One of the preparations people make before leaving for Hajj is to seek forgiveness from the people they may have wronged.  This isn’t necessarily an obligatory part of leaving for Hajj, but it’s one that those preparing to leave  like to take.  Hajj wasn’t always easy, and so when people would go, they left expecting the worst–death.  And if they were going to die, they wanted to tie up any loose strings–this included injustices done to others.

With that in mind, I’ve been apologizing to people for the past week or so.  It’s so… strange.  I don’t know how to start the conversation.  It’s kind of a random thing to mention to people.  My conversations usually go like this:

Me:  So… I’m leaving for Hajj.
Person:  Really? Wow!  Mubarak!  May Allah make it easy for you.
Me:  So… I wanted to apologize if I’ve ever done anything wrong to you, behind your back or to your face.  I’m really sorry…
Person:  (cutting me off) You?  Ayesha?  Please!  You’ve never done anything!
Me:  Er… are you sure?   I mean I could’ve said something behind your back that you wouldn’t have liked…
Person:  (cutting me off again) You?  Give me a break!  No way!  All is forgiven.

All of my conversations have gone this way.  I’ve yet to meet someone who has hesitated to think about the very real possibility that I’ve done something wrong to them.  And here’s the killer… a lot of the people I’m apologizing to, I’m doing this specifically because I know I DID do something wrong to them.  But I don’t know want to bring up past grievances, or throw a bad situation in their face, or bring to light something they didn’t know about.  That seems like it’d do more harm than good.

It’s actually really painful and embarassing to realize that the person I’m apologizing to has such a sweet idea of me in their head, and that they have no idea how mean or horrible I was to them when they weren’t around. It’s really starting to get to me.  I’m starting to feel like such a bad person.  I’m constantly thinking about all the times I’ve shared a “juicy” story (juicy because I was eating flesh, I imagine) or even listened in on one.  I’m having to track down people from middle school and high school to apologize to them.   It’s really a terrible trip down “memory” lane.

*sigh*  May Allah make it easy for the people to forgive me–even though I probably don’t deserve it

Make him appreciate the chance to come to school
And realize that knowledge is his greatest tool
To get what she wants in this life, and the next
And to be considered among the ummah’s best

Let him see the importance of knowledge
Not just as means to get into college
That it can empower him in this life
To help out his brethren living in strife

Show her that she can be a doctor and help save a life
And not just, instead, strive to be a doctor’s wife
Let her not measure her success on her number of purses
But instead the ability to lead a team of fifty nurses

Let his goal not be the best grade on a test
But that he studied and tried his best
Make her do homework and turn all of it in
And study every night with true discipline

Let him see that nothing is given withing out trying
And that cheating is the same thing as lying
Guide her to see that success only comes from You
And attaining Jannah is the only success that is true

Show my student that my goal is the same
To help increase the strength of their name
To make them the best students they can be,
Ya Allah, please answer my dua, ameen!

Usually I don’t cook a lot of different things.  My standard rotation is lasagna or enchiladas, which are basically the same thing from different parts of the world.  Obviously I can’t cook those two dishes over and over again, so I’ve had to branch out a bit.  I think I’ve been rather adventurous, personally.  I’ve tried making dishes I never though I could, primarily desi food. (more…)

I guess that’s the most important part about the last 10 days or Ramadan.  Really cutting back on the luxury of sleep and using the few eight Power Hours of night we’re given to truly feel Ramadan and worship Allah in the best possible ways.  Here are some of activities that are easy to do, that I like:

1)  Making extra dhikr at any free opportunity–really restrain yourself from useless talk (especially gossip).  Just saying something as simple as subhanAllah wa bihamdihi, subhanAllah al atheem is light on the tongue but heavy on the scales

2) Read Qur’an as a form of dhikr–recite it outloud and try to make your voice beautiful.  Then make sure to read the meaning to get the most benefit from the activity.

3)  Pray in the last third of the night–even if it’s just one set of two rakaah.  Take advantage of your sajjud and closeness to Allah by asking Him for ANYTHING for this life and the next.  Be honest with yourself and realize that He is truly the only One who can give any of us what we want, and more importantly, what we need.

4) Make du’aa for your parents–you and I both know they deserve it.

Allahumma a’inee ‘ala dhikrika, wa shukrika, wa husni ibadatik! (O Allah, help me remember You, expressing gratitude to You and worship You in the best manner, ameen.)

First:  AbdelRahman did a couple things from a speaker’s end vital for a good event.

1)  The speaker was on time (read, early) greeting people as they came in–this is VERY important as a teacher.
2) The speaker was prepared and organized with a power point presentation–also VERY important when teaching.  It shows your audience/students that you cared to prepare something a head of time, that it required thought, and effort.

(more…)

December 6th, 2008

Through this new series I hope to share with you my thoughts on the epic weddings that I attend, one failure at a time.  But I also want to hear about experiences with epic weddings that turned out to be epic failures.  I don’t want to this become a series where I just bash on people who spend a lot of money on weddings.  I want there to be some good to come from this and come up with ways to advise the people on how to make their weddings more Islamically sound and socially acceptable.

So hold on to your ghararahs and shirwanis, because this is going to get interesting!

My first topic of choice is going to be targeting the program of an epic wedding, and what causes it to become an epic fail.

