A high Klout score works wonders in attracting dem bitches. This post will teach you how to make your friends burn with jealousy at your massive Klout score. Actually, it will do none of those things and will very soon turn into a pretentious discussion, but let’s keep up appearances. For now.

One of dem bitches. Muy caliente!

Once you login using your Twitter or Facebook account on the Klout website, it stalks your profile 24/7, silently judging every word that you say, every conversation you have, every social faux pas that you commit (like that one time when I posted a link to goatse on your mom’s Facebook wall and she liked it – that was hilarious). Klout then uses magic and ground puppy dog tails to calculate how big your online penis is, down to two decimal places.

Ever watchful and judgemental that Klout is, it can also tell you what topics you are ‘influential’ in. For me this happens to be (in order):

• comedy (stolen jokes ftw!)
• college
• Sim (huh?)
• Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2 (last played / talked about two years ago)
• Jordan (country, not MILF)
• music
• movies
• celebrities
• Electronic Arts
• Lancaster (my only relation to Lancaster is Aditya; I’ve neither been to the place nor really met the guy)
• Groningen (never visited; only relation is I know of is Amy, who went on an exchange programme there)
• servers
• books
• Dropbox
• Guildford (fair enough)
• Skype (follow me on Twitter to find out HOW TO MAKE INTERNATIONAL CALLS FOR FREE* *using Skype)
• Morocco
• food
• video
• North Korea (I less-than-three Klout for this last entry!!!)

(Note that I have cleverly introduced links to tag pages on my own blog to keep you trapped on this site longer. Fall for that trick, please.)

Finally (not really, because Klout has more cavities that you can fall into), Klout gives you a ‘personality’ type based on your social network content and interactions. The scientific accuracy of this is as good and worthwhile as a Myers-Briggs personality type – which is to say, not scientific at all.

What do you mean I "may not be a celebrity"?!

You can user your clout on Klout (henceforth shortened to ‘Klout’ for simplicity) to access perks from companies – freebies, early access to websites, party invites, et al.

See, when you’re following a celebrity on Twitter or Facebook, you don’t want to hear them peddling affiliate links to buy goji berry drinks on Amazon. There is a certain expectation on part of fans that the interactions with a celebrity on these social media sites would be ‘more authentic’ – not having to listen to their favourite idols talk about products for commercial reasons. This is partly why Twitter hasn’t been able to make any significant amount of money. Yet there are companies too scared to lose the plot in the New World Order and not advertise on social networks and an equal number of ‘social media advertising agencies’ itching to relieve aforementioned companies of their heavy wallets. How do you find influential but non-celebrity users whose egos can be stroked to create an environment where online advertising spends increase?

Therein lies the whole reason why it exists: Klout is a ___________. If you guessed the blank as ‘circlejerk’ then congratulations, that’s the right answer. While I’m sure the statisticians who work at Klout are smart and genuinely nice people, the way Klout is marketed as ‘the standard of influence online’ is because it allows marketing agencies to claim they are engaging with ‘highly influential users’ while it keeps the cheque-signers at companies happy, too, that they are reaching out to ‘highly influential users’.

Take for instance another company tackling the same problem – PeerIndex. Who the fuck talks or knows about PeerIndex? Nobody, exactly. PeerIndex is the conscientious nerd who sticks to the maths of the matter and doesn’t do Klout’s fudging of accounts to make you better than you really are. My PeerIndex score is 30 / 100 and it tells me I’m not influential on any topics – which I think is an assessment far closer to truth that Klout’s. Who wants to hear that? Nobody, exactly. (The days when, if ever, I log in to my PeerIndex account are the days I cry myself to sleep.) Nobody – not the marketing companies, not the companies with the money, and more importantly not the users – wants to hear that they are shit and actually influence no one.

And thus Klout exists – because it has gotten ego-stroking down to a science, despite how noble its intentions are. People want to hear what unique and influential snowflakes they are, which come to think of it, isn’t that far from what a Myers-Briggs test is. (Myers-Briggs, at best, is a test that tells you who you think you are rather than who you actually are.) It is a mirror in which people see the image of themselves they want to see. So while Klout’s estimations may be wildly inaccurate (e.g., I don’t think I influence anywhere near 2000 people as part of my extended network), it’s ‘fun’ because even when it’s wildly inaccurate it gives a rough idea of how ‘popular’ you are according to high school playground metrics. Top it off with up-to-two-decimal-point scores on how well your friendships are to lend a veneer of scientific respectability, there’s no wonder that even the people who hate Klout cannot stop talking about it.

