid looked drugged up and it broke my heart to see that but I was glad he wasn't in pain. We always joke about Benny's 'intense' looks and the nurse told us that when he woke up, he zeroed in on one particular man and would not stop staring at him until someone gave him a bottle of Pedialyte, ha!

He slept/nursed most of the night but woke up this morning ready to go! He is happy, crawling/pulling up and I haven't had to give him any pain meds stronger than Tylenol since last night. We are still giving him the spasm meds for another day to be sure and they we can stop those. He is on an antibiotics to prevent infection (well, duh) because he had to have a catheter.

The catheter stays in for a week and the bandages stay on till tomorrow or Saturday. I'm a bit afraid to see what is under there but I know he will heal quickly. I have to say, the team at Children's was amazing as usual. It was obvious they are used to dealing with nervous parents and take that into consideration in what they do. That is something I appreciated so much. I also see nurses in a different light even though I've always known they were rock stars! I sat there holding Benny in recovery, another baby had just came out of surgery and was screaming bloody murder. I watched another nurse console him, rock him and do what she could do make him feel safe and comforted but all he wanted was a familiar face and food (I'm sure) but it hit me in all that these wonderful nurses do! (You rock!)

All of this has really made me count my blessings more and appreciate their health more than ever. I saw so many other kids in there before/after surgery and it's sucks that kids have to deal with any sort of medical issue even the 'minor' ones because as parents we know, there is no such thing as minor when it comes to your kids. I am so proud of my big boy and amazed at how resilient babies can be!

Review: Cross Country Cafe K-cups (and how I stay sane)

noreply@blogger.com (Amy) — Fri, 22 Feb 2013 03:39:00 +0000

There is something I love almost as much as I love my family.

It's coffee.

I've loved it since I was a high school kid who spent lots of time in a diner with friends staying up too late. It became a fixture in my life as a college student and again when I became a mom.

There was a time after Bennett was born when my beloved Keurig broke and I almost died because I couldn't make coffee for a week! It was awful. I'm not joking. Coffee is my one daily necessity. I might be drinking it while the kids are running around and acting like wild banshees but I feel like the world stops for a minute and it gives me a bit of sanity. Oh, the taste is pretty fabulous too and the caffeine is the only way I survive almost 3 1/2 years of broken sleep.

K-cups can be pricey and I'm a bargain hunter so the two things, well, they don't always bode well together. I have been buying my most favorite coffee of all time (Starbucks Cafe Verona) at Costco because well, it's the only way I could potentially feel okay spending that much on coffee. Then, Costco decided to stop carrying it and I practically sobbed in the aisle. I have been on the search for something more economic but with that same flavor I love so much.

I stumbled upon Cross Country Cafe and I feel like I scored big time. You can't beat the price. I have shopped around for K-cups a lot (more than I'd like to admit, really) and their prices? Amazing!They have a great selection and are family owned. Win-win for all, right?

I did find a replacement that I am over the moon in love. Actually, I found THREE, which if you love coffee as much as I do, you know that is a big deal.

I love BOLD coffee. These are amazing that I am oddly giddy to wake up and have some each morning.

Hop on over to Cross Country Cafe and check them out! They have a great selection (Caribou, Wolfgang, Donut House and much more! I just happened to love three of the same brand!)

Disclaimer: I did receive a sampler of coffee but the opinions are 100% my own and I love, love, love coffee.

Introducing....'First Bennett'

noreply@blogger.com (Amy) — Fri, 22 Feb 2013 02:44:00 +0000

If you follow me on IG you've already met the new guy in our lives.

Brady is the kind of kid who loves everyone and pretty much everything. He's pretty much happy to play with any toy or be around most anyone. It's just his personality. He is obsessed with trains, trucks and Toy Story. He's all boy but loves to play with barbies and cook in the kitchen. I love that he's so very much into what he wants and I know that will fade but for now, I'm enjoying it.

When I was pregnant, I found this little doll at Target and thought he would be perfect since his little outfit says, "Little Brother!" Brady played with him for half a second and then he got thrown into a bin somewhere A few months ago, we found him during a massive toy overhaul and he's been a figment in our lives ever since.

Meet First Bennett. He's small. Apparently, he poops A LOT.

He likes to nurse and cries when Brady leaves him. Hmmmm, sounds like someone else I know!

He also does get into trouble sometimes too!

I guess he gets first dibs on the name since he was around first? I don't know but when we asked Brady what his name was we were told it was "First Benny!'

Then we asked, "What is your brother's name?" His response was 'The OTHER Bennett, MOMMY!' like I should have just known that.

He also reminds me that he is indeed a "pretend baby, MOMMY!" Geez, I should know that, right?

He goes everywhere Brady goes.

On wagon rides......

(side note: real benny hates hats!)

He does tummy time and plays with baby toys.

He takes naps.

Gets diaper changes (you know because he poops a lot) and Mommy then finds piles of wipes all over the house.

'Shhh' My baby is sleeping!

He sleeps in bed with Brady and goes to the sitters house with him. It's the one thing he has to take with him to bed and I think I lose an hour or two each week looking for him (cause a responsible parent looses his baby!) The poor thing needs a bath. I tried to wash him in the wash machine but that apparently isn't 'safe for babies!'

