Just My Way of Thinking

The Week That Was

noreply@blogger.com (anamika) — Wed, 02 Nov 2011 02:07:00 +0000

Monday started off with preparing mango pie to be taken to Nithin's school for the Diwali celebrations at the Montessori.

Tuesday was the Diwali party. All the Indian moms contributed to a couple of hours of Diwali joy with music, food and crafts from India. It was a beautiful sight to see all the kids dance to Bhangra and Bollywood Music. We indulged in eating the goodies and savories made by other moms.

The week day evenings were busier than usual for the past few weeks due to practices for the upcoming Diwali Party for our community. Nithin was going to the Diwali dance with his age kids. I was happy that he was not clinging to me like last years' practices. I could just drop him off and pick him up and he went into the routine without issues. He is growing up fast and he is already 6!

Nikhil also was going to ramlila practices. B was playing guitar in the band that practiced songs for the Diwali party. I sang two songs - so music practice meant we four would go to the venue and the kids would play DS - but they were being good boys letting us sing. In fact, they also would sing our songs when we are back home.

Wednesday I had lunch with two of my fellow friends/moms. As usual, we chatted a lot about us and kids and this time we had lunch at the Thai restaurant near by. Fun times.

Friday was the arrival of B's parents. Their flight got delayed and it took them much longer in the travel than usual. They all got home at 1pm in the night.

During the day was the Halloween parade at the school which I missed at the last minute. I had mehndi applied in my hands by my beautician neighbor and that made me handicapped totally. I did not factor in the time required to get the mehndi dry, so I figured B has to go to the Halloween parade! It was a torture because I could not even make a phone call or pick up a call using my iPhone. I had gloves on my dried mehndi, so my swipe action would never work. Finally I had to use the thumb of my foot to swipe it ON and receive a call. Next time, I swear I will get it done towards the night, so I can sleep without feeling handicapped (pun intended!)

Anyway, mehndi was done and it looked colorful!

As I wait with bated breath for the much awaited Diwali Party in Saturday evening, Saturday morning begins with snow. All of a sudden, the weather turned unbearably cold. We had different engagements throughout the day and B and I were in the car on and off over the snowy roads. We did get through the commitments, went to party hall and set up music instruments and mic etc and came back home to get ready for the party.

The attire was decided already this time. B had bought me a saree just for this party from his India trip. I had also got the blouse stiched by an Indian lady. I discovered her through a friend and thank God, she had the bandwidth to stich my blouse in this festive season. So I was super thrilled about getting a blouse stiched in the US for the first time. With B's mom's help, I wore the saree, jewelry and the rest of the boys wore jubba.

The evening went by smoothly with our music performances. The disturbances of the mic were annoying. It was hard as usual to get the talking crowd to pay attention and keep quiet. But I was happy with our performance. I have to mention here that I could sing one of my all time favorite songs - I had been suggesting this song from before but the time time came now. It is 'Janeman Janeman tere Do nayan'.. from Chhoti Si Baat. I love Amol Palekar's innocence in this movie. So being able to sing my favorite song made the day for me!

Also I sang a duet with B - 'Sham' from 'Aisha'. Of course the whole orchestra gang did a great job and we all enjoyed the practices and the performance. The public review was encouraging as well.

Sunday was marked with the halloween parade within neighborhood. We lost power for the whole day almost. Heating up food in the stove without microwave is a pain. Thank God it came back toward evening and life soon became normal.

Monday evening was trick or treating. So finally it feels like we can breathe. That is the story of how eventful and happening last week was.

Zumba

noreply@blogger.com (anamika) — Wed, 19 Oct 2011 19:04:00 +0000

It was a pleasure attending our favorite Zumba class once again last evening.

Some of my friends were pretty regular at a point months ago in attending this class. That is how I started getting hooked to this one. The instructor is very good and she plays vibrant lovely music. Also, my experience says that if you are regular, even somebody like me (!) can pick up dance steps. The class gets filled up so much that if you need a decent spot, you have to arrive early. Decent means that you can get a good view of the instructor to copy her moves - or you are right behind one of those good dancers so you an refer to them when in doubt - and also there is enough room around you so that you don't risk stepping on somebody.

When each song ends and the next song begins, it is a pleasure to realize it is a song that you know and you have danced to in a previous class. She does bring in latest hit songs and introduces many new ones. It takes a while to get used to them and from then on, I am happy to hear them being played since I can manage the steps. She also brings in some Bollywood songs. I was super thrilled to hear this catchy song as a Cool Down song. I would have almost been dancing instead of doing stretches yesterday when I heard this particular one. Since I am not so up to date with new songs, it took some googling to locate this one.

Pee Loon from Once Upon A Time in Mumbai.

Anyway, this post is just to proclaim that ZUMBA is fun and if you have a chance to try it, PLEASE DO!

Bidding Good-Bye and the emotions associated with it

noreply@blogger.com (anamika) — Sun, 31 Jul 2011 12:36:00 +0000

As we stand on one side of the security check at the airport, while Appa and Amma are on the other, putting their hand bags in the conveyor belt for scanning, I felt helpless. I was wondering what more could I do at this point. The truth that we all will have to go back to our own lives, stared at me. Just 10 minutes before, I knew this moment will come and I can tell both Appa-Amma and me were dreading this moment. We don't want to break out into tears and make it awkward and difficult for each other. But the emotions associated with the good-bye moments were overwhelming us.