For marketers trying to find a more ‘genuine’ way to market to an audience via proxies of trendsetters on social networks, most mechanisms of determining who really influences whom miss out on a very important point: the most influential people in my social circle may not even be interacting with me in publicly measurable ways! What they are getting through these ‘standards of influence’, essentially, are the people with the loudest megaphones – but not necessarily the people with the most intent listeners near their soapbox.

Klout and the people who take it seriously are fascinating much in the way Ignatius J. Reilly in John Kennedy Toole’s A Confederacy of Dunces is a fascinating train-wreck.

***

Okay, enough Klout bashing. Muah, I love you Kloutployees (if there are any in the audience).

“What is the point of Twitter?” is a question I get asked often from friends who don’t use it. (I’m focussing on the former since that’s what Klout primarily bases its calculations on.) Having said I everything I have said, Twitter (and to an extent, Facebook) remains an excellent way of discovering new things and maybe getting a few laughs. That’s the ‘consumption’ aspect of Twitter. There are many people who happily spend time just reading tweets from celebrities / friends / people who share the same interests. There isn’t any ‘right’ way of using Twitter for reading…except perhaps remembering that Twitter is not email.

In the context of Klout though the more relevant question – which I also get asked often too – is “What do I share on Twitter that would interest people?” (how ‘viral’ your tweets are have a direct relation to how healthy your Klout is). In a way metrics like Klout do encourage you keep posting content if you find enough people are reading it. (Most of what I say here is true for blogs too. Remember Technorati?)

Far too many people I know take the approach of tweeting or blogging about things that are already popular or can be obtained from elsewhere. Nobody gives a shit if you only link to breaking news stories or put up thought-provoking quotes. If I want news links, I go to Google News. If I want poignant quotes, I’ll buy a book on Tao. What really makes you stand out is to have unique content – perhaps your take on daily life seen in a way that other people don’t see, or when sharing links, sharing things that within your online circle that people are unlikely to find elsewhere / still find interesting (if all your friends on Twitter are medical students, they won’t care about how Facebook solved an engineering challenge, etc).

Another thing that helps is following and interacting with people whom you find interesting. People aren’t magically going to discover you no matter how compelling your Twitter feed is unless they know you exist – and the best way to make them aware of how you exist is to talk (in Twitter terms, @reply) to them.

Of course, it helps if you aren’t a Klouchebag. My pet peeve in this regard is people who take Twitter’s 140 character restriction to throw grammar out of the window. Or #OveruseHashtags. Don’t feel pressured to use #tags. You’ll get the hang of them eventually when you use Twitter long enough.

When influential bloggers like Marco Arment writes about thermostats or Rachel talks about detour signs, they still remain influential because they are writing content nobody else is. Create awesome, unique content, and people will read it.

Here are some of my thoughts.

A lot of the online commentary I hear is that “the Indian government is practising censorship!” or “With problems like poverty and corruption, the Indian government thinks preventing movie downloads is more important!”

The Indian government has nothing to do with it. India, like many democracies, has separation of powers between the legislature and the judiciary. As this was a court order issued under existing laws of India, where exactly does the question of “the government” censoring the Internet come in?

The court order was requested by a private company representing the interests of film studios and issued by the Chennai High Court. So, if at all anyone is to be angry, they would be angry at these three parties: Copyright Labs, Chennai High Court, film studios who have contracts with Copyright Labs. In the list of websites DDoS’d so far by Anonymous: Congress Party, BJP, Supreme Court of India, Ministry of Information & Technology, Department of Telecommunications. Notice how none of these people were actually involved with the blocking order? “To be fair” – and I use this term loosely – Anonymous also took down Reliance Big Entertainment (one of the film studios who have previously engaged in taking down sites) and Copyright Labs’ website, the latter being not particularly impressive since it’s a shared hosting account on Bluehost. Anonymous India’s (whoever they are) takedowns don’t sound that impressive either when by their own admission they are able to effectively DDoS site for only five minutes.

I don’t believe in the way Anonymous’s hive mind goes about picking it targets. That said, a lot of its targets in the past – while targetted through technically illegal methods – could still be said to be somewhat “morally pardonable”. Perhaps Sony deserved it for adopting poor security practices…but none of the users of the PlayStation Network deserved to have their personal financial details released. Anyway, more often than not, Anonymous have indulged in what can objectively be called vandalism with quite a sense of self-entitlement.

