So what is my answer when people ask “How is your leg”? To most people, the answer I give is “80% good”, to a few it’s “not so good”, but to me, I walk around carrying a world of hurt. It’s probably the worst thing that has happened in my life (which doesn’t count bad things that happened to other people that affected me). It’s a constant irritant, it hurts in a nagging way whenever I walk, I hesitate at every road crossing, uneven surface and look jealousy at people who run without care. I’m making progress though, because I’ve just managed to try kneeling this week, which isn’t as painful as it once was. I worry that it’s always going to feel like I have to treat my knee with kid gloves but I’m hoping that it will be stronger than the unbroken leg now I’m rocking the robo 2.0 version.

I’m not beauty conscious but I flit between being angry I have this ugly big scar down my leg to thinking it’s a cool thing that gives me character – it shows I’m at least living a little bit. I plan on getting a tattoo of the Vespa key on it just to make sure it’s obvious what the cause was.

Mentally, I hate all cars, I hate anyone that has no patience for pedestrians and I’m a really bad car driver now too. I’m also a really really bad passenger, so generally my preference is to stick to buses and trains. The great thing about returning to public transport though is I have to walk a lot more now, which gets me outdoors and exercising. I’m not angry at the lady who drove the car that caused the accident as I understand that people make lapses in judgement, I just wish that people understood that cars deserve respect and attention when driving them. Yes, I do want to ride scooters again, no I haven’t just yet.

In terms of my life I’ve come to some realizations – which I guess is expected when an event like this happens to you. Spending so much time indoors while recovering has made me want to get outdoors more. Why am I spending what is essentially my youth in an office while there is beautiful blue skies and nature waiting for me. I really enjoyed having to swim, cycle and play tennis as part of my rehab and a lot of that tailed off as soon as I went back to full time work. Most people manage to achieve both exercise and work in their life, but somehow I can’t achieve that balance – or if I do it doesn’t last long enough. I’m not looking to become a triathlete like my overachieving younger sister, but I would like to do more than I’m doing – I just need to stop making excuses.

I’m definitely hatching plans to change my work/life balance and potentially get to do my lifetime career dream – global nomad. It wouldn’t be forever, but I quite fancy the idea of being a displaced traveler for at least a year (or maybe longer if I can stretch it). I don’t think I’d be able to go too long without family and friends though, so I’d have to pop back for visits. That’s probably the other big change in my mind – which is a combination of my solo trip to Thailand/Vietnam and the accident. The love from my family, partner and friends has always been so subtle and constant throughout my life that I thought I was just this super secure person that didn’t need anyone. Because I don’t mind being by myself I thought I’d be ok solo and in reality I am, but I do need that subtle love that the people close to me provide. “Hello obvious” says everyone, but to me it was kind of a shock – mainly because the way people do it. It’s when they call bullshit when I’m acting all tough and strong and give me a safe platform to fall apart on. It’s the people who are actually interested in your answer when they ask how you are doing. It’s your divorced parents coming to clean your back deck and help plant your front garden while making it fun at the same time. It’s friends making the effort to visit in hospital when you appreciated just the card to start with. It makes me want to be a better friend and try and be there more for other people.

So in summary, it’s one year on, I’m still sore, I’m a little bit fucked up mentally, I love my friends and family more than I did before and I have some exciting plans for my future. Over 1000 words to say that.

