Andrew Polak

4 Powerful Lessons You Gradually Learn as You Let Go of the Past

Marc Chernoff — Tue, 21 Dec 2021 08:58:00 GMT

If somebody is working on themselves and changing for the better, it’s unnecessary to keep bringing up their past. People can change and grow. You know this is true.

But, have you given yourself a fair chance recently to change and grow, too?

Have you consciously loosened your grip on everything that’s behind you, so you can step forward again with grace?

If you’re shaking your head, you aren’t alone. I know exactly how you feel. I’ve been there myself, and I know dozens of others in the same boat. At times, we all fall victim to our attachments. And sometimes we don’t even realize we’re blocking our own present blessings by holding on to the past. Do your best to realize this right now…

Growth is painful. Change is painful. But in the end, nothing is as painful as staying stuck somewhere in the past.

Let me share a quick true story with you…

When Our Old Stories Hold Us Back

She rarely makes eye contact. Instead, she looks down at the ground. Because the ground is safer. Because unlike people, it expects nothing in return. She doesn’t have to feel ashamed about her past. The ground just accepts her for who she is right now.

As she sits at the bar next to me, she stares down at (more…)

20 Things You Gradually Learn as You Let Go of the Uncontrollable

Angel Chernoff — Wed, 15 Dec 2021 08:42:00 GMT

Accept what is, let go of what was, and have faith in your journey.

It’s always necessary to accept when some part of your life has reached its inevitable end. Closing the door, completing the chapter, turning the page, etc. – it doesn’t matter what you title it; what matters is that you find the strength to leave in the past those parts of your life that are over.

It’s all about embracing the truth: What has happened is uncontrollable; what you do now changes everything!

Of course, knowing this and actually living a lifestyle that reinforces this truth are two very different things. Letting go is NOT easy – it’s a journey that is traveled one day at a time. If you stick with it, here’s what your journey will ultimately teach you: (more…)

20 True Stories of Heartbreak and Resilience that Will Make You Think, Smile and Cry

Marc Chernoff — Tue, 07 Dec 2021 08:59:00 GMT

“That which does not kill us makes us stronger.”
– Friedrich Nietzsche

The wisest, most loving, and well-rounded people you have ever met are likely those who have been shattered by heartbreak. Yes, life creates the greatest humans by breaking them first. Their destruction into pieces allows them to be fine-tuned and reconstructed into a masterpiece. Truly, it’s the painstaking journey of falling apart and coming back together that fills their hearts and minds with a level of compassion, understanding, and deep loving wisdom that can’t possibly be acquired any other way.

Angel and I have worked with hundreds of these incredible people over the past decade, both online and offline, through various forms of coaching, courses, and our live annual conferences. In many cases they came to us feeling stuck and lost, unaware of their own brilliance, blind to the fact that their struggles have strengthened them and given them a resilient upper hand in this crazy world. Honestly, many of these people are now our biggest heroes. Over the years they have given us as much, if not more, than we have given them. And they continue to be our greatest source of inspiration on a daily basis.

So today, to honor these unlikely heroes of ours, we want to share some of their stories with you (more…)

10 Fantasies to Let Go of Before the New Year

Marc Chernoff — Tue, 30 Nov 2021 08:59:00 GMT

“A 10-year-old patient of mine will be undergoing her 14th surgery in three years’ time to combat a rare and aggressive type of cancer. Even after all the medical procedures and surgeries, I’ve never seen her frown—I’ve never seen her skip a beat. Although the odds continue to work against her, I’m certain her attitude, acceptance and presence are the principal reasons she has lived so well to this point. She’s still positively engaged in living her life to the fullest. She laughs and plays with her friends and family. She has realistic, intelligent goals for the upcoming year that she’s already working on. A kid like her who can go through everything she’s been through and wake up every day with enthusiasm for the life she’s living, is the reason I’m enrolled in your course.”

That’s the opening paragraph of an email I received recently from a new course student. It caught my attention for obvious reasons. (Note: I’m sharing this with permission.)