As B and the kids hugged them one by one, I did not know what to do. May be because the culture of hugging is not in our family, even though I am accustomed to doing it with US friends, wasn't I still not able to hug my Appa-Amma?

It was weird and it felt sudden when Appa just moved on to the line of security check. He did not want to break down. I could see that. Amma waved ta-ta at the kids and us too from the line.

As we watched them complete the processes and as I hoped he would turn back and see that I am still watching them, I could see them walk into the airport. He did not realize that we are still watching them. They don't have cell phone, so the only thing I could do was to wait for his call when they are completely settled.

Throughout the car ride back home, B and I were talking and talking about how life would be for them when they go back. To continue with my own life, there are challenges awaiting me.

Finally the phone rang after I had gobbled up yummy Appams at our friends' place in our street. Appa and I caught up. He sounded energetic and we laughed about surviving the emotional moment with minimal tears. As we walked home from the friends', we saw an airplane up in the sky and my younger one goes, "Amma, I think Thatha and Paatti are in that airplane" and waved at it!

The quiet of the home is not new to us. Whenever B's parents left, the front room has stared at us with the void. It was the same this time. The kids tried to find something that Thatha and Paatti have forgotten by mistake.

I hope everything goes well for my parents as they step into the retired life and restart life in Bangalore.

Life's new routine

noreply@blogger.com (anamika) — Wed, 13 Jul 2011 03:52:00 +0000

When kids had school, I was lost in a different kind of routine. Now it is different. No school for the boys. My parents are visiting us. So days are flying by so quickly. When you are in a routine bubble, it is so hard to break out of it. Each day has to be following the current routine and I cannot think of how I spent my days before this all started. I know when they go back, I will go back to the same old life - but it seems unthinkable now.

Timetable - we sleep late, but I don't like it when it is too late. I prefer to have the breakfast done by a certain time, then cook everyday for lunch and finish lunch by the same time everyday. Just because we don't have school does not have to mean that we do things out of schedule. That is just me and I stress myself around this a little bit.

Highlights of the summer so far are:

I thought I would not be able to remember how to make Tamil oriented dishes since we cook mostly Mallu at my home. But I have been doing a good job so far with making good meals for my parents. My joy knew no bounds when my parents say they like what I made.

I was amazed that I could go into this Tamil mode of cracking jokes and making parodies just because I have my Appa here. Some relations don't change over time and it is possible to be pick up from where we left. I am talking about being together in person - talking over phone is fun but different. To say the least, we do enjoy our conversations and a lot of time, listen to him talking whatever he chooses to.

Making travel plans to take them to some places and making them happen has been fun.

The best part is seeing the kids interact with them. When they enjoy and laugh at the pranks the younger one does and when they appreciate the older one for being the mature boy - I thank God for making this trip happen. Because I could not have showed them how my life now exactly is better than this.

Nikhil is hooked to the 7 Little Words' app in the iPhone. I am happy he can connect with Thatha and learn the valuable lessons of vocabulary and English that I got from my Appa. When we three jointly work on each puzzle, I know in my heart I had always dreamt of this to happen if my Appa visits.

A.C is running constantly. It is so hot these days. But I like the way it has been going.

A Beautiful School Year

noreply@blogger.com (anamika) — Tue, 07 Jun 2011 03:50:00 +0000

When I started Nithin at this new school, he cried one day - much less compared to the months of wailing in the car during drop off to previous school. Very soon, he made very close friends. What is more surprising is that the moms of these kids became real good friends. New friendships are interesting and fascinating. We enjoyed watching our kids play together and enjoy.

Pick up times during noon had an automatic chat session built in. We could not leave home with our own child without at least saying Bye to each other - even in case of hurry. All the kids in the school would leave, but our kids would play and play and we moms would chat and chat. Now I am not sure who was waiting for who? :-)

The kids learnt a lot during the school year. Socially, I could see Nithin blossom into a totally fine kid from the shy boy he was. It was truly a pleasure to see him open up with his pals. In the middle of the year, he used to cry if his close friends were absent from school. If they got picked up early, he has cried. But now, he seems to handle that much better. I am really thankful to his tiny friends for the role they played unknowingly in his social development.

Last Friday, the academic year ended. It was quite an emotional moment for me to see him walk into the stage with the graduate hat on. This whole year, whenever I picked him up in the noon, I have experienced the satisfaction of things working out the right way for him. When the boys giggled and ran around in the playground, my heart soared. I was never driven by the pressure of going to office after pick up. I let him have his fun time and then carried on with my mental ToDo list for the day.

Some afternoons, we headed straight to the restaurant where he wanted to have soup or Dosa. Some times we went to library. Most of the noons we relaxed sitting in our bed with the books he chose to read. Some we fought over Kumon while I yelled at him for not writing neatly. He would write one letter and run away from me and jump on the bed while I lose patience. I will really cherish the one academic year I spent with Nithin as a stay-at-home mom. Sometimes I stared at the clock which displays the date and time worrying about what lies ahead for me. I tickled him and cuddled with him and sometimes I was gloomy when he checked if I was sad.

The plan is to take care of the kids during summer. But I could not begin doing that without writing about the beautiful year that went by.

Mexico Times

noreply@blogger.com (anamika) — Thu, 26 May 2011 15:39:00 +0000

Once I got this idea of all inclusive vacation in a resort, my mind was so determined about making it happen right away. Here are the reasons:

I am still unemployed by choice (so far!), and I wanted to reap the benefits of not having to take a vacation to go on a family trip.
My boys are not too small - so traveling with them should not be a nightmare anymore.
The 9 year old and 5 year old have similar interests and get along well with each other regarding what they play and watch in TV. WHILE THIS LASTS, I wanted to make a memorable family vacation.

