Another Mommy Moment

My New Home

2008-07-07T19:27:00.000-07:00

Please visit me here instead ...

How Do You Handle Lying?

2008-06-26T09:07:00.000-07:00

This morning I caught my daughter in a lie. It's wasn't a huge deal but I was unsure how to deal with it.

She was eating an english muffin and kept complaining that she didn't want to finish it. This was actually her second meal. The first one she rejected because there "were black things in it." When I looked, I found nothing.

Anyway, when she asked me for a drink I told her she had to finish at least one half of the muffin. She does that all the time. She fills up on milk, or juice, or water but not her food. I walked out of the room and sat down on the couch. A minute later she came over and said she had finished her english muffin. She showed me her plate and I said "good job."

When I went to throw the crumbs in the garbage, I found the half of the muffin she was supposed to have eaten. Immediately, she started to cry and ran into room. I told her, very calmy, to come talk to me. I told her I was disappointed that she lied to me. She kept coming up with excuses like, "I was confused about how to tell the truth." She's started doing this lately. When she gets in trouble, she'll make up an excuse like, "Well, I meant to say yes I'll put my toys away, not no."

I'm not sure how to react to it all. I try not to yell, really I do, but it doesn't always work. Is it really that big of a deal? Kids do stuff like that, right? She's only 5 years old.

How do you handle situations like this?

It's Been A Long Time

2008-06-25T11:00:00.000-07:00

I was doing so good keeping up with the blog, but now I'm on a downward spiral. The month of June has been a hectic one to say the least. I've been in the emergency room twice and have had to deal with the in-laws for the last three weeks. My stress level is through the roof. Thank goodness that the month is ending and I can finally get back into a routine. I wish I had time to complain about it all. Maybe one day soon.

I hope your summer is going well!!

Hello Summer!

2008-06-13T04:38:00.000-07:00

School is officially out!!

The In-laws are Coming!

2008-06-02T19:32:00.000-07:00

The day has finally arrived. My in-laws come home from Sicily tomorrow and they'll be staying put for the next 3 weeks.

I'm nervously anticipating their homecoming. What's it going to be like? Are they going to complain about everything? How the heck are we all going to share a bathroom? Are the girls going to wake them up in the morning? Is she going to mess with my laundry? Am I ever going to be allowed to cook? Oy!

If I don't post for the next few days you'll know why. Wish me luck!!

Hello Monday

2008-06-02T04:20:00.000-07:00

So nice to see you. Do me a favor though ~ next time, please don't wake me up until AFTER 5:30 mkay?

Here are a few of my best shots from this weekend that make me smile.

Me and My Girl

2008-05-29T19:48:00.000-07:00

What a beautiful day we had, me and you. I'm so glad we got to sit in the grass and read stories together. I'm even more glad I brought my camera. I love this picture of us ~ you in my lap all snuggled and warm, the sun shining at our backs. Right now, in this moment, I'm as happy as I've ever been!

Moving Violation

2008-05-27T11:57:00.000-07:00

You might have guessed by looking at the pictures below that we had a fabulous sun drenched Memorial Day weekend. Well, you'd only be half right.

Most of the weekend was good ~ for everyone except me. I worked both Saturday and Sunday and I was looking forward to a nice relaxing day yesterday. That's not at all what I got. It started out incredible. The weather was gorgeous! While the baby napped in the moring, I sat out in the sun. It was so nice to sit there and feel the warmth of the sun all over my body. Julianna and Daddy were fishing so it was quiet for about 30 minutes. Then, the baby woke up and it was time to get ready for a barbecue at my sister-in-laws house.

When we got there, Julianna was acting like a brat, talking back to me (we've been having a lot of issues with this lately). No one had arrived yet so her eventual temper tantrum fell on deaf ears. I simply warned her that speaking rudely to me is unacceptable and that if it happened again, I would take her home.

