Winter can be a time of hibernation for many. As a friend of mine often says, it’s a time to “hunker down.” Often I agree. There is also something to be said for getting out there, into the world, beyond the fear of cold or wet, and being in winter. I’m not talking about winter sports (which I love). Instead, I mean getting out of the house to go for a stroll, take some photos, check out the lights — and not from the comfort of a cozy automobile. What if you laced up those winter boots and put them to good use? Everyday?

I parked my car, put away the keys, and decided to spend the winter walking. I’m not suggesting that you commit to this as fully as I have. For some of us, it’s simply not practical. But I’ve been delighted by what I’ve learned so far in a winter of walking.

I am grateful for my body.

The cold air is refreshing.
Moisturizer is my friend.
Cashmere gloves really are warmer than that other pair. (And they make great liners when needed.)
Walking through 4 inches of snow slows down my pace considerably.

A brisk walk will quickly warm the body. Don’t overdress. (Layering. Layering.)
People in small towns assume no one would choose to walk. Get comfortable with the questions and puzzled expressions.
When it’s freezing and the hoar frost has built crystalline coats on everything in the neighborhood, walking allows me to discover all sorts of wonders I would never see from a car.

When it’s raining and streams run down the gutters, pools gather on sidewalks, the air smells amazing.
When freezing rain is coming down, a raincoat can actually get stiff, coated with a thin layer of ice. Keep moving.
There are beautiful homes in my neighborhood that I’d never noticed before.

Everything I actually need is within walking distance.

Then there is the light.

Amazing winter light.

When I walk, I notice the way light catches in bare branches, on front porches, along the frosty edges of streams. The shadows are just as enticing. Bold. Crisp. When the sky is clear there is a sharpness to the winter light that I don’t recall seeing during other seasons. A quality in the air and the angle of light that increases contrast.

When the fog rolls in the air hugs the body, the earth. Suspended moisture creates veils of mystery and softens edges. It calls for wool and whiskey and firelight at the end of the day.

When was the last time you took a stroll through your neighborhood? When was the last time you choose to walk to the coffee shop in the winter? When was the last time you put on an extra layer, laced up your boots, and left your car behind because you wanted the world to pass by at the pace of your gait, not an accelerated speed that we’ve become so acustomed to?

I’ve slowed down.

I’ve been present in the season. I’ve noticed intricasies of light and shadow, rain and snow, and how my community responds. And in the walking, I have found a pace that feeds me. Walking has nourished my winter life.

What do you do to nourish your life — body, mind, soul — in the winter? What does a good winter look and feel like for you?

Related posts:

Fall colors

When I was 11, I was in sixth grade. The last thing on my mind was a husband or whether or not I would be allowed to go to school. I was probably frustrated because I wanted a pair of Guess jeans so I could be one of the “cool kids.” I took for granted the education I was getting. I was blissfully unaware of the alternatives.

Last year, my youngest sister, Sonja, lived and taught in Ethiopia. She came home a little different for it. I remember her talking about how she had taken so many things for granted before her time in Ethiopia. She ended up helping many of her students to pay for their exams so that they could continue their education. She showed me photos of the orphans she held, the children she made friends with, the broken and the beautiful people she loved. My heart cracked wide open.

I believe in the power of women. I believe in the power of girls. I believe that, like my sister, girls can grow up to be women who make a difference in their families, in their communities, and in the world.

What if we gave more girls that chance?

Want to know more about The Girl Effect?

And visit girleffect.org to find out what you can do to get involved.

For years we’ve been talking about the inner child, how to heal her, how to nurture her, how to deal with her tantrums and her tender heart. I had a therapist tell me once that we are all four-year-olds emotionally. We have that part of us, at any rate.

My sisters and I used to play this game called “I’m Her!” We’d open up a magazine and flip through the pages. When we saw something we liked, we’d drop our finger on it and say, “I’m her!” — Sometimes it was “I’m him.” It depended on what it was about the image that we most liked or wanted in our lives. But the game was always about pointing out what we related to, what we longed for, what we liked. It was, in retrospect, a way of defining ourselves in relation to each other. That’s important for four girls living in the same space.

This morning I saw this National Geographic photo and it made me pause.

Najood Ali Picture, National Geographic Photo of the Day

To which of the three figures do you feel the most drawn? Do you know why?

Here’s my story. I am immediately captivated by the freedom and joy on the face of Nujood Ali, front and center. She is beautiful and energetic. Her story is moving.