What started as an attempt to go with a bunch of friends' families, ended up as a family vacation. No regrets whatsoever!

All set with sunscreen and swimwear! On the day of departure, we were stuck in the Philly airport within the air plane for 3 hours - which was actually the duration of the flight itself. There is something with us and flights - we got stranded in the airport during our Disney trip and the connection flight would not take off due to mechanical issues. Anyway, when the flight finally landed in Mexico, I was more than thrilled.

Walking out of the airport, I was almost in tears because it felt like landing in India. The surroundings and the people all reminded me so much of the old Bangalore airport. For a moment, I could even picture my dad waiting there for me. That explains the teary eyed part, I guess.

Driving to the resort in the van arranged by the travel agent, don't laugh if I say it felt like
driving from Trivandrum airport to home. The weather, the coconut trees and the surroundings reminded me of the Shankumukham beach - all these came to memory.

As soon as we checked in to the room, we had decided to bid adieu to the sneakers and slipped on to flip-flops. We took it easy, had dinner and figured out where everything was in the resort.

The next morning, after breakfast, we headed to the beach. Pretty much every morning, we were at the beach until lunch time - when it got hot. The sea looked as blue as those pictures in the calendars. The sand was pristine and super clean. Nithin mostly focused on building sand castle. Nikhil helped him most of the time and also had his fun in the water. As days went by, my comfort level with the beach went up. Thanks to B, I ventured going the farthest into the ocean in my life.

One day, there was a sand castle competition. I motivated the boys to participate in it. B helped them a lot. I came up with the caption for the castle and we got a third prize of our team work called 'Templo Antiguo'. We were also called upon stage to receive the prize in the theater that evening.

One day, we went on a trip to Tulum to see ancient Mayan ruins. It got so hot so early in the day quite unexpectedly. The boys could not take the heat and would not let us listen to the tour guide's interesting talks that peacefully. After Tulum, we went to Xel Ha - the natural water park. B and kids ventured into snorkeling. I was not up for it, so I stayed in the land. Eventually Nithin was cranky and sleepy, so my not getting into water found its own meaning!

The dinners at restaurants within the resort were fancy. The only trouble was my being a vegetarian. They made some veggie stuff for me, but it is always a tension and I have go reminding them to make some.

It was funny to note that in Mexico, the Mexican food did not have sour cream as part of it. I had a tough time explaining what it is only to find out they don't use it that much. So the Mexican food we ate in U.S is what I expected, but it was not exactly the same. Thank God for the spicy salsas!

Overall, a trip for my lifetime. I will definitely cherish the memories of this trip always.

On raising the younger one

noreply@blogger.com (anamika) — Tue, 29 Mar 2011 01:18:00 +0000

Not to be mean towards the older kid, but with the younger one - there is a lot of 'first-time' things which makes it interesting. It is too gratifying to see the younger one go through different phases and get exposed to new things. But with the older one, those phases are over and I have to work harder than ever before to come up with such new things.

For example, during this school year, Nithin started in a new school. He cried a lot in the old school, but I thought that is the only choice. Now in this school, may be due to his age or sheer luck, he has found 2 best friends. Every time I go park the car for pick up , seeing him play in the school playground with them happily, I thank God for bringing him where he is now. It looks as though I was forcing him to adjust with his fate in the older school and that he is now truly happy where he is. This friendship will have to come to an end when this school year ends for all practical purposes. We truly owe the confidence boost and sense of feeling at home with this school to the friendships he has built.

Each day is interesting to see the things he speaks now - the new words he learns from school or his big bro'. The first time for many things - new friendships, play dates, first swimming lesson, first Kumon class, first skiing lesson and first Ice Skating lesson. It is a challenge to get him started with anything new and it is truly satisfying to see him get over that initial stumbling block and flow freely with the routine.

I don't know how to put this into words - but isn't this easy to achieve compared to dealing with the older kid where we have already finished all these milestones? Teaching the 5 year old ABCs and getting satisfaction when he is able to read a page in an easy book is the EASY way to get parenting satisfaction I feel. And in every step with your previous experience, you already know what to expect in the next step and you are mentally prepared for it.

Another point is that, with the younger however little they do, we are thrilled and satisfied because it for God's sake - just their first time! Shouldn't we have a celebration that he went into the class without crying? He stayed without us near him for 2 hours! And for his age, this itself is a big deal! The level of expectation from the younger is very less and so is easily achievable for him.

But with the older one - it is not easy anymore. You have to work harder to maintain what you have built and you have to put extra effort to find NEW things for him to do! To challenge him further is not as easy as it is teach the younger one ABCs!

Playdates and more fun

noreply@blogger.com (anamika) — Sun, 20 Mar 2011 02:07:00 +0000

John Lennon said: "Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans."

I would like to rephrase it to say: Life is what happens to you while you're taking kids to birthday parties and play dates.

What an eventful week that was!

Tuesday was B and my 11th wedding anniversary. I scheduled our annual physical appointment with our physician that day, so we both can go together to the doctor and B will take off also. I like to flow with the habits enforced by the health care culture here in the U.S. So if anyone of you have been skipping the annual meeting with doctor - here is a reminder from my side. Please go!