Her cousins came soon after and then everyone hopped in the pool. Julianna brought an Ariel pool toy that she got at Target earlier in the day and of course, all the kids wanted to play with it. I thought she was doing quite well sharing, especially since it was a brand new toy. I saw a bunch of her cousins playing with it.

The day was rolling along just fine. I spent most of my time chasing after the baby. Boy is that exhausting!! Anyway, it was getting late and I mentioned to Julianna that we were going to leave soon. I was sitting at a table not too far from the pool when I saw her and her cousin arguing. I don't know exactly what happened but her cousin had the Ariel toy and Julianna wanted it back. I went over to find out what was going on and Julianna's mood was escalating. She was whining and being rude so I told her to let Mia (her cousin) play with the toy for a few minutes please and then she would give it back. At this point, Mia's mom (another SIL) came over to see what was going on and made a comment about Julianna not knowing how to share. I let it slide over my head because I could see that Julianna was getting more upset. She started talking back to me and I had enough.

I pulled her out of the pool and she had a fit. I'm not talking about your everyday temper tantrum. Yes there was yelling an screaming and kicking and crying, but there have been a few times when I look at her and wonder whether there is something very wrong with her. Her voice deepens, she gets truly angry and starts yelling as loud as she can. She will flair her arms, kick her legs, throw things, etc. So I had my husband carry her to the car and put her in the backseat. I got in the car without buckling her because I knew there was no way she was going to let me. She was trying to get out as it was and we live less than a mile from my SIL's house. I started driving while she's screaming in the back seat. I turned around to see the car door open ... WHILE I WAS DRIVING!!! I was so terrified she was going to fall out of the car that I started screaming. I slowly came to a stop and when I put the car in park, she got out and started runing down the street. MY FOUR YEAR OLD CHILD!!!!

Can you believe it? I was so completely shocked and scared I grabbed her, put her back in the car and this time, locked the doors. I have never yelled like that in my life, but I screamed at her never to do that again. I think she could tell from the fear in my voice that she did something very bad. She kept apologizing (in between sobs and screaming, of course).

When we got home I marched her in her room and left her there. I was so furious I couldn't think of anything else to do. My husband and I talked to her later and told her we were very angry and that she's not allowed to play with her princesses for the rest of the week. I tried to convey to her just how dangerous that was. She could have fallen out of the car and gotten seriously hurt. I gave her dinner, a bath and then she went right back in her room. She asked me for dessert and even television before bed and I said no. We barely spoke to each other. My husband told her to come give me a hug and I said no. I told her I was too angry and upset.

Today she's been very quiet. She asked me once if she could play with her princesses and when I said no, she cried. She keeps asking if she's being a good girl today and if I'm going to tell daddy that she was good. I feel so terrible but she needs to understand that I will not tolerate being talked back to. She needs to respect me and everyone else she talks to. God, but she's only 4!! Ugh, it's just so hard to teach these lessons. I am so not cut out for this!!

What a Weekend!

2008-05-26T19:22:00.001-07:00

I don't have time to write much now, but I thought I'd leave you with a few pictures from our holiday weekend.

Something Old

2008-05-22T07:38:00.000-07:00

The theme at Stacy's blog this week was aged. Coincidentally, that is the name of my very favorite preset on Adobe Lightroom. I love the look it gives my pictures, letting just a little hint of color come through.

Not exactly taking a picture with something old, but it's all I got!!

What To Do?

2008-05-19T19:36:00.000-07:00

It's 10:30 at night. I really should be in bed. My girls wake up early. I'm talking E.A.R.L.Y! Plus, my tummy hurts.

I just can't make myself get up and walk to the bedroom. I'm bored. I'm confused. I'm feeling out of sorts. We got some bad news this weekend. Hubby and I started looking at houses, just to see what's out there. We talked to a mortgage rep and were told that we can't afford a house more than $250,000. Now I don't know what house prices are like in your area, but you can't get anything for that around here. I'm not exaggerating either. We did a search for a nearby town that we were hoping to move to and only 4 listings came up. FOUR! And out of those 4, only one was livable. ONE!

