and i defied the gods

New Beginning...

noreply@blogger.com (MAY) — Fri, 23 Jan 2009 02:16:00 +0000

Wow... it has been months since I last wrote something... aside from "facebook-fever", I was so busy setting my goals for the past months... I tried so hard to set aside my personal interests and focused on what I needed to do for my family and loved ones... I was so busy fixating myself on future dreams and ambitions... And now that I finally got where I wanted to be... It's time to satisfy my inner thirst... the desire to write and the passion to speak what I think and feel...

I will no longer post another thread here... but you could visit another site I am currently developing... it's not yet finish... Hopefully I could finish it within the month... :)

I feel blessed and happy for the year to come... I am hoping and praying things will be different this time around :)

the new blog site that I am currently fixing is: http://its-may.blogspot.com/

Don't expect too much yet as, it is still in the "twilight" stage :) but hey... everything starts with one step... so here I go again... :)

in the end

noreply@blogger.com (MAY) — Sun, 26 Oct 2008 20:18:00 +0000

I have always loved writing.. and probably will still write for as long as I live..

Unfortunately, like most chapters in books, it begins, reaches the climax, and then goes to its ending... Sometimes, a story gets a happily ever after ending.. Sometimes, the main character dies... and Sometimes, a journey stops unexpectedly and then begins a second round...

I have treasured this blog and kept it close to my heart, but I will have to bid farewell to this online journal... I have to end yet another chapter of my life...

My reason to end is simply because I believe it has come to a point that my body needs to step forward and move on... I'm sure I will be back soon to rock the blogging world again but for now, my moment has come to rest. Not just for my heart, but my mind and soul as well...

I will be back, I am sure of that, so I am not saying goodbye... I will still probably keep my old posts and I will promise to keep all the links I have on my blog roll... I really am not sure up until when my system can refrain from writing or from visiting my favorite blog sites.. But hey, the world will continue spinning for everybody...

This will be my last post so I'll make it long and worth reading...

When I was still young, like other young poets and young teenagers, I dreamt of a fantasy world. So much like Snow White, Cinderella, and Sleeping Beauty, where the princess would one day meet their prince charming and break off a dreadful spell from their lives. I lived a while to create my own fantasy and own dreams. I built my hope of love on stories like Romeo and Juliet, Midsummer Night's Dream, Little Prince etc... When I started growing up, I realized that life is really not that simple. That loving is not that good at all. It makes you weak, makes you hurt a lot and makes you stupid and crazy at times. This love I am referring to is not just the love you feel for that special somebody. The love of all sorts - friendly love, family love, lustful love, etc... Every love you have in your body gives you an equal power to hurt another person... And I started being afraid... And I guess the fear got its toll on me... I engaged myself in so many relationships that I forgot what really matters most - the heart, the kiss, the love-making, the moment... Everything was blurry... And now, I just realized, that loving doesn't mean it has to be perfect. Loving doesn't mean it has to be clear or wise or clean... Loving just means embracing the will of getting hurt and accepting the power of hurting another being...

So, why am I talking about love? It is because writing has been my number one love ever since God knows when... I was anxious of how I could change the world with what I love, but I didn't know where to begin or how I should start... And through this blog I was able to continue loving, continue dreaming and continue living... I've met wonderful friends, I've shared my opinion with different people, I've started to build a world that I truly admire and love... But, a lot of things happened without my control... a lot of things shattered amidst my hope of finding what I thought I had... And I don't want to get caught in a web of confusion and frailty of my heart, mind and body yet again... So I am now deciding to give my heart and mind a break... Free from thinking and free from being scared...

I know I said that love just means embracing the will of getting hurt and accepting the power of hurting another being... So, why am I running again? Why am I stopping here? It is because I am not yet ready to embrace that definition... and yes, I am still a scaredy-cat, who now has to hide and assess again things that are really never there... And I need to be sure, I need to confirm to myself that it is really not there... Or else, I would have to face my fear... And when I do, that's when I start loving again... that's when I start writing again...

So for now, I need to step aside and rest from this journey... "In the end of it all, it is you I will wait... and I will hope and I will dream, then maybe... just maybe...."

xs:
Thank you... Thank you for everybody who visited, who gave pieces of advise, who became my friend, who took time to read and took a piece of my life with them... Thanks for the heart, for the warmth and for the love of writing... Thanks for everybody who truly felt connected through each post that I wrote... Thanks for those blog who brightened up my day during the times I couldn't even force a smile... Thanks for those people who became a part of me as well for each day that I visited their site... Thanks for giving me life and the reason to love , dream and hope again... Thank you...

break from "emo"deness

noreply@blogger.com (MAY) — Fri, 24 Oct 2008 21:45:00 +0000

was running through my past emails and some emails caught my attention again.. I'll start of with this funny one I got from one of my college friends...

TOP TEN REASONS TO DATE AN ENGINEER

10. The world does revolve around us... we chose the coordinate system.

9. No "couple" enjoys a better "moment".

8. We know how to handle stress and strain in a relationship.

7. We have significant figures.

6. We have taken a course on the motion of rigid bodies.

5. Projectile motion... need we say more?

4. Engineers do it according to specification.

3. According to Newton, if two bodies interact, their forces are equal and opposite.

2. We know it's not the length of the vector that counts, but how you apply the force.

1. We know the Right Hand Rule.

Need we say more ...

:) nyak, mga Engineers talaga!

xs:
Engineer nga pala ako... hahaha

weather report

noreply@blogger.com (MAY) — Fri, 24 Oct 2008 02:25:00 +0000

Puta naman! Ang iniiiiiiiiiiiit!!!!!!!

Ba't ganito? parang hindi pasko.. napaka-init.. tipong nakahiga ka lang eh sobrang pawis ka pa rin.. kahit nakatapat na sayo yun electric fan napaka-init pa rin... Hindi naman ako mayaman para ipa-centralized ang bahay ko at ng hindi na magpawis ang katawan ko...

