I have noticed something sorta, kinda, what-I-think is weird about me and my relationship with my new last name

When I transitioned,

My first name and last name were both changed.

And acclimating to my new first name took some time:

Seemed like it took me forever to stop turning in response upon hearing my Version 1.0 name being called out to someone else;

And it felt as if it took just as long to get me to respond to my Version 2.0 name if I had even the slightest of Coors Light buzzes.

Though with the passage of time,

My new first name has become second nature,

And my old one foreign.

But now,

I have noticed something sorta, kinda, what-I-think is weird about me and my relationship with my new last name.

Seems like whenever someone asks me if I’m related to someone with my new last name, I say …

“No” way too quickly.

Krazy quickly.

Borderline rude.

Kinda snappish.

I swear, a couple of times I didn’t even wait for them to finish identifying of whom they are asking before I offered a curt …

“No, I’m not.”

Granted, I suppose a little impatience is understandable, since I do know the answer:

I’m just not related to anyone with my new last name regardless of whether they are from East Town, West Side, North Shore, South Bama,

Or anywhere else.

But though understandable, I certainly don’t think even a little impatience is appropriate,

Since the question is asked with friendly interest.

And as I do like conversing with pholks,

It doesn’t make much sense that I would suddenly develop an impatience issue because of this simple query.

Likewise,

I don’t think my impatience with such a question has anything to do with having to create a surname past on the fly,

As I’m usually pretty good about feigning whatever needs to be feigned when responding to questions of Amy-History.

Instead,

I think my impatience with the question is because when the answer to such a question is always “No“,

One never gets the opportunity to enjoy a comfort feel of family identity when you are able to say,

Claim,

That someone is your grandfather, grandmother, dad, mom, brother, sister, aunt, uncle, cousin,

Etc.

So I think the unexpected impatience I display in such a situation is that I am reacting to the question in the same manner as I do to the slight discomfort to removing a super adhesive bandage,

Just rip if off quickly to get it over.

I can be such a tool at times.

Anyways,

Now that I have created a reasonably acceptable rationalization, at least to me, for my unexpected impatience,

I will henceforth add some pause,

And exhibit thoughtful recollection,

As I contemplate whether or not I am related to whomever such an inquiry is about.

Oh, for those wondering …

Wait

Ponder

Reflect

“No, I’m not.“

It is worthy.

Likewise, I absolutely love the City of Denver.

Very Book.

However, when it comes to the Denver International Airport (DEN) …

I am so not a fan.

It’s not the people there that have caused my disdain,

They are always pleasant as one could be in such an environment.

Likewise, it’s not the John Holmes, phreakishly long lines at the security checkpoint.

Nope.

Annoying, yes, but they move faster than one would expect.

(Tip – if you are flying Frontier out of A Terminal, take the Bridge to A, the wait for security there is not bad at all.)

It’s not even the irksome flight schedules one has to deal with when flying home on a west to east trajectory which require you to be at DEN for an early flight shortly after the bars close the previous day,

Or for the late flight,

A few minutes before midnight the next day.

Heck, one would think I would love DEN because of the whole alien conspiracy story thing it has going,

Not to mention the civic pride I have because it was my hometown peeps that were brought in to solve their original baggage delivery system dork-up when the airport was first built.

Yay Hometown.

I do concede,

A little bit of my issue with DEN is because I think associating it with Denver is a bit misleading considering it was built so far from Denver that it is actually in Utah.

Seriously.

Though I really do suspect the real source for the sore spot I have for DEN is because of the fake Rocky Mountain snow tops positioned above the terminal,

And parking lots,

And exit gates,

Right behind Blucifer.

For some reason,

Whenever I see them …

I get annoyed.

It might be because when I do see them …

The first thing I think of is …

Circus tent.

Which does not inspire aviation confidence in one,

At least not in this one.

Weird,

I know.

*shrug*

However,

I mention this because …

The gods of Irony still do like to amuse themselves with the comings and goings in my life,

As I have spent more time in DEN waiting for flights,

Than  I have in every other airport of the world …

Combined.