We cut a chocolate cheesecake (I love cheesecake and Nikhil loves chocolate, so he picked a chocolate cheesecake from the grocery store!) in the morning. Kids were excited because only on these occasions they get so much sugar as part of breakfast!

It was a week full of play dates for Nithin. Back when Nikhil was small, I should confess I never knew the concept of play dates. I never consciously arranged one for him so that he could develop social skills. I was too busy for them and I was not aware too. Now Nithin is having so many play dates with compatible friends. It is fun time for the kids. It is also chat time for the moms. The weather was so beautiful and we spent some time outside in the park soaking in the sun. Make hay while the sun shines!

Yesterday, we bid farewell to another family who are moving to India for good. The potluck dinner was delicious and too much fun with Antaksari and Dumb Charades. Another set of families where the kids played well and adults had some game time. I am glad to be where I live.

Weekend marked B taking Nikhil to soccer game while I took Nithin to a fun birthday party. It is a relief to see him not shying away from people and taking part in fun activities with other kids. It was again moms' talk time - a different set of girls this time. It was a week filled with a lot social interactions and laughter and fun.

Heritage Night

noreply@blogger.com (anamika) — Sun, 13 Mar 2011 21:59:00 +0000

In Nikhil's school every year, there is a multi-cultural evening called Heritage Night. Since we have been with the school for 4 years now, we knew what to expect. There is a big crowd of Indians who dress up in Indian clothing. But it was more colorful that what I had expected.

For the past one month, volunteers from our development had coached the kids to do a traditional Gujarati dance. That was one more thing to look forward to. It is always exciting for every mom/dad to watch their kid perform and there were many many parents who went through similar feelings that night.

I had volunteered to help man the India booth. There were so many yummy things people cooked and brought for sampling. People walked around from booth to booth sampling foods of different countries. India booth had delicious sevai upma, besan halwa, fryums, banana chips and gulab jamun which we all digged in along with serving the visitors politely :-)

"Do you want your name written in Hindi in a bookmark?"

Right at the booth, I landed the job of writing the names of visitors (mostly only kid visitors) in Hindi, the National language of India in bookmarks. I enjoyed this task since it put my Hindi writing skills to test. Of course, writing Indian names was easy - but I did have a real challenge with writing American names in Hindi. I managed to survive with Andrew and Zoe! But almost every kid and parents were excited when I wrote the kid's name in Hindi and handed over the bookmark to them. Some even got it written for other kids at home!

My initial reaction before going to the event was "Been there, done that!" But over there I met many folks who are attending this for the first time and seeing them I remembered my excitement of the facing the unknown years back- "when is the fashion parade", "what time is our kids dance"! I realized that the Heritage Night this time takes a new meaning for them. It is these newcomers who keep the spirit going every year!

Hurray!

noreply@blogger.com (anamika) — Tue, 08 Mar 2011 22:05:00 +0000

For the past one week, me and my Appa were laboring to submit a Passport renewal application for him using the new website called Passport Seva Portal. He could not successfully get past the login screen at his end in India, so he officially appointed me his travel agent in US. After getting through the creation of application and uploading the documents, we were shocked to note that the Normal appointment at the passport office is too far away for our needs. We needed to get an express appointment to proceed with our plans. Looks like these appointments open up a 8AM IST and they get filled up in no time and you had to wait the next day or another.

Since then my job was to book a Tatkal (meaning instantaneous) appointment - which was not an easy task. Every time I check for the availability of the Tatkal, all I got was "All Tatkal appointments have been booked, please try again later or another day". I kept trying at different times with despair.

Yesterday night, I tried at exact 8AM IST and I could not believe my eyes. I FINALLY saw the tatkal slots listed. My hands were literally shaking because I KNEW these will get filled up in no time. As I picked a slot and clicked "Book Appointment" keeping my fingers crossed, I saw the words "The slot you selected has been taken by another person. Please try again later". My heart sank! All the efforts went futile, I thought.

I knew LATER I may not even get this far. I could see that all the open slots that I had seen a minute earlier for the location I selected within Bangalore were GONE. I just tried another location in Bangalore and voila, I saw just ONE slot. I pounced on it and prayed to all Gods. My dad was doing the same thing from the one end - except that he can't even get as far as I can within the website. And I got the appointment!

I was never THIS happy in the recent past. Phew..! I called Appa to narrate this success story and now we can go ahead with the plans. Interesting experience - frustrating for the whole time but since I finally succeeded - now I have a smile! Little joys of life! Sense of satisfaction and accomplishment - isn't that all we want to take away from any experience!

Deceiving Samosas

noreply@blogger.com (anamika) — Fri, 21 Jan 2011 21:34:00 +0000

Once upon a time, in our suburban Philly area, there was only one Indian grocery store. But today within a driving distance of 5 miles, we can find at least 5 or 6 Indian stores.

These stores mostly keep Samosas next to the front counter. This is a difficult temptation for me to resist. If you give me the choice of a chocolate cake and a samosa, I will pick samosas any day. Spicy tangy items win over stupid sweet dishes. Except for cheesecake - the only non-desi dessert to which I cannot say No. I am digressing.

This fried item (fried in how many days old oil...hmm..we should not go that route) is more tempting when I am hungry and happened to enter the shop in such a state. Last week was one such occasion and a fresh tray of samosas arrived just then. I asked the shop keeper - "fresh hai kya" and he said "yes, madam". I said - "Pack 2 of those" considering the fact that B hates samosas and I have only been criticized for showing so much love buying extra ones for him.