Kaya ba lahat ng tao tila mainit din ang ulo palagi? Yun tatay ko, an aga-aga pa lang eh nakasimangot na... (dahil kaya mainit o dahil hindi napagbigyan?) hehe.. Yun nanay ko, kabaligtaran, naka-tawa, nawili sa pag-exercise, mas ok daw kasi yung pawis na pawis, mas maraming "body fats" ang mawawala.. Yung mga aso naman namin, ayun tahol ng tahol.. wala namang tao... feeling ko pati sila init na init.. kawawa naman... Pero bilib ako sa mga kapatid ko... dahil kahit sobrang init na, hindi pa rin naalis yun habit nila na maligo ng mainit na tubig, ang tindi! Kahit sobrang init na ng panahon, nakuha pa rin nilang mag-init ng tubig pampaligo... astig!

Parang kahapon lang, sobrang init... Konting lakad ko pa lang parang gusto ko ng sumuko, bumalik pako ng bahay para magpalit ng t-shirt dahil feeling ko naja-jabar ako sa t-shirt na sinuot ko... Di kinaya ng powers ko ang matinding sikat ng araw... Napadala pa ako ng payong at pamaypay...

E di ba nga dapat malamig na ang panahon ngayon? Pano na makakapag-emote ang mga tao sa pagsapit ng pasko? Pano kakantahin yun mga christmas jingle na, "...malamig ang simoy ng hangin..." Sana may snow na lang din dito sa pilipinas noh?

Pero isa lang talaga ang masasabi ko... putangina! ang iniiiit!!! sana naman matapos na tong kahibangan ng araw at magpahinga na kakasikat ng sobra, give chance to others naman... ayoko din naman ng bumabagyo at umuulan, ang akin lang e, ok lang naman yung maaraw, wag lang yung ultimo pati pagpaypay ko eh mainit na hangin pa rin ang lumalabas sa pamaypay ko... badtrip eh...

xs:
Naisip ko lang... kung lahat ng tao, nag-iinit, baka lalong dumami ang populasyon ng Pilipinas... patay tayo jan... hehehe... :D

Thief of the night

noreply@blogger.com (MAY) — Thu, 23 Oct 2008 13:00:00 +0000

I remembered nights like this when your body warms my skin. When you try so hard to cover me and protect me from the coldness... Although I was not always sure if you were trying to shield me from the coldness of the room or from that coldness we built along the walls of our hearts.

I remembered how you gracefully kissed me from the middle of my forehead,down to my nose, your lips traveling to my cheeks then slowly to my ears, making sure I hear your soft sweet short breaths. I love how you shortly makes that detour, with no words and yet your sound brings this sensation inside me that wants to grab you, kiss you and keeps me wanting for more. You tilt my head and your lips wander down my neck, your tender lips goes down after each kiss, and then goes slowly to my nape. I shiver at each short breath you exert after each kiss as your lips play within this area of my body...

Then you come like a thief of the night, stealing my heart and breath.. Slowly, you crawled up from my toes to my face, and there you carefully stole the rest of me... devoting your own body straight into my soul. You held me like there is no tomorrow. You scream my name and grasp my hair gently, feeling each rub of our skin reach its final spot... Once, twice... You were the perfection of urges and desire...

Afterward, you cuddle me and wait for my eyes to close and sleep. Kiss me in the forehead as you see the smile of satisfaction and pleasure form my lips... It was another passionate night, a night we won't forget... a moment we'll just add to those others, but this time, it's different. It felt real...

You whisper, "Rest my dear and soon we'll be back to reality..." Because, like how you kissed me, one truth speaks.. there will be no tomorrow like this anymore...

It was the night you completely took my existence.. And I felt good...

On Kabaliwan (craziness!)

noreply@blogger.com (MAY) — Fri, 17 Oct 2008 22:46:00 +0000

I find myself having this urge for these past few days of downloading old movies. Movies like the notebook, boys and girls, pay it forward, my bestfriend's wedding, yada, yada, yada... Funny thing is my reason is simply because I wanted to find a reason to let go of my tears. In short, I wanted to cry. My bestfriend goes, "Are you drugs?" Hell yeah, I even downloaded tagalog movies like my BIG love, all my life and caregiver and believe me, I did cried on ALL those movies. So, why the hell am I bringing this up? Nothing much. I was actually trying to do my daily journal writing and I was like staring blankly at my screen for almost an hour and I couldn't come up with one single topic. Funny thing was, it was also being experienced by one of my blogger friends, RON . So we came up with a plan to write the same topic, which is to describe how crazy/disoriented we think we are. So, I started this post by that short introduction of me pouring my heart when I watch movies. Well, now let me start REALLY describing the crazy/weird/baliw/adik side of May.

Family first. I am the eldest among three. We're all girls in the family, aside from my father of course. Crazy thing about me when it comes to my family is you can consider me as the black sheep of the family. Negative as it is, it's simply because I AM crazy. I did a lot of crazy stuff to disappoint my parents, hell I'm not even close to my two sisters because they both completely shut me out of their lives. The craziest thing I ever did was to decide to leave our house and live on my own. And the reason I actually left was because I had an argument with my mom because of a guy who they didn't approved. I was out on my own for about 6 months, lived with a girlfriend and worked for my own. Then, I just suddenly decided to return.