Our student then went on to say, “My conversations with this incredible little girl have opened my awareness to all the self-destructive fantasies I have in my head. I have it so good—I am incredibly fortunate to be alive and healthy, for example—and yet I sit at home most nights thinking the opposite. I don’t necessarily do this consciously or intensely, but I do it. I fantasize about how my life ‘should’ be different than it is—how everything should be better, easier, more enjoyable, and so forth. And these fantasies are slowly spoiling my attitude and my ability to make progress on the things that are important to me.”

Wow! Talk about a great reminder for all of us to get out of our own heads.

And the truth is, most of us come to similar realizations at some point. The older we grow, and the more real-world tragedies and challenges we witness, the more we (more…)

8 Little Wake-Up Calls You Need to Receive Before it’s Too Late

Marc Chernoff — Sun, 21 Nov 2021 08:59:00 GMT

You’ve come a long way, and you’re still learning and growing. Be thankful for the lessons. Take them and make the best of things right now.

For my 18th birthday, many moons ago, my grandfather on my mom’s side gave me four lightly-used flannel shirts that he no longer needed. The shirts were barely worn and in great shape; my grandfather told me he thought they would look great on me. Unfortunately, I thought they were odd gifts at the time and I wasn’t thankful. I looked at him skeptically, gave him a crooked half-smile, and moved on to the other gifts sitting in front of me. My grandfather died two days later from a sudden heart attack. The flannel shirts were the last gifts he ever gave me, and that crooked half-smile was the last time I directly acknowledged him. Today, I still regret the little thing I didn’t say when I had the chance: “Thank you Grandpa. I appreciate you.”

That was one huge wake-up call for me—one that has served me well for over two decades now.

And here are eight more wake-up calls that have also served me—some important reminders worth remembering before it’s too late:

1. You might not have tomorrow to say, “I love you.”

About a decade ago a coworker of mine died in a car accident. During his funeral several people (more…)

18 Things to Remember When Your Heart is Breaking

Angel Chernoff — Wed, 10 Nov 2021 08:59:00 GMT

“Don’t cry when the sun is gone, because the tears won’t let you see the stars.”
— Violeta Parra

It’s a dull, subdued sensation, when your heart is breaking, like the muffled sound of a distant gunshot. It doesn’t physically pierce your skin or tear you to pieces, but the sensation is physically present – the paralyzing discomfort of realizing that something you took for granted is leaving for good.

Although it’s hard to accept at first, this is actually a good sign, having a broken heart. It means you have loved something, you have tried for something, and you have let life teach you.

Life will attempt to break you down sometimes; nothing and no one can completely protect you from this reality. Remaining alone and hiding from the world won’t either, for endless, stagnant solitude will also break you with unhealthy nostalgia and yearning.

You have to stand back up and put yourself out there again. Your heart is stronger than you realize. I’ve been there and I’ve seen heartbreak through to the other side. It takes time and patience.

Deep heartbreak is kind of like being lost in the woods – every direction leads to nowhere at first. When you are standing in a forest of darkness, you cannot see any light that could ever lead you home. But if you wait for the sun to rise again, and listen when someone assures you that they themselves have stood in that same dark place, and have since moved forward with their life, oftentimes this will bring the hope that’s needed.

It’s so hard to give you advice when you’ve got a broken heart, but some words can heal, and this is my attempt to give you hope. You are stronger than you know!

Please remember… (more…)

20 Things that Will Matter a Lot Less to You in 20 Years

Marc Chernoff — Mon, 01 Nov 2021 09:00:00 GMT

Too often we let the little frustrations of each day blind us to the beauty in front of us. We get caught up in our own heads, and literally don’t know our lives to be any better than the few things that aren’t going our way. We call people to complain or we spew out our gripes on social media. “Life is so unfair!” we yell. And everyone agrees and throws their two cents into the gossip pool.

Other times we talk a big talk about a lot of stuff that really doesn’t matter that much. We scrutinize and dramatize the insignificant until we’re blue in the face, and then we sit back and scratch our heads in bewilderment of how unfulfilling life feels.