So, this is 'First Bennett'' and for the past two months, he goes everywhere with us. I'm pretty confident that Brady is going to be a great Daddy someday.

Well....except when he leaves him like this. The social worker in me wonders if this is something I needed to report. The mom in me wonders if I should be worried about his parenting style.

I wasn't sure if it was the best place to leave him but I wondered if he was just trying to keep him safe from harm! You know because earlier that day he had to rescue him from a baby who tried to eat his tiny little plastic feet.

The same baby who almost started WWIII because he *gasp* TOUCHED his two favorite things.

What's happening 'round here.

noreply@blogger.com (Amy) — Thu, 21 Feb 2013 03:45:00 +0000

I found an old photo album and realized my kids are actually mine. This look a lot like Benny but I see Brady in this picture too. It's funny because when I was about a year old, I was pretty tiny and I'm starting to guess Benny takes after me more than I thought!

Potty training. This is my least favorite 'milestone' in parenting but I am so thrilled to not have to buy diapers anymore for him! Surprisingly, it hasn't ben too rough and I think it's more because we let him be ready. I mean, I've tried here a few times and he just wasn't ready but then a kid at the sitter's started and he decided he wanted to go too. The kid let us know plenty of times he wasn't ready, trust me, ha! The biggest issues we've faced were 1) poopin' in the potty and 2) wanting to wear pull-ups instead of undies. We've tackled both this week. Whew.

I just can't believe how much older and grown up he seems now. I about cried when I thought that he is almost 3 1/2 and I'm looking into signing him up for preschool in the fall. Seriously?!?

I believe the only reason he decided to start was that he was promised a bounty of the one and only, Buzz Lightyear.

In that same note, you are invited to the 324,392th screening of Toy Story at our house. Seriously. Thank to this movie, my kid now knows the words idiot and stupid as it was demonstrated when Bennett knocked over his train track. He looked at him and goes, "Don't mess up my tracks you stupid baby!" My head spun around what felt like 360 degrees! I was cleaning the kitchen while he was watching it during his 'nap time' (what are naps?) and heard Woody call someone an idiot myself. Thanks, Disney. Thanks, a lot!

Speaking of the things this kid says, he is hilarious. I love this age, though the 1,000 of questions I get a day drive me insane sometimes but he cracks me up. I was talking to him on the phone on the way to work on Friday. He goes, "Mommy, come out of the phone and open my banana!" Made my whole day.

Bennett thinks he's a big kid. Standing up and cruising and stuff. He is something else.

He is a totally different baby the last two weeks. Happy, ALL the time. He still cries when I drop him off at the sitters but he doesn't cry ALL day anymore! You have no idea how happy this makes this momma!

Sigh. He was supposed to have surgery tomorrow. Key word supposed to. If you remember, he has something called, hydrospadias where his urethra is not in the 'right' spot and it was to correct it but he came down with yet another cold and since it's not an 'urgent' surgery, they want the babies to be 100% when they go under anesthesia. I can't say I'm too upset since I was a nervous wreck, ok, a HOT mess this week thinking about it and as an added bonus, we are about to get 'Snow/ice-megeddon.'

I was freaking out as it was because the pre-op instructions told us no nursing after 4:30 am. No clear liquids after 8:30 am. Clear liquids meant Pedialyte which if you remember from the ER visit went SO well. I could NOT imagine how I was going to deal with him wanting to nurse and not being able to. The thought makes me cry to think of denying food to him when he's hungry. It will be something we deal with next month but hopefully we'll have a better time of day that we will be scheduled for which could make it a bit easier.

So....while it is basically putting off something that I am so ready to get over, I'll spend tomorrow without worry, which is the best place to be, right?

Bennett {7 months}

noreply@blogger.com (Amy) — Tue, 19 Feb 2013 03:33:00 +0000

(I am almost caught up, woohoo!)

Oh man. Oh man. OH MAN.

What a month.

Oh my sweet Benny boy.

Seven months. It's been a hard few weeks for you my sweet boy. You got sick this month and when I say sick, boy you got sick! You started out with a cold. I took you to the doctor and low and behold, a double ear infection. Then, you got RSV and the awful stomach bug. It broke my heart to see you sick but you were such a sweet boy through it all. I was SO happy once I started seeing the BIG smiles again!

You had a REALLY rough time leaving mommy. It's also very hard on me as well knowing you are having a rough time but I hope it gets better soon, leaving you while you're in tears practically kills me. I think it's partly because you haven't felt good but separation anxiety is a new thing for me since well, your brother is Mr. Social. You, my sweetie, you're a little more reserved I think but we'll see how that sweet personality of yours continues to blossom. Your laugh. Oh, your laugh. It's a gentle chuckle that is sure to make anyone smile.

See, you mustered smiles for Momma even when you felt so sick. The nurses at Urgent Care (and the ER) mentioned how happy and sweet you were.

