the anti-fanboy : honest game reviews

...And We're Back!

2007-01-07T01:16:00.000-08:00

Hope everyone out there across this crazy series of tubes had a fantastic holiday. We sure did. I went out to Jersey to visit my Dad. Expecting a "White Christmas", I was surprised to find that the temperatures in the North East United States matched those back home in Los Angeles. When we went into the city, we had dinner outside in Little Italy in freaking December. I guess Al Gore had a point. Some of my better pictures from my trip can be found here, or you can click the link at the bottom of this post. Click here, on the header, or below for a Flickr gallery of us going a little gung-ho with Alex's Wii*.

To christen the first post of the New Year, we have our own brand of YouTube silliness below. The first one is a glitch we caught on film in Gears of War. Fun game, but your teammate's AI is pretty buggy. "Get the fuck out of the way Dom!" Here, our partner in chainsaw gunning takes a little time to boogie down. The other video is kind of self explanatory...

Have a great 2007 everyone! We'll be bringing you more reviews and other quality content soon!

Pictures from the New York Trip
Wii went a little nuts

*Laser eyes may or may not in fact simply be red eye.

Fa-LaLa-LaLa-La-La-La

2006-12-25T09:09:00.000-08:00

...La.

Merry Christmas, true believers! Hope you woke up this morning to whatever the hell you asked for. I've got a party to go to today, just wishing all our readers a happy holiday season. Shalom, Salaam, and Amen.

Let's Do Launch

2006-11-21T22:54:00.000-08:00

Alex Camped Out For the Wii
This is old news, but we just put up a Flickr album with pictures from the Best Buy parking lot.

Flickr Album

Go Penguin, It's Your Birthday...

2006-11-21T01:53:00.000-08:00

The Anti-Fanboy Celebrates Its One Year Anniversary!

One year ago today, two punk kids, a japanese girl and a penguin started a revolution. Fed up with misleading game reviews, they started The Anti-Fanboy, a site dedicated to letting people know what games they should spend half a Benjamin on. Three hundred and sixty-five days later, our articles are longer, better written, and have capital letters. We started on one console launch and are still going strong after two more. Our readership is much larger, our layout is a whole lot prettier, and I'm a whole lot broker. Here's to many more anniversaries, many more articles, and many more readers.

What's New Pussycat?

2006-11-20T09:59:00.000-08:00

No New Posts Make Me a Sad Panda

I've gotten some reader responses lately to the tune of "Hey guys, are you still posting?" The easy answer is yes. The explanation isn't. Week after week articles go un-posted, and I won't lie to you, it's all my fault. As editor (founder, writer, etc) I have to keep the quality of posts higher than a lot of other blogs and review sites, so most of the time good posts are given the axe. Whether the reason is timing (Splinter Cell, Vice City Stories and Gears of War's reviews), relevance (no more posts about Brownie Bites, I promise) or coherence (most of our articles are written around 2-6 am), lots of articles never make the front page. But I think keeping those posts off the front page is what keeps readers coming back. If we posted any little thing that came into our heads without a run through QA, we'd compromise the integrity, quality, and professionalism (what little we have) in doing so. And dammit, Janet, we got scruples. Once our time frees up (especially this Holiday season) expect a torrent of activity over here at the good 'ol AFB. We strive to be the last bastion of hope in a world filled with bloggers paid to post, games journalists pandering to their advertisers, and critics who don't want to burn bridges.

Other things to look forward to: "AFB[TV]". The newly revamped streaming video site is being redesigned from the ground up. Channels include game videos, movie trailers, music videos, original and user submitted content. The layout we're working on resembles a cross between the security room at the mall and that white room with all the monitors from the Matrix sequels. Very clean, very organized, with the same look as the homepage. New message boards are also in the works, so don't bother with these. For updates on the big... updates, contact us with the subject line, "AFB Mailing List". We promise not to spam you. Honest Injun.

Fall Television Rant

2006-11-12T07:09:00.000-08:00

My Thoughts On The New Fall Shows
I always feel dirty when I take a liking to any shows on network television. CBS, NBC, ABC and FOX have seen to it to cancel any show I'm remotely interested in, halfway through the season. It happened to Freaks & Geeks, Firefly, Wonder-Falls, and I'll admit I even got sucked into John Doe. They barely get a chance while reality shows about marrying midgets for money, spoiled yuppie douche-bags eating gross things and ugly girls getting plastic surgery are renewed over and over, and awful sitcoms starring fat, failed comedians with un-realistically hot wives last to the point where they recycle their own material. I swore after they canceled Family Guy and renewed the Simpsons for another shitty season that I wouldn't stray below channel 31. I just couldn't have my heart broken again.

Lo-and-behold I found new shows on these upper channels, ones that were better than anything on network television, and not only were they given a fair chance, they proved network execs wrong and excelled. Shows like Rescue Me, Nip/Tuck, It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, The Shield, Battlestar Galactica, Eureka and Monk would have been canned on network in a heartbeat, but they now have growing audiences that return week after week, loyal and entertained. Monk floundered when it was first on ABC, and was canceled. USA snatched it up and now it's their flagship show (with much better writing and production values). What amazes me is that these basic cable channels are becoming more successful than their parent networks, Fox and NBC.

FX started as an experimental channel, showing the occasional movie and the original programming was geared toward the average suburban housewife. Now it's completely changed into a groundbreaking network playing shows you'd expect to be on HBO or Showtime, albeit with more f-bombs and full frontal. Fox has the War at Home. If they keep House (one of the best shows on TV) they'll be on the right track at least. USA and Sci-Fi were purchased by NBC, who promptly led a multi-million dollar overhaul on all three networks. While Sci-Fi mostly stayed the same, it was given a much bigger budget for original programming. USA got the TBS treatment, picking what type of programming they wanted it to have from that point forward and sticking to their guns. NBC started taking chances (finally) after Friends' ridiculous run, and took on a few new shows. Good for them.