But the older we grow, the quieter we become and the less pointless drama and chaos we engage in. Life humbles us gradually as we age. We realize how much nonsense we’ve wasted time on.

Truth be told, the afternoon always understands what the morning never even suspected.

Here are some things we tend to expend lots of mental and physical energy on when we’re younger, that we eventually realize matter a lot less than we originally thought… (more…)

10 Things to Remember Before You Take Things Personally

Angel Chernoff — Sun, 24 Oct 2021 08:59:00 GMT

Let me share three quick stories and some life-changing lessons with you…

This morning at a train stop near the hospital, a man and his three young kids got on. The kids were loud and completely out of control, running from one end of the train car to the other. An annoyed passenger sitting next to me looked over at the man and asked, “Is there a reason you’re letting your kids go nuts right now?” The man looked up with tears in his eyes and said, “The doc just told me their mother isn’t going to make it. Sorry, I’m just trying to think before we all sit down at home to talk about this.”
Two of my ex-coworkers actually laughed at me last year when I told them I dreamed of opening my own hair salon. When I spoke with you and Marc on a coaching call that same day, Marc said something like, “We’ve known quite a few people who went after their dreams and succeeded. One thing they all had in common was they got laughed at in the process.” That advice really pushed me forward. And I’m proud to say I opened my salon almost six months ago, and business is really taking off. But to think I almost didn’t do it … I almost took my ex-coworkers’ negativity to heart!
Today one of my regular customers, a really grumpy elderly man who has been eating in our diner every morning for the better part of five years, left me $1,000 in cash for his $7 breakfast. Alongside the cash he left a small note that read, “Thank you, Christine. I know I haven’t been the brightest smile in your life, but your smile and hospitable service over the years gave me something to look forward to every morning after my wife passed away. I wanted to say thank you. I’m moving eight hours down the road this afternoon to live with my son and his family. May the rest of your life be magical.”

These stories have (more…)

5 “Notes to Self” About the Precious Little Time You Have Left

Marc Chernoff — Wed, 13 Oct 2021 10:07:00 GMT

A Good Girl (Who Didn’t Make It)

Alyssa was my best friend. She was a talented musician, a graceful gymnast, a brilliant writer, and a deeply passionate human being. She cared about people. Love bled from every facet of her being. When she spoke, her eyes were as sincere as her words. And she always wanted to understand what was wrong so she could strive to make it better.

But Alyssa woke up one day during her senior year in college with a strange pain in her chest. The on-campus doctors didn’t understand why, so they referred her to a specialist. After several MRIs and blood tests, they determined that she had a rare, escalated case of Hodgkin’s lymphoma—a form of cancer. She spent the next three years suffering through varying degrees of pain and sickness as multiple doctors treated her with radiation and chemotherapy. And although these doctors were initially hopeful, Alyssa’s condition worsened, and she eventually succumbed to her cancer, dying on her (more…)

The Art of Being Grateful on Really Hard Days

Marc Chernoff — Fri, 01 Oct 2021 10:01:00 GMT

“If you’re always grateful for the little things, it’s hard to avoid momentary happiness. It’s a lack of gratitude that often keeps us feeling down.”

There’s a little ritual Angel and I practice every single day, that can turn hard days into easier ones, and extremely difficult life situations into far better ones—and it won’t surprise you either. It’s the ritual of gratitude.

Of course, this is such a fundamental ritual, and yet it’s one we often forget to practice. But when we do practice diligently, it can quickly transform both our minds and our lives.

Let me give you a quick example. Just over a decade ago, I remember one specific night I was struggling with grief, and also feeling very stressed about being broke, without work, and unhappy with the direction of my life. I was depressed, and very lost.

But that night I pushed myself hard to put things into perspective. I wrote out a list of everything I was truly grateful for, even as everything in my life seemed to be going wrong. It ended up being a pretty long list, and I still have the list hanging on my home office bulletin board today. Some of the key things on it include: (more…)

4 Hard Truths About Today that Will Make You a Stronger Person

Angel Chernoff — Wed, 15 Sep 2021 07:59:00 GMT

Life keeps leading us on journeys we would never go on if it were up to us. Don’t be afraid. Have faith. Find the lessons. Trust the journey today.