Then my friends. I always had two constant set of friends. The third set is not very constant. And the latest set is a recent addition to my circle of friends. The first set I'm talking about is my highschool buddies. Second set is my college friends. The third set, which varies a lot, is my work buddies (officemates) and lastly, my blogger friends. Crazy thing about me when it comes to friends is I tend to be more trustful towards guy friends. I just started having real good girlfriends when I started working as a CSR in Sitel. My constant girlfriend and bestfriends right now are GF or VINCE, Chesca, Charm, Tin and Eaian. I currently stopped having a guy as my bestfriend. Not just because I was always having tendencies of mixing love and friendship along the way but because I wanted my last best guyfriend to be my last best guyfriend. I actually lost that friendship way back before and up until now I actually regret losing that friendship. But, we've grown apart, and as much as I wanted to bring back that friendship I know I never can anymore. So, crazy as it sounds, I stopped having guys as my bestfriend. The craziest thing I ever did for a friend is to write a snail mail (letter to be sent to U.S), and it was a 5-paged yellow pad back-to-back letter. The craziest part of it was I actually wrote each letter backwards. My friend didn't know if she should be awed or frustrated with the letter. The craziest thing I ever did with my friends is to get drunk in my own house, throw-up in my own house, and let my dad carry me from the second floor down to my bedroom in the first floor, convincing him while he was holding me - "Hey dad, I AM NOT DRUNK!!"

And then we have LOVE. I always have these two crazy principles about love. The first one is my original principle. The other one is a borrowed principle from one of my friends. The frist principle is, "Do the wrong things right and don't be afraid doing bad things, as long as you don't get caught." The second principle is, "There's a lot of love in our hearts that we can always share to everybody". I LOVE love itself. The crazy thing about myself is I am crazy when it comes to love. So much so that I am trying myself to stop being crazy altogether. The craziest thing I ever liked about love is the expression of loving somebody. I am constantly amazed as to how guys drool in front of their girls and still deny that they are head over heels in love with that woman. I get so crazy when guys gives me letters, 'cause I have always loved writing and always have loved reading, crazy thing is I've kept every single letter given to me since God knows when. I have all sorts - reco letters, love letters, tissue letters and candy wrapper letters. My most favorite letter came from one of my bestfriends before, where he actually folded papers into small stars, and each star had some sort of note on it about what he knows about me and all other stuff - that was really sweet of him...

And lastly me... I am crazy at times - most especially when it is raining. I am crazily sweet to everybody - so much that I think any guy could ever handle and so much that even girls think I am not straight. I am crazy to think that someday I would be famous and I can get to meet famous stars all around the world. My craziest dream is to have a day with Bill Gates, probably have coffee and smoke with him. My craziest wish is to be happy and content.. :)

That's it. So much for being crazy for this day. See how crazy I am, that I actually agreed to write this post? Hahaha... :)

Marathon

noreply@blogger.com (MAY) — Fri, 17 Oct 2008 10:51:00 +0000

I've always been a fan of tv series. The moment that series started hitting its popularity rate here in our country, I became an avid follower of BITUIN, PANGAKO SA'YO, and MARINA. But then from an avid follower, I became an obsessed lover of Meteor Garden. I collected the cd's of season 1 and 2 and even the short stories collection cd - seasons of fireworks. I memorized F4 songs, and even checked out the english versions just so I know what the hell I was singing all about. Then, I started looking into foreign series. I started watching Friends, and got attracted to Jennifer Aniston as "lRachelle" and God, how I envied her being so God damn beautiful and being Tom Cruise's love affection. Then I got particularly attached to Dawson's Creek. I loved Joshua Jackson as "Pacey" and Katie Holmes as "Joey", whom later on I also envied for the same reason as being Tom Cruise's love affection today, and having a beautiful cute daughter SURI. I voted for their JOEY and PACEY tandem, and eventually in the end of the series, they ended up together. I loved how the movie ended. I laughed, got mad and cried together with the characters.

Now, series are ramping up. I am getting myself currently involved with four series in particular. On my top list would be OTH - One Tree Hill. Second is Heroes. Third is Smallville. And lastly, Gossip Girl.

OTH is currently on its season 6. I love One Tree Hill, (aside from Chad being there).I love how each character is given chances to narrate somewhere between the episodes and how they share their views about their lives. I love the quotes being said by the characters and how at some point in time I go, "Hey, that is absolutely true!" I love how they tend to show real life situations, how they are able to show their strengths and weaknesses, how they turn to their friends and loved ones for help, how they overcome obstacles and how one's life can be altered, depending on one's decisions and will to change. I actually voted for Brooke and Lucas, but unfortunately the story didn't end that way, even in real life. I got really psyched when I found out that he actually married Sophia Bush, and then their marriage got annuled and that now he is engaged (yet again) to Kenzie Dalton. Dang that lucky girl Kenzie! And what? She's only 20, while Chad is 27. I should have been that girl (geeez! huhu..) I've been patronizing Chad and Sophia's relationship on and off cam. They got reactions from other people saying how they always make out, how sweet they look together and how perfect they are for each other. But, as the quote goes... "Not everything that perfectly fits, fits forever." I was saddened to see how something that perfect could still be broken. Haaay, buhay nga naman. But then again, Chad is still such a hottie, Sophia's loss (dang!). Maybe I should go and introduce myself to him, he might still change his mind about the engagement thing? hahaha. Oh well, MAY! Enough about daydreaming...

Next on my top picks is Heroes. It is currently on its third season. Now, this series for me is exceptionally different. Aside from the fact that this is about people with extra-ordinary abilities, as per the title of the series, it is also about people in the process of understanding their selves. About decisions that may affect your future and therefore, affecting your present as well. How people can be villains but good at the same time. How one deserves second chances at life, and how hard it is to judge one person just by one situation. I love the twists and turns of the episodes. I love how the show portrays different sides of a person, no matter how good or bad that person is.

Then, we have Smallville. Currently on an eight season roll. Although, this series is quite dragging already, as it prolonged the childhood/teenage stories of superman (hence the title Smallville), it still continues to draw my attention, filling my brains with awe and amazement with how the series provide answers to questions about how superman became superman. Yes, it is mainly because of how Lex, Oliver and Clark are such hotties and because of the hot chicks Lana Lang and Chloe Sullivan. (damn it, life is so unfair!) But, amidst the wonderful faces, comes their amazingly good portrayal of their roles. I love smallville because, every now and then it gives you a vivid picture about different kinds of relationships. How a bestfriend can fall in love to her bestfriend who loves somebody else. How a son can despise his father so much that he kills him. How a girl chooses to let go because she does not want to be selfish. How parents would do everything for their children. How a person becomes greedy when power takes over their mind and soul. And of course, this famous cliche about how goodness always prevails over evil.