Likes: Mommy, crawling all over the place, big brother's toys, grabbing things that Brady is playing with, nursing, mommy's phone, playing games like peek-a-boo and patty cake, his family, being near everyone, snuggles, kisses, trying to stand, toys you can hold, puffs/

Dislikes: Being separated from mommy, sleeping for more than 30 minutes or sleeping without mommy, going anywhere without mommy, having your nose wiped, anything other than milk, taking medicine, being alone in a room. You still don't like being put in your car seat but once you get in there, you're usually fine. I found it kinda ironic that you didn't cry during your last bloodwork but sucking your nose out was torturous. Screaming, kicking, crying! You surely didn't enjoy that!

Yummies:
Well. This month hasn't been a good one for eating. When you got sick, you coughed A LOT which led to lots of gagging and a few choking incidents. Not fun. Then after you got the stomach flu, you stopped eating all foods. You wanted to nurse but nothing else. It's actually been hard to get ANYTHING else in you. Not even puffs. You gag and turn beet red, even on solids. Luckily, you are slowly starting to eat again but we had to start giving you some purees again, which is fine as long as you are eating!

You are still nursing and I don't see it stopping anytime. It's pretty funny though when you're REALLY hungry you practically nose bomb into my chest. It's so very sweet when as you nurse, you rub your hand on my arm or my chest. I will say it's NOT very sweet that you decided to play squeeze mommy's other boob while your nursing and I end up screaming in pain. As I'm screaming, you give me this sly little smile. Stinker!

Sleep: You had just started sleeping a bit better at night and then you got sick and things went south. The separation anxiety didn't help either. I believe you would love to be connected at all times. I hope things get a bit better once you are feeling more like yourself.

The last week of this month you have been a COMPLETELY different kid. You were happy at the sitters, still cried when I left but you even took a TWO hour nap there, which is amazing! You are full of smiles for everyone. It really amazed me so much that it makes me sad to know how bad you were really feeling. You were waking up after I put your to bed, 3-4 times before even 10 pm! You are finally sleeping through that again and hope to get things back on track!

You are such a ham. Your very silly and I see more of this part of your personality developing! You make the funniest little expressions and it makes me smile. You always, always light up when your brother walks by or tries to play with you. One of my favorite sounds you make is when you wake up and I come in the room to get you, this excited chuckle comes out of your mouth! It melts my heart every time to know how excited you get to see me.

Growth and Med stuff:
Oh, I have started calling you shortie because, well you are just so tiny! I feel like you've grown a lot this month and are starting to fit better into your 6-9 month clothes and you could fit into some 3-6 up until the end of the month. 6 month clothes are starting to get very tight on you and mommy retired the 6 month jammies too. Still in a size 3 diaper but I think we'll need to move up a size very soon. You seem so much longer to me lately but you are still very skinny with a little tiny belly and some ham hock thighs. I think your thighs are the ONLY big chunky spots and I love them. They (well, your entire body) is so very ticklish.

You had your follow up with the endocrinologist this month and it went well as you barely cried during bloodwork. I've found that distraction and a pretty nurse are key to this. You are such a little flirt! We did get a follow up saying your levels were back up again and we need to retest again soon to see if we need to up your meds which I think is expected with your massive growth the past two months! At the ER, you weighed a little over 16 pounds. Woot. Getting there buddy!

Milestones:
Pulling up to stand. YOu might be small but man, you surely are strong and determined.

First sickness.Not a fun first. Also first ER visit, not a fun one either.

Really started babbling more with the ba-ba and Da-Da! I think you are trying to say my name but it sounds more like a-ma. You only say it when you have woken up from a nap and want me or are hungry so either you name your milk or you are trying to say my name! I hope it's the latter!

Waved. Though, it was a few times but we'll see if it sticks!

I have to say, my little peanut, I held you SO much when you were sick and I looked down at you while you were peacefully sleeping and I just cannot believe how fast time is going. I feel like we just brought you home and here we are a few months shy of your first birthday. I really want to stop time and hold onto your a bit longer. I did tell Daddy that the only good part that came with the sicknesses was time was able to stop for a bit and I got to snuggle close all day with you. I was so glad you when you were better but I missed you more than ever when I went back to work. I just know how fast it goes and before you know it, you'll be potty training like your brother.

I love you to the moon and back. I love you to infinity and beyond and forever more.

Momma

A Balancing Act

noreply@blogger.com (Amy) — Thu, 14 Feb 2013 20:30:00 +0000

Someone said to me the other day, "I don't know how you do it."

I laughed.

The laundry is never done.

I always trip on at least one toy a day.

Brady knows his fair share of curse words thanks to those damn toys on the floor.

I have a long list of things that need to be done that don't get done.

My idea of working out is the dance I do after I step on one of their damn toys.

We eat a lot of sandwiches for dinner.

I could go on. The list always goes on.

Being a mom is hard enough and I thought I had adjusted to being a mom of two pretty well. That slapped me pretty harshly in the face when I went back to work.I remember it being rough when I went back after Brady was born and it one of the biggest hurdles I faced as a new mom. I thought it would be a bit rocky at first getting used to juggling another little one into the mix but it's been harder than I expected for different reasons. With Brady, it was getting used to the idea of having another little being to tend to instead of relaxing at home or going to the gym. This time around it is harder for different reasons. I mean it's obvious adding another little person is going to make things a little harder to adjust to but then you add in the fact that you need time for well baby visits, his endocrinologist, lab work and you know, the whole taking care of two kids thing. Then, the holiday's hit and then the sicknesses started and things spiraled into pure chaos. I've missed a lot of work since I've been back which has left me WAY behind and very stressed. Lots of little things have piled up and my to-do lists are daunting and never ending.