After putting all purchased groceries in the trunk of the car, I carefully took out the samosa packet from the lot and put it on the passenger seat. I drove to the next stop which was an American grocery store , parked there and decided to eat one samosa. After all they should be savored when they are hot!

One bite and I almost broke the teeth. The samosa was super cold. It looked like the world's most beautiful samosa, but the outer coating was very hard. It was obviously taken out of a fridge just now. When I saw the tray of samosas being delivered in front of my eyes, I assumed they will be hot. I should have learnt my lesson from my previous such experiences.

How many ever shops they may open, the samosas are always cold. The filling is never great. When a mass order of samosas is catered, it is again disappointing to see the poor quality. This post is dedicated to Poor me who still forgets these lessons and keeps buying them with hope!

Snow and hours of phone chatter

noreply@blogger.com (anamika) — Fri, 07 Jan 2011 20:29:00 +0000

Instead of drafting huge pages in my mind and never writing them out - why not, wrote about just TODAY!

We woke up today morning to see snow and the phone rang over and over.
"Is the school closing today? Is there a 2 hour delay? When are they going to make the call or email to us?"

Moms in our neighborhood called each other and said the same thing.

Schools did not make an announcement. B went early to office. I stayed home with Nithin, thanks to my neighbor/friend who offered drop the older one to school.

I made a call to my friend and we ended up talking for 3 hours. We spoke about everything under the sun - a much needed talk for both of us. I have always seen that I rediscover myself or understand my emotions more clearly when I talk to FRIENDS. I hope to have been a help to her also - but it has been months and months since I had that kind of talk with anyone.

I must also admit that talking to a girl friend is a totally different kind of pleasure than talking to guys. There is something totally different with the way girls connect, right! It is not that we have to be talking about nail polish or make up. It is our emotions which make total sense to each other - it would take a lot of explaining to make a man understand them!

I did let my younger one go wild on his computer games as I was chatting away. I felt a little guilty about it. It felt very much like a holiday with not having to drive him to school. I did spend time with him reading and helping him write a Kumon workbook.

In the afternoon, I cuddled up with him and laughed some more. I pretended that I am going away for 2 days and enjoyed him say: 'No, Amma, don't go!' . These little games we play!

SAHM Experience so far

noreply@blogger.com (anamika) — Wed, 08 Dec 2010 14:10:00 +0000

Month 5 is on the run. The first month was spent in India. The next months flew by with gearing up with school and kids activities.

Phase I:
Initially, I was worried about what people's reaction would be on my decision. Every time I have to tell someone I would worry about what they are going to say. I would pray they say something of the sorts that would not call me dumb. To my own surprise, I got more positive reactions about making the decision than otherwise.

Taking a break from career was not looked down upon. Especially friends who knew me well, thought it was right to spend some time with kids - especially where they are young. Most did not have a doubt about me getting back into the career because of my work experience. Most would love to do that and could not afford to do that due to financial commitments.

Everyone trusted that being here in America, we had the freedom to take a break and not having to worry about coming back to the career world. We see so many who change their careers drastically. So nothing is impossible.

OK..the initial reactions were positive. Some cautioned me not to take too long a break. It could mean that you could risk your position in the job market. I agree with that.

Phase II: First few months at home
The questions were like this: "OK, how do you pass time each day?"
"What do you all day?"
"When are going back to work?"

Hmm..I was irked by some and smiled at some. With two kids, I am still planning each hour of my day. My day revolves around their calendar. Their drop off, pick up, activities and school projects. Especially with the younger one going to school for just 4 hours, pick up time arrives before I finish up my groceries or cooking and there I am rushing to pick him up. I took up more social responsibilities with planning and executing of events or participating more actively. So that keeps me busy too.

One things is true - I am EARLY for most appointments. I was early at the gym before the class trying to kill time on treadmill before the instructor arrived. I was an hour early for a doctor's appointment and went to their cafeteria and grabbed a coffee to kill time. I consciously try to be not late for anything and I am so obsessed with looking at the clock and reverse-planning everything based on a deadline.

Another FACT is that - you think that you will have the best vacation of your life when you take a career break. It is true that you get more time to do everything and you can pay more attention to details on most tasks. But down the lane, it is not a vacation - but you are caught in a routine-bubble now.

Remember, when you took a day off from work and how every minute was precious that day. Well, now everyday is at your hands - but still you cannot think OUT OF THE BOX that easily anymore. You have to consciously PUT EFFORT to REMIND yourself to DO THOSE THINGS you DREAMT OF DOING WHEN YOU WONT BE WORKING. Because otherwise you might just flow with the mechanical routine - it is not work related, but home related now.

Phase III: With my in laws leaving back to India, this is my next phase. I am all by myself with the kids and B. The first two days were awfully quiet and cadaverous at home. (Confession: Cadaverous is a new word I learnt helping out with my son's school project. It means: deathly, pale). I am slowly getting used to it.

Kids like me this way - less stressed and relaxed. Once in a while, a worry creeps up in the back of the mind. When should I start looking for a job? Is it too late already? I tell myself I still have something more to achieve from this conscious break. And I go on!

Too long a post, eh? When you guys said "I do", you did not know what you were getting into!
Chuckle!

Anyone listening?

noreply@blogger.com (anamika) — Wed, 01 Dec 2010 16:54:00 +0000

I can hear you muttering : -"If only you spoke?"