1. Washington – I believe you Liar Washington - I Believe You Liar A Brisbane girl by way of Papua New Guinea and now a Melbournite, I first noticed her when she supported Sia at the Hi Fi Bar and bought her EP then and there. I picked up an addiction for the song Cement off the EP when I was in Thailand and sucked down the full LP off iTunes when it came out. Drooled over her cool librarian looks in the italian themed video for Sunday Best and was stunned in to awe with the song How to Tame Lions. Can’t wait for her next Album Most Played Song in itunes – How to Tame Lions Washington Website
2. Sally Seltmann – Heart That’s Pounding Sally Seltmann - Heart That’s Pounding Cameron was my gateway to the introduction of her (I only knew her as New Buffalo and liked that period too). This album though was a lot more adult from her with lyrics that were easier to identify with. It’s been said that this album came out of gaining song writing confidence after her success writing the Feist song 1234. I recommended On The Borderline to everyone I spoke to – especially those that had a hard time getting out of bed. She may be a little “twee” and “girly” for some people, but when you are feeling like shit, this is a great album to kick you in the butt and get you moving. Lots of piano and 60s girl style beats. Most Played Song in itunes – Set Me Free Sally Seltmann Website
3. Tiësto – Kaleidoscope Tiesto - Kaliedoscope I know it’s not a 2010 release, but I added it to my library in 2010, so it counts for me. This album is laced with great artists like Jónsi, Nelly Furtado and Kele from Bloc Party. What interested me though was obviously the Tegan and Sara track (being a huge fan) which turned out great – mix my still new dance fascination with my favourite indie/rock girls and see me grin. I thrashed this on my ipod while I was in Thailand – a country that loves youth and dance music (at least in the beach towns). There is not one song on this album I rated below 3 stars – all killer no filler! Most Played Song in itunes – Escape Me (Feat. C.C. Sheffield) Tiësto Website
4. Passenger – Flight Of The Crow Passenger - Flight Of The Crow A bit of a departure from the previous album, this is moody folk piano sad songs for those introspective times. The guy who calls himself Passenger is an english dude who decided to busk around Australia and collaborate with a bunch of famous aussie musicians like Katie Miller-Heidke, Josh Pyke, Boy & Bear and Katie Noonan. This album was my soundtrack to the breakup of my 14 year relationship because there is nothing like wordy love songs and a folk guitar to make you feel mournful. Thanks kissability from twitter for the shoutout of this album which switched me on to it. If you like Damien Rice, you’ll love this album. Most Played Song in itunes – The One You Love Passenger Website Sorry, only version of the song youtube has is a “Lost” tribute:
5. Mark Ronson And The Business International – Record Collection Mark Ronson And The Business International - Record Collection A comeback from Boy George, a song with Simon Le Bon and the cool kids of Rose Elinor Dougall, Andrew Wyatt and Alex Greenwald – how could this fail? Sure, Boy George’s voice doesn’t have the power he had 50 000 snorts of cocaine ago but who cares with lines like “I used to know her when my home was sober”. Plus, as a bonus, you have jamaican drums! The title track is just as good with Simon Le Bon in control and who wouldn’t fall in love with a song about enjoying riding their bicycle – if Queen can do it, so can Mark. Put this on at a party and people won’t realise it’s the same album, yet they all groove as background. The cover is brilliant too. Good fun and I just want to hug it. Most Played Song in itunes – Somebody To Love Me Mark Ronson Website And how is awesome is this video using old tapes of Boy George: Mark Ronson – Somebody To Love (Official Video) Uploaded by PayeTaChatte. – See the latest featured music videos.
6. Robyn – Body Talk Robyn - Body Talk She released 3 albums this year, Body Talk 1, Body Talk 2 and Body Talk. It was a great way to spread out the joy, but if you aren’t interested in the slower versions of some of the songs, Body Talk is like the best of. Robyn is the voice of the jilted female, the woman overlooked for the pretty one and even the other woman. “None of Dem” is a menacing beat that restrains itself while pouring bile over everyone and everything (it’s awesome). Hang with Me is like the tour song that makes you wish you were her best friend and her lover – willing to be her support to her shining star. Call Your Girlfriend is about finding someone and accidentally falling in love with them but are attached – she makes it a sweet breakup. Dancing on my own is pop dance electro sad girl in the corner sweet brilliance. Oh Robyn, how I love you. Most Played Song in itunes – Dancing On My Own Robyn Website
7. David Guetta – One Love David Guetta - One Love Yep, another 2009 album, but I will forever associate this as 2010 since When Love Takes Over was the only thing I saw or heard anywhere I went in Thailand. Deservedly so since the Kelly Rowland song is pretty bloody awesome – my number 1 single of the year easily. Remixes of Black Eyed Peas, Kid Cudi and Akon just go off in the car, in the house, in the club, at the beach and in the kitchen. Great beats, great singers, great album. Most Played Song in itunes – When Love Takes Over David Guetta Website
8. Little Red – Midnight Remember Little Red - Midnight Remember I’m a bit sheepish to admit that I discovered this band thanks to multiple plays on the Sunrise tv show on Seven. They kept advertising that Little Red were going to play live and just a snippet of “Rock it” was enough for me to go hunting for them. Driving base line, harmonies, piano and electronics with a lazy delivery about rocking it (a song that doesn’t rock out in the slightest). Slow Motion is another highlight, but the whole album is one you could put on in the car with your parents and no one would be offended in the slightest. These guys know how to craft a pop song, but they haven’t yet reached their peak in the album writing game. There are hints of 60s beach boys, 80s yacht rock and some soft blues/soul chucked in. The geekiness of these guys is part of their appeal for me. Most Played Song in itunes – Slow Motion Little Red Website
9. Vampire Weekend – Contra Vampire Weekend - Contra Vampire Weekend have enough cred with me now that if they release an album I will get it regardless of whether I’ve heard it enough. If you don’t think they are talented, try playing one of their songs on Guitar Hero or Rock Band and see if you can sing or play the guitar fast enough – Cousins is a great one to try. It’s hard I tell you! They’ve kept with the wordy and african influences and although it doesn’t have an “A-Punk” song on it, it’s still a great second album after a huge amount of buzz coming of their first one. Who cares if the lady on the cover is suing them since she didn’t give permission to use it. Most Played Song in itunes – White Sky Vampire Weekend Website
10. Bersarin Quartett – Bersarin Quartett Bersarin Quartett - Bersarin Quartett I spent two weeks in hospital in August in a room with three other women. When one of them has Alzheimers at night and wants to have fights with the nurses, you need some way of relaxing or getting to sleep. This was my go to album for when I needed to tune out and heal. An instrumental ambient style album, yet with an orchestra and electronic beats it was enough to soothe my soul. “Oktober” is just a work of art while “Mehr als alles andere” has elements of Four Tet in it. Yes, 2008 was when it came out, but I’m breaking rules baby! Don’t try and listen to this album when you want to amp yourself up. Most Played Song in itunes – Mehr als alles andere Bersarin Quartett Website

