I’ve had conversations like this before. And this usually comes up somewhere in them: What might get in the way of implementing? “Forgetting. Getting busy. This stuff is hard. Others.”

So I offer this, as I offer it to you. It doesn’t have to be hard. You’re going to learn a ton in your life. You’re going to see a bunch of things you want to do better; behaviors you want to adopt; skills you want to master; things you want to create; things you want others to do. Not everyone is going to want to play. (It’s not about them anyway. You start.) Cool. So get started, and stay present – no matter where you are.

One personal default (or team default – this tends to be universal) is often to be overwhelmed by how much you might want to do, how hard it might be to do it, the challenge of just getting it started. And in the end, to sometimes just to do nothing at all. It doesn’t have to be this way, but somehow we go there.

The secret to movement and shifting behavior? Presence. Appreciation. One step at a time. Big or little.

Presence is actually what I notice gets in the way for we lovely, constantly evolving human beings. We have so many things on our plates, so much we want to commit to, accomplish, impact; competing priorities and values abound; demands on our time of the people we care about and want to serve – limitless…but none of this means we can’t stay present to our lives, to our impact, to the growth and peace we want to foster within ourselves.

So stay present. As present as possible. And when you lose presence, no big deal, climb back on. (Quickest route to getting present in the moment? Check your body, check your breathing, connect with THE current moment. “What’s real right now?”)

And in the midst of all this presence…appreciate. Appreciate the current state no matter what it is. Beating oneself up for not creating the change they want, or simply just not appreciating and fully experiencing what the current state is, no matter what…is another place we stop movement. Another place we destroy internal peace. Painful. Doesn’t have to be. But it takes presence, intention, appreciation, and yes, steps, to move.

I’ve just released a new paper (it’s a quick read) speaking to some of this and sharing 14 principles for creating alignment (not only with others, but with oneself). You’re welcome to it. To download your copy, you can access it at the bottom of this page – just enter your email in the “lead from the inside out” bar.

Pick one thing…just one. Even if it’s presence. Work on that one thing. Notice what shifts for you. Don’t let the simplicity of the 14 fool you. They create ripple effects.

Working with teams and partners I get to see a lot of conflicting truths. The “he said, she said” kind. The “this is right, this is wrong” kind. And the flat out “we live in two worlds, your sky is green, my sky is blue” kind. There are all kinds. And I shouldn’t limit this just to teams and partners, I’d include individuals in this dilemma as well (anyone else out there have conflicting internal truths?)

The truth is important because it lends itself to creating more trust, to creating intimacy, to building alignment, to getting things done. But sometimes it’s just not black and white. As much as we’d love it to be (especially on Mondays), it’s just not that simple. Sometimes “our truth” together as a team is different than “my truth” as an individual. And I think this is not only okay, but actually powerful – if it’s engaged in a healthy way. It’s a huge opportunity for intimacy, connection, spirit, health…

What occurs to me is that there is often no way that everyone is going to see “the truth” in the same light. (What is the truth after all?) We all have our variations of the truth through the lens we look through. The challenge is when the truths are so different, we can’t find alignment. So what then? (This is where the healthy part comes in.) The magic comes in creating the space and the safety for each person in the system (on the team, in the partnership, in the family) to share their truth. Without judgement. Without repercussion. Without disdain. Even without argument. The truth is vulnerable. The truth has truth.

The art of truth telling is in honoring each person’s truth, for exactly what it is. To witness them in their truth. To create space for intimacy. The truth teller’s job is to do just that, tell the truth – and to assume good in the witness. The witness’ job is to listen, to be present – and to assume good in the truth teller.

And when alignment is needed? A “help-things-go-right” path can be to find the shared intentions behind each person’s truth to find some alignment. To speak to what’s happening. To name the conflicts. And ultimately to then put the issue at hand out in front of the system to decide which truth, collaborative or not, will best serve the system.

And, of course, to be truthful, thoughtful, respectful, and present throughout the process.

Food for thought: Do you create space for truth telling in your life and organization? Do you tell the truth? If not, to either, what’s missing? What would you need to be present in order to engage from this place?