I'm so frustrated. I don't know what to do. Actually, that's not the truth. I do know what to do. I have to get a full time job. I've been wrestling with this issue for a while now. For as long as we've had children because I lost my job way back when I was pregnant with Julianna. I've had part time jobs since then, but nothing that brought in any real money.

Now it seems like my time has run out. My time with my kids. I have to find a babysitter. I have to get a job. Or at least make more money.

I do have a business opportunity that has come my way that I really, really hope will work out. I'm not going to say anything yet, but it does have something to do with photography. I'll keep you posted. In the meantime, can somebody please tell me what to do???

Learning Something New

2008-05-14T19:34:00.000-07:00

Little J is learning how to use a spoon. It's really funny to watch. She goes back and forth between trying to scoop up her food and just using her hands to shove it in her mouth. It's like she gives up and says, "ah, it's so much easier to eat with my hands!"

On The Farm

2008-05-13T18:13:00.000-07:00

I took the girls to a farm today. It's a small place, with a few animals, and lots of fresh food. We've been there a bunch of times and the weather was beautiful today so I packed some snacks and headed over.

The place is called Sun High Orchards and they've got ducks, bunnies, sheep, goats, and, believe it or not, a few llamas. Julianna loves feeding the animals. You can go into the little store and buy some fresh veggies to feed them. Today she was content to just give the bunnies some grass to nibble on.

Little J was so cute. She kept calling all the animals "Coco" ~ that's our dog's name! At one point we went into the store and bought an apple for the girls to share. We plopped ourselves under a shady tree and they munched while I took some pictures.

How cute are they?

Jaime loved trying to feed the animals.

They've got some cool farm equipment and when I saw this tractor I made them both sit inside the big wheel.

So cute!

During the fall, we come here to pick pumpkins and Julianna's preschool class came here on a field trip one day. I love finding little places like this that no one knows about. We spent almost 2 hours just walking around.

Speed Racer

2008-05-12T18:38:00.000-07:00

Julianna has just rediscovered her love of power wheels.

BSM: Beautiful Girl

2008-05-11T17:45:00.000-07:00

I hope you all had a wonderful Mother's Day. Mine was pretty lonely. I worked from 11 until 4 so most of my day was spent away from my children.

On the drive to work I did have time to reflect a little on my journey into motherhood. It's been a rocky road, both painful and wonderful at the same time. I've struggled with guilt and depression. I've felt inadequate and frustrated. I've felt lonely and confused.

But I've also felt loved. Unconditionally loved. My children are my world. Today I looked at Julianna and just stared into her eyes. I was searching for the words to tell her just how much I love her and I couldn't do it. Words simply can't convey how I feel about my girls. My heart aches for them. In a good way. In a very good way. I want to hold them forever.

I didn't get to take any pictures this weekend because I was working. I'm actually pretty bummed about it because I wanted to get one of me and my girls for Mother's Day, but no such luck. Instead, my best shot is of my 4 year-old. Julianna is getting ready to celebrate a big birthday soon. Next month she will turn 5. I can't believe how quickly time has passed. My baby is no longer a baby. She'll be heading to Kindergarten in the fall. Ahhh!

Happy Mother's Day!

2008-05-10T18:41:00.000-07:00

How sad is it that I don't have a picture of all three of us together? That's my mission this Mother's Day, to snap some shots of me and my girls. Hope you have a wonderful day and that you're spending it with the ones you love!!

Silver Lining Part 2

2008-05-08T07:59:00.000-07:00

Another really great thing about living with my in-laws has been something totally unexpected. I was so nervous about the girls sharing a room that I never imagined I would be woken up by the sound of laughter. Every morning Big J climbs into Little J's crib and they make each other crack up. It's been the best part of my day for the last two weeks.

It's Only Tuesday?