Nujood Ali was ten when she fled her abusive, much older husband and took a taxi to the courthouse in Sanaa, Yemen. The girl’s courageous act—and the landmark legal battle that ensued—turned her into an international heroine for women’s rights. Now divorced, she is back home with her family and attending school again.

Then… my eyes drift to the right, down, and I see a familiar face looking back at me. A small, intense child. Serious. Doubtful. Protective. Concerned. A direct gaze, but arms folded in front. I see myself in this small form, my hesitance to play, my guarded nature. “I’m her.” Almost by default. And I know I am projecting. I don’t know this child. But I see myself reflected.

My heart opens to this child and I want to shower her with love and joy. So back to my inner child…

I had a wonderful healer tell me recently that I need to prioritize Fun and Joy in my life. Not just love and joy; FUN and Joy!

What would it take for me to raise my hands above my head, smile, laugh, and dance?

Even as children, we have choices to make about how we are in the world. And as adults, we still play out the patterns we bought into in childhood. What worked for me as a child, the ways of being that helped me survive, aren’t serving me anymore. I did the best I could at the time. And times have changed. Have my choices, patterns, behaviors?

And you? What patterns are you repeating from your childhood? Are you aware?

Today is a day of questions. Simply notice what you notice. No judgement. Getting to know yourself better is full of love.

Related posts:

Longing for Freedom… and other points of purpose

Relax into the not-knowing. What does that even mean?

Today was my beautiful mother’s birthday. We had a lovely family brunch to celebrate her life thus far, complete with a touching collage/card from my youngest sister for the ___st anniversary of my mother’s entry into the world.

It was a day of celebration. Flowers. Cards. Gifts. Song.

There is something comforting in the ritual celebration of birth. Birthday parties are often stressful for me, and I have rarely thrown them for myself. But today I appreciated the tradition.

So many parts of our lives are rapidly changing, sometimes in ways we clearly intended, and other times in ways we hadn’t fully anticipated. I know my mom can attest to this. Today I realized the value in taking one day (even part of a day) and acknowledging the ongoing accomplishment of a life. It was touching. It offered another point of connection. I had the opportunity to honor another.

Life is this amazing gift that I’ve spent decades trying to understand, categorize, organize, and manage. Full of warrior energy, I’ve fought to conquer, to wrap my head around it and bring it [life] into submission. The results thus far, while not entirely a waste of time (lessons have been learned), have been less satisfying than I would like. But what would happen if I simply relaxed into the not-knowing? Not having the answers? What if I was okay with the mystery? What if I spent a little more time with a beginner’s mind?

I’m guessing I could have enjoyed those birthday parties even more. And I would probably feel a bit more peace.

I am not suggesting that we make no attempt to have order in our lives. But I am acknowledging that there are some things that I simply cannot understand from this human perspective in time and space. Can I be okay with that? Can I accept a position of surrender?

This is a small part of a much larger discussion currently taking place, but I wanted to share it with you and I welcome your feedback.

What about you? What happens when you think about relaxing into the not-knowing?

Many of us are trained from an early age to work hard for future rewards. Life is hard and then you die. But if you behaved, and if you worked hard enough, and if you fell in love with only the right people (not the wrong people), then you’ll go to heaven and everything will be rewarded. That’s the version I was given. We all have our own specifics.

So I worked hard. Really hard. From the very first exam I ever took, I did my best to be at the top of my class, to take on leadership positions that would give me a leg up on the competition for scholarships and future awards. I added on extra-curricular activities to boost my resume. I kept a 4.0 GPA while serving in student government every year and working a part-time job the entire time I was in school. Then I graduated from high school. Yep. That was all before I turned 18.

Things changed slightly after that. I’d gotten to adulthood without ever really living. How did that happen? How is it that I don’t remember much of anything from high school except that I never made the basketball team, I didn’t want to talk about being homeless for a few months while going to a private school, and I felt most loved for my version of a stupid human trick on senior trip?

I can certainly come up with more memories, but not many that have much of an emotional attachment. I was driven. I put all my eggs in my future basket. That left very little attention in the present.

Needless to say, I don’t wish to relive high school. What I do wish, however, is that I had known then what I know now: All we have control over is the Now. This moment.

I can plan all I want, but if I am not actually present, if my attention is not in this moment, I am missing out on experiencing life in its full potency. This is it. Right here. In this moment.

When I think about neglecting my needs now because I have told myself I will be rewarded later, I need to stop and ask myself some questions.
1. Is this in line with my values?
2. Will this decision get me closer to or further away from my goals?