Don’t forget that India’s a country where copyright violation and piracy is de facto. Anonymous’s hive mind seems to lashing out with the same twisted logic and sense of self-entitlement that it typically does. More tellingly, a lot of the outrage that I see online is of people being unable to access pirated content in the guise of “Internet censorship” than anything else. You know what’s going to happen once the dust settles? These actions are going to fast-track even more restrictive IT laws that have allowed such a court order to be issued in the first place.

What would help is to resort to measures within the existing judicial system to see how such a far-reaching court order was issued in the first place (my understanding of the Indian IT Act is it does indeed allows this), and lobby for free-er Internet laws.

Yeah. Like that’s going to happen now after giving the government a reason to enact even tougher laws.

The tiger somehow escaped, and there was Pierce Brosnan in his James Bond character also standing nearby so the two bears set upon him instead. Brosnan / Bond started dancing, and the bears started dancing along with him. Like on two feet. That kept Brosnan/Bond safe for a while.

Then, he noticed me hiding in the garbage. So he decided I think the best idea would be somehow get the bears to eat me instead of him. So he took out a tranquilliser gun and shot a tranquillizer dart at me. Missed. I started running again, Brosnan/Bond started running after – while dancing, to keep the bears distracted – and the bears followed while dancing. I kept swerving and dodging while running but Brosnan/Bond kept shooting tranquilliser darts at me laughing a maniacal laugh that he’s had “enough shooting practice in the movies”.

I ran into a mall to lose them. It was full of Chinese people, for some reason. I knew I was conspicuous in that crowd so to push through the crowd and reach the elevator, I was crawling on the floor between their legs, shouting the only bit of Chinese that came to my mind at that time: “Taigo lo!” (which I think means “It is too expensive!”)

I pushed my way through the crowd to the front where the elevators were. They were made of a glass cylinder reinforced on four sides with a golden-coloured steel bars. The elevator was free hanging in the air, like, not in an elevator shaft, it was just hanging in the air. And then, it fell and smashed right in front of my eyes. Then my dad walked out of the crowd from nowhere and asked me what was the password to login to Tata Sky’s website so that he could renew the annual subscription pack. (I told him it was “tatasky”.)

Then, in my dream, I cut away to a different scene. I am watching a documentary about how (my dream world’s) economy works. The financial power of countries in my dream world, and I quote the exact words here, is “measured by the magnitude of a normal vector drawn on the political map of a country”. And then the documentary shows this animated map with a single, normal vector sticking out of each country, each with a varying magnitude.

“The magnitude of the normal vector is determined by how much cumulatively a country’s population score in the popular game of Minesweeper.”

Not on a computer of course. Instead of laser quest and paintball venues like these days, in the dream world, there are Minesweeper parlours where friends go to have fun and play Minesweeper on actual tiles by stepping on them. Fake tiles of course with computer-generated displays, no real mines. And yet, even though people pretend they are having fun, it’s a dystopian society where they know that what their game scores affects their economic rating and thus their economy. Of course, people in wealthier countries can play Minesweeper more so they get higher ratings. This whole Minesweeper parlour franchise as well as the rating system is owned by one private corporation.

This is where my dream sequence ends.

That is, until I read an excellent essay The Heart of Haiku  by Jane Hirshfield (exclusive to Amazon Kindle readers as a Kindle Single) which explains the essence of haiku through the life and work of Matsuo Bashō. I highly recommend this as a read if you like haiku / poetry, or even if you don’t because Hirshfield does such a good job of demonstrating how haiku is tied to higher concepts of Zen Buddhism and how the beauty of much of haiku gets lost in translation.

There’s one Bashō haiku that particularly stood out for me in its ingenuity.

looking exactly like
blue flag iris: blue flag iris
inside the water’s shadow

kakitsubata nitari ya nitari mizu no kage

I’ll let Hirshfield explain how ingenious this poem is in her own words:

The main point in the original Japanese is the poem’s mirroring construction: the two identical words at the haiku’s center replicate both visually and in sound what is being described. In Japanese, which is written vertically the visual onomotopoeia [sic] is even more clear; a small “cutting-word”, ya, creates the slim line of water dividing the flower stem’s two apparently equal stems.

That’s just brilliant, innit?! I desperately want to look at the original Japanese version now to see how magical this looks. (I’ve tried searching online for this, without success. I’d appreciate it if someone can post a link in the comments section if you do find it.)

