I ran this morning with my good friend, Justine. My back was sore from cleaning both bathrooms yesterday, but I dragged myself out of bed this morning nonetheless. As we ran (read: logged), things loosened up, and I ended our run feeling significantly better. I got home in time to have breakfast with the girl and the guys, and then Josh and Jude headed off to the Wilson Skate Park for some skateboarding. Ramona and I stayed home, prepped veggies for chili, and took a nap (her, not me. Seriously!).

The boys came home and we ate lunch, and then Josh headed off to get some work done. I got word of a Curious George party that was to take place later in the afternoon. Jude and I decided to make pumpkin snickerdoodle cookies, so I pulled out the Learning Tower, and we got to work. Ramona got on and off the tower, on and off the tower, on and off the tower, while Jude and I measured, stirred, and beat. When the dough was finished, we put it in the fridge to chill for a bit and I cleaned up the kitchen while the kids played together.

And then it was time to get ready and head out to the party. Josh made a game-time decision to join us, so we hopped on the 22 and made our way south to Andersonville.

The Curious George party was put on by the lovely people at Women and Children First bookstore. The party was pretty neat; the kids got to play games (and lead them! You should have seen Jude-he had a blast!), color, listen to a story, win prizes, and eat a “monkey snack.” (Josh and Ramona didn’t stay for the party. The opted, instead, to visit a nearby park.) Jude was engaged with all of the activities. He jumped and moved around, made a great monkey mask, and listened, intently, as the original Curious George story was read. He was even lucky enough to win one of six prizes!

After the party, we headed home. It felt wonderful to end the night with a hot, tasty dinner that needed only minimal preparation before being consumed. Once dinner was over, Ramona and I retreated to our bedroom where she got snuggly with some milk and promptly fell asleep. The boys, on the other hand, made their way into the kitchen where they baked off some of the cookie dough Jude and I had prepared earlier.

And now, it’s bedtime for the boy. Cookies have been consumed; teeth, brushed; stories, read. The quiet excitement of the day seems to be catching up with me, so I, too, will soon call it quits. I hope you all had as good a day as we had.

Luckily, there’s church a few blocks from our home that, in conjunction with an adjoining intentional community, offered a Gardening Club for neighborhood kiddos this Spring and Summer. The Spring session wasn’t on my radar, but I was able to sign Jude up for the Summer session, which started about six weeks ago and ends tomorrow.

Jude’s group has met twice a week for two hours each day, since the Summer session started. Besides t-ball (which, for all intents and purposes, was pretty much a failure), this was Jude’s first drop-off class. Come to think of it, it was really his first class ever. And honestly, I was worried. I was nervous about leaving Jude with people he didn’t really know. I was nervous thinking about what would be expected of him and whether or not he’d be able to conform. Probably sensing my anxiety, for the first two and a half weeks, Jude wanted me to stay nearby while he participated in the class. I happily complied. Mostly, at least. Do you remember what the weather was like in Chicago about six weeks ago? No? Oh, let me remind you: It was unbearably hot. Jude, Ramona, and I barely left our air-conditioned house, save for this one class, twice a week. But, despite the extreme heat and the thick air and the absence of anything resembling a breeze, I stayed close. I wore Ramona and hid in the slivers of shade the columns on the church porch provided; I slowly fed Ramona one Cheerio at a time as she meandered, barefoot, around the un-air conditioned, fan-less, sweltering children’s area of the church; I waited, and I sweated. And then, one Wednesday, Ramona spiked a fever right after Jude started class, and I had to take her home. Upon my return, I told Jude what had happened-that Ramona had gotten sick and that I had to get her out of the heat, so I took her home. He looked at me and said, “No, Mama, you were there. I saw you by the tree.” “Well, yes, Monkey, I came back to pick you up, but I was at home while you were digging in the garden. And listen, from now on, I’m going to need to just drop you off and then pick you up like I did today; it’s too hot for Ramona and me,” I replied. I braced myself for a meltdown, and then, “Oh. Ok.” came from my boy’s mouth. And thus, the big ol’ cloud of anxiety and nervousness dissipated.

Josh and I figured that Jude would enjoy this club, but we underestimated just how much joy he would derive from it. Every day, Jude asks if it’s Gardening Club day, and if not, how many sleeps until it is? I’m reminded, daily, that “Gardening Club is [Jude's] favorite” and that “[he] love[s] it.” Jude is so excited about this class that, before bed last night, he drew a picture for the adults who run it and then commissioned Josh to deliver it to the house where they live. Right then. So, Josh did. And today when we ran into one of the adult leaders, she made sure to take the time and tell him that they had received the picture and liked it very much.