Lastly, Gossip Girl. Only starting, and currently on its second season. This series definitely rocks. I love the music, I love the faces, the dresses, the vanity, the insecurities. I love this movie because it talks so much about teenage life in OUR generation. I love how it simply puts reality into each episode. How boy meets girl then hooks up. How girls fall in love with the same guy, and how "may the best bitch" applies to life. I love how friends find themselves quarelling over petty stuff and then find themselves in the end, helping each other out during the downfalls of their lives. I love this series because it discusses SEX, love, friendship, family, school, dreams and ambitions. I guess, the outstanding part about Gossip Girl is how it can give you certain ideas about life and about yourself that you already know but try very hard to hide it behind your back and suddenly you watch one of its episodes and BOOM! this something that you are hiding suddenly confronts you straight into your heart. And you suddenly ask yourself, "What the hell am I doing!?"

There you go. My favorite past time marathon thingie. I get myself updated every Tuesday, Wednesday and Friday so I could download fresh episodes of these series. Sometimes, you get to learn few things about yourself and about life by watching them and becoming part of the series itself. Personally, it moves my heart and mind everytime I watch these series. Everytime I'm drawn, it seems that time stops and I get to spend time contemplating about myself as well. I am a frustrated writer. And hopefully I could be like Lucas, who is able to write a book because he wanted so much to make a difference. To be heard and to be loved by people through what I write, be famous through words and be famous because I became a part of somebody's life. I hope I would be able to do that too... someday...

the man who can't be moved

noreply@blogger.com (MAY) — Thu, 16 Oct 2008 06:53:00 +0000

Heard this song and I was immediately drawn to its lyrics.

A song I've been pondering on the past few hours this day...

Cos if one day you wake up and find that you're missing me,
And your heart starts to wonder where on this earth I can be,
Thinking maybe you'll come back here to the place that we'd meet,
And you'd see me waiting for you on the corner of the street.

I'm completely having this LSS (Last Song Syndrome) Mode... Hopefully it stops already :)

pangarap

noreply@blogger.com (MAY) — Sat, 11 Oct 2008 16:53:00 +0000

tsk.tsk.tsk
sabi ko na nga ba...

buti na lang at hindi ako umasa
buti na lang at hindi kita nakayang abutin...

sapagkat alam kong imposible,
hindi dapat.
hindi tugma.
hindi sapat.

alam kong mananatili ka lang na ,

isang pangarap...

my heart

noreply@blogger.com (MAY) — Fri, 10 Oct 2008 16:44:00 +0000

It's empty.
I feel empty.
You suddenly came...

And, there you were,
Resting against my heart...

You stayed for a while,
A moment...

And just that sudden,

It felt empty again...

through inferno and back again...

noreply@blogger.com (MAY) — Fri, 10 Oct 2008 00:34:00 +0000

i was dead... not because my mind stopped working... but my heart started to stop... it wasn't because I was physically dead, but a lot of me began to feel nothing... it felt empty... I couldn't stop myself from the depression, from the anxiety attack, from the anguish... I had a lot of time asking God again about things. I had a lot of time asking myself about things I felt, I thought of, and things that left me cold and shattered again... Someone left me... And it wasn't just a normal pain-stalking goodbye... It was more of the unexpected forever goodbye... She's dead.

I felt like life has been so unfair. I closed my heart, my mind and soul to the rest of the world. Fearing of hurting another person again, fearing of losing someone, fearing of being nobody, fearing of everything and wishing I was instead the one who died... I was ungrateful of my life... I was contemplating if I deserve it more than those people who really should be here, still alive and having a wonderful time - with their loved ones, family, friends... I was going through my inferno... I was slowly going down the rings of hell... I was down to level 1 up until the last level and still I couldn't feel and look my way back... I was too scared. Or maybe I wasn't scared. Maybe, I just really didn't care. Maybe, I just didn't want to be back yet

These past few days has been a total chaos. Nightmares coming into reality. Fear eating me up inside. Death creeping inside me. Tears embracing my happiness. Anger filling up my heart. I couldn't take it all away. I had to do the easiest thing. To do nothing at all. To succumb to the fear, death, tears, anger and pain. I had to.

And then... light came... a moment where you made me feel again. And showed me I had to go back. I had to be strong. That hug from your little hands and that sweet innocent smile you gave me, with little words you whispered, "Where's Mommy?"

It brought me back to my senses. It made me smile. I had to go back and fight my inferno.. I had to remind myself I still have you... And that you are my life now

update:
I'll post the other stuff that I was suppose to post, that just stayed in my drafts.. For those people who continued visiting my blog, thanks. It meant a lot to me...

Random Thoughts

noreply@blogger.com (MAY) — Fri, 26 Sep 2008 02:19:00 +0000

Marami na nga pala talagang nagbago. Hindi lang sa buhay ko. Marami na rin palang nagbago sa paligid ko. It's been a while since I've written something that makes sense. Yun tipong pag binasa mo, yun na yun. Yung di mo na kelangan mag-isip masyado. Mahirap pala yung isip ng isip. Nakakapraning. So, let me write something random. Something that hindi naman masyado kailangan pag-isipan.