I have an incredibly love-hate relationship with poetry in general. When it’s done right and is clever – like the example above – I can appreciate it and enjoy it. I also think that a poem should, in its own way, tell a story; perhaps that’s why The Rime of the Ancient Mariner by Samuel Taylor Coleridge is by far my most favourite poem. (The other reason being this poem is a major plot point in Douglas Adams’ Dirk Gently’s Holistic Detective Agency.)

What really turns me off from poetry sometimes is the sense of entitlement that poets and poetry lovers have, as if prose is somehow ‘easier’ to write or ‘worse’ at expressing thoughts and feelings. Good longform prose is hard to write and edit, just as clever poetry isn’t easy to write. Well-written poetry can be used to communicate complex feelings of a poet, but sometimes, poetry is merely used as a shortcut to writing less and yet still pretending that makes it better than prose that runs into a similar number of lines.

Think about it. Petroleum fuel-powered engines are the only viable means of powering flight at the moment. Point is, at the moment research and production of alternative means of powering transportation is simply not economically lucrative. Maybe it would need crunch-time pressure as we near the end of oil reserves to make companies sit up and work their research departments towards this. At the moment, battery technology isn’t anywhere close. The only alternative, long-term resource we have is nuclear power, and even those engines are primarily steam engines – good for slow-release engines on ships but not for the intensive take-off / landing cycles of airplanes. Nuclear technology is so strictly controlled and has so much potential for mishaps that I cannot imagine it being used in the commercial sector anyway.

So maybe humankind will figure something out in the next few decades. But what if. What if it isn’t realistically possible to make an engine that can give the performance of an internal combustion engine or jet engines? How different the world would rapidly change, back to the days when seafaring nations controlled the balance of power! Back to the days when journeys took weeks and months! Back to the days when it won’t be possible to buy 10 pence bananas flown in from Africa in a supermarket in England, or buy cheap electronic gadgets on eBay from Hong Kong! I don’t reckon producing electricity will be a problem; even if we have to gag and lock up protesting hippies, hydroelectric power could potentially fill in a major part of the shortfall. But perhaps within the next five decades, we may never ever again be able to fly to any part of the globe in less than a day.

And most of all, peo­ple might start ques­tion­ing more seri­ously which col­lege they want to be at. The IITs seem to be becom­ing more gen­eral too. I’ve heard of some intro­duc­tion of some biol­ogy degrees at some IITs. I think a col­lege ought to be gen­eral. And very loose about what they want the stu­dents to do. And there should exist no 300 stu­dent classes at any point of time, because they serve almost no pur­pose at all.

This will be of interest to my Indian readers in high school / university. I really liked Vishesh’s blog post “Goodbye JEE“. For a long time, I have rationalised, argued, and ranted with spittle flecks leaping out of my mouth about what’s wrong with the Indian higher education system. I’m glad there are still people fighting in that corner. On that note, also read Espera’s “Stupid TAs Annoy Me“. Me, I am done with trying to convince people, partly because I realised that a large part of understanding what’s wrong comes only through self-realisation. Epiphanies that you have through self-realisation have a far more powerful effect. I’d rather just smoke and pass the joint saying “It’s cool, bro”; I don’t feel the urge to make people drink my Kool Aid any more.

***

Even when I was in Singapore, I felt an overwhelming bad influence of all that I feel is bad about the education system is in India. Don’t get me wrong, Singapore is doing so many things right – yet it’s getting so many things wrong too. I had this really awesome Canadian expat lecturer in software engineering who’s one of the few fighting to make learning more worthwhile and meaningful. You know what happened to him? He got brutally hacked in the student feedback. A different professor (also in Singapore) also once confided to me that a lot of them don’t want to challenge their students too hard in classes because their pay bonuses are linked to student feedback. Theoretically that’s a nice idea but what happens is that any professor or lecturer who really wants to push boundaries and challenge the class to do more get poor feedback from students across Asia (India, China, Vietnam…) who have been really used to one way of thinking / learning. The few professors who care and the new president of the university though really need to be commended for trying to shake up the system.

Songs I’ve been listening to on repeat in the past few months (in no particular order)…

1. Icarus by Bastille: From their Flaws single-album release, Icarus is an upbeat, peppy song that contrasts with what the lyrics are about which gives it this weird quality. Sadly their Laura Palmer EP isn’t as good.
   