Heroes and Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip were two big chances that are paying off. They both have excellent writing (especially the latter) and are different enough to give their programming lineup a diverse, fresh new start. Picking up Friday Night Lights and 30 Rock this close to the launching of the first two was a huge mistake, though. 'Lights is a decent enough show, but it doesn't flow well next to any of the other shows. There's a difference between diverse programming and a show just not fitting in. 30 Rock is another show about SNL with a two decimal number in the title. Comparing 30 Rock and Studio 60 is like comparing Mark Twain's Huckleberry Finn to Franz Kafka's The Metamorphosis. They are both great books in their own way, but are so different they should never be in the same sentence, much less the same season. Studio 60 was almost canceled (due to scheduling problems) but this last week had the rest of the season ordered. It's nice to see the powers that be grew a pair and realized just how biased Nielsen ratings are (it's a flawed system, but I'll get to that later). Heroes got off to a great start, but like Lost, Twin Peaks, and countless other shows, it has gone from interesting to non-sequitur. Let's hope they turn this around, because with Jeph Loeb producing and Tim Sale doing the infamous "future paintings", it has the potential to blow us away.

As for the Fall shows on the upper channels, Man vs Wild and Rob & Big have me snared. Bear Grylls, the star and consultant of Discovery Channel's Man vs Wild is quite possibly the coolest person on earth. Unlike previous shows where a moron strands himself in harsh terrain with nothing but a camera crew and emergency supplies, Bear's approach is as if you were stranded with him, and while you watch him find shelter and sustenance on his way to civilization and extraction, he teaches you everything from what to look for to how to climb. He was in various Foreign Legions, Special Forces, and he speaks with a cool British accent, so while brutal, it's quite the enjoyable experience. I've always loved Gary Paulsen-type situations, so I love it. It's amazing how these beautiful landscapes can be so harsh and unforgiving. The show in a nutshell is like a cross between going on a tour with a guide who knows everything about the location (and tells you everything) and half-way through you get stranded and find out he's a total badass survivalist. If he wore a fedora and fought Nazis he'd be Indiana Jones.

Rob & Big, MTV's newest reality show doesn't fit the bill of reality show. It has no ridiculously contrived drama, overt racism, lewd sexuality, or cat-fights. It's a look into the friendship between skateboarder and DC Shoes mogul Rob Dyrdek and his bodyguard and long time com-panda Chris "Big Black" Boykin. It's pretty much my dream to get wealthy doing something I love and in turn have a big black bodyguard/buddy. I'd have to come up with a clever nickname for him, and since "Chocolate Bear" is taken, I guess my dream is never to be. But you can watch Rob and Big get into all sorts of monkeyshines and shenanigans without unnecessary drama, thanks to show producer and Jackass alum Jeff Tremain. The show's got a nice flow to it, keeping things everyday but not boring without staging events (like Dane Cook's god-awful Tourgasm). I hope they keep up the good work. It's a funny show about real people who are buddies. Gotta love it.

Avoid LIKE THE ~~PLAGUE~~ SIMPLE LIFE "House of Carters". I swear to you, you'll spiral into a deep dark hole that you just can't climb out of. You'll tear your hair out wondering just how the hell this family of ugly, talentless, spoiled wiggers not only got their magnificent home, a show on E!, millions of dollars and the virginity of both Hilary Duff and Lindsay Lohan, but somehow manage not to choke on their own crap as they eat it, because these people are sub-monkey. Thinking about them makes me vomit a little. The first time I saw the show I thought Kevin Federline had a litter. I just know it was mentioned somewhere in the Geneva Convention.

Hopefully television will get better. Nielsen families are supposedly picked at random, but they are in fact centrally located along the Bible Belt in the South and in the most rural, conservative sections of the Midwest. It's the reason Jim Belushi's show is still on the air. For some reason these Red State Puritans are dead set against any foul language or healthy sexuality, but they eat up CSI. They freak out if anyone on television takes the Lord's name in vain, yet they glue their eyes to the screen whenever a hooker's arterial spray paints the walls. Hell, they'll stick around during the autopsy.

The Fat Lady Just Lik-Sang

2006-10-25T22:17:00.000-07:00

(Heart) Breaking News: Sony Kills Lik-Sang
I'm just on a roll with the clever titles tonight. And Sony's on a roll with the douchebaggery lately. Lik-Sang.com, the favorite import video game site of myself, Jim, and many other gamers, is no longer in business. Sony claimed that by selling PSPs from Asia to customers in Europe, Lik-Sang infringed its trade marks, copyright and registered design rights. Unfortunately, the High Court of London agreed. I don't know why they went after Lik-Sang instead of one of the many other, less cool import sites. Guess I'll have to get Jump Ultimate Stars from Play-Asia now. Lamez0r.

Source: Lik-Sang.com

Sit On It, Potsie

2006-10-23T09:50:00.000-07:00

"Bully" Review
This game almost didn't get released due to all the negative press and boycotts from ignorant parent groups and media stories. Every fight Rockstar is in has been a one-sided argument. They tend to do what they want anyway, but whiny ignoramuses make things difficult for them. Even more recently the gaming community has seemingly turned on them. Suddenly Rockstar is the new Microsoft. I don't get it.

Don't worry parents. As a man who plays video games for a living, I can tell you that Bully is tamer than Tony Hawk. At least those shit-fest "Underground" games. It's also a better influence, if your child is enough of a dumb-fuck to imitate fictional characters in his everyday socio-pathic life. 15 year old Jimmy Hopkins is a much better role model than Bam Margera, a guy who makes millions torturing his parents and generally being a destructive asshole. Bully reminds me of my childhood, Elementary through High School. All the classic archetypes are there: the meat-headed jocks, the pompous preppies, the unstable bullies, the delusional nerds and the over-reacting greasers. It's a bit of an amalgam of different childhood experiences and characters, and other than a reference to the Internet, it's not set in any specific time period. No matter how old you are, you'll enjoy the hell out of Bully, simply for nostalgia 'sake.