These past few days, hindi lang ako yun praning and windang. Madami yata talagang nagdaan sa ganung stage ngayon. I bumped into my friend the other day and I found out she's 3 months pregnant. Initial reaction? Me: "Really? Congrats!" Random thoughts? "Huh, nagka-boyfriend ka na pala? di ko alam!?" Same day, I met up with girlfriend and she suddenly splurts out that her "boo-boo" boyfriend is a changed man. Initial reaction? Me: "Weh? Di nga?" Random thoughts? "Duh! Dapat lang noh! Upakan ko yun e." On top of that, naka-inuman namin yung bf niya. Initial reaction? Me: "It's nice to see you again.." Random thoughts? "Subukan mong saktan ulit kaibigan ko, jojombagin na talaga kita!" Same day, I saw my everlong crush (literally everlongest), yosi and tambay mode after roughly 10 minutes, he said he needs to go na. Nung wala na siya, he texted me and said, "BTW, you looked good a while ago.." Initial reaction? Me: "Uhmm.. thanks." Random thoughts? "WTF!? That's it? I looked good!? Duh!" Yesterday, natalo ang La Salle sa UAAP (oo, by ATENEO). Initial reaction? Me: "Magaling naman talaga mga players ng Ateneo, they deserve to win!" Random thoughts? "Patay. Asar talo na naman ako sa mga Atenistang kaibigan ko.Tsk,tsk.Badtrip" I also have this weird thing, that happens everytime na nagko-commute ako, napapansin ko na laging may nakatingin sa kin. Ok lang sana yun, pero pati babae!? I don't know if talagang mukha lang akong katingin-tingin o talagang may madumi sakin o baka may nakikita silang hindi ko nakikita. Initial reaction? Me: "Bakit po kayo nakatingin sa kin?" Random thoughts? "WTF!? Maniac lang ba 'to, o may muta ba ako!?" Yesterday din, ka-text ko yun bestfriend ko. May problema daw sila ng jowa niya. And she's suspecting na her boyfriend is liking somebody else. Initial reaction? Me: "Baka naman friendly lang?" Random thoughts? "What do you expect, e lalaki yan e. Malamang!" I gave her some pieces of advise, but I said I'm no expert pagdating sa ganyan, kasi gaga din ako sa pag-ibig. E mas gaga pa pala tong bestfriend ko. I received her text just today, saying na nagalit sa kanya si jowa. Initial reaction? Me: "Huh? Why? Ba't siya pa ang galit ngayon?" Random thoughts? "The nerve! Mga lalake talaga, magaling magturn tables e!" Sabi nya they'll talk tomorrow. Funny thing is, ngayon ko lang siya nakita na ganon - "cheezy". Kumbaga eh dati, kami pareho yung "girl power" sa office, pagdating sa mga lalaki. Tapos, ngayon she goes, "Sana love niya pa rin me. I'm scared, baka ayaw na nya sa kin, I don't wanna lose him. yada.. yada.. yada.. " And, she tells me na she's now friends with the girl na pinagseselosan nya, and katext nya pa. Initial reaction? Me: "Talaga? Good for you. At least nawala na yun suspicions mo diba?" Random thoughts? "Gaga. Masokista ka ba? Haay girl! Tanga nga tayo" hahaha... I can't believe it... I just can't... My bestfriend, head over heels in love "again"... geez...

Pagbabago. Like I always say, "Change is inevitable" No matter where we look at it, people change. Things change. Weather changes. Pati nga mga bagay na hindi naman dapat binabago, nababago na rin. The change can either be because you just simply want to change, or some circumstances needs you to change... Pwede din na the change can be brought by somebody... somebody who will sweep you off your feet, and the next thing you know, iba ka na pala. Iba na ang takbo ng isip mo. Iba na hinahanap mo. Iba na ang tibok ng puso mo. But you like that change in you - because you are happy. And that's because of that person. Lahat naman siguro tayo, naghihintay ng ganitong pagbabago sa buhay. Yun masasabi mo sa kanya na, "I changed to be better, because I want to be better and I know you deserve better" and I'm sure, you'll never forget that moment, if somebody says that to you...

Initial reaction? Me: Ikaw na ba yun? Asaan ka na ba? Ang tagal mo naman...
Random thoughts? "Wushu. Asa ka pa. Same shit happens, get over it girl!"

OOOPSSS!!!

noreply@blogger.com (MAY) — Wed, 24 Sep 2008 02:43:00 +0000

My blog undergone extreme makeover. I actually never planned to change my previous layout. I was actually happy and content with what I had before. Dark, twisted, complicated, and full of mysteries. But this maybe an aftermath of the Archers AGAIN bowing to the Blue Eagles, or maybe some other subconscious tingling feeling in me while contemplating on my random thoughts, that made me crazier than ever to play with and eventually ruin my blog. In short, nawindang ako. The next thing I know, I lose my head, pop! goes my blog..

So, bear with me along the process of fixing stuff again. Hopefully I can fix it as quickly and as good as what RON did. I lost some of the people I have on my blogroll.. Hopefully when you visit my site again, I could add up your links already. Please get my attention if you're not on my list yet :) Thanks.

BTW, kudos RON, I love your new blog layout... ;)

Angst

noreply@blogger.com (MAY) — Mon, 22 Sep 2008 22:47:00 +0000

PUTANGINA!!!

I was hoping that by merely screaming out loud to the whole world, I could then release all these angst, pain, anger, fears, insecurities, disappointments, and frustrations bottling up inside me...

I guess I was wrong..

contentment

noreply@blogger.com (MAY) — Fri, 19 Sep 2008 04:19:00 +0000

Bakit nga ba ang tao hind makuntento? Meron ng isa, gusto ng isa pa. Nakabawi na, gusto pang lumamang. Kapag kulang, gugustuhin magkaroon. Pero kapag nagkaroon na, gusto naman ng sobra sobra.

Applicable sa lahat ang sinasabi ko... Material things tulad ng sapatos, damit, cellphone, pera, etc. Spiritual tulad ng miracles, apparitions, predictions, etc. Emotions tulad ng bisyo, babae, lalake, pag-ibig, sex. Moments tulad ng pagkakataon, tagumpay, pagsikat, pagunlad, at sex ulit. Physical tulad ng boobs, puwet, tiyan, height, weight, at sex pa rin. Bakit nga ba hindi na tayo nakuntento sa kung ano ang mayroon tayo? Bakit laging naka focus sa wala? Laging naghahanap ng "mas" - mas marami, mas malaki, mas maliit, mas masarap, mas masaya, mas masakit, mas masama, mas mabait.. Kelangan bang pagkatapos ng first base, may second base at third base at home run dapat? Eh pagkatapos ng home run, ano ang susunod? Oblation run??