2. Where Is My Mind by Yoav ft Emily Browning: From the movie OST for Sucker Punch.
   
3. Pete Yorn & Scarlett Johansson: Did you know Scarlett Johansson sings??? In a collaboration album titled Break Up with Pete Yorn, Scarlet Johansson provides backing vocals is pretty good at it. A live performance of Blackie’s Dead seems to show Johansson so uncomfortable with the whole gig business. :D Look at her hands and the way she acts on stage – “I have arms??? And legs??? Well…what am I supposed to do with them???”
   
4. 19-2000 (Soulchild remix) by Gorillaz: Tenth year anniversary of the Gorillaz! If you aren’t a fan of this band yet, this remix should get you hooked! (My other recommendation is Clint Eastwood.)
   
5. deadmau5: The Mickey Mouse hat wearing DJ has been around for a while, 2011 has been a breakout year him. Love the album 4×4=12. Check out Bad Selection. Bonus – this promo gig deadmau5 did for Nokia Lumia’s launch.
   
6. Shuffle by Bombay Bicycle Club: I love the human bicycle they form in this music video!
   
7. Heart Skips A Beat by Olly Murs ft Rizzle Kicks: I am slightly ashamed to admit liking this one. :|
   
8. Mutemath: Normally I prefer studio albums to live recordings. I make an exception for Typical…
   
9. …and Linkin Park‘s performance of New Divide at Moscow’s Red Square. You seriously have NO IDEA how many times I have replayed this video! In fact, the whole Red Square LP gig was EPIC! Watch every single video of it – fancam or ripped from TV telecast – that you can find on YouTube.
   
10. What The Water Gave Me by Florence + The Machine: Florence Welch has such an ethereal voice and her band has been among my favourites for a while now.
    
11. Real Steel soundtrack: Three songs from the film Real Steel have been stuck with me: Make Some Noise (Put ‘Em Up) by The Crystal Method ft Yelawolf; Here’s A Little Something For Ya by Beastie Boys; Give It A Go by Timbaland ft Veronica. PS – I fucking loved the film! PPS – Also check out Yelawolf.
12. Ingrid Michaelson: Listen to her album Be OK. Also, eponymous song.
    
13. AWOLNATION: I have a feeling AWOLNATION is going to blow big within the next couple of years. Very hit-or-miss at the moment. For some reason their single Sail is particularly popular even though I don’t find it appealing; the same goes for their 2011 album Megalithic Symphonies. What I do less-than-three is this one single MF. Fucken. Love. It. This is one song I pump up to full volume, hearing damage be damned!
    
14. Bill Withers: Bill Withers Live at Carnegie Hall is the kind of album gapless MP3 playback was invented for. If I had to take a pick, I’d chose Grandma’s Hands or I Can’t Write Left-Handed. A classic. Fine, it was recorded in 1973, “jazz is not cool”, the guy gives a political lecture at the start of the song…just give it a go, please?
    
15. Entire Sinners Never Sleep album by You Me At Six.
16. The Vaccines: Their first album titled What Did You Expect From The Vaccines? released in 2011. It’s kinda astonishing how quickly they shot to popularity in such a short span of time. Check out Wetsuit and Post Break-Up Sex. (Bonus – At one point in the Wetsuit music video below, you can see “Maurice” / Richard Ayoyade from The IT Crowd crowd-surfing at a concert!)
    
17. Can’t Find My Way Home by Blind Faith: I first heard a 2010 remaster of this song on the TV show Fresh Meat. Sadly, Blind Faith’s other songs are not worth listening as it was a Jesus-music band. (Psst – Eric Clapton was in it.) Disturbing album art cover, too.
    
18. Second To None by Styles of Beyond ft Mike Shinoda: Pump your volume waaaaay up!
    
19. Safari Disco Club by Yelle: Overcomes my hate of French-speaking people. You’ll notice the final scene is a clever way of showing where the album cover comes from.
    
20. The xx: Another hot new indie band. This may be a clichéd choice but if I had to choose one I’d go for Crystalised. Whole album, yada yada.
    
21. The Dharohar Project: A collaboration between Laura Marling, Mumford & Sons, and traditional Rajasthani musicians. The first two themselves are themselves on my favourites list, but with this fusion music album – even though just a couple a songs – is heavenly! Try out Mehendi Rachi.
    