Ones that didn’t make the list – only just

• Lindstrøm & Prins Thomas – II (Similar to Bersarin Quartett for relaxation)
• Kruder & Dorfmeister – The K&D Sessions  (For lazing poolside or in the chill lounge)
• Various Artists – Long Gone Whistle (if only for Adalita’s version of Lonesome)
• Mates of State – Crushes (Covers of their favourite songs – Laura is a highlight)
• Goldfrapp – Head First (Started off strong, but somehow faded)

Being alone allows you the freedom to make your own choices, but it also means you can’t share your triumphs and failures with anyone else. Jumping off a longtail boat at Phi Phi Island was one of my favourite memories, while lying curled on a bed in Udon Thani scared to make a phone call about a bus trip was one of my lows. But being alone doesn’t feel like being alone now with social networking. I had a twitter army there for me the time I vomited up my breakfast all over myself in Thailand before I had even left the harbour. They may not have been there to clean up the mess (that was left for me) but my twitter friends did help me see the humour in the situation.

Coming back to work after a holiday like that was extremely difficult (I had a tan to maintain for god’s sake!) but I put a good four months in before my next break. And a break it was – my leg. A Vespa ride to work mixed with a woman not looking resulted in me flying over her car superman style and landing on the tarmac. 2 weeks in hospital, 2 operations and 3 months at home to heal meant I got more time off, but it was definitely not fun this time. I became great friends with a pair of crutches and was thankful I had an ipad to keep me entertained with books, tv and comics. This time my support network was in the flesh, with lots of visitors in hospital and at home to help me feel loved and needed. I learnt what it was like to have a fear of basic things like stairs and getting out of bed – an unfamiliar feeling for someone who is usually too stupid to fear things. I was also stupid to think I’d get over it quickly – 5 months later and I still can’t walk properly or go down stairs.