2008-05-06T05:33:00.000-07:00

I can't beliNeve it already feels like the week is dragging. And it's going to be a busy one. I'm babysitting my niece today from 10 a.m. until 2 p.m. Big J is so excited. Her cousin is her favorite person. You'd never know it by the way they fight, but they love each other so much. It'll be nice for J to have someone to play with. Hopefully they'll take it easy on each other.

My mom is coming over for dinner tonight. I haven't seen her in a while and now I'm not going to see her on Mother's Day. I know she misses the girls so I'm glad she's coming. There's a carnival in town that starts tonight too.

Big J has another playdate tomorrow. One of the moms from her school offered to pick her up from school and bring her back to her house for a little while. It's really nice because then I don't have to wake the baby from her nap to pick J up from school. The drive back and forth is really killing me. I swear I spend like $100 a week on gas. It's so ridiculous. Thankfully there's only a month left of school.

I just booked J's birthday party yesterday. She wanted it at a gymnastics place around here. We went to a party there and she had so much fun she wanted hers there too! This is the first time I'll be doing a party for her friends. Actually this is the first year she's been to any parties from her friends at school too. Maybe because they're all going to Kindergarten next year.

Oh man, I feel like I'm rambling. Ever since we've moved I have no time to do anything and that includes sitting down to write a post for this blog. I made a Facebook page for my photography. Go become a fan!!I'm really not sure what to do next. I guess I should go to the county and register the name. Oh and actual clients would be nice. Ha! Instead of photographing my own children. Pactice makes perfect though, right? I want to buy a new lens too. A zoom.

Okay my children are calling me. Enough rambling!

Weekend Update

2008-05-05T04:39:00.001-07:00

This weekend went by way too fast. I guess that's the downside of working Saturday and Sunday.

My sister came out for a visit yesterday with her husband. The girls were so happy to see her. We hung out in the backyard for a little while. Big J showed he aunt and uncle her Scooby Doo fishing pole. Then, we went to lunch and took a trip to the mall. I had to stop in the studio to do some paperwork. Oh, guess what? I have to work on Mother's Day! Can you believe that? We have very few employees and my manager and assistant manager are both out of town. It just sucks because I am the only mom at my job. I'm sure it'll be dead so hopefully I can leave early.

At the mall, I bought Big J a pretty princess nightgown with matching slippers. She loved it so much she wore it the rest of the day and then to bed last night. She cracks me up when she's in princess mode. Oh the drama!!

Here are a few pictures from my weekend.

Here's everyone by the lake.

My little rock star, still not steady on her feet.

Big J and her uncle trying to catch some fish.

Little J and aunt Mimi.

Big J in her fabulous new nightgown.

The slippers to match.

And my best shot for today. My two little angels!!

Happy Friday!

2008-05-02T12:04:00.000-07:00

Th Silver Lining

2008-05-01T07:48:00.000-07:00

I know I've been complaining a lot here, but I really am trying to see the positive side of living at my in-laws. Here's one: they've got a great backyard with a lake.

Yes, I'm Still Complaining!

2008-04-29T05:32:00.000-07:00

I have no one else to whine to so, you, dear Internet, get to hear me moan about my in-laws again. I forgot to mention one more thing on my list yesterday. My MIL has fake plants everywhere in this house. Even in pots. Outside.

10 Things I Learned About My In-Laws This Weekend

2008-04-28T07:16:00.000-07:00

It's finally done! All the moving and driving and lifting is done. It was a HUGE amount of work and we still have a lot to do to get settled here, but things are moving along. The girls are doing well. I think they actually enjoy sharing a room, although I'd love it if they didn't wake up so early.

The hardest part has been dealing with all the crap at my in-laws house. I put together a handy little list so you can get an idea of what I've been dealing with all weekend.

10 Things I've Learned About My In-Laws

10. They have the worst cable provider ever. We don't get Noggin or Boomerang. That means no Dora, no Little Bill, no Baby Looney Tunes.

