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The Best Advice For My Son

Annie Kochneva — Tue, 29 Sep 2015 22:44:00 +0000

Last year my son had a personal dictionary project which consisted of letter written to him from people who matter to him. It was a very profound realization that people who I don’t know well (some of his teachers) have such a deep connection with him and care so much about him. Some of the letters I read literally brought me to tears but also intimidated me, because I knew I had to write one too.

What was I going to talk about? What could I teach him? I was going back and forth and couldn’t decide until I finally realized I wanted to talk to him about failure. I wrote this letter to him but I am sure I am not the only mother who feels the same way. Share it with your son or daughter. If you have the time, I would love to read your comments too.

“Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear, not absence of fear.” - Mark Twain

"Dear son,

It was very difficult for me to choose what to write about in your personal dictionary letter. There are so many things that I would like to share with you that hopefully will help you in your journey of becoming an adult. I was jumping from idea to idea in the past couple of days and I could not decide. Everything sounded so superficial to me, so not “it”.

I looked back to my childhood, my teenage years and I was hoping to find something that I regretted not knowing at the time. I was looking for something that I wish someone took the time to teach me or show me, something that would have made a difference in my life. I asked myself the question, if there was one thing I want you to know, one thing that I want to teach you, what would that be? And I got it.

There is one thing I would like to talk to you about and that is fear, and especially the fear of failure.

The environment I was raised in thrived on fear. I spent most of my life being scared of anything and everything, sometimes with good reason, sometimes not.

I was scared to get hurt.

I was scared to be embarrassed.

I was scared to try new things.

But most of all, I was scared of failure.

In my family, failure was not an option. I grew up under the pressure of difficult economic circumstances and very high expectations. When you are as they call it “economically disadvantaged” the word “waste” does not exist in your vocabulary. The whole concept that you could be wasting anything- food, money, your time or any other resource you have available at your disposal, is simply incomprehensible. Therefore, organization, efficiency and common sense are vital for your survival in a world where the only person you can count on, is yourself.

My life was not easy, just as the life of my parents and their parents before them was not easy. Just like everyone else before me, I learned to survive, I learned to fight my fights, and later I learned to thrive. Contrary on what you would believe, fear got me there.

When I say fear, I don’t mean the “scared of the dark” type of fear. I mean the fear that grips you by the throat, freezes your limbs and you are afraid to breathe, move or make a decision, because you know in your gut that no matter you do, you are the only one responsible, you are the only one who will deal with the consequences and you have to survive. That is the same fear that makes you doubt yourself, thinking that you are not good enough, that you don’t deserve a chance or that you will never ever make it, because you…(fill in the blank)…I’ve heard you say that before and it breaks my heart. That is why I feel it’s my duty to tell you this:

Nothing, absolutely nothing in your “deal with life tool belt” is as important, as for you to learn to master your fear!

As Mark Twain said above, do not strive to eliminate fear out of your life. That is not only impossible but foolish to consider. Fear, as weird as it might sound to you, is very useful. Fear can be a great force to move you forward. However, if you let it be your master, you are risking wasting many great opportunities that could bring you closer to who you want to be.

When I was your age, I realized I would never be free of fear. I realized that no matter how hard I try, there would always be something I am scared of. That is when I made myself a promise to always do what scares me the most. It helped me stand up for myself many times when bowing my head would have been much easier. It helped me take every opportunity that came my way to move forward, to become something new, to experience something exciting and adventurous. It helped me become more open to new people, places and experiences. It helped me be more tolerant, compassionate, understanding and to cultivate my empathy for the world around me. It helped me trust myself more. Listening to my inner voice made me much stronger and resilient than I would have been if I didn’t try to overcome my fear. Fear gave me the courage to overcome it.

That is what I want you to learn. Do not be scared of your fear! Remember that you always have a choice: hiding behind fear your whole life or embrace and conquer it. The moment you accomplish this you will realize that there is nothing in this world you can’t do. It doesn’t matter what people tell you or what they think. What matters is that you know in your heart that no matter what, you will be OK.