Just before I had my accident, my granddad died and while I was in hospital my dog died (both of old age). Thinking bad things come in threes  I thought I was safe until my girlfriend of 14 years and I decided to break up in early November. A truly heartbreaking decision but we part on good terms and as good friends, sad that we couldn’t make it work. So now we have to deal with all the things that come with separating our lives – including the sale of our house. There are lots of things we both will miss about this home since we renovated it to make it ours but it is especially annoying that the breakup comes just as we finally put the new kitchen in with the dishwasher I’ve been pining for since we moved in over 10 years ago.

So as you can see, I’m pretty anxious to get rid of this year and focus on making the next one a good time. Tomorrow I’m going to try to ride a bicycle as my first order of the new year and I’m going to lose some of the weight I had to lug around on crutches. I know in the scheme of things my tale of woe is rather minor, but I’m used to having a good life and this year wasn’t one. Operation “regain my spark” starts tomorrow.

Happy New Year to You, may it be better than my year was in 2010.

THINGS I’M LOOKING FORWARD TO DOING WHEN I CAN WALK

• Carry things like plates and cups
• Ditch my orange Andy Warhol bag which is my constant companion to move stuff around the house
• Walk around the block and eventually up the big bastard hill on my street
• Get in to the car without huffing and puffing
• Stand up in the shower
• Have a bath
• Join the tennis fit thing at the tennis centre
• Sleep with my right leg completely under the covers
• Sit in a chair comfortably with both feet flat on the ground
• Get my own food at a buffet
• Cook some complicated meals
• Keep on reading lots of books
• Hang out in a cocktail bar for a few hours
• Go outdoors as much as I can!!!!!!!

Brand: Vans
Model: Half Cabs
Style: Blue and Red
Bought: Footlocker, Melbourne Central Shopping Centre
Price: $50
Date: June 20, 2010

Favourite feature: Wide toe and padding around the ankle

Most wearable location: Kicking around the skate ramp or riding a Vespa

Other people say: No one ever really notices them

What attracted me to the shoe: First vans I ever coveted were some basic black and whites old skools my cousin Leif’s that she was wearing when she came back from Chicago in the 90s. I then saw some in a Harley Davidson Iron 883 ad which made me lust for a pair again (as well as the bike). I spent a lot of time checking out Vans in Thailand but in the end found I was looking for a ghost shoe. I found these for $50 in the Vans store at Melbourne Central Shopping Centre but they didn’t have my size. They sent me down to the foot locker store in the same shopping centre cause their stock records claimed they had some. I had to wait about 30mins for them to find it but eventually I walked out with them. Which was great cause the shoes I had been wearing were killing me.

Why does the shirt match: Red, blue, Harley Davidson ad, Ben Sherman, Mod circle, Vespa. It’s quite a simple game of relations really.

All this sounds great but what are they like to wear: Super comfortable and roomy at the toes, but maybe a tiny little bit too spacious. I wouldn’t wear them on a long walk, but they make good daily kickabouts.

Brand:

Favourite feature: They are fancy enough to wear at most formal events

Most wearable location: Fancy restaurant or a not uptight wedding

Other people say: That’s pretty blingy!

What attracted me to the shoe: Firstly the price, Combined was having a sale and I was only down in that part of town for a training course for three days – so it was serendipity it was there. Plus I knew they’d go with my silver and black shirt – much more than the Nike Air Force Gold Quilts I had been wearing with it.

Why does the shirt match: It’s really kind of obvious. This is a formal shirt I wear at weddings and funerals and since I’m rarely seen in anything other than sneakers I needed something that matched but didn’t go too far out there.

All this sounds great but what are they like to wear: They don’t have the foot support that a nike shoe has so they aren’t good for long periods of standing still or walking, but they can last a few hours or so. The excel at the sitting down part and looking cool, but are way more comfortable than a converse all star that is for sure.