Tomorrow, at 3pm, Jude’s Gardening Club is going to be holding a (free) Farmers Market and Lemonade Stand (I think) to close out the Summer session. If you’re in the neighborhood and want to support a great group of kids and their adult leaders, you should swing by.

At 12:08am on July 19th (2012), you turned 1 year old. I remember your birth vividly. In the moment, I could not recognize your birth for what it was–a healing experience. Today… well, today I am grateful for you.

The day you turned 9 months old you took your first steps. Almost exactly a month later (on Jude’s 5th birthday), you decided to make walking your primary mode of transportation. Between then and now you’ve learned to step over things and climb up onto things you shouldn’t; you’ve also started (kind of) running away from me when I try to stop you from getting into whatever you shouldn’t be getting into.

Our trips to the park are tiring, but fun. You walk around to different parts of the play structure while I follow behind you, doing my best to stop you from going head-first off one of drop offs. You like to rub your hands in the wood chips and dirt. Happily, you’ve (mostly) stopped trying to eat the wood chips/grass/sticks you find lying around. Even so, I rarely take my eyes off of you. CONSTANT VIGILANCE! some might say.

On your eleven-month birthday, we put you into the lake for the first time. It came as no surprise that you loved being in the water, sitting in the very shallow parts and standing in the less very shallow parts. I’m looking forward to watching you learn to navigate the water; I know you’ll be incredible.

For the past few months, your overnight sleep habits have left much to be desired. I swear that you wake up at least a dozen times most nights. You’re never up for long, but gods help me, it makes for some really rough days. On more than one occasion, I’ve woken up (after being bopped in the head) to see you sitting next to me, staring, and signing “milk” at me. You’re a girl who knows what she wants. I suppose the upside to these longs nights is that you’ve been taking some really good naps lately, but honestly, I’d rather you sleep at a time when *I’m* able to sleep as well.

So, now we move on to month number thirteen… year number two. Watching you grow up is amazing and fun, Ramona. You are, most definitely, your brother’s sister, but you are also so very different… so very unique. I have no idea what tomorrow is going to look like for us, but I’m really looking forward to experiencing it with you.

Love,
Mama

On top of the hot, hot, temperatures outside, we’ve been dealing with an internal heat-up in our home as well. A few days ago Ramona came down with a fever. It’s weird just how much she’s like Jude in how her body reacts to illness. Early in the day she felt warm, but it wasn’t enough of a difference from her normal temperature to really alert me to the fact that her body was gearing up to fight off some nasties. By the afternoon, she was hot. That almost unnoticeable warm-up is Jude’s MO, too. I remember one of the last times he got sick. We were at the library in Evanston. He had had a bit of a runny nose that morning, but it wasn’t anything major. Not long after arriving at the library, he said he was tired. I felt his head, and he was a little warmer than normal. Knowing that it would take some time to complete the trip, I decided to start us on the trek back home. Riding the train about twenty minutes later, Jude had a full-blown fever.

Since Wednesday, Ramona’s temperature has gone up and down-getting better during day time hours and worse in the evenings and over night. Josh and I have seen this up and down pattern in Jude for the last five years, so the nervousness I felt at Ramona being sick was tempered by the knowledge that, for my kids, what was happening was normal.

But! Normal or not normal, I still worry, at least a bit. I was grateful that a good friend who had just gone through the same sort of illness with her littlest one was there to be a sounding board for me. Verbalizing that yes, Ramona was nursing/eating/peeing normally and that she was engaging and chipper and not in the slightest bit lethargic really helped to ease my mind. Add to that the reminders of homeopathic remedies and other holisic treatments, and we got though this bout of illness with little fanfare.

I’m looking forward to going to sleep tonight. No doubt the girl will wake up a dozen times for one reason (a boob) or another (the other boob), but at least I shouldn’t have to deal with a hot, hot babe who refuses to sleep anywhere but directly on top of me. (Which, truth be told, I LOVED. However, it got really uncomfortable really quickly.)

Last year at this time, I was very pregnant and very miserable. Josh and Jude took me to brunch, and during the week following the holiday, I was treated to a massage, manicure/pedicure, and a hair cut. It was wonderful and just what I needed. This year was different.

This year, all I wanted was to spend time with my family. I had spend the better part of the past six weeks stuck in bed, and I was tired of missing out on, well, everything. So, last night I threw some steel cut oats into the crockpot and turned it to low. I grabbed the overripe bananas from the freezer and put them in the fridge to thaw. I made sure the kitchen was only a bit of a wreck instead of a hot mess. And then Josh and I went to bed.