If the answer is a resounding yes, then I feel pretty safe to move forward. But this is based on getting really crystal clear on my values and my goals.

I value health. I value happiness. I value meaningful relationships. I value beauty and quality.

What do you value?
Do you feel it in the Now?
What can you do right now to feel aligned with your values?

During the course of a conversation this last week I realize that something an Oxford professor said to me years ago applies not only to academic writing, but also to business.

Synthesis is an act of creation.

Abby Kerr has been writing recently about unintentional mimicry. Several posts have been devoted to the topic. The conversation is fascinating and I suggest you check it out.

This last week I was involved in a discussion regarding the experience of using mimicry as a learning tool. But by the time you’re building out your own business, the last thing you want to be doing is imitating someone else. What value does that bring to the market? Similarly, in academia the expectation is that you contribute something new to the academic community. Full-on mimicry = plagiarism.

So what do you do, as a thinker, a businessperson, an integrous being, when you catch yourself not just sounding like, but producing the same thing as another, regurgitating content that you have recently devoured, or infringing on intellectual property rights? Or what if you discover someone else is already doing your “big idea”?

It’s time to dig deeper and figure out what it is that you, brilliant and unique, have to offer.

Sometimes digging deeper might lead you to choose a new path. Other times, it might mean absolutely owning the unique nature of what you’re offering, even if there are similarities to others in the market. Just be explicit and honest about what sets you apart. Maybe it’s the method. Maybe it’s the location. Maybe it’s behind-the-scenes access. Maybe you’re covering similar topics, but you’re also making clear connections to other areas that no one has ever done before. (See where this is going?)

Back to Oxford… I was studying Boethius (an early 6th century philosopher). I read translations of primary texts (my Latin was awful!) and read secondary texts to better understand his work. In the end, however, as I discussed my essay face to face with a professor whose intellect made me sweat, what helped me pass was that apparently I had taken a variety of sources, had understood them, and had then combined ideas in a new way, had offered a different slant on the subject matter. My professor then went on — leaving behind the specific content of my essay — to extol the virtues of synthesis and praise the great “act of creation” that is taking separate elements and combining them in fresh ways, thus creating something new and (hopefully) of lasting value to the community. He was worked into quite a glorious frenzy and it made the moment stick.

We each have our own thought patterns, personalities, and stories that shape our perception and experience of the world.

I grew up bouncing back and forth between two worlds:

The repeating seasonal cycle of my move between these two worlds gives me a specific set of experiences and memories, assigned meanings and cultural understandings, that shape my view and understanding of the world. And these are only a small part of all that has shaped me.

You grew up with your own stories, your own set of experiences. And I can guarantee that even the people you shared those experiences with have a slightly (or drastically) different version of events. Even if the stories sound almost the same, if you dig down just a little, there’s something that differentiates each of us.

What does this have to do with business?

For those of us in the building stages, whether we are just starting out or we are expanding, beware of mimicry. There is no need for mimicry and it doesn’t add value. You can, however, draw on the things that you love, the content that inspires you, in the process of synthesis. You can create something new. You can start out with Idea A from Source X and look at how it interacts with Idea B from Source Y and you might just find that by putting these two ideas together, an interesting new thing (idea, product, writing project, etc.) emerges when filtered through your unique lens.

Hint: The most interesting results often come from using disparate elements rather than elements that are highly similar to begin with.

Think of the The Tao of Pooh. Benjamin Hoff saw the similarity between A.A. Milne’s stories about Winnie the Pooh and the ancient principles of Taoism. He was able to talk about Taoism in a new way and reached an audience with a fresh perspective on ancient principles and teachings. Hoff wasn’t the only one talking about Taoism, but his approach was unique. He explained Taoism through Winnie the Pooh and vice versa.

Look for the points of connection. See where new ideas are pushing through the cracks. Listen for that little voice of insight that tells you you’re onto something fresh. Follow a hunch. Take what you’ve learned, and instead of “doing what everyone else is doing,” take the time to find what is uniquely you. What have you already synthesized? What connections are you ready to make to bring value to the community?

We don’t create in a vacuum. That is why my synthesis-promoting professor loved academia, the community of thinkers, and why he pushed me harder than anyone (except Ann Kaloski, a kick-ass professor at the University of York) to put my own thoughts out there, to STOP HIDING behind other people’s ideas and analysis.

We each have something valuable to bring to the table. Do it with integrity. Create from your unique place of purpose and understanding. You can help me see the world in a new way.