22. Way Away by Yellowcard
    
23. Autotunage by Limp Bizkit: Yeah, yeah, I know everyone knows Limp Bizkit. Just shut the fuck up and go listen to their 2011 album Gold Cobra if you haven’t already. The standout song is Autotunage, which you cannot fully appreciate without listening to the prologue in the preceding song Loser. Other favourites from the album: Douche Bag, Gold Cobra…
    
24. This Is The Life by Two Door Cinema Club: Album Tourist History is somewhat hit/miss.
    
25. Little Bad Girl by David Guetta ft Taio Cruz & Ludacris: True story – I used to think the ‘little bad girl‘ referred to in the song is Taio Cruz. :s
    
26. Charlene Soraia‘s cover of Wherever You Will Go by The Calling.
    
27. LA Mer by Nine Inch Nails: Hey, Linkin Park and Nine Inch Nails – two artists you can always expect to find on my repeat lists. :D
    

Heard anything particularly interesting recently? Hit me up in the comments section.

I’m an Indian passport holder resident in the UK, so it is possible what I write below is specific to how the embassy here handles procedures or even my specific case. Don’t consider this binding legal advice. Do your own due diligence before applying for a visa; rules change all the time and by the time you come across this, the information below may be out of date.

Does Morocco offer visa-free entry / visa-on-arrival?

A select list of nationalities do not require to get a visa in advance. Morocco does not offer visa-on-arrival for any nationality, that I know of.

What are the requirements for a Morocco visa, according to online sources?

The Embassy of Morocco in UK lists the following requirements for filing for a tourist visa:

• Application form in three pages (downloading)
• Your original valid passport + copy of the first page with photo+ Copy of your legal status in the UK
• 02 recent passport size colour photos.
• Original passport along with copies of the main pages of details and the page of the right of abode in the UK
• Copy of your detailed provisional flight itinerary.
• Employment certificate from your employer in the UK.
• For students, copy of a recent letter confirming that the applicant is attending the school.
• For business owners, copy of the last Income Tax as substitute of the employment letter,
• A recommendation letter from your business partner in Morocco for business visa.
• Hotel provisional reservation or notarized Letter of Invitation from your sponsor in Morocco.
• For applicants married to Moroccan citizens, a copy of the marriage certificate plus a copy of the Moroccan passport or national ID of the Moroccan spouse can be a substitute for the invitation letter or for the hotel reservation.
• Proof of travel insurance covering at least the period of trip to Morocco.
• last three months pay slips or salary attestation (ORIGINALS AND COPIES )
• last three months bank statements (ORIGINALS AND COPIES )
• Copies of marriage certficate and spouse s pasport .

VisaGuru mentions a slightly different set of requirements:

• Passport (Valid 6 Months on entry)
• UK residency (Must have been resident in UK for the minimum of 1 year)
• 3 application forms
• 4 passport photos
• Original employer or school/college letter
• Copy or Original airline tickets
• Copy or Original hotel confirmation (Hotel confirmation must show paid in full.)
• Copy or Original itinerary
• Copy or Original Travel Insurance
• Copy of the information pages of passport incl. UK residency.
• Application Fee

What is your personal experience applying for a tourist visa for Morocco?

What bothered me most was conflicting advice on what supporting evidence was needed for accommodation. Visa HQ said a confirmation was required directly from the hotel, which brings up the question – am I allowed to book via third-party travel booking sites? Does it have to be a ‘hotel’ or will a hostel suffice? VisaGuru (see above) also said it should show hotel booking paid for in full. On the other hand, the Moroccan embassy website mentioned ‘provisional’ confirmation without any clarification on what this ‘provisional’ meant!

Contacting the Moroccan embassy in UK was no help as I tried calling them up over a period of a week and yet never once did they answer my call. I ultimately applied for my visa through a visa processing company called CIBT (which has offices in many countries around the world) since they seemed trustworthy. There wasn’t a lot of information forthcoming from ‘official’ sources so I only provided the following documentation, as advised by CIBT:

• Proof of UK residency: My UK visa.
• Proof of employment: I am currently on an internship with a UK-based company, but I’m also a registered full-time university student as this internship is part of my degree. I could have asked at either place for this proof (students can substitute ‘proof of employment’ with proof of academic status); I went with my workplace since that would be faster to procure. This is simply a letter on company letterhead according to a template you can download off CIBT’s site.
• Proof of financial means: Past two bank statements. I had to request paper copies from NatWest specifically since I’ve turned off paper statements. Leave time to obtain this as postal mail can take 4-5 days to deliver.
• Proof of travel arrangements: Copy of my flight ticket and hostel booking. CIBT advised that booking through a third-party site rather than directly with a hotel was fine, staying at a hostel was fine, and a booking which only showed a downpayment was also fine.
• Proof of travel insurance: I went for the cheapest travel insurance policy I could find online with the least amount of frills for cheap cost; I went for one from Columbus Direct.