This morning I woke up to the smell of apples and oats and cinnamon and brown sugar. The kids slept in. I made banana bread. The kids woke up. We ate. The four of us went to the park together (and brought the banana bread to share). For the first time in a long time, I was able to give both Jude and Ramona my undivided attention. Josh pushed Ramona in the swing, and Jude and I played ball. While I pushed Ramona, Josh and Jude ran around the park. We strolled home, played on the bed together, ate lunch, went back to the park. Tonight we ordered pizza. Simplicity was today’s watchword.

I love being “Mama” to Jude and Ramona. I can’t imagine that any other profession would bring me a fraction of the joy they do. These kids of mine make my heart so unbelievably happy. Oh! And my husband! My amazing, loving husband. I am indebted to Josh for his ability to know, without me saying it, that what I needed on this day was his presence so that I could be more present with both kids. I have somehow ended up with the most stellar family, and for them, I am so, so grateful.

So, the boy started t-ball four or five weeks ago. Today was the first day I was able to take him. I’m finally up on my feet and getting around. In my infinite wisdom, I decided to take the bus to the park field house so that I didn’t have to walk nearly two miles round trip. What I neglected to take into consideration is the considerable pain in the ass taking a stroller on public transit is. We’ve lived in Chicago for three and a half years, and today was the first day I took a stroller on the city bus. And Science help me, I never want to do that again. The ride to the field house was only bad. The ride home was terrible. More on that later.

After walking (in the rain) and hauling the stroller onto the (overcrowded) bus, we arrived at the field house. We were a bit early, so I encouraged Jude to run, run, RUN off some energy before his t-ball clinic started. All went well and when it got close to three o’clock, we headed inside. After getting Jude situated, Ramona and I went to play in the pre-school room. It was lovely. She was having a great time playing with the other babies and putting everything she could find into her mouth. Ten or fifteen minutes into the clinic, Jude came into the pre-school room. He wanted to check on me. (Sweet) He wanted to see Ramona. (Adorable) He doesn’t want to play t-ball, he wants to play with Ramona in the pre-school room. (What?) COME ON! Here’s the thing-normally, I wouldn’t care. Really. If he doesn’t want to do whatever it is we’ve set out to do, fine. We can change course. But! I’m hurting so, so much right now. And getting to t-ball really stretched me physically. And the whole thing just frustrated me. AND! Then things got worse.

We packed up and headed home. I checked the bus tracker, and it told me I had eight minutes until the next bus. We got to the stop and waited. And I checked the bus tracker again, and we waited some more. And then we waited. And Hey! Look! Bus tracker says a bus should be approaching. But it never did. Twenty or so minutes later, we were still waiting for the bus, and Ramona was screaming because she wanted to eat. Fine. I took her out of the stroller and latched her on. And then the mother fucking bus pulled up. So there I was, supporting a nursing Ramona in the cross cradle position with one arm, driving the stroller with the other, and wrangling Jude verbally. The bus, of course, was packed (again), and we got all the way to far end before someone offered me a seat. Thanks MisterOnlyGuyOnTheBusWithAnyManners. Finally, we got to our stop, and I somehow get us all off the bus and eventually, home.

So here we are. Honestly, my frustration has waned even since I started writing this post, but still! Child of mine! First-born whom I adore… Please. Cut me a break. I do understand that in his not quite five years on this planet, Jude really can’t grasp how much traveling today took out of me. He just doesn’t understand. And the nuance between being angry because I’m hurting and had a shitty time getting to and from t-ball and being happy to suck it up and get him to where he needs/wants to be even though I’m hurting is lost on him. But after all his talk this morning about being excited that I was going to take him to t-ball and how he wanted me to see what he was doing, he just wasn’t happy to be there. And that’s where I’m stuck.

Why, oh why didn’t that boy of mine tell me he didn’t want to play t-ball today before we schlepped it to the bus?

I’m happy to report that after nearly a month of bed-riddenness, I’m starting to feel better. Today I took care of some breakfast duties, got lunch ready and served, folded and put away towels, played with the kids in the playroom, did three sets of my PT exercises, and took care of most of dinner. I was on my feet more today than I had been in the previous three weeks combined. It was great to play with Jude again and to let Ramona play somewhere other than the bed. Additionally, Josh was able to work nearly three full days this week. On Wednesday and Thursday, Helen and Cathrine took turns hanging out and helping us while Josh was gone. Today, we survived alone.

So! Goals for the next few days:

1. On Sunday, accompany Jude to CeCi’s birthday party
2. On Tuesday, take Jude to t-ball
3. On Wednesday, take the kids out for coffee with our neighborhood artist friends
4. On Thursday, take Jude to soccer
5. Get the kids to the park on nice-weathered days

Wish me luck!

