Well, good news for you is that I can answer that!  Let’s get started!

1.  Pick one room or one space to work on.  Do not move around trying to organize more than one room at a time because you will get overwhelmed and not get very much accomplished.

2.  Starting with this one space, begin to sort everything out into categories.  In other words, begin to group things together; stationary in one pile, shoes in another pile, papers in another, and so on.

Do not do anything else until you have finished this step.  Sometimes this can take days, especially if the room is super cluttered.

3. Once all the sorting is done (and I mean ALL the sorting), you can start to decide what you want to donate, keep, or trash.  Deciding is the hard part, so to help you out, I suggest you use the Value Questions below when making decisions.  

Remember that the whole point of decluttering is to reduce the amount of stuff, so be very honest with yourself about you do and do not need!

I am not going to tell you how to organize in this post because that is the next step AFTER you have decluttered, purged, and made decisions about what goes and what stays.

While you are making decisions about stuff keep using the Value Questions to determine how valuable something is in your life.  If it’s not loved or needed, it pretty much should go away.  Sound callous? Maybe, but in order create change in your home, you must get rid of stuff.

Declutter a space until what is left is everything you have decided is either loved, needed, or adds value to your life.  Clients will often ask me if there is a “maybe pile” and I always say, NO! It’s either yes or no.  Keep or get rid of.  No gray area.  No maybes.

3.  The final step in decluttering is to have donations picked up or taken away and trash hauled out of the space.  When this is done, you can finally start making plans to organize!

NBCnews.com

It’s hard not to think about, let alone talk about, anything but the Oklahoma tragedies.

I have talked a lot about preparing for emergencies on this site, but nothing, nothing, nothing could ever prepare you for a tornado like this.  It’s easy to feel helpless, but there are so many ways you can help. Here are 3 ways that you can help today in Oklahoma.

1. Salvation Army-

Always my first choice when it comes to donations of any kind.  USA Today published a fantastic post about ways to help.

Donate online or text STORM to 80888 to contribute $10 to the Salvation Army’s relief efforts or make a donation by phone at 1-800-SAL-ARMY. If you’re sending a check make sure you put the words “Oklahoma Tornado Relief” on the check, and mail it to: The Salvation Army, P.O. Box 12600, Oklahoma City, OK., 73157.

2.  Red Cross-

We all know them.  They always respond to the worst tragedies and they are already on the scene in Moore, OK.

The organization says in the immediate aftermath, the best way to help is to donate at RedCross.org or text REDCROSS to 90999. 

3.  Save the Children-

The world’s leading independent organization for children,  ” Save the Children USA helped more than 78 million children in 2012, surpassing our goal of reaching 74 million children annually.”

They are taking donations and have already mobilized a response team to Moore, OK. Here’s a tweet from Melissa Joan Hart (yes, the actress)

You can also Txt TWISTER to 20222 to donate $10 to Save the Children to help us respond to tornado in Oklahoma & other US disasters. Std rates apply.

This video brought me to a full-out cry this morning because this little lady had a plan all these years and it worked.  Watch until the end because you will cry, but it’s a story of hope.  Let’s all do what we can.

“Mom, why do people kiss?”

Yes, people. These are the questions I’m fielding from my teens these days, so I thought it’s time you finally knew how I had “The Talk” with my daughter.  This is the for-real S-E-X talk. No embellishment added (OK, maybe some).

Some of you know this story, but if you don’t, I’m going to warn you.  If you’re squeamish, stop reading now.  If you don’t like to call body parts by their medical name, stop reading.  And, if you are already offended that I am writing about this on this site, you should really stop reading now!

One cold November night when my daughter was in 5th grade, she asked me to come into her room because she didn’t understand something she just read.

Pause here for a minute.  I had just found her a book series that she loved and had plowed through the first book in a week.

It was a cute series about a girl who has to stand up for her faith when her friends were doing the opposite of her. So, in this second book, I expected the same gentle outcome.

“Show me what you mean, Mallory.”

She points.  I read,  ”Then he slipped a drug into my cola and raped me.”

{WHAT?  WHAT? WHAT?  Are you kidding me?]

“Why is she saying this?”, I ask

“Because she is telling her friends her testimony about how she became a Christian.”

{Thinking quick on my feet here}

“OK.  Do you know about sex?”

“Mommy! Yes.”

“What do you know about it?”

“Mommy!  No. I can’t talk about it.”