When you are growing up, make mistakes, take chances, explore your limits and don’t be afraid to admit when you are wrong or you don’t know something. All of this is part of growing up and shaping you in the adult person you will become. Of course, part of growing up is realizing the difference between doing something reckless and something that will raise you up, and that is experience you have to (unfortunately) live through on your own. No matter how much I try to protect you and guide you, at the end of the day you make your own choices. With these choices come responsibilities and you have to learn to accept them. No matter what I tell you or ask you to do, I cannot live though your experience for you but if I have done my job right as a parent, I won’t need to.

There is no way to be universally liked, universally accepted and universally loved. There will always be people who will dislike you or what you do for one reason or another. Don’t become a slave to the opinion of others. Use your brain, good judgment and strong heart to make decisions that make you feel at peace with yourself but most of all…don’t be afraid to fail. If you never know failure, if you never experience loss, you will not live life to the fullest, and I don’t wish this to my worst enemy.

I don’t want to burden you with my wishes or expectations of who or what you should become. I don’t want the fear of disappointing me to impede your progress in becoming your own person. I am sure that when the time comes, you will not make the right decisions every time but I know in my heart you will damn well try to do so, and that is what matters.

Live! Dream! Work hard! Fail! Work even harder! Be YOU!

I love you,

Mom "

Gluten Free Coconut Chocolate Cake with Cream Cheese Ganache Filling and Coconut Whipped Cream

Annie Kochneva — Mon, 16 Feb 2015 18:06:00 +0000

I don't know how long it's been since I made cake, but this is an extremely quick and delicious recipe for a gluten-free cake that you shouldn't miss. In general I don't like coconut, but the smell of the coconut flour is out of this world. I hope you enjoy this recipe!

Ingredients:

For the cake
1/2 cup butter
4 oz semi-sweet chocolate
5 large eggs
1/2 cup sugar
1/3 cup sifted coconut flour
1/4 cup cocoa powder
1 tsp vanilla extract
3/4 tsp baking soda
1/8 tsp salt

( 1/2 cup chocolate chips)

For the filling:
1/2 packet cream cheese
1 cup Nutella

For the topping:
fresh fruit ( in this case strawberries)
1 can of coconut milk
1/2 cup powdered sugar

1. Chill the coconut milk in the can in the refrigerator overnight.
2. Preheat the oven to 350 F and melt the chocolate and butter together.
3. Sift the coconut flour, cocoa powder, baking soda and salt together.
4. In a mixer beat the eggs, the sugar and the vanilla.
5. Mix the dry and wet ingredients, then stir in the melted chocolate/butter mixture and fold in the chocolate chips , then pour into two 8 inch cake pans.
6. Bake on 350F for 30 min ( or until done).
7. Let the cake cool and prepare the filling and topping.

* When you leave the cake in the fridge, the cream cheese ganache will thicken. My kids couldn't wait, so we cut it right away and you can tell the ganache is soft in the picture. But if you can wait, let it stay an hour or so before you cut.

8. In a mixer bowl beat the cream cheese and Nutella. Spread it between the two layers.
9.Then open the coconut milk can and scoop only the creamy part. Save the water for something else. Beat the coconut milk until it resembles whipped cream.
10. Assemble the cake with the filling, spread the topping on top and add the fruit. You can use fruit glaze to preserve the fruit better.

Bon appetite!

Digitally Drawn Romantic Valenties Day Cards For the Love of Your Life

Annie Kochneva — Sun, 25 Jan 2015 08:12:00 +0000

I love my drawing tablet! Have I said that before?More than a couple of hundred times?That's what I thought. What can I say, I cannot get enough of it!
So, I have 9 Valentine's Day cards that I hope will make the list of things you want to give to your better half this year.
Which one is your favorite?

Buy this design here

Buy this design here

Buy this design now

Buy this design here

Buy this design here

Buy this design here

Buy this design here

Buy this design here

Buy this design here

Easy Homemade Sushi

Annie Kochneva — Sun, 18 Jan 2015 20:12:00 +0000

I have posted previously the basic recipe how to make maki sushi so I won't re-post again but feel free to check it out. In any case, I wanted to try some new variations and they came out pretty neat. For example, I always made rolls that were with sushi nori on the outside. This time, I tried making the sushi with rice on the outside, some with black sesame seeds, some with avocado on the outside, some with smoked salmon etc.
They came out much better than expected.