In classic Rockstar fashion, the story, characters, and atmosphere are all crafted particularly well. Playing the game feels like watching a movie, and their award-worthy textures bring the characters and settings to life. The game begins in Autumn, showing off the gorgeous foliage on campus. Birds settle on power lines, crimson leaves sprinkle down from the trees above, and the world feels genuine. In a few days you start to see Halloween decorations pepper the campus, and soon you're embroiled in one of the best missions in the game, Halloween night pranks. Two chapters along and you're waking up to snow on the ground and icicles hanging from every surface. While campus is beautiful, the real magic lies waiting outside school grounds.

Surrounding (New England's?) Bullworth Academy are three towns, a sleepy waterfront with a boardwalk carnival, a wealthy suburb, and a blue-collar industrial town. All are unique but blend together magically. They feel radically different from the campus, as if you're stepping into the real world. It's almost a shame to have to go back to class. Good thing you can ditch. If you do, however, there are fitting consequences (just like in reality) you have to make up the work you missed, and in the time you were away you missed out on vital upgrades to your various skills. While off campus during classes, you also have to watch out for prefects and cops who will drag you in for being truant. Prefects and police officers will haul you in for any type of mischief you cause anyhow (just like in reality) so you have to behave around them, try and stay out of trouble, and keep your "!" meter down. You can do this by running away, going back to your dormitory, or hiding in trashcans and lockers.

When you pass up on a fight and run toward the nearest prefect, the bullies chasing you will walk the other way. When you solve problems by talking people down instead of duking it out, you avoid negative attention and might even make a friend. Most of your missions involve rescuing or escorting someone who's being bullied. Of course, some have you running in with a bad crowd (Gary) where you are pressured into causing trouble, but as our buzz-cut sporting hero says at the end of Chapter 1, "Stop picking on weak, defenseless kids. There are plenty of kids at Bullworth that deserve a good beating." "I only mess with those who have it coming to them." These aren't verbatim, but are the basic principles of the game. ...See Jackie-boy? This game punishes you for bad deeds and rewards you for good ones! Would you like some milk to wash down that crow you're eating?

Jimmy may say that Bullworth is the "worst school ever" but the truth is that most schools are as terrible as his, and some are much worse. The truth is, the smaller the school the bigger the assholes. You can get away with keeping to yourself at a big school, but it will still be a shit-hole. Truth is I've lived through most of Bully myself, except the language is much cleaner in the game, and my versions usually include drugs, alcohol, and weapons much more dangerous than a slingshot and a bag of marbles. Fights took place in "The Glen," which is conveniently located straight shot from the local Police Department and Hospital. It was like a gladiator's arena, secluded by trees with just enough visible from the bridge and sidewalk to make it a perfect little gladiator's coliseum. Just add lions and Christians.

The entire game is like a wonderful patchwork of previous Rockstar games. The fighting system is quite obviously an adapted, improved version of the one used in The Warriors, the cutscenes, map, biking, character customization, property ownership and hideout collection (after you complete a certain mission, a keepsake will show up in your room ala Vice City) are all here and improved from GTA, and overall the entire game feels very polished. As Rockstar's last current generation outing, it certainly does not disappoint.

The VO work and character animations are excellent, and I swear to God I know Gary. Of course, he went by different names and forms throughout my childhood, and he always got me into trouble. Gary is the first person you really get to know at Bullworth, and after offering to be your friend and showing you around, he manages to manipulate and set you up. Again, it reminds me of so many kids throughout my life, starting with Brian in second grade- ...anyway, he becomes your main antagonist, always three steps ahead of you, spreading lies and slander to the people you're trying to break bread with. As our cool-headed hero assures us, he'll get what's coming to him. And oh boy, he does.

In conclusion, Bully has turned from a potential Hot Coffee-size controversy to one of the best games I have ever played. You'd be a fool not to at least give it a try, even if you profess online to supposedly hating Rockstar Games and everything they develop. It's a coming of age story, one filled with frustration, exclusion, awkwardness, acceptance, and even romance. Bully is definitely the funniest game of the year, and shows that despite all the bad press and bad hype ignorant mouthpieces have been spouting about it with nothing to go on but the words "Rockstar Games" and "Bully", a gaming masterpiece can be produced without caving.

Overall: Perfect 10; Bully is one of the best games I have ever played. This is a definite buy.

PS: You can kiss a boy Jackie-baby! Fulfill your deepest, darkest desire to give Sam Houser a sloppy wet-one!

Thank God for Lego

2006-10-23T08:53:00.000-07:00

Earth Shattering News: Top Gear Presenter Richard Hammond Nearly Died
You guys know we don't post news unless it's really big or important... at least to us. We aren't huge politicos and this isn't a political site, so we don't post about the war, who we're going to vote for next month, rising gas prices, global warming, scary Christian fundamentalists, or even Republican underage cyber-sex. However, when we almost lose Richard Hammond, co-presenter on Top Gear and host of Braniac, we must report it. Top Gear is a show on the BBC dedicated to awesome fucking cars and pushing them past all sorts of speed limits. It's presented somewhat like Masterpiece Theater meets Formula One, and we love the shit out of it. You've probably seen it on the Discovery Channel or viewed clips of it on Google Video. It's the only show featuring charming Brits driving ridiculously expensive cars at speeds that make racing enthusiasts' pants tight. It's one of the few shows that make us bite our fists in awesome-tude. It's a word I made up just for Top Gear. Again, we love Top Gear.