American-Desi Wedding

Weddings in the motherland don’t normally run into this problem.  People back at home know what is important at a wedding–the marriage contract and dinner.  The problem starts stateside, where desis are now trying to incorporate American cultural norms and traditions into our cultural norms and traditions to create some type of blockbuster summer wedding program extravanganza.

What do I mean?  Well at a typical non-Muslim American wedding there is the actual wedding ceremony in a church followed by a reception.  Usually at the reception there are some set parts of the evening:  the bride and groom are received by guests as the new Mr and Mrs; the best man and the maid of honor each propose a toast; the cake is cut; there is the first dance; and last but not least, the bouquet is thrown into a crowd of the bride’s friends.  Each of the moments is expected and takes very little time.  There are only two speeches–which are toasts, and only take about a minute or two max.  All of these practices, by the way, are appreciated by all the guests, because there are only about 100 of them there!  Nothing takes up a lot of time because there is not a huge crowd to manage.

In our weddings, on the other hand, there are about 500 people, average.  So if there is going to a be a program, it requires a lot of planning–planning on a conference-size level.  Planning that requires all the guests have arrived (on time, not a chance), that they are seated (busy eating a samosa, sorry), that they’ll all show interest in what you have to say(not going to happen, because no one cares what your chacha has to say about you.)  (more…)

On Sunday we worked together to first trim the bushes.  I used a trimmer to make sure all of them were perfectly rounded and flat on the top.  I felt like I was back in ceramics, smoothing out all the bumps on a newly spun pot.  It was nice to fashion it with my own hands.  Anyway, after that finished we had to cut up one of the trees in our yard that was having an identity crisis.

I say this because when we first bought the tree so many years ago all of its branches were growing downward.  It’s a crabapple tree, so its branches droop downward.  I guess that downward growth was forced by man when it was just a little tree, so now that it’s growing up, it’s starting to rebel just a bit.  A few of the branches on the top are growing straight up!  It looks like the tree is vomitting new green leaves.  Unfortunately for it, as healthy as the branches were, we called over Usman uncle and his chain saw to cut the new branches all of.  Sorry tree, but pain is beauty.

Anyway, with all the trees and bushes trimmed up and pretty, I noticed that our yard was still missing something… flowers!  So yesterday when I went with ammi to Randazzo’s, we picked up some flowers and brought them back home.  In the afternoon I went oustide to plant them. (more…)

1)  Algebra comes from the root ja-ba-ra, which means to correct or straighten with force–When asked what the connection was, he said it was because in Algebra you focus on  correcting and balancing an equation until both sides are equal.  I will definitely be telling my students this in the fall, insha’Allah.

2)  With great struggle comes great reward–obviously something we could have all figured out, but it was worded very nicely.  It has a ring to it, y’know?  One we can all relate to or maybe have heard something similar before in different words (ie–Uncle Ben Parker from Spiderman, “With great power comes great responsibility”)

3)  Knowledge is worth the struggle and time– another something I want to tell my students in the fall when they’re feeling frustrated and unmotivated.  The confines of what we can and cannot learn, when we can or cannot learn, or who can or cannot learn are built by people and are completely unnecessary.

4)  We are all slaves of Allah–there is no “nice” way to say it.  We are literally His property and nothing else.

5)  Rizq is often mentioned in the Qur’an with rain (weather).  This is a comparison because no one can ever control the rain (weather) and similarly no one can ever control their rizq.  It’s all about tawakkul in that case.

6)  Abu Bakr (AS) was not in town at the time of the Prophet sallalahu alayhi wasalaam’s death, and so when he came back to find his Rasul and best friend dead, and his daughter a widow, he went to their house.  When he saw the Prophet’s body covered with a white cloth, he lifted it off his face, kissed his forehead and said that he was beautiful in life and beautiful in death.  This story made me cry.

7)  The prescription of what should be done when you’re upset fall into line with doing salaah.  For example, when you’re upset, make wudu–which is done before prayer.  If that doesn’t work say the isti’aadah–which is done after the opening supplication of prayer.  If that doesn’t work, sit down–which is done during prayer.  Long story short–if you’re mad… go pray!

And that’s just from today!  Expect more later, insha’Allah… or take the class coming soon to a town near you!

http://www.bayyinah.com/

I know this is a common feeling people have because I’ve actually heard people complain about that exact circumstance before.  I’ve even heard people say that it makes them feel unimportant, kind of loserish, and even slightly rejected.

Is that the way a host or hostess should feel?  Someone who is so kind as to invite you over to his or her house?  Apparently not, according to our beloved Rasulullah sallalahu alayhi wasalaam

Abu Hurayrah (radhiyallaahu ‘anhu) narrated that the Messenger of Allaah (sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) said, “The rights of the Muslim upon the Muslim are six.” It was said, “And what are they Oh Messenger of Allaah?” He replied, “When you meet him, give him the greeting of peace, when he invites you, respond to his invitation, when he seeks your advice, advise him, when he sneezes and praises Allaah, supplicate for mercy upon him, when he becomes ills, visit him, and when he dies follow him (i.e. his funeral).”  [Sahih Muslim]

Imagine that, as a host it is your right as a Muslim that when you give an invitation, your guests respond.  It is your right that if they don’t have a valid excuse, they must attend your invitation.  It is your right that if your guests tell you they are coming, that they come on time. (more…)