I'm lucky my job is flexible to meet my family's needs but I have to say it doesn't make it easy and my work load is still just as heavy. My work week is a scheduled (but flexible on when) 42.5 hours and adding in drive time that probably hits it well over 50. I try not to work late but there are times it's a necessary evil. The flexibility is what keeps me there but as a social worker, my job is very stressful. I'm surely overworked and grossly underpaid. I'm not wanting to start a stay-at-home vs working moms debate and I know both have their ups and downs. I find myself struggling lately and I'm sure part of it is because I'm just so behind in every aspect of life because of everything in life but that is.....well, life!

When I'm at work, I'm thinking about the kids. Worrying if Benny's crying all day (which many times he does and that is probably the hardest thing, ever.) Praying they don't pick up another virus. Worry that they will eat/sleep/etc well that day. Wonder what the heck I'm going to feed everyone because I either need to go to the grocery store or I didn't thaw anything out. The list goes on.

When I'm at home, I'm good about not working when I'm at home but work is always in the back of my head, especially after a rough or stressful day. It's hard not to shake the stress sometimes and while yes, the sweet snuggles of my babies helps, it doesn't always magically make it disappear!

I find it hard to be just one person at a time. I can't just be Mommy. I can't just be the 'employee.' Can't I just be Amy because there is no set definition to who she is and who she is, well, that is up to me.

I think that it's what makes being a working mom the hardest. Picking a role isn't possible. My kids ALWAYS come first yet I have to be on time to work. I have to show up without spit-up or some other stain from my kids on my pants. I have to be professional yet I find myself talking to my 3 year old in the car on the way too a meeting about poop.

Then, there is the house. The perfectionist in me wants it to be clutter free and the dishes done. I have a hard time actually relaxing and I find that I need to be busy all the time. I know I don't have to be but I struggle with this a lot.

I can only describe being a working mom as a balancing act. I used see it more as a juggling act but as a mom, we juggle a lot in life but it's more than that. It's about finding balance amidst chaos. You can't juggle more than you can handle but you can create your own meaning of balance. It doesn't have to be a perfect definition. It doesn't even need to be defined.

I haven't found that perfect blend of balance yet. I'm working on it but until then I'll be the one with the messy house, the smear of baby food in my hair and the one who needs to be reminded about everything because lets be honest, I can't remember crap anymore.

Catch up.

noreply@blogger.com (Amy) — Thu, 07 Feb 2013 04:49:00 +0000

Right now, I'm pretty pumped it is no longer January. It was a rough month with sicknesses and February is a step closer to Spring. I just wish Spring wasn't a step closer to a certain little boy's birthday! I know it was a crazy month and we lost almost two weeks with the plague but I can't believe January is long gone. I swear I blinked and another month is over!

Since my last post, things got more chaotic and I was pretty sure I was close to losing my mind--another Urgent Care visit for Benny, breathing treatments and then a lovely ER visit. I think the good thing about all the visits in January is our deductible is met (or at least close to!)

Last Sunday, Ben started throwing up. I thought it was from coughing but then it kept happening. It was awful. At one point, he just couldn't stop, it was like he could hardly catch his breath between and once it was like he was going to pass out! He was so worn out, poor guy! Then, he started throwing up bright green. I kinda started to worry since he wasn't even acting like himself and then it changed colors. I called the exchange and being that he was only throwing up for a short time, they were concerned and wanted him to be seen. I was a mess. Poor Blake was sick himself so I was worried about driving with him in the backseat alone but luckily, he didn't throw up on the way to the hospital but started up as I pulled in and as we walked inside. They did x-rays to make sure there was no blockage (which they said could explain the neon puke!) and luckily, it was okay. As he was getting the xray, all I could picture in my head was the millions of things that he could have eaten but with Blake sick too, I knew he had a virus! We tried to get some Pedialyte in him but he refused it. I joked that it was probably the most expensive bottle I'll ever pay for but after some Zolfran, you could just tell he was feeling better which after a week of sicknesses, the poor baby deserved some relief. He must have some buff antibodies now right?

Thanks to the antibiotic and the stomach bug, we then dealt with a food strike. He wouldn't eat anything that didn't come out of a nipple! He despised the antibiotic (for the ear infections) and would look at me in horror as I tried to give it to him! When he would eat anything (except for milk,) he would gag on it sometimes it was so bad I considered giving him the Heimlich. We are finally (as in the past two days) getting to the point where he will eat purees again without gagging. I feel like at this point with Brady, he was eating all kinds of stuff and here were are, back at square one again.

Food stuff. That's the small stuff. I'm just so happy to see him smiling and happy again.

Look, I got the real camera out! Oh and Yep. Still no toofies either. I think Brady got his first one at 8 months so I'm sure it's coming!