Richard Hammond is the younger of the two presenters, 36 with two kids and a fine human being for his contribution to wicked awesomeness. We almost lost him last month when he veered off course in a 300mph jet-powered car at Elvington airfield near York. Let me repeat that, in case you're like me and you just scan over articles. JET-POWERED CAR. THREE HUNDRED MILES-PER-fucking-HOUR. He was trying to break the land speed record on film when his jet-powered car veered off course, landing him in Leeds Hospital where he was treated for significant brain injuries. On the points system doctors use, (15 is normal, 3 is flatline) he was a three. It was a fifty/fifty chance he'd live.

Thankfully he did, and narrowly avoided having doctors bore a hole in his head to drain blood and reduce the swelling. His wife and children helped him through the ordeal, and an obsession with Lego bricks helped him recover without significant brain damage. Thank God for Lego. Hopefully "The Hamster" will return to Top Gear, as he signed a two year contract with the BBC before the accident. Perhaps next time he'll let the old guy do the crazier shit. We at the Anti-Fanboy wish him a quick recovery and the best of health. Godspeed Hamster.

Source: BBC News UK

Same Game, Different Playstyle

2006-10-16T09:50:00.000-07:00

"Splinter Cell: DA" Multiplayer 360 Impressions
If you've got a 360, go on the Marketplace and download the Double Agent online demo now. You won't regret it, I promise. The first thing you will notice is that there's a small chance you'll find a game that will start perfectly. The first few hours it was available I never even got past the joining message. If I did find a game, the host 6 times out of 10 would end it, and back to the drawing board I would go. Very frustrating, but it is a demo.

The second, and most jaw dropping thing you will notice is the ease of use. Whether you end up with spy or mercenary, the button setup is incredibly simple and the learning curve is about 10 minutes until you're diving and shooting like the best of them. Spies have been disarmed this time around, limiting you to stealthy melee, electronic neutralization, and good old fashioned confusion. Animations are much smoother: every spy moves like a cat burglar with the runs.

Most of what the spies do is run, hide, and use the keypad on their forearm to remotely hack terminals. It's incredibly fun. Simply walking up to a pipe will smoothly transition into an animation of you climbing it, and jumping onto the pipe does the same thing. Again, I cannot stress how smooth it is. For added agility, holding the right bumper when running toward a window, hole in the ceiling tiles, or low vent will allow you to smoothly crash through, climb up, or slide under any of these handy escape routes. Compared to Chaos Theory, these guys are Olympic gold medalists.

Mercenaries are also much better off. Instead of having four different view choices, the motion detector is built into the regular visor and the flashlight can be focused for clarity and discretion. A drone is also available for getting into those hard to reach places, and it comes equipped with a fairly deadly self destruct. Ammo is unlimited, but grenades and drones aren't, so you'll have to visit the briefing room (spawn) to refill.

Looking forward to seeing more when Double Agent is released later this month.

School Days, Fool Days

2006-09-21T17:14:00.000-07:00

Due to my educational incarceration, I will not be posting as frequently as I usually do. I've witnessed a large drop in page views and visits since the posts became few and far. I'll try to remedy this soon, but right now I am without computer (video card walked off a short pier) and until I can sit down and type out the best I can, there won't be many new posts. Believe me, you'll know when I'm back. Our domain host (Synced.org, owned by Mike) has shut its doors, and I'm still trying to figure out if my hosting will be gone forever. With it went our header and dot-com redirect, so you'll want to keep the ".blogspot" in there for a bit. Also, Mike and Alan are busy at college as well and Alex is in the middle of assembling a new PC. Consider this fall vacation. Check back soon, articles are in the process of being written!

Wiicked Awesome News

2006-09-15T03:07:00.000-07:00

Mark November 19th (of this year) down on your calendars gamers... the Nintendo Wii will launch on that beautiful Sunday for $250 retail. Join your most conveniently local game shop's online newsletter (EB/Gamestop) to be told exactly when they start accepting pre-orders. I know Alex and I are launch day adopters. Too many great games to wait until the next shipment.

Alex Update: apparently the great curly one has changed his mind on getting it launch day, seeing as how it only comes in white for $50 more than he had planned. Seriously, I don't care, but he does, so... I guess he'll be playing ExciteTruck over here for a while. Me, I like white. He wanted green or red. White matches my iPod and 360, so I'm fine with it.

We Heart MAME!

2006-09-07T17:14:00.000-07:00

Growing up in Northern New Jersey, there were few things to do outside your own home worth two shits and a whistle. One sleet ridden Winter in 1996, my freinds and I lost the only genuine arcade in the Glen Ridge/Bloomfield/Montclair area. For a bunch of ten-year-olds who lived video games, this had might as well have been a death sentence. Sure, we had our Nintendos and Playstations, but nothing can replace Street Fighter or Time Crisis.

The place was run by a neat-freak Korean manager who would wipe down all the sticks, buttons and knobs every day, so the place was never that greasy or stinky. New games came in regularly, and there was always the welcome din of pinball chimes and laser blasts. We formed a petition to save the arcade and told all our schoolmates about it, but nothing could change its dire fate. When it closed, our choices were down to the paltry selections offered by the local Pizza Hut, movie theater, Chuck-E-Cheese, or seediest of ghetto arcades (where we'd probably get molested and killed).

I've tried MAME (multiple arcade machine emulator) before, but due to the somewhat... curvy learning curve, I never got far. I'm definitely not new to emulators, but MAME was always a bit out of my league. Recently I decided I had the time and patience to decipher it, and with a simple Googling and a few torrents, I was the proud owner of the greatest arcade in the world, sans the atmosphere. This article is for all the newbies out there, the good intentioned chaps who stuck their toe in the water and found it too cold to jump in. For those already in the loop, consider this a thank you note to the geniuses who provide the public with a source of perfect arcade game emulation. So just what do we heart so much about MAME?