Welcome to your ninth month of life and your first “Dear Ramona” post on this blog. I started writing letters to your brother when he was about eight months old, so I guess it’s fitting that I’m getting a late start with you, as well.

This past month, you welcomed your fifth tooth into your mouth. Those sharp suckers sure do make you cranky. Luckily, you have a super cute amber necklace and chamomile homeopathic remedy to help with the pain and fussiness.

You’re a very, very talkative child. You babble and squeal and sing all. the. time. I think you’re going to be an early talker, though time might make a liar out of me.

Solid food doesn’t agree with you, but that doesn’t stop you from wanting it ever so badly. So far, you’ve liked everything you’ve tried (except maybe carrots). Avocado was your first food, and then you tried bananas. You’ve also had blueberries, strawberries, apples, pears, black bean soup, split pea soup, lentil soup, and curried eggplant and lentil soup.

In March, you accompanied me and Uncle Shawn to a 10pm showing of The Hunger Games. I wasn’t thrilled with the film (Come on. Woody Harrelson as Haymitch? Really?), but I was so happy that you slept the whole time. I love the age you’re at–you’ll still sleep wherever we are, as long as you can eat and get snuggly in my arms.

You been crawling and standing and cruising for a while now. Both Papa and I think you’ll be walking sooner rather than later. Whenever Jude plays the pre-set songs on his keyboard, you stand up, wave your arm(s), and bounce around to the best of your ability. Signing seems to come easily to you. You learned to sign “milk” and “more” really, really quickly. You’ve been waving and clapping for a while now. You’ve almost got the “high-five” down pat. I’m amazed by all you’ve learned in these first nine months of life.

Ramona, life since your arrival has been… hectic. And wonderful. And tiring. And amazing. I didn’t know (and still sometimes don’t know) how I’d manage with two children so far apart in age, but now that I’m in the midst of it, I’m happy. That’s not to say that at times things aren’t tough. I can’t get over the guilt of not being able to give both you and your brother all of my attention, but I’m trying my best. I know things will get easier, eventually, and for now I’m going to do what I can to live in the moment and soak up every minute I can with you.

I love you. Love,

Mama

Good news! Today I was able to assemble and cook a quesadilla for Jude. That means I was on my feet for a solid… 7-10 minute. Progress, people. Progress.

Bad news! I had gotten word about a PT clinic that operates on a sliding scale for payment. Unfortunately, I live outside the area the clinic makes that option available to.

Good news! The chiropractic adjustment that I got yesterday seems to have done something good. Bonus good news! I have another appointment in the morning.

I’ve really felt disconnected from Jude since this flare-up began. Ramona and I spend our days together on the bed, but that’s just not interesting or exciting enough for a nearly 5-year-old kid. So, Jude has been fending for himself–playing his DSi, watching videos, building, pretending, etc. We’ve had a number of friends come by at various times to take him out to the park or story time or t-ball or soccer. That’s been especially rough for me. I’m missing out on a ton of stuff, and I’m sick of it. Jude also seems to be having a tough time being without Josh or me. Today he told me that he needs to have his parents at t-ball or he’ll cry. So, my goal is to get him to t-ball myself next week. I don’t know what will happen with soccer tomorrow. Maybe he’ll skip it, or maybe I’ll be scrambling to find someone to take him when he (inevitably) changes his mind at the last minute and decides he wants to go.

I’m really hopefully that I’m on the mend, though I hesitate to write that out loud. Keep the good thoughts coming, if you don’t mind. Jude’s next t-ball practice is just around the corner.

Thanks to our good friends Cathrine, Louise, Meg, Helen, Joslyn, and Christine, we’re pretty well set on food for this week.

Yesterday, Cathrine brought over pasta with marinara sauce-enough for dinner last night and lunch today.
This afternoon, Louise brought over a fritatta-hello dinner tonight!
Just now, my neighbor Meg left a pitcher of curried eggplant and lentil soup outside my door-tomorrow’s lunch.
This morning, I received a message from my friend Helen saying she wanted to bring lunch over tomorrow.
Yesterday, my friend Joslyn offered to bring us dinner on Thursday.
Also-Christine brought us cookies two days in a row. I love her. (Hey, Christine! What’s the first rule of baking chocolate chip cookies? Don’t leave the kitchen!!!)

On Friday we’ll probably finish up the quinoa/black bean burrito filling and pasta for lunch, and by the looks of the pitcher Josh just retrieved from outside our door, I’ll say there will probably be enough of the soup from Meg for us to have it again for Friday night’s dinner.

I am continually blown away by the generosity of our friends. I think I said that last night, but it bears repeating. Thank you, thank you, thank you, friends. Without you all, we’d be in a whole lot of trouble.