I have to say I need sharper knives though. I really had a tough time slicing the avocado properly for the lineup on on top.

On a different note,I did finally get a bamboo mat so making sushi this time was a bit different. In my honest opinion, I had tougher time making the rolls as tight as I used to make them without the mat. I am thinking I will probably watch some more videos on how to do it with the mat. A lot of sushi chefs praise the use of the mat for rolling and I have the suspicion that I might be doing it wrong, that is why I am having a harder time rolling them with it.

Talking about new ingredients, I never used cream cheese in sushi before. I simply got one package and cut 2 stripes out of it, it looked almost as imitation crab. In combination with the salmon, it was amazingly delicious! Of course, one other reason to use cream cheese was that my little one doesn't like fish and I needed to make something that she likes, so that pushed things in that direction as well.
In any case, sushi is much easier to make than most people thing and if you haven't tried it before, I highly recommend doing it. It's really interesting to test out all of the combinations one can make with 5-10 different ingredients.

For these sushi rolls I used :
- Smoked salmon
- Shrimp
- Crab rolls
- Cream cheese
- Cucumber
- Avocado
- Carrots
- White sesame seeds
- Black sesame seeds
- Sushi nori seaweed sheets
- Sushi rice
- Rice vinegar
- Sugar
- Salt

* I love sushi with raw fish, but I don't use raw fish at home because I don't trust the sources where I can buy it from. However, if you have a good supplier, by all means, include raw fish.

As garnish I used ready made pickled ginger, sweet soy sauce dipping sauce, spicy mayo, wasabi. Most of these you can find in any big grocery store in the Asian food section.
Considering I made the traditional for many Japanese restaurants ginger salad and miso soup, the experience was much like going out to our favorite sushi place.

Enjoy!

"The place I am from..."

Annie Kochneva — Mon, 26 May 2014 15:50:00 +0000

This is a poem that I wrote as a parent assignment for my son's school. They were talking about cultural heritage, and asked ( politely) the parents to participate by creating a poem about the place they are coming from. What do you think?

BULGARIA

Photo courtesy: Boby Dimitrov

“The place I am from…”

The place I am from, the roses are red with the blood of the warriors,

The ones who are proud, and strong, and victorious.

The warriors that can build a country with the top of their spear,

The ones who ride and then live, all without fear.

The ones who fight to the death when everything slips through their fingers

The 500 year yoke is still in the air and it lingers.

The place I am from has its own legends,

the ones that are scary, and true and courageous.

They talk about tribes, strong-willed and bloodthirsty rulers,

The kind who drinks from a skull encrusted with jewels.

The place that I come from, Bulgaria, is unyielding.

In that place the children grow up fast, their parents aren’t shielding

Them, from the past, and the present, and future

It’s part of the life, it’s part of the culture.

Bulgarians love strong, but their hate’s even stronger.

That’s what helped them their country to reconquer.

Our blood is hot, and there is sweat on our foreheads

Hard work and convictions, that’s what moved us ahead,

The place I am from, the country is strong, but the family stronger.

You figure out early, it’s what helps you survive a bit longer.

The place I am from, we fought time, fears and enemies,

From one, to the next, through dozens of centuries.

The place where I am from, the songs are sad, and are calling me.

Even the earth there smells so differently.

In that land, the “babas” are wiping their tears only in private,

That is what taught them standing up to the tyrants.

In the place where I am from, the mountains are haunting,

The water is cool, the language is bonding.

The place I am from, we know what it means to be free

Through all of the years- one thousand three hundred and thirty three,

We lived with the words “be dead or be free”.

And I am from there, and my children are too.

From a world that is as different, as it is true.

For we all carry the song of the warriors in our veins,

We all hear the call, when it’s quiet and rains,

As you can be as far from Bulgaria as you may,

But she is always in you, and is there to stay.