Enjoy and happy Spring my beautiful friends and readers! xx

• Want something? Create it.
• Love someone? Tell them.
• Have a complaint? Make a request.
• Feel tired? Feed you mind, body, and spirit.
• Not getting “enough?” Appreciate more.
• Looking for someone to blame? Consider your contributions.
• Getting in your own way? Get out.
• Procrastinating? Dive in. (Make sure it’s the right thing to dive into.)
• Trust issues? Where are you not trust-able? (And/or what more info do you need?)
• Want to be heard? Listen.
• Want things to change? Be the change you want to see.
• Want more impact? Play a bigger game.
• Stuck in your head? Contribute out there.
• Looking for validation? Validate.
• Looking for appreciation? Appreciate.
• Slow? Foggy? Not humming on all 8 cylinders? Work the model. 

And yes, be kind. Be generous. Be grateful. Love on yourself. Do more good things. Zoom zoom.

Be honest, where do you “come from”? No wrong answer, truth is half+ the battle.

Some may be surprised that the second path is actually easier (and way more effective) way to go. It doesn’t require force and manipulation. It requires peace and contribution.

We don’t get respect simply because of what we do or what our name is, we create respect from who we are, how we show up and how we treat ourselves and others. Yes, we can absolutely be respected for great work, talent, impact, etc…that’s all great and important. AND there’s a deeper element to respect which is the “being” and the people component; how we treat people, how we regard them, the energy we bring to the table, and even our internal dialogue with ourselves. (Note the energy of “entitlement”, “demand”, “authority”, and “must” vs. “connection”, “appreciation”, “humility”, and “truth”.)

A couple of magical equations I’ve noticed with clients:

If you want more respect…be respectful.
If you want to be seen and understood…see and understand.
If you want appreciation and to be valued…appreciate and value.
If you want contribution…contribute.
If you want generosity…be generous.
If you want trust…be trustworthy (and trust).
If you want things different…lead.

Yes, there’s a pattern here…That thing you want so much? Create it by being it. (I don’t know about you, but I think that is like the coolest thing ever. Does not mean it’s easy.) Note that this isn’t just about “being it” for other people, this includes “being it” for yourself. (Do you respect yourself? Value self? Lead self?)

Part of the work I do with clients is helping them to shift their mindset, energy, and actions for greater influence, impact and purpose. The bonus? In the process they create congruent happiness and greater internal respect. (Again, so cool.) The invitation? Identify that thing that’s in your ‘craw’ – that thing you want, that hangs you up…now go do it for someone else, and be it for yourself.

Vitamin E has been on my mind this week – there are several forms of it; exhilaration, energy, education, engagement…

To me these all blend. (My proprietary blend is LV-E6.) And what I find is that it’s not just about taking, or experiencing the “vitamin” that’s important, but rather about how you USE it (for good) which seems to amplify the vitamin’s potency. Let’s take “exhilaration”…

Exhilaration…the thing that gets you juiced up, excited, ready to roll, maybe thrilled, maybe terrified, heart racing in a skippity light kind of way. Juicy. There’s an “unknown” to it.

I feel it as I’m heading into a long weekend of working with a bunch of really smart fellow business leaders (many of whom I’ve never met) and stepping into a new master mind with entrepreneurs focused on creating contribution and purpose through their businesses (more on this later, right now I’m in exhilaration penting up mode.) I’m using it to be awake, grounded, and intentional.

I felt it yesterday heading up to the top floors of a client’s very very tall and beautiful building in SF overlooking the bay (with Monday’s earthquake in mind) as I thought about how blessed I am to do work I love and create impact that ripples. I used it to feel good, stay present and be in service of.

I felt it as I “danced” with a couple of founders to help them create magic and respect in their relationship, leadership and ultimately their organization. Butterflies, gratitude and awe. I used it to work on my edge, tell the truth, and come from love.

I felt it, driving up the driveway, coming home last night, simply anticipating tucking my kids into bed – just thinking of their cute little faces, their sleepy breath, their murmur of “hi mom.” And how lucky I am that I get to be called “mom”. (I used it to breathe.)

I feel it now.

Here’s what I notice about exhilaration – it gives us an edge. It keeps us awake. It adds value. It sometimes has to be created. It serves. It reminds.

I also notice that a great place to access it, is in gratitude. And another place, in service.

Where are your spots of exhilaration? Where do you go, within yourself, to tap into that energy? How does it serve you – and those you serve? Take a peek. And use it.

People sometimes think it woo woo when I talk about “leading one’s energy intentionally and holding their space” – but this is actually one of the places this comes into play. It’s all about the energy of the work; the lens you see it through, and the energy you bring to the table.