Brand:

Favourite feature: They are a great winter warmer shoe thanks to the fur inside
Most wearable location: At night in winter.

Other people say: Do those shoes have fur on them???

What attracted me to the shoe: I had the mistaken idea that the LA Lakers Basketball Team wore yellow and blue (they are actually purple and yellow). I thought this could commemorate the fact that we had been to Los Angeles with a shoe that recognized the home team. Plus my sister was buying a pair of sneakers as well and I wanted some too! But really, it was that damn fur that sold it to me, it was just so unexpected.

Today when I was researching them, I discovered something even cooler about them. There are actually only 72 pairs in the world and they were released as a media pack homage to Michael J Fox for the movie Teen Wolf. Now I have loved Teen Wolf all my life – watched it millions of times as a kid and was even the first to submit the “unzipped jeans blooper” to the fast rewind website. It’s like it was meant to be!

Why does the shirt match: The t-shirt is a nike shirt that was bought in an outlet store in Hong Kong near the airport. It’s a “collab” with an artist. It works obviously because of the blue and yellow, but I also have a Nike Air shirt that works too if this one isn’t available.

All this sounds great but what are they like to wear: Certainly can’t wear them in the summer time and if I walk long distances the fur starts to smell. I was wearing them when I had my scooter accident so they are now scuffed on the front right shoe (from when I went over the handlebars). I won’t be wearing them much if at all now that I now how rare they are – although the scuffing ruins their value enormously. But I am a huge fan of Dunk Lows, they are so comfy to wear.

On the 30th of August I was discharged from hospital after breaking my leg. I was pretty scared to go home, not just because I had to get up some stairs, but because I was leaving the relative safety of nurses and guaranteed 5 healthy meals a day. The thing I would most miss though was the bed that tilted up and down plus went up and down – it was awesome. In compensation, I would be able to breathe fresh air again, see the sun and watch all the movies and tv I wanted to watch rather than be subjected to free to air. Unfortunately for Pauline she would be taking over nurse, carer, chef and carrier for the first week I was home.To get home though I had to take an ambulance because they had to get me up some stairs and not just a few – about 10. I was picked up in a patient transport vehicle which had room for two in the back. Escorting me were male and (hot) female ambos and an old lady called Mavis who we picked up from the Mater Adults hospital on the way. She lived in Annerley and got dropped off first. While she was being carried up her stairs I got to watch cars come round the roundabout and head straight for me since the ambulance doors were wide open. Not the greatest reintroduction to traffic again and I have to say it freaked me out a little. It was probably about then that I realised that there were some mental impacts from this accident and it may take a while to get over. I’m not one to usually get scared about lots of things, so this was new territory for me.

At Mavis’s I overheard them ask for a stair assist for me at my house. Thinking this was some kind of really cool machine I was a little disappointed to discover that a stair assist just meant two more ambulance men. They got me out of the stretcher and in to the special chair to get me up the stairs and valiantly carried me up the stairs – all four of them. For not the first time I felt sheepish about being overweight and vowed to do something about it when I’m able to walk again. I was unceremoniously awkwardly dumped in to the spare bed where I was going to sleep because I was better getting in to the bed in that direction (although I still needed someone to lift my leg at that point). I sat there for about 2 minutes before attempting to head to the loo. In hospital I had mainly used a hopper to get from the bed to the toilet, but before I checked out I had to get down stairs on crutches in case the house had a fire or something. At home they had delivered me a hopper, but by the time I was home I was more confident with crutches and decided the hopper was just too slow. So Pauline went out and hired me some crutches. Meanwhile I had been set up on the recliner on the back deck where I soaked in the sun, the air and dozed happily. It had been so long since I’d been outside and it did wonders for healing.

In the first two weeks I had home nurses to come and help me bathe and change my dressings from the surgery. In truth I could virtually do the bathing myself, I just needed someone to give me techniques to start with since bathing using a sink wasn’t something I had to do in hospital. I couldn’t use the shower because it was downstairs and I couldn’t use the bath because it was way too deep. So I struggled with a shower chair, a sink full of water, sponges and washers. I absolutely hate it, but it is a necessity.