I sent these documents with required photos, photocopies, visa form and passport by recorded mail to CIBT and they got in touch with me for updated bank statements printed off online banking, which I sent to them by email. My visa was processed in three weeks by Morocco embassy (perhaps due to high processing times was close to Christmas) and I got it back by recorded mail via CIBT, just three days before my flight. (I heard the same received-just-in-time story from a South African couple I met in Morocco.)

In all, not a particularly cheap visa to get factoring CIBT’s fees – almost half the prices of my return flights! Still, I’m glad I let them handle it as otherwise I would’ve had to take days off from work to submit / collect my application.

To any future traveller: bon voyage!

http://www.visaguru.co.uk/182/223/India/Morocco/visa-requirements.htm

Not a single story I have read on this topic so far has pointed out that this so-called ‘messenger app’ is a skinned version of Chromium browser that does nothing more than load the same chat window you would find on Facebook’s desktop site. This should be obvious from the installer (same as Chromium) and processes the application spawns (similar …Updater.exe etc processes). There’s crap, crap, and more crap like:

The application was developed entirely by Facebook and does not constitute a new partnership with Microsoft, which is a big investor in Facebook. It’s not clear if Facebook will offer support for anything before Windows 7, or if it will simply move on towards Windows 8. Clients for Mac and Linux will likely only be released if the Windows 7 version proves popular.

If Google Chrome can be installed on Windows XP, I’m willing to bet this messenger app can be too. Man does sloppy ‘reporting’ sicken me. New York Times can be annoying in their formal and pretentious tone of referring to people as ‘Mr Zuckerberg’ and the like, but at least they bother to research up their articles before publishing rather than any bullshit that comes into the writer’s head.

***

Oh I do love the Facebook Messenger mobile app, by the way. Such an incredibly easy way to send real-time text messages without even having a contact’s phone number. The beauty is doesn’t have the urgency of SMS / WhatsApp and allows you to reply at your own pace – immediately, if online or sent as push message to mobile; at leisure, if offline or it’s a long message.

That’s so odd, isn’t it? Functionally, they are apps which are accomplishing the same thing – delivering messages in real-time – yet they have their own ‘pace’. With a smartphone, you could technically have a back-and-forth conversation using email too (if you use Gmail, it will keep the conversation threaded) but nobody in their right mind would ever use email for a chat conversation. Think about when you chat on Gmail – it actually is saved as an email conversation. There’s an implied sense of urgency when you talk to someone using an instant messenger. In this particular case, I think this happens because neither email nor Facebook Messenger give any indication of whether a message was successfully delivered to a recipient and whether it was read. WhatsApp (similarly, BlackBerry Messenger) show delivery reports as well as time of last login, thus creating implications of messages being ‘ignored’ if they are not replied to within a timeframe considered ‘reasonable’.

I wonder whether any human-computer interaction or psychological research has been done into such phenomenon, of usage patterns for means of communication depending on how they are marketed.

Christmas Eve was a lonely one for me. My housemates had all gone back home earlier in the week to be with their families. Most friends I know from university were doing the same. Yet, here I was, still having to clock in at work through a week when others I knew didn’t have to. I somehow braved through that feeling of isolation on Friday by going out for Japanese food and cinema – alone, but still kept me occupied. By Saturday, my isolation felt complete. All I had to look forward to was eating a microwave dinner, alone, at home. Fine, I usually eat microwave dinners anyway simply because of their convenience after coming back from work but doing the same on Christmas hurt. I had a meltdown. Or at least I was on the verge of tears. I don’t remember, it’s all a daze. Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck. All I wanted was to be with people I know and care for. I wanted Maggi noodles. Made by mom.

How did I end up in this situation? I keep coming back to this theme time and again – always wondering how different things would be only if I made different choices. Ah…do you see what’s happening here folks? It’s time for the annual “tiny tendrils of guilt” post already! Yayface! Last year, I spent that wondering how different things would be if I hadn’t chosen to go to Singapore. Whether I should have valued some friendships and relationships more than I did. And yet…and yet…if I hadn’t made the choices I did then I wouldn’t have gained from my time in Singapore! Doors close. Doors open. Doors stay slightly-ajar.