In between the sickies, I decided potty training was happening! He is doing pretty well peeing in the potty but well, the other part might take a while! I will say, potty training sucks. It's not fun, it's messy and it just sucks. Brady is so funny about it. Every time he has to pee, he screams, 'I'm about to pee!' It's crazy how grown up they seem once they are in undies. Sniff.

We heard from the Endo that Benny's levels were a bit off so we need to retest him to see if we need to up his meds. Yipee. Great timing, being that he is supposed to have surgery this month, which can't happen if he is still testing hypo (meaning his meds are needing to be adjusted due to his growth!) Boo. We'll find out this week if we need to reschedule or not.

With the sicknesses, I've missed a lot of work so I barely have time at work to do anything but work. Ben was of course, held a lot more since he was so sick for so long and it's not helping his severe attachment to me! I'm not kidding you. It's freak out city if I walk out of the room and as soon as I walk towards the door, the crying starts. He's had some rough days even at Nana's and at the sitter's which sucks to know your kid cries most of the day. It sucks more so when you know all he wants is you. These are things you have no idea how much they suck till you are there. The poor sitter deserves a medal for taking good care of him, I swear. I love that he loves me so much but I can't wait for him to be able to relax a bit without me! Sigh.I guess I'll just plan on going to college with him. I hope his wife won't mind living with us too! I just hope he decides that he can sleep at bit better by then!

Through all of the crazies, I had a brief panic attack realizing my baby is almost 8 months old. He started pulling up recently and I feel like his first year is flying by. I need it to slow down. I desperately need it to slow down.

Gosh. I know I said this on IG and I have to say it again. After all the sicknesses, after the long days at work worrying if Bennett's still crying and the lack of sleep, I see this. I see these two and everything just instantly feels better. I smile and I am reminded, life is good.

The daycare plague

noreply@blogger.com (Amy) — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 03:51:00 +0000

The past few weeks? Hardly no blogging, Google reader is behind in epic proportions and I think the only pictures I have taken were with my phone. I love instagram but I need to get my real camera out soon! Why the craziness? One simple explanation. Daycare.

Three weeks ago, my boys started going to an in-home daycare three days a week! I was so happy I found someone, plus she is literally down the street, less than FIVE minutes away. There are very few kids that go and I thought this would be perfect! I knew they would be sick more often and catch things they normally haven't since well, we have been SO lucky so far and Brady has hardly been sick in the past 3 years. Lucky. Spoiled.

The first week, he got a cold. The cold got better but the cough lingered for a while.

Thursday, I picked him up and he was super cranky which I blamed on the fact that he hadn't napped. Friday, he wasn't himself. He had gotten up at 4:30 am and never went back to sleep so we thought some of his behavior was due to being up all day and not napping. If you have a toddler, you get how bad that can get and know exactly what I mean.

Here is where it started sucking. Things got scary. He was talking weird and doing this odd thing with his eyes, almost like they were going to roll back into his eyes. We literally thought it was because of exhaustion because what 3 year old gets up at 4 am and doesn't crash at some point?
He didn't fell warm then but when I put him to bed a while later, I decided to take his temp and low and behold he had a fever. 102. Needless to say, he ended up in bed with me.

He woke up Saturday morning in good spirits but that quickly changed and as the day went on and the scary stuff started again. I took his temp and it was 104.5! I decided to take him to Urgent Care thinking he had bronchitis or something. After a two hour wait and a negative strep test, they told us they were treating him for Strep. Um, Ok? We could call in a few days for the culture but looking at his symptoms, she was sure it was strep.

After a few does of the antibiotic, he was back to his old self!

Then, last night, after going back and forth, I sent him to the sitters for a while. He was a whiny mess when I picked him up since he didn't nap and fell asleep on the couch for a short time. He woke up in hysterics. I looked at him and his face was bright red and he looked off. I tried to get some food in him and all he wanted was his jammies on and head to bed. I took his shirt off and noticed his entire body was covered in an awful rash. A million things ran through my mind and I called the doctor's exchange. I had a feeling it was the antibiotic. I just knew. Luckily, even though the rash was awful, he wasn't having trouble breathing or anything and made an appointment for them to come in the next day.

Yep. Momma was right. It wasn't a strep rash, in fact, he didn't even have strep! Whatever it was, he was definitely allergic to the antibiotic Urgent Care prescribed! Poor Benny's ear were both infected, which I knew something was up with him and noticed he was pulling at one of his ears. I was sure we were going to miss out on the whole ear infection thing but low and behold, here were are.

So....antibiotics for you, you, and YOU! Just don't give Brady any Keflex or any of those in that family.

Things I've learned about sick kids.
Even my kid who is not really that cuddly, wants nothing more than that when he's sick. He even wanted to hold my hand while he slept.
Wine is never enough.
Lots of coffee is definitely not enough.

Germs suck.
Seeing your babies that sick is scary, sad, heartbreaking and so much more.
Fever Bugz are awesome. (I found them at Walgreens.)

The health of my babies is nothing ever to take for granted.