Pauline was being a good sport carrying all my stuff around, bringing me tea and making our dinners, while I excelled at being bossy and learning how particular I am about things. I mostly moved between the bed, couch, toilet and recliner. My knee was so swollen that I actually couldn’t detect where the kneecap was, nor did I bother putting a sheet over it since it was generating enough heat to cook a chicken.

For entertaining, I had my movies, tv and books, but also had a steady supply of visitors to keep me happy. By the end of the first week I felt brave enough to go out and took up an invitation from my aunt to see riverfire at Torbrek. She hired me a wheelchair with a leg extension which allowed me to keep my leg straight while getting about. It was great to hang out with my extended family and helped a lot on the way to feeling normal again. Especially after tasting Fiona’s cupcakes.

The next day my father spent fathers day cleaning my deck and hanging up paintings while Mum made us her homemade lasagne. Dad’s reward was a movie, while Pauline and I both felt spoilt having all this stuff done for us on the day that was meant to be for my dad.

A few days later my mother took a carers day to look after me since Pauline had gone back to work. We decided to take advantage of the wheelchair we had for the week and ventured out to Carindale – but before going out I got to have a shower for the first time since I was now making it down the stairs under supervision. Of course the leg had to be covered and a rubbish bag did the trick, a large yellow one that smelt of lemons. But damn it felt good.

At Carindale we found the most awesomest park right at the entrance to the store and it wasn’t even a disabled spot. Mum got me in to the wheelchair then we headed for the travelator to go upstairs. Getting on was fine, but at the top the wheelchair’s front legs weren’t straight and mum couldn’t push me off. In what felt like slow motion I grabbed the escalator arm and somehow extricated my leg and myself from the wheelchair, which in turn collapsed and somehow fell on mum. A man came to my rescue as I hopped on one leg wondering where I was going to go and I lent on him for support. A lady helped mum up while everyone was asking me if I was ok. I said I was fine and they should check on mum since she was the one who had fallen over (knowing she doesn’t fall well). Security guards came running and took our details to check on us, mum saying she was fine until the adrenaline wore off and she discovered all the cuts and bruises she had. She’d managed to cut up her leg, hurt her toe and underarm and various other impact points. None of them were hospital worthy but they cleaned up her leg cuts. She thought it was really really funny and once I knew she was ok, I thought it was pretty classic too. We were laughing thinking it should have been on funniest home video or something. In fact it was the best laugh the two of us have had in years and lasted the whole shopping trip. We saw the security guard walking in front of us picking things up so we didn’t run over them and made sure we knew where all the lifts were – that made us giggle again. Turns out on the side of travelators is a sign that says wheelchairs shouldn’t be used. Live and learn. LOL!

Pauline got to try the wheelchair next to take me to the doctors before we had to take it back. To add to the fun it rained, which made it a little difficult but we got through it. The doctor took off my dressings, cut off the long stitch that was hanging around and was not impressed by my inability to lift my leg up. He made an appointment for October 22 (which is now what I call “break out of leg jail day”) and wrote me a letter for physio.

A few days later I rocked up to physio which was an effort in itself. It’s amazing how one or two stairs can complicate a whole situation. The carpark had one step and the physio entrance had another and although I’m good at going down I suck at going up (no rude jokes please! LOL). I fudged it by bracing one hand against a stationary item and using a crutch. The physio wasn’t impressed with me and also adjusted the crutches since I was using them too low and was stooping. He then proceeded to put me through some leg exercises and then manipulate my knee cap which hurt like hell. The knee hadn’t moved for about a month so it was totally screwed. I proceeded to deal with the pain by grimacing and laughing which we both thought was an odd reaction. He put some electrodes around the knee and let it sit there for about 15 minutes in an effort to get some of the swelling down. I was sent home with some exercises I needed to do 5 times a day.