Try it on. Try on “working hard” – feel into it. Feel your body, what happens with your brain, feel any emotion that comes up for you. Now try on “present, open and curious”- feel into that. What’s different?

“Working harder” has a “force” to it, it’s pushing, it has a scarcity energy to it, it’s “tight”, it’s uphill, it’s exhausting. It does not inspire, it does not compel. It grinds.

“Being present in the moment, open, curious, leading my energy, managing my space, and being fully engaged in the work, finding the gifts in it – even enjoying it” (or whatever works for you ), has a different impact. All the sudden the space has opened up. Instead of force, I’ve stepped back, I’ve caught my breath, I’ve looked at how it can be more fun, more energizing, more organic.

Regardless of how “hard” something is, if I can, in the moment, start to find the opportunity in it and a bit more space, I’ve changed the energy I’m bringing to the table. My resource state, my ability to engage with the work, shifts. The exact same work – that was once hard and I was going to trudge through it, remains the same work, yet now I have more space to look at it, to work with it, to collaborate and leverage myself, to see new perspectives, and to even enjoy it.

I’ve been playing with this with clients for years,  imagine my delight when a client sent me this link today discussing positivity in work and that working harder is not the answer. It’s a 12 minute video from a TED talk by Shawn Achor. You’ll find some great statistics in here (love the way he does stats), and some easy ways to start increasing that positivity…that, oh by the way, will make you work better while you feel happy doing it.

The Happy Secret to Better Work

I take good care myself, but often when I come back from a week of intense work, I need 2 days of decompression. (My husband jokes that he’s never seen anyone so extreme on the gas pedal – I can go from 100 mph for 4 days, completely focused on “other”, to 0 mph in no time flat.) But this time it was different. And here’s why (so far as I can tell)…I raised my own bar on self-care and intentionality; I took self-care to a new level:

• I designed my week like a maniac up front, holding scheduling and self care boundaries like never before.
• I juiced, yes juiced with really good stuff, 3 days worth of juice before I left.*
• I packed a cooler with food I know makes me feel good and supports my energy levels.*
• I scheduled my workouts in – non-negotiable – and even got a Bikram Yoga Class in at the Funky Door on Polk (which is a necessary experience if you love hot and steamy yoga and happen to be in SF.)
• I diversified my week, very intentionally booking things together that made my heart sing.
• I was obscenely focused on value and super hungry to make sure that my clients got what they needed. At the end of all 4 days – I felt very well used. (This is a good thing for me.)
• I planned in fun stuff and breaks in between and even during events – good food, and local field trips to an awesome craft store, the fab coffee bar, an architectural book store, and even a walk through Japonesque gallery (wow).
• I meditated every day so I could be as clear and present as possible.
• I listened to great great great music.
• I stayed present. And recovered quickly when I “took off”.
• I kept one master “to-do” list to save mental energy (anyone else out there operating off of 3 to-do lists: computer, phone, and maybe a notebook or two?)
• I did work I loved. I focused on the people. My “WHY” was in full bloom.

Today is Saturday, it’s a “lay low” day. I’m still in my sweats. (I consider it a bonus I’ve brushed my teeth.) I’m catching up on some stuff. Hanging with my family. Teasing my dogs. Reconnecting with my juicer. I’m mellow, but not wiped. Feeling peaceful, but still humming in a really good way. While I know not every week will be like this past week, and that I won’t always be able to check these things off “the list”, and that sometimes…I’ll just fall flat, the experience is a gift. This week reminds me of the power we have as human beings to “get in front of it”, set ourselves up for success, and to not only serve our clients and teams better by doing so, but our families, and ourselves, as well. Even just doing one or two things can make all the difference in the world. I think the magic is in the decision and making it a priority.

What do you do to “get in front” of it so that you can serve best (while feeling great doing so?) Lots of things I’m thinking about, I’m about to amplify – ready?

*Note: I know the “have juice and food, will travel” thing only really works when traveling by car, however, I’ve done this when flying too by making my first stop from the airport Whole Foods or something good, or at a minimum researching local clean food places.

Both sets of circumstances warrant attention. Both impact spirit. Both influence effectiveness and creativity. The wrong will always demand attention, it will be obvious to those around it, it will sit in the spirits of those involved in it. It will stay. But the “right” – without awareness and intention – will often flee. It may be sensed for a moment, perhaps be less obvious, and get overridden by all else there is to move on to…next.