Can you do me a favor? Can you put a comment in this post, so I know who all might be reading me - it helps to think of different people I know and may be some I don't know to think of what and how I may write..

Will you please autograph here?
TIA!

Endhiran experience

noreply@blogger.com (anamika) — Tue, 05 Oct 2010 03:08:00 +0000

Thanks to a close friend who let me know that 'Endhiran' was in town. We booked the tickets online after a lot of thinking. The weekend schedule was already tight - but I had to fit in the Tamil movie in theater anyway.

Reasons are the following.

I am still as young at heart as to feel the desire to watch a movie in theater. During my India trip, I interviewed a lot of people (friends and family) - most of the people in my age have given up watching movies in theater due to various reasons. I was telling myself - I still love watching them in theaters and would do it anytime provided I hear good reviews.

Watching an Indian movie in theater is a rare happening in the area that I live. Especially Tamil or Malayalam movies get screened very rarely.

I had not watched 'Endhiran' clips at all since we don't have SUN TV at home now. So everything I see would be new to me.

But the very fact that the story line and dialogues for the movie come from the author I adore - SUJATHA alias S.Rangarajan - was enough for me to go see it.

Other super compelling factors were, of course, Rajini and Shankar.

I did not know whether my family would blame for taking them to the movie - but I was willing to take the risk.

It was a risk worth taking.

As we drove near the theater following the directions in GPS, we felt reassured to see Desi faces and cars. I felt like I am home. Watching the people at the popcorn stall, corridor and the row of seats just before us, I could feel the connection with them. What binds us together was the hope to see a good movie based on our experiences with Shankar, Rajini, ARR and Sujatha.

Not only did I enjoy the movie, but my boys loved it too. Thanks to subtitles and wonderful special effects, B was entertained very well.I was laughing at Chitti's innocent questions - could see Sujatha's naughtiness in them very well. Special effects were exemplary and I have never seen anything to compare in any other Indian movie. Of course, the theme is very well known to me as I grew up reading multiple short stories and novels by Sujatha - so I could agree with it more so ever. The narration of the story is captivating. The events unfold one after other, in an unpredictable sequence. I could not guess what would happen next. Strong screen play and dialogues. Rajini's acting as the bad guy, Chitti and Vasee was awesome.

As I grew up, I was a Kamal fan.It was almost like a religion to us - are you a Kamal fan or Rajini fan was the question among cousins. Now after these years, watching this Rajini movie in US theater, I felt so thrilled and excited because I am proud that this wonderful attempt was made in Tamil. I admire Rajini for what he is - a great entertainer. Hats off to Shankar for realizing this!

Initial SAHM Days

noreply@blogger.com (anamika) — Sat, 25 Sep 2010 03:09:00 +0000

The first week I came back from India I slept - napped with Nithin in the afternoon while the older one went to school. Yet again, sleeping in the night was not a problem for me :-). After 3 or 4 days of marathon sleeping, I finally felt healed physically from all the running around I did in India. I would always cherish the vacation in India - for it was my own time, my own decisions pretty much about what to do where I did not have to worry about kids' health or anything. Seeing my Appa happy to have me around for hsi 60th birthday, meeting my relatives who have known me since my birth, catching up with my old friends with whom I share a unique relation - was all so precious. Knowing that my kids are in the best hands here in IS, I could relax and enjoy the most in India.

Back is US, I checked out a simple Montessori school for Nithin. It is a half day program with lesser number of kids and more emphasis on academics for the time he is in school. He cried the first day since he has been home all summer and he was not going back to the old school. I too wondered if I am doing the right thing. But he warmed up quite sooner than he did for the first school.

Now my whole day revolves around the boys' school schedule and after school activities. With parents in law here, I have not seen the loneliness which probably is awaiting me soon. I am mentally relaxed and free and am able to focus on Nithin without my thoughts wandering off elsewhere (work pressure, commute etc). The initial days of SAH- Motherhood seem to be going well. There are moments of laughter, cuddling and tickling with Nithin. Sitting with Nikhil doing his school work and Kumon, we did accomplish our mini-goals.

Two days ago, was Nithin's 5th birthday. I knew how much he would love to have his close friends whom he has not met in a while. I wanted him to have the celebration right on the day he was born. Thankfully, even with my last minute notice, the boys' parents were able to bring them. We had a simple party with a craft activity and Pinata. Ben 10 cake was what he asked for.
The arrangements for the party kept me quite busy for some days.

Will keep you updated.

Final Days of Vacation

noreply@blogger.com (anamika) — Sat, 04 Sep 2010 16:42:00 +0000

The first week flew in Chennai. The second week went by meeting old friends and family in Bangalore. I cannot emphasize how much I love to catch up with old folks. Talking about the old times, meeting their family and kids, chatting about how busy life is now - it was a unique experience with each one of them. A meeting like that does not happen without both the parties taking interest and putting the extra effort to break from the daily routine to make it happen. I was happy that most of the 2 weeks went the way I hoped for, planned for.

Mini bullets of my observations:

Of course, a trip without responsbilities is an experience to have. Not having to think about what to feed the kids and not having to worry whether they will fall sick was a relief.
Catching up with relatives and friends was a bliss.
Enjoyed eating out for 2 weeks until the bug caught me the third week in Trivandrum.
Having to bid good-bye without eating Kerala Parotta in Trivandrum is a tragedy.
Life is hectic everywhere - families with kids are running around restlessly - no time to breathe - be it US or India.
One should be blessed to get a good servant maid - not that easy to get one and retain her!
When you stress too much for something to happen, it just falls into place so easily and happens
When you are so sure about something, you see it JUST does not happen.
It is a thrilling feeling when you walk down a road you have not walked in ages and you are able to locate an old friend's home from your memories
Different people retain different memories of the same time/age from the past and it is a delight to share them.