The good thing about physio is that they do things to your leg that you wouldn’t do yourself which makes you discover the limits of what you can do with it. My first few days of doing the exercises resulted in me swearing a lot and being angry at the lady who caused the accident, but as the pain lessened and the movement got greater the swearing stopped and the healing rate improved. Today I am at the point where I am rarely taking any drugs, can do the exercises with relative ease (although with a lot of tenseness still) and am pretty fast on the crutches. My knee is still a hot cauldron, my foot turns red and swells up whenever it isn’t raised and I can’t bend my leg fully, but I am certainly getting better. I’m annoyed that I had one scratch on my leg after the accident but now have a leg full of scars after two surgerys, but it’s really a minor inconvenience and I guess it builds character?

As for being at home I’m surprisingly busy. Between the exercises, bathing, eating and entertaining myself the days go pretty quickly. I have a bit of cabin fever at the moment thanks to maybe two weeks of cloudy days but going out for breakfast yesterday helped that. I still don’t have great focus and can’t sit in a chair for a long time but that is improving too. I’m avoiding shows with blood and injuries for obvious reasons as flinching and eye covering has been added to my repertoire. Over the halfway point now towards being able to walk and although I won’t amazingly take the leg brace off and walk normally, just being able to take a few steps will make me happy enough. This has been an ordeal and I just have to make the best of it. For now I must continue to live in my leg jail:

Warning, there will be some minor graphic photos further along in the post, so don’t scroll down if you are timid.

So there I was, front of the queue, Pauline beside me fiddling with her gloves. The light changes and I take off down the hill, starting at 0 on my way to 60kms an hour leaving Pauline a few clicks behind at the lights. I notice a car pulling out of the driveway on my right hand side when I reached about 40kms and I tried to swerve to avoid them, however there wasn’t enough room for me to get my by and I clip the front of the car. Bang! I hit my leg on the Vespa then fly over the bonnet of the car somersaulting through the air and tumbling to the road on the other side of the car. In flight, all I think about is that I need to relax as flashes of colours go past my eyes. After the tumble has finished, I feel ok and go to stand up. Suddenly I’m not ok and I’m yelling “fuckwit, fuckwit, fuckwit” as I stand on my right leg and realise it’s very painful. My fuckwit was kind of a general yell at the lady driving the car, me and my leg. I’m mostly yelling it in to the tarmac and I’m told to lie down by people running towards me. The lady driver is hugging me saying she is so sorry over and over again which sort of stuns me and makes me go mute. Apparently Pauline is freaking out because she has seen the whole thing which wouldn’t have been easy. To me, she just appears reassuring and her face is calming enough – I can’t imagine how I’d be with only strangers around.

At this point I’m pretty confident I have a broken leg but feel otherwise ok. Another lady calls the ambulance while a doctor who was in the traffic stops to look after me and put blankets on. It was rather chilly on the roadside while we waited for the ambulance while traffic became worse thanks to me. Pauline is consoling me while making calls to people telling them about what has happened. I’m pretty much lucid and not in too much pain surprisingly. It’s still winter however and I’m not enjoying lying on the ground with a ripped left jean leg and a winter wind. All I want is for this to all go away so I can crawl in to my bed and just put the covers over me. A broken leg isn’t that bad – a bit of a cast and I’ll be home tonight. The ambo guys arrive and if I was straight I’d probably find them hot, but I’m not so it was wasted. I remember them taking ages to put me in the van, with them and the fire brigade guys first putting my neck in a brace, then my leg, then they all had to put me on a stretcher.

I’m on the ground there near the stretcher, the car in front has the little dint where I hit it (nearly missed it!):

By this point I was getting annoyed that I had been given morphine and yet felt no rush. I told them off saying they hadn’t given me anything – I don’t think I’ve ever spoken like that to strangers before. I had fallen out of a mini car thing in 1990 and distinctly remember feeling really good after they gave me the drug, but this time I didn’t feel good and felt let down. My aunt told me later that apparently they have removed the rush bit from morphine since that is what made it addictive. Damn addicts – they ruined it for the ones in pain! I was woefully underestimating my pain – giving it a 2 out of 10 instead of what should have been an 8. My method of rating was to measure against what I thought the pain would be like if I broke my leg rather than the actual feeling. My brain obviously thinks it would hurt a lot more.