“Well, I need to know what you already know so I can tell you what she means.”  Nothing.  Only a head shake.

So, I do the only logical thing to do.  I go get Dave’s giant Anatomy & Physiology book from his anesthesia school days and sit on her bed.  Opening it up the cross section of the penis, I begin to explain the anatomical function and structure of this body part.

She is audibly shocked.

Then I to flip to cross section of the female pelvis.  ”A girl has 3 holes.  This one you pee out of, this one you poop out of, and this one is where a baby comes out.”  Oh yeah, believe me,  that was enough to unleash a host of questions and ah-ha moments from her.

“When you’re married, God designed it for a man and woman to have sex (flip to cross-section of penis) and the man puts this penis in (flip to cross section of pelvis) the vagina.  It’s awesome and wonderful, when you’re married. And that’s also how babies are made.”

Words like gross, yuck, and never came out of her mouth.

“But sometimes a man wants sex and the woman says no, but he forces her or holds her down or threatens her and does it anyway. That’s called rape.”

“But mommy, why would he do that?”

“Because he is mean and selfish and doesn’t care about her”

“That’s really mean and awful”

As I closed the anatomy book, I casually ask, “Do you have any questions?”

“Nope

“Alright then, good night”

And that, my friends, is how I had “The Talk” with my 10 year-old-daughter. Totally unplanned and not what I would recommend, but because it happened that way we have always freely talked about relationships, dating, and body parts. I did not have this same talk with my son and instead left it to Dave to explain it from a guy perspective, but don’t be shocked to know that I have had to field other, shall we say, boy-part questions.

When the kissing question came up today it seemed so benign.  So innocent. Maybe that one will be easier to explain.

This Half Hour Organizing Project is all about those piles of paper!  Ready, set, go!

1.Use a dresser for storage or decorative containers that stack.  Use as much vertical wall space as you can, especially is the space is small.

2. Hanging files work best; get a file cabinet or desk top containers.

Every office needs at least one hanging file area. Most need a 2-drawer filing cabinet.

3.  Use 3 ring binders to organize different areas of business

• Business cards
• Business information/legal docs
• Original copies
• Banking/vendor info

4. Set up stations-

• Action station-this is all current work w/files
• Mail/bills
•  Working files and projects
• Archived paper/files
•  To read
• Research/education

5.  Make a place for every paper!

• Loose papers? Use magazine holders
• Urgent to-do or reminder? Use clips, bulletin board or desk top file
• Need a system to help you remember? Use a tickler file system

Do you remember my Letters to Mom series I started for this past Mother’s Day?  I invited you all to share your letters to your mom on this blog and I am so thrilled to have had an amazing response to it.

Here is the first letter I received from someone. Everyone has their own journey with their mom, whether it be fabulous and un-flawed to painful to non-existent.  Thank you Debi F. for being brave and courageous to share your story with us!  We can learn lessons in each of our stories and walk forward in grace, forgiveness, and healing.

 Mom,

 Where do I begin?  What do I say?  Why am I even doing this? 

 Deep breath…..

 I inch right to the edge of the emotional cliff as I begin to write you a letter, but I’m overwhelmed by the physical sensations that I have no control over.   My heart is pounding out of my chest, my hands are shaking and I have chills up and down my body as though a cold breeze just blew through the room.

 Deep breath….

 I want to be complete in our relationship, but how do I accomplish that when we have NO relationship.  The sad part is that I’m really ok with it the way it is!  There has been a sense of freedom not having to worry about every word I say (or don’t say) and every action I take (or don’t take), knowing that you always misinterpreted my intentions.  There is freedom in not having to please you, not having to do it your way, not having to explain myself to you.  There is FREEDOM!

 I’m no longer angry, for I believe you did the best you could.  But there is sadness, because your best wasn’t good enough.  It left me robbed of the opportunity to experience what a mother-daughter relationship should be or could be in its purest form. 

 I don’t say this to hurt you, but I want you to know that I’m OK in spite of our relationship.  Over the years I have established relationships with many women that helped to fill the void of not having you in my life.  Women that have supported me, laughed with me, shopped with me, talked about raising children with me, encouraged me, drank wine with me, cried with me, shared authentically with me…..and loved me unconditionally – like a mom should! 