Mayroon nga bang katapusan ang paghahanap? Ang paghihintay ba sa wala ay katumbas ng pagkakaroon sa huli, o ng mas lalong kawalan? Hindi pa ba sapat ang una para maging huli? Sabagay. Makukuntento ka nga naman ba sa isang hithit lang ng yosi? Sa isang shot ng tequilla? Sa isang tikim ng pinya?

Para lang yang tulad ng unang tikim...
Tikim lang ng isa. Hanggang sa maging dalawa, tatlo, hanggang sa araw-arawin...
Nakaka-adik...

Parang ikaw...
Nakaka-adik.
Ikaw ang drugs, alcohol, at yosi sa buhay ko.
Ang hinahanap-hanap ng aking sistema...
Nakakabaliw.
Hindi ako makuntento sa nakaw na saglit,sa tingin, sa hawak, o kahit sa isang halik.

Gusto kita. Pero hindi makuntento ang isip, katawan at puso ko...

Heaven

noreply@blogger.com (MAY) — Tue, 16 Sep 2008 08:52:00 +0000

Good day
Good sleep
Good dream
Watched a good movie
Had a good cry...

I thought of you,
as the day passed by...
and then I smiled...

Hell

noreply@blogger.com (MAY) — Mon, 15 Sep 2008 02:20:00 +0000

I miss you...

I look around, and all I see...

Nothing.

You're nowhere. Am I being punished? Is this my hell?

Nakakalungkot pala...

corn!!!

noreply@blogger.com (MAY) — Sun, 14 Sep 2008 14:24:00 +0000

naalala ko yung kaibigan ko nung highschool... hindi ko alam kun magagalit sha sa kin pag nabasa nya ito.. pero dahil sa malungkot ako at kagagaling ko lang sa sakit, kelangan ko ng energy at pampatawa sa katawan.. (kaya nga salamat sa blog mo ron na laging umaaliw sa kin!) hehe...

lunch break namin non... nasa kalagitnaan na ng aming break at nagkukuentuhan na lang kami. Bumili kami ng corn in a cub,at kinain namin yon after our meals. Meron kaming isang wacky at baliw na kaibigan na nagkuwento ng sobrang nakakatawang storya.. Tawa kami ng tawa... Sa sobrang tawa lumabas ang isang mais sa ilong ng isa naming kabarkada. Tinawanan siya ng tinawanan ng isa pa naming ka-tropa... Tawa siya ng tawa.. and ang ending?

Dalawang mais ang lumabas sa ilong nya.. Tig-isa sa bawat butas...

Hahaha.. sino ba namang hindi matatawa... Isang linggo ata naming pinagusapan ito... hehe.. kaya kayo, ingat sa pagtawa pag kumakain ng mais :D cheers

Project lafftrip laffapalooza 2008

noreply@blogger.com (MAY) — Fri, 12 Sep 2008 22:24:00 +0000

Hindi ko alam kung dahil sa may sakit ako or wala lang talaga ako magawa, or pwede ding dahil may sakit ako kaya wala akong magawa at napagtripan kong sumali sa contest na ito.. Ito ang contest para sa iyong top 3-5 favorite humor blogs. Siyempre, bawat tao naman may favoritism e. So, since nabasa ko yung post ni Badoodles, eto ako at kahit may sakit e nagpipilit sumali sa contest, kung wala rin kayong magawa at gusto niyong sumali e i-click nyo lang ito.

So, lemme give you my five favorite humor blogs...

1. KokeyMonster - I do love reading FB's blog. Laging may sense. Maginoo pero medyo bastos. hehe.. I placed him on number 1 kasi mukhang kina-career nya ata yung pagkapanalo, so I'm helping him out ;)

2. Ronturon - E shempre kasama sa listahan ko si Don Ron. Never fails to make me smile ;) and laugh.. Baliw kasi tong tao na to eh...

3. Greenpinoy - Hindi lang dahil sa favorite color ko ang GREEN (animo lasalle) pero dahil sa tuwing binibisita ko yung site na 'to, parang napupunta ka sa ibang dimension yung tipong bawal pagpahingahin ang panga mo sa pagtawa :)

4. Retarded's Notebook - Kapag gusto kong makakita ng mga out of this world na pictures at mga videos na pampasaya, isa ito sa mga sites na pinupuntahan ko. And trurily, I always end up satisfied :)

5. Ej - Last but not the least. Eto ata yun kauna-unahang blog dati na talagang natutukan ko from the first time I started in blogspot, up until now... And Ej's post are all wacky. crazy. beautiful... (ayan ha, dagdag point mo na rin ito EJ.. hehe)

So, sali na rin kayo ha.. kun wala lang naman kayo magawa.. if you're interested and want to let other people know na peyborit mo sila, sali na! :)

First day of classes

noreply@blogger.com (MAY) — Fri, 12 Sep 2008 09:10:00 +0000

Yep. you read that right. I attended my first day of classes yesterday. 6pm to 730pm. Up until now, I can't believe I'm actually studying again. My last day in La Salle was way back 2004, and I had to return and finish my last subject so I could get my diploma. I had my new ID. I was going to a new building, which I never had classes way back before. When I was outside the classroom, I took a quick glance and I was surprised to see a lot of students inside the room already. It was the first time I felt shy for ages (oo na, makapal kasi talaga mukha ko!) but, I felt like I was in first year college again, where I had to mingle with different kinds of people. I had this anxiety of my new prof, of my new classmates. And boom, it hit me. I was scanning the room. It was pretty obvious that I am the oldest among the batch of students there. I heard one group talking about other subjects that they are taking. I heard one group discussing about their thesis. I heard one group talking about some cute guy in one of their class (yep, tsismosa ang tawag dito) hehe.. but then, I've never felt so out of place. I was regretting already my decision to go back. But, hey. I had to compose myself, turned on my PSP and just played while waiting for my new prof.