And soon,

I will once again be spending a bunch of time in DEN,

Waiting for the late flight which leaves a few minutes before midnight the next day,

Because,

My friend TroopLeader and I are meeting up at DEN,

Tripping to Estes Park, Colorado,

And going ghost hunting at The Stanley Hotel.

Yikes !!!

(I’m a complete wimp when it comes to such things, so I’m betting that I will end up spending every night sleeping in the rental car, too scared to stay in any of the rooms there.)

Though considering I’m going to be spending upwards of a day again at DEN in the near future,

At least Amynews.com will be getting some love.

vacuum vacuum vacuum

dust dust dust

WHAT A MESS !

It’s a dust bunny haven here. My gawd, what is that … a spiderweb high rise ? Who is in-charge of this place ? Someone needs to tell her to get her as….. Oh wait, that’s right !

It’s hard to believe it’s been a year since my last post. I’d say I have every intention of posting regularly, because I do, but actions speak louder than words, so we’ll see how that plays out. And  in an effort to pop back into things, I am going to try punching out shorter posts in a stream of consciousness sort of manner.

But, in the meantime, to all who have written and continue to pop in from time to time … Thank You ! I cannot express how much it means to me, makes me smile (and yes, sometimes cringe ), when I see a comment or receive an e-mail from you. Life is life and sometimes it is a pain in the bejeebers, but receiving a shout-out from you has, more than once, come at just the right time to enthuse me when I needed some enthusing. So again, Thank You ! Please don’t take my lack of activity here as a sign of disrespect to you. I’m sorry a year has passed since I’ve shared anything, it is inexcusable.

No?

Seriously?

I haven’t?

Well then …

To begin,

It’s not an entirely accurate statement that …

I got the living krap kicked out of me in a chick fight.

I didn’t really.

Technically speaking,

I got the living phucking krap kicked out of me in a chick fight.

Total,

Complete …

Annihilation.

Krazy, I’m tellin’ ya.

No, No, Nooooooo !!!

My dear boy viewers …

Stop that right now !!!

Slowly,

… Gradually,

…… Discretely,

Lift your hand and place it back on the keyboard.

I’m not talking about the kind of chick fight where …

Women-folk scratch and claw one another,

Pull hair,

Tear off tops,

Fall into mud,

And eventually end up making out with one another.

Ohhhh !

… Oohhhhhhh !!

…… Ooohhhhhhhhhhhh !!!

Nope,

Definitely not that type of chick fight.

The type of chick fight I’m talking about is …

The one where one woman,

Or group of women,

Assert a …

Moral,

Intellectual, or

Societal standing,

Superiority over another woman.

One of those “I’m better than you” kinda fights …

Where women go no holds barred …

To make sure the …

Alleged,

Accused,

Asserted …

Less moral, less intelligent, or lower class standing chica is well aware of the identified differences between them and is thoroughly …

Degraded,

Beaten, and

Humiliated.

So not fun.

Now I know,

You’re probably saying, “But Amy-wan, you’re a Jedi … how could you have gotten the living krap kicked out you in a …”

“No, no“, I’d interrupt, “That’s not what I said.”

“Oh, you’re right,” you would correct and rephrase,

“I meant .. but Amy-wan, you’re a Jedi … how could you have gotten the living phucking krap kicked out of you in a chick fight?”

Well kiddos,

It’s simple.

I was unprepared.

One of the down sides of not growing up natal,

In addition to the whole just going through the motions, being internally miserable at best, and not even coming close to living life things,

Yo,

Is that I was totally klueless when it came to the whole chick fighting scene.

I didn’t know the warning signs that a chick fight was developing,

That I was in peril,

Who would have my back,

And most importantly,

How to defend myself.

Heck,

I was so klueless that …

Not only did I get the living phucking krap kicked out of me,

But I was actually in two separate chick fights at the same time.

And to make matters worse,

I was not even aware I was in either chick fight until it was too late,

And I laid broken and bloodied from both.

“Ummm … could use a little help here. Ow !”

On a scale of 1 – 10 …

It sucked.

Anyways,

I learned a few things from the experience,

And consistent with the whole theme of sharing my life here so others can learn from my mistakes,

I’m not an example, I’m a warning !