 I am most grateful for the fact that my boys are OK in spite of your & my relationship with each other!  Being your daughter, I learned all the ways I didn’t want to be and all the things I didn’t want to say in relationship to my children.  My proudest accomplishment in life is the depth of relationship I have with both Ben & Peter!  We have mutual respect, we talk when we disagree, we laugh together, we apologize when we hurt each other – even when that’s not our intention, , and they know without question how special they are – exactly as they are, and how much they are loved!

 I needed to dump all that baggage so I could clear the way to share what I really want to say.  I want you to know that there are happy memories too – life lessons, family traditions and joyful moments that I have been able to hold onto and incorporate in my adult life. 

 1.      Your love of the beach; the ocean and sand, was ingrained in me.   When I sit at the beach, mesmerized by the repetition of the waves crashing on the shore, I feel peace in my heart knowing how much you would love to be there too.

 2.      I think of you when I see PURPLE.  I still have the amethyst jewelry you gave me – although I can’t remember the last time I wore it?  I feel the urge to dig through my jewelry box in search of your purple!  I must also acknowledge the fact that for the first time in my life I am wearing purple toe nail polish! 

 3.      I used to think you were so strange for eating apples with natural peanut butter – and now it is one of mine and Peter’s favorite snacks.

 4.      Birthdays are so special to you!  You would wake me up at 12:01 am to be the very first person to wish me a happy birthday!  You taught me to fully celebrate the meaning of someone’s birthday and to allow it to last longer than just the 24 hours of the actual birthday.  

 5.      You gave the longest ‘mommy’ hugs!  I didn’t really enjoy it as a child, but when I  embrace Ben & Peter in a hug, I am never the one to initiate the ending of the hug!  I will stay there with my arms wrapped around them as long as they will allow me!

 6.      You made the most amazing chocolate mousse that I have ever in my entire life tasted!  It was rich in taste, but oh so light in its texture!  I remember it was a multi step process that had to be followed meticulously in order to ensure the desired outcome….and I was never able to master it myself.  After I find the amethyst jewelry I’ll go in search of the chocolate mousse recipe!

 7.      I remember watching the comedian Howie Mandel together.  We laughed so hard we snorted, which made us laugh even harder, which made us snort some more….until tears of joy rolled down our faces.

 I find myself judging the fact that I could only come up with 7 positive memories?  But I guess seven is better than none!  Our relationship was flawed to a point that it couldn’t continue, but in the midst of that – you left a positive mark and made a difference. 

Originally posted as part of the Live Better Friday series, I was reminded these past few weeks that these principles and practices never get old and can never get talked about enough!

Today I wanna talk about paper.  Did the feeling of doom just settle over you as you look at your stacks of mail and randomness?  Fear not, a solution is near, but you may not like what I’m gonna say.

What I will share with you goes for both home and your business, especially if you work from home!  Treat your home office like you would any office space.   Just because you might work from home doesn’t mean you can wing it.

To start, you need to keep VERY FEW papers.  This includes bills, receipts, articles, newspapers, magazines, & notes.  And don’t even get me started on the kids papers.  That’s a whole ‘nother topic!  In our digital age, almost anything you need to look at can be pulled up from a website.   Plus, with a home scanner you can scan your way into digital bliss.  Scan it, file it, and throw the hard copy away!

So, what you do decide to keep, you need a place to put it.  A pile is not a file system!  If you want to keep papers, make a hanging file system and label each file with the topic.  I think in broad categories, like insurance.  In this file I will have insurance policies for the house, the car, the _______.  If you like it teased out more specifically, fine, but don’t over complicate it and get all caught up in the labeling.  Just create a file so you have a place to stick the paper.

I beg you to consider a digital file system and use something like the Neat Receipt scanner by the Neat Co.  It can change your life.  No lie. 

Ok, now go get some coffee and sit here for a while.  I want to talk mail with you.  I will not bore you the details of creating a mail system right now, but I want you to start dealing with the mail.  What I mean by that is I want you to start OPENING the mail everyday, throwing junk out, and have a specific place you put your bills to pay and important papers you need.

Get yourself a shredder and a small trashcan.  From today forward, when you get the mail, deal with it.  If you don’t have time to deal with it today, then leave it in the mailbox.  Getting the mail from the mailbox and putting it in a pile is complicating your life!  Stop doing it. (just in case you’re wondering, yes, I am feeling a little Nanny 911 today.  Some intervention needs to happen here!)