The time I lived without a kitchen.

noreply@blogger.com (Amy) — Mon, 14 Jan 2013 14:00:00 +0000

I lived through a kitchen remodel with two kids. I can say that. On that note, regardless of what happens and how much I love how it looks now, I'm not sure I would go through that again! It was rough!

I'm not sure what was harder, the constant crap lying around that usually was stored in the kitchen, having my coffee maker in my living room or having to do dishes in the bathroom! Doing dishes? I will just say, I'm so thankful for modern conveniences!

Oh, way back when Ben was not even 2 month old, we had a pipe break in our kitchen. Ugh. Not cool. Not fun to wake up to. I didn't think it was that big of a deal, till I noticed our nice beautiful hardwood floor that wasn't even three years old, buckled and warped. All I could think of was one dirty word, MOLD. Yep. I think of those things.

Four months later, we have a new kitchen. Who knew that ordering cabinets and counters was such a process. I swear it took FOREVER.

Here is the crappy before pictures. Yep, I feel the need to let you know this. My kitchen is not this messy EVER. I would die. If there is one room in the house that is always clean, it's my kitchen. Dishes in the sink gives me anxiety. Anyway, back to this mess. We had to clear it all out FAST....as in it was 8:00 pm and it was all being ripped out in the am. So, it wasn't a pretty or organized process. I will say how badly I regretted that from then on.

I couldn't find anything. I still have things I can't figure out where the heck they went or and have boxes in the garage I don't have time to sort through.

It's not easy to see here but the wall that the fridge was jammed into was knocked down and brought out a few inches. This literally was a few inches and gave me what I needed, a pantry!

In this process, I only wanted two things.

1. More space. Our house is stuffed to the brims with baby and kid stuff and our kitchen, well, it's small. No cabinet space. Tall or large things? Ha. No room. There is no drawer space either.

2. A pantry. My coat closet down the hall was my makeshift pantry. How sad is that? I wanted a real life pantry.

Ok, I lied. I wanted it to be pretty! The cabinets were just hideous. I had painted them after we got married and it helped but they were falling apart in some places and my paint job could have been better.

We boosted up the cabinets from 30' to 42'! We never used the top of the cabinets for any decorative reasons anyway and we could use the storage space. It was one of the best decisions and where I put the things I never use.

When we had talked about doing this, I had a whole other picture in mind. White cabinets, dark floors. We changed the cabinet color because of cost and little dirty fingers. I really loved my white cabinets but after remembering how much I complained about how dirty they got, I was okay with the darker ones (which not only kept us in budget but gave room in it for my favorite thing in the kitchen-the backsplash!)

Enough talk.

The after:

I originally wanted a dark floor but I am so glad we went with the lighter floor. It lightens and makes the space look so much bigger! We squeezed the pantry in on the right side and built the fridge so it didn't stick out. Another perk? The cabinets above the fridge line up with the edge of the fridge! I can reach them! It's the small things, people.

The backsplash was a last minute add on and I have to say, it makes the whole kitchen. I am just in love with it and it brings it all together. I never knew you could love tile so much!

The new sink is amazing too. Who knew what I was missing out on with an under mount huh? It's life changing and I do dishes with a smile. Most of the time, that is.

I wish I had thought of taking a bit more pictures before it was all ripped out but I have to tell you about our sink. If I hated something in that kitchen, the sink was it. The facet? Oh, my word. Well, it's actually one. Wood-grain. Yep. Wood-grain on the facet handles.

I think I shed a tear when it was ripped out. Don't worry, they were tears of pure joy!

To my boys

noreply@blogger.com (Amy) — Thu, 03 Jan 2013 14:00:00 +0000

I wrote this a few weeks ago and finally getting around to publishing it. My reaction to the Newton shooting was like many moms and the nation. I was in shock and my heart hurt. I wrapped my arms around my kid and thanked God for allowing me to hold them. I can say if anything, it made the world stop around me and I left the dishes in the sink and let the laundry go. I think too it opened my eyes to the world we live in and the scary things in this world. As a mom, there are a lot of scary things in the world and it's the hardest thing as a mom to know you can't protect your kids from it all. I do my best to show my kids the beauty in the world and shield them from the scary stuff but I know the time that I can do that is fleeting. I can't imagine the pain that these families are going through and the ones who lived through it will face. I can hope we can make this world a better place for our kids and I will do what I can to fight for it. I just wish that was a simple task but I can tell you one thing, I will do what I can to make it that way but until I can control that other stuff, I will love each day more. I think that if anything, we can honor those sweet kids by playing more and being more present in each day.

To my sweet boys.

Today, you are both small, though Brady, you always tell me you are big. Sometimes, you will say you're a big boy baby when you want more of that attention Benny seems to steal from you but in this big world, you are both so very small.

So very naive.

So very innocent.

The past few nights, I let you (Brady) fall asleep in my bed and I've carried you to your room. I literally stopped in my tracks. You're grown so big and my arms can no longer wrap around you completely. I look down at Bennett sleeping peacefully and remember how tiny you used to be and wonder when he stopped being a tiny newborn. I flashed back to the times when I rocked you and held you closely like I do now with Bennett. I sat down with you and just held you closely while you were sleeping peacefully and took in your sweet scent.