Human beings can be pretty masterful at brewing in the wrong; where they “fell short”; where they didn’t meet a goal; where they could have done it better. Talking about what’s not working, or what didn’t work, or pointing out what needs to be better, is an easy default for some of the smartest of people who mean great and want to do even more. Talking about what’s working or pointing out what’s going well is not as easy. Nor is accepting the praise and recognition for things going right. Yet it’s key.

And this is one of the reasons feedback can be so scary. Because so much feedback is geared towards the “bad”, there can be an automatic human response of “resistance” and fear to feedback. Before the feedback is even out, the person is prepared for the “bad”; their lens and experience is already shaded. The unnatural comfort with stewing in the “wrong” is also one of the reasons that out of 10 things, if 9 go great and 1 goes bad – the 1 gets the attention. The “one” is the one that can stick with a reputation for years. The “one” is the one that keeps people up at night, inspires fear to take risks, has people get “careful.” The “one” creates stuckness.

I’m thinkin’ this is not a totally energizing way to work with the human spirit or to inspire more creativity and excitement. How about you?

Instead? Try swapping the ratios of how you focus on “good” vs. “bad”. If you struggle here, just notice the pull to go to the bad. Notice the pull to move through celebration quickly – and then shift it. Stay. That 1 out of 9 that went badly? Note it, learn from it, and celebrate the 9 like crazy. Throw a party. For feedback? Go out of your way for “good”. Make a conscious effort to give people positive feedback. Treat it just a seriously as you would negative feedback. Acknowledge them for who they are and what they bring to the table (especially when things are going “wrong.”) When the “one” does happen to someone you know, love ‘em, help them learn from it, use it to grow.

Of course it’s important to be aware of where things don’t work, what can be improved, what downright sucks – and it’s even more important to focus energy and attention on the opposite side of the street. It’s core to your creative and compassionate spirit to honor the people (that includes yourself) for who they are and how they’re showing up. The good, the bad, the ugly – it all counts. Zoom in on some good and see how much easier the bad and the ugly become. (Funny that even in the “good, bad, ugly” cliche there are 2 “bads” and 1 “good”.)

Three quick places to look (btw, whichever one “perks” you the most is likely the one that wants attention):

1. Physical/Environmental Energy: How’s your nutrition? Your physical practice? Your “me” time and space to be present with yourself? Your physical environment? Those pantries, closets, refrigerators, cars, offices, etc. will not clean or organize themselves – but when clean and organized will give you multiple ROIs in self-care, energy management, and internal peace. I have clients who are shocked at how their environment (not to mention physical care) impacts their leadership presence and ability to influence. And it’s an easy fix.

2. Mental/Emotional Energy: How are you supporting yourself mentally and emotionally in the New Year? Are you focusing on what you want, or don’t want? Are you making complaints, or requests? Are you connected to what you’re grateful for, or to what you don’t have? Are you giving yourself full permission to have full emotions, or are you charging forward, suppressing, no time for those “unwanted” emotions? The good, the bad, and even the ugly are essential to emotional authenticity. Paying attention to where your mind goes and where you focus is key to setting yourself up mentally and energetically for a strong New Year. (Seriously, try it – I’ll bet you can find 10 reasons why 2012 is rockin, and 10 reasons why it sucks – check it out. Which area of focus gives you more voooom to lead well and live well? Hmmm.)

3. Vibrational and Relational Energy: What’s the vibe you’re putting out there? What’s the energetic impact you’re creating? We’re always having an impact – always. What that impact is is highly influenced by how intentional you want to be around it. Notice the energy you bring into a room. Notice the energy you bring to your relationships (especially the toughest ones), notice, shift as needed, and enjoy.

What’s true for you? What are you finding serves you for “getting in front of it” and setting yourself up for success? What is the impact on your ability to lead well? Whatever it is, please share it here, please do more of it, and have a fantastic 2012!

There’s a sneak peak into some of the topics buzzing around my meeting space this a.m. Which of these resonate for you? Which of these crave attention? Some of these may seem obvious or “oh, ya, I already know that” – but wait – don’t go there. Stop. Breathe. Take a deeper look. Give yourself the space to consider what you want/need to play better, and then look a little deeper. There is magic in the depths. Dive in. Get in front of it. And have an amazing New Year…