This Chick Fight mini-series covers the Uno, Dos, and Tres of what I learned from the experience.

Peace be with you.

This post is the first in a series of five (1 of 5). As each of the posts are published, the links below will go live. And contrary to most of my mini-series, the only post that I have yet to complete is Aftermath, meaning it’s my plan to post one a day in successive days. Enjoy. She shoots, she scores !

Chick Fight – The Boxed Set

Chick Fight – Initiation
Chick Fight – Lesson Uno
Chick Fight – Lesson Dos
Chick Fight – Lesson Tres
Chick Fight – Aftermath

Being how it’s been phreaking eons since I’ve posted.

What do I do? What do I do? What do I do!

Do I post and tell you about the new man in my life?

Do I finish my press conference?

Do I bring you up to speed on this year’s version of the bowling team?

Do I tell you about how, two years after I thought of the funny line, I was finally asked the question in the correct way so I could use it?

And whether they laughed?

Maybe I should downer things a bit and talk about the trials and tribulations of life?

I guess I could share what it’s like now that I’ve finally lost my baby shower virginity?

Or maybe I should get the show on the road by rattling on about the things I did this summer?

Just so many things from which to choose !

I’m rendered almost …

Indecisive.

Not like me at all,

Yo?

Truth be told,

I had finished a post that was going to be my first post back,

It was a moderately funny,

Informative,

And surprisingly topical,

As I’ve received several questions on the topic of late.

But after it was all said and done,

I really didn’t want a post that had a chance …

Of being front page and center for months on AmyNews,

As goodness knows that is always a possibility with me,

Being a discussion of my breasts.

Seriously,

They are focal point enough.

Anyways,

Last night I decided that once I have a bunch of posts up and running again on a consistent basis,

I’ll toss up the breast post among the mix,

But for now,

I’m going to try and soften up any frustrations that may be had because of my lack of postage,

By introducing you to the new man in my life …

Jedi Dog of Tango Kabuki

Everyone,

This is Jedi Dog of Tango Kabuki,

(Friends and family just call him Dog),

And Dog,

This is everyone !

Isn’t he adorable !!! Strong in the Ways of The Force, he is !

Oh yeah,

And this past summer I:

1. Saw Neil Diamond
2. Didn’t see Barack Obama when he was across the street from the AmyCave
3. Didn’t see Hillary Clinton when she was down the street from the AmyCave
4. Didn’t see John McCain when he was down the street from the AmyCave
5. Found myself on google maps – street view
6. Made out with someone I thought was a pirate
7. Saw Def Leppard for the 39th time
8. Played golf with Cousin Golfer, losing the annual golf challenge once again (he’s good)
9. After much experimentation, developed a drink I call “The AmyTini“
10. Adopted Jedi Dog of Tango Kabuki
11. Worked my butt off
12. Cut over 1/2 foot from the length of my hair
13. Had an incredibly, krazy 4th of July
14. Torn it down hard celebrating Sister’s birthday

That’s pretty much it for the summer.

And as far as this year’s bowling team,

I’m going with a Scooby-Doo theme this year,

Calling us Mystery, Inc.

• The Mystery Machine is played by Big Momma’s Bus;
• Fred is played by Bikes Are Dangerous (yes, there’s a story behind that name);
• Daphne is played by Singer;
• Shaggy is played by D-Lo;
• Velma is played by yours truly, Amy-Wan Kenobi;
• And starring in the role of Scooby-Doo is Bruce Lee.

(Shaft has made some guest appearances. Sister and Miss Daisy check-in via phone on occasion)

I almost forgot, this past summer, I also started listing out the …

Reasons Why I’m Weird:

So far, the list includes:

1. I never wear matching earrings. Ever.
2. I do a low, subtle hand gesture as if my Jedi skills are opening doors when I walk into any location with automatic doors.
3. I do the same thing at cross walk signals as I try to time my stride just right.

I suppose you also could add to the list that I actually did spend one Saturday morning at Startbucks scouring Google Maps – Street View to see if I could find myself.

Hope ya’ll are doing great !!!