(Special thanks to Illana Burk and Pema Teeter for helping to draw this out.)

Related posts:

Lamberton and Pink: Two Dans and Life Skills
Transforming fear into your greatest strength.

On Thursday I had lunch with the rootielicious diva, the one and only Heidi Rootvik. She told me about a class she had just taken the night before where some profound lessons were learned, including the role of longing in our lives.

So many people have a negative association with the word longing, believing it to represent a lack, missing, envy, even neediness. But the message Heidi shared was paradigm shifting. What if we re-framed the term longing. What if we owned that in each physical body there is a genetically coded desire, in our body a point of departure for a trajectory directed by longing? I don’t believe in predestination. I am an ardent proponent of free will. But I do believe in design and planning, in a larger structure, in things unseen that work together for my highest good.

Recently, I have been reading Women Food and God by Geneen Roth. As Roth explores the underlying issues for women’s relationships with food, there is an uncovering, an undressing of deeply rooted longings. These are not, as it turns out, the kind of longings that immediately come to mind for many of us of thin arms, perfect skin, or different sized thighs. Instead the longing is not to be something different than what we are at all. The longing is for self-love, acceptance, trust. We long to be us – ourselves – exactly as we are meant to be.

And we hold longings for many other things as well.

Each of us is unique. Our DNA is different. Our stories are different. Our longings are different. Like the women at Roth’s retreats learn, we are not here to conform. We are not here to fit into someone else’s mold. We are here to follow our own natural, undeniable, soulful longing.

Longing is no longer to be thought of as wistful pining for something unattainable. No, that is not what drives us forward, toward our purpose, toward our fullness and our freedom. Our longing offers an interactive map for us. When we listen closely, with interest and love, we find that our longing is beautifully intertwined with our power.

Are you fighting your longing? Are you trying to wrestle it into submission and talk sense into it, telling your longing that it wants too much, a life too big, too grand, too far beyond your reach?

Your longing might be just the thing you need to fall into to fully experience your freedom.

Rumi writes about birds learning to fly: “How do they learn it? They fall, and falling, they’re given wings.” Roth actually uses this Rumi quote and goes on to say the following:

“… if you wait to respect yourself until you are at the Lose Weight Exercise you imagine you need to be to respect yourself, you will never respect yourself, because the message you will be giving yourself as you reach your goal is that you are damaged and cannot trust your impulses, your longings, your dreams, your essence at any Lose Weight Exercise.”

This conversation goes far beyond the issue of Lose Weight Exercise.

In the midst of all the talk about longing, dreams, and essence, the underlying issue is whether or not you are at war with yourself. There is no freedom in the struggle. Many of us believe that the harder we fight, the more we win. The more brutal the struggle, the stronger we become. But we — especially we women — have this backwards when it comes to relating with ourselves. Stop fighting yourself. Stop fighting your longing. (If you think I’m crazy, just ask yourself how well you like your results so far.)

Go deeper. What is the longing beneath your grab for comfort or fame or beauty, the ideal job, more money, your “perfect” Lose Weight Exercise?

In your body itself, in your cellular composition, there is longing. This is you. This is why you are here.

What is it that you really long for? What is it that lights you up when you talk about it? What idea compels you beyond your known world? The point at which you stop fighting this longing, the point at which you are willing to fall, is the point at which you will be given wings.

Follow your longing. Fall with it. And from the falling, you will fly to your freedom, your essence, your truth.

Related posts:

Get real and give us what we want.
The Inner Child: Games, Patterns, and Fun

If we could see the miracle of a single flower clearly, our whole life would change. – Buddha

I have learned a few things this week about gratitude. Not only is gratitude important for staying positive in a world that can sometimes throw negativity in our faces all day long (information overload, anyone?), it is also becoming a form of meditation for me. So today I wanted to take a quick moment to tell you about a little tool I use to stay in an attitude of gratitude.

There’s an app I have on my iPhone that is useful in reminding me not only to write down and acknowledge what I’m grateful for, but also to serve as a record of all the things I’ve been grateful for over time. Whenever things seem really discouraging, overwhelming or sad, I can take a quick look at even the entries of a few days and be reminded of all the things that I personally have to be grateful for.

Here’s today’s entry:

There you have it. Five things I’m grateful for today just off the top of my head. Took me a couple minutes, and I felt better, more aligned with the joy that does exist in my life.

For a perfect antidote to the stress and worry that often creeps up on us, take a minute and write down 5 things you’re grateful for today. How does that make you feel?

I hope you feel better. I sure do.