We are all beautiful human beings, just trying to find our way. Today and every day we seek to better understand the meaning of our lives. We long to discover our gifts and release them fully into the world, and we hope to find happiness, peace, and strength along the way. For some of us the key to these desires rings loud and clear, driving what we do and how we do it from moment to moment. For others, these deep seeded needs are buried below the noise of daily life, below ego, below fear, below the pressures and norms that we face in society… and thus, they are rarely addressed.

Along my own journey of self-actualization, I’ve witnessed dozens of amazing people — friends, course students, live event attendees, etc. — discover their own paths to happiness and self-fulfillment, and I’ve noticed many common themes emerge. In all cases, the happiness they discover and gradually develop internally is seeded by the realization of certain hard yet fundamental truths about the nature of their lives in the present day.

It seems we are all here to realize these truths (more…)

4 Little Things that Will Matter a Lot More to You in 40 Years

Marc Chernoff — Wed, 01 Sep 2021 09:01:00 GMT

God willing, you’ll be gifted another 40 years of life experience.

But even if you aren’t, the core principle of this article remains relevant:

As you age, you’ll learn to value your time, genuine relationships, meaningful work, and peace of mind, much more. Little else will matter.

Deep down you know this already, right?

Yet today, just like the majority of us, you are distracted by everything else.

You give too much of your time to (more…)

10 Things You Must Give Up to Get Yourself Back on Track

Angel Chernoff — Tue, 17 Aug 2021 17:09:00 GMT

If you want to grow and move on to better things, you have to give up the things that hold you back.

Recently, Marc and I received a new thank you email from a longtime reader and coaching client named Kevin (we’re writing about him today with his consent). He said our books and M&A life coaching sessions helped him and his wife Laura maintain a positive, intentional mindset as they struggled and grew through one of the most difficult periods of their lives. Certain sections of his email nearly moved me to tears:

“As you know, after injuring my back, losing my job because of it, being evicted from our apartment, moving in with Laura’s parents, nursing my five-year-old through a nearly fatal bout of strep throat, I was stuck in a tragic rut for far too long. And I was sitting on the front porch of my in-law’s house feeling sorry for myself, yet again, when my old college buddy called me crying and said, ‘Mel-Mel-Melissa, my baby girl, just died in a car wreck.’ And suddenly I felt like the lucky one.”

Kevin then went on to say, “It was the shock of my friend’s tragic loss that motivated me to review four pages of notes I had previously taken from both your book and our most recent coaching sessions. And this time your wisdom sunk in! Suddenly a light bulb illuminated in my mind – and it literally changed my entire outlook from negative to positive. I suddenly realized there were people who needed me to get back up, and infinite reasons and ways to do my very best with what I had. So I started giving up all the negative things I was thinking and doing that had been holding me back; and then I took a bold step forward, and another, and another. And it’s been almost a year now, and I’m happy to say you were right!”

If you can relate to Kevin’s situation in any way, and you’re ready to move forward, I want to remind you that TODAY is the first day of the rest of your life. The road ahead is wide open. You CAN get yourself back on track!

But first, you have to… (more…)

10 Regrets Too Many People Will Have in 10 Years

Marc Chernoff — Thu, 05 Aug 2021 09:27:00 GMT

In the final decade of his life, my grandfather woke up every single day at 7AM, picked a fresh wild flower on his morning walk, and took it to my grandmother. One morning, I decided to go with him to see her. And as he placed the flower on her gravestone, he looked up at me and said, “I just wish I had picked her a fresh flower every morning when she was alive. She really would have loved that.” As you can imagine, my grandfather’s words touched a nerve in me. And over the years I’ve often reflected on what he said that morning, and how his sentiment relates to everyone and everything I care about.

God willing, when I’m on the cusp of my 80’s, I don’t want to sit with regrets. I don’t want to wish I had done things differently—especially something as simple, yet meaningful, as picking wild flowers for the love of my life.