DO YOU HAVE ANY FUCKING IDEA HOW MUCH PAIN THIS CONFLICT CAUSES??? FUCK!!!! DON’T YOU FUCKING DARE SAY THE WORDS ‘DESTINY’ OR ‘FATE’ TO ME!!!

In that daze on Christmas Eve, I looked up flights back to Delhi on Kayak. £600. I’m not hurting for cash this year thanks to my internship and as I fell asleep cold, crying, and hungry (I refused to eat a microwave meal – for the first time – on principle), I vowed to give a serious thought to booking to changing the destination I was flying out to in the morning. You don’t always need a fat Caucasian breaking-and-entering to make a wish come true, I told myself. Sometimes, a NatWest Visa card is enough.

And I did. Surprisingly, for some reason, return flights to Delhi leaving on 26th December were cheaper than if I had bought them weeks in advance! I could even use frequent flier points to push down the price even further. I actually started making a booking right down to the payment page. Here I was, about to make a clear choice for one instead of the other. A choice to meet with friends and family I haven’t seen for months, years, eons.

I stopped. I’d spent about £250 on my flights and visa for Morocco already. More than that, I went through much hassle to get my visa. Indian passport holders have to go through a lot of shit to get visas issued; I think it’s because of bad karma since getting a visa for India is hard for foreign travellers, Sidin thinks it’s because “our soft power shit is not working“. Whatever. I had to provide a dozen documents to the visa, and even then the visa agency I used for convenience (CIBT, lovely people they are – no seriously, I recommend them!) considered mine would be a touch-and-go case.

I felt the Moroccan visa sticker with my fingertips. The grain of paper used for visa stickers differs so much – without being able to lift them off, you can almost gauge the weight of the paper used for each one. Smooth. Matte. Rough. Hologrammed. Watermarked. Signed-upon with a biro. Stamped with UV-reflective ink. Each country’s visa talks, in its own language.

On the other hand… Doors close. Doors open. Doors stay slightly-ajar.

Screw it, let’s do it!

Now if it weren’t for the rest of the blog post that follows – and yeah, the title, perhaps – you’d be left wondering. That line above could swing both ways.

***

It’s hard to describe that feeling I get when I land in a new country. It begins with a ritual – The Ritual of packing a backpack that metaphorically contains your whole life. The Ritual is invigorating because it gives you the potential for catharsis. You don’t need to return. You can walk away from it all if you are so inclined, now that you have all you need with you. In that moment you feel naive and empowered enough to flip life itself a middle finger. The Feeling builds when the insides of your stomach jolt from you journey beginning – the kick of a bus engine sparking to life, the recoil of a train starting to move, the landing gear of an airplane losing contact with the ground.  You reach your destination.

The Feeling hits you. It’s a pure endorphin rush of your body and mind agreeing this is the place and this is the moment that I want to be in right now. The closest thing I can relate that endorphin rush would be the rush you get after sex.

***

The Feeling wasn’t thing the only thing that hit me when I walked out at noon from Menara International Airport, Marrakech. Flying in from London Gatwick, walk out of the airport’s airconditioned environment felt like walking into a wall of heat. Marrakech is warm and toasty for this time of the year and I’m glad for it.

Marrakech stands at the crossroads of many cultures. It’s in Africa, and yet you won’t find black people. It’s not in the Middle East, and yet there are distinct touches of Arab culture in the city’s architecture and lifestyle. What may surprise you the most, however, is how strong an influence this country having been a French colony has. My goodness there are French cafes, French bakeries, French restaurants, French signs everywhere! For the next few days, calorie count = fucked is a safe prediction I’m making.

My dormmates in the hostel I’m staying in are German, Belgian, English, Spaniard, and Romanian – and yet they all speak French! To be honest, I’m kinda getting pissed off at being excluded from their conversations. I hate it when French-speaking people go all “Oui oui oui!“ Tres jolie my ass, start speaking in English already – it won the lingua franca war hands-down. Then again, the irony of lack of lingua franca isn’t lost on me.

One thing I learnt today: around these parts, people don’t take kindly to people who walk into a pitch-dark dorm room at 4am, accidentally walk to the wrong bed, and drop a netbook on their face.

I spent most of my day sleeping today. From the little time I had walking outside in the streets of Marrakech, there’s no point talking about it yet. Exciting few days up ahead. So until then, salaam walekum to everyone from Marrakech!

Voulez-vous coucher avec moi?