Then, one guy, out of nowhere, tapped my shoulder and asked me something. I had to get my earphones off and asked him "Ano yun?" and he asked me again, "Anong batch ka?" and for the first time I didn't know if it was a good idea to say the truth or to lie.. "ummm... mejo matagal na ko eh. Returnee." There. An undefined answer. "So, na-take mo na tong subject na to? Mahirap ba? Ok kaya prof natin?" He bombarded me with these questions. "Sa tingin ko, nahirapan ako kaya nga andito ako ulit eh. " "ah, ok." He might have thought I was a snob. But, I didn't want to answer his questions. Feeling ko kasi hindi valid yung mga tanong nya. Tanong ng tamad. Of course, pag pinag-aralan mo, e di malamang madadalian ka lang diba. Ibig sabihin nun, hindi ko pinag-aralan maigi dati. And of course, I don't want to admit that to a stranger.

The funny thing is, when the prof came and when he discussed his clasroom rules, I felt I was scared again. Of failing and Of a "terror prof". Yep, terror yun teacher. Masungit. In short, mahihirapan na naman ako, because I don't like the teacher. But then again, I need to pass this subject. So, go go go lang. Anyway, before he started the discussion (oo, nagdiscuss na agad sha sa first day, o diba..) he asked a volunteeer from the class to be the class president. Ako lang ata ang natawa nung sinabi nya yun. Parang high school kasi. Nakalimutan ata nya na college na kami. Anyway, nobody wanted the role. I was itching to nominate myself (usually ganun ako ka-bibo sa ofis, pero iba pala feeling pag estudyante) I was thinking about what they will think if I volunteer myself. "Sino ba yun, ang feeling naman" or "Kapal muks a, kilala nyo ba yun?" So, I had to stop myself from raising my hand. After 10 mins, the prof gave up and said he will just appoint somebody. After appointing the president, he made a quick short announcement. "Ok class, since Samantha (the new President), whole-heartedly volunteered as class president, She automatically passes my class. That means, even if she fails all the exams, she will still get UNO (which is the passing grade)." The whole class murmured.

Talk about some luck ei? First day of classes and it's freaking raining really hard. I had to experience the traffic going to school. I didn't like my picture sa new ID ko. I met my terror prof and he dismissed us 5 minutes over the scheduled dismissal (for our first day!). I learned that they are using a new book for the subject, and that I'm obligated to buy it, which is so inconvenient for me dahil it's additional gastos na naman, e last term ko na nga eh! And then, I caught a flu pa, and since yesterday I'm really not feeling well. So, I had to lie down in bed for the whole day today. Geez.

And Fuck it. Since last night, I was hating myself for not raising up my hand. For acting like a 15 year old shy girl. And for that I had to set my mind that I really need to study hard. To make sure that I pass this last subject... Or else, I won't forgive myself for not raising my stupid hands during that 10 minutes...

Damn it. Nasa huli talaga ang pagsisisi.

kryptonite

noreply@blogger.com (MAY) — Wed, 10 Sep 2008 06:25:00 +0000

Superman's only weakness - - Kryptonite. Makes him lose focus, lose all his powers. Makes him human, in the sense that he can get hurt, he can bleed and he can even die. Funny thing even heroes have their moment of frailty...

I'm no superhero, not even close to wonderwoman or supergirl... but I have my weakness - - this rain... it brings out all the weakness in me... it allows all the demons and ghosts inside my head to float straight to my heart...

It is during this weather that I find myself doing things I don't wanna do. It's like the sound of the whooshing rain says, "May, do this... do that.." *sigh* And that leaves me back to a tangled, messed up heart...

I just can't wait for the warmth of the sun again, to bring me back my sanity...

untangled heart

noreply@blogger.com (MAY) — Mon, 08 Sep 2008 02:40:00 +0000

I will give you my heart. but it is already broken..
Just make sure you don't step on it too hard,
Coz I can't afford another piece missing again...

My Moon

noreply@blogger.com (MAY) — Sun, 07 Sep 2008 15:46:00 +0000

The night sky seems to create a perfect serene moment. During times like these, I find myself captivated by the light of the moon. Bringing with it some hope and faith. Small and yet, so powerful, that it radiates.. Making sure that all the other scattered little lights are being held in their own places. But it is also during these times that fear overcomes my heart. I fear the time of the sun taking its reign again. Though I am very well aware of the fact that the moon will stay and be back when the sun sets, the fear remains. And it grows and eats me alive. The moon constantly reminds me neither to worry nor be afraid. But, I always wonder.. Is it possible that one day the moon would forget to light the night? Will there be a day when the moon decides to surrender its own light? Is it possible that my moon would fall for the sun, and never come back?

Eagles soared over our arrows

noreply@blogger.com (MAY) — Sat, 06 Sep 2008 15:38:00 +0000

hindi lahat ng bigo ay talo na. Minsan nagiging hudyat ito ng panibagong laban. At don magtataglay ng higit na tagumpay. -Animo La Salle

Babala: Kung ikaw ay atenista, hindi para sa'yo ang post na ito, kaya kung ako sayo, wag mo na ituloy ang pagbabasa... :)