I will cherish the memories of this vacation for ever. To end the post, let me quote what Nikhil said over chat. When I land in Philly and he meets me - he said that is the happiest moment of my Ammahood! I was amused by the term he coined - Ammahood!

Second Day in Chennai

noreply@blogger.com (anamika) — Tue, 17 Aug 2010 16:14:00 +0000

I woke up at 4.30 but continued to lie down for some and finally woke up. I was tempted to dial B's number in my Appa's mobile. After chatting with my talkative son 2 over phone, I switched on TV and browsed. I landed a program with randon Tamil songs being played. Sipping morning coffee and watching good old Tamil movie songs in India, I could not remember how long ago I would have enjoyed this combination. May be it was way back when I was single and living with my parents that I felt this exact feeling.

I went for a morning walk with my dad and 2 of his elder brothers to a surprisingly beautiful and decent walking trail around a lake in this Chennai suburb. When confronted by a cow on the way, I wished my boys were here with me then - they would be amused to see the cow blocking our way. Talking to my old uncles and walking with them was a nice moment.

Rest of the day flew by with usual chores of shopping and visits to stiching center and dry cleaning shops. At RMKV, we shopped for a festive occasion and I enjoyed looking at the colorful sarees and Indian dresses.

We ended the day by visiting the eldest uncle in the family and sought the blessings of his and his wife. Watching my dad talk and laugh aloud, sharing stories of weddings in the family, most of which I was part of when I was a school girl was all enjoyable. The pace is picking up. Jet lag is wearing off.

I was surprised to see a descriptive email from Nikhil 'dedicated to me'. Nice things do happen when there is a change in life.

Semicolon

noreply@blogger.com (anamika) — Sat, 14 Aug 2010 02:49:00 +0000

When I parked the car and got out this Tuesday, I could see Nikhil waving at me from the window in 2nd floor -"How was your last day,Amma?", he screamed. As I entered the home, both the boys came right to the door step and hugged me tight. It was my last day of work before I become a SAHM by choice for sometime.

I have been contemplating this move since some months. Kind of tried to push me away from the decision, tried to chug along with the long commute, guilty feeling of not devoting time for kids with a tireless smiling face and the ad-hoc conditions of operations of work with the budding new product. Finally, I saw signs around me that said - JUST DO IT for your peace of mind. B supported it. Kids welcomed it. I took the step.

When I resigned, I worried about what will be the reactions of different people around me. I realized that even when I make decisions after a lot of thought, I am the kind who seeks approval from everyone for my actions. It is the way I was brought up - I cannot be totally careless about the 'opinions' of people. Close friends and family had seen me go through a tough time in coping with work and commute. They could understand me. My colleagues really opened up and they could see my point in my current stage of life. So I bid good-bye to some good friends and colleagues. I was lucky to have a manager who provided lot of options for me to stay back. I am grateful to have had him as my manager - or else I would have left a while ago. In spite of all that, my heart kept telling me to see a change in life.What I will miss most about this work place would be the PEOPLE again.

It is not a period - I would like to think of break as a semi - colon. The sentence will continue some time later.

As I look ahead, I realize I will get bored eventually, will get tired of screaming to the boys when they fight with each other. At that point, I will look into getting back on the groove, but for the moment, it feels like the right thing to do. I did enjoy working for the past 13 years. But now, I want to take a break - not having to worry about waking up early, beating the traffic, driving 45 min sounds like a welcome change. Being there for son 1 when he comes back from school. Being there for Son 2 before he goes to kindergarten next year and reading books to him. Not having to bother B about my work-woes. Cooking some nice meals without thinking of it as just a chore. Driving Son1 to activities. Helping MIL with cooking as long as she is here. All these sound appealing now.

I am leaving to India tomorrow to meet my dad on his 60th birthday. I am glad I am able to go.
It will be just myself in India for 3 weeks. The kids are here with B and his parents. As much as I am excited to have a fun trip and some nice times with my parents, friends and family, it pains to see Nikhil emotional. He surprised me by making a 'MISS YOU' art work with his 'haiku' on me. Seeing this, the younger one got the help of grandma and made a similar card for me. I am treated so special because they will see me only after 3 weeks. I am touched.

Will keep you all updated from India.

SIL, BIL, Pyar Vyar

noreply@blogger.com (anamika) — Sat, 31 Jul 2010 16:42:00 +0000

What a month this has been! Starting from the day, B's older brother and family arrived from Kuwait, it was times of fun, music, travel and chats/debates after dinner. Each day went by visiting Niagara, D.C, Philly, New York and North Carolina.

I have spent only a day or so with them during our India trip - both our families were visiting India and we had our own hectic schedules. This is the first time we are spending quality time together. It was great to find out that I could be myself with SIL and BIL (sis in law and bro in law). They were good enough to laugh at my silly jokes tirelessly. It was nice to share girly talks with SIL - I did not grow up with a sister, so now I could see what I have missed.

Our kids enjoyed the times with 'cousin brother' and never asked for us. As we get ready to drop them to JFK and bid adieu, it surely feels like life has come to a standstill. What will we do next week? Going back to our normal routine life seems so boring and action-less now.