I prayed. I prayed for 20 babies and 6 heroes and a mom who I'm sure loved her son as I do you boys. I prayed for peace. I prayed for you to just let me hold you just a bit longer and for time to slow down just a bit more.

You see, there are times when life in this big world is hard. You'll learn as you grow older that there are scary things in this world besides those monsters and ghosts you find yourself afraid of. (They are always green, you say) You'll learn that sadness is more than not getting that new toy you wanted so badly while we were at the 'little store' (Target.) You'll learn that people can hurt your heart and that you can hurt in ways you never knew possible.

In that same respect, my sweet boys, I want you to always remember that there is SO much beauty. So much love. So much joy and happiness. The world is full of so many good things.

When things get scary or you need some comfort, remember that. Remember that it's everywhere.

It's in the small things and lives in the hearts of children and in the souls of their parents. It's in your laughter and in your smile. It's in the photographs we keep and in the people we meet. The beauty of the sky and the serenity of flowing waves. Sometimes, you have to weather the storm to find that rainbow. As cliche as it sounds, it's more than true.

I'll be honest, I want to shield you from all the 'bad' stuff forever and keep you in a bubble of trains, cars, cookies and milk. I wish we could keep the innocence you carry so beautifully. I wish I could wrap you in a bubble to keep you from getting hurt and keep your body healthy for eternity.

I've always heard before you were born that when you become a parent, you wear your heart on your sleeve. Truth is, your heart does more than that. It walks, talks and every single day you worry about it. You love more with it than every thought possible and it makes me want to hold you tight and never let you go. I want to keep you safe in my arms and keep you small enough to protect from all the evils of the world. Truth is, I can't do that and I'll be honest, that scares me so much but I can't focus on what we can't do.

What I can do is love each moment.

Play more.

Always say, 'I love you!'

I can show you how important it is to treat others kindly, without judgement.

I can show you to be thankful for what we have and to work hard for what you want.

I can show you that family always comes first and has varying definitions.

I can show you that life isn't about what we have, it's about who we have with us.

I can work hard to teach you that life is a gift and to appreciate the small things in life.

That it's okay to cry and to be affectionate to those you love.

I can't promise you life will be easy or without hardship but I can promise that will love you with every fiber of my being and you will always have a place in our home.

Six {Bennett}

noreply@blogger.com (Amy) — Thu, 03 Jan 2013 04:16:00 +0000

Oh Boy.

Six months, huh?

Half a year?

Nope. NO way.

Oh, Benny boy. I really need the next six to go by much slower!

Likes: Being on the move, toys, eating big boy food, grabbing things, playing with your brother and his toys, being awake, being near Mommy, being with other people, staring at people, mommy's phone, anything big brother has in his hand, grabbing mommy's hair and face.

Dislikes: Naps. Being left alone. Diaper changes.

Sleep: Well, it's not good but it's not awful. He has some nights he'll sleep really well and others where it just sucks. Lately, he has been getting up between 3-4 and restless for the rest of the night/morning and we end up tossing and turning together. He starts the first stretch out in the pack n play and then the rest of the night in our bed. I think he needs to go to his room to get better sleep, really but we need to get a new window first. Having not really used his room before he started using it, well, it's VERY cold. So, as soon as it's replaced, he's going to start being a big boy in his OWN bed.

I love seeing how their relationship grows. Brady loves him to pieces and Ben still looks at him like he hung the moon. I can see lots of trouble in my future.

Yummies: Still nursing. We hit the SIX month mark and I'm so happy. I have relaxed a bit about it but we are still doing strong. He LOVES solids. I mean loves. We actually started with some cereal and avocados a week or so before he actually turned six months. He was SO ready. The first bite, he smiled and I knew he was going to love it. I debated on cereal for a long time but ended up going for it. I figure the more I can get him to eat, the better. I know this age it's not really about nutrition but Momma needs to fatten him up and fast! He's eating a mix of purees I made, some jarred purees and some BLW. His idea of feeding himself is to squeeze the heck out of his food and then put it in his mouth. He's pretty good at it and I see the pincher grasp developing! He is so funny though, before I even get to sit near him with his food and as soon as he sees a spoon, his mouth is open.

I joked that he was such a clean eater but once he realized the spoon had food on it, he started getting grabby, which then made for a messy experience. He sure does look cute though.

Growth: Still tiny. Sigh. Double sigh. At his six month visit, he was 14 pounds 2 ounces and 26.5 inches long. I didn't even bother to ask where he was percentile wise. Just don't wanna know but his doctor said he's doing great, growing well but that percentile gets me especially since Brady was such a chunk. I still go back and forth on my freak outs about his weight but try not to worry. I think I've worried more this month because he is supposed to have surgery and the anesthesiologist recommends babies be at least 15 pounds. Sigh, which means I might delay it another month to give him time to chunk up a bit just for my own peace of mind. I've called the doctor to see what they think and we'll go from there but momma instinct says, 'Let's wait'' then again, Momma doesn't wanna do it at all. I do think, him being so active now is going against us in this battle but the important thing is he is growing. He's just a little guy.