Don’t you agree?

To an extent, I know you do.

In the end, more than anything else, we regret (more…)

7 Mantras for Those Who Have Lost Their Motivation and Hope

Marc Chernoff — Tue, 20 Jul 2021 09:37:00 GMT

Earlier today, I was sitting on a park bench eating a sandwich for lunch when an elderly couple pulled their car up under a nearby oak tree. They rolled down the windows and turned up some jazz music on the radio. Then the man got out of the car, walked around to the passenger side, and opened the door for the woman. He took her hand and helped her out of her seat, guided her about ten feet away from the car, and they slow danced for the next half hour under the oak tree.

It was a beautiful sight to see. I could have watched them forever. And as they wrapped things up and started making their way back to the car, I clapped my hands in admiration.

Perhaps doing so was obnoxious. Perhaps I should have just appreciated being a silent witness. But I was so caught up in the moment—so incredibly moved—that my hands came together before my conscious mind caught on. And I’m sincerely grateful they did, because what happened next inspired the words you’re reading now.

The elderly couple slowly walked over to me (more…)

40 Hard Things You Need to Hear

Angel Chernoff — Sun, 11 Jul 2021 09:57:00 GMT

I’m sitting here on the tenth anniversary of a dear friend’s passing, thinking about the last conversation I had with her. With a soft, weak voice she told me her only regret was that she didn’t live every year with the same level of love, passion and purpose she had in the final two years of her life, after she was diagnosed with terminal cancer. “I’ve accomplished so much recently. And I’ve touched so many people,” she told me. “If only I had listened to the good advice of my elders—if only I had known—I would have started sooner. I wouldn’t have wasted so much time on drama and distractions that don’t matter.”

My friend’s words were hard to hear in that moment, for many reasons. And although her sentiments—her lessons—were concepts I had listened to others say a hundred times before, I had never truly heard them until that moment. My heart broke wide open for her, and for me. It was downright painful to see the glimmers of regret in her eyes, and then to realize that I too had wasted time … that I too had let so much good, common sense advice go in one ear and out the next.

For a decade now, I’ve lived with my late friend’s words echoing in the back of my mind. I’ve let them (more…)

10 Powerful Mantras to Stop You from Judging People

Marc Chernoff — Mon, 14 Jun 2021 12:05:00 GMT

When we are judging everyone and everything, we are learning nothing.

One of the most incredible changes I’ve made in my life, which has undoubtedly made me a happier person and a better friend, is learning to let go of judging people.

Now, I’m not going to sit here and pretend that I don’t ever judge others – we all have a tendency to do so by default… it’s a human instinct, and I’m not the exception. But I have learned to catch myself, and to recognize how judging is harmful.

Notice I say “harmful” instead of “bad,” because instead of judging myself, I’d rather observe that the act of judging causes harm.

What underlying harmful conditions are indicated by my tendency to judge people? It varies, but in many cases these points apply…

I don’t know everyone’s full story and I’m therefore ignorant of what most people are going through.
I have unrealistic and unjustified expectations of people.
I subconsciously believe that I’m somehow better than the people I’m judging.
I’m being a bit self-absorbed and egotistical.
I’ve lost sight of being grateful for my own blessings and compassionate to those who aren’t as fortunate.
I’m not being curious or willing to learn, but instead I’m judging and rejecting people who are different than me.
I can’t possibly help the present situation from a place of judgment.

How Judging Someone Transpires

Let me give you a personal example of how judging someone plays out so we can see how the harmful conditions above transpire:

I visit an old friend who (more…)

12 Stories of Kindness and Generosity that Will Change the Way You Live

Marc Chernoff — Mon, 24 May 2021 14:01:00 GMT

There is no exercise better for the heart and soul than reaching out and lifting others up.

When life is pressing on you and stressing you out, pause, take a deep breath, and remind yourself that you are not at the center of the universe.

When you’re overwhelmed by life’s daily struggles, it’s so easy to feel like you’re at the center. But you aren’t. None of us are.