Lossless Translation: whenever a home console gets a port of an old arcade game, their biggest hurdle is trying to get the little bastard to run smoothly. "Why?" you may ask, "didn't these games run perfectly on much older, less advanced hardware?" The answer is a resounding yes-- sort of. Truth is, though the hardware inside the cabinets was about as advanced as your dad's dusty KayPro, every bit & byte of it was made for a specific task: running said game. That's why when you got lag in Metal Slug back in the day, you knew you were really pushing pixels. So how come the Xbox 360 can't run Street Fighter II without a ten gallon barrel of programming elbow grease and a few dozen hiccups? Because the 360 is multitasking. Don't ask me how MAME does a better job on my computer while I'm running Firefox Beta 2, BitTorrent, eMule, and WinAmp. It's just one of life's mysteries. I question my existence, religion and authority on a daily basis, but not MAME.

OSo Flexible: No matter what your operating system, you can find a MAME for you. There are binary, Win32, Mac and Linux versions available for download. You can even find versions for the Xbox, Dreamcast, digital cameras and mobile phones. It's an open source program, so whoever desperately wants it to run on their operating system can dig into the source code and program one for theirs, however I've been told that some aren't as stable as others.

Gamera Obscura: since I've been on a healthy MAME diet, I've come across games I never would have under normal circumstances. Not only the ridiculous games that no self respecting arcade owner would carry, but also overseas hits and diamonds in the rough. I've also played games that were just plain rare to find, but spectacular. Garou: Mark of the Wolves, Samurai Shodown II, and Last Blade 2 are some of the best fighting games in the world, but try playing them today without MAME.

Custom Soundtrack: playing "Sly Spy" to the soothing sounds of Sufjan Stevens is not just rife with alliteration, it's also something that made my night. It's the kind of situation that killed the arcade. One of the atmospheric downsides for many was that you could only stand to be in the middle of the noise for so long before you started bleeding from your ears-- I know all the parents at any arcade birthday party situation ran for the hills once inside. The home console came along, and with it came the option of silence from the bleeps and bloops, even though most of us can't play without them. Oop, track's over. Time to play "Burger Time" to Be Your Own Pet.

Endless Quarters: the other day Alex and I almost beat Metal Slug. We got damn close, but he had to go home. It was one of the funnest experiences of my life. Sure, by arcade standards it was cheating, but three minutes into the three hours of ridiculous 2D co-op carnage, we didn't care. We were having a good time, beating one of the biggest quarter consumers ever conceived using teamwork and button mashing. Having trouble bonding with your father or son? Start up a game of Final Fight, pop in your infinity credits, and turn off your cell phone. Don't stop until you kill the cripple with the crossbow and the credits roll. It's cheaper than Six Flags, a strip club, and therapy.

Control the Situation: one thing sorely lacking from console ports of arcade games is the ability to choose your controller and layout. The complaint I constantly hear is that one Street Fighter has a different layout than another Street Fighter. While older arcade games had four attack buttons, later ones had six. MAME is built for control customization. By simply hitting TAB you can change the general control layouts (so every game's keys/buttons are bound the same) or you can bind them for the game you're currently playing only. Once you get your bearings, doing this becomes second nature. In fact, that's a good description of MAME itself. If you already have game pads or joysticks laying about, I highly suggest buying an adapter. They are about $10 on eBay, and you can get one for your PlayStation, Xbox, or N64 controllers. They can fit two per adapter usually, so it's good for playing with freinds. If you have a 360 controller with the usb charger cord, you're good to go. It's all a matter of preference. If you have the space and the money you can get X-Arcade's joystick module, but for the casual MAMEr I suggest a dual shock and an adapter. The analog stick is great for fighting games, the buttons feel right, and it's a safe bet you have a PlayStation 2. Some people build a cabinet, but if you're new to it all, I don't suggest jumping into a project that technical. Wouldn't you much rather sit on your ass and play anyhow?

Unrivaled Community: seriously, who else would compile every classic arcade game for free, devote entire online databases to them, go through three revisions just to get a game right, risk the blue screening of their computer, and give you a ridiculous selection of programs to run them on? The same types of people that make Wikipedia and Digg the places to go for information and news, the people that make game modifications in their spare time, the people who contribute to forum after forum with no reward but a kudos and a post count. These people care about their subject, show it the attention it deserves, and spread the word. You tend to see this community spirit for open source programs. The fact that there are people out there who wish to preserve these sections of my childhood, these works of art-- gives me another reason to wake up in the morning. It's this spirit that made me do something about flip-flopping game reviews instead of just bitching about it. You can call this "Spirit of the Internets" what inspired me start the anti-fanboy in the first place, and what keeps me posting to this day. The hope that the world of games I live in and love won't turn into what Hollywood has become: soulless characters, empty plots, bad acting and vindictive, unreliable reviews.

MAME's proven itself the best gaming solution out there because of its variety, versatility, price, ease and community. There's no reason everyone out there shouldn't have it. If they can make a version to run on an Amiga, it can run on your rig. If you are having trouble understanding the little nuances of MAME, you can find help on Google, or you can learn the bare essentials from the MAME cheat-sheet below.

Download the program from any of the links in the above article. If you didn't read it all the way through, shame on you.
Install/unpack MAME. Put it on the drive with the most space. You'll need it for the roms.
To find roms (game files), I find the best places are either RomNation or RomWorld. They both have the same library, but RW has the fastest process (and the most popups). You can also search for MAME on eMule and get a huge list of roms, sometimes bundled with a decent emulator. I highly suggest downloading them all and sorting them out in the end. Look for ones marked "DVD#_ MAME ROMS PLATINUM COLLECTION". It's your best bet if you want every game known to man.
Install roms. No need to unpack them, simply drop them into your /roms folder. Open your MAME client and "audit all games". This will scan all the roms you have in that folder and tell you how many work. When it's done, you should have a list of all your available games in the MAME client.
I could leave you here, but I'm too nice. At this point, to better tell apart the games in the window, download an icon pack. Mamu's are the best and most comprehensive. Guess which folder they go in. (/icons, dummy)
If you want to use a controller instead of your keyboard, plug your adapter in, wait for the drivers/etc to load and the controller to self install, then restart MAME. Select a game and view its "properties". Under "controllers" check "enable joystick input". Once in-game, hit TAB and bind away!
You should be fine from this point. Tell your freinds about MAME and this article!