Nanalo ang Ateneo kanina sa second game nila laban sa La Salle. In fairview, magaling naman talaga ang Ateneo. Madami silang magagaling na three-pointer. At napaka-guwapo ni Chris Tiu. Pero dahil La Sallista ako, siyempre malungkot ako na natalo na naman kami ng Ateneo Blue Eagles. Hindi man lang kami nakalamang sa buong laro. Mula first quarter, hanggang fourth quarter eh talagang sobrang hirap makapuntos ang mga bata ko. At least nagkaroon ng kaisa-isang tie sa buong ball game. Yung unang una, 0-0. hahaha. Malaking factor ang "off-day" ni JV Casio. Hindi sapat ang mga combined powers nila Mangahas, Maierhofer, Barua, atbp. Ops, teka lang. Huwag isipin na baka binayaran si Casio porket hindi maganda ang laro nya ngayon. Nagdadaan lahat ng players sa ganyang stage (pero putik naman Casio, bakit ngayon pa, ngayong Ateneo ang kalaban nyo!! grrr... idol pa naman kita) Katakot takot na mura ata ang inabot ni Casio sakin habang nanunuod ako ng game sa kuarto ko. At pinagagalitan pako nun dahil sobrang lakas daw ng boses ko, at rinig na daw ang boses at mga sigaw ko hanggang sa pangalawang kanto sa labas. Eh anong magagawa ko, school spirit ang pinaglalaban dito. Actually, wala naman na talaga akong hilig ngayon sa UAAP. Dati rati, talagang nasa patron side pa kami tuwing naglalaban ang Ateneo at La Salle, at mega to the max ang sigaw namin sa Astrodome tuwing games. Kahit nga hindi Ateneo ang kalaban dati, updated ako lagi. Hilig ko talaga ang panunuod ng UAPP, idol ko kasi nun sila Cortez, Cardona, Manalo, Sharma, at Yeo (mahal ko tong si Yeo! hehe). Pero, ngayon, nanunuod na lang ako tuwing may laban ang Ateneo at La Salle. Siguro dahil na rin sa ayokong mahuli sa balita. Matindi talaga ang epekto ng school rivalry pag dating sa basketball. Pero pag hindi naman UAAP ang pinag-uusapan, marami din naman akong totoong kaibigan na Atenista. Yun nga lang eh, pag UAAP na, para bang hindi kami magkakakilala at todo asaran at pikunan pag natatalo namin ang isa't-isa. Hahaha.

Pero, hindi pa naman end of the world. Haller. Nanalo lang sila sa elimination round. Meron pang semi-finals. At siyempre, ang Finals. Totoong nanalo sila ngayon. One big fight ika nga, (hindi na natapos tapos ang one nila noh?? pansin nyo rin??) hehe.. Pero parang may ganito na ring pangyayari nuon. Deja Vu ang tawag doon. Last year yata ito. I'm sure hindi pa nakakalimutan ng Blue Eagles. Yon ay yung nanalo sila ng tatlong beses over Green Archers. Pero, hindi pa rin sila nagtagumpay. Dahil natalo sila ng dalwang beses sa semi-finals. At ang sigaw ng Archers? "Two is greater than three" Haha. We gloriously advanced to the Finals round to face the UNBEATABLE UE WARRIORS. Mahaba haba ang naging pahinga ng UE noon. At ang epekto? The unbeatable warriors, got worstly beaten up. By who?? By the Green Archers, of course! Nanalo pa rin kami in the end. So you see my friends, hindi pa tapos ang laban.. They may have won today. But, the big question now is, who will get the last hurrays??? I am hoping and praying it'll be us, once again. One big fight, ika nga... Hahahaha

sino ang bestfriend mo doon?

noreply@blogger.com (MAY) — Fri, 05 Sep 2008 09:21:00 +0000

Nung bata ako, my picture ako lagi na kasama si Jollibee at McDonald. Hindi ako tulad ng ibang batang umiiyak tuwing party pag lumalabas na ang mascot. Kasama ako dun sa mga hyper kulit na mga bata na nagwewelcome sa mascot, at nakikisayaw pa (kahit di naman talaga ako marunong sumayaw, at kekembot kembot lang, talagang tawang tawa na na ang erpats at ermats ko nun). Naalala kong mas favorite ko si McDonald. Siguro dahil mahilig ako dati sa mga payaso (clown). Nakakatuwa yung mga mascots nila. Naalala ko pa sila Hamburglar, Mayor McCheese, the Fry Kids, Birdie, etc. Pero, may isa akong kinatatakutan noon sa kanilang lahat. Si Grimace. Hindi ko kasi alam kung ano ba siyang nilalang, o baka dahil na rin sa kanyang kakaibang kulay, isang purple thingie. Kahit na lagi siyang nagpapatawa at mukhang tanga, na parang hindi niya alam lagi ang ginagawa niya, nakakatakot pa rin siya sa paningin ko. Bigla ko siyang naalala dahil umattend kami ng anak ko sa isang children's party at siya ang mascot doon. Natawa ako sa baby ko dahil mukhang namana niya ang pagkatakot ko kay Grimace, dahil bigla siyang nagtakip ng mukha at bumulong sa akin ng "Mommy, monster!"

Hanggang ngayong tumanda na ako, di ko pa rin pala alam ang sagot sa tanong na, "Ano nga ba talaga si Grimace?" So, I did a little research. Ayon sa Wikipedia, si Grimace ay ang bestfriend ni Ronald McDonald. Pero hindi talaga yan ang role niya noong unang panahon. Monster pala talaga siya noon. May apat siyang kamay, at magnanakaw siya ng mga drinks (specifically ng milkshakes). WICKED diba? Pero ng lumaon, eh pinalitan nila ang image nito. Ginawa na siyang one of the good guys. Isang eengot-engot at nakakatawang bestfriend ni Ronald McDonald. Pero adik pa rin siya sa milkshakes hanggang ngayon.

Ewan ko nga ba sa McDo, kung bakit ang mascots nila'y karamihan ay mga nagnanakaw ng pagkain, na parang hindi naman angkop para sa mga bata. Siguro maraming magnanakaw ngayon ang nainspire kay Hamburglar at Grimace. Yun nga lang, level up sila dahil hindi na burgers at milkshakes and ninanakaw nila (hehe.. jokes lang). Kaya nga mas gusto kong dinadala ang baby ko sa Jollibee, at lest doon purely mga pagkain ang mascots nila. Baka kasi pag nakita ng anak ko yung ibang mga mascots ng McDo eh magulat na lang ako balang araw at sabihin ng anak ko, "Mommy, idol ko si Hamburglar, gusto kong maging magnanakaw!" Naku, baka mabatukan ko ng di oras ang anak ko! :)