Chester Chronicle - And Finally

And Finally... The man who is fluent in Klingon (apparently, with video)

Mon, 06 Jul 2009 12:38:09 +0000

WELSH speakers are more likely to be able to master the difficult Klingon language beloved of all Star Trek fans.

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Computer expert Alex Greene of Wrexham, one of a select group of people who can speak Klingon fluently, believes that's because the creators drew on several languages, including Welsh, for the intergalactic dialect.

The 46-year-old Star Trek fan said: "I do believe that if you can speak Welsh, you have an advantage where Klingon is concerned as some sounds are similar such as 'll' and 'ch'."

And Finally... Chimps escape from zoo and ransack kitchens

Mon, 06 Jul 2009 11:40:14 +0000

Visitors were evacuated from Chester Zoo on Sunday - and hundreds more turned away - when 30 chimpanzees escaped from their enclosure.

The primates broke out of their secure confines into a keepers' area where their food is prepared.

Staff, experiencing one of the busiest days of the year, were forced to shut the 110-acre site as a precaution.

And Finally... Grand TV entrance of the day (video)

Thu, 02 Jul 2009 14:53:29 +0000

I've never driven a moped, but I can't imagine it's that difficult? Either way, you'd expect this guy to have a practice first...

And Finally... Pro swimmer flashes her bum after suit splits (pic)

Thu, 02 Jul 2009 10:35:15 +0000

Poor Italian swimmer Flavia Zoccari found herself in a tight spot when her bathing suit split before a showpiece event.

(More images at Mirror.co.uk)

The water babe tried to cover up her cheeky side when the fastening on her wetsuit-like cossie failed - leaving her bottom exposed.

The embarrassing wardrobe malfunction happened just before the start of the 200m race, forcing Zoccari to withdraw because there wasn't time for her to change.

And Finally... "One ice cream, a pot of urine and some DNA please"

Wed, 01 Jul 2009 11:33:00 +0000

A police force has been storing samples from suspects and car crash victims alongside ice cream, according to a report.

West Yorkshire Police was subject to a joint inspection by Her Majesty's Inspector of Prisons and Her Majesty's Inspector of Constabulary in October 2008.

The inspectors said the management of the samples needed urgent attention to avoid undermining prosecutions.

And Finally... "I know, let's use a toilet to open a bottle of wine!" (video)

Wed, 01 Jul 2009 10:32:25 +0000

I wonder if their party went down the pan after this...

And Finally... X-Factor auditions delayed after teen dislocates knee

Wed, 01 Jul 2009 10:11:10 +0000

Auditions for X-Factor had to be delayed for an hour after an audience member raced in to get a front-row seat - and dislocated his knee.

Simon Cowell, Cheryl Cole and the other judges waited for an ambulance to come and take the unnamed 16-year-old to hospital to be X-rayed.

A spokesman said: "We wish him a speedy recovery."

One member of the crowd at Birmingham's NEC on Monday said: "They skipped six of the acts as a lad dislocated his knee and had to wait for an ambulance."

And Finally... Police set up "perv patrol" at nudist beach

Tue, 30 Jun 2009 09:27:52 +0000

A popular nudist beach is to get a "perv patrol".

Wardens will police the dunes at Studland Bay - a famous gay haunt in Dorset - to spot sexual misconduct and incidents which threaten to "bring naturism into disrepute".

Sgt Des Connor said: "This new venture will reduce anti-social behaviour."

And Finally... Good news for lovers of wonky veg

Tue, 30 Jun 2009 09:12:59 +0000

Curvy cucumbers and knobbly sprouts will be back on supermarket shelves following an EU U-turn on wonky vegetables.

On Wednesday, Brussels will lift a ban on the sale of misshapen fruit and veg, which could see prices fall 40%.

For 30 years, farmers have been binning up to a fifth of produce which breached size and shape rules.

But now ugly items may be sold as a budget range in shops.

Previously, cucumbers could be sold only if they curved less than 1cm for every 10cm. Cauliflowers had to measure 11cm in diameter and forked carrots were a no-no.

In all, 26 fruits and vegetables, including brussels sprouts, carrots, cherries and plums, were covered by the restrictions.

Sainsbury's, which lobbied for the rule change, said: "It'll reduce waste."

Tesco added: "We look forward to selling curvy cucumbers and knobbly carrots."

Food and Farming Minister Jim Fitzpatrick said: "Some people aren't bothered what shape their five-a-day is."

And Finally... There ain't no party like a Swine Flu party

Tue, 30 Jun 2009 09:03:21 +0000

Parents were warned today not to take their children to "swine flu parties" in the hope they will catch the disease now and build up immunity.

Although no firm evidence has emerged of such events taking place, family website mumsnet.com has witnessed discussions over whether parents should take steps to ensure their children acquire immunity before the main flu season in the winter, when some people expect the virus to be more potent.

For many years, parents have deliberately exposed their children to playmates with chickenpox in order to allow them to have the once-only disease at a convenient time, but British Medical Association expert Dr Richard Jarvis today warned against taking the same approach with swine flu.

His warning came the day after news emerged of the first death of a child with swine flu in the UK.

And Finally... Woman given £20k to examine ladies' bums

Mon, 29 Jun 2009 10:00:29 +0000

The national lottery has just handed out its cheekiest sum yet - £20,000 to an artist to study women's bottoms.

Sue Williams, of Swansea, is getting the funding to examine different attitudes towards "female buttocks".

She hopes to study its significance to different cultures. She claimed: "It is quite clear the bottom is sacrosanct to the African man and woman."

But Lib Dem MP Adrian Sanders said: "No doubt some people consider this is a good cause, but the majority buying lottery tickets are bound to question this."

And Finally... The world's ugliest dog

Mon, 29 Jun 2009 09:44:44 +0000

They say looks aren't everything - but her jaw-dropping appearance won £600 for Miss Ellie, officially the world's ugliest dog.

The blind, pimple-ridden, 15-year Chinese hairless walked off with the title at Sonoma Marin, California

And Finally... Who moved that chair? (video)

Fri, 26 Jun 2009 09:24:52 +0000

This doesn't really need an introduction, but the female host's reaction is golden...

And Finally... Wallabies on opium cause crop circles (apparently)

Fri, 26 Jun 2009 09:10:09 +0000

UFOs and pranksters have been blamed for them in the UK but it seems that in Tasmania crop circles are being blamed on stoned Wallabies.

The animals are snacking in opium poppy fields are getting "high as a kite" and hopping around creating crop circles.

Tasmania is the world's largest producer of legally-grown opium for the pharmaceutical market.

And Finally... Ballgirl gets to play Tommy Haas at Wimbledon (video)

Thu, 25 Jun 2009 12:21:18 +0000

Two ballgirls found themselves the centre of attention on Court One yesterday - for very different reasons.

First, Erin Lorencin felt just how powerful French star Michael Llodra can be when he crashed into her while racing across the grass trying to return a shot.

As Erin, 15, sat somewhat startled on the floor and the Frenchman received treatment for an injury, lucky Chloe Chambers got to play a few rallies with Llodra's opponent Tommy Haas.