All article images compiled & captured by yours truly. Trust me, the header was a huge pain in the ass. Don't steal any of them, please. This whole article, in fact, quite obviously cost me a good night's sleep, so please link to the post or the site if referencing it.

AFB Streaming: Open for Business

2006-09-03T14:20:00.000-07:00

No longer pushing real articles down the page, our streaming video content has moved to its new address. There's also a fantastic new video to christen our new page. Enjoy the Team Fortress 2 GDC06 direct feed trailer, now featuring some hilariously fun gameplay. To visit AFB Streaming you can either click this article's header or the link button in the menu to the right.

Hulk Smash Stereotype!

2006-09-03T11:53:00.000-07:00

Mythos: Hulk Issue One Review
I've never been a follower of the Hulk. Sure, I have the roaring foam Hulk hands, the Incredible Hulk video game and at one time I had Hulk PJs, but I could never get into the stories. It was all mongoloid destruction, and when you're not the one doing it, smashing stuff is not that fun to watch --especially on paper. But not all Hulks are created equal...

Mythos: Hulk caught my eye with Paolo Rivera's brilliant art style, and snared me when I read it. Paul Jenkin's dialog is believable but smart, a hybrid of the classic origin with significantly more fleshed out character drama which has Rivera's emotive character art to thank for. It's like nothing I've seen before; like he sat down and drew out every emotion and facial expression he could think of for each character like they do at Pixar. Every character has their own mannerisms: Bruce is heavily animated, usually having the best art in the book, while General Ross is a stoic mountain of intimidation. Whatever emotion he shows (that's not rage) sneaks its way out from under his cap and mustache.

More than any other Hulk story I've read, Mythos focuses on the frustration with General Ross and uses that as the catalyst for Banner's metamorphosis. Ross is taking away Banner's girl and his project, and nothing he does will make him worthy of Betty. Other books have touched on that, but more than anything the accident is usually the true focus of their origin stories. Mythos decided to give the gamma radiation accident half a page. The less Bruckheimer comic books get the better; that is if they want to gather new audiences. If they continue the series like their premier issue, Mythos: Hulk is going to be a fantastic series.

Preview the comic in cbr format.
Google CDisplay to view it.
If you like it, visit your local comic book shop, loiter a while and buy it.

Prep Your Arteries: Fudgems

2006-08-21T23:37:00.000-07:00

Domino's Pizza is selling brownies with their pizzas. When you buy any large pizza at menu price (put away your coupon sheet, cheapskate) they give you 10 free brownie squares and fudge brownie dipping sauce. FREE BROWNIES, BITCHES!!! This is the third happiest food related moment of my life, right after Bob's Big Boy opening a block away from my apartment and finding my Chewbacca mug. It's not a mug with a picture of Chewy, it's that furry bastard's hollow skull molded in ceramic. Tell me you didn't just shit yourself and I know you're lying. I have an unhealthy addiction to brownies, so I might have to go on the Lindsay Lohan cocaine and vomit diet to keep the fat person smell down.

Music Spotlight: Muse

2006-08-14T09:08:00.000-07:00

Right Click / Save As

The song: Knights of Cydonia. The video: all types of awesome. If this were a full length movie that featured a guy that looks somewhat like Junior from Reno 911 doing kung-fu, riding a horse, and shooting a laser gun, various shots of hawks, and the occasional robot, I'd totally see it.

I've been listening to this, Keane (Under the Iron Sea), and Gnarls Barkley (St Elsewhere) for a little over a month now, and it hasn't gotten old yet. Buy Muse's latest album, Black Holes & Revelations, and prepare for your balls to be rocked right the fuck off.

Bonus track: Glorious (just in case you got the version with 11 tracks)
Box Art: Front | Back | Disc (for those of you who judge a book by its cover)
Official Site: Muse.mu

Rhythm Heaven Trailer

2006-08-13T01:07:00.000-07:00

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Think of it as WarioWare without Wario, and all the mini-games are rhythm related. I'm gonna buy it just to give my GBA Micro something to do. Sad thing is, I'll probably just play it on the DS Lite.

Welcome to the Revision7 Beta

2006-08-11T02:30:00.000-07:00

Consider this a precursor to the final redesign. It will look something like this, but a whole lot more pimp. Tabs for each section of our little AFB network, a unified design, top story, recent stories, and older stories sections, and a shit-ton of other awesome features. In addition to brand new forums, we might integrate user reviews (available when you log in and comment) and there might even be an entire channel dedicated to AFB's streaming video content, somewhat like CNet's brand new CNet TV. As always, we'll provide fair, balanced, unbiased content in a somewhat more timely fashion. We're taking on more staff all the time, so feel free to send us a line if you want to write for us. We'll include reviews, previews, etc for everything from games to movies to music to comics to technology. Enjoy the beta!

Bully Trailer

2006-08-10T21:31:00.000-07:00

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He was gone for a while, but now he's back in town! No, it's not Tyrone, it's everyone's favorite troublemaker, Jimmy Hopkins! If Bully is anything like Grand Theft Auto or the Warriors, it should be plenty of fun mixed in with some very unwholesome acts.

Bully Mini-Site

CellFactor Revolution: Announcement Trailer

2006-08-08T20:58:00.000-07:00

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Not much to say, really. It looks like they scrapped the original futuristic soldier art style for cyborgs. Hopefully that's all they changed, I have been looking forward to this ever since the first gameplay footage was released.