In emergency I was given lots of attention and taken to x-rays about 3 times, for my leg, neck, chest, ankle and eventually toe. Most of the x-rays are standard when you are in an accident, but the toe came towards the end of the day. I had felt a small pain in my toe but just thought it was a tiny cut until I decided to mention it hours after admittance. Turns out it was split open to the bone – most likely from the force of impact. Along with Pauline, I had a few visitors during the day and Mum, Dad and Kelly drove down to Brisbane to see for themselves what kind of state I was in.

I remember them cutting me out of my jeans and having a laugh because the jeans were the Lucky Brand Jeans I had bought in the USA. When you undo the zip, the flap says “Lucky You”. The nurse said “lucky me hey?” and had a bit of a giggle. I did too.

So after I had a ct scan to see the full extent of the injuries they decided that I’d have to be admitted to hospital. Here is the main reason why – that crack in the big bone (on the left) at the knee joint isn’t supposed to be there on a healthy person:

Mostly I was ok although the shock made me shiver for hours even though they put lots of pre-warmed blankets on me I still couldn’t warm up. Finally they put a half cast around my calve to keep the leg secure while not fully casting it because I had a cut on my shin (most likely the place of impact). I was then sent up to a bed in orthopedics for the night while they tried to figure out how to fix the leg. Apparently it was a pretty good break – they said it broke in 5 places and it wouldn’t just be a cast and go home situation. Turned out my prediction that I would be home that night would be the worse prediction ever.

The stuff they use to make the cast:

The half cast:

The left leg with the bad toe and some road rash:

The next day I went in to surgery to get an external fixation on my leg as a temporary measure. This is a scary looking robo type device that basically prevented me from bending my knee or moving my leg. Once it was on a tilted pillow thing it wasn’t in the least painful (with the help of some good drugs too) and I just spent a week lounging around in public hospital talking to my room mates and entertaining all the wonderful visitors who came to check in on me.

The external fixation:

What the fixation looks like on the inside:

After a week and a bit the doctors had figured out how to put an internal fixation inside my leg (since apparently it was quite complicated due to the break going in to the knee joint) I went in for another surgery, but this time in the private hospital. I had decided to go private because they said I would be guaranteed the operation on the sunday if I went private, whereas public they could bump me at any time. I decided I’d rather have it over and done with so moved over to private on the friday. Waking up from the surgery was much more painful this time since they had sliced opened my leg and put a big stainless steel rod in it. My knee was swollen in agony and I was much more uncomfortable. It was only when they found me a smaller tilted leg pillow and an ice pack did I start to feel some relief.

Outside:

Inside:

So now it’s over 5 weeks later and I’m still not walking. It will be another month before I’m allowed to put weight on it, but that doesn’t mean I can just lay around all day. I have to do physio everyday to try and get my knee bent and be able to lift my leg. The physio has been good as it has taught me to be less tentative with leg and move it around a bit more. I’m making good progress with my exercises – I can tell because I no longer swear while doing it.

Not being able to do things like take a step from the toilet to the sink without crutches is extremely frustrating but I’m mostly handling it ok. The thing I miss the most (other than walking) is being able to have a bath, I think because I can see it whenever I go to the loo. The benefits of the accident are that I am hyper aware of what good friends and family I have and how caring they can be. I don’t think I’d go through it again just to find that out, but I’m glad I know it now.

I have to say I’m lucky that it was really only a broken leg that I got out of the accident. All my injuries were below the knee – I didn’t even get a bruise above that point which just amazes me. The lady has admitted liability, the scooter has been written off and since I was on my way to work I’m covered. Things could have been a hell of a lot worse. Will I ride a scooter again? I’d like to think so, but I won’t really know until I’m faced with it. Until then, I’m just trying to get better.