If you keep lots of papers it usually for one of two reasons: 1)You are afraid you can’t or won’t be able to find this information anywhere else ever again and therefore you MUST keep the paper! OR 2)You love information and it makes you feel safe and secure knowing that you have the information:) Either way, the papers will start to take on a life of their own and you will start drowning in them.

So today, I am asking you to take a look around and decide which pile to start tackling.  What can you throw out right away?  What changes can you make to start taming the paper beast?  Don’t even make me come over and do it for you! You won’t like me for it!!

And just in case you needed a little guideline, here is an article (digital of course, and DO NOT print it off!!!!) on how long you should keep papers.

Feeling immensely joyful.

And also thankful.

To everyone of you, thank you for being part of my motherhood journey!

My son is a man of few words, but he couldn’t have said more that meant more.

We ate breakfast at a place in Sundance Square called Cowtown. It’s officially my favorite joint now.  Here are two things I loved from it.

I know it’s blurry.  But it’s the coolest antler chandelier that has been spray painted silver.  Really like.

Cowhide lamp.  See the antler chandelier behind it?  Love.

Here’s my real love, though.

I’ve talked about being prepared for emergencies before in other posts, but this Half Hour Organizing Project happened when we recently cleaned out our garage and I realized that we did not have all of our hurricane supplies in one place.  They were in various places throughout the garage and even the attic!  Not great when the lights go out and a storm is barreling down on your home.

I live on the East Coast and while hurricane season doesn’t officially start until June 1st, I wanted to get my new hurricane and emergency container ready now. Hurricane Preparedness Week actually runs May 26th-June 1st, so hey, you’ll be ahead of the curve!  Wherever you live, it’s a good idea to have a container with basic emergency storm supplies.  Here is a quick list:

Flashlights and/or lanterns

Batteries

Landline phone (not cordless)

Candles and matches

Water

Shortwave radio

This is a reprise of a post from last year, but because I am speaking next week to a group of professional women on the topic of, “Can I Have it All?”, I’ve had the task of delegation on my mind.  

Over the years of working, between working full-time to owning a business, I have learned to delegate those tasks that are not MY best and highest use of me.  Yes, there are things and tasks that I do best and things and tasks that others do better than me.  Those things, which I value the most and do the best, I cannot delegate.  The rest, well, either it doesn’t get done or it gets done by someone else. 

There is a great article this month in Working Mother magazine called Get Rid of Messy House Guilt.  It really does give great advice, starting with the notion of letting the standard of perfection go.  Amen sisters.

But I’d like to stir the pot a little with another notion…that of delegation.  I have long spoken to women, especially those of us who work any measure outside the home,  about delegating. This isn’t the same as giving your kids chores to do.  That should be a no-brainier.  They should have chores and they should get rewards for doing them.  But sometimes when I ask my kids to do something extra, they will say “what do I get for doing that”?  Excuse me?  You get to live here.  And eat.  And sleep in a bed.  That’s what you get.

Sorry, I digress.  Back to delegation.  Here are the questions I pose to every group of women when I am speaking with them about How to Get it All Done, housework being one of them.

1.  What am I doing that other people could or should be doing?

2.  What am I doing that is really a way to hide from doing the things I don’t like doing?

3. What am I doing that I know I need to STOP doing?

Who else could clean your house?  Maybe you can’t afford a house cleaner, but think about how you can delegate some of it, or all of it.  Swap, trade, barter?

What are you doing for the people in your house that they could really do themselves?  What do you hate doing?

I share this story often.  I loathe two things…1) pairing socks from the dryer and 2) shredding papers.  One day a magic thought happened and I decided to pay my small people to do these tasks.  $1 for pairing socks in a giant basket I put them in and $5 for shredding (they were about 9 when I started this).  They were thrilled and guess what? I was relieved. 

Sometimes you tinker around the house doing things to avoid the “elephant in the room” and sometimes we do it to use the excuse of “I’m so busy, I couldn’t possibly__________(fill in the blank)”.

Even though I really like to clean (I know, I’m a freak of nature), I pay a house cleaner to clean twice a month.  She does a terrific surface job but I still need to vacuum, pick up, manage the kitchen everyday, etc.  But I never have to worry if the bathrooms will get cleaned, if the sheets will get changed, if the furniture will ever get dusted.  It’s worth every penny.  I will stop eating out and color my own hair before I let her go.  It’s worth it that much to me.

So, answer the questions above honestly and get back to me.