Monster House & Clerks 2 Dude Reviews

2006-07-28T01:52:00.000-07:00

I'm trying something new with my movie reviews. Sometimes I'll read through an extra long post at my favorite movie review website, "Pajiba", and half way through I'll realize that all I really wanted was a brief synopsis of some of the better and worse happenings in the movie, how the plot and pacing came out, and whether or not I should go see it. So I came up with the "Dude Review"; in a nutshell, it's the kind of review you would get if you ran into someone you knew coming out of the movie you were going to see. It's highly opinionated, sprinkled with spoilers, but most importantly, it's concise, to the point, and not too flowery. It may seem a little too "live-blog" or "new games journalism", but it's not half as lame as either. So dude...

Monster House

...you should totally go see Monster House. The first time I saw the trailer I thought the characters were a little creepy, but I have to admit they grew on me. They have this Norman Rockwell-meets-Stand by Me-meets-the Goonies thing going on. Even though they used motion capture for just about every part of the movie, it helps with subtle facial expressions and body language to the point you sometimes forget it's CGI. Monster House definitely has the best CGI rendering of human beings since the Incredibles. The story is kind of shallow, but it's certainly more entertaining than Over the Hedge or Cars. Seriously, I couldn't stay awake through either. The characters have fitting voices to go with them. Steve "woodchipper" Buscemi plays the old man who takes every ball that falls into his yard, Maggie Gyllenhaal plays the babysitter, Jason Lee plays her boyfriend, Kevin James plays the bumbling oaf Sheriff, and Nick Cannon somehow does a decent job as his rookie moron partner. In the words of Dave Chappelle, "Fuck Nick Cannon." If this movie doesn't remind you of your childhood, you probably wouldn't want to remember it anyway.

Verdict: 8.5; catch the matinee.

Clerks 2

What? You and your buds are thinking of heading into "Lady in the Water"? Sure, there's a cute half naked redhead in it, but I'll save you the trouble of waiting for the crappy twist: M Night Shymalamander's character is the savior of the little water people. Now you don't have to ask yourself why you just saw another one of his overhyped steaming piles of twistership. Clerks 2 is a whole lot more interesting, and even though it features a homosexual donkey show, ass to mouth references, hobbit blow jobs, and Jay tucking it back and doing the Buffalo Bill dance from 'Lambs, it's nowhere near as gay as Joel Siegel's mustache. I didn't think Clerks needed a sequel, but I enjoy Kevin Smith's work and the Animated series was one of the funniest things on ABC ever, so I gave it a shot. It's funny as shit, at times is kind of sweet and touching, and Randall gets to rip into Lord of the Rings and Transformers. For the perverts and sexual deviants there's a see through bra on Kevin Smith's wife and a very jiggly rooftop dance scene with Rosario Dawson that is both arousing and hilarious.

Verdict: 9.5; spend ten bucks ya crippie-boy porch monkey.

Street Fighter: Alpha Anthology & Point Blank DS Mini-Reviews

2006-07-26T07:18:00.000-07:00

Street Fighter: Alpha Anthology
Throughout my life, I've seen arcades crumble and fall. There was a time when you knew the local arcade as well as you knew the local comic book shop. It was a place of unending din, where you would go completely insane if you were over a certain age and not completely absorbed in a game. Over the years, as home consoles grew in popularity, arcade traffic waned, until they became a hangout for drug dealers and child molesters with a pocket full of quarters. The local arcade became the Chuck E Cheese, the Pizza Hut, and the AMC. Their selection was poor at best, but because of the sheer rarity of an arcade, you played the shit out of the Simpsons game, even if you always got stuck with Marge and her freaking vacuum.

One series always dominated every arcade installation: Street Fighter. I loved the character design, the beautiful sprites, and the sheer fun of the fighting system. Everybody played different; you had the "Hadouken Whores", the jumpers that always played as Chun Li and never stayed still, the blockers who kept their joystick in a constant sate of back, and the button mashing kiddies who usually greased the controls up with their messy little kid fingers. Pizza grease + sticky soda/candy + arcade cabinets = bring a freaking wet-nap or you'll get hepatitis.

The Alphas, next to Marvel vs Capcom had by far the best cast of characters. I always picked Cammy, and to this day I play as her or any other lanky character with a powerful pair of stems (that means you, Elena). Alpha Anthology brings a flawless translation of the arcade classics to the Playstation 2, and completely succeeds in its purpose. I'm not going to be a big queen like other reviewers and knock it for not having online play (on PS2, ugh), I'm simply scoring it based on its contribution to the PS2 library. Finally we have all the Alphas on one disc, along with the surprisingly good chibi Gem Fighter, with no frame rate drops or ugliness (unlike PSP's Alpha Max). Although the PS2's d pad is extremely uncomfortable for fighting games, the joystick is perfect. It's almost better than the original cabinet's. Anthology has the choice of Alpha, Alpha 2, Alpha 2 Gold, Alpha 3 and Super Gem Fighter to satisfy Street Fighter fans. It's more than worth a purchase, seeing as how you can get it for $30 just about anywhere. With its great cast of characters, gorgeous sprites, fighting system complexity and nostalgia factor, this game is a must for your collection.

Niche: 2D Fighter
Gameplay: 9.5
Graphics: 8.5
Art: 9.0
Sound: 7.5
Music: 6.0
Replay Value: 9.5
Verdict: 9.0; You like Street Fighter? Buy it.

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Point Blank DS
Moving a light gun game to the touch screen was a risky decision, but after playing PBDS, it's only natural. I bought the original Point Blank for the PS1, rented the sequels, and changed my freinds' minds about it. The beauty of the series (over the games you bought the light gun for) is the addictive pick up and play value; like going to a carnival, without the smelly carnies and giant tweety birds. After taking too many shots in Time Crisis for the umpteenth time, not yet ready to ditch the gun, Point Blank was a welcome diversion. It also introduced my parents to the Playstation; instead of blowing away terrorists or zombies, they shot at targets, clay pigeons, and other friendly, familiar inanimate objects. The screaming of generic enemies is never as inviting as a metallic "ping."