To check out the app, visit HappyTapper.com. It’s only $.99 right now. That’s so much less than a cup of coffee, and it’ll keep you happier a lot longer. Definitely good for your health.

Related posts:

How to Rock Today! Tips for Stardom.

Today is just a quick video to tell you about a pretty cool company that I have a mad crush on.

Please take a look and check them out.

You can find their site at lovetinydevotions.com for more information and to check out their shop.

Also, I highly recommend following them on Twitter: @tinydevotions — and you’ll see them soon in my list of top people/brands to follow on Twitter.

If you don’t know anything about mala beads, that’s ok. They offer some great information, tell you where they source the beads, and they also tell you more about the magic number… 108.

Sending you all much love.

This week I sat down and read — in one sitting, which is so rare! — Do the Work by Steven Pressfield, an awesome piece of writing that you should definitely check out asap!

Marie Forleo calls it “The #1 Book On The Planet for Entrepreneurs and Creators” and if you read it you’ll see why.

Today, I want to share with you an idea I had after reading the book.

Pressfield directly addresses Resistance as a key component to any creative endeavor. Instead of talking about it in terms of external pressures and obstacles, Pressfield clearly states that Resistance comes from within.

It is much like a force of nature, and it’s objectives aren’t personal. However, it is something that lives inside us, something we cannot escape by changing locations, jobs, friends, or even outfits. This is a battle we must face internally.

Resistance is your teacher.

“Rule of thumb: The more important a call or action is to our soul’s evolution, the more Resistance we will feel toward pursuing it.” ~ Pressfield

Conversely, Resistance has great things to teach us about our true desires, our purpose, and where we are meant to be headed. If we listen to our resistance, watch it as if it were a compass, we will know exactly where we are really meant to be. Where do I feel the most resistance? Then THAT is the area where my attention is most urgently needed at this moment.

We get so uncomfortable with fear, resistance, obstacles, and are afraid to say anything negative for fear of “attracting more negative.” But we have to be honest. We have to acknowledge and own reality. Sometimes I feel resistance to a next step. And when I break down the resistance into its component parts, invariably I find that it is actually fear. Whether it’s ego or self-doubt, financial concerns, self-esteem issues, believing I don’t have enough time… whatever the resistance, at its core it is always fear.

So I can be the warrior and slay the dragon, which is the common language of dealing with resistance. (“KILL THE BEAST!”) But today I propose a much more feminine idea. Rather than conquering resistance, slaying the dragon as it were, I suggest that we transform it. See it for the dragon that it is. And use it.

Kill it or transform it?

Resistance can be called the dragon. Let’s say it IS a dragon, an actual winged, fire-breathing, scary-as-hell dragon. And I am facing the dragon. Do I use my weapons and attack? Do the war dance with the dragon? Blood and guts everywhere one way or another.

What if I took a different approach?

I recognize that this dragon is showing me exactly where my soul is truly inclined. The dragon is being a most excellent teacher. So how do I get past it? How do I, as the knight in this particular metaphor, learn about my path and avoid being destroyed by the dragon? Don’t forget, this is one scary motherf*cking dragon we’re talking about!

I want to piss my pants and run the other way. But I’ve made a promise to myself to see this through, to be true to my core nature as a creative being. The dragon is showing me exactly where I need to go to do bigger and better things. (You know the door to pass through or passageway you need to go down is always right behind the dragon! You have to get past the dragon to save the princess…) Still, I am really really REALLY feeling FEAR in this moment.

The Feminine Option

Fear. It’s ugly. It’s mean. It’s predatory. And I can try to fight it, or I can…

love it into something else.

Here’s the Lose Weight Exercise:

Close your eyes and visualize the dragon.

Now let it slowly begin to shrink. Smaller, smaller, smaller.

Let the dragon get small enough to fit right into your heart. That’s right. I mean it. Put the dragon inside your heart.

Can you do it? Can you feel the dragon in your heart? When you look down, do you see it looking up at you?

Fill the dragon with love. Give it so much love it might burst, so happy and content it hardly knows what to do with itself. It might even roll over on its back, exposing its tummy to be rubbed. That content.

Don’t forget, though. This is still a badass dragon. You have a dragon inside of you that can help you fight any battle you must fight. You have limitless power inside of you.

Resistance can be transformed into your greatest strength. YOU have the power. Always.

Now thank the dragon. Thank yourself.

Related posts:

Lamberton and Pink: Two Dans and Life Skills
How to Rock Today! Tips for Stardom.
Get real and give us what we want.