Medical stuff:

We set the Endocrinologist later this month and supposed to have surgery on the 24th but that may be delayed till next month. Sigh. Busy month for that stuff that Mommy doesn't like. We did bloodwork last week and I have the most amazing little boy. You see that Benny? You rock. I was a bit nervous because I usually take you to the Children's Hospital (after the last bad experience at the lab where they poked you THREE times) but needed to get in and out quicker so we went to the one by our house. I was SO nervous when the tech saw it was YOU that needed blood taken and she had the other tech hold your arm while I held you.

Not a peep. Not a single one. You started at that girl and oogled at her. I just about cried for you because it made my heart SO happy. I have such a soft spot for you that bloodwork kills me every single time.

Milestones:

I'm just going to call it and say he is 'crawling.' It's a half crawl/half scoot kinda thing but the kid gets where he wants and fast. He goes from the crawling position to sitting back to his side and all over the place. I've learned it's much harder the 2nd time around when baby's get mobile because of all the stuff that kid #1 leaves around and eats. You can't really take your eyes off the baby!

Solids! I would say that is a big deal! He's really enjoying it. I love this age SO much. Love it.

Sitting is getting more and more sturdy. I would say you can sit most of the time without toppling over but occasionally get too excited and fall over, which is funny because he can mostly crawl but sitting is still a bit wobbly.

Well, they are surely related. Brady had a little more hair and more chunk! I forgot Brady had that little mohawk of hair for the longest time and started getting a ton around 8-9 months and I think Ben will be the same way.

I just can't believe we are halfway to a year. It makes me so sad to think it's gone by so fast but our family is perfect with him in our lives. I just wish I could find a way to freeze time for a while. I love this age so much and not ready for it to be over.

Five {Bennett}

noreply@blogger.com (Amy) — Wed, 02 Jan 2013 03:36:00 +0000

I'm totally behind again! I have a ton of posts coming, I think I'm finally getting caught up. Benny, I promise you I didn't forget you, life is just so busy with two kids, the holidays and working full time my dear!

Oh, Benny! Where did this month go? I swear, you were just born!

Five months, my boy. Time really needs to slow down but I say that every month but it seems to go by faster with time!

Likes: Grabbing things, I mean everything and everything, nursing, watching people, exersaucer, watching his Big bro, putting anything in your mouth, playing with your footsies, grabbing/holding your bottle when Daddy feeds you, being kissed and tickled, being held, playing peek-a-boo, laughing, going places, playing with toys, sitting in your highchair like a big boy and rolling around on the floor.

Seriously. He loves his brother. Fascinated and enthralled by all that he does.

Dislikes: Naps. Being left alone. Diaper changes.

Sleep: He's been taking epic naps for Daddy, as in 2-4 hour naps. With mommy on the weekends, not the greatest naps but better. Sleep at night has had some good stretches but a few rough nights here and there. I would say there is definitely room for improvement but I'll take what I can get at this point. You are moving more and more into a set schedule for naps and I'm sure the holidays will mess all that up! You are sleeping in your OWN bed for naps though which is huge, go Benny! You have also started sleeping on your belly and I think to be honest that is the biggest thing in why you're sleeping so much better at naptime!

Yummies: Still nursing. Drinks about 2-3 bottles while I'm at work and when I'm home nurses every 3-4 hours. Overnight, he tends to eat before bed around 7-8 and has been waking again around 10-11 (which wasn't happening when I was on leave, sigh) and sleeps till 2-3 and then again when I get up to get ready for work between 5-6. Not ideal but it's working for now and at this point with Brady, I was obsessed with getting him to STTN (well, and his sleep was WAY worse at this point!) but we'll get there.

Growth: Still tiny. Sigh. I was thinking he was between 14-15 pounds but we'll see at his six month visit. He wears anywhere from 3-6 to 6 (some 6-9 too) month clothes and size 2-3 diapers. He's got some chunky thighs and what we call man boobs! Sorry, Ben.

Nicknames: We have so many names for you! Bennett, Benny, Boo-Boo, Boo-Bear, Bubba, bubba bear, Ben. Sometimes, we get crazy and combine them and call you Benny Boo-boo bear!

Milestones:
I'm not sure if you've done this or we are just noticing but you respond to your name when we call you!

You scoot! You generally only go from one small area to another but you get there. You'll reach for a toy if you drop it.

Tripoding. Not sturdy but you're able to sit supported between 1-30 seconds. Your brother thinks it's pretty funny when you face plant. You are getting better at sitting but not yet mastered it without falling after a while.

Bathtime is more fun for you! You've started loving bathtime, kicking and laughing. You love to splash now too.

Raising your arms: You sometimes will lift your arms up when you see me, like, 'hey! Pick me up!' It's super cute.

What I call the banging stage. You take toys and bang them on the high chair, the floor, exercauser, you name t. Your hands too. You really get into playing boy!

Rocking on you hands and knees! Oh, boy. I told you I wasn't ready for this.

Oh, sweet boy, I have to say, it's been a good month! You've seem to have really grown up and are such a sweet, happy boy. I love you to pieces!

A day of Silence

noreply@blogger.com (Amy) — Tue, 18 Dec 2012 14:00:00 +0000