9. My MIL has tons and tons of sheets.

8. The floors were filthy. My MIL does not own a vacuum.

7. Who leaves leftovers in the refrigerator when they are leaving the country for 6 months?

6. It smells like old people here.

5. My MIL collects tupperware and plastic containers.

4. The dishwasher is disgusting. I'm not sure how old it is but there is so much soap buildup or calcium deposits or whatever that I won't wash my things in there.

3. This house is soooo not child friendly. I had to move the glass coffee table and put all the breakables on to a table in the dining room.

2. Giving the girls a bath in their tub is going to suck big time. It's way too small and they have sliding glass doors.

1. My MIL uses shampoo specifically for blondes but she is a brunette.

Oh and here's a bonus. Everywhere I look there are statues or pictures of the Virgin Mary. We even have a bottle of holy water in our room.

Needless to say it's been especially hard adjusting for me, but I think everyone else is holding up just fine.

Amidst all the moving stuff, my husband sang for the first time ever in a rock band. His brothers are in a punk band and decided to start a side project. They asked my husband to sing (which was kind of shocking to me because he doesn't even sing to the girls), and he's been practicing for a while now. They even made a CD. And on Friday they did their first live show. Here are my best shots for this fine Monday.

I'm Still Here

2008-04-25T07:55:00.000-07:00

Just getting things settled with the move. A lot more work than I expected! In the meantime check out an interview I did with an up and coming photographer Paige. B Photography.

I'm Lost

2008-04-21T18:37:00.000-07:00

I am overwhelmed with emotion. I feel so lost, so out of control. I don't know what to do, how to fix things.

Big J's behavior baffles me. She has been acting mean and disrespectful towards my husband and me. She talks back. She makes faces. She yells. She screams. She just doesn't listen. Part of me thinks she doesn't care either and that's the most troubling.

Today, I cried in front of her. I was so upset that I cried. She just stared at me. I think she was confused or maybe even a little frightened. I didn't know what else to do. I felt so frustrated and the tears started rolling.

It was after her bath. I asked her not to splash her sister. She did it anyway. I told her to get out of the tub. She wouldn't listen. I 'helped' her out of the tub. She stood there, looked me dead in the eye, dipped her hand back in the tub and splashed water all over the bathroom. I yelled and told her to get in her room.

We went back and forth, yelling at each other. I hate that it ends like this. It always ends like this. I don't know what to do anymore. I don't know how to handle her. I feel so guilty all the time. But I'm also frustrated. I won't tolerate being treated this way. I understand that she's only 4 but she's knows what it means to hurt someone's feelings. She understands what it means to disobey. She's old enough to follow the rules.

What am I doing wrong? How can I change things?

When Big J was little she was evaluated by a program called Early Intervention. I contacted them because of her eating problems but they also test for developmental delays that relate to behavior. They came to the house and asked me a ton of questions and observed her while she ate and played. When I found out the results I wasn't surprised to hear that they suggested a behaviorist.

I always felt that something wasn't right. She over-reacted to everything. She would have a fit if the sun was in her eyes or if it was too windy outside. Her sense were overloaded and that made it very difficult for her to deal with things someone else might just brush off. She gets frustrated easily. She feels things so deeply. I thought as she got older that it would get easier. People always say that you need give children the power to label their feelings and a chance to talk about them. Well, Big J was always really good at expressing herself. She still is. She'll tell me when she's angry or upset or sad, but her first instinct is to yell or throw something. If Little J is crying and it's too loud for her to handle, she will get in her face and scream or she'll take her arm and squeeze it.

The bathtub incident was the second time today that she was sent to her room. I brought them both to the food store this afternoon and she was acting up again. She was being rude and I put her in a time out as soon as we got home. She ended up falling asleep.

I'm worried about her. We're moving this week and I don't want all this stress surrounding us. I don't want to yell. I am tired of feeling so bad all the time. I wish I knew the answers. I wish it were easier. I just hope I'm doing right by her. I hope I'm the mom she needs to bring out the best in her.