Truth be told, we all have the occasional tendency to put ourselves at the center, and see everything in life from the viewpoint of how it affects us. This can have all kinds of unfavorable effects, from feeling sorry for ourselves when things don’t go exactly as planned, to doubting ourselves when we fail to be perfect.

Let me give you a recent example from my life…

This morning I was faced with a painful rejection – an opportunity I applied for was not decided in my favor. At first I felt awful – I felt a familiar feeling of inadequacy. But I caught myself and quickly shifted my focus.

Instead of ruminating over my disappointment, I thought about other people I might help – I thought about writing a new article on marcandangel.com. Finding little ways to help others snaps me out of my self-centered thinking, and then I’m not wallowing in self-pity anymore – I’m starting to think about what others need. I’m not second-guessing myself, because the question of whether I’m inadequate or not is no longer the central question. The central question now is about how I can give back. And writing on marcandangel.com is my go-to way of giving back.

The bottom line is that finding a way to give back – to practice a little kindness and generosity – made a big difference in my life this morning. And it can make a big difference in your life too.

Stories to Shift Your Focus, and Inspire Kindness & Generosity

Over the past decade (more…)

21 Tiny Stories For Those Who Have Lost Their Motivation

Angel Chernoff — Tue, 04 May 2021 11:02:00 GMT

This morning I didn’t feel like doing anything. It’s a combination of exhaustion from a few days of hard work and preparation for a group coaching event we’re hosting for our Getting Back to Happy Course students, and a lack of sleep with a sick 7-year-old in the house.

I couldn’t motivate myself to do anything important, which is a rare occurrence for me. I just felt completely drained. I started overthinking things and doubting myself, and wondering whether anything I do is worthwhile.

I sat there in this funk for nearly an hour and wondered how to snap out of it. Should I just forget about today? Should I just give up on this project in front of me, because I’m not as good at it as I thought I was?

That’s what I was considering, at least for a fleeting moment. But the better part of me knew this mild state of depression would soon pass. And just as I started to feel better, a neat bit of synchronicity arrived in my email inbox from Gina, a new course student Marc and I have been coaching over the past few days. The opening lines of her email read:

“I feel so drained, so uninspired. I’m stuck again! My mind is spinning with worry and overwhelm and just a general lack of enthusiasm. Anything you could share? What’s something small I could reflect on and try to remember when I’ve lost my motivation?”

With our student’s permission, I’m answering her inquiry publicly because I know we all need a good reminder in this area sometimes—heaven knows I needed one this morning, too.

While there are many approaches to momentary self-motivation, reflecting on and learning from other people’s stories is paramount. The right story at the right time can move us at our core. Fortunately, the nature of the work Marc and I do as personal development coaches and authors allows us to hear these kinds of stories from clients, students and readers on a daily basis. So, this morning, that’s exactly what I was reflecting on when Gina emailed me. And right now, with full permission from the original sources, I want to share powerful snippets from some of these stories with you. (more…)

25 Things You Need to Stop Wasting Time On

Marc Chernoff — Mon, 19 Apr 2021 14:27:00 GMT

“Dost thou love life? Then do not squander time, for that’s the stuff life is made of.”
— Benjamin Franklin

I recently received a thank you email from a reader and course student named Hope. She said our work helped motivate her through an arduous recovery process following a serious car accident last year. Although her entire story was both heartbreaking and inspiring, this one line made me pause and think:

“The happiest moment of my life is still that split-second a year ago when, as I laid crushed under a 2000 pound car, I realized my husband and 9-year-old boy were out of the vehicle and absolutely OK.”

Dire moments like this force us to acknowledge what’s truly important to us. In Hope’s case, it was her husband and son. And in the remainder of her email she talks about how her family spends significantly more time together now, sharing daily stories, telling little jokes, and appreciating each other’s company. “The accident made us realize how much time we had been wasting every day on things that weren’t important, which prevented us from spending quality time with each other,” she said.

It’s hard to think about a story like Hope’s and not ask yourself: What do I need to stop wasting time on?

Here are some things to consider that I’ve been examining in my own life: (more…)