I know all good things have to come to an end. I am reminded of the lull in my parents' home after my relatives went back after a visit.The railway station platform, waving at cousins (or Appa when he was working in a different city), till the train takes them so far away that you don't know whether the hands you are looking at are theirs or not. Times when we said bye to folks, not knowing when we will meet again and which stage in our life we will be at that time. It is not railway platform, it is usually airports these days - but the feelings are the same.

Goodbye times are always hard - but I guess life must go on!

Nice weekend

noreply@blogger.com (anamika) — Tue, 15 Jun 2010 12:13:00 +0000

It was quite an eventful weekend. Mini highlights are driving to places I have not been before - this is a big milestone for me. I hate driving - but this felt good when I reached the destination.

It was a milestone for B also. The cookbook project he has been part of as a photographer from the church came to a completion. The first copy of the book was released in a very nice simple function where people spoke their hearts our in complete sincerity. We all felt glad to be part of it.

Also, I took the courage to wear saree by myself to take part in the function. That is a milestone for me, since I dread 'wearing the saree' a lot.

Sunday evening, we set on 'drive to a random location' exercise. B looked up Hoopes Reservoir in google maps and we drove there. When we reached the place, the bridge was closed so we could not go further. But we stopped by a lake and took some pictures of the lake.

While driving back we realised that the date was June 13. That means, it was exactly 10 years since we landed the US of A. This called for a celebration and we went to TGI Fridays for dinner. Thoughts of coming work week peek in my mind and threaten me - it is Sunday blues for me. But I tell myself - enjoy this evening! Thus endeth the weekend!

May update

noreply@blogger.com (anamika) — Mon, 07 Jun 2010 12:17:00 +0000

The month of May flew by fast. We engaged a painter to make the most of our home colorful. Picking colors was a tough task, but we managed to come out with flying colors (all pun intended). The idea was to get the home all painted before B's parents arrived the end of May. All the work did not get over before they arrived, but we managed to get our dining and breakfast room furniture replaced with new ones.

B's parents are here. Kids were excited to welcome them. They were excited to meet the kids after 8 months. Nithin's last day at school (day care) was last Friday. He will spend the summer with them at home. Nikhil's school year will be over within 2 weeks. The boys will keep the grandparents on their toes.

It has been a while since I committed to having guests for a dinner/lunch at home. Life has been busy with the long drive and work that I am scared to commit to anything. But yesterday's gathering was one thing we arranged a month in advance. Our close family friends (4 families) were invited to our home for lunch before some of the visiting moms from India go back. One family could not make it, but we did have some fun time. Saturday went by in cooking and the end of the day, I made sure we all get out for a drive to 'somewhere'.

Somewhere was picked by B. We went to Nolde State Park, an hour's drive from our home. It was nice and green - it was late evening - did not do much there - but it was good to explore some of those trails. Kids biked a little. We had some pizza in a near by restaurant and headed back home.

The next morning, was Nikhil's turn to give a small speech in the church about his experience with God/Prayer. This reminded me of all the elocutions I have taken part when I was small. I realised that it is not possible to make him do all that I would have done. He has to say what he feels like saying and pushing him to say what I want him to say won't really work. He did his job and he did good in being extempore.

Next month, we are awaiting B's elder brother and family over from Kuwait for a vacation here. The summer will fly quickly - it looks like!

First Piano Recital

noreply@blogger.com (anamika) — Tue, 11 May 2010 19:12:00 +0000

Not me. My son 1. He started learning recently. Just thought of trying it out - this place was close to him and we heard a lot of kids we know are going there to learn music. The teacher was a 'sir' and Nikhil was excited. We bought small piano and he practices at home. His teacher said that he can perform in a concert. All his students are going to go up on the stage and play couple of songs. Nikhil wanted to be a part of it right away. These are two very simple songs and I am sure there are tons of kids who are playing piano in the concert today. It may not be a big deal - but since it is the first time my son is playing in a recital, we are excited. I am getting his clothes and the new black shoes ready. As soon as he comes from school, we have to dress him up and feed him and drive to this place where the concert is. He seems to be confident. of course I have no clue on how play any instrument. Let us see how it goes!

Last name and signature

noreply@blogger.com (anamika) — Wed, 05 May 2010 23:48:00 +0000

Back in school, probably 7th grade or so, I practiced putting my signature. It was like I was preparing myself for a day when I will be asked to sign and oh my God, I have to work on it to be able to sign. Wherever there was free space in a piece of paper, I kept on signing and signing and practicing.

Back in India, there was no concept of last name in my family. We had an initial and that's it. So my signature also had my first name and initial.

After coming to US, I had to use last name everywhere starting from passport. But signature remained the same. Never had any issues there so far.

Recently a form I sent somewhere got rejected because they said my signature did not match my full name. My signature is what it is - why should it match my name! Grrr!

Whatever..I need the approval of the form..so I had to sign with my full name for the first time in my life. It felt weird.

How hard to control the mind - blabbering post

noreply@blogger.com (anamika) — Fri, 30 Apr 2010 12:14:00 +0000

I push and drag and force it so hard. It goes back to the same thoughts. I am surprised and shocked by what it happening to me. When did I change and why did I change? Is the age that is doing this to me? I am not forty yet, but I feel really weak and tired. I am exhausted from all the running around and I feel so burnt down. I need a break - is all I am asking every second. Whatever I do, I am coaxing my mind to drag for another day. I really don't know how long I can do this.

P.S. All is fine at family front.