I rented Point Blank DS via Gamefly, and after playing it for three days, I'm ready to buy it. It's a worthy addition to any DS library. The game responds remarkably well to the touchscreen' s commands, making it the easiest controlling point blank yet. Instead of aiming at inch high targets from across the room, most of the time your stylus is a millimeter away. In response to this, Bandai upped the ante. This is easily the most challenging Point Blank yet: I dare you to get an "A" in Insane mode. --Speaking of modes, PBDS has them aplenty. Arcade mode is pretty standard: you choose a difficulty, one of 4-8 stages, and try to complete them in a limited amount of time. The games range from shooting cardboard cutout bad guys to whacking plastic crocodiles. Other features include single cart multiplayer and a neat brain training mode designed to sharpen your reflexes and improve your attention span. It works, too.

The more I play Point Blank DS, the more I want there to be more light gun ports on this platform. Hopefully we'll see Time Crisis: Double Shooters (with WiFi co-op), Silent Scope: Dueling Snipers (with WiFi multiplayer) or House of the Dead: Death Strike (what, you think we haven't figured out your naming conventions?).

Niche: Variety/Mini games
Gameplay: 9.5
Graphics: 8.0
Art: 7.0
Sound: 5.5
Music: 3.0
Replay Value: 8.5
Verdict: 7.5; Find a good deal and go for it.

Sssizzling Sssummer Tipsss

2006-07-26T05:19:00.000-07:00

Sssizzling Sssummer Tipsss

With record breaking heat waves sweeping the globe, everyone without an air conditioner is pretty much screwed. All us cheapskates who live near the beach thought the cool ocean breeze would cool us off, but no. I live half a mile from the coast, so close I can walk, and it's 110 degrees outside. I'm not pointing any fingers, but GLOBAL WARMING! I take some comfort in knowing that somewhere, a glacier is sweating just as much as I am.

So here are a few useful tips to stay alive during these ridiculously sweltering summer days.

1. Don't consume dairy

Milk products build up mucous in your throat, making everything just a little more uncomfortable. Exceptions to the rule: shredded cheese and sour cream in your Taco Supreme.

2. Avoid spicy foods

I know, spicy hot and hot hot are different, but when your nose is running down your face and your butthole is dribbling more than Kobe, you should stop acting like the big macho hotshot and put down the Source.

3. Wear button up shirts

This one is obvious, but you can wear the same button up shirt with no undershirt for a few days without sweating through it completely like I have with every tee shirt I've worn since Summer. It breathes, it's light, and can be modified to fit any occasion. It sure looks better than pit stains.

4. Wear a towel around the house

This tip is invaluable. All I've worn inside since the heat really kicked in has been a regular terrycloth bath towel. No underwear. The occasional breeze, non constricting, and absorbent.

5. Wet washcloth in the freezer

Put it on the back of your neck and you're golden until it gets warm again. This works everywhere, so don't be afraid to soak it and twirl it around in the air if you aren't near a freezer.

6. Spray bottle

No need to refill the Windex bottle and give yourself a rash, just pick a small spray bottle up at the local drug store. Set it to mist, and moisturise when needed. It keeps your temperature down, feels fantastic, and keeps sweat down to a minimum.

7. Key fan placement

All homes are different, but in my bedroom I have two sliding windows as part of one big window above my desk. In the side facing the door, I place the fan facing outward, into the courtyard. I then open the other window, the one facing my bed, so the fan sucks the hot air out of the room and pushes the cool air in through the other window. Usually my room stays a constant 55 degrees, a temperature I am most comfortable in. During the summer, when the air outside is usually hotter than the air inside, this method doesn't help though.

8. Shower constantly

As in, more than usual. You don't even need to shampoo each time, but two showers a day will keep you from stinking up the place, cool you down, all on the cheap. A single shower should last only 5 minutes at the most, but the cool down factor lasts a couple of hours.

Hope you find these tips useful. Right now Alex is sweating it out with his Grandparents in the desert (he moves into his new place August 8th), but he's probably fine since nobody in the desert (in their right minds) lives out there without central air. Don't go dying on me!

Singstar for PS3: Sony Brings It

2006-07-26T04:36:00.000-07:00

Singstar Trailer 852x480

Singstar for Playstation3: Sony Brings It
Leave it to Sony to have one game that makes you buy shit for it, then keep meta-buying until you're broker than an MMORPG addict with a Mastercard. Singstar looks like alot of fun, until you factor in the $600+ you spend to get the PS3, the $80 you spend on the game with a microphone, the 30 you spend for the extra (because the game's no fun if you don't pretend you and your buddies are the hipsters advertising this game), the $50 you spend on the camera and the 99 cent+ karaoke videos that you could get for free if you watch enough MTV (to the point they actually air a music video). The other bitch is that since this is just another gimmick game to them, there will probably be more firmware updates to keep their DRM shit in check than actual content updates. Just look at what happened to the PSP, what had the potential to completely rock Nintendo's shit. It had better graphics than DS, had movies you could watch on its big beautiful screen, and all kinds of customizable goodness. What content did we get after that? A bunch of UMD movies and a scant catalog of decent games. No movie trailers (with Wifi they could have delivered it straight to the PSP), no music videos, nothing. We got stiffed with nothing but a big rubbery one in the ear, and annoying ad campaigns and commercials in the other.

Good part of this little trailer is the extra glimpse we get at the spiffy GUI. I'll probably still buy it (can't rent it without a mic) and sing Queen and Duran Duran way too much for a healthy heterosexual male my age. No matter what I say, I'm still buying the PS3 for the same reason I bought the 360, the same reason I am going to buy the Wii, and the same